Cloud Nine
Pairing: Jeong Jaehyun + AFAB Reader (no pronouns used)
Warnings: Weed use, Shotgunning, Puppy reader, Soft Dom Jaehyun, fingering, messy kissing, praise, degradation, dirty talk, some tears, subtle overstim, consent checks, vaginal penetration, pet names, sub space, good ol' creampie, subtle spit kink.
Word count: 2004
Synopsis: Jaehyun loves to overwhelm his pretty puppy with everything they need and more.
Note: I only briefly proof read this but I hope y'all enjoy anyway!
Top Dog OUT!
"Look at me, baby."
Your head turns to look at him and he grips your jaw, softly kissing your lips before exhaling into your mouth, smoke filling your lungs as you sink deeper into a type of comfort only Jae could provide to you, smiling with unwavering adoration as you hold your breath for a few seconds before exhaling, a light fuzzy feeling settling over your body as your high grew steadily.
"Such a good puppy, hmm?"
He returns your smile, ruffling your hair before his hand moves down to your cheek, his thumb tapping your lips in silent command, meeting no resistance as it slips into your mouth and presses down on your tongue. Saliva pools in your mouth and he's mesmerized, tilting his head a little as he wipes his hand on your cheek, tapping lightly as he takes another hit of the joint you had diligently rolled for him before he woke up.
He thinks you look prettiest like this. Your eyelids heavy as your mind goes blank, eagerly watching him in anticipation of any attention he would be so kind as to offer you. You were his favorite thing on earth.
"Hey!" He scolds you, watching as you nip at his thigh from where you kneel Infront of him, a brief flash of remorse skimming across your features before he feels your teeth scrape over the sensitive skin once again. The breathy moan you let out in response to his hand tugging at your hair, your head tilting back suddenly, is almost enough for him to instantly forget your wrong doing, but he knows what you want. He knows what you need.
"You know not to bite without asking."
He offers you an almost mocking pout before releasing your hair, the smoke of another hit filling the room.
"Can you go wait on the bed for me, puppy? Think you can behave for a few minutes?"
He can see you flipping through the options in your head, eventually choosing to hum your acceptance before you quietly stand, turning away from him and stretching before playfully wiggling your hips at him, your footsteps fading as you follow his requests.
"My little brat." He mumbles to himself, shaking his head as he finishes the joint and snuffs it in the ash tray on the table, taking his own time to stretch just to build the tension between you.
You're sitting patiently on the bed when he finally makes his way to you, eyes closed as your hips wiggle as if wagging a phantom tail. The anticipation of having him spoil you as he always did made you almost jittery with excitement, creating an internal battle as your body began to tingle, desperate to feel his hands all over your skin.
"You're being so good, baby. Come on, eyes open."
You pry them open, met with the heavenly sight of your boyfriends bare torso mere inches from your face, both of his hands coming up to cup your cheeks as a gentle kiss is pressed to your nose.
"What do you want, baby? Tell me what you want and i'll let you have it."
Verbalising your desires was a whole other challenge, but he knew exactly how to coax it out of you, his fingers slipping down to the sides of your neck, thumbs meeting in the middle of your throat as both hands wrapped around it. There was no pressure, however. Simply his own version of a makeshift collar to remind you exactly how much power he held over you.
"I just want you, Jae."
He shakes his head and you whine, earning a warning squeeze before one hand leaves your neck to grip your chin once again, forcing you to hold eye contact with him.
"Come on. I know you can do better. Don't you want me to take care of you?"
You can't say no, of course. You desperately want him to ease the ache that has settled between your thighs and spreads deep into your stomach. You breathe in deeply, humming as you think to yourself.
"I want your fingers, please."
He can't bear to push you to say more when your eyes are getting watery and there's a pout tugging at your lips. There's no need for him to respond really, not when he's shifting you back further into the bed, his body hovering over yours as he lays you down, his lips trailing sweet, wet kisses across your neck and shoulders where your shirt has slipped down.
"You want my fingers, pretty puppy?"
He can't help himself. He needs to see you squirm as his taunts settle into your otherwise empty mind.
"Bet you're so wet already huh? My bad puppy."
He sinks down between your thighs, pushing your shirt up as he pulls your shorts down, leaving soft kisses across your tummy that make you giggle thanks to the ticklish sensation.
A finger finds your clit, rubbing soft circles. Your already making a mess with the way you're dripping, your pussy begging for his attention.
"Oh, you're really something else aren't you? Look at this mess."
He slaps your thigh and you can hear the connection of his palm with your wet skin, a whine of embarrassment leaving lips despite the teeth digging into it.
He slides two fingers over your entrance, bringing them up to your lips and watching with admiration as you diligently suck at the digits, your eyes fluttering shut as you sink into the incredible feelings he provides you with.
"That's my baby." He whispers, his spit covered fingers wiping over your stomach as he kisses your lips gently at first, slowly intensifying it as his tongue teases into your mouth, two fingers of his other hand rubbing up and down between your slit, barely teasing your entrance even as your hips buck in an obvious attempt to gain more friction.
"Please, Jae." You whisper against his lips, your hands squeezing his toned arms.
"Shhhh. I know. It's okay."
He coos at you softly, pulling back just enough to see you gasp as he presses two fingers into your cunt, your walls gripping them, encouraging him to push further, your back arching up into him.
"That's it. That's my good puppy. Feels good, yeah? You like takin' my fingers, Angel?"
A breathless nod is the most you can manage, your body buzzing with pleasure that leaves you panting like an animal beneath him as he thrust his fingers slowly into you, perfectly finding your gspot. It was overwhelming to say the least, the weight of his body only amplifying every deliciously intense sensation.
"So fucking good for me. So good. You want more? Gonna let me get you ready for my cock?"
Your eyes are open in an instant, staring up into his own as if he'd just promised you something you'd never have again.
"Please! Please, I need it. I want it so fucking bad, Jae!"
He can't describe the specific kind of pride he's filled with when you beg for him, but it's something he cherishes and he's more than willing to give you as much as you can take.
A third finger prods at your entrance and he's careful as he stretches you out further, your pussy clenching in response as he massaged the spot inside you that had your stomach tightening, pushing you toward your first orgasm of the night.
"Want you to cum for me, okay? Cum on my fingers and I'll let you have my cock after."
The words barely even register to you, your thighs shaking as you squeeze harder at his arms, your nails biting into his skin causing him to hiss, though he never relents or falters in his efforts.
You're trembling beneath him, panting and gasping as your high hits, pussy pulsing around his fingers which tirelessly work you through your orgasm, not easing in the slightest even when you're pushing at his chest, the overstimulation setting in quickly.
"I'll stop if you want me to, baby. Just say the word."
His whispers in your ear cloud any train of thought you might have had and you don't want him to stop. You don't know what you want, but you trust him to figure it out for you.
Your arms have moved to wrap around his back, holding onto his shoulders for support as he continued toying with you for a few more minutes before his fingers left you, offering you a moment to catch your breath as he lapped your juices from them.
He's leaning a little higher now, more soft kisses covering your face as his thumb rubbed across your hip.
"You okay pup? You wanna stop?"
His voice is gentle, reassuring you that he would take care of you.
"I'm okay." Your smile is sleepy, but you still want more of him. "Please?"
He knows what you're asking for and is happy to deliver, kicking of his shorts before he settles back between your thighs, his palms flat on the underside of your thighs as he pushes them up toward your chest, not enough to sting but enough to offer him a clear view of his cock slowly sinking into you, the obscene sound of your wet cunt welcoming him causing his hips to stutter for just a moment before he's bottoming out, pausing for you to adjust as he always did.
He was always a little too thick for you at first and you were grateful for how considerate and gentle he was with you.
"Wish you could see how good you look baby." He sounds like he's in a trance, eyes flickering between your face and your pussy as he savored the sight of you. "Fuck, I can't even describe it."
His thrust are slow at first, one hand resting your thigh on his hip before he lets it go so that he can find your own hand and lock your fingers together, bringing it up to his mouth so that he can kiss each of your fingers. He waits for you to start fidgeting before he speeds up, helping you tilt your hips a little so that he can find the right angle to hit your spot.
"Jae! God, you feel so fucking good. Can't take it..."
Lips find yours briefly before he's nudging your nose with his in a tender display of affection, whispering as if someone might hear you.
"You can take it, baby. Doin' so good already. I know you can."
The overwhelm is building with every second, but it's everything you could want and more to feel his love and affection wrapping around you, overcoming every sense until the only thing you can feel, the only thing that matters, is him.
"I wanna cum, Jae. Please. Want you to cum with me!"
He's hushing you quietly, his hips picking up the pace as he chases his high, hands now gripping your waist as he desperately ruts into you.
He can't stop himself from letting go when he feels you tighten around him, your thighs squeezing his hips as you cum for him, your body melting into the mattress. It's the sight of you completely fucked out that has him cumming hard, burying himself deep into you. his hips continue grinding against you well after he's filled you completely.
He finally pulls out when you begin whining, your thighs aching from being held open for so long.
"You did so well baby. I'm so proud of you."
He keeps his voice to a whisper, shuffling off the bed to find baby wipes to clean you up with. Your shivers make his feel a tiny bit guilty and he finishes as quickly as he can, wrapping you in the covers and pressing his body close to you to keep you warm, chuckling when your hair tickles his neck where you nuzzle into him.
You don't need to speak, and he doesn't expect you to. Your blissful, sleepy smile is everything he could ever need.
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The way Jaehyun keep nudging your sensitive clit with his tip drive you crazy he keep teasing you for being needy âJae please im begging you just put it in just fuck my pussy already â you dont care you sound like a desperate whore all you want is him be inside you â Patient baby , you need to learn to be patient and Iâll granted your wish to fuck this needy pussyâ Jaehyun coo smiling teasingly as he keep focusing lined his pink tip on your soaking entrance but never fully push it inside leaving you all desperate squirming and moaning mess seeing you like this really brings pleasure to him, he love the feeling of how tight your hole compare to the size of his cock and the way you clenching around him completely drives him crazy
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Burying your face in his neck while you ride him on the back of his Cadillac feeling his head turn and his lips glide a wet path over your jaw before he nips at it, breathing something about how good youâre making him feel â or maybe something with more of a teasing edge âTired? Princess? Do need me to do it for you?â Jaehyun hands cupping under your ass, getting a good handful before moving up to grip and guide your movements and maybe a light smack for encouragement caught you off guard . âThere you go, donât stop now. ride that dick. you do it so well, baby. so well that i donât think i can pull out â
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stars, moons, & other celestial bodies | j.jh
pairing |Â jaehyun x female!reader
synopsis |Â With your fizzy drinks and vinyls in tow, youâre determined to make the most of your summer before the start of your first year at university. Everythingâs seemingly perfect; humid afternoons with your closest friends, late-night mixers at your local alumnis' estates, and sleeping in to ungodly hours. What you didnât predict, however, was your brother making the early trip home to surprise you with a certain someone â namely, his best friend since childhood â following closely behind. His unexpected appearance throws you off, and suddenly, your summer is filled to the brim with his presence. Youâre finally able to taste the idea of mature love, but is it really all that itâs made out to be?
content |Â brother!taeyong, retro-themed au, angst, fluff, coming of age, language warning, suggestive, mentions and consumption of alcohol/drugs
wc |Â 26.7k
song |Â delicate â taylor swift
a/n |Â for @hyuckmov and @rrxnjun, who kept me sane while writing this monster :D
...
The first week of summer before your freshman year of university is defined by sticky ân sweet cherry cola, rides around the abandoned carousel with your friends, and âborrowingâ quarters out of your brotherâs Cadillac to insert into the jukebox of the local diner; break has been this way since as long as you could remember. It's a familiar itinerary, one that plays back routinely every school break.
Youâve grown up without even realizing, your teenage days spent juggling academic work and getting into stupid situations with Mark and Chaewon trickling down to a close. This conclusion really hit you during an epiphany on a sweltering night after high school graduation.Â
It occurred in the midst of humid sepia air, the three of you still in your graduation caps and gowns as your bodies lay splayed across the asphalt leading down to your street. With the absence of cars coming down the wide road, it was perfectly rational to lay side by side in the middle of the cul-de-sac. The ground was simply the best place to ponder your thoughts and get lost in swirling memories now that university lay too close on the horizon; the sheer size of the sky seemed to mock your trio as you watched the clouds roll on by in their mismatched shapes and harrowing wisps.Â
A cigar â one comically too big for his face â hung between Markâs fingers as he pushed his body to flop over your arm, the thing no doubt âborrowedâ from the bottom of his fatherâs office drawer.
âThank the Lord Iâll never have to see you bitches again,â he had sighed in pretend relief, blowing a tunnel of smoke into the side of your face as you pushed his warm skin off of yours. Chaewon snorted from beside you.
âPlease, as if youâll last a day without us at uni,â she retorted, rolling over onto her stomach and pulling a face at Markâs teasing words. âI canât even count the amount of times Iâve saved your life over this past month alone.â
âYeah?â Mark grinned, supporting his upper body with his forearms as he turned to look at her over your relaxed figure. âEnlighten me.â She subsequently raised her eyebrows at him.
âMight I remind you of the time you got stuck at the drive-through cinema at 2am because you had locked yourself out of your car? And guess whose asses had to haul yours back home two hours away,â Chaewon pointed an accusing finger at Mark, her tone joking as she glared at said boy. He opened his mouth to say something but she held up a finger to her mouth in a shushing motion, stopping him. âAnd. Letâs not forget last week,â Mark furrowed his eyebrows, as if trying to recall which out of all the dumb decisions he had made was about to be relived, âwhen Kang Yujin pushed up on you during that one house party, you got a hard on from just that, and we had to cover for you-â
Mark shot up abruptly, leaning over you to slap a hand over Chaewonâs mouth before rushing to defend himself.
âBut she was so hot, Chae, you wouldnât understand,â he whined at her, frowning at you to do something and sympathize with him. It was expected by now, the regular petty and half-assed arguments making your friendship that much stronger.
As they continued bickering back and forth, you couldnât help but let your mind drift away back into the clouds, the setting sun soaking them with a blazing, burnt umber. You would be going to college soon, and that meant no Mark, no Chaewon, and no parents to keep you sane. It was strange to imagine not spending every waking moment with your two best friends, and even stranger to think that going to different schools would mean no more daily drama fill-ins and midnight convenience store runs.
But after all, you had done it once, and you hoped you could do it again.
When your older brother Taeyong left for university a few years ago, it had practically shattered you. Sure, you found him incredibly annoying at times (still do) and had a constant vendetta against the man, but when the moment came to hug him goodbye, you just couldnât bring yourself to let go. He had shown you the ins and outs of adolescence and given you the attention you craved when your parents couldnât. He taught you how to take care of yourself, how to look in the mirror and recognize your worth, how to know your own limits, and how to realize that high school boys werenât shit. He was always the first to get to the hospital when you had gotten hurt at school, and most important of all, he was with you throughout the highs and lows growing up.
If Taeyong leaving home had taught you anything, it was that time moves too fast â and itâll only move faster as you get older. You know that your life is about to enter Round 2, and this time without anyone to hold your hand as you enter an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.
But itâs not over just yet.
Your best friends would never let that happen, and you recognize this now as your golden trio sits in your townâs local record shop, with ceiling fans whirring above you as the cool storefront protects you from the blazing summer heat.
Itâs after-hours but the sun still burns bright into the late afternoon. You recline in the cashier chair as Chaewon flips the 'open' sign closed and makes her way back to you and Mark, the latter sitting against the wall with a variety of bottles surrounding him on the checkered floor.Â
Heâs in an odd position, and you just know his mother would flip if she saw him with this much alcohol on a wednesday afternoon (at least itâs not a Sunday after mass, but she definitely doesnât need to know that heâs been there, done that already). Mark tests out new concoctions every week, using the record store as his work space; the ownerâs never in town and barely any customers come in to buy records these days, so thereâs no one to stop him. Chaewon raises her eyebrows as she eyes the newest addition to his special menu.
âIâm not even gonna ask,â you say as he swirls the amber liquid around in a clean whisky bottle. Mark whistles at his creation, impressed, before holding it up to you and shaking it tauntingly. It smells slightly floral, the sharp flavors of absinthe and cognac making your nose scrunch.
âYouâre just mad that your mixes donât hit as hard as mine, baby.â With another swirl, he lifts the drink up to his mouth to taste. âAnd because you so nicely asked,â Mark smirks at you, âitâs Peychaudâs Bitters, cognac, syrup, and anise, and I give you my permission to borrow the recipe to impress your future uni friends. Youâre welcome.â You shove Markâs shoulder with your palm as he laughs at your baffled expression, body shaking with amusement while he sips away at his newest pride.Â
Itâs only when Chaewon reaches over to steal the bottle away from him that your phone starts ringing, startling all three of you as the name of your older brother flashes across the screen. Mark looks at you inquisitively, but you just shrug in response and press the receive button.
âTae?â you inquire, surprised at the sudden call. âEverything okay?â
He hums at the end of the line.Â
âMore than okay. Guess whose plans just changed and is actually coming home today for break,â he reveals right away, and you know heâs smiling by the way his tone of voice is lilted in true Taeyong fashion.
âNo fucking way,â you breathe out, eyes widening. Taeyongâs back? âToday, right now? For the entire summer? Youâre actually lying- wait wait Iâm coming home right now. Wait. Wait for me.â
ââWait wait wait,â Iâm not going anywhere sis,â he grins as he mocks you, noises of shuffling sounding out over your phone speaker. âMomâs gonna pick me up from the airport in 30, I think. See you then?â
âLee Taeyong! How could you not tell me,â you frown into the receiver, âI need at least three business days to prepare before seeing your face.â
âOh, shut up would you. I have literal voicemail receipts of you crying about how much you miss me,â Taeyong retorts, topping your sarcasm.Â
You sigh, rubbing your temple when you realize that Taeyongâs never gonna let your sad-drunk voicemails go. âFine, but you better spend every single day with me.â
Taeyong protests jokingly before giving in, promising you that heâll make up for the time youâve missed together. With a little, love you, and more of his usual unsolicited comments, the two of you say your quick goodbyes and you turn back to your waiting friends.Â
âDamn, Taeyongâs really back?â Mark looks at you in awe, his eyes shining with admiration. âHe never stays for long, thatâs crazy. You gotta let me come over at least once,â he pleads, hands grabbing yours. You know that your best friend looks up to your brother a ton, so you nod at him. âSick, imma finally be able to talk music with him.â
âWait, if Taeyongâs coming home for the entire summer,â Chaewon pauses, a knowing smile growing on her face as you groan, knowing exactly what sheâs about to say next, âthat means a certain Jeong Jaehyun will probably be following him back as well. And likely other kids in their year too from SNU⌠holy shit, the parties are gonna be literally insane this summer.â She throws her head back in elation as the realization strikes the three of you at once.
