panikbutt0n

[panikbutt0n]

BEFORE YOU I WAS NOTHING,

WAS NOTHING, HAD NOTHING…

I ONLY HAD A KISS!, A TOUCH!, A SONG THAT MADE ME CRY!

AND ALL THE DRUGS IVE DONE

THEY NEVER GOT ME HIGHER THAN THE FIRST TIME WE MET

THERES NOTHING LIKE THE FIRST TIME WE MET

[panikbutt0n]

The amount of romance songs I’ve listened to in the past 3 hours omg—

Yall ROMANCE IS NOT BORING IM LONGING RN did you get the song ref? 🥺🥺

[panikbutt0n]

You know…when you stop believing everything is your fault things aren’t half bad

Others have also told me it’s not my fault/my father tho

[panikbutt0n]

Been up for a couple hours now—it’s almost 8am

Woke up at 5am needing to pee, struggling to actually move n get to the bathroom without collapsing which was fun

Chilled in the bathroom for a bit cuz I still felt weak

Got out of bed at 7:30am AND THREW UP

CHAT

I THREW UP

NOT ON PURPOSE

IM SICK—

IM ACTUALLY SICK

THAT NEVER HAPPENS 😭😭

Anyway considering I haven’t eaten in a hot minute there was literally nothing to throw up wth

Also dad said I’m going to the hospital 😭😭 not now hopefully I’m just sick gyatt dam

Quite literally walked upstairs

Dad—“happy first day no school��

Me—….”I threw up”…

Dad—“oh welp-“

Me—rambling abt how I’m not used to throwing up without it being controlled

[panikbutt0n]

the last of us more like the lust of us because

[panikbutt0n]

P—please please please

A—Affluenza

N—No one noticed

I—it almost worked

K—kill u

@the-artist-07 @what-is-going-on-im-confused @whatsuplin @im-totally-not-a-fae @rot-decay-erosion @carolwif911 @elswif

MOOT / TAG GAME !

mission— spell your real name / name you use on tumblr with songs you like >< ready, set, go !

m — my love, mine all mine (mitski)

i — i love you, i’m sorry (gracie abrams)

c — coraline (lyn lapid)

k — killshot (magdalena bay)

i — i know you (faye webster)

e — either way (ive)

tagging— @puma-riki @flwrstqr @liwinly @woniefication @lilificationn @stvrriki @okwonyo + anyone else who wants to join !

[panikbutt0n]

good morning <33

Good afternoon 🫶🫶

Sorry I’m a bit late —

[panikbutt0n]

js deleted disc btw so if I don't respond then it's rhat frfr :33

oh—okay you ok?

[panikbutt0n]

I’m panik god of war

:00 ares??

I am Arran, god of the most important thing

EDIT: if y'all don’t wanna use your name use your username

[panikbutt0n]

Ugh I fucking hate switch ups it’s been sb this week and a goddamn assignment trigged me

[panikbutt0n]

Not my teacher stressing me sm with failing that I ate lunch

[panikbutt0n]

mb mb I shall be more specific Ma’m fr

Remembering the time I told myself I was something, believed it, ran with it for a while then after I stopped feeling a certain emotion I realized I wasn’t that I just felt a certain way it was preventing me from feeling that for awhile

[panikbutt0n]

Remembering the time I told myself I was something, believed it, ran with it for a while then after I stopped feeling a certain emotion I realized I wasn’t that I just felt a certain way it was preventing me from feeling that for awhile

[panikbutt0n]

CONSIDERING ITS STILL PRIDE MONTH HERE ARE MY RECENTLY UPDATED FLAGS

All of these are pretty much canon

Names! (Identities)

Non binary—for me it’s a general concept of being out of gender terms where I don’t fit a certain category of gender (when I use they/them in any way)

Transmasculine—heavily influenced by recently where I’ve wanted and thought about being he/they permanently but also don’t feel like a boy. (Anytime I use he or general appearance shit)

Demiboy—my general connection to masc pretty much a combination of non binary and trans masc but less flux. (Pronouns used he/they)

Genderfluid—different pull towards different genders,pronouns,body types or styles for me (less often rn I’m definitely more transmasc or non binary)

IM NOT BI GENDER ANYMORE! That I think was because I wasn’t used to having a general preference in pronouns I was still figuring stuff out

SO YOU CAN MISSGENDER ME NOW ITS POSSIBLE (do i rly care? Not rly shit happens but ykyk)

Names p2! (Sexuality)

Bisexual—I’m attracted to the look of both woman and men, less men and more the androgynous look but still counting men I’m not pan

asexual—little to no pull towards any sexual content whatsoever so ever, I still think people are attractive and pretty but nothing other then that

THATS ALL MY IDENTITY!!

[panikbutt0n]

“I want to die” I thought to myself but for the first time in nearly 8 months “I want to die” wasn’t the term I was looking for…

I don’t want to die, I want to live

I want to live to be myself

I want to live to finally tell people who I am and not just the person I’ve accepted being

I want to live to find my person

I want to live to know why I am like I am

I want to live for control…. I want to live for organization

I want to live…for me

It’s funny I’m saying this right now because if I were to disappear right now I’d be happy…

But I don’t want to die…I just want to be in a place where I know what I am and who I am

I want to be in a place where people know me…and actually know me

I want to be somewhere I finally don’t have to hide little bits of myself from people I don’t want to

I’m so tired of pretending I’m a functioning human…I don’t feel like one…I don’t feel human….i don’t feel real I feel robotic

[panikbutt0n]

Apparently I have certain times now where I can’t take pretending to be a human—

It’s 6:30pm n I’m in bed fully because I couldn’t take being human and having interaction properly anymore

Idk what this is lowk but it’s new and it doesn’t feel normal

If someone knows plz help me 🤧🤧

[panikbutt0n]

Never in my life had I known someone could visualize the experience of Sh as much as Ginny Miller omg

JUST STARTED IM ON EPISODE 2 but omg—

Like I knew—the look, the way she touched and picked at her hands during the party, the way she held onto the lighter omg everything

That was genuinely the closest I’ve gotten to seeing my own experience with sh on tv

I felt so seen holy shit