paradoxicalspacesoup

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I was raised by a bear therian

Well, my dad never said himself that he's a bear therian, but even without the word "therian" being used, his experience as one was undeniable and incredibly clear to me. He spent much of my childhood talking about his dreams of Alaska, how the land there felt like home to him more than anywhere else on Earth. So much so that when the military asked him if he was willing to move North into Alaska, he immediately jumped at the opportunity and spent several years of his life living in Fairbanks back when the weather was still frigid and sometimes volatile. He camped in the wilderness regularly and would tell me stories of caribou surrounding his tent in the mornings, large grizzlies wandering through the rivers, and scraggly wolves with summer pelts trotting across the land. His job handling search and recovery cases at the time encouraged this lifestyle, especially in winter when people would go missing on the roads or crash their bush planes in the woods and he had to find the deceased and bring them back to civilization. Funny enough, he confessed to having a search and recovery team come and look for him at one point after he got carried away and stayed out in the forest for a little too long, deciding to ride the river near him a few miles away just as a "fun idea" and scared my mother into thinking he died out there.

I wasn't alive yet when my dad lived in Alaska though. I had my dad shortly after he had left, and I saw how much he missed it even at a young age. I honestly visited the state so often with him that you'd assume I had family there, but to him, maybe the Northern animals were family. I complained about it back then since I'd be wearing puffy coats and winter accessories in the middle of summer when everyone else was going to Hawaii or Mexico, but I saw how happy he was whenever he'd have a wild caught salmon for dinner or get to walk close to a glacier. When he'd see icebergs in the water from boat tours he'd be sitting entirely outside on the deck during or, most importantly, the day he finally got a chance to visit Admiralty Island (better known as "Fortress of the Bear"). It had always been his dream to go and as he sat there at ease in the tall grass fields watching the giant brown bears graze the fields a mile away. He had a look on his face as if he was meant to be there forever, that he was never supposed to leave. It was hard to not gain a fondness for the place with how much he loved it, and my dad would even tell my sister and I that the remote wilderness of Alaska is where he wants his ashes to one day be placed. Inevitably, I'll be going back again one day to the "final frontier" for him to finally be able to stay there forever like he wanted.

When he wasn't in Alaska, he was at home with me in Colorado taking me on adventures in the Rocky mountains. He was an avid fish lover, always packing salmon, halibut, or a tuna sandwich. I don't think he ate much else when I was a kid, and before my fish allergy developed, that was pretty much my diet too. I think he honestly was disappointed when I wasn't able to eat fish anymore, lamenting on the fact that I never got to have another Alaskan salmon or try a smoked fish. Every time his back would get itchy, he'd scratch it by using the corner between the doorway and the wall, very reminiscent of a bear using a tree to get some unreachable spot which I laughed about to which he'd shrug and say "it's an instinct I guess". Dessert always had to have honey in it, but if honey wasn't available, it had to be something with pumpkin or berries. Pumpkin pie, berry pie, and pumpkin ice cream were his favorites and his birthday dinners usually involved one of the three instead of cake. He often watched bear documentaries with me too, namely one I remember about someone who was the "Grizzly Man" who lived mostly in the wild and met his end to the very bears he spent his life around and I also remember him enjoying Never Cry Wolf, a 1983 film set in Alaska's remote North as well. It inspired him to apply for the ticket lottery every year for over a decade to try and win a trip to Katmai to see the bears during the salmon run, which he inconveniently won when he was literally already in Alaska and about to head back home. Needless to say, his irritated groans and pouts weren't forgotten on the plane back to Colorado.

My mom was mostly absent from my life in the sense that she played no healthy or genuine part in raising me despite being under the same roof due to her relentless addictions, so I do feel as if my childhood was mostly defined by being my dad's "bear cub". He loved animals and taught me to respect them and nature tremendously, and his "abnormal" behaviors became something I now recognize as something I resonate with as a grown otter therian. I sometimes wonder if he raised me into otterhood and if I would still be a therian without his influence, or if my otterhood is something of a "family trait" given that my older sister strikes me as a bird therian in many ways too, but I find it amusing to consider that there are so many animalistic individuals in my family who could fall under the alterhuman umbrella, and yet have never uttered the word "therian" in their lives. I'm curious how many other people in the world are just like me and simply never wanted to label it or explore it deeper, or worse, how many people have had it shunned into the depths of themselves to be forgotten about? I for one am grateful that I can call myself nonhuman and live a life understanding why I am the way that I am, even if I'm unsure of the source.