âYouâre so right,â Mark covers his mouth to hide the smug grin taking over his face. He makes a heart with his hands as he observes you. âI canât believe that I forgot Miss Y/N over here had the biggest crush on Jaehyun in high school.â You hit him on the chest in response as he absolutely loses it over your misfortune.Â
âLovergirl,â he sing-songs, adding fuel to the fire while you shove your face into your palms. Your cheeks warm on their own when your mind flash-backs to your second year of high school, your insufferable crush on your brotherâs best friend surfacing memories that you had buried after they both had graduated two years ago.
âIâm leaving,â you mumble into your hands, âall you two do is make me suffer.âÂ
Chaewon grins at you before pulling your figure into a tight hug, tugging Mark in too by his shirt to join your little group.Â
âItâs out of love,â she giggles before kissing your cheek with an exaggerated muah. Turning slowly towards Mark, he lets out a, ânope nope nope,â before scrambling away from Chaewonâs outstretched arms.
Smiling at their antics, you collect your few belongings and tuck some new records under your arm before heading out of the shop. Saluting your friends goodbye and opening the front door, you cringe at the wave of heat that seeps into the cool space.Â
âSay hi to Taeyong for me, Y/N! Weâll lock up for today,â Chaewon calls out from behind the counter, sending you an air kiss when you step out into your townâs center square.
The streets buzz with life as you make the quick walk back to your house. With a brilliant sunset soaking the streets in tangerine tones and a line of quaint shopsâ wind chimes fluttering beside you, you canât bring yourself to care about the heat. The alleys you stroll down are comfy, lined with the latest pastel DeLoreans and colorful paper garlands tied along their telephone lines. Itâs a complete memory lane, and your comfy suburb â filled with traditional gaewa roofs and terracotta neutrals, clay-red stained roads and gated hanoks â hold a familiarity that no other could replace. Itâs the more cramped side of town, and you might envy Taeyongâs thrilling city life that you see through his social media, but nothing will ever beat home.
Your lace camisole sticks to your skin with fervor as you finally get to your own address, letting out a sigh of relief when cool shade encompasses you in the juniper-tinted light of the mudroom. Setting your brand-new records onto the kitchen floor, their faded titles peeking over thin paper sheaths, you make yourself comfortable on the floor as you hum to yourself. The house is quiet.
You put one of the new records into your player before your gaze drifts over to a stack of pictures on the tabletop, filtered evenly between stray letters and tacky postcards that your older brother has always had a knack for.Â
In addition to texting and calling home every month, Taeyong made it a habit a few years ago to send you the little magazine cut-outs and mini posters that he sees on his escapades, trinkets that remind him of you. Your little kitchen-counter-collection has thinned out in the past months as your brother got increasingly busier with school and his modeling jobs, barely coming home for a few days before rushing back for castings and elite functions. Nonetheless, a little orange package addressed to you would appear at your doorstep with each change of the seasons, tinged with your brotherâs cologne and topped with his messy handwriting.
Just as you place the needle on a shiny black record with Missy Elliotâs face plastered across its front, you hear the front door creak open before noises of rolling luggage and playful shouting fill the house's interior.Â
âMom, Iâm not ten anymore,â you hear Taeyong whine in the higher-pitched voice he reserves solely for family, the telltale sign of his embarrassment, âI can carry my backpack myself. Promise.â
You can imagine the scene before you even see it: your brother looking away to the window as he tries to fight the smile creeping on his face, your mother on her tip-toes as she musses with her sonâs hair even though heâs a head taller, and of course, your father leaning against the door with a content grin as his watches his wifeâs face light up with happiness that the family is together again.
When you hear their footsteps near your seated figure on the kitchen floor, you feel your brotherâs presence before you even see him.Â
Taeyong stops a few paces away from you, dropping his bag carelessly on the ground before standing with his arms outstretched and eyebrows raised. With his messy hair and airport clothes still hanging off his shoulders, your brother looks like a favorite uncle at holiday dinners when he hasnât seen his favorite niece and nephew all year.
âArenât you gonna come say hi to your best friend before you abandon me for your vinyls again,â he teases before crossing the threshold in three steps and embracing you fully. âItâs been a while, hmm rockstar?âÂ
You hum at the familiar term of endearment, sinking into his figure as your brother rocks you back and forth. You look up at him, his face looking more mature and sharp than when you saw him last.
âYou gotta catch me up on that crazy life of yours, yeah? We have all summer.â
Nodding contently, you follow your brother and parents into the dining room for dinner before settling back into the feeling of having four people at home again. Just like the old days, before Taeyong left, where your worries were limited and you allowed yourself to be childish.
âŚ
If anything makes you glad youâre alive, itâs being able to wake up at 2pm in the afternoon on a Thursday and feeling you just gained ten years. Itâs truly a blessing, and if you were a bit more religious, youâd be thanking God right now for no school and black-out curtains.
Quickly getting ready, you give one last glance at yourself in the mirror before rushing downstairs to see if anyoneâs home still. To your surprise, you catch Taeyong right as heâs opening the door to the basement.Â
âSo sheâs alive,â he calls out with an approving nod, surprised that you actually managed to wake up before the sun sets once again. You roll your eyes as you pull cereal in front of you on the kitchen table. The two of you are back to your old ways in a matter of hours, making fun of each other at every chance you get.
âItâs not my fault you donât know how to enjoy life, Tae,â you shrug, grabbing leftovers from the fridge. He simply tsks at you before walking over to affectionately ruffle your hair, drawing a complaint from you about messing it up.
âAnyway, some of my old friends are coming over today to catch up. Weâre probably gonna be downstairs for a while so just let them in the front when they come,â your brother relays, moving back towards the basement when you throw up an okay sign. He gives you a knowing look. âYouâre always welcome to join, you know. They all love you.â
You crinkle your nose at the idea. Sure, youâre pretty familiar with most of Taeyongâs high school friends, but you really arenât too keen on the idea of spending your afternoon with a bunch of older boys when you could be hanging out with Mark and Chaewon.
âIâm okay. You guys have fun, though.â
Resuming your attention on your food, you open the front door a couple times over the next hour for said boys. Their features chiseled, styles changed, and voices a bit deeper, theyâre all caught by surprise when you open the door for them (Yutaâs inability to recognise you at all really takes the cake). You suppose that a lot can change in two years.
After the seventh ring of the doorbell, you sigh in exasperation before making your way to the front once again. You grumble under your breath before opening the door, the bitter expression wiping right off your face when you see the two figures in front of you.
âJohnny!â
âY/N,â the familiar boy exclaims, his towering stature enveloping you in a warm hug before pulling back and examining your growth. âLook whoâs all pretty and grown! You look so much like Taeyong now that itâs scary,â he beams at you while turning your face side to side with his hands, and you canât help but return it. If anyone was as much of an older brother figure as your real one was, it would be Johnny.Â
âHey,â a voice sounds out besides him after a few moments of Johnnyâs compliments, startling you, and your eyes finally flick over to the subject of your teenage yearsâ daydreams. Your heart floods with a jittery feeling when he reaches out to give you a hug. âItâs nice to see you again, Y/N.âÂ
Jeong Jaehyun hasnât changed a bit since you last saw him at your brotherâs graduation.Â
His hair is a bit longer now, dark brown curls shimmering gold in the sunlight and his ears now adorned with more silver studs and rings. But the sun-kissed freckles dusting his nose, the deep-set dimples, the starry eyes â theyâre exactly the same as you remember.
Heâs still breathtaking.
Johnny bursts your little moment as he grabs your arm to lead you back into your house, pulling both you and Jaehyun along with him to the basement entrance.Â
Even though youâre painfully aware of your fingers nervously playing with the bracelets on your wrist, itâs true that these boys practically watched you grow up. Even when you look at a certain brown-eyed boy, your whole world feels like it's stopping. Even when your stupid childhood crush on your brotherâs best friend was supposed to be gone by now. You know them, and they know you.
After Johnny and Jaehyun disappear down the stairs with a small goodbye and the invitation to join them once again, you head back up to your own room, collapsing onto your bed and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered across your ceiling.Â
You remember your brother and Jaehyun setting them up for you many years ago, their young figures using your bed as leverage to stick them on when you were still too short to reach. You had handed each star carefully to the boys, making sure the adhesive side was up before telling them where to place each one. They waited patiently for you to give them every star until the whole box was empty, the three of you high fiving before you had thanked them enthusiastically. Taeyong had simply pinched your cheek and said, âanything for my baby sister,â before pulling Jaehyun away to play another video game in the living room.Â
Taeyong was a kind older brother, never complaining when your mother told him to bring you with him and his friends on their little adventures. Occasionally he found you annoying, but his friends never minded your presence, so he couldnât find a reason to either. You were integrated into their daily outings, the boys taking turns talking and playing games with you as the days progressed.
You think your liking to Jaehyun started then: when your young mind easily confused admiration with puppy love. Your brotherâs friends were the nicest boys you had met, certainly nicer than the boys in your class at school. Jaehyun specifically always made sure you were comfortable, making silly faces at you when your eyes met across the room and remembering to bring you snacks from across the street when he got some for his best friend. He was perfect in your eyes.
When you started hanging out more with your own friends as you got older, things never really changed regarding your feelings for the boy. Your secret crush was still as prominent as ever, eyes following his mess of hair whenever he passed you in the hallway at school; it didnât help that his name was passed around no matter what year you were. Jaehyun this and Jaehyun that, you were definitely not the only girl whose heartbeat stopped whenever he looked their way. He was polite, confident, and undeniably charming, your schoolâs beloved basketball team captain and a favorite of teachers: the kind of boy everyone wanted to be out of envy, but couldnât. He was truly untouchable. Your classmates would stare at you in awe when he waved at you through the classroom entrance, telling you how lucky you were that your brother and his group were so cool and how you had guys like Jaehyun over all the time.Â
But it wasnât like it was any different at home, where he would smile at you just the same as you worked on your homework in the kitchen before retreating back into the basement with Taeyong.Â
Even though fifteen year-old you thought your feelings were pretty damn strong at that time, the age gap felt a bit too gaping where kids two years older felt worlds away. By seventeen, they were already off driving and taking weekend trips, your brotherâs license making leeway for nights when he and his friends wouldnât return until sunrise. It felt a little bit like you had been left behind, and yeah, it sucked, but you decided right then and there that you could have fun without them. Taeyongâs friends werenât necessarily yours in the first place, and you came to the realization that it might have been strange for you to be so close with them at an older age anyway.
If you were sad about not seeing Jaehyun in particular too much anymore, you tried not to show it. Your best friends â Mark and Chaewon â had always known, teasing you relentlessly when the older boy was around, but the idea of him was only a lingering thought at the back of your mind when he graduated. Your ears still perked up hearing his name in passing, but you had your own problems to consume your thoughts and started getting into a new genre of trouble with your friends; the idea of Jaehyun was supposed to be dead and buried six feet under.
So then why was he plaguing your mind like this after years of successfully not thinking about him?
You groan and throw an arm over your face.
Shit.
âŚ
âMy little film-maker,â a voice pops up from above you, the grinning face of your brother accompanying it as he surprises you into oblivion. You make a face up at him and offer a reluctant little wave before returning back to your camcorder, zooming in on Chaewon beside you.
Youâre on the asphalt outside your house again. The airâs cooler today, a gray sheet of clouds blocking any of the sunâs rays from reaching your golden trio. With your head on Markâs legs, he strums his guitar gently as Chaewon hums along to the familiar tunes. Her hands are busy on their own, one arm out while her other uses markers to draw a garden into her skin with washed-out blues and oranges.Â
You turn the camera around to point at Taeyong, the said boy poking his tongue out before plopping down beside Mark.
âI feel like I always find you guys on the ground,â he mutters, observing the way Mark strums his instrument with care and experience. Your friend looks a little intimidated with the proximity of Taeyong leaning towards him, but he plays on nevertheless.
You shrug. âItâs more comfortable.â
âAnd weâre a little closer to Hell down here,â Chaewon adds on with a grin, pausing from her flesh-art to look up at Taeyong. âWeâll all be heading there soon anyway.â
âSmart girl,â he laughs out, throwing his head back to stare into the sky. He stays there for a good moment before jumping back up onto his feet and twirling a shiny set of car keys around his fingers. âAnyway, Iâm afraid Iâll have to steal Y/N for a bit,â your brother fakes a trail of tears down his cheek with his fist. âDonât miss her too much.â
âNever,â Mark smirks at you, reaching out to pat your arm affectionately when you let out an offended, Oscar worthy sob at his words.Â
âDonât have more fun with him than you do with us, babe,â she calls out as Taeyong drags you off. You salute her back before she turns back to her painting.
Stumbling behind your brother to catch up with his long strides, your eyebrows raise when you catch sight of his infamous red Cadillac parked down the winding road. You grip on tighter to your camcorder before jogging up to the passenger side, ready to swing your legs over the side of the convertible.Â
âNot so fast,â Taeyong calls out, amused, as he strolls up casually to the driver's side. âWeâre picking up some of the guys and Johnny already called shotgun yesterday. Take it up with him, rockstar.â
You splutter indignantly before crossing to the backseat with a huff, sinking into the carâs tan, leather seats and crossing your arms. âNot fair, Tae,â you complain at him before he starts the engine, starting off in the direction of an area youâve never been before. âWhere are we even going?â
He doesnât answer.
Soon enough, three more bodies crowd into your brotherâs car after dropping by Jungwooâs condo, the boy squishing into the back with you as Jaehyun of all people slides into the seat on the other side of you. They offer smiles and quick greetings to you before the car takes off once again.Â
His proximity hits you far harder than Jungwooâs, and you know exactly why. You keep your head tilted away from him as you try to focus on Johnny in the front seat, whoâs passionately retelling an encounter he had at the supermarket this morning. Itâs incredibly hard when Jaehyun moves and his thigh touches yours, fifteen year-old you coming back to life within you and screaming all sorts of insane things at your brain. You can physically feel his warmth radiating off his skin.Â
ââso we both reach out at the same time, and luckily, I snatch the crate right before her hands do. But,â Johnny pauses to look through the rearview mirror for dramatic effect, his shades glinting as the Cadillac speeds through dusty roads. âYou wonât believe who those hands belonged to.â
He stills with the skill of an A-list actor, reaching up to pluck the sunnies off his face and stare right into Jaehyunâs eyes through the silver glass.
âLim Saemi.â
Everybody has a different reaction to the name-drop, with Jungwoo and Taeyongâs gasp and your muffled noise ringing out as your eyes widen in the slightest. You try to glance at Jaehyun subtly, and his face doesnât flicker a bit from its usual stoic expression, but you can feel him tense up next to you before relaxing a few seconds later. He appears seemingly unphased, and if you had not been watching carefully from out of the corner of your eye you would have fallen for it.
You know better, though.
âOh? Is she back home for the summer too?â Jaehyun throws out casually, tucking his chin in his hand as he looks out through the wind.Â
âWait Jae⌠you didnât know? I thought if anyone would know first, it would be you,â Jungwoo leans back, surprised at this new development. âEven I knew, and everyone knows I donât catch onto shit.â
âItâs whatever,â Jaehyun mumbles, deflecting the weird looks he receives. He ends the conversation with two words, and the car falls into silence with the only noises being those from tires against gravel. You glance at him before staring straight forward through the dash.
You know Lim Saemi.
Who doesnât, in all honesty. Saemi is Saemi, and youâd be the weird one if you hadnât heard her name at least once throughout your school years. She was like straight out of a Dior catalog. With as much impact as your older brother and his posse had left, she was everything all the girls in your year wanted to be: too pretty to be unnecessarily shallow, too smart to use her looks irrationally.Â
You remember Lim Saemi.
Sheâs two years older, like Taeyong and Jaehyun and Johnny. She was the girl who was occasionally over at your house during parties when your brother would force you upstairs, her bleached hair and delicate features drawing in everyone immediately. You remember watching from the top of the stairwell as her figure still captured attention in the darkness of winterâs pitch black nights. From your outside point of view, it was like she was the center of a spindling web that stretched throughout the bottom floor of your house; people just couldnât help but be lured to her.
You wanted to be Lim Saemi.
Just for one day. You needed to know what it felt like to be the center of a certain boyâs affections, even though she attracted every other personâs along the way as well. She was a different type of suburban it-girl, one that everyone was sure would get snatched up into the celebrity world sooner or later with the way she carried herself.
You knew that Jaehyun and Saemi had always been âjust friendsâ â or at least that was what they told everyone â but you could tell he had liked her throughout their high school years. How could you not, especially when you looked at him the same way he looked at her. Back then, it was more curiosity about their complicated relationship than hate fueled jealousy for you. You still couldnât help but imagine him treating you with the affection he did with her; even as a teenager, you understood why. And ironically, as you sit in the backseat of your brotherâs car with the very boy right beside you, the bubbling feeling of envy is uncomfortable in your gut.
Shaking your head out of your retrospective thoughts, you look around in confusion when the convertible starts to slow on a thinning road, towering evergreens blocking the sky from view.
Leading the car through another winding path, it emerges on the other side within acres of grassy fields and wildflower paths that circles a grandiose, central estate home. Marble blocks stretch across its stone ledges like ivy â an intimidating facade if youâve ever seen one. Taeyong looks at you through the rearview mirror. His eyes crease in pride when he sees the wonder in yours, enraptured by the sight before you.Â
âRemember when Johnny said that heâd always wanted to go to a local car show?â your brother starts, grinning at his friend beside him. âWell, yours truly saw an ad at the record shop yesterday for one just outside of town. Someone compliment me, I feel like I just made all of our afternoons a thousand times better.â
âThis is actually insane, Yong,â Jungwoo breathes out, eyes widening at the unfamiliar setting.Â
Retro cars of all brands and models are parked across an acre, their shiny coats glinting in the sun as masses of people linger near and talk amongst themselves. The white pillars of whoeverâs home is hosting the car show serves as a gathering place for lovers to mingle, precariously held champagne flutes an ironic contrast to the grit and dirt of the event itself.
Johnny lets out a low whistle before resting his weight on the center console and lowering his sunglasses, observing the scene.Â
âThis is exactly my type of place. Old, rich people and hot girls.âÂ
âOh my god, Johnny,â you laugh out, not at all surprised that those words came from his mouth.Â
You tear your gaze away from the outside view to look at Jaehyun after hearing his embarrassed groan at Johnnyâs words. To your surprise, heâs already looking at you. With his piercing gaze on your face, you look away, flustered, playing it off with a small cough.
Taeyong parks his timeless Cadillac besides others of the same nature before leaving to roam around with Johnny and Jungwoo, buzzing with excitement. Itâs no surprise that they make their way over to the group of girls huddled around a vintage truck model first, their giggles ringing out across the field as they throw sly glances to the boys headed their way. You catch sight of your brother leaning towards one in particular before deciding youâve seen enough and turning to explore by yourself.
Thrilled to be left to your own devices, you follow your own little path off to the side towards a pastel-colored Corvette that had caught your eye earlier. Circling it for a few minutes and capturing it slowly through the lens of your camcorder, you smile happily to yourself while replaying the footage in the shade of a lonely willow tree. The cool breeze brings tangs of clementines and vanilla â from where, you donât know â as well as the unmistakable scent of petrol and cigarettes as it picks up pieces of your hair before rustling the leaves of the willow.
