pato-the-writer

[pato-the-writer]

[pato-the-writer]

lou ferrigno jr really strolled up to set after five years, flew a helicopter to a capsized cruise ship in the middle of a storm, scrunched his nose multiple times, kissed oliver stark like he'd been training for it his whole career, improvised the chin grab, and i'm supposed to what. not love the guy??

[pato-the-writer]

Buck is about to learn what it's like to be the physically smaller person in a relationship for the first time ever.

He's about to learn why his exes liked to borrow his shirts, jackets, hoodies, etc because now he can borrow these from Tommy. He's about to experience the sheer joy of being cuddled by someone bigger than him. He's going to experience having to tilt UP for a kiss instead of down (only by like an inch but still). He is going to find out how it feels to hold a hand that is bigger than his own.

And that just makes me.... mentally unstable.

[pato-the-writer]

It's May!

Well, so since the last update soooo much has happened.

I got together and then broke up with a guy. I had a short identity crisis, obviously thought something was wrong with me. In the end turns out I'm fine, but I'll get to that a bit later.

I helped my best friend get through a break up, that ended a 2,5 year long relationship. I think I did a great job, she thinks so too.

I went to Italy on a quick getaway holiday, met a guy, he'll fly here in a month. That's the "everything's fine with me" part. Turns out I just wasn't meeting the right people. So for me, that's cool, I guess. It doesn't feel overwhelming, even thou it should.

Oh, and I'm moving out! My best friend asked my to move in with her and, tbh, I'd love that, so yeah.

I think I forgot about a few things that happened, most likely related to work and uni, but rn it isn't the most important thing.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

It's been only 2 weeks!

Okay, so since the last update nothung really happened, except for the fact that not even 12 hours after that update I got really sick and I've been laying in bed for those two weeks, so maybe the tiredness wasn't all fault of the panic attack, I think it was just the sickness letting itself be known. So yeah.

Oh, also! I downloaded tinder. Which is a new low for me. I've never had tinder. And then my genius /dumbass of a friend persuaded me to download it. I should tell you it's really easy to manipulate me and just persuade me to do things. That way I got my piercing, changed my hair color 2 times and (!) started wearing eyeliner. So yeah. But she's just the best, so I let her do this. But she can't know about it, she won't let me live that down.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

Quick update on mental health

Okay, so I just wanted to start by saying that my mental health is better than last year and generally I'm getting better every year, woth a few hiccups along the way.

But today's a bad day. It didn't start like one, but then out of nowhere I had an anxiety attack that turned into a panic attack, which sucks on so many levels.

First of all, I'm tired as fuck. I hate that after every panic attack I'm so tired that I barely am able to keep my eyes open.

Second of all, what the hell? Where did it even come from? The day didn't really start bad, I had a nice, productive time and then something happened, idk what.

Third point is that it keeps me unproductive. Not only because I'm tired, but also I can't focus. My co-ordination is basically non-existent, I make a hundred typos and mistakes that I have to go back and fix, my eyes don't really focus, so I'm basically seeing things like if they were behind a fog or something.

Then, maybe not last, because I can't really think right now, but the final straw is that I loose a ton of time on that. Holy shit.

Okay, so that's it for now. I hope my next update will be about something better.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

Hi, it's February!

Okay, so let's begins with saying that, weirdly, my New Year's resolutions are going really good.

I did begin a few habits, like taking my vitamins every morning or eating breakfast at least twice a week!

Also, I'm actively trying to stop being such a people pleaser. It's going good, obviously not without a few mistakes here and there, but I'm trying and in this case I think it's the thought that matters.

I didn't begin the squats think and I journaled only once in January, but this is still keeping up with the resolutions, so everything's fine.

I am slowly crocheting the cardigan and I'm steadily working towards loosing weight and graduating, but I'm not really worried about that, since both are long term resolutions.

I do breathing exercises five times a week! And, even though I didn't strat writing, I started reading again and building worlds and stuff in my mind, so it's still a progress.

I found my aesthetic! At least I think so, since it's been like 5 weeks, and that's a new record for me. It's a mix between clean girl aesthetic and light academia. I keep myself in really light, but still warm colors, keep up with my hair routine, still wear gold jewelry and almost obsessively buy and take care of plants. I stopped mixing music with my aesthetic, since that's a whole different story.

Okay, so that's it, hope I didn't forget anything!

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

Happy New Year and some other stuff

Okay, so I'm updating a bit earlier than before, and that's because it's one of my New Year's resolutions. I hope that I can keep up with this.

Here you go, this is the list of my resolutions for 2023:

Finally graduate BA Spanish (it's time!)

