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pan-de-queer · 13 hours

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Alone

Lena catches Supergirl crying, and they have a much deserved talk.

“Supergirl?” Lena’s brows furrow as she sees the hero on the balcony of Cat Grant’s old office – well, her new office. Even though Lena is confused, her tone is still bright when she asks, “What are you doing here?” But the smile she has on her lips disappears as she walks closer and sees the hero quickly wiping her tears away. “Supergirl…is everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah…” Kara laughs a little awkwardly, wondering why she didn’t hear Lena approaching her. “It’s nothing, Ms. Luthor… I-I’ll get out of your way–”

But before she can move, Kara feels Lena’s hand on her shoulder, “Hey,” Lena says softly, “It’s okay, you can stay here… And I’m here if you need to talk.”

It is strange for Lena to see the girl of steel crying, but it is a good reminder that even the strongest beings in the world have a softer side; that they too feel the weight of the world, and sometimes they crumble under it.

Kara stares out over the city, unmoving. Tears stream down her cheeks as she tries to organize her thoughts, as she tries to make sense over the past few weeks. “I love this balcony…” she starts, her voice barely above a whisper. “I got some of the best advice from Ms. Grant standing right here while we looked over the city…”

Lena lets go of Supergirl’s shoulder, and silently leans against the railing to admire the view as well; maybe she would be able to see the city through Supergirl’s eyes.

“I miss her, you know? Miss Grant… But she had to leave… They all do…” Kara shakes her head; anger bubbling up inside her chest, and she does her best to push it down.

“They?” Lena asks softly. “Who are they?”

“My parents, Krypton, my aunt, Kal-El, Miss Grant, Mon-El! They all left! And I'm… And I’m still here…alone.”

Lena doesn’t flinch when Kara’s voice rises through the sentence, but her heart breaks when the hero finishes voicing her thoughts in a broken whisper. If it were Kara, if it were her best friend saying such things to her, Lena would hug her without hesitation; but this isn’t Kara, this is Supergirl, so Lena tentatively places a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry.” It’s all she can muster, because what can Lena say to someone who’s lost her entire planet? “I…We, humans, will never understand how big of a loss you suffered… I might be saying too much, but I have a feeling not even Superman understands it, right? Since he came to Earth as a baby?”

Kara cries quietly, placing one hand on top of Lena’s, and she nods at her friend’s question. “I was supposed to raise him, you know? We were supposed to arrive on Earth at the same time, and I was supposed to raise him, teaching him everything about our planet, about our family… But my pod, it got knocked out off course, and I got stuck in the Phantom Zone for twenty-four years… While I was asleep in that cold nothingness, he was here learning how to be more of a human than Kryptonian… And when I finally arrived, he didn’t need me anymore, he was already Earth’s hero and he couldn’t look after me…”

“Wait.” Lena raises her eyebrow, and Kara notices how the grip on her arm tightens. “You’re telling me he abandoned you?”

“It’s not–” Kara sighs, she doesn’t want to have this argument with Lena too, Alex already gives her enough of a hard time over it. “He didn’t know me, I was a stranger to him, and he has two lives he needs to juggle. I understand why he did what he did… Sometimes– Sometimes I think it was a blessing, honestly, because I don’t know if I would have been able to take it trying to teach my only living relative about our culture, and seeing him not being interested in it. At least my foster family wanted to learn everything about me…”

Lena feels Supergirl’s reluctance on the subject, so Lena files that bit of information for the next time Superman tries to act like he has the moral high ground over her.

“You’ve never told me anything about your foster family.” Lena says instead, smiling softly at Supergirl. “Do you have foster siblings?”

That makes Kara smile; she can’t help herself, Alex always brings out the best in her. “Yes, I do.”

Raising her eyebrow again, Lena decides to try her luck, “How many?? One, two, three??”

Chuckling, Kara shakes her head. “I can’t tell you that, Miss Luthor.”

“Lena, please. I thought after the airplane incident you’d keep calling me by my first name.” She says, grinning.

“Lena.” Kara nods. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay.” With a little smirk, Lena teases, “One day you’ll trust me enough to tell me more about yourself.”

Kara frowns and turns to Lena. “It’s not about trust, Lena.” There’s such sincerity in those blue eyes that it steals Lena’s breath away. “Because I already trust you, more than you’ll ever know, to be honest…”

“Then…why?” Lena manages to speak even though she seems to be getting lost in Kara’s eyes.

“Because…” Kara feels a wave of guilt washing over her, and she forces herself to look back at the city. “Because I’m selfish.”

Lena blinks a few times, thoroughly confused as to why Supergirl would say something like that. “W-What do you mean?” She asks, going back to leaning against the railing; only this time her shoulder is brushing against Supergirl’s as they stand closer than before.

“I… I need to keep my two lives apart…” Kara starts, trying to figure out how she can explain this to Lena without defeating the purpose of keeping her identity a secret. “You… you mean so much to me, Lena… You’ve helped me more than you realize… and I need to keep things the way they are…or…or…” The idea of not having Lena as a friend to just Kara Danvers fills Kara with anxiety. “Or I fear something inside me will break.”

Lena looks at Supergirl with confusion clear in her eyes, and Kara braces herself for the obvious questions Lena surely is thinking about, but they never come. Slowly, the furrow of her brows disappears, and instead of looking confused, Lena smiles softly at Kara, and nods. “You mean a lot to me too.” Lena says, gently bumping her shoulder to Kara’s. “And I understand… I mean, I don’t, not really, but this has been working for us and if it means that much to you, then I’m okay keeping things as they are.”