âCan I see?â a familiar voice startles you. You look up to see Jaehyunâs lean figure making his way over to your crouched one, gesturing to your open camera with his head tilted. âIf youâre comfortable, of course,â he adds, the corners of his lips quirking up. Mouth agape slightly for a few seconds, you shake yourself out of your momentary funk and nod, thrilled at his interest.
âThe colors show up really well with this lighting, especially âcuz I just changed my saturation settings,â you mumble, stopping yourself when you realize he probably doesnât care that much. Tucking your knees to your chest, you wait nervously as you hand the device to him.
You think your heartbeat just about stops when he replies with a âthatâs so coolâ under his breath.
Jaehyun holds the camera carefully to his chest before sitting down beside you, leaning against the tree trunk before flipping through your gallery. He takes his time watching every little video clip and picture, giving you a little noise of approval every few clicks.Â
Youâre caught off guard when he sighs and puts the camcorder back in your lap, turning to you with the most serious expression youâve ever seen grace his features.Â
âY/N, you seriously might be better at this shit than the literal mixed media majors at my uni,â he deadpans. Taken aback, you canât stop the rosy warmth that creeps up your cheeks. âIâm being so for real right now. Donât ever stop.â
You pause.
âDo you know how reassuring that is to hear, especially from you?â you say with sincerity, holding eye contact with him.
âHmm? Really, me?â
âYeah. It feels like Iâm doing something right, like Iâm not wasting my time on a fruitless hobby.â Confessing one of your biggest fears to someone whoâs familiar to you but not, close to you but not â now thatâs probably one of the craziest things youâve done this week, and you do a whole lot of crazy things in a week.
Jaehyunâs expression changes with your words. He doesnât reply for a while, just seeming to take in the world around him with only his eyes. Looking from the drooping branches of the willow to its dirt-ingrained roots, his face is cast downwards with a faint, melancholic smile.
Now the mood is ruined, you think to yourself, bitter. Why do I always do this?
Before you can change the subject and move on from your awkward burt-out, he clears his throat.Â
âYou know, I admire you a lot Y/N. You and Taeyong,â he starts, the slim chain around his neck glittering in the afternoon sun when he turns back to you. âBoth of you have always been unafraid to pursue the arts, even though I know how your strict parents are about future careers and all that. I wish I had the courage to just⌠do what I like instead of being a pushover with my dad. Maybe I would be doing music with your brother instead of barely living day by day in pre-med.â
His usual confident eyes are tinged with regret and a little vulnerability as he ruffles his hair in the wind. You tilt your head at him, trying to come up with comforting words when you arenât so sure if youâre qualified to give him advice in the first place.
âWell⌠I admire you a lot, Jaehyun. Youâve always been that one person who consistently looks like they have their life in check, someone whoâs able to put their all in everything that they do. Itâs really a quality to be proud of,â you say to him honestly. âI think youâll do well wherever you end up. So donât worry too much, okay?â
The boy stares at you like no oneâs ever said that to him, and no one has; even if this might be a passing comment for you, itâs something that he feels relief to finally hear.
âThanks.â He says it so quietly that you almost miss it, but you can hear the gratefulness in his voice nevertheless. You both look away for a few seconds when a brilliant yellow bird flutters past the two of you, settling on the ground in front to peck at a white speck in the soil. âPretty,â he mumbles under his breath, blinking at the animal.
And with that, Jaehyun shakes his head a bit before resuming back to his relaxed demeanor. He lets out a breath of air and runs his tongue over his teeth.Â
âSorry for getting so deep all of a sudden,â he apologies, sheepishly rubbing his neck as you let out a little laugh.
âNo, itâs nice to hear that the Valentine Boy has troubles too,â you tease lightly, recalling the God-like aura he used to carry 24/7 when you were younger and the nick-name that followed him around as a result. Jaehyun visibly cringes at your words, no doubt getting high school flashbacks.
âNot that,â he replies, embarrassed. âAnyway, I feel like I havenât gotten the chance yet to ask you how youâve been these past few years.â You glance up at him in surprise. He sounds strangely sincere for someone you werenât that close with out of your brotherâs friends, and the confusion must show on your face because he finds it in himself to clarify. âOh come on, Y/N. I feel like weâve known each other since forever but Iâve missed a crucial part of your growing up. Youâre like a whole different person now.â
âIâd hope so,â you lament, fiddling with your camcorder. âIâve gone through too much shit to be the same as sixteen-year old me.â Jaehyun laughs out loud at your answer, knowing exactly how you feel as someone who was once a fresh, high school graduate.
âYeah? Well it seems like just yesterday when you were complaining about being bored after school from not having enough homeworkââ he stumbles over his words when you push his body with a light shove, the boy barely able to get breaths in with how much heâs laughing at your past cluelessness of how hard high school would really be.
âNone of you guys warned me about the horror of calculus, so that is not my fault Jaehyun,â you pout, shaking your head at him.
âSo itâs my fault?â he smiles, questioning your statement.
âYes.â A lie.
âAnd Iâm the reason why you almost failed second semester math?â
âYes.â Another lie. Wait. âWhatâ how do you even know about that?â You demand, incredulous. Jaehyun just raises his eyebrows and hides his growing grin behind his hand. âFucking Lee Taeyong.â
He looks overjoyed at your seething, playfully poking out his bottom lip in a mock-frown before getting up and dusting off his pants. Offering a hand to you, Jaehyun uses his strength to pull you to your feet; youâre hyper-aware of the warmth of his palm as your hands linger for a millisecond before he pulls away.Â
Iâm so screwed, you think to yourself, blinking at the sky with fervor. Shaking your head, you tuck your hand to your side and try not to think of his skin on yours.
âTheyâre finally done flirting,â he notes with a hum, making an acute observation as you both spy the three other boys heading back to the car, their reluctant forms obvious when you see one girl hold up her hands in a âcall meâ sign.
Smirking, you skip ahead of Jaehyun before turning back and waving your wallet at him.
â25000 won that weâll see one of those girls walk out of Taeâs room tomorrow morning,â you chant as Jaehyun jogs to catch up with you. Chuckling, he pushes your wallet away.
âNah, that man doesnât give a fuck about the time of day. 25000 that sheâs gonna be at your house in twenty,â he counters, snorting when you gag at the thought.
You canât help but light up at his content face; this feels like this is the first time youâve ever had a real, honest to goodness, conversation with him as a young adult.
And youâre in trouble, because you think you like it more than you should.
âŚ
âI did it,â Chaewon confesses over the phone, the sound of a knife against a chopping board from her end revealing her current position.
âWhat,â you inquire, âyou finally passed your license test?â
âShut the fuck up.â
âNever.â You flash a wicked grin at the sheet music in your hands, shuffling through the never-ending leaflets.Â
When Taeyong had said heâd pay you to organize his papers, you clearly werenât thinking straight enough to be saying yes to this hell. Heâs been out for an hour already and not even a third of the pile is sorted through. You slump forward on the couch and shake out your tired hands, groaning when your knuckle hits the coffee table with a painful thump.
âFor your information, I donât need to drive. Hot girls take public transportation,â she retorts with a humph.
âCanât argue with you there, passenger princess.â
âOh please, I can literally feel the sarcasm dripping from your voice.â
You laugh, a âyou know me, Chaeâ accompanying the sound ringing out through your empty house. Gathering Taeyongâs work into your arms and dumping the rest on the table, you slide onto the carpeted ground with a sigh. Your bones are overly sore from sitting for too long and the couches seams have made painful, little white imprints on your thighs. With a click of your tongue, you inwardly curse your brother for offering such good deals to a minimum wage paid, about-to-be uni kid, or else you wouldn't be spending a perfectly good Saturday afternoon on whatever this is.
âSo,â you prompt, âwhat did you do this time.â
âHa,â Chaewon starts.
âIâm scared.â
âRan into Jaehyun today.â
âAaand thatâs my cue to hang up now,â you sing, slipping the phone between your shoulder and ear, the warm device tucked neatly in the crevice of your neck before you hear the sound of your doorbell ringing out.Â
âWaitââ
âHold on for a sec, Chae. Someoneâs at the door.âÂ
You will yourself to get up from the carpet before making your way over to the front of the house, preparing yourself for a blast of hot summer air to hit you. The silver knob twists under your hand as you swing the door open slowly, expecting the mailman or a delivery on your front porch. Certainly notâ
ââHey.â
Your eyes flick up in surprise.
âOh shit,â Chaewon whispers over the phone. âThatâs not who I think it is, right?â
Itâs been a week since you last saw Jaehyun face to face, and your conflicted inner thoughts have been battling in your conscience for the entirety of it. Well, this isnât great.
âHi Jaehyun,â you manage to sound out, mentally chastising yourself for sounding so nervous.
âAnd thatâs my cue to hang up now,â the voice at the other end of your call snickers, the long beep of it ending blaring into your ear.Â
Your arm drops to your side, phone in hand, as you stare pointedly at Chaewonâs contact info lighting up the screen, her eyes mocking you through her profile picture. Jaehyun lifts an eyebrow as he looks between your phone and your face, seemingly questioning if youâre currently busy through his eyes alone.
âUmmâŚâ your gaze flits around in flusteration, looking just about anywhere but him. âTaeyongâs not home right now, if thatâs why youâre here.â
âOh? Do you know when heâll be back?â he asks, relaxed as he leans his body against the doorframe.
âHeâs picking up stuff from Johnnyâs across town, so like,â you glance up at the clock, âan hour? I could uh⌠call you when he gets back if you want.â
Jaehyun simply pokes his tongue into his cheek in contemplation before tucking his hands into his pockets.
âNah, itâs okay. Iâll just stay.â With a small smile, he adds on, âif you're okay with that, of course.â
You peer past him to see his shiny black Mustang sitting in front of your house, before returning to your original position and shrugging at the foyer. Losing your shyness momentarily as you let out a puff of air, you follow Jaehyun in before deciding to answer.
âMy company is a blessing in itself, isnât it,â you think out loud, displaying a cheeky smile when Jaehyun turns around to playfully scoff at you.
âNow thatâs a sure thing, Y/N.âÂ
The boy seats himself on one of the kitchen barstools and places his chin in his hand, leaning over the counter to stare at you as you busy yourself with the fridge.
In all honesty, you werenât prepared to see him again. Heâs already been occupying your mind a little too much for your liking during this past week, the idea of his return to your life teetering you on the edge of insanity. You didnât know high school crushes hit that hard two years later, and it certainly doesnât help that his golden skin and constellation of tawny freckles have made an almost daily appearance in the Lee household â just like the old times.
âI think we still have that special glass-bottled lemonade from the farmerâs market last weekend, unless,â you pause, sifting through the multitude of items in the ice box. âYup. Nevermind. Taeyong finished all of them.â
Jaehyun snorts, already familiar with his best friendâs midnight tendencies of clearing out the fridge whenever, wherever.
âWe also have water? And um⌠milk. And Vodka.â
âThis sounds like Yutaâs fridge, and that thought alone is like, genuinely terrifying,â Jaehyun observes from behind you. You shake your head, recalling the first time you saw the said boyâs freezer stash of condiments and liquor at a house party a few years ago. Only condiments and liquor.
âOh! And cold noodles,â you hold up the container with a little shake. âI remember you liking my momâs version of them,â you mumble quietly, willing yourself to turn around when the cold air from the fridge starts to sting your eyes.
Jaehyun observes you curiously, a question at the tip of his tongue. You remember?
He stops himself from blurting it out when you seat yourself across from him and push the container towards his direction.
âYou practically live here anyway. Help yourself,â you say a bit louder, embarrassed about the fact that you remember such a miniscule detail about him.
You squint at the countertop â which you honestly wish would swallow you whole â as Jaehyun moves around you to pour himself a glass of water. His muscles strain against his loose t-shirt as he moves around your kitchen with familiarity, and you turn away with wide eyes when you realize youâve spaced out while staring at his back.
Itâs a situation that younger you would have never imagined; you had simply never been left in a room with him alone. Your brother and his other friends were always there, a subtle reminder of the distance between you two and the fact that he was probably still worlds away.
But youâre an adult now, and itâd be a lie if you said that you donât want Jaehyun to notice you in that way.
Feelings are too complicated to think about sober. You grimace to yourself, pressing two fingers against your temple as you lean your cheek against the cool, hard marble of the countertop.
âY/N?â you lift your head up at your name, flinching back in surprise when Jaehyunâs face appears at the edge of your vision, his figure buzzing with excitement as he gapes at you. âThis is yours, right?â
Your eyes drift to the black canisters in his palm. My film.
âOh yeahâ wait. I forgot to develop those ones,â you make your way over and take the undeveloped film rolls into your hands, the boy observing you with wide eyes.
âThatâs sick. Do you develop them yourself?âÂ
âHm? Nah, I bring them to the camera store downtown. Left them in the fridge to preserve for a while so they should be good to go now.â
Itâs only when you look up from the canisters that you spy his expression, the pure giddiness painted on his features catching you off guard. Jaehyunâs body language tells you that he is unnervingly thrilled about his new discovery.
âYou were never into this kind of stuff when Taeyong and I were still here in high school,â he brings up slowly, letting the words sit on his tongue before following you when you head towards the stairs. âIf I had knownâŚâ he trails off, pursing his lips to the side so that his notorious dimples show.
You peer at him over your nose bridge curiously. If he had known, he would've what?
Jaehyun pokes his tongue into his cheek and furrows his brows, thinking about the times when he was over at your house after school and you would be nowhere to be seen. Is the dark room where you were, or were you out taking pictures at the rink and shooting short films with your friends? Maybe at the park with your old camcorder and skateboard? The fact that he never knew about so many of your hobbies is almost troubling considering how long heâs known you, and it makes him shift in place. He supposes he never really took the time to know his best friendâs little sister, but looking at you as you stare back, youâre so much more than that.Â
Had you always shared so much in common?
âWell, imma go upstairs and watch a movie,â you resume your climb before pointing upward. âYou can come up until Tae comes home, if you want?â
The boy glances at the door momentarily, contemplating how Taeyong would react if he found him in his sisterâs room. Would he kill me? Maybe.
He shrugs. Fuck it, I could totally beat him in a fight, Jaehyun reasons, smiling to himself. He doesnât know how he reached that conclusion, but he thinks heâs joking. Mostly.
âThe real question is, whatâre we watching? If itâs some romcom shit Iâm leaving,â Jaehyun raises a challenging brow with his smirk as he follows you nonetheless, hand following yours dangerously close on the wooden handrail.
âNot my problem youâve got no taste.â
âOh please,â he rolls his eyes, pushing his body into view as you push open your bedroom door, âI might actually die if I see DiCaprioâs face one more time, and you canât tell me itâs not you that has all of his movies in the living room cabinet, âcause theyâre definitely not your brotherâs.â
âThat seems a bit of a personal issue between you and him, Jaehyun,â you let out a laugh with your words. Turning around to flick on the light switch, youâre met with his face closer than it was before. âWhat.â
âWhat?â he repeats, almost mockingly. âOh, sweetheart. You think this face isnât DiCaprio level?â
Your face heats up without your consent, flustered at the sudden proximity and the fact that you most definitely think Jaehyunâs better than all of your favorite actors combined. You would never admit that to him for the life of you, though.
You swallow before pushing him lightly, making your way into the center of your bedroom.
âAdmit it,â he sings, not giving up as he relentlessly parks himself in front of you with his legs set further apart so that he can look at you at eye level. âI bet even Ji Chang-wookâs got nothing on me.â
âWoah woah woah,â you gasp in offense, throwing a hand up to your chest. âNow thatâs crossing the line, buddy. Ji Chang-wookâs got something on everybody.â
âI bet,â Jaehyun drawls out sarcastically, eyes flipping to the ceiling ludicrously slow. He seems to glitch for a few seconds, mouth open but no words coming out. âEspecially with the way his face is plastered⌠on⌠your ceiling? You fall asleep to that?â
Your eyes widen when you have the sudden realization that Jeong Jaehyun is in your room, in your personal space, looking at your things. And that most certainly includes the poster of Ji Chang-wook next to the plastic stars above your bed, glassy, plastic-y eyes staring down at your ruffley bed sheets and everything. In your defense, it was the result of a lost dare â but he doesnât know that. Wow, you think to yourself, regretting all of your life decisions, Iâm just so good at first impressions.
âYes,â you give up somewhat dejectedly, offering him a (hopefully) confident smile before pulling a projector from under your bed and setting it up on your bedside table.
Jaehyun just shrugs and seats himself on your bed, muttering a little âcuteâ that you miss before observing as you give the machine a few good slaps so itâll turn on. Settling against the wall, he lets his eyes flutter over your decor and multitude of things plastered across every inch of your space. If anything, the way your roomâs changed since the last time he was in it gives him an outlook into your life that he wouldn't have known otherwise.Â
From the blockbuster movie ads on your door to the unfiltered sunlight reflecting off your mirror, the shoelaces tied around your closet door to the origami threaded around your ceiling fan, he feels like heâs falling. Maybe, just maybe, he even finds a bit of himself in the painted shoe boxes shoved under your desk and your circular record shelf. Even the stars he and Taeyong stuck on years ago are still there too. He recognizes bits and pieces here and there, but thrown together in one place, a cohesive picture forms in front of him. Itâs suffocating â in a good way â as if heâs been thrown into the unknown and is hit with a new side of you at full force; everything, everywhere, all at once.
âHa!â you exclaim, holding out a fist for Jaehyun to bump when your projector flickers on. With a bright grin, you flop onto the bed beside him and wait for the whirring of the projector to start with a hollow click.
The beginning few seconds of the film youâve chosen roll onto your makeshift movie screen, a white sheet hanging by its threads from your vanity, as the bright images light up your figures with a burning white.
Jaehyun figures out what youâve done just as a familiar face blurs into view, the moving calligraphy of The Great Gatsby scrawled across your bedroom wall while you poke out your tongue at him, high off of the mere fact that youâve gotten your way. You hear him let out a defeated sigh from beside you, his knee hitting yours as he settles into your comforter nevertheless.
âSharp as hell, arenât you. I shouldâve known DiCaprio would show up in my sight sooner or later.â
âŚ
Summer tastes like melted sugar crystals in cherry garcia â or rather, summer tastes like Mark Leeâs Strawberry-Rouge Extravaganza, the latest, state-of-the-art item on his Record Shop menu. When you ask why the random French is thrown in there, he defends himself adamantly, claiming that his three years of secondary French language classes have practically made him a local.
âItâs like a metaphor for saying, âI love you,ââ Mark claims with sass, even though you donât make the connection (âThatâs not what a metaphor isâŚ?â you mumble quizzically under your breath). He ignores the weird look you throw at him and goes back to his mixing on the counter of the cashier station. âAnd it feels like a warm hug, because what better to express that than sparkly, drunk goodness.â
âWow,â Chaewon deadpans, not even looking up from her nails that sheâs painting right next to him. The mix of nail polish and liquor makes you scrunch your nose as you organize the main display, a rotating shelf that headlines Blondie. âYou should be a poet. You have such a way with words.â
âI donât need your negativity in my life, girly.â You almost choke on air when you hear a sharp snap of Chaeâs gum in retaliation, her icy glare making Mark wilt under her gaze.Â
Their intense, non-verbal argument is saved by the dinging of a customer opening the door to the shop. You whip around to greet them only for your words to die right in your throat. Two silhouettes step in, their tall stature and familiar features blocking the sun from shining through the entranceway.
