paulinatow-blog

[paulinatow-blog]

Final Evaluation

My final major project began with a very vague exploration of the relationship between experience and perception, which then through the Rorschach test evolved into ‘pseudo-scientific theories of homosexuality’; it took me on a journey which aligned with some of my original ideas but was not entirely what I had expected. I initially intended to build on some of what I’d worked with during my previous project about masculinity and innuendo – but I quickly found the male-centeredness of my research exhausting in a community which already focuses so much on the male gay experience as opposed to that of lesbians, and in the end, the theme of my work was closer to the experience and self-expression within the queer community.

Perhaps unsurprisingly for a fine art student, my work has a tendency to be quite conceptual, and informed heavily by research. I ended up reading a lot more academic tests from disciplines unrelated to art than I had expected, and found the convergence of fine art, science and psychology fascinating; the challenge here was the cost of many academic texts, and trying to access or purchase them for as low a cost as possible. As well as those and a range of internet articles, I researched a variety of artists, but at times found it difficult to not want to imitate their work and instead draw inspiration from it to create something which would be my own.

There was a range of media which I intended to work with, some of it more successful than others; I decided to work with video near the start, having never tried it before and aware that it would be very time consuming – thus, “The Hunt for the Gay Gene” was produced, which is perhaps my favourite piece out of this body of work. I feel like I have certainly built on my confidence with the ceramic process since the previous project, as well as sculpture. However, I must admit I am somewhat upset at not having worked with performance more, as my performance “Beating The Meat” in Object Sustained was the piece I’m most proud of having created this year; though I did feel like the materials I chose this time was well suited to what I wanted to look at, especially in the case of soft sculpture and ceramic to explore notions of fluidity suggested by the properties of the materials rather than a more straight-forward use of symbolism.

I strongly feel that I work best intuitively, allowing myself to think as I create rather than planning meticulously in advance; I’ve found it challenging and stifling to follow a rigorous plan, and for this reason mostly planned for fairly open studio sessions allowing for spontaneous practice – which I think worked well for me, ensuring I get work done but in a way which felt genuine and not contrived or forced. There were indeed certain aspects of my project which required more planning than others: my video work , for instance, was something I planned in much greater detail but found myself so absorbed into it I completed it within a week, not two like I’d planned for.

The greatest challenge in my project was definitely curating the exhibition of my own work, where not only did I have to discriminate what I would display, but I also felt frustrated by the small amount of space available and a nearly inexistent budget. I originally planned to use the model’s changing room and a projector, making my video work the central focus of my exhibition, but soon found out another student had booked the room before me; I then found it difficult to visualise how my work would look within the allocated space without being in it. I made multiple plans but, during setting up week, ended up disregarding them and working intuitively with the space; it was hard to let go of the viewing box I had constructed, but it made the space look too cluttered, and I ended up only documenting it instead. I feel as though the end effect achieved a sort of intimate cosiness, exactly as I had been aiming for with my hanging sculptures and monoprints. If I had had a greater budget, inevitably I would have displayed my work in a completely different way, but something that this experience of setting up an exhibition has certainly taught me was that it doesn’t always have to take a lot of money or a glamorous space in order to create something one is content with. During this project, I got the chance to work with a range of materials, but it also helped me to more clearly realise where it was I want to go next, and what I want to try – specifically, I would like to continue developing my practice as a sculptor, but also delve further into exploring film and performance-based media.

[paulinatow-blog]

Exhibition set-up day two

I forgot to post this on the day but here it is now! To experience round two of me awkwardly babbling about my ideas for near ten minutes, please follow link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DuykOiWGDP3sKu718L0X151pKoUWNZJu/view?usp=drivesdk

[paulinatow-blog]

A rambly pre-evaluation write up to get my ideas together...

My final major project began with a very vague exploration of the relationship between experience and perception, and took me on a journey which aligned with some of my original ideas but was not entirely what I had expected; perhaps the beauty here was that I never did decide specifically where I should go with it, or in what way to get there - only to work instinctively, and as the body of my work grew and developed I felt that I myself did too. Perhaps that’s not surprising - one could argue it is impossible for a project based so heavily upon an aspect of identity in general to not fling its maker into a self-indulgent spree of questioning their own.