Stop being such a fool and people pleaser (I thought I set it up just to fail, but it actually is going fine)

Loose 10kg (in 2022 I lost 5kg, so I thought, why not double it)

Write again (till 5 years ago I wrote 2 or 3 fanfictions a year, so writing 1 this year, no matter how short, sounds like a good start)

Crochet the Harry Styles cardigan and maybe like a strawberry one, too! (I always begin stuff and then leave it, it's time to finish the things I start!)

Pick up doing squats (my butt is so flat!)

Begin to meditate and/or do breathing exercises (the anxiety attacks and ocasional panic attacks are just too much for me right now)

Journal at least once a month (let's be real, that's a fair resolution considering I tend to abandon updating my life for months)

Pick 5 styles and stick to them (I tend to get a vibe and then try to live by it with the things I have or I buy new things. That's not how I want it to be, so I need to organise it and stick to it)

Build habits (my skincare and haircare routine isn't really a routine and I just forget to take me vitamins)

These are my 2023 resolutions. I'm thinking about making a vision board or something like that, so I hope to update you to let you know how's it going.

Happy New Year and

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

It's been a while

As you can see, it's been a little while since I last posted and let's be honest, I'm not the greatest at updating things on a regular basis. A ton of things happened and still, my life didn't really change. Okay, maybe a bit. So, since we're past Christmas time and right before New Year, I've decided to come back to this blog and make one last attempt at making it a permament thing in my life. Hope it turns out fine, but honestly, I'm also a fanfiction writer and we all know that we have the craziest and weirdest things that excuse not updating for half a year or more. So, let's get right to it.

The first thing that changed, and yet really didn't is my uni. I've decided to take a gap year to finally write my thesis and end my Bachelors degree in Spanish. So I gave up on double majoring for now and just try writing my thesis one frase at a time. I changed the topic of my work and I hope this time I'll get it right.

The second thing that changed or better said is changing, is my lving situation. After a huge fall out with my then best friend slash flatmate, I get a new flatmate. I mean, the fallout was caused by said best friend moving out, but it's a story I don't want to relive and let's just say getting some dick (not a boyfriend, a ton of random men) was more important for my so called friend than me, so there's that.

The third thing is the most amazing thing that happened to me this year and it makes me even a bit happy that I'm taking a gap year. So, the thing is that I'm working at an amazing kindergarden. M'not really sure how that happened, but it's true. It's an alternative kindergarden, which means it doesn't really fall under the system and it's the most amazing and wonderfull thing. The kids are so lovely that going to work every day doesn't feel like a chore, but a thing I can and want to do. Sure, there are days when I'm tired or something happens that drains me. And obviously there are things that happen that I can't even categorise, e.g. a few days ago one of the kids (let's call him Stanley) decided that it would be a great idea to play in the mud, which isn't something terrible or weird, but he thought it would be the greatest fucking thing to almost swim in said mud. The fact that it was raining and the tons of snow that we had a few days prior were melting didn't help at all. In fact, it made the mud almost water like so when we came back I had to put him in the bathtub, because Stanley was drenched in mud. When I helped him undress his legs were black from all the mud and he was wearing two pairs of pants, one of them being waterproof. So yeah, things are always interesting.

Well, that would be it. You just saw a bit of my life and I hope I'll keep you in the loop.

Merry Christmas and

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

Well, guess what.

As u can see, I didn't update this blog *in a few days*. I think it's been 4 months. But that's fine. I actually got so much better. Did I fail uni? Sir, yes, sir. But somehow I am trying again, I work and I feel a shitton better. Life is just weird.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

The big mix of things

I am currently learning Italian, but holy shit, I just don't get it. But the second I read about Italian grammar in Spanish, I get everything. Sign me up as an Italian teacher, because suddenly, it's clear. That's so funny. I just need a comparison of these two and I'm good to go.

But, that wasn't the thing I wanted to tell y'all about. I wanted to do an update on Wednesday, but suddenly it's Friday and there is no update. Classic Pato.

Well, after being scared shitless, because I was supposed to do so many things I ended up sleeping for most of it. It's just so pathetic. I can't believe it. But, nonetheless (how does this word even exist, it's like the opposite of the Spanish a lo mejor), today I went to my classes (I am still here) and I flunked my exam, but (!) I can retake it with like hundreds and hundreds of other tests and exams and papers. This will definitely not be fun. On the other hand, after fucking up my exam, I got so much better. I feel like I can retake it and pass it this time.

I WILL update this blog in a few days. When? I don't know. But I will do it.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

How did we end up here?