ââŚJaehyun, Jungwoo! How are you guys?â Mark offers when he sees you fall silent.
The two greet happily right back, sliding past you to pat him on the back and exchange handshakes. Jaehyun lingers by your side for a little, holding his fist out for you to tap like you did just the other day in your room.
âWe knew weâd find you guys in here,â Jungwoo laments, looking around the shelves before his eyes land on Markâs⌠setup. You have to admit, this one looks a bit more pleasant than his past drink recipes, and you can tell that Jungwoo agrees wholeheartedly. His hand lingers on a bottle of sparkling vanilla wine as Mark slices red fruit ardently with a plastic, cafeteria knife. A paper cup holds the rest of his special ingredients: rock candy on wooden sticks, shattered candy hearts, and star-shaped ice cubes. Youâd be lying if you didnât admit that it looked delicious, like something you would order at a beach-side bar.Â
Jungwoo seems to find the situation amusing, a trio of barely-adults passing slow, withering days in their own little makeshift paradise. Leaning against the countertop like heâs on the cover of Parisian Vogue, he nicks his baseball cap up a bit higher to look into the three of yoursâ eyes better.
âJohnnyâs throwing a party.â
Thatâs all anyone needs to say before Chaewonâs attention is snagged, her eyes gaining an undeniable gleam.
âWeâre going,â she speaks for everyone in the room, especially looking you square in the eyes as if saying, youâre not escaping this time, young lady.
âMhm,â Jaehyun confirms, a hand rubbing at his pulse as he swings an arm over Jungwooâs shoulders. âA fancy mixer, kinda, the day after tomorrow. Weâll have all the booze, so the only thing you need to bring is yourself.â
âAnd,â the latter chimes in, âitâs at Johnnyâs countryside estate, so yâall can do whatever illegal shit you kids get yourself into without worrying about anything.â
Chaewon lets out a small scoff at his words, mumbling a âwe still do here it anywayâ under her breath and throwing a knowing look at the alcohol in front of Mark thatâs very blatantly in every passerbyâs sight.
As Jungwoo relays more information about the plans to them at the front of the shop, Jaehyun turns to follow your path as you diligently place records back in their places in the depths of the store.Â
âDo you wear silver or gold?âÂ
You jump at his appearance out of nowhere, glancing at him with a certain hesitation at his question. Your confusion as to how this topic appeared so suddenly is painted blatantly across your face as you close the last turntable with a click.Â
âWhy?â You pause. âBut both. Depends on my mood.â
âBecause this is yours now.â
He reaches into his jeansâ front pocket, pulling out something in his fist before reaching for your hand and dropping a small, plastic ring in the middle of it.Â
Itâs neon orange and ugly as hell, like something you would find stuck to gum on the underbelly of a school desk. But hey, who are you to complain when Jaehyun looks so pleased at himself as he looks between your face and the ring, trying to gauge your reaction to his surprise gift. And, youâre definitely not complaining when itâs a gift from Jaehyun himself.
âThank youâŚ? Also,â you squint, picking up the ring to slide onto your pointer finger, âthis isnât silver or gold.â He shrugs half heartedly.
âSucks to suck.â
You kick the tip of his Converse as he laughs with his whole body, the boyâs deep voice filling the small space.Â
âItâs from the coin toy machine outside,â he explains. With a broad grin, he pulls his other hand from out of his pocket and waves it in your face. The whole rainbow has found its home on his fingers, all silly swirls and squiggles of nylon with glued on googly-eyes half falling off.
Itâs the pure childish elation you share which makes you unknowingly sink deeper and deeper into the ocean that is Jeong Jaehyun, and you would have felt the metaphorical gasps of air your lungs so desperately need if not for the momentary distractions he provides.Â
You suppose all of this is your own doing anyway.Â
âŚ
It feels as though Autumn has made a reverse pit-stop in the middle of summer.Â
If not obvious by the way the seasonal trees are drooping with a sudden dewy chill, itâs the sudden absence of people in general that serves as a telltale sign. Thereâs almost no cars on the road, fewer students out and about, and less frequent public transportation.Â
The last one in particular really speaks to Jaehyun.
Scrunching his nose at the crisp air, he exits the hole-in-the-wall cafĂŠ he usually frequents when heâs bored, the biting coldness of a mid-August day unfamiliar to him. The boy spent almost the entire day inside; switching between staring at the weather app on his computer and deleting emails from his overflowing inbox for two hours wasnât the way he thought heâd spend the afternoon, but alas, waiting that long at the crumbling bus stop wasnât ideal either. He much prefers being warm, caffeinated, and pretending to read a scientific journal than freezing his ass off on a metal bench.Â
Anyone would think the same, Jaehyun shrugs to himself⌠at least until he starts nearing said bench.
Jaehyun stops mid-step when he spots something strange, side-eyeing the undeniably familiar blob crouching at the bus stop approaching on the right.
Why? Well, it's swathed in an oversized hoodie, has a keychain-ful backpack hanging low on its shoulders, and is suspiciously Y/N-shaped.
And if that doesnât tell him anything, well, the way your eyes go comically wide when you turn to the right and coincidentally meet gazes with Jeong Jaehyun of all people definitely does. Itâs the way heâs standing there like a runway model with his hood over his head, dimples on full show as he raises his eyebrows at you and his expensive-looking leather bag hanging off of one shoulder that almost causes you to fall over. Luckily, you pull yourself together before something embarrassing happens, like losing your balance and crashing into the road (not that itâs happened before, of courseâŚ). Youâre well aware that you tend to get distracted easily, and youâre definitely in trouble because that man is one hell of a distraction.
Getting up quickly and dusting the invisible dust off your legs, you offer him an embarrassed wave as he approaches you.
âHow long have you been sitting there? Itâs fucking cold outside,â Jaehyun calls out, concerned, glancing down at your skirt and the way you hide your hands in your hoodie sleeves. Sidling up next to you, he bounces on the balls of his feet a little before stuffing his own hands in his pockets.
âItâs okay,â you smile down at the way your shoes match next to his on the sidewalk, âIâm used to the bipolar weather. Plus, itâs not that cold when youâve got these!â Tucking your lip between your teeth, you rustle around in your sweater-paws before popping out your hands proudly in front of you. Nestled in your palms are old hand warmers, their heat fading but worth their purpose nonetheless.
âOnly you would have hand warmers in stock during the middle of summer, Y/N,â he shakes his head in disbelief, but the smile threatening to take over his face makes his eyes crinkle up in amusement.
âMhm,â you say, distracted as you see the bus pull up to the sidewalk from down the road, âIâve got a whole box in my backpack. Who knows, maybe an ice storm will hit one day and Iâll be the only one with hands while everyone elseâs freeze off.âÂ
He pauses in place, speechless at your comment. You simply shrug at him, as if saying thatâs the way life goes, before nodding to the bus driver and climbing up the vehicleâs steps. âDonât worry, Iâd share mine with you.â
Jaehyun lets out a breath in disbelief.Â
Your attitude is truly refreshing, and he canât even begin to describe what a breath of clean air it is to talk to you everyday; heâs used to girls coming up to him with hidden intent, their eyes tinged with lust as they disguise their interest with false pretenses and flowery words. Flattery is what it began with, but after years of receiving nothing from their end while he found himself aimlessly hoping for someone genuine and it was disappointing that he couldnât find even one. Heâd wish they would just treat him normally and act like themselves, a person not afraid to be genuine with him and let their inner child show.Â
Itâs as he observes the way you hum as you climb up and give a playful salute to the driver that he realizes youâre the perfect balance of both, the maturity in you shining admirably at the times when it is needed while never acting like something youâre not.
Jaehyun blinks at your figure before tugging on your arm to move around you, swiping his bus pass twice before you can even register whatâs happened. He lets a smug grin take over his face before pulling you to the back of the bus and plopping down beside you.
âThank you for paying for me,â you tilt your head at him, tucking your card back into your pocket. âYou didnât have to do that.â
âI wanted to, though.â
You give him a grateful smile before remembering something that you had meant to show him, pulling out the walkman you found in your grandmotherâs cellar yesterday from your backpack, a dusty old thing that still works perfectly fine. Looping its built-in headphones around your neck, you tilt the player towards him before offering him the small device. Turning it around in his hands, he gapes in undeniable awe as he taps the plastic cover with intrigue.Â
You knew heâd like it.
âI havenât seen one of these in so long. Whose grave did you raid to get this, the hell?â
âFound it yesterday in my grandparent's cellar, and before Taeyong got his hands on it. I thought that youâd find it interesting so I was planning on showing you later this week, but hey, look who I happened to run into today.â
He simply shakes his head before bringing the machine up to his eyes and popping open its cover, a finger coming up to trace the dust out of the inside of it.
âDo you have a cassette to put in it orâŚ?â he begins, looking up at you. You shake your head. âWe can go to the vintage shop downtown later to get you some, if you want.â
âReally? Youâll go with me?â
âYeah, Y/N. Youâve always got the coolest things to play around with, and we can go shove this in Yongâs face too. Heâs gonna be so jealous.â
âYou just wanna annoy my brother,â you snort, nudging his arm.
âYouâve got me there.â He holds up his hands in mock surrender before poking his tongue inside his cheek, eyebrows furrowing in thought. âOr⌠I could make you a personalized mixtape?â Your jaw drops comically, no words coming out of your mouth as you just stare at him.
âAre you being serious right now?â
âSo, so serious.â
âIf you did, I would actually lose my mind,â you finally close your mouth in amazement. âYouâd probably be my favorite person ever.â
âWell, then that would be well worth it. Iâll work on it when Iâm back in the studio at uni,â Jaehyun smiles genuinely, handing you your walkman back before swinging his leather bag back onto his shoulder as the bus pulls to a halt. With a parting pat on your shoulder, he mouths a goodbye before descending the aisle.
âThis is my stop. See you at the party, Y/N.â
âŚÂ
When you had received the call on a quiet Saturday afternoon from Mark that he and Chaewon would be leaving earlier to help set up for Johnnyâs weekend party â the one that Jungwoo and Jaehyun had only told you about just a few days prior â the possibility of not having a ride to bring you hadnât even struck yet. You were too busy thanking your friends that they had granted you two more hours for an afternoon nap, and an extra 60 minutes to get ready; a truly ideal day in your opinion.Â
Itâs only when youâve given yourself a final look in the mirror, admiring the new dress that youâve donned at the last minute, do you hear the undeniable honk of a car outside. Brushing aside the curtains and trying to get your eyes to focus in the dark, you make a noise of panic when you spy Jaehyunâs car outside your house.Â
Whatâs he doing here?
You'd spent far more time with Jaehyun in the past few days than you have in your entire lifetime, running small errands with him when Taeyong's not there and browsing through retro stores in nearby towns for old cassettes. With every hour more spent together, it felt like you were getting closer to knowing his feelings, and that in itself excited you to no end. He'd end every drive together with a knowing look and some sort of physical touch, and each goodbye left you in anticipation for the next time you'd see him.
Sprinting down the stairs and grabbing your shoes as fast as you can, you rush out into the street where the Mustangâs tinted windows prevent any passerby from making out any faces from the outside.Â
As you approach the driverâs side, the window rolls down to reveal the owner of the car.Â
âHey,â Jaehyun grins at you, his pupils dilated and the faint smell of smoke lingering on his breath.Â
It feels like forever since youâve seen him, even if itâs only been a few hours since you last saw each other. You can feel your head fog up when you fully take in his appearance; with his hair slicked back and his button-up undone to reveal sharp collarbones and a dangling, silver cross, he looks godly as the moonlight basks him in a paper-white glow.Â
âChaewon and Mark had to stay later to help set up more and Taeyongâs been pregaming since six, so he sent me to pick you up. You can get in the back.â
You hum in understanding before climbing into the backseat, tucking your hands under your thighs before looking up at the front of the car.Â
Your heart drops.Â
âHi,â the girl in the shotgun seat lilts, her bleached hair falling into wavy ringlets against Jaehyunâs leather seats. âY/N, right? I remember you! Youâre Yongieâs baby sis.â
You itch to fill the silence that follows, even though you assume she would have no trouble clearing it with her well-known, extroverted dynamic. Thereâs an unnamed tension in the car between the two people in the front seat, and itâs so intense that you could cut it with a knife.
You take shallow breaths, not sure what to make of your position. Iâm sitting in a car with my crush and his former situationshipâ holy. How did we get to this point? Sheâs literallyâ
ââLim Sae-mi,â you attempt to give her a genuine smile, flashing your teeth in what you pray isnât an awkward expression.Â
Saemi simply twinkles in the rear view mirror, her delicately painted lips stretching up before she twists around to observe you.Â
âYou do remember me! Look at how pretty you are too,â she exclaims, reaching back to pat down a strand of your hair, her voice laced with sticky sweetness. âYou could be a model, just like Yongie. And your hair is so healthy, Iâm jealous. Isnât her hair so so nice, Jae?â
Jaehyun snaps to attention at the mention of his name, seeming to be in some sort of haze with the way he looks like heâs holding his breath for as long as humanly possible.Â
âYeah.â You find yourself wilting in the slightest at his monotone voice. Looking out the window as he starts driving towards the outskirts of town, you try not to let yourself be too disappointed at the way he loses such distinctive qualities when around the girl sitting next to him.Â
Jaehyun freezes up when Saemi turns to him all doe-eyed, flashbacks flitting through his mind of the days when heâd anticipate the moments heâd see her again when they were younger. Strangely enough, the effect that she used to have on him â palpitating heart, nervous ticks, rosy cheeks, uncanny attraction â seems to have dissipated. Now, highschool-Jaehyun seems so far away, and their memories even further.
Whatâs changed?
âUm,â you start as you watch suburban lights zoom by less and less frequently, your brain working just as fast to eliminate some of the weird, awkward tension happening in the car. You donât really know enough to make conclusions, but something must have happened in the past for them to react to each other like this. âHowâs SNU? Do you guys run into each other often on campus?â
Jaehyun chuckles lowly, a tinge of uncertainty lining his tone as he waits for Saemi to answer your question.Â
âRight, youâre going to uni next year right? Hmm⌠we donât really see each other on campus at all, now that I think about it,â she simpers, frowning at the road in front of her before brightening up in less than a second. âBut that's because Jaeâs so busy, preparing to be a future doctor and all. He was always the smartest one out of all of us.â
You watch as he falls silent, knuckles tightening on the steering wheel as his jaw clenches ever so slightly.
âHey, we should catch up sometime Jae,â she adds on with a tone like she doesnât really mean it before turning her gaze to him, tacking on a noise of agreement with herself as if she's already decided that they will.Â
She knows they wonât.
You watch their eyes meet briefly before Jaehyun breaks it to turn the steering wheel left onto a never-ending stretch of a lone, empty road.
Saemiâs a hard person to figure out. You know that sheâs charming when she wants to be and firm when she needs to be, but you also know from Taeyong that she has a personality she can flip on and off like a switch; itâs almost as if mind games with the people around her are amusing, and itâs up to the other person to figure out what her true intentions are. Itâs understandable why so many people find her alluring.Â
Glancing up at the back of her head once more, you observe as she leans back with a faint frown before swallowing something in her hand that looks like a bottled shot. She looks uncomfortable as she shifts in her seat every few minutes, and youâre not sure if sheâs more put off by the alcohol or by Jaehyun. Your guess would be the latter, even if her voice makes it seem like sheâs the most confident person in the world.
You donât even attempt to start another conversation, instead opting to roll down the window so that you can watch empty land flash by, an occasional plant breaking the smooth ground. The car picks up speed on its own with no other vehicle in sight, the only light coming from the rising crescent moon and a solo gas station situated further down the road.
The three of you perk up as you approach the oil refill and the only other car at the station, a big pick-up with dressed-up figures leaning out of its windows and sitting around the back cargo bed. You assume theyâre heading to the same place you are with the way they all shout at each other as they pass a dark bottle back and forth. A boy gets out of the driverâs seat to walk over to Jaehyunâs car and lean through Saemiâs side of the window, shades pushed up into his hair and beads and cuban links dangling out of his shirt. You donât recognize him, but youâre not surprised when Johnny knows just about every young person in the world.
âJaehyun, man! And Saemi, damn, I havenât seen you guys in a while. Headed to Johnnyâs?â he exclaims with a loud voice and wide smile, reaching in to pat a long-lost friend on the shoulder. Just like that, the extroverted Jaehyun and Saemi are back, conversing with him as if their awkward energy and off demeanors didnât just dictate the ride over.Â
The guy notices you in the back when your eyes meet accidentally, both of you taken aback.
âAnd who might this be?â He smirks at you, gaze never leaving yours as he directs the question to the other two in the car. You smile back just to be friendly, but with the way heâs staring at you, youâre not sure if thatâs the right way to go about things.
âLee Taeyongâs sister,â Jaehyun speaks up, glimpsing back at you with an unreadable look. A look of recognition flashes over the strangerâs face as his mouth opens in surprise.
âSo this is the sister. Shit, is that why Iâve never seen her around?â
âYeah.â Thereâs a bitter undertone to his voice, expression faltering before he raises his eyebrows with a smile. âAnd thatâs why sheâs off limits, man. I know that look all too well.â
You look at your brotherâs friend in question, leaning forward, but Jaehyun doesnât even glance at you. Both of you know that Taeyong isnât really the overly protective type, so why would he say that? Maybe he knows that this guy is bad news, so heâs warning me. You nod to yourself, satisfied with your quick thinking. That sounds about right.
Youâre about to offer a comment yourself, but youâre stopped by aâ
âLim Saemi! No fucking way, is that really you?â another shrill voice calls from across the expanse of the gas station, a former classmate stalking across the black cement in teetering heels as she waves dramatically at the girl in front of you. âIt is you! I canât believe we ran into you like this, you gotta join the party truck now!â
Saemi seems to recognize her, waving dramatically out the window to her friend. In a matter of seconds, the girl has pulled her out of Jaehyunâs car as she laughs at her friendâs antics of tugging on her wrist to string her along, drunk. Saemi throws you and Jaehyun a look that seems to say everything and nothing at the same time; if you were to interpret it in your own language, it would spell out: So sorry Iâm ditching you guys! I love both of you to pieces but Iâd honestly rather drink bleach than get back in that car. Hope you understand. Muah.
And with that, you watch Saemi switch cars in a matter of moments. The boy follows them back to their chaotic ride to Johnnyâs after waving goodbye at Jaehyun, whoâs watching them without any emotion bleeding through his stoic face. You canât even begin to guess what's going through his mind as his eyes flick back to his dashboard, spaced out.
You pause.
â...and then there were two.â
Biting your bottom lip when you realize you mumbled that out loud, and youâve genuinely never wanted to be six feet under more because the man hasnât even said a word since she left you two.
