parably

[parably]

“Just in case you have forgotten today: You matter. You are loved. You are worthy. You are magical.”

— Unknown

[parably]

“Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.”

— Dream Hampton

[parably]

[parably]

[parably]

i wasn’t even home for a full day before you started spouting out bullshit about me.

you need to take a look in the god damn mirror and ask yourself why there’s issues in your marriage instead of trying to formulate an image of me as the villain…

i didn’t do shit today but help you with your son so your wife could rest.

your wife who needed a break after the last couple days because of pain that is not her fault.

you should take a LONG look in the mirror about that too…

and yet here you stand, trying to to paint this image of me as the problem and source of chaos and problems…

honestly i should have expected this, it’s been quiet between us for too long…

but i’m tired of crying in silence and hurting in silence..

so i broke down…

Because your bullshit is exactly what I need right now when I am having trouble even caring for myself physically. When I am not even able to function as a person whose body is actually 31 years old and healthy…

you’re creating every opportunity for me to become what you say i am… and yet here i am, not becoming that person, in spite of what you say and do and how you talk about me to your children and how you treat me…

Guess you’re in luck that I grew up a long time ago.

instead of becoming that monster you portray me as, i will no longer hide my hurt and suffering at your hands. i will admit when i need a break and i will reach out to those who love me and those who know better than to believe your preposterous concoction of the monster you say i am…

Fuck right off. And continue to fuck right off every time you’re done fucking off from the last time. Fuck right off indefinitely.

I am not the monster here. You are. And you’ll continue to prove it.

[parably]

I don’t drink caffeine to wake up. I wake up to drink caffeine.

[parably]

Its so easy to be genuine. Who raised yall

[parably]

[parably]

“Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot. And you’ll survive whatever is coming.”

— Unknown

[parably]

[parably]

“Progress. Just make progress. It’s okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again - and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward. Move forward. Take baby steps… Then change will come. And it will be good.”

— Lysa TerKeurst

[parably]

“The life in front of you is way more important than the life behind you.”

— Unknown

[parably]

getting approached by an animal that wants you to pet them is such a magical feeling. like they saw you and went "yeah there's love in there"

[parably]

“The fact is that five years ago I was, as near as possible, a different person to what I am tonight. I, as I am now, didnt exist at all. Will the same thing happen in the next five years? I hope so.”

— Siegfried Sassoon

[parably]

FND aka:

Conversion disorder

Dissociative disorder

Cause: Potentially triggered by both physical stress and emotional states as well as physical and psychological trauma. Officially there is no cause.

Symptoms for me: mass effect on physical and functional mobility. Paralysis, weakness, tremors, muscle spasms, double vision, stiffness, cognitive fog like state.

Put me in the hospital for a week and temporarily paralyzed me from the waist down for 3 days. Wreaking complete havoc on my body physically, enormous amounts of pain…

Prognosis: Assuming this episode was caused by my exacerbated levels of stress and psychological trauma, I’m fucked up the ass and no one yelled surprise.

This is scary shit. And I worry that my stress level at home will cause this episode of asinine madness regarding mostly my mobility being shot to shit to linger and I will heal and recover slowly. And I worry this could just be a thing my body starts doing when I’m past my threshold of bullshittery and chaos…

[parably]

I’ve been in a horrible flare for two weeks and counting and I’m at the point where I am thoroughly sick of it, and you are incredibly fuckin’ annoying right now.

Why do I look miserable? Gee, idk James. Neither do you cause you don’t pay attention to a damn thing I go through. 🙄

[parably]

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”

— Alexander den Heijer