pastellaria

[pastellaria]

I FUCKING HATE IT HERE

[pastellaria]

*opens discord* huh nothing new *opens tumblr* huh nothing new *opens instagram* huh nothing new *opens tumblr again* huh nothing new *opens instagram again* huh nothing new *opens tumblr* huh nothing new *opens discord again* huh nothing new *closes and reopens discord* huh nothing n

[pastellaria]

why do I feel like crying

[pastellaria]

Glass Doll

She is like a doll For she has no identity beyond what others give her Unable to feel on her own Unable to think on her own Barely able to speak on her own Unable to grasp the simplest task of naming herself Only given a name by someone who once seen her as a daughter of their own creation Why keep the name if the one who named her is no longer there Because its the only one that would fit Just like an aria she is an incomplete work She is missing the most important thing that makes her human An identity of her own

[pastellaria]

For some reason, my room feels so empty and so crowded at the same time despite only one piece of furniture changing, and it still takes up the same amount of space

[pastellaria]

Stop making me feel bad for every single small thing I have or haven't done Getting rid of some clothes Not working Not having a life Not cleaning after your messes Wanting you to do something for me Needing you to by something especially food I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU THINK I STILL WANT TO BE HERE I DON'T I WOULD RATHER BE LIVING WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS BUT IT TAKES MONEY TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY THAT YOU BELIEVE I OWE YOU I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT

[pastellaria]

its probably a good thing I can barely remember anything can't get sad over missing the good memories of friends no longer there or things I won't experience with specific people again its sad but its true you can't desperately cling on to the past if you can barely remember it

[pastellaria]

I feel so lonely

[pastellaria]

I am so unhappy here Someone that personally knows me please take me from my house

[pastellaria]

I don't want to vomit

[pastellaria]

I feel sick

[pastellaria]

I feel like how I did when I was a child always scared but never really being able to cry. What's wrong with me if I remember correctly I wasn't like this a year ago or even 3 years ago

[pastellaria]

I should continue being silent towards my family because just talking is starting to cause problems

[pastellaria]

HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU DID A "GOOD THING"

YOU LEFT ME ALONE

YOU SCARED ME

YOU BETRAYED ME

ALL BECAUSE YOU "CARED" AND "WORRIED" ABOUT ME

FUCK OFF WITH THAT BULL SHIT

[pastellaria]

I should just leave it I can tell I am not really welcomed there anymore especially by a few of them

I am reminded why I barely talk to these "friends" they are making fun of me again its hard to keep that more sociable act up when they are singlehandedly making it fall apart

[pastellaria]

It's a bit sad how if I cleared out all of my old discord chats, I would only have 3 dms open.

I get it. I am not made to have many lasting friendships or conversations in general, but I want it so badly

[pastellaria]

Stop

Stop it

Please Stop

Stop touching me

Stop babying me

Stop forcing me to talk