Jaehyun freezes at your voice, almost as if he forgot you were in the car. Letting out an airy laugh after a moment, your shoulders relax when you sense that his weird, Saemi-caused demeanor has faded with her sudden absence.
âWanna move to the front? Itâs lonely up here.â You perk up at his belated response, excitedly getting out of the back to slide into the shotgun seat at his invitation. The man next to you seems to visibly relax, stomach releasing and shoulders drooping with less tension as he starts the car and turns back onto the stretch of empty road.Â
The silence doesnât bother you this time when Saemiâs absent; itâs pleasant and full, as if both of you needed this momentary break from nonstop life to collect yourself. Staring at the dust picking up along the wheels while the needle on the speedometer rises up and up, you find the scene before you therapeutic in unexplainable ways.
Jaehyun feels the same, his eyes spacey as one hand rests languidly on the steering wheel with ingrained muscle memory. The vehicle coasts past blank acres and rolling hills, the burning moon engaging in hide-and-seek as it appears and disappears behind their peaks. He doesnât even feel the need to turn up the stereo as he usually does when your audible, light breaths are sufficient enough. Itâs comforting in ways he didnât know he needed.
You recognize how close you are to Johnnyâs estate when you see the road before you thin into dirt and pebbles, a grandiose silver gate barely visible in the far distance. Behind the gate is the unmistakable gleam of polished stone, no doubt the road that leads up to the party and an onslaught of cars. If you concentrate hard enough, your mind can even conjure up the deep bass of the music that the host prefers at his mixers, their heavy resonance flowing through the thick soil to the bottom of Jaehyunâs car and all the way up to the soles of your feet.
Youâre just about to point your strange observance out when Jaehyun makes a sudden swerve, pulling off to an edge of mangled weeds and tree roots, the car rolling to a shuttering stop just before a barren field of dead plants. Your body lurches forward a bit with the movement, the boy apologizing profusely when he sees you adjust your seatbelt with confusion written all over your expression.
âFuck, sorry sorry sorry,â he mumbles, moving his hand in front of you as if you could fall out of your seat at any minute. âI just⌠the stars are stunning right now, we gotta stop for a sec. You donât mind if weâŚâ
He trails off, distracted, as he pulls the car door open hastily, rushing out to take in the night sky in its full glory. Itâs as if he doesnât move fast enough, the stars will pull a disappearing stunt on him.
Itâs endearing to see Jaehyun like this, a smile subconsciously finding its way onto your face when you spot him bouncing on the balls of his feet lightly. His eyes are completely enamored with the sight above him, neck craned up at an odd angle to see everything; from the way his fingers dig into his palms in excitement to the cold flush on his cheeks from the biting evening chill, itâs like he doesnât know what to do with himself when encountering such a beautiful product of mother nature.Â
The thought of Johnnyâs party evaporates from both of your minds as you find yourself mirroring Jaehyunâs position.Â
After a few minutes of stillness, he looks at you with the very stars from the sky in his eyes.
âCan we stay here for a bit?â
He beams at your âof courseâ before hoisting himself onto the cool hood of his Mustang and offering a hand out for you to grab. Pulling you up onto the spot beside him with a huff, he pulls your wrist to shift your body closer to his before smiling contently to himself.Â
You try not to let your mind spiral at his warm touch, instead focusing your attention on the blanket of constellations that greet you from the inky stretch of night sky. The cold metal of the hood cools your burning skin as your legs stretch out in front of you, skin ghastly as your arms support your weight from behind you.
When he hears your faint intake of breath, Jaehyun allows his eyes to leave the pretty view above him to the pretty view beside him for a few seconds, letting them linger on your side profile as you stare up in awe. They fall from the slope of your nose to the open curve of your lips, circling around your neck and raking over the ornate gems decorating your skin. Youâre breathtaking in 1001 ways, and itâs such a pressing realization that he blinks away in shock when your gaze suddenly meets his.Â
âDo you do this often?â
âWhen I need to get away for a bit. All of my best ideas come to me at night, I think. Thereâs just something about darkness and non-artificial light which is curiously inspiring.â
You nod, leaning back on the windshield and resting your head against its glass. Nighttime lets you think in the abstract, where the shadows donât take shape and remind you to think in a direct and methodical way.Â
âI get that,â you empathize. âAfter Taeyong left, I used to climb onto my roof after dark and just sit there alone for hours. I wouldnât know how much time had passed until I got back into my room, and to be honest, that was my favorite time of the day. It took my mind off things, even if it was only for a few hours.â
âYou know, Yong and I used to do that when we were younger. You were too little to remember I think, but weâd go up after your parents fell asleep and throw basketballs down the side of your house to see how far they would bounce up⌠we probably hit your window too a few times. Only a few.â
âThat was you?â you jut, incredulous.
âOh, so she does remember,â Jaehyun laughs under his breath, playfully avoiding eye contact when you scoff at your brother and his' antics. âAnyway, I wanna go up there again someday.â
âOur roof? Iâll bring you.â
Jaehyun turns to face you.
âPromise? Iâm counting on it, Lee.â
You donât hide your bashful smile this time, looking away when the boy flashes his dimples at you. Your insides flood with warmth as you secretly bring the back of your hand up to feel your cheek, scared of its betrayal of your feelings.Â
Jaehyun sighs, content, after a few moments, his neck lolling at the joint to stargaze once again. He feels entirely relaxed at this moment; thereâs nothing that Mother Nature canât fix.Â
âHistory revolved around looking at the stars and just talking, you know? I wish I could stay here forever and never grow up.âÂ
You tilt your head curiously.
âWhy, you donât like being an adult?â
âNot that,â he shakes his head. âItâs more of, I pretend to be collected and mature and all-knowing, but the feeling of having no control over life magnifies as I get older. My head and heart havenât grown up fast enough to catch up.â
âJaehyun.â
âHm?â
âYou donât ever have to pretend. Itâs⌠itâs okay to not know what youâre doing or what the future looks like, and itâs okay to let yourself go at times too. Being an adult doesnât mean always knowing the right things to do or figuring out every little detail right now,â your words stumble a bit as they spill out, but he seems to catch onto every word perfectly. âIâm scared too, so itâs kinda ironic that Iâm giving you this advice when I canât follow it myself.â
âWe can trade words of wisdom,â Jaehyun offers more lightheartedly. âItâs so much easier to give advice to other people than to yourself.â You canât think of a better way to phrase it than that.Â
âAnd I think simply moving forward with what you can muster is the best we can do,â you add on. Jaehyun just stares at you as you talk, chin in his palm as he takes in your advice with sincerity. âThings will just come and go naturally as we go on.â
âYouâre right. Time tells, Y/N. And frankly, youâre so much more mature than me.â
âMe?â You frown, surprised at the fact that he thinks you are. âThatâs so strange to hear, because I feel like Iâll never be independent in the way that you and Tae are. Even though weâre not that far apart in age, Iâve always thought you guys were from a different galaxy, like fear wasnât a word in your dictionary and maturity has always just come naturally.â
âItâs all in the way we carry ourselves, but maturity itself doesnât come from this,â Jaehyun waves his hand around to outline your body in an imaginary circle, âbut from this.â You watch as he taps a purposeful finger against your temple. âAnd you have more of it than anyone my age. You have a mind that people would die for, and I think thatâs something to be very proud of.â
The wind whistles soundly as the two of you take in the world with new perspectives, sitting up a little straighter and legs just barely touching as he moves closer without even noticing. You donât say anything for a while, and you donât need to. He recognizes how you need a few minutes to let his words soak in, and thatâs what makes you so you. Jaehyun knows you wonât just take his words on a whim and forget them ten minutes later; youâre the kind of person that internalizes everything he says with genuine feeling and gratefulness, and that quality is what makes you, in his opinion, celestial.Â
âYou always know just what to say,â you finally whisper, and he almost doesnât catch it.
You receive no reply except for the most adoring look in his eyes as he smiles fondly at you. The breeze blows wisps of your hair around your face, and Jaehyun canât help it when he reaches out to tuck a stray strand behind your ear. His fingers linger â longingly, if you dare say â before he makes himself pull away.
Youâre scared to let yourself believe that you might have a chance this time; everything floods back and hits your heart at full power, and you think that your newfound connection youâve found with the boy over this summer has trumped all of your past memories. Your feelings are fragile, and the way he looks at you is terrifying. He makes your heart race violently; your feelings from when you were fifteen donât even compare.
âItâs too chilly for a summer month,â he speaks up suddenly, rubbing his arms and trying to lighten the mood. You shake your mind out of its storm of complicated emotions before offering a small smile back.
âAlways speaking the truth, arenât you?â You tease, playing with the hem of your short dress. Jaehyun makes a noise of agreement before a boyish grin stretches across his face.Â
âYeah, which is why Leonardo DiCaprio is notââ
ââUH,â You stop him mid sentence, shushing him. âLetâs not finish that sentence.â
ââpeak acting which is whyââ
âLa la la lala,â you sing, covering your ears with your hands childishly and squinting so that you donât have to see Jaehyun raising an eyebrow at you, amused. âI canât hear youu.â
âI take back the part about you being more mature than me.â Only one boy is capable of making your moods flip like this, and heâs sitting right next to you as your laughs ring out in tandem through the night.Â
Eventually, after a few more back-and-forths under the dark sky, Jaehyun takes it upon himself to teach you some astronomical terms. You doubt youâll remember them, but he promises heâll make it easy for you to hold in your mental library.
âYou need to be prepared,â he stresses, âif youâre gonna come with me next time.â
âNext time⌠stargazing?â
âYup,â he answers matter-of-factly. âLetâs see⌠thereâs a triangle of importance in my opinion. The true triune, holy grail of astronomy.â
You watch him sink into his element, musing upon the milky way above.
âStars,â he air-traces the Orion constellation slowly. âMoons,â he continues, moving his arm in front of you to point at the claw of the silver crescent moon. Jaehyun lets his hand fall, the tip of his finger grazing your skin in the slightest as it hovers in front of your heart. âAnd celestial bodies.âÂ
âŚ
You mentally prepare yourself to get an earful from Chaewon as the drive up to Johnnyâs resumesâŚ
âŚtwo hours late.
In your defense, it wasnât completely your fault. Jaehyun says you can blame it on him when she throws her fit at you being late â and boy, do you know she will â but you also know that when you recount what happened to cause your tardiness, sheâll excuse it. Partially. Maybe even throw in a sushi dinner and smoke sesh, then all of your sins would be forgiven in her book.
You try to distract yourself from Jaehyunâs sweet actions just a few minutes earlier by thinking about where you might find Chaewon and Mark when you get there; maybe the drink-stocked kitchen, where Mark will surely be⌠or outside, where people like Chaewon usually go with their ziploc bags and scratched-up lighters.
Where would Jaehyun go?
You groan inwardly when you catch your brain drifting to the idea of the man next to you once again, said man driving with a dopey expression on his face as Johnnyâs estate comes into full view. You canât tell if itâs because of a well-needed down-time with the stars (and time with you, if you dare to think optimistically) or because it looks like thereâs strobe lights flashing out of every window of the ground floorâ
ââholy shit, they really went all out,â Jaehyun gapes, hands slacking on the steering wheel as you both take in the scene before you. âJohnnyâs fucking insane. Maybe even like, should-be-checked-into-a-facility insane.â
Your eyes widen as the building unfurls itself before you, a mansion so grand that itâs comparable to Gatsbyâs in every way. Itâs got a certain vintage charm to it, something you assume Johnnyâs parents built in homage to their roots with veiny, marbled stairs and towering Roman columns. The chaos thatâs happening in and around the home itself, however, is a different story. You can see the drunk bodies already as they move around to invisible music, and waves of people climb spiral staircases up to the upper levels as they fumble drinks around. Silhouettes of the party-goers are littered across the vast, arched windows, stone trims decorating their sills with impeccable detail; the estate is truly a needle that shines brilliantly in a haystack of country homes, the nearest house being a whole 20 minute drive away. Youâd been to his countryside home only once with Taeyong when you were younger, but seeing it in all its glory during the nighttime is a whole different experience.
âNah,â you grin when he puts the car into park behind a train of assorted automobiles that cover the driveway. âHe's that special kind of chaebol-insane. I propose not eating the rich, because what would the world be without Johnny Suh.â
Jaehyun simply chuckles lightly before getting out of the car and walking around to your side, opening the door before helping you out. Youâd be lying if you said that the butterflies in your stomach didnât just seize at his actions.
But nothing good lasts forever.
Just as soon as the butterflies come, they die off when you notice the immediate, uncanny switch in Jaehyunâs disposition.
Youâre not sure if itâs the deafening bass-boosted music flooding into the air or the multitude of bodies in front of the house alone as the two of you approach the open door, but he seems to be pushed into a different element the closer you get. You recognize it as the one that youâd only heard of in high school, the one who frequented house parties on school nights with your brother, the one who shone in a room full of people, the infamous heartbreaker Jaehyun.
You can see the shift in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate slowly as they gain that undeniable gleam. You can feel his muscles lose a tension you didnât even know was there, especially when he swings his arm around your shoulders casually, letting his hand rest against your collarbone. You can hear the calls of his wicked name already from both females and males alike, their shouts pulling him away from you as multiple people are drawn to him right away.
You recognize a few of them, hometown names that make their presence known as they clap Jaehyun on the back and reach out for intoxicated hugs. Itâs also now that you realize the sheer amount that the boy you practically grew up with â the very one who spent his school day afternoons playing in your living room â changes when with other people. His popularity was never a mystery to you, but seeing it in person like this⌠he acts like heâs finally at home. A true socialite who flourishes when surrounded by people.
And you would never hold that against anyone, except untilâ
âHey, Y/N, Iâll catch up with you later, okay? Promise.â
Ah.
His voice rings out flippant and unfamiliar, arm slipping from your shoulders like deadweight, and his fingers donât linger on your skin longingly this time. Without looking back, heâs swept away by a myriad of high school friends as they drag him off to only God knows where. They hand him drinks and jostle around with each other between heated bodies, his silver rings glinting under the lights as he throws his head back for a bitter shot.
You watch as their forms retreat into the depths of the party until the shadows swallow him up and your eyes canât follow him anymore.Â
Left to hover awkwardly by yourself at the door of Johnnyâs house with no drink in hand and a bewildered twist in your expression, suddenly, all the moments that have led up to now feel like a fever dream. Everything just happened so fast. One minute heâs next to you, and youâre sure youâve fallen again. Hard. And the next moment heâs gone with the wind, like a figment of a dream flickering in and out of consciousness. Sure, you hadnât expected to spend the whole night with him, but you thought that after your many little talks he would want to stay with you a little longer than three seconds.
At least he promised to find you later, but youâre still left feeling unsure about where you stand with him in contrast to the bubbling feeling of affection you had felt earlier in the night. The way he acts is giving you emotional whiplash.
I have to find Chaewon and Mark, you think to yourself suddenly, trying to shake your head of Jaehyun-related thoughts. The way heâs plagued your thoughts far too many times these past few months terrifies you, and it feels like youâve lost your mind for real this time. Youâre charged with a new determination to not think about the boy until he comes back to you himself. Itâs not worth ruining your night over maybeâs.
Weaving through sweaty figures and waving instinctually at the people who happen to recognize you, you find yourself in a sort of trance as you strain to catch a glimpse of one of your friends. The bass-boosted music fills your ears with a heavy buzz as you make your way through what feels like hundreds of people.
A cold hand abruptly reaches out to grasp your wrist when you approach the closed off kitchen, causing you to cautiously glance back at its owner with your other arm ready to push them off.
âBabe, what are you doing here all alone?â
You jump slightly before giving him a childish slap on his arm as a grinning Mark reaches out to embrace you, and the strong smell of twisted tea pungent on his breath. His hand comes up to tuck your head into his neck familiarly, an old habit from when you were young that tends to come out in his drunk endeavors.
âYou scared me,â you mumble into his shirt, voice muffled by the fabric. âI was trying to find you, but thereâs literally thirty million people in this damn house.â
Feigning hurt, Mark pulls away to put a hand to his heart. âYou canât recognize me from a house away?â His sarcasm makes you squint at him, your hand reaching out to tug him along with you.
âNo, Mark. I actually canât recognize you from a house away,â you bite back, mumbling an extra, âsurprisingly too, because I could probably hear your loud-ass laugh from another country if I really wanted to.â
âLiterally shut up.â
âNever. Come find Chaewon with me?â
âI-â Mark sighs, giving in to your pleading eyes. What can he say, he has a self-destructive soft spot for his best friend. âFine. But only if you get her to play one of the drinking games with me, âcause you never want to,â he tsks. You offer him an innocent smile before turning towards the back balcony. Gripping Markâs arm tightly as the two of you make your way through clusters of people, you glance back every so often to make sure heâs still with you. You donât want to be left alone again.
Again. Like Jaehyun just did when he said he wanted to spend time with meâŚ
He seems to sense your uneasiness when you pause for a moment to look down, the fluorescent lights that lead to the back glass doors making your eyes sting as your fingers tighten their grip on his wrist.Â
âHey hey hey,â the boy pauses to move in front of you with worry creasing his brows. âYou good?â
You blink away from him, mumbling an unsure âyeah,â before clearing your throat. âYeah, Iâm okay. Just got dizzy for a sec.â
Mark puts his hands on your shoulders carefully, eyes scanning the way your face looks more apprehensive than usual and your head isnât held just as high as the Y/N he knows would. Heâs had almost his entire life to study your moods and the rises and falls of your expressions, and he knows that something heavy is bothering you to the point where youâre letting him see it bleed through your normal, carefree facade. Itâs something serious, and he also knows youâre not gonna tell him until youâre ready.
So for now, he simply smooths down any invisible tensions in your arms and straightens your posture for you like he would in your younger school days, gentle and nimble fingers adjusting the straps of your dress like a parent figure would.Â
âI like this number on you. You should wear it more often.âÂ
âThank you,â you smile gratefully at him, forcing your feet to move forward once again. It's not unusual for Mark to compliment you, but it feels particularly comforting tonight after so much of your confidence in yourself has been built up and torn down in a matter of hours.
You donât let your gaze take in anyone except a potential Chaewon as the two of you finally make it outside, scared of potentially seeing someone you donât want to see. Out of the corner of your eye, Mark gestures animatedly to the lit up garden, far fewer people mingling in its flowering, winding paths than inside.Â
âOh! Chaewonâs right there,â he pushes you lightly in her direction, a poised figure leaning, relaxed, on one of the ivy-slinked marble balconies. âIâm not gonna go far, but Iâll get some drinks from the kitchen for us and be right back, okay? I wonât leave you guys for long.â Youâre silent for a moment.
âIâm sorry.âÂ
âWhy are you sorry, Y/N? Youâve done nothing wrong, but whoever or whateverâs bothering you should feel ashamed for making you apologize for nothing,â he chastises immediately, indignant towards the fact he has an inkling of whoâs made you feel this way. It pains him to see his best friend hurt silently.
You nod before he gives you one last pat and nudges you in the direction of Chaewon. She turns on her heel just as Mark leaves, face lighting up when she spots your form heading in her direction.
