pandora-4-cindy

[pandora-4-cindy]

still in recovery but i’ve got my friends helping me now so it’s going a lot better.

idk if anyone has had a similar experience or i’m just a fucking idiot; one of my last big trips i mixed dxm with about 30mgs (possibly more) of diphenhydramine in the form of sleeping pills on the comedown (cus i wanted to sleep) and really thought i was going to die. i’m pretty sure i almost did. i keep feeling for my pulse every where and it would stop for maybe like 10 seconds then start again very faint. i could feel my lungs not working properly.

hard to describe the feeling, it wasn’t painful and i just didn’t have enough energy to be panicked, but i could tell my body was really trying hard to stay alive. like it had to force itself to keep my heart beating. i kept having the feeling of wanting to fall asleep but, i knew if i did i would NOT wake up for sure. i kept having to stand up and walk around my room so i would get my blood flowing and muscles moving. mind you i was still fairly high on dextro atp so like, my brain was in a very strange place. it would just cycle through oh god im so sleepy im going to sleep and then die, to, please please please don’t die im going to die and then just nothing while i almost fell asleep.

this was also the night before i needed to move out of my place so all my shit was packed and my room was empty save for my bed (futon on the floor) and a few boxes. my window was open, the wind was blowing through making the curtains billow and the moon was shining in (it was like 3am) and i remember thinking what a strange otherworldly feeling, what a time to die, because i was so sure i was going to. i felt nothing moving in my body, like all my organs shut down. you don’t realize how much of your body you can feel working all the time until you don’t feel or hear anything moving anymore.

anyways, as many people forewarned me through dm’s on this blog and people i talked to irl, obviously dxm is bad and should not be glorified. you will get addicted and it will ruin your life if not kill you.

i have to work through physical and emotional opioid withdrawals every week. drugs r bad. like duh but seriously. there’s always a way out.

[pandora-4-cindy]

hey so that trip i just had was the worst ever!! i overdosed and almost died!! im quitting dxm lol!!

[pandora-4-cindy]

still high lol mostly back to normal now but i haven’t been able to do anything at all today i’ve just been in and out of bed and watching Brooklyn 99

[pandora-4-cindy]

just had the worst trip of my life… tried doing syrup for the first time and i was like huh why isn’t this working so i just gulped down a bunch and oh my god… i got sooo high i like woke up (maybe?) at 4am high as shit and kept like sitting up an looking at my phone and then passing out again. i didn’t even know it was my phone i think. i was just like hmm why is this object a different texture than my sheets. i was so high i forgot what a cell phone was it was so bad. i didn’t hallucinate at all but i’ve been awake since like 5am just steadily on the comedown. dxm is fucking crazy why do they sell dxm over the counter when it can make me forget what my cellphone was????

[pandora-4-cindy]

[pandora-4-cindy]

hello i am on a 2 day bender lol

[pandora-4-cindy]

everything sucks

anyways

this is the best album of all time

grouper will literally never be topped

[pandora-4-cindy]

my addiction collection

[pandora-4-cindy]

didn’t post at all during is but i tripped with my lovely wonderful boyfriend damon last night and it was fucking crazy definitely the highest i’ve ever been on dxm and it was a little scary so i don’t think i’ll do that much again or often. we must’ve both takes around 330mgs but spaced apart really well. idk bf said he had a good trip no complaints but mine was rlly existential and a bit scary but nothing like a bad trip on shrooms or acid like i could pull myself out pretty easily and still overall had a good trip.

edit** WOW back when 330mgs was a lot… anyways damon… was kinda fuck and we r no longer together.

also every trip i had after this one was existential and weird in the same way.. idk what that’s abt

[pandora-4-cindy]

second favourite song of all time i’m crying so hard rd

my interpretation of this songs is that it’s about being like succeeded by your child. like the ticket to immortality is having children so that you can live on through them and oh my god that makes me cry so much cus my dad used to play this for me all the time when i was a kid

[pandora-4-cindy]

favourite song of all time

[pandora-4-cindy]

i cant wait to start a family with damon im so excited to live and grow old with him i feel so lucky that i get to have this

trip really like emotional this time LOL should’ve know this would happen on the tail end of my period

[pandora-4-cindy]

i firmly believe suicidal people are the backbone of society

[pandora-4-cindy]

i just wish i could experience other people’s perspectives. it’s not fair that i only get to live in my body with my experiences. i want to know completely what it’s like to be someone else to be everyone

[pandora-4-cindy]

never mind i turned it positive

it’s like i somehow managed to be alive at the same time as everyone else alive right now and that’s fuckign INSANEare you kidding me like im alive at the same time hwang hyunjin is alive that’s insane

being alive is so crazy so scary so so so so lucky

[pandora-4-cindy]

wonder what causes these weird trips feels really good tho still LOL

[pandora-4-cindy]

super existential trip like why am i alive type shit. it’s just so crazy that i’m alive then i’ll be dead and that’s it . there’s nothing more to it. i guess all i can do is love people. i love damon so much i want to spend the rest of my short life with him. i’m so glad the attempts didn’t work so that i can be as old as i am and dating damon’s nd having the friends that i have and the family that i need. FUCK. MY MOM LOL i feel so sorry for her