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the vibe i bring to the function

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Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.

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i knew my good luck could only last so long. back to feeling like im on the verge of death at all times. at least i made the most of the times when it was good

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a few months ago i got a toothbrush with a pressure sensor at the demand of my dentist just for me to completely ignore the red pressure sensor light every time i brush

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i’ve been reading so much lately i’m like a librarian or something idk

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Frida Kahlo: Retrato de Luther Burbank (detail), 1931.

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Sylvia Plath, from The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath; "Lady Lazarus,"

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bones and all

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love my bed so much .. she’s literally just shades of orange

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at uni and it’s an awful day today and i’m so tempted to just stay in this toilet cubicle and not leave until my classes are over but that would be my usual avoidant behaviour and i can’t do that so i need to go

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and i will be proud of myself and i will be better for it

classes start at the new uni i’ve transferred to tomorrow and i truly don’t think i’ve ever been this anxious in my entire life. i just want to curl up and cry for the next 2 years until uni is over

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i will get through this though

classes start at the new uni i’ve transferred to tomorrow and i truly don’t think i’ve ever been this anxious in my entire life. i just want to curl up and cry for the next 2 years until uni is over

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classes start at the new uni i’ve transferred to tomorrow and i truly don’t think i’ve ever been this anxious in my entire life. i just want to curl up and cry for the next 2 years until uni is over

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