Before Lena knows what hit her, she finds herself enveloped in strong arms. “Thank you, Lena.” The words are whispered against her neck, making Lena shiver.

“You’re welcome.” Lena sighs the words, bringing her arms up to hug Supergirl back. Something about the hug feels oddly familiar, which goes along with Lena’s theory that she knows Supergirl’s secret identity, but now that she knows for a fact that Supergirl needs her two personas to be apart, Lena will make a conscious effort not to think about it too much.

The hug goes on for longer than either of them intended to, and to Lena’s surprise, when Supergirl pulls back, she’s crying again.

“I…” Lena trails off, fidgeting with her fingers. “I’m sorry for being responsible for sending Mon-El away. I didn’t mean to make one more person leave you.”

Kara shakes her head, “You were only helping me. And it was my decision to push the button, Lena, not yours. I’m sorry Edge used that to make you believe you had hurt those kids.”

Lena gives Supergirl an appreciative little smile. “It’s okay. I’m just glad I have Kara and Sam as my friends… they wouldn’t give up on me even when I had already given up on myself.”

“Remind me to send them a gift basket then.” Kara chuckles, drying her tears.

Lena shakes her head good-naturedly. “Can I ask you a question?” She asks; her features turning more serious. At Supergirl’s nod, Lena continues, “Who is Mon-El to you? He was important enough to be on your list earlier, but he’s Kara’s boyfriend…”

“Oh…um…” Kara swallows hard.

“Because I really like you, but Kara comes first, and if he was cheating on her with you…”

“Oh, no! No! Nothing like that!” Kara rushes to appease Lena, although her heart melts a little at the way Lena stands up for Kara Danvers. “He-He’s just a friend… A good friend…a friend who knows my planet…who knows about my customs and traditions… He’s the closest thing to a Kryptonian friend I have…”

“Oh…” Lena nods, worrying her bottom lip. “I promise one day L-Corp will find a way to clean the lead off the air so he can come back, Supergirl.“

Smiling even though there’s a knot in her throat, Kara says, “About that… Four hundred years from now, L-Corp will find the cure for it.” At Lena’s inquisitive look, Kara explains, “Mon-El… He traveled back in time… He’s back, and thanks to your company he can breathe our air again.”

Lena is speechless. There’s so much going on in her mind, that she can’t help but laugh in disbelief. “Y-You’re telling me that I did it?? Th-That I managed to keep on the right path??? That L-Corp will continue to do good long after I’m gone?!?!”

Kara smiles softly at Lena’s enthusiasm, and nods. “I had no doubt about that.”

“This is crazy!” Lena laughs again, shaking her head. “But wait, you said her traveled back in time? How long has it been for him?”

Kara turns her gaze to the city bellow them once more. “Seven years… He’s married now… I’m sure he’ll try to go back to his timeline soon…”

“Wow… Um…” Lena frowns. “I think I should call Kara.”

“No!” Supergirl rushes to say. “Sh-She’s okay. I mean, she’s dealing with it. Her sister is there for her.”

Worrying her lip again, Lena nods, and silence sets between them.

“I know I’ll never understand what you’ve been through,” Lena starts without looking at Supergirl. “As I said before, no human truly can, but…in a way, I understand. When I lost my mom…I lost everything; I lost her, my house, my friends… Everything I knew…gone, and suddenly I was with this knew family who might as well have been from a different planet.”

Kara turns her head just slightly so she can discreetly watch Lena as she speaks. It’s during moments like this that Kara remembers how young Lena actually is, and how much she’s been through.

“I don’t remember much about my mom, and I never knew anything about my father, well, at least not until Lillian decided to tell me Lionel was my real dad to try and get something from me.” Lena scoffs, shaking her head. “My dad is now gone, Lillian has tried to kill me many times, and I watched the only person who truly loved me turn into a monster.” Suddenly Lena has an urge to drink something strong, but she forces herself to stay still. “And once again, the life I knew was taken from me. No one wanted to be associated with me anymore… the friends I thought I had, left me; the man I loved couldn’t understand why I needed to move here.” Sighing, Lena rubs her temples and a practiced smile appears on her lips. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to turn this into a Lena Luthor pity party. All I’m trying to say is, even though no one on Earth can understand the scale of what you’ve lost, some of us can still understand what it feels like to lose everything and having to start over.” Placing her hand on Supergirl’s arm once more, Lena says, “Just know that you’re not alone. I’m here for you, and if you ever want to teach me anything from your culture, I’d be more than willing to learn.”

Kara can’t stop her tears, but she’s smiling brightly again. “Thank you, Lena.” And as a word crosses her mind, Kara’s smile turns into a full-on grin. “How about we start with the word ‘mbysh’?”

Lena returns the smile, glad that she was seemingly able to comfort the hero. She tentatively repeats the word, making Kara giggle. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me!” Lena laughs along with Supergirl.

“I’m not laughing at you! I promise!” Kara snorts out a laugh. “You just sound very cute! Come on, try again.” She says, repeating the word for Lena.

Lena can feel her cheeks burning at the compliment, but she repeats the word after Supergirl, earning an excited squeak. “Better?” She asks.

“Yes! It was perfect!” Kara beams.

“Good!” Lena says proudly. “But what does it mean?”

Kara tilts her head to the side for a moment, smiling softly at Lena, before leaning in and kissing Lena’s cheek. “Friend. It means friend.”

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