Some ideas I outlined all the way back in my proposal were those of masculinity and visual pun; while the latter – in a Sarah Lucas-esque manner – was a prominent feature of my body of work, I decided to abandon the former rather quickly after noticing how male-centred the gay community already was - while I am certainly not trying to dispute their importance, I had no particular desire of looking at men’s issues in a community with a pre-existing tendency to place them above my own. Instead, the topics I covered were more along the lines of scientific (and pseudo-scientific) theory of homosexuality, then of women’s sexuality and lesbian history, and finally self-expression within the queer community. I’d always been interested in lesbian history, and its relation to feminist theory in general, but reading about gender scripts in the here and now and in such an immediate context made me really consider the way in which I express myself – never before had I considered how much misogyny I’d internalised, which manifested itself so vividly into the way I used to present for a long time, at times uncomfortable with femininity but afraid to reject it.

While the work I’m proudest of in my entire project is my video “The Hunt for the Gay Gene”, it was the experience of shaving my head which felt the most powerful. I originally never made the connection between it and what I had been researching – I just wanted to get rid of my hair, not to make a statement – but after a little while, it became incredibly apparent. I didn’t intend for it to become part of my work, but without getting overly confessional or self-indulgent, I felt it fit in too perfectly not to be. I arrived at foundation with a very specific image of myself I’d been cultivating for some years – I made up for my dry and ‘laddish’ sense of humour with a very feminine and put-together look, which I presume I must have felt balanced it out. I rarely felt completely comfortable. It was never a conscious decision, but knowing fully well of men’s predisposition under patriarchy to feel intimidated by masculine characteristics in women, now all I can think is: was I so determined to be non-threatening to men? I shaved my head around Easter-time and it felt like a celebration of not only the resurrection of Jesus, but a sort of rebirth of my own too.

On the theme of religion – it is another concept behind “The Hunt for the Gay Gene”. While never explicitly referenced, what I intended to achieve with it was an exploration of a very serious topic but veiled under the guise of a light-hearted and humorous mockumentary. “The Hunt…” expresses a concern over the scientific quest to discover which set of genes is responsible for homosexuality; while intriguing for the sake of curiosity alone, and the interest of putting an end to the long-standing nature-nurture debate, in a world where homophobic groups (many of them religious) still advocate gay conversion therapy it has the potential to turn incredibly dangerous – leading, for instance, to pre-natal screenings in an attempt to eradicate the set of genes associated with homosexuality and resulting in the complete and blatant hypocrisy of ‘playing God’.

Originally, in order to display my video, I designed a viewing environment inspired by the work of Janet Cardiff amongst others – an elongated box with eye holes, where my video would be displayed through a projection on its back wall. Working in the exhibition space, however, I decided to discard it; I felt as though it made the space look cluttered, and it proved difficult to display in a way which was accessible. While this felt like a valid comment on the accessibility of queer spaces, only open to those in a privileged enough position to be ‘out’, I also wanted as many people as possible to be able to watch it – especially seeing as it was my favourite of the works I had produced. Instead, I put it on a screen on top of a plinth, at about eye-height in a kneeling position with a prayer cushion placed on the floor to encourage such interaction – which felt especially appropriate for suggesting the hidden themes of the video work.

The rest of the works in my exhibition are fairly self-explanatory – there are soft hanging sculptures, revolving around ideas of intimacy, and fluidity, and ceramic plates with a similar concept. If I had had access to a larger exhibition space, and a greater budget, inevitably my work would have been displayed much differently – but having chosen materials which I felt best showcased my abilities alongside video which was new to me was a definite success.

[paulinatow-blog]

Sarah Lucas at Whitechapel Gallery

[paulinatow-blog]

Photos of my finished space. Overall, I am incredibly happy with the way I have presented my work despite the technical issues I have faced - such as the projector not working properly and the space in itself looking cluttered with it in there, and the general fact I initially wanted my work to be in the model’s changing room and thus had to rethink the logistics of it entirely. Before setting up my work, I wasn’t quite so aware of the very distinctive colour scheme it had - in a sort of nude to dusky pink range - including even the warm lighting of my self portraits. A classmate remarked that collected together, the work reminded them of my house, unaware of what a compliment that would be - inspired by a family home, something I wanted to do here was to create an aura of queer existence as comfortable and mundane and unfetishised as possible - which are words so rarely applied to it, especially in relation to the lesbian experience. There is, in part, a sexual component to my work which explores intimacy - but here I aim to present it in a way which is gritty and not genuine and unpolished. How does the rest of the work fit with my video, you might ask? It is true that I feel like my project has moved away a lot since my ideas during its creation - but again, I think, here I intend to help the viewer to view homosexuality in a way which is comfortable and normalised in contrast with its presentation in my video work as “highly elusive” in the form of the ‘gay gene’.