âTook you long enough!â She calls out over with a hand reaching out for you, her other occupied by a flute of some mysterious fizzy liquid. âIâve been waiting so that we can try the colorful shots in Johnnyâs fridge together. I know you secretly like those.â
You snap yourself out of your thoughts before managing a grateful smile as she pulls you into a side hug. âSorry, the uh⌠drive took longer than anticipated,â you mumble, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.Â
âWhoâd you come with again? I feel so bad that we couldnât pick you up, but the setup literally took the living energy out of me.â
You bite your lip nervously, eyes flicking to the night sky in reassurance.
âI came withâ I came with Jaehyun,â you spit out quietly, already predicting her reaction in your head.Â
âDamn, for real? I told your brother to call one of your other friends, but this is so much better. Did you guys get time to talk or what?â Chaewon lifts her drink to her lips as she waits with wide eyes, anticipating an answer that you know you canât give her. If anyone has always rooted for the possibility of him liking you back, itâs her.Â
âI donât know,â you finally whisper, giving up as you tug your fingers through your hair. âItâs just⌠heâs a confusing person. Like yeah, we talked, but I canât figure him out at all. He goes back and forth from being the closest Iâve ever felt to a boy to an almost distant stranger in a matter of seconds.â
Your friendâs face falls at your words, clearly noting how much youâre beginning to get stressed out over him. It kills her to see anything but a smile on your face, and the fact that itâs because of someone who youâve pined over for so long is detrimental to watch.Â
âY/NâŚâÂ
âItâs fine. Iâm making a big deal out of nothing, probably.â Your voice cracks slightly in the middle of the sentence, but you mask it with a quiet laugh. âI donât think Iâve ever had a real chance with him to begin with, so try not to expect much.â Chaewonâs bitter smile reflects her inner confliction as she reaches out to take your hand in hers.
âStop, donât think like that,â she mutters.Â
âBut donât worry, thereâs still,â you whisper, putting your pointer finger and thumb up to approximate the size of the tiny moon in the sky above you, âa little hope. Thereâs always been.â
You nod to yourself, almost like a subtle reassurance. Youâve always had faith and confidence in your own feelings, and a little hope has never killed you. If anything, itâs brought you closer to Jaehyun than youâve ever been, and getting to know him in ways that you were never able to has been a silver lining in itself. Just maybe⌠deep down, not in the way you know you wish you had.
âI love how youâre always been so sure of what you want,â Chaewon confesses. Itâs both a blessing and a curse. âBut tonightâs about having fun, okay? No use wasting time on a boy that canât get his own shit straight.â
With a giggle, she pulls you towards the house once again. âI want to see you get wasted. His name is not allowed as far as Iâm concerned.â
âJaehyunâs nameâŚ?âÂ
âWho?â
You shake your head with a smile as she feigns confusion with an innocent expression. I donât deserve my friends, you think to yourself, heart warming at how much they try to make you feel better.
âCome on, Y/N. Look around at all the people,â she laughs out in the tone of a true socialite as she tugs you towards where most of the partygoers are congregated, littered across every corner with their short dresses and sweaty skin. Noticing that your mouth is still tinged with a hint of apprehensiveness, she stops in her tracks and turns to you. âYouâre telling me that youâre gonna let him do this to you? This night is for us, not waiting for a stupid boy thatâs had the chance of a decade to love on you, pretty girl.â
She fiddles with your dress and smoothing down its invisible wrinkles as you nod along with her, mind willing itself to focus on yourself and your friends instead ofâ
Right. He doesnât exist right now.
âAnd you look so good right now that anyone would be stupid not to feel lucky for having your attention,â she affirms, shiny hair tumbling under fluorescent lights as she beams at you. You canât help but wrap your arms around her, the comfort of her mere presence and consoling words making your heart burn.Â
âLove you, Chae. I think we should just date instead,â you mumble into her shoulder, her signature, bright laughter ringing out at your words.Â
Her eyes brighten even more when she spots Mark appearing back behind you with entire bottles of liquor in his hands.
âWhere the hell did you get those, my god,â she ooh and aahâs at him as your face lights up at the appearance of the boy.
âJohnnyâs hidden stash in one of the guest bedrooms. He thinks heâs slick,â he snorts, putting a finger up in a shushing motion when Chaewon gasps dramatically. When you giggle at your best friendâs antics, he turns to look at you with a hint of worry on his face.Â
You seem to have cheered up a bit since he left you to get drinks, but he also knows how good at hiding your true feelings you are. From poker faces to fake laughs, youâve got it all under your belt. He just wishes you would just let go sometimes, but itâs understandable when he thinks about you as a person. Itâs simply in your nature to be selfless, and ever since the two of you were young, youâve never been one to bother anyone with your own worries. No wonder heâs worried as you crinkle your eyes in elation at him, a complete 180 from five minutes ago.
Glancing at Chaewon, she nods at him discreetly, seemingly having a conversation with just their eyes. Youâre okay now.
Letting out a short breath of relief, Mark loops his arm with yours before pulling you into the lionâs den of a party haven.Â
âLetâs get fucked up, hmm?â
âŚ
You donât know how much time has passed as you trudge through the garden with your heels in one hand, Chaewonâs fingers laced with yours in the other.Â
Youâre sure itâs been at least three hours since you arrived. No, two. Maybe four?
To be honest, time isnât even a concept in your book as you swing your arm with your friendâs, a drunken-dopey smile on your face as you relish the feeling of the dirt and grass against your bare skin.Â
Maybe you wouldâve known when Mark had handed you the first shot, eyes flicking absentmindedly to the mounted clock in Johnnyâs spacious living room â but you hadnât cared enough then to figure out the numbers and read the time properly. In fact, you donât think you were even thinking about anything except getting a bit of alcohol in your system. Forgetting was the first thing on your mind.
And boy, did everything spiral from there.
You recall vague bits here and there, from getting too close with familiar faces to being handed funky glasses with sparkly liquids. It was all a blur of overdue laughter and shots after shots, and you have to admit, completely letting loose for the first time in a while felt numbing in the most beautiful way.
You remember Mark drunkenly laying his head down in your lap at one point, tapping the hard liquor in your solo cup and mumbling a happy, âwater fountain?â up at you. You werenât seeing double just yet, but you certainly werenât thinking straight enough either to comprehend his words fully. So, with absolutely no hesitation and a tipsy giggle, you poured the rest of the contents in your cup into his open mouth as carefully as you could (read: not careful at all). He had sat up with a cheeky smile, wiping the surprisingly dark, bloodred liquid from his bottom lip before it dribbled down and stained his skin.
Everything after that moment felt muggy, like a heavy blanket was wrapped around your head and knotted twice around your neck. You suppose that the alcohol added up at some point, pushing you past the point of clarity.
And suddenly now, youâre here. In the grass with Chaewon, doing only God knows what in a freezing night chill with your short dress and absence of a cozy summer jacket. You donât even know how you got outside in the first place.
The cold air is good for you, however, as you can feel the blurriness start to fade away bit by bit. Youâre not stumbling around as much anymore, but your grip on your friendâs hand is as tight as ever as you make your way through pretty flower bushes and onto a stone path.
âOh no, someone dropped their phone,â Chaewon laments with exaggerated sadness â no doubt the alcohol talking â before leaning down to pick up the shiny device. Dusting it off with her fingers, she traces a frowny face into its glass, causing it to suddenly turn on.
âJesus,â you squint into its blinding screen, mentally cursing the person who had the brightness turned all the way up and causing tiny white dots to appear in your vision. âWhat time is it?â
âYou have eyes, look yourself,â Chaewon turns her head towards you dramatically, words slightly slurred as she throws you an unimpressed look. âBut itâs 2:43 am. I canât believe weâre still conscious.â
You groan, rubbing lightly at your eye before sheâs talking again, swaying slightly as she speaks. Letting your gaze wander, you let yourself linger on the few people either passed out on messy lawn chairs or calling their friends for late night rides. Some are standing around like you and Chae, heads hanging down and clearly not in their best condition. Thereâs people with their arms thrown over the shoulders of their friends too, providing obvious support for their less coherent counterparts.
A couple half hidden behind the edge of the balcony catches your eye, your muggy mind inwardly gushing at how cute they are. You want a relationship like that. Their figures are hidden by the shadows of the house, but you can still see how the boy holds her forearm with care as he leans against the stones with her, head tilted impossibly close to the girlâs to display his full attention on whatever sheâs telling him through her hushed whispers.Â
ââitâs okay âcause weâre sleeping over at Johnnyâs tonight anyway. And, he has like a thousand guest bedrooms so we can choose any one of themââ
The couple lean into the wall more, the light repositioning as they shift their bodies closer, obviously very comfortable with each other. The girl moves further into the light, shiny hair catching onto the glow as she turns in place. He chases her movements, following her into the beam of the balcony lights as their faces are lit up under the sudden absence of shade.
You breathe out.
No way.
ââand Iâve always wanted to stay at Johnnyâs and experience that rich kid life, you know? I wonder what itâs like toââ
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
You think that your heartbeat physically stops as you take in the scene before you. Like a thin arrow slicing right through the flesh and tissue of your heart, and itâs violently humbling. Bruising, even.
Stop.
Thereâs Saemi. And thereâs Jeong Jaehyun too in all his glory, looking at her with the stars glittering in his eyes as she tilts her head up towards him.
Your mind goes blank.
âHey, Y/N, Iâll catch up with you later, okay? Promise.â
That was what, four hours ago?
Ha.
You sober up immediately, like your head has just just been ruthlessly plunged into a bucket of ice cold water. Like God himself is telling you to face the fucking music and come back down to reality. And if you concentrate hard enough, you can even hear your soul shattering, its pieces clattering down and settling at the bottom of your stomach because you actually feel like you might throw up.
I shouldâve known, is the phrase that repeats like a mantra in your head, manically getting louder and louder as you blink in pain. Your eyes refuse to leave them for some reason, watching the way his hand comes up to rest on the junction between her neck and shoulder with a delicate touch.
A bitter taste floods your mouth. You feel like youâre playing a one-sided game of push and pull, and itâs worn you out; itâs not disappointment, or even jealousy that fills your body, but fatigue. Itâs tiring to let yourself hope, and then get let down time after time and you feel stupid. Disgusted at yourself, even, for attempting to appeal to a boy who had never given you the time of day in the past even though everyone was aware of how blatantly obvious your crush on him was.
Youâve always prided yourself on how true to your own character you are, but in this moment, you feel like a child watching real adults in the real world. Two years' age difference isnât much in retrospect, but at this moment, Lim Saemi seems like a whole generation above you. Her maturity shines through every part of her â from her gait to the way she dresses to the way she leans into Jaehyun â and you canât help but let your worst insecurity get to you as they get impossibly closer.
It hurts, because heâs not even mine.
âY/N, are you listening?â
You donât answer.
And when the soft plush of his lips come down to place a gentle kiss against her forehead, you decide that youâve seen enough.
âŚ
Your mouth feels like paper, your head feels like itâs about to split open, and you feel like shit.
Blearily blinking one eye open and then immediately shutting it after getting a glimpse of an unfamiliar ceiling, you groan out loud before stuffing your face into your arm.
Somehow, the little bit of willpower left in you forces your body to get off of the bed youâre on, stumble through the darkness (you think you accidentally trip over a stray body on the ground too), and feel your way to the hallway. Your brain has completely shut off, but youâre also fucking parched and nothing will get in the way of you and water right now.
Your feet miraculously lead you to the empty expanse of Johnnyâs kitchen, little sunlight reaching its pristine tiles at such an early hour. Glancing at the red clock numbers on the oven, you blanch when it displays a mocking 6:04am. Youâre lucky that your hangovers donât hit too hard. Pouring yourself a glass of water, you can finally swallow and lean back against the counter in relief as you take a deep breath.
And thatâs when it hits you. Thatâs when everything hits you.
You almost choke on your water as your mind pulls last night from the depths of its sleepiness, from the drinking to the unwanted feelings to the sensation of blacking out. You remember it all.
Taeyong taking a body shot in front of you (scarred). Johnny making out with one of your close school friends in front of you (scarred x2). Mark handing you drink after drink. Chaewon leading you into the garden for fresh air. And⌠and seeing the boy you like with a girl you thought he had nothing to do with anymore.
Like a floodgate of torturous memories, your mind automatically replays every little interaction without warning as you throw your head back against a cabinet in regret. Itâs as if you have no control over what you get reminded of and what you donât, because of course, the first thing that flashes before you is the feeling you felt when you saw Jeong Jaehyun in the courtyard.Â
His arm wrapped around the shoulder of Saemiâs as your best friend desperately vied for your attention, the girl finally following your line of sight to eventually see the scene you were watching in chilling silence. And Chaewon had noticed it all, from the way he smiled down at her to the very moment he looked up in your direction.
âY/NâŚâ she had whispered, the pity clear in her tone. Youâd turned your head away quickly, not wanting her to see the tears gathering on your lash-line, but she couldnât help but notice the way you reached up to wipe them away. Your body had gone into autodrive, quickly moving to the side to get away from the two as fast as you could. Chaewon reached out for you before turning back to glare at Jaehyun, surprised to see him already staring right at you.
He seemed unfairly distraught and guilty in her eyes, his gaze conflicted as his hands fell from Saemiâs face in a flash and hovered in the air in shock. A few seconds later and he snapped out of it, leaving her standing alone and rushing over in your direction, seemingly trying to reach you before you got lost in the mass of people inside the mansion.Â
As he passed Chaewonâs lingering form, her hand flew out to latch onto his shoulder.Â
Shaking her head at him â as if saying, you lost your chance ages ago â it was then that she truly felt awful about the inner turmoil her best friend was constantly subjected to when liking a boy like that.Â
Wincing, you press a cheek to the cold marble countertop of the kitchen as all of your thoughts flitter through your consciousness at once. You wish the dull throbbing in your head would stop, and even thinking about it makes you shift uncomfortably in place, itching to just get outside and clear your mind with fresh air.
Fuck it, you decide, no oneâs awake anyway. I need to get away, even if it's only for a few moments.
Pushing your hair out of your face, you finish your water before heading out. Thereâs an unusual smell of artificial roses as you move through the hallways and descend the grand staircase; itâs eerie to walk in a silent house, all of the hallways dark and stoic. Johnnyâs mansion looks like a mini natural disaster with the way decorations and bottles are strewn across its marble floors, almost like savages making use of a castle. Itâs like a presentation of physical evidence of what took place last night.
Finally making it outside into the crisp morning air, you relish in the chirping of the songbirds and empty expanse of a dew-tipped garden. Taking a deep breath, you shiver slightly before heading down a small hill behind the garden. You recall there being a lake behind the property that Taeyong and Johnny used to bring you to when you were younger, one with a small dock that retreated far enough into the water that you could be alone without having the urge to constantly look towards the house again.
You donât expect anyone to be awake â or even outside â this early, but it comes as a surprise when you almost trip over a figure sitting on the bottom-most stone step. Putting a hand to your heart, your eyes widen as they turn to look up at you.
âOh⌠hi. I didnât expect anyone would be awake this early.â
âYeah, I just needed some fresh air,â you say, nervously playing with the hem of your shirt. âSo Iâm going down to the dockâŚâ
âAh. I see⌠um. You- you wouldnât mind if I joined you, right?â
âŚ
Life is funny sometimes.
As you swing your legs gently above the light waves, you canât help but think about the irony of the situation youâre in. You bite your lip before turning to the person next to you, their knees pulled up to their chest as they stare out into the water.Â
âSaemiâŚâ
The girl turns to you, a hesitant smile on her face as she reaches out for your hand.
Lim Saemi takes your fingers between hers before letting out a deep sigh, the talkative persona she normally holds, gone, as she looks between each of your eyes. The hesitance between the two of you is awkward in a way. Youâve never had a full conversation with her and youâve always assumed things about her based off of othersâ recountings, but she couldnât be more different now.Â
The little imaginary devil on your shoulder shakes her pitchfork at you, as if saying, âyou should be hating her, remember?âÂ
You look down to hide your slight frown.
âI think we have a lot to talk about,â she starts, voice tentative and slow as she purses her lips in contemplation. You still. Nodding your head, you let her move closer to you on the wooden planks of the dock before she makes eye contact with you again.
âYou know, sometimes it scares me how alike you and Taeyong look. Itâs like staring into a mirror image, and I feel like I see memories in you that I associate with your brother.âÂ
You cock your head at her words. â...weâre pretty similar people too, I think,â you whisper back, an automatic smile reaching your face as your mind finds its own way to him.
âI think so too,â she grins. âActually, Taeyong and I have been friends for a long time, and heâs always speaked of you so fondly that I couldnât help but anticipate meeting you. I would see glimpses of you here and there, and he would constantly mention his baby sister and how much he worried about her. He was the best older brother, and anyone could see it.â She pauses, taking in a deep breath. âYet he treats his friends the very same way, with the same adoration and care. It doesnât matter how much Taeyong will grow in the future with his escalating popularity and growing talent in music, heâll always have the kindest soul in my eyes. Iâm genuinely so thankful for him, Y/N.â
To hear someone speak about your brother like that triggers an emotion in you that you didnât even know you had, gaze curious as you wait for her to continue.
âI donât really know how to start this conversation to be honest, but- I bet you know how hard high school is.â You nod, grimacing at all of the particular more negative memories you have. âYouâre balancing on that fine line between feeling too adult to be in school and feeling too childish to live your own life yet, and I, for one, most definitely didnât know how to deal with such a sudden change in my social and academic surroundings. I think I changed physically a lot then, too. My face, my body, everything. I started morphing into someone that I couldnât recognize in the mirror, and I came to the realization that boys liked me first for my appearance, not my personality. And⌠and you know what I regret the most? I learned how to use my body as a weapon.â
âI learned how to change the way I talk, how to talk to boys so that I could get them to do what I want, and suddenly, everything changed even faster. People flocked to me, which is what I had always secretly wanted, but the person that they wanted wasnât me. I had flown a bit too close to the sun and now I was stuck with this facade that I couldnât get rid of. It was never just âSaemi,â I was always simply the object of their desires, something to be acquired. And I had brought it upon myself.â
Recalling the Saemi you knew and recognized in high school, you have a bit more of an understanding of her now. She held up a front in order to protect herself, and as a result, she lost touch with her own self. Your heart hurts for her as you hesitate to reach out and offer comfort.Â
âYour brother was the first one who understood me right away. We met in detention during our second to last year, and he saw right through me in the first ten minutes. Sat me down in the teacherâs empty chair and told me that I was a bitch for breaking one of his friendâs hearts.â She closes her eyes as she recalls that very afternoon. âTaeyong gave it to me plain and straight that day: I shouldnât have promised false love to so many boys if I wasnât planning to give it in the first place. Your brother may have been a player too, but the boundaries he always set with his girls made him a thousand times better than I was.â
You place your hand on hers, Saemi giving you a grateful smile in return.Â
âI thought hard about myself and my decisions after that, and I decided that if I wanted to enjoy the last years of my secondary schooling, I needed to take back control of my own actions. After I apologized to his friend, he offered me genuine friendship in the weeks following, one without the jealousy and lust that I was always caught up in before. I had always been surrounded with so much toxicity, and he was able to pull me out of it so easily that I finally felt seen for the first time.âÂ
She pauses, glancing at you briefly before staring up at the sky.Â
âThat was also⌠the first time I met Jaehyun.â
You shift, staring down at your shoe laces as they sway lightly with the wind.Â
Ah, you smile sadly to yourself. Weâve gotten to this part of the story.
