pavithraaaaaaa

[pavithraaaaaaa]

What matters is love. Sex is just an accident. It can be the same or different. Man isn’t an animal. He’s an intelligent flesh. Though subject to sickness.

— Fernando Pessosa

[pavithraaaaaaa]

No need to hurry, No need to sparkle. No need to be anyone but yourself.

— 𝙑𝙞𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙖 𝙒𝙤𝙤𝙡𝙛

[pavithraaaaaaa]

I’m no longer trying to be digestible. You can choke.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

I don’t know a perfect person, neither am I one. I only know flawed people, who are still worth loving. The palm with scars or the palm that scarred, to what extent will it matter ? Flaws maybe of various degrees, the hurt might be incomparable, the heart maybe hardened enough to bleed my knuckles. But who cares, if it’s you ? The person I so adore.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

So yes, I praise him. I praise his hands that try. I praise his heart that loves people despite. I praise the softness his words carry. I praise the respect his parents raised him with. I praise his past and present, good and bad, ups and downs. I praise all of his which reminds me that we are much more than whatever is made to seem perfect. Me, the girl, who never easily praises, now prays I always be this kind to his heart, as I am now.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

3/5/23— Peak romance !!!!!! ❤️

[pavithraaaaaaa]

16.4.23. Dostoevsky, Bharathidasan, Edgar Allan Poe.

Had my deepest regret yesterday that I didn’t become a librarian like I wanted to and chose another stupid profession.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

16.4.23. Anna Centenary Library, Chennai.

If there was a heaven on earth, it would be this library.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

யாருக்கு யாருன்னு போட்டு வச்சான் நேரம் வரையில சேர்த்து வச்சான்.

பூவுக்குள் தேன் வச்ச ஆண்டவனே வண்டுக்கும் என்னத்த சொல்லி வச்சான்.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

Spend your life loving. Not seeking for love.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

how does one do that ? meet new people and socialise ? go on dates and try things out. how does one get asked out on date ? I’ve never been asked out on a date before. And it’s all on me. I never be up for meeting new people. I just rot in my room. I turn off the one social media I’m in. I restrict people from entering my life. Because everytime I let someone in, everytime I trust someone, all they do is treat me like a rug to dry their feet on. I don’t click with most people too. Beauty is subjective and still I find most people superficial. I’m drawn to all the wrong things, wrong people all the time. I mute myself down and read my books instead of socialising. I run away at every opportunity to socialise because it’s overwhelming and people tire me. But how does one do that ? Go on dates. What do they even do on dates ? Do they find something the other hides and genuinely smile all the way ? Do they adore each other a little bit there ? I have so much love in me but no place to put in. It’s choking me. It’s choking all the wrong people. I want to grow, mould myself and pour all the love, be understanding and stronger and kinder to the ones I love. Passion brims in me and I’m scared I’ll be the only one who feels love this way. That no one would accept me for who I am, for feeling this intensely. I’m scared I have to change to be loved.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

I need to stop looking for love in everyone I meet. I need to stop assuming everyone to be good people when I know nothing about them. I would like my brain to stop and be normaler.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

I need to be more normaler

[pavithraaaaaaa]

If you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark, it is all you will ever see.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

[pavithraaaaaaa]

30/3/23— Reading White Nights by Dostoevsky tonight. Wish me luck cuz I’ll morph into another version by tomorrow morning.

[pavithraaaaaaa]

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

—𝙎𝙞𝙜𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙁𝙧𝙚𝙪𝙙.