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Territorial Insticts + alterhumanity

i think a lot of alterhuman folks experience territorial instincts in ways that don’t always get talked about. especially if your identity includes predatory, wild, or socially protective species, such as canids, felines, dragons, etc. some of us might feel a deep need to claim space. not in a metaphorical way, but like. this is mine. this is my room, my den, my person, my pack. this is my corner of the internet. don’t touch it. don’t look at it too long. i’ll bite.

and it’s not always aggressive, it can be protective, affectionate. we make a space safe for the people we care about. we guard it. we watch.

for some of us it’s instinctual. for some it’s tied up in trauma, being displaced, growing up in unsafe environments, feeling like we never had a space that was truly ours. alterhumanity can make that ache sharper, more specific.

i guard things. food, objects, spaces, people. it’s not symbolic, it’s instinct. it’s like something clicks in my brain and suddenly whatever it is becomes mine. not in a selfish way, but in a protective, possessive, defensive kind of way. like: this is important. this is sacred. this is part of my territory. don’t touch it. don’t fuck with it. don’t even get too close unless you’re trusted.

sometimes it’s my room. sometimes it’s a person i love. sometimes it’s a hoodie i’ve worn every day for two weeks. sometimes it’s leftover food in the fridge that my brain has decided i’ll starve without. sometimes it’s not even rational, it’s instinctual. animal. primal.

it makes so much sense to me through the lens of psychological therianthropy, the creature in me doesn’t separate emotional connection from territorial instinct. if i love you, i’ll guard you. if something is mine, it’s not just an object, it’s part of my den. part of my hoard. part of myself.

and it’s also tangled up with my bpd [ suspected ], fear of abandonment, attachment issues, identity instability. my territory gives me shape. it tells me who i am. if someone crosses into it without permission, it doesn’t just feel like a boundary violation, it feels like a threat to my existence. it feels like my identity is bleeding. it feels like i’m going to lose something i can’t replace.

territoriality can be violent, but it can also be soft. i’ll sit by the door while you sleep. i’ll remember exactly how you take your tea. i’ll patch up your jacket and fold it so it smells like you again. i’ll bark at anything that looks at you wrong.

for me, being alterhuman means having instincts i can’t always explain, but i feel them in my bones. and territoriality is one of the loudest ones. it’s not always easy to live with, but it makes me who i am.

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My Avatar OC! + fun background with one of my screenshots

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'Sup

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I guess I'll be hijacking Hailey's blog for stimboards now lol

Shadow the Hedgehog stimboard with motorcycles, guns, and limes

🧫 🖤 🧫

🏍 🦔 🏍

🧫 🖤 🧫

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𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 01 - 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙹𝙴𝙲𝚃 𝚂𝙷𝙰𝙳𝙾𝚆

ׂ╰┈➤ 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯 ( 𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘮 ) ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆･ﾟ⋆*:⋆･ﾟ☽ : ̗̀➛ 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 : ̗̀➛ 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴 ! ( 𝘪 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 ) ( 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 . . . ) : ̗̀➛ 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 ! : ̗̀➛ 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 . 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥

𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 02 - 𝙰𝙳𝙳𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻 𝙸𝙽𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙼𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽

: ̗̀➛ 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘪 𝘢𝘮 18 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘭𝘥 : ̗̀➛ 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘧𝘵 , 𝘪'𝘮 𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 : ̗̀➛ 𝘣𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘶𝘢𝘭 ( 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘓𝘖𝘓 ) : ̗̀➛ 𝘴𝘩𝘦 / 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦 / 𝘩𝘪𝘮 . ( 𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 ) ( 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 . )

ׂ╰┈➤ 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 . 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘢𝘨 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘢𝘥𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 … 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 . 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘸 ! 𝙴𝚇𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 . . .

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listen- i get it inhuman monsters are hot. You're never going to hear me say that they aren't. And I'm also just as annoyed as every other monster fucker when people hype up a character as a hot monster and it's literally just a guy- BUT

There is something very sexy about someone who is almost human, mostly human, even. but with monster ancestry so far back they don't even realize that they have something inhuman in their blood- until it starts coming out. they get twitchy during the full moon- they have this voice in the back of their head telling them to bite, and claw with claws they don't even have. It's easy enough to ignore it at first, but as soon as they give in to those baser, inhuman instincts even once, it becomes impossible to ignore, and slowly their body starts to change into that of their monster ancestor until they're unrecognizable. an inhuman exterior to match their blood.

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Awakening is always framed as a positive thing, and it is! It very well can be! It’s just a little alienating when your initial experience with awakening was actually very “the horrors”. Like yes it took about a year to get everything sorted and settle in with a healtheir adaptation of the new given perspective but the first year was SCARY. It caused mental illness it caused emotional detachment it caused a god comples it caused all sort of things before we learned a healthier approach to it all! But then again this may just be something limited to the eldritchkin experience

🌌

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me and who

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Have you ever had a “cats being friends/in love/hanging out” request before 👉👈

Also I just found this blog and I’m obsessed, thank you for existing

pngs of cats being in love ♡

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frotting girldick against tdick and it accidentally slips in...

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attackdog puppyplay where I rip your enemies to bloody pieces and then lay my head in your lap to hear ‘attaboy’ and feel fingers in my sweaty, bloody hair

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I luv talking to my doubles bc that reminds me of

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grr nobody likes my muttering to myself. well im sorry im used to habing an audience. i dont keep humans around for nothing you know. whats the point of you/them all if no ones paying attemtion to see me be clever??

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I love setting my LED lights on blue and orange. Gives me a TARDIS feeling :]

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'That mad scientist is ruining everything!!'

I redid some old drawings of my boy Dima (when he used to wear a gas mask) ^^

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Just had my moral compass surgically removed!