[paulinatow-blog]

Rachel de Joode

[paulinatow-blog]

A visual comparison: Harry Styles for the new Gucci campaign, and me holding my ceramic chicken back in January.

[paulinatow-blog]

Life imitates art? Photos by Lori documenting me working/standing in/matching my exhibition space.

[paulinatow-blog]

Here is a photo of my exhibition space now - implementing a screen instead of the viewing box has been good in terms of reducing clutter in the space and making the film more accessible.

[paulinatow-blog]

Further ideas for the positioning of the viewing box; both have multiple issues. In the former, the plinth is too long for the box to fit on top well, which either makes it too uncomfortable for the viewer to watch a 6 minute video or the box has to be put at the front of the plinth which looks strange with the gap between its back and the wall. However, as it only requires squatting, it could be easily accessed by most people unlike the latter. In a way, this is something I like - it subtly comments on the exclusion in LGBT spaces of those who are not in a privileged enough position to be out, as well as often those who aren't young or able-bodied; though I do think that, while this could be a good idea for display with a bigger body of my work, for this particular show I have a space so small I would like to encourage interaction with as much of my work as possible - and to get people to watch my video, many of whom might not if it is low down due to its poor accessibility as well as being potentially intimidating for some. After documenting it properly, I might discard the viewing box in favour of a screen - a much simpler solution to my dilemma.

[paulinatow-blog]

Something I did not predict whilst making plans for my exhibition was quite how cluttered the hanging sculptures would make it look if hung off from a beam at the top. I talked to one of my classmates about it and while they said they liked the cosiness it created, which they compared to a weighted blanket in an somewhat odd metaphor which somehow made a great deal of sense, they agreed that the sculptures themselves did such a job anyway and the heaviness of them hanging above detracted from the rest of the space by creating the illusion of clutter.

[paulinatow-blog]

Exhibition setting up day one thoughts

I was originally going to talk about this on video but for some reason the front camera on my phone wouldn’t work when I got back home, even though it had been fine during the day - hence I made an audio file. I’m not sure how else to share it other than by putting up the link to it on my google drive - here it is: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1EjvATyq4ofu0zCdQLSUQAwF1bXeQdRbU

[paulinatow-blog]

Trying out different ways in which the viewing box could work - vertical is interesting, but would be difficult in terms of attaching the projector to the top and wiring it all up. On a tall plinth is safe and easy - but too boring, perhaps?

[paulinatow-blog]

Fronts and backs of "supplementary" ceramic plates

[paulinatow-blog]

My ceramics have been glazed! My favourites are definitely the two smaller plates with text on, and the smaller one which is navy blue inside - but I'm very happy with how they turned out in general. I still have a long way to go, but over the past few months I've definitely managed to gain a much better understanding of the ceramic process and different aspects of it.

[paulinatow-blog]

I ordered a mini projector and constructed a viewing box for it! Here it is shown with a sculpture I made on it, as I forgot to take a photo without it, I'll need to re-photograph it another day. I think there's something about this one which looks oddly like a sort of elongated bird house, which is funny next to all my previous work around the word "bird". There's a sort of voyeuristic element of the Kaiserpanorama and old timey gentlemen's clubs - something which feels sort of illicit when looking in.

[paulinatow-blog]

Following on from the presentational ideas of Janet Cardiff, as well as Pippilotti Rist and Lindsay Seers who I have also looked at, I made some rough maquettes for what my viewing environment might look like - the idea is that it stands on the floor and is at a sort of squat-height, forcing the viewer to bend down and causing slight discomfort - which should echo their feelings. The two holes are each rougly head-sized, putting two viewers (potentially strangers) in a situation where they are very close to each other and aware of each other’s presence. Is it emotionally charged? Or does it just fuel the discomfort? Having made the maquettes, I’m now thinking I must reconsider their shape - there is not much space where the projector can go, which means it would most likely not work as the throw distance will be too small, and I’m also wary of the fact it may take up too much space in my section. It seems like a wise idea to try and source a much smaller projector, especially as I do not need the image to be any larger than about A4, which would then permit me to use more of the space to display other work.