pdpony

[pdpony]

i feel as though i might have ASPD, as i deal with intense anger, difficulty with empathizing, antisocial behaviors like lying and self isolation, and engaging in intensely risky and impulsive behaviors. however, i am afraid to speak to my therapist or anyone about this due to how demonized the disorder is. what should i do?

Note: I am not a medical professional, just a guy with ASPD, opinions, and personal life experiences. Do not take what I say as ultimate truth or claim that's what I'm trying to be.

Hey anon, that's definitely a tough spot to be in, and we've certainly felt like that when we were first figuring out our own ASPD. Here's some starting points based off our own experiences and knowledge:

Check against both the DSM-5-TR criteria and the ICD-11 criteria for ASPD for official resources. For something that's easier to apply to yourself and is more detailed (and uses clearer language), I highly recommend @/shitborderlinesdo's ASPD diagnostic checklist. It's what I used when I first started questioning things, it's written very well, and it's more focused on the actual symptoms of the disorder. The checklist itself is based on the DSM-5. (If you're struggling to find the DSM-5-TR criteria or ICD-11 criteria online and you have a library nearby, see if you can check there; our local library has the DSM-5-TR on its shelves, although we don't know about the ICD-11.)

See how far back your symptoms go in time; for example, we expressed obvious lack of empathy and remorse/guilt along with violent tendencies from as young as 5 (as far as we remember) (and keep in mind that you may not go back quite as far, although into early teens at the latest for a beginning point is very common, and the vast majority will say it has to be age 15 or earlier, as that's when you had to have had evidence of conduct disorder by to be diagnosed).

Especially if you're a late teenager (16 - 18), track your symptoms to see how they progress. (This is still good to do even if you aren't at that age, though, as you can use concrete knowledge of symptoms over time as evidence--either for yourself if imposter syndrome hits, or for therapists if you choose to tell yours)

Check for other personality disorders. NPD/ASPD is very common, and BPD/ASPD is more common than you might expect. You may also want to check SzPD, especially if you experience a lack of emotions or have a flattened affect (so not expressing emotions even if you feel them), don't enjoy relationships with other people in general (whether of the romantic or sexual variety, or of platonic or familial varieties), and experience a general lack of motivation or drive to do things for reasons unrelated to depression. (I have a personal pet theory that the SzPD/ASPD comorbidity is significantly more common than is seen, simply because SzPD isn't very well known; some classic "psycho/sociopathic" traits such as emotional coldness and disinterest and distaste for personal relationships are classic SzPD markers)

If you feel comfortable, talk to other pwASPD about their and your experiences to compare and contrast Our DMs are always open, as are our asks, and we know @/cluster-b-culture-is' has a Discord server (although, it can be a bit of a mixed bag simply because of the nature of Discord servers, and obviously not everyone there has ASPD. Still, it's there as an option). @/antisocialcultureis is a good place to go if you're looking for personal experiences with ASPD (and other disorders related to it) but don't want to talk to anyone.

Be wary of people who say that you 100% cannot have ASPD if you experience x or don't experience y; eg., certain Quora ASPDers will try to claim that pwASPD cannot feel fear, and if you can feel fear, you cannot have ASPD. That is blatantly untrue, although some folks with ASPD may feel fear differently from prosocials or may not feel it altogether--still, it is wrong to say that that is true for every person with ASPD. Others will say that you must lack remorse, guilt, and empathy to have ASPD; that is also untrue, although this time, a lack of remorse and guilt is actually part of the criteria (not the empathy thing though; while it's extremely common for pwASPD to lack empathy, it's not actually part of the criteria). Some people say that trauma is required for ASPD; again, while trauma is heavily associated with ASPD and is the catalyst for probably most people with ASPD, ASPD need not only be caused by trauma (and if it is, that trauma doesn't have to be abuse from parental figures).

If you want to look for resources to help work on symptoms, look up resources based on the specific symptoms, not the disorder. Eg., if you're struggling with impulsivity, look up "how to manage impulsivity"; with anger issues, look up "how to deal with anger issues". You'll be significantly more likely to get actual actionable advice with less of the stigma and ableism.

I hope that helps even a bit, and if you have more questions or want to talk more, feel free to send in another ask or send a DM.

[pdpony]

The Anti-Social Personality Disorder Checklist

This is a checklist to help one understand Anti-Social Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I maintain my self-esteem (and often define myself) from personal gain, power, or pleasure.

My goals are often self-oriented, and I have difficulty considering how the consequences affect others.

I have difficulty understanding or relating to the ideas, feelings, or behaviors of others. (low empathy)

I have difficulty maintaining close relationships unless I am in a dominant position.

__ / 4

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events. 

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check SIX or more of the following:

I often try to make myself more influential over people and situations. I like to be in control.

I am often unable to understand how my actions or words can harm others.

I find I can be a dishonest person, either in how I present myself to others, or I’ll twist the truth of stories I tell.

I experience persistent or frequent feelings of anger or irritability. 

I often find myself in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities without regard for the consequences.

I am impulsive and often act on things without thinking or planning.

I often fail to take care of responsibilities and keep promises.

__ / 7

Section IV Must check THREE or more of the following:

I fail to conform to social norms and rarely do what is expected of me.

I compulsively lie when it benefits me.

I find it difficult to make plans for the future.