âYour brother brought me along with him one day to one of his parties, and I had truly never been enamored with a boy that quickly before.â
You can tell that Saemiâs choosing her words carefully with you, and they hit a lot harder when you relate to what sheâs saying. Youâre certainly no stranger to his charm.
âWe started talking that night and Jaehyun had somehow broken down all of the walls I had carefully built up within the first month of knowing each other. It was new for me. My personal mantra had always followed the lines of, âif they like what they see and feel, I might as well use it to my advantage.â But it was different with him. I didnât want us to be a one time thing, and I certainly did not want him to think of me as something who couldnât do that kind of serious relationship shit. I wanted him to like me so badly without thinking about if I had genuine feelings towards him in the first place.â
She takes another deep breath, as if sheâs collecting her thoughts, before leaning forward with an airy laugh and sadness clear in her eyes.Â
âHave you ever mistaken love for dependency, Y/N?âÂ
Have you?Â
You think back to all the people youâve liked throughout your teenage years, ranging from hallway crushes to⌠well- Jaehyun. Your pupils dart to the water as you think about the idea of depending on a person. Do I depend on the people I like, or do I know when to distance myself?
You shake your head.Â
âJaehyun and I⌠we jumped into everything too quickly. It wasnât even a right person, wrong time situation; we simply werenât ready. We tried putting our all into this lone spark that we felt without stepping back and really looking at our relationship.â She stops to observe the rising sun above the lake, its golden reflection casting a healthy glow on her skin. Saemiâs beautiful like this, her feelings bare and raw before you as she lays out her emotions so vulnerably.Â
âI guess I never really loved Jaehyun in the way he loved me. He was looking for something tender and real, and younger me was not in the capacity to give that to him. I tried to convince myself every single fucking day that I liked him in that way, but even I knew deep down that my I would never convince myself. I still had this lingering, detrimental mentality of seeing boys as something I could win over, and my fascination with him intertwined with that in ugly ways.â
Saemiâs face falls a little before she takes both of your hands in hers, eyes sincere as she peers at you.Â
âThe reason Iâm telling you all this is because⌠I saw you,â she whispers carefully, watching your reaction. âLast night. When Jaehyun and I were together in the garden⌠I saw you watching before you walked away.â
Your heart drops as you look down at her hands holding yours so carefully, her pretty fingers encompassing your wrist as you unwillingly recall the worst emotions you had felt in a while.Â
She saw.Â
You only manage to get out a small, âoh,â before she squeezes your hand reassuringly.Â
âHey hey hey, look at me,â she leans down slightly to put herself at eye level with you. The edges of her lips quirk up in the slightest, her hair falling elegantly against her face as the wind picks it up and puts it back down again. âI donât want you to misunderstand. Why? Because all those years ago, Jaehyun misunderstood, and I misunderstood, and it was all of these assumptions and forced feelings that drove our relationship to its grave. We were shit at communicating with each other properly, and that eventually hurt both of us too deeply to heal the right way.â
You nod at her hesitantly, taking in what sheâs saying with a newfound understanding. Saemi sighs before smiling again at you.Â
âIâve hurt a lot of people in the past,â she says, forlorn, her eyes crinkled as she sniffs in the cold of the morning. âAnd I never got the chance to apologize to them properly. But last night, I finally worked up the confidence to revisit our high school days with Jaehyun.â She stops, leaning back onto the dock with her hands behind her. Her eyes close as she soaks in the morning sun, and you canât help but mirror the position as your heart warms for her. âWe finally got our much needed closure last night, and I was feeling a bit down afterwards so he was simply comforting me. And I wonât weigh you down with all the nitty gritty details, but we were able to see our ending all the way through without letting our emotions get in the way.â
You canât help but reach out and hug the girl, your arms wrapping comfortably around her shoulders to express your awe and gratitude. With a little noise of surprise, Saemi pauses for a few seconds before embracing you back. Everything makes more sense now, and you canât help but feel a little ashamed for jumping to conclusions so easily.Â
âIâm so grateful that you shared all that with me,â you mumble into her shirt, her chuckle ringing out into the lake as she rubs your back like an older sister would.Â
âOf course. If anyone deserved to hear all of this, it would be you.â
âWhy?â
Saemi snorts, pulling back from your hug before lifting an eyebrow at you.Â
âOh please, Y/N, you should see Jaehyun from everyone elseâs eyes. We can all see the way he looks at you.â Your mouth drops open slightly, tilting your head in confusion.Â
âHe looks at me a certain way?â
âGod, I have never met two more stupid people in my lifetime,â she groans, bringing her fingers up to her temple. âAnd I say this lovingly, of course.â
With a fond look on her face, she nudges your shoulder. âBut Iâm really glad Jaehyun has someone like you.â
You bashfully look down at the water, a rosy blush creeping up your cheeks at her words. You were never 100% sure of where you stood with him, but that familiar feeling of hope has started to creep up once again. Could I go through that again, though? That same push and pull?
Seeming to sense your sudden aversion, Saemi loops her arm through yours in one smooth motion and sets your hand in her lap.
âHey. Promise me youâll go talk to him?â
You hesitate to reply, mouth dry as you think about everything sheâs poured out to you. You think about your own feelings, and you think about the possibility of having something more with Jaehyun. You think about his history with Saemi, and how this issue of communication has ruined your confidence so many times. But what is it all worth if you donât try?
With a slow nod, you offer her a reassuring smile before dusting off your clothes and standing up. âPromise.â
Saemi grins at you.
âThatâs my girl.â
âJaehyun?â she asks, putting a hand out on his arm as he looks behind her, distressed. Sheâs never seen him like this, a nervous jitter in his hands as his eyes dart around at the scene behind them.
Turning around, she just manages to catch a glimpse of a girl rushing towards the back of the house, her head downturned but not masking the obvious face of discomfort in her features. Her friend turns around to glare at them before following close after.
âFuck,â he breathes out, chewing on his lip as he hesitates to run after your escaping form. âI fucked up so bad, Saemi.â Running a hand through his hair in frustration, he lets out a noise of exasperation as he watches you get farther and farther away.Â
âWhat?â
âSheâs leaving, Saemi. What do I do, what do I do,â he mumbles under his breath. âI just know sheâs gonna think I hurt her on purpose. I always fuck it up somehow.â
âWoah, letâs breathe first,â she holds him steady at the shoulders, grip strong as she turns his body to face hers. âBreathe slowly.â
After a few panicked breaths, he looks back at her and attempts to inhale at a slower pace. A few seconds pass and heâs calmed down already, but a worried crease still flits across his features nonetheless.
âListen to me, Jaehyun. Donât leave her in the dark.â
His body loses tension bit by bit as he nods back a little, a heavy look in his eyes.
âWe both know how that feels, better than anyone.â
âŚ
Twenty-three missed calls.
Thatâs how many youâve accumulated over one day.
You do the math on your bedroom ceiling as you lay splayed out on the mattress like a starfish. Each glow-in-the-dark, plastic star represents a missed call, and they swim across your vision as you point up at them with your hand to count them.Â
Thereâs seven from Mark, another seven from Chaewon, four from Taeyong, one from Johnny, and the remaining four? Mentally moving the glowing stars across the solar system of the ceiling, you pick four of the brightest glowing stars before keeping them hidden in a little group at the corner of your eye.
4 missed calls from Jeong Jaehyun, your phone reads from beside you on the mattress, the screen habitually lighting up throughout the day.
Your hand itches to grab it and just call him like you so desperately want to, but you exercise self-restraint as you roll over and stuff your face into your pillow. Itâs unfairly hot tonight â the sticky, humid type â and being surrounded by all of your fluffy blankets and pillows does nothing to help your condition, but you donât want to move out of your room. Letting out a muffled scream into the fabric, you groan to yourself when you realize that all of the problems floating around in your head wonât just magically disappear.
A normal Sunday would have gone like this: waking up mid afternoon with an abnormally large appetite, eating the entire contents of your kitchen to your heartâs content, and then going back to bed. Unfortunately, today was a bit different.
For the entire day, youâve been busy. Busy thinking.
You had quickly left Johnnyâs estate after your talk with Saemi early in the morning, borrowing one of Johnnyâs cars from his garage and leaving him a little note that youâd return it soon (to be honest, you doubt that heâll even notice). Youâve been in your room ever since.Â
With your eyes trained out the window, your record player ran through entire sets of albums as you lay on your bed in contemplation for the entirety of the afternoon. The fan in your room barely kept you cool as it picked up the fabric of your sundress every few minutes, marking another block of time that had gone by without you getting up and doing something about your position.Â
You let out a humph before throwing an arm over your eyes and retreating back into deep thought.
Iâve been distancing myself from him the entire day, and thatâs the opposite of what I want to do, right? Iâm turning into exactly what Saemi warned me not to.
Biting your lip, you turn your body over to stare at your motionless phone. But what should I do?
In a single impulsive movement, you reach out to grab the device before you can change your mind. Your fingers lead you to your contacts before your brain can catch up.
You canât even fully register what youâve just done, but Jaehyunâs name flashing across your screen certainly makes it all very much real, your phone waiting for him to pick up on the other side of the line. Your face gets hotter and hotter as the seconds tick on, the beeping of a no-caller reply heightening your nerves.
Finally, with a little click from your hand, he picks up. Your eyes widen. You really didnât really think this through; now you had to actually talk to him.
âHey,â Jaehyun sounds out, his voice breathless. âI- are you okay?â
âYeah.â At least I think I am, you add on to yourself, grimacing. âUm⌠are you free today?â
âAm- am I free today? Yes! I mean yes, yes Iâm free today.âÂ
You canât help but smile at the way he trips over his words a bit, his nervousness bleeding over your speaker.Â
âWell then, rooftop at mine at 10?â
âFor real?â Jaehyun exclaims, checking the time on his alarm clock. Thatâs in twenty minutes. âWait, Iâll be there. I promise.â
And with that, the two of you hang up with a million unspoken words and unfinished sentences. You let out the breath you were holding in, because you genuinely thought you would pass out when you heard Jaehyunâs voice again after finding out all that you did. Throwing yourself against your bed, you let yourself indulge in your feeling of hope again.
âHeâll be here,â you sigh in happiness to yourself. You relax into your pillows before springing up immediately, a look of horror taking over your face. âOh my god, heâll be here.â
Rushing around your room with a newfound energy, you make sure you donât look like you just rolled out of bed (although you technically did just roll out of bed, but he doesnât have to know that) before unlatching the window of your bedroom and carefully climbing out onto your roof.
Itâs well past dusk now, and the sky is abnormally clear with not a single cloud in sight. The moon shines brilliantly in its place as it casts an eerie glow on the panels youâre sitting on, their bumpy texture making it seem like the material is constantly shifting.Â
You let yourself go for a moment, resting your head in the palms of your heads before staring out at the roofs of your city. They create a complex, urban terrain: a mix of timely balconies and rooftop gardens, orange lanterns and fairy lights alike.Â
The beeping of a car horn brings you out of your daze. Peering down into the street below you, a familiar, classy black car is visible through all of the telephone lines.Â
Okay Y/N, deep breaths.Â
Jaehyun gets out of the front seat, immediately looking up in hopes of catching a glimpse of you before you notice heâs there. However, when his eyes follow the length of your house up, he finds that youâre already staring at him with an unreadable expression.Â
He doesnât think heâs ever felt this nervous in his life. With cold hands, he lifts himself onto the electrical box beside your house before climbing up onto the slope of the roof, climbing over to you with an uneasy smile on his face.Â
âHey.â
You tuck your chin into your arms, leaning forward to look at him curiously. âYou couldâve taken the window, you know, but that works too.â
âWhatâs life without any risks, hm?â
As he settles himself, you canât help but think that thereâs a double lining to his words. âThatâs the most Jaehyun-esque thing Iâve ever heard.â
His laugh warms your heart in a way you didn't know it could.
The first few moments are quiet, just two pairs of eyes looking up at the stars before Jaehyun breaks the silence with a small cough.Â
âWe got lucky, thereâs no clouds tonight. Pure stars.â You look over in his general direction, his gaze not even directed towards the sky anymore.Â
He pauses, so you turn and happen to meet eyes at the same time. Both of you open your mouths to talk, prompted by the invisible tension between you.Â
âLet me just say thatââÂ
âI just wanted to tell youââ he starts at the same time you do, eyes widening when you both go quiet once again. âYou go first.â Giving him a grateful smile, you think a bit about how to express yourself before twisting your body completely so that youâre facing him.Â
âI just wanted to apologize first,â you start, holding up a hand when Jaehyun starts to protest. âWait. I really want to tell you this before I get too nervous to.â
âI know everyone was worried when I went kinda off the grid this morning, but I needed some time alone with my thoughts. I shouldn't have ignored you like that, especially when things seemed so off between us. This is really hard to say to your face but,â you glance away from him as he waits patiently for you, âI always feel this rush of different emotions whenever Iâm around you. And sometimes itâs confusing, but other timesââ stopping to exhale, you notice Jaehyunâs grin from the corner of your eye.Â
âHey, why are you laughing? Iâm trying to be serious right now,â you whine. He simply puts his hand up to his mouth to hide the elated expression on his face.Â
âYouâre just too cute, thatâs all,â he replies adoringly, his eyes creasing behind his hand.Â
âI canât take this,â you mutter in embarrassment, stuffing your face into your arm to hide the blush of your cheeks. âSee! Stuff like that. You make me experience, like, thirty different emotions at once.â
He simply giggles at you, throwing out a little âmy bad,â but he doesnât sound very sorry at all. You nudge him in the arm.
âSorry sorry, Y/N. Wait, Iâll be serious now.â
Both of you taking deep breaths, you put your hand up to your heart to calm its erratic beating as Jaehyun composes his expression back to normal.Â
âI really wanted to apologize too.â
You glance at him in surprise as the words leave his mouth, sincere and heavy.Â
âIâve been pretty shitty to you, and I recognize how confusing it must have been for you to watch me constantly go back and forth between different personas. Honestly, being back home forced me to face the people here, and suddenly I was thrown into this internal conflict between my high school life and my present self. Thatâs still no excuse for how many mixed signals I gave you these past few months, but I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you.â
Reaching out to brush a small leaf off your shoulder, his hand trails down your arm until heâs taken your hand in his. You can tell how much he means it by the way heâs looking at you â like you hold the entire galaxy in your eyes. You think that you finally see a replication of how you look at him yourself; after all, itâs being reflected back to you right now.Â
âY/N?â
âYeah?â
âI hope you can tell, but I really like you,â he whispers, bringing your hand up to his chest. He wants you to feel how much his nerves are racing just as fast as yours.Â
You think that your heart just about stops. Youâve dreamt of this moment since you were younger, and now that itâs finally coming to life, itâs unreal to think that he feels the same.
âI think you know how I feel,â you reply back quietly, looking down at your hands entwined with his.Â
âSay it?â he asks with a pleading face, the corners of his lips quirking up when you roll your eyes.Â
âJeong Jaehyun, do you really think I believe that you didnât know that Iâve liked you ever since we were kids?â Shaking his head innocently at your suspicion, he pouts in a manner thatâs very unlike him.Â
âFine,â you give up, unable to hide the smile creeping up on your face. âI like you Jaehyun, I like you so much that you donât even know how happy I am right now.â
âOh, I know. Come here,â he scoots over before tapping the side of his shoulder with his finger. Not getting the memo, you tilt your head inquisitively before he reaches over himself and puts your head on his shoulder himself. If your heart was skipping beats before, itâs probably failing to beat at all now.Â
âI want you to trust me,â he murmurs under his breath, his grip tightening on your hand. âI know I donât have the best track record right now, but Iâll prove to you how much I like you.â
You furrow your brows in confusion. âYou donât have to prove anythingâŚâ You wholeheartedly believe and trust in his feelings, but with the way heâs looking at you right now, you decide to humor him and raise an eyebrow prompting him to go on.Â
âWait, youâll do anything?â You ask, looking up at the stars to hide your telling grin.Â
âAnything. Even suffer through another one of those awful DiCaprio movies.â
âSuffer?â you exclaim, your head lifting off of his shoulder with his words.Â
âShit- no no not suffer. Who said suffer? You mustâve misheard me, I most definitely said enjoy.â
âYouâre on thin ice, Jeong.â
He snorts at your threatening expression, an arm snaking behind you to wrap around your waist protectively.Â
Turning his head to look down at you, youâre met with his nose almost touching yours. You can see every eyelash, every freckle adorning his skin as neither of you make the motion to move away.Â
Jaehyun loses his breath at the sight of you so close. He keeps his teasing eyes on yours before taking that extra step forward to bump your noses together. Glancing down at your lips, he steadies himself so that his voice can sound as confident as he envisions it in his head.Â
âCan I kiss you?â
âPlease, Jaehyun.â
With your consent, he pulls you forward by the waist before slotting your lips together carefully. Youâre not sure if itâs the pressure at which heâs holding you, or the fact that youâve waited for this moment for almost your entire youth, but kissing Jaehyun is glorious.Â
He moves a hand up to cup the back of your neck before pushing forward impossibly closer, tucking your hair behind your ear in one smooth motion as his mouth moves in tandem with yours.Â
You make a noise of surprise when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, giving you a little nip before licking over the skin carefully. The passion and lust that seeps through his tongue is made clear as the minutes pass, and your reactions only spur him on.
Th mix of his skin on yours burning its way across your body and the delicacy at which he touches you makes your heart alight for a completely different reason. Threading your fingers through his hair, you're delighted to find that that particular motion makes him shudder under your hands, and kiss you more like his life depends on it.
After a while of marking each other's skin and exchanging sweet nothings between his kisses, you tap his chest to pull apart for air, your breathless mien making him grin smugly.Â
âIâm that good, huh?â
âShut up, Jaehyun.â
âŚ
The rings on your fingers clink with his as you hand him a metal camping cup, its silver surface hot to the touch even at night. Glancing up at Jaehyun, you laugh when you catch his skeptical expression.Â
âThe hell is thisâŚâ he asks in borderline horror as the liquid in his cup sloshes around.Â
âMarkâs gonna love hearing that,â you remark, putting your own cup to your lips as you bring your knees to your chest.
