paupersparadijs-blog

[paupersparadijs-blog]

christmass no more.

" there's only so many familly dinners You can skip.. "

[paupersparadijs-blog]

Darkness visible

and he told me. I said to her, look ! Its like that plane is flying Straight into the moon ! but she didnt even look at me.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

waitingroom for some

its a waiting room for some. Those who get to pack up and leave. Me, i was living in between these White walls & sterilized disease and on a monday i laid on the Computer table. I swear i saw the sky that day. Singing " come on.. take another little piece o' my heart now baby "

[paupersparadijs-blog]

HSP

im afraid my spirit animal is jack from the shining. people always said i'm too loud. but at party's i always sat in a Small corner reading grandmas books. they say im so likeable. That i can Talk to anyone. but when i used to go out i always Sat at the corner of the bar. safe distance, hawk eye. ive had so many labels by doctors Psychiatrists and people that call themselves " lifestyle coaches " borderline, anorexic, autistic or depressed. maybe adhd with a little hint of paranoia.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

HSP •

Ive been high since this morning. Tho im terrified of hights. woke up at 5, sun was slowly rising, And it was quiet accept for a few Litterall earlybirds in my neighbours Dying tree. 5 hours later i somewhat got myself Mentally ready for the task of going To the local supermarket. which usually Feels how frodo is travelling trough The scenes of lord of the rings. but i like it there ( the supermarket ) Nothing really changes much. And for me its a lowkey place to Have some human contact. and then it happened. Hit me like i just Stepped into the wrong train. EVERYTHING had changed. The supermarket was being remodeled. So i step in, feeling like im in a freefall, I stop, and i look around for at least 5 minutes, before i realized the change Was of no danger. it totally knocked me off my feet, That all off a sudden they " did this To my beloved supermarket " . anyone recognize this? Due comment..

[paupersparadijs-blog]

vertieft.

Verliefd vertieft, Mag ik mijn hart terug. Astjeblieft?

[paupersparadijs-blog]

one crossing

its a small town, And now every time i walk Down the street, people Greet me as " the girl who's doorbell Got rang by the police Telling them her uncle died "

[paupersparadijs-blog]

the fallen

i remember the silence, the calmth like nobody gets sick after six. like the hospital was closed, after hours. i remember the room 3 beds, 1 taken. Six people. i remember how she held his hand, And so desperatly asked : " cant we just bring him back, he's still so warm " And i remember that question making so Much sense, it felt so logic. as if he wasnt that far dead yet, just a little. And maybe if we'd call his name Loud enough, he'd just come back, Like nothing happened.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

Parental advisory

it comforts me When i know the meaning of the Jokes in tv shows.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

i feel like superman, im barely human.

i like the lights the new kids loudly driving by on bikes i like the billboards with flashy images of cars & beauty standards , and everything you'd Need to want to fit it in. i like the darkness i walk into, And than suddenly its all around me. Swallowing me whole, from feet too top. im walking on instinct only. i trust the trashy lights to guide me. So far from humanity, and so lost In the club lights. the fast drinks , the slow dancing. I look so different in these mirrors. and im reconsidering where home is.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

i'll live.

“ ill live ” and “ life goes on ” “Just live your life ” , “live life to the fullest ”.

sometimes life beats you down to the pavement. At some bars we only drink outside. Tho i know every piece of napkin art they Hung at their wall.

“ life goes on ” doesnt always mean you Are going to be in it. sometimes you find yourself on the Outside of life, a bystander looking in.

“ life goes on ” for me, doesnt say ill get out Of bed that day, put on my make up, Or putting on a face.

it might mean im taking a pause from life, ill close my windows and my eyes. i might stare at the wall whilst playing Pink floyd for hours.

sometimes it means i distant myself From life, and the emotions it brings.

but “ life goes on ” for me does mean, i took A step back from life today, so i can start living It again tomorrow.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

Madonna - live to tell

photography on the television

[paupersparadijs-blog]

almost a haiku

its a risk such a rush. Mixed my feelings with some kush. i dont know you, but i love you. This is such an instant crush. It feels like im late for tea Cause i keep running into you in my thoughts and in my mind are you friend or are you foe?

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none or less

i just sat there, at this bench. While i saw him standing there, At the edge of reason. Ready to jump into his own sanity.

[paupersparadijs-blog]

•

[paupersparadijs-blog]

' When there is nothing left to lose , You have a lot to win. '

[paupersparadijs-blog]

iamx concert in " de helling utrecht " • going to his concert is like using drugs for The first time • 👑