I have difficulty maintaining feelings of anger or irritability. 

I am rarely concerned for my own safety or well-being.

I am often unable to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.

I don’t often feel regret, and I am often unable to feel remorse when I have wronged someone.

__ / 7

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adolescence, and some traits have been persistent since childhood.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

My symptoms are persistent and not triggering by a symptom from another mental disorder.

At this point, if you have checked the minimum, you may qualify for a diagnosis of anti-social personality disorder. The next section is a compiled list of symptoms, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. often found in ASPD patients. I have consulted with ASPD patients for this information.

If you did NOT meet the minimum but relate to many of the symptoms listed, check out conduct disorders. If you feel you related to some of the symptoms, but feel many of your symptoms weren’t listed, try anxiety disorders, neurodevelopmental disorders, and depressive disorders. If you cleared Sections II and V but still did not meet the minimum, look into other personality disorders.

Section VI Common symptoms and behaviors associated (not required for diagnosis):

I often don’t feel anxious, even in situations where I should feel anxious.

Some of my behaviors are a means of self-preservation.

I have gotten in trouble with the law on a few occasions. 

I have difficulty reading social cues.

I find I am often unable to finish tasks.

I often view people in the style of an hierarchy. 

I believe everyone is only really out for themselves.

I am incredibly opinionated.

I experience dysphoria, in which I feel my body is not my own.

I often feel very tense and restless.

I am unable to tolerate boredom.

I am very often depressed.

I define myself by my accomplishments and gains.

I have considered or attempted suicide.

I find I rarely get stressed out, even in incredibly stressful situations.

__ / 15

[pdpony]

Literally what the fuck are you supposed to do when you don’t care and can’t pretend you do. There is an ever consistent problem in every one of my relationships where they tell me it feels like they’re constantly upsetting me and that I never seem to care and i have to grit my teeth and pretend like I do so they don’t get upset and the entire relationship implodes

[pdpony]

im more normal now so I havent been posting lately to the 2 people who follow me

[pdpony]

dexter is aspd’s sheldon

[pdpony]

me casually listening to someone vent not because i care, but because i want them to like me, need me, and see me as a kind of angel to fill the void inside on my guts that tells me i'm useless if no ones is obsessed over me

[pdpony]

How are you feeling?

I won’t play your psychological games

[pdpony]

getting over my rejection sensitivity by remembering people are replaceable and I can always just get what I want from someone else instead

[pdpony]

Number (N)ine: Cigarettes! T-Shirt S/S 2001

[pdpony]

[pdpony]

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

[pdpony]

ASPD Resource Dump

feel free to reblog! here are some resources related to ASPD that i've collected since i've being diagnosed (roughly 5 years).

Sympathetic Articles

An Autistic Sociopath's Story, Cassy, through Special Books by Special Kids (video. an autistic pwASPD talks about her life and experiences with both.)

An Interview with a Sociopath, Dyshae, through Special Books by Special Kids (video. a pwASPD and bipolar disorder talks about his life and experiences with both.)

Life With Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Andrew, through mind.org.uk (a pwASPD's account of their life and experiences with it.)

The Hidden Suffering of the Psychopath, William H. J. Martens, MD, PhD (a sympathetic view of pwASPD, and some information on the neurobiology of ASPD.)

Factors for Development

Antisocial personality disorder in abused and neglected children grown up., B. K. Luntz, C. S. Widom (from 1994. provides evidence supporting the fact that child abuse/neglect is a predictor of antisocial behavior.)

Antisocial Personality Disorder with Childhood- vs Adolescence-Onset Conduct Disorder, Risë B. Goldstein et al. (from 2006. discusses how symptoms vary in pwASPD whose conduct disorder began in childhood vs in adolescence.)

Predictors of antisocial personality: Continuities from childhood to adult life, Emily Simonoff et al. (from 2018. draws connections between childhood behaviors, diagnoses, etc., and antisocial behavior in adulthood.)

Risk Factors in Childhood That Lead to the Development of Conduct Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder, Stacey E. Holmes, James R. Slaughter, Javad Kashani (from 2001. covers multiple categories that may lead to development of CD and/or ASPD, including environment, genetics, and individual differences.)

Miscellaneous Articles

Antisocial Personality Disorder: Neurophysiological Mechanisms and Distinct Subtypes, Sean J. McKinley (from 2018. proposes three diagnostic subtypes for ASPD: primarily detached, primarily disinhibited, and combined.)

Executive function, attention, and memory deficits in antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy, Michael Baliousis et al. (from 2019. discusses some neurobiology of ASPD, and how it effects executive function, attention, and memory.)

Self-mutilation in antisocial personality disorder, M. Virkkunen (from 1976. reports on self-injury behaviors in pwASPD, and details their motivations.)

[pdpony]

I hate when relationships have to be transactional because engaging is expected of me. I know this sounds the opposite of how it should work, but having to pretend I care feels like it henders my ability to actually care more becuase im too busy thinking up the right response of what they wanna hear. Why can’t listening and just being here be enough. I know I have to engage to maintain a relationship but it’s boring.

[pdpony]

Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurted my feelings

[pdpony]

you are disgusting

come over

[pdpony]

[pdpony]

self-care phrases to boost your confidence

this shit ain't nothin to me man

I'll fucking kill you

.