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Into the blue

This is not by me. This is Hannah's poem which she wrote before taking her own life. This poem is damn amazing. 

Today I am wearing lacy black underwear

For the sole purpose of knowing I am wearing them.

And underneath that?

I am absolutely naked.

And I’ve got the skin. Miles and miles of skin;

I’ve got the skin to cover all my thoughts

like saran wrap that you can see through

to what leftovers are inside from the night before.

And despite what you might think, my skin is not rough; nor is it bulletproof.

My skin is soft and smooth, and easily scared.

But that doesn’t matter, right?

You don’t care about how soft my skin is.

You just want to hear about what my fingers do in the dark.

But what if all they do is crack open windows?

So I can see lightening through the clouds.

What if all they crave is a jungle gym to climb for a taste of fresher air?

What if all they reach for is a notebook or a hand to hold?

But that’s not the story you want.

You are licking your lips and baring your teeth.

Just once I would like to be the direction someone else is going.

I don’t need to be the water in the well.

I don’t need to be the well.

But I’d like to not be the ground anymore.

I’d like to not be the thing people dig their hands in anymore.

Some girls know all the lyrics to each other’s songs.

They find harmonies in their laughter.

Their linked elbows echo in tune.

What if I can’t hum on key?

What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?

Some people can recognize a tree,

A front yard, and know they’ve made it home.

How many circles can I walk in before I give up looking?

How long before I’m lost for good.

It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning.

It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself.

But I keep swallowing what I thought was air.

I keep finding stones tied to my feet.

[parthexy-blog]

That Night

well, hi there. This is the second blog of the day...:)

This is about that night that I did not sleep at all. I am really very sleepy and snoozy person. I really need rest and I love my sleep. Mostly I don’t compromise with my sleep but that day I did. You may wonder I would have done that to study the whole night!!?? But that's not the case... I am a studious guy but I don't spend my night studying tho...

So it was the night of 18th June 2018. It was my cousin’s wedding in Chandigarh. The photo ceremony was over and guests started disappearing after having their dinner and some dance. So now it was approx 12 when almost all the guests went back to their homes or wherever they lived. It was our family who was there. There were about a 30 people and I was amongst them. The wedding, the actual cultural wedding had just started when my parents called me to go back to hotel oyster ( where we stayed ). My mom and dad would also have stayed up if I and papa did not have a flight to San Fransisco the next day at 4. To catch the flight at 4pm we had to leave Chandigarh at least at 4am keeping the traffic and packing time in mind... So our plan was that we would go back to the hotel and sleep for few hours and then leave at 4. It was important for Papa to get some sleep to drive so much. and mom dad would pick me up from the place and we move on. I felt that I could sleep in the car, so I decided to stay up that night... I stayed at the wedding place, “wedlock manor” and decided to attend the whole wedding, rituals and the “saat phere”.

I never woke up a whole night to attend any wedding, ever. So, this blog is not about the wedding however, it's about the thoughts I got when I was seeing the stupid rituals. Sorry to say stupid, but I clearly don't believe in such stuff. I don't believe.

So when I was seeing this stuff I thought many things and my own wedding was amongst it. Idk why but I started thinking about my marriage that’s gonna happen at least after 15-20 years... I thought that at my wedding, I would do this and that... But after a thought struck my brain, I felt stupid. We spend so much money on feeding the one who already are capable enough and can afford their own meals at least 3 times a day... Why not feed the one who cannot afford to have a meal even twice a day.!!! I felt stupid, I felt shame, I felt guilty, I felt naked at that very instant. 

My cousins' wedding was a love marriage. I felt that these stupid rituals cannot make their love or relationship stronger or any deeper. It can just waste their precious time and money which they spend in preparation of all this. I am not against them, he did his part very correctly because her mother ( my bua ) wanted all that. 

My Cousin is just like me, young, thoughtful and doesn't believe in this bullshit. He is in the air force as a pilot and even her to-be-wife was in the air force. If the marriage was done according to them, it would just be a court marriage maybe. and they would just throw a party for the family members and friends. 

Another thought that struck my mind was these stupid rituals doesn't allow the mother of the groom to see the marriage. How does that even make any sense!!??? I was shocked when my bua went back to the hotel before the ritualistic wedding started. When I asked some people about it, they told me that the groom’s mother cannot attend the “vidhis” that are done completing the marriage ceremony. 

So, at about 3.30am, everything was done and it was time for “vidaai”. Even before the rituals were over, the bride’s mother started crying. And at the time of vidaai, the father, my mother, and dozen full of brothers and cousins started crying and hugging each other. This almost took 30 minutes or so... Now it was already 4 and I called mom and dad to leave from there and pick me up and leave Chandigarh asap. In about 10 minutes or so mom and dad came. They met the bride’s family and told that we had to leave at our earliest because had to catch our flight, and soon we went back........

And therefore at my end what happened, my cousin, her wife were again busy in their lives at air force, I am busy with my life studying and my parents doing their job and other relatives minding their own business. So what happens in the last is same that used to happen before. Nothing changed... so whats the point of doing such a “dhoom dhaam waali shaadi””?????

[parthexy-blog]

Hi guys, this is Parth. I won’t spend much of your time on my introduction, rather I would like to just begin my story which I wanted to share with you guys.

This story might look to you simple and not so important, but that one decision changes my life. So basically, I was in class Xth standard when I was given a decision to make. For Indians, you may know that in class Xth we get 4 subject options- humanities which included subjects like history, civics, geography, commerce which had accountancy, business studies, and economics. And other two are the sciences. Physics and Chemistry are common in both while maths and biology are optional.

The truth is, from my childhood I was like never given an option to choose my favorite subject other than science. Like, I was not forced to take sciences, but I was also not promoted to take commerce and humanities. Literally my parents are very open-minded, but still, our society gives a bam! on our bums.

What I mean to say is, whenever I was asked what I wanted to become in my life was given an option of doctors or engineers, like whenever I was asked, nobody listened to me, they preassumed their answer themselves “ki hamare ghar ka ladhka doctor ya engineer hi Banega”. Like seriously. bullshit. And the word of caution- my parents never said that, but there are other people in my family also. damn it. How the f**k can you decide what I want to become in my life.!!!???

Nobody ever asked me what my hobbies are, I like writing stories reading books, discovery and all that stuff but no, how the hell could I pursue my dreams when such a big bullshit is behind me forcing me to take sciences.

I am not blaming anybody in particular but I am blaming the effing mentality, the Indian mentality. Some people are like .... ridiculous..... really ridiculous. They themselves haven’t achieved anything in their lives and they suggest me to become doctors and engineers. Bullshit. Really damn them. How the f**k can you ... really, leave it. I just want to say that I am not dependent on you in any way, and I am capable enough to decide what I want to become in my life. In Hindi, we say, “khao, piyo, niklo aur apna rasta naapo”.

Well, in the end, I chose Maths. During that time, many relatives called me and suggested to me what I should take. Some young people in my family, who were open-minded told me that I should take what I want to become, as according to my dream. But on the other hand, some were as*****les, like always.

What I have realized is, people who themselves have achieved something in their life understands what dreams and choices really are... but who never have worked hard enough, just give lectures...

And I am very happy that my parents never forced me to take anything. But they really wanted me to take science because my mother and father themselves studied science and they promised me to help me if I got stuck somewhere. So finally I have taken PCM, Physics, Chemistry and Maths...

[parthexy-blog]

life is too short, enjoy your fullest

[parthexy-blog]

Hi there, I am Parth Singh. Basically, I am an Indian, currently studying in school ( class XI ). I am more into science and stuff but i do like writing stories and blogs and there I go an account on Tumblr...