Okay, another quick update, this time more on the other side of teaching. More precisely, studying. As I mentioned in my first post, I am so not graduating this year it's hurting me. I am so screwed that it's not even funny. I've reached my rock bottom and I came prepared. I brought a shovel. Basically, I should already have my thesis written and like half of the work done for my second career, but guess what? I am nowhere near the end. Will I try to do something about it? Absolutely, no doubt. Will I succeed? Probably not. I am starting to question why even bother?

Okay, that got pretty dark pretty quickly. Hopefully, things will start to look up in a bit, because I need something positive in my life.

Have I mentioned I'm single? Well, that's the truth. And normally it doesn't bother me, I don't need people around me and generally, I make better decisions when I'm not inflicted by others' lives and their successes and failures. But, I happen to have amazing friends and an even better roommate, which makes the whole lone-wolf thing pretty impossible. God, am I really bitching about having friends that care about me?

Honestly, finals season in June is just straight-up homophobic. I just realised that this blog was supposed to be a place in which I would romanticise everything and all I've done is talk with my usual grumpiness and same level cat-on-drugs-happiness. Okay, I should really start doing what I'm supposed to. Let's say on Wednesday I'll post something that will do its job. For now, I have to teach three classes and later go shopping and write a paper on a thing I have yet not a single clue about.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

Do my students love me or hate me?

That's a question I'm asking myself right now. They're writing an exam, so I think right now my odds aren't that good looking. Well, today's an exception. It's the first (and only) exam they are writing with me, and honestly, I get why teachers want to do so many exams. Okay, not this many, but I think between one and three every semester is a fair game. Last week we revised the material and now my heart breaks, because I know they get stressed, and generally, I'm also a student. I get it. Well, I lived long enough to become what I once hated (let's be honest, still do).

Weirdly, all my students like me. It does amazing things to my self-esteem. Normally, it's pretty low, but it amazes me that my 12-years-old students want to learn more and more and sometimes I say "the class is over, see you next week" and they ask me if we could do one more exercise. How can I say no to that? It's something that I can't even describe. I have students that are older than me that want to talk after our class, just to talk and tell me how they're doing and to ask me how am I. It's amazing that after just half a year some treat me like I'm their friend, their confidant, or just a person who asks about their day and is willing to listen. It's one of the best feelings in the world to see your student treating you the same way you treated your beloved teacher. I'm teaching Spanish and in some way, I love to think one day I'll be the stereotypical English teacher for queer kids, but you know, in Spanish.

I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. Everyone told me that's a shitty job and that it will kill me one day and that I'll be too tired, too bored, or just too angry to enjoy it. Let's be real, it can happen. One day it will happen. But after that day there will be another, different day that will be better. I'm not teaching long, just over a year. I have all types of students. I have high school kids that go to my class because their parents told them to. I have little kids, just over 3 years old. I have adult people on higher levels (like B2), parents that want to move to Spain, and couples that love traveling. I have whole families which invite me to their homes, where I spend hours teaching the kids and then the parents. I have teenagers that share their room with 3 of their siblings, which makes it hard for them to learn. I have people that"just live in the moment" and forget to cancel class, don't learn, or don't listen to want I say. And teaching all of these people makes me think "yeah, that's perfect for me".

Okay, this post is longer than I intended, but I just love talking about it. It just makes me happy. But this should be it, for now.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x

[pato-the-writer]

Let's start with... *me*

I've decided to start romanticizing my life. I know people say not to do this (well, maybe not life, but you'll get it in a few seconds).

The thing is that I'm depressed, tired, almost always sick with the flu or other shit that's more annoying than harmful and I'm in such a shithole regarding my uni, that I decided, eh, fuck it, might as well do it for my own amusement.

Entonces, I'll just quickly introduce myself and let you, and myself, go on with the day.

Hi, I'm Pato. Obviously, Pato is just a nickname. It's Spanish for duck and my best friend/roommate gave it to me. It's a wordplay on my name and pretty well summarises a few of my character traits. I'm a teacher-student. I study languages at university and work in a school as a Spanish teacher. And I absolutely love it. I'm queer and a cis woman, my pronouns are she/her.

Even if my @ suggests something different, I am no writer. I'd love to be, but sometimes life just goes a different way and it doesn't have to be a bad thing. When I was a teenager I had a Wattpad account and, considering that in my country Wattpad wasn't that known, I was pretty successful. Oh, I forgot, English is not my first language. I learned it in school (but it was terrible) and later, in my last year of high school, I started watching American series. Since then, I'm just going with the flow. I actually know four languages fluently and I'm learning two.

Okay, that should be it for the introduction.

Have a nice day :)

Pato x