Itâs the most comfortable when youâre with Jaehyun like this, sitting on the hood of his car in the dead of the night to stargaze into the early hours of the morning.Â
Itâs been a few weeks since that night on the rooftop, and youâve never felt more alive. From long drives with Taeyong to mini adventures with Mark, and from jukebox diners with Chaewon and constellation hunting with Jaehyun, you finally feel at home in a place youâre about to leave. University is close on the horizon, but that doesnât mean you canât spend your last free evenings with the people you love the most.Â
âIs this your recipe?â Jaehyun asks, pulling up your legs so that they rest over his lap. You shake your head with a cheeky smile.Â
âStole it,â you whisper, scrunching your nose at the distinct smell.Â
âAnd what did Markâs creative ass come up with this time,â he laments back, taking your cup to compare it with his in confusion.Â
âOur cups hold the same exact thing, Jaehyun. I didnât secretly poison your drink if thatâs what youâre thinking, and I know you are.â You take back your cup before taking another sip and taking a little piece of paper out of your pocket to read from. âBut anyway, it's âorange liquor, orange juice, lime juice, maple syrup, sliced jalapeĂąo, and agave blanco sugar in the rim.â You can steal the recipe too, but don't tell him that I gave it to you. Heâd murder me.â
âMm,â he muses, nuzzling into your neck. âI wouldnât want my girlfriend dead.â
You freeze in mid-air, mind turning the title over and over again in your head. âGirlfriend?â
Jaehyun sits up immediately, looking at you with the most mortified expression on his face. âFuck, I never asked you to be my girlfriend, did I?â
With a small giggle at his antics, you simply lean against him and pat his arm in consolation. âItâs okay, I donât need a label to know how you feel about me.â Jaehyun hums contently before suddenly wrapping his arms around you, your delighted shriek ringing out as he pulls you down with him and falls back against the metal roof of the car.Â
âCan we just stay like this forever?âÂ
You sigh in satisfaction as your body follows the rises and falls of his chest. The stars above seem to blink happily at the two of you as they make their way across the sky, the little, twinkling lights of overpassing planes highlighting their presence.
Intertwining your fingers with his, he gently kisses the side of your face before closing his eyes.
Even if the two of you hadnât realized it yet, it had always been like this: two childish souls crafting the idea of mature love. Two blooming young adults, with fizzing feelings and cherry picked lips, daring to love one another like the grownups in black and white colored movies.
Your summers are defined by sticky ân sweet cherry cola, rides around the abandoned carousel with your friends, and âborrowingâ quarters out of your brotherâs Cadillac to insert into the jukebox of the local diner. Theyâre tinged with the taste of Markâs special drinks and Chaewonâs sweet words, with Taeyongâs cheery voice ringing out throughout your house and your parentsâ weekly sitcom reruns. And most of all, summers are made of Jaehyunâs lavender cologne and the way he holds you close when you need it the most.
âDonât be surprised if the moon calls you by name, Y/N, because I tell her about you all the time.â
âŚ
<3 you can find their character profiles HERE.
[ for Y/N, mark, chaewon, jaehyun, taeyong, and saemi ]
âŚ
xoxo
2023 Š kiachiako | all rights reserved.
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all I wanted (M)
PAIRING: Jaehyun (NCT) + reader (female)
GENRE: the heartbreakers; gird your loins; smut
SUMMARY: A year has passed since you last saw your best friend, Jaehyun, but the man who returns is not the boy you once knew and loved. Jaehyun will barely speak to you and you donât know why, but you both may be exactly what the other needs to mend your broken hearts.
WARNINGS:Â frequent cursing; alcohol and cigarette use; some slut shaming; mentions of bullying; explicit sexual content
NOTES:Â 17k words; listening to all I wanted by paramore
ЧиŃĐ°ŃŃ Đ´Đ°ĐťŃŃĐľ
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Can I get a smut of Johnny suh using his size and strength kink on a petite female Y/N? Thank you~
heyy! i'm so sorry this is absurdly late :(( but hope you still like it! <3
small
Wasting no time to rid himself of his clothes, he spoke. âThis room is fine, right?â Muscles bulging as he fiddled with his shirt, the ridges of his chest drawing in the singlet, you bit your finger almost comically. âHello? Earth to _?â The brown of his eyes were soft, a sharp contrast to his stature. He smirked, his hair bouncing as he threw his head back slightly. âLike what you see?â
pairing:Â johnny suh x fem!reader
other members:Â none
word count:Â 2.4k
genre:Â romance, smut
warnings:Â sexual content so minors please dni!! as per the request the reader is smaller than Johnny but I refrained from describing body parts or her specific size or anything like that, she is just short. if you're sensitive to this kind of talk though maybe don't read <3 mild profanity, lots of kissing, johnny carries reader, manhandling, descriptions of johnny's torso and body throughout, dirty talk about the size of his ding dong schlong, clitoral stimulation/fingering, reader is pretty slutty and dumb during sex (aren't we all), missionary sex, praising (sweet girl, good girl), condom use, talking after sex (post nut clarity fr)
disclaimer:Â this is a fanfiction purely from my (filthy) imagination. I don't know the nct members and don't claim that they act like this in real life. I also do not condone any of the activity by any of the characters in this fic.Â
a/n:Â i have been in such a writer's slump particularly with smut! like i think i need some time off to write some good fics and some good smut, so i'm sorry anon and to all my lovely readers if this is shit :(
âNow why would he ever say that?â You peeked at your friend pacing around your small room through your hair. Scissors in one hand, your (new) bangs in the other, you winced. âWait, girl, I made a mistake I think.â
She sighed as you let the strands flutter across your forehead, uneasiness settling in your stomach. âDidnât you follow what he said?â Brad Mondoâs curtain bangs tutorial continued in the background as you turned your head expectantly from side to side. Your friend held your head in place with open palms, looking at you through the mirror. âItâs actually kinda cute. Makes you lookâŚwellâŚâ
âDonât say small.â She snorted, bringing a hand to her face to unsuccessfully cover her mouth. âI donât care, thatâs the funniest thing Iâve heard in a long time.â
You pushed yourself off the stool, rolling your eyes as you started undressing. âHe didnât mean it like that.â Your belt clinked as your jeans fell to the carpet, and you started bringing your shirt over your heard. âIâm sure it was his way of complimenting me.â Despite all your efforts, you couldnât stop the annoyance that cemented your words into place. âI guess.â
âGirl, you need to tell him that it bothers you.â
âIt doesnât bother me.â
âYeah, and itâs not weird to call some girl youâve been on two dates with small.â
The doorbell cut through the air, making you both jump. âShit. Itâs like he heard or something.â
âShit. Wait, just let him in and get him to wait downstairs. Okay?â Sudden panic was settling into your body, making your hands shake. Your friend got the message and hurried downstairs, zipping her skirt up in record time while hobbling downstairs. âHope I donât smell like chicken. I hate having shifts on Fridays.â
Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you pulled the skirt over the curves of your thighs and butt, watching the way it held onto your body. Stuffing the ends of the top into the skirt, you walked over to pick out a pair of shoes.
âIâm heading out! Johnnyâs waiting down here!â Your friendâs voice made your body do the kind of useless flurry that it does whenever you know youâre running out of time, and you drag out the highest heels you own. Small, my ass.
âHey!â As usual, he softened his frame when he saw you, placing his hands in his pockets and smiling so big so you would forget to feel intimidated by his 6-foot stature, or rock-hard physique. His eyes were like small moons, bursting on his face whenever he smiled. âHey, nice bangs.â You instinctively went to fiddle with them, silently cursing yourself for messing them up. âThanks.â Your smile was a little forced, but you were giddy to see him, your body rocking back and forth without your permission, ankles rubbing against each other.
â
âThe pasta was so good,â you couldnât stop raving, your hips knocking into Johnny as he walked you home, arms linked. âLike seriously, Johnny. So good.â
He laughed, the sound leaving him effortlessly. âIâm so glad you liked it. I remember the pasta here being amazing, but I was worried you would think Iâm cheap or not taking you seriously. The place being run down and all.â You shook your head, your bangs shuffling from side to side as you did. âNo, of course not. I would rather eat something good on the street than a tiny portion of something small and pretentious at an upscale place.â
He hummed, moonlight hitting his body, softening some angles and sharpening others, hair glowing golden brown as he walked. Your heels clacked against the linoleum of your front porch as you wondered whether your friend was home, but before you could reach for the front door, your knees buckled. You let out a small gasp as you felt Johnnyâs arms around your body, pinching into your skin almost uncomfortably. âOh shit! Iâm okay, babe.â You both froze at the sudden nickname, his arms loosening around you as you straightened up. You shakily continued. âU-uhm, sorry, I mean-â
âI think your shoes broke.â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
Yeah, no shit, you wanted to bite back. But you held your tongue, frustration seeping through your pores as you held onto the rail, Johnny hovering protectively over you as you took the right heel off, now newly broken in two pieces. âOh my god. These were so expensive! Ugh!â
âItâs okay. Maybe I can buy you another pair. Babe.â He said the last word almost sarcastically, and you glared at him. âJohnny.â
âIâm serious. Iâm sorry those broke so easily. Iâll bring a new pair next time?â
âJohnny, wait.â
âYou like me, right?â His face crumpled just a tiny bit. Not exaggerated like in the movies or anything, so subtle you would never notice from afar, or if you werenât close. You warmed at the thought of knowing him so closely, so well, enough to know that something was not right in the lines of his eyebrows.
You gulped, not knowing how to respond.
âI feel like you kinda hate me.â He crinkled his nose when he said hate, almost sarcastically, but his tone jabbed you straight in the chest. You shook your head. No, of course not, you wanted to say. I like you. I like you so much. But I am small to you. I wonder if you think of me as small. Do YOU like me?
âI just, I donât like being small.â He frowned, and so did you, the words sounding stupid as soon as they filled the small space between your bodies. âI mean, you called me small the other day. And I know you probably, well, definitely, meant it as a cute thing. Like physically. Like a term of endearment, you know? But, I donât wanna be seen as small, like more than physically. You know what I mean?â You cringed internally at your words, watching him stare blankly back at you.
âRight.â
âIâm so sorry. I sound like such a jerk. I donât mean to be hung up over one little word you said.â You bit your lip, tasting the remnants of your lipstick on your tongue. âItâs just what made me feel a little weird. But, I do like you, Johnny.â Your heart raced as you looked up at him. Your body moved without permission for the umpteenth time, and your arms melted around his hips, fingers splaying across the small of his back. Your mind screamed at you, but your body ignored it, burning up from within.
Tentatively, he brought one hand to your chin, skin warm but rough on yours. âI donât think low of you. I never have. I just think youâre so fucking gorgeous. So perfect the way you are.â The butterflies in your stomach were now dancing, free, leaping over hills and grassy plains. âSorry for the poor choice of words.â
You smiled, some of the tension leaving you as you let your bodies merge seamlessly, like lanes on an open road, like the sun as it meets the horizon. You kicked off your other shoe, standing on your tiptoes to meet his lips with yours. He tentatively glazed his hands over your sides, making you shiver and moan into his mouth. You brought your fingers to the nape of his neck, savouring the taste. âMmm, Johnn-â
You yelped when he gripped your thigh, guiding it to press against his hips. âJump up for me, baby.â You giggled, nodding as you straddled him, his torso gently rebounding back with your weight. As you met his lips once more, dragging your forearms across the top of his shoulders, you heard your front door open and close, the door to the downstairs bedroom fling wide open. As your back hit the bed, your hair splayed out onto the fresh sheets, knees bent, lipstick smeared.
Wasting no time to rid himself of his clothes, he spoke. âThis room is fine, right?â Muscles bulging as he fiddled with his shirt, the ridges of his chest drawing in the singlet, you bit your finger almost comically. âHello? Earth to _?â The brown of his eyes were soft, a sharp contrast to his stature. He smirked, his hair bouncing as he threw his head back slightly. âLike what you see?â
âUh huh.â All the shame left your body as you drew circles on his body and face with your eyes, letting his thick frame tower over you. âIs this okay?â He breathed into your collarbone, and when you nodded fervently, you felt his lips suck and nip at your neck. Gasping, you gripped onto his neck, letting your ankles hook around the back of his jean-clad legs. âY-yes. Yes please. Donât tease, I want y-you so much.â
âYeah?â He played with the buttons of your top, but you stopped him. âI canât waitâŚjust rip it off, please. I need you. Right now. Please, just use me. I know you can.â He drew an eyebrow upwards, and you almost felt a slight twinge of embarrassment until you heard the top rip, cold air exposing your lace bra, tits bulging as you arched your chest off the bed. âWhat a slut. Is this what you wanted all along?â He laughed as you wriggled under him, mouth latching onto the tops of your boobs. He released you only to throw your arms up, pinning your wrists down to the bed to watch your reaction. When you bit your lip in response, bringing your core closer to his, he laughed darkly. âFreak.â
âYes, just for you, fuck, please.â
âBet youâre just soaked under this tight little skirt. Want me to rip this off too?â You nodded before he could even finish his sentence, and the sound of your fabric ripping filled the air. âMmm, just as I suspected.â As he dragged your panties down your thighs, you felt your wetness pool onto the sheets under you. âPlease, please, hold me down and fuck me.â You whispered into his ear, letting your plump lips graze against his skin as you massaged the nape of his neck with your fingers. You whimpered when his jean-clad bulge bumped against your clit, the burn in your core growing with every passing second.
He kissed you deeply, pulling away at an agonising pace. âTell me why, baby.â You whined, trying to gather some friction between your legs with no avail. His arms pinned yours to either side of your head, his legs like heavy weights against yours. âPlease, I just, I want your cock i-inside me, w-want it to split me openâŚâ He shook his head. âWhat makes you think I would do that to you? Iâm too big for you, honey.â
You whined. âN-no, please. I donât care, just, push it in meâŚâ He laughed, kissing you. âPlease, I want to feel so fullâŚâ He shushed you, sitting up to unbuckle his jeans. âMmm, yes, yes pleaseâŚâ You were just babbling nonsense, the anticipation too intense to bear. His cock sprung out of his boxers, hitting his stomach, precum spilling out the edges of the tip. You heard him rip open a condom packet, dragging it on his length at lightning speed. He ran his cockhead through the folds of your pussy, making you whimper. âSo wet.â He breathed, and you gasped as his tip entered you at an agonisingly slow place. âJ-Johnny.â Your brain fought your body, wanting him to continue but feeling apprehensive at the impending stretch. âYouâre so big. Fuck.â You snuck a hand down towards your clit, but Johnny grabbed your wrist, leaning over to kiss your chin. âLet me.â As he pressed one finger onto your core, you gasped, back arching, eyes squeezing shut. âO-oh, oh myâŚâ
âYou like that?â He started speeding up, your gasps and moans like drugs to his system. When he pulled away, he started pushing his length in, and you let out a deep breath, as if you had been holding it in the entire time. âFuck.â You drawled, feeling him in every corner of your insides. âFuck, Johnny. Youâre, youâre so big, and s-strong.â
Johnny laughed, and you wondered for a second whether you had ruined the mood. âMy cock making you lose your filter, babe?â You blushed, but the constant bump and stretch on your clit had your vision go foggy, your head spinning deliriously. You used your forearms to push away, breathing deeply as if his cock had suffocated you from the inside out. Johnny wrapped his arms around your hips, bringing you flush against his pelvis in one swift movement. âUh uh, where do you think youâre going?â His snarkiness and the fulness in your lower stomach made your core squeeze excessively. âAh, shit! Fuck, I think Iâm gon-â You felt it before you could finish your sentence, your climax stealing the words out of your mouth, making your heart thump incessantly against your ribcage.
Johnny cooed at your, his forearms now caging you by your head, peppering light kisses on your face. âYou alright, sweet girl?â You nodded, gasping. âPlease, please move.â He chuckled, groaning as he pulled back to thrust into you, making you throw your head back and scream. âFuck, oh my god.â Your body shook with the force of his steady thrusts, his legs pinning your body down to the bed. âGood girl, thatâs it.â He groaned, getting sloppier as he reached his climax. âYouâre so good for me. So eager for me to pin you down and fuck you. Because Iâm so big and strong, right?â You reached for Johnnyâs neck, the embarrassment at your previous comments leaving you as you felt your core tighten, coil ready to snap. âFuck, you just gripped me so tight, fuck. Nasty girl.â You moaned as you came, feeling him release inside the condom with a throaty moan.
Both of you heaving, gasping for air, you pulled Johnny close to your body, kissing his collarbone, his neck, his face. âI do like you, a lot.â Your breath tickled his skin as you spoke, and he stroked your hair gently with one hand, using the other to pull away from you to look into your eyes. âIâm sorry for calling you small. I admit, itâs a little weird.â
âApology accepted. I think weâve both called each other things weâre never gonna say again.â
âNo, hon, you should always call me big and strong Johnny-â
âJohnny, please. Never mention that again. It was a moment of weakness!â You whined, shielding your face as he laughed, slipping off you to lie next to you on the bed. âKinda sexy though.â You slapped his arm playfully, laughing as slipped down his forearm to take his hand in yours.
âIâll think of something better for next time, promise.â
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Love Plug
đ starring. Johnny Suh x afab!Reader
đŽ preview. âThe only things Johnnyâs horny for are things that come in green: money and weed. He doesnât date, babes, and you two are on a date.â
tw/cw. weed/drug use, shotgunning (kissing after John's taken a hit from a joint), reader likes wine, alcohol, plug!Johnny, unprotected sex, oral (f/m receiving) face riding, big dick john, 69-ing, size kink, grinding, multiple reader orgasms, fingering, pussy stretching, dirty talk, praise, ass groping, hand job, creampie/filling kink, cumming together, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) angel, sweet thing, good girl
đšÂ rating.18+ explicit I wc. 7.9k
đ aus. plug/drug dealer!Johnny, semi-strangers to lovers, Valentine's Day, etcâŚ
âď¸Â mlist + an. I know this is slightly late, as it's Valentine's Day themed, but I hope ya'll like it anyway! big thank you to @sehunniepotwrites, my beta reader, my fellow John lover, my bestie- Love you girlie, thank you for helping me edit this to get it posted on time đ
Being alone on Valentineâs Day is never fun. It would be one thing if you were with your girlfriends, but today, youâll truly be alone. Everyone is busy, people are working, or with significant others- you feel like youâre the only person without plans, and itâs driving you completely insane.
Your apartment is spotless, youâd gone on a cleaning bender to distract yourself from todayâs date, but as three o'clock rolls in, you find yourself sitting on your couch and staring at the ceiling.
Thereâd been a time in your life when boredom would make way for addictive traits. Dopamine-filled hobbies that youâve since done your best to squash. But as three becomes four and you have nothing to satiate yourself - not even the pink bottle of wine in your fridge has been able to drown your loneliness - you begin to consider more drastic measures.
Youâd never been a stoner, per se, but youâd gone with your cousin a few times to pick up from her run-of-the-mill dealer. If anything can help you relax and watch a movie, you think it might be some Grade A Indica.Â
Unknown number: Hi John, are you out today?
John: define out. Who is this
Unknown number: shit
Unknown number: my cousin gave me your number, Iâve picked up from you a few times
Unknown number: You probably donât remember me but my name is y/n
John: I remember you
John: how much do you need?
Unknown number: Iâm thinking $100 worth?
John: Iâll bring my shit. Text me your address and I can be over within the hour
Usually, when your cousin has gotten in contact with John, he comes to her apartment and the two of you go outside, filing into his truck. He has a duffle with jars full of weed, shatter, and the like. You give him money and he helps you decide what your night is going to look like.
When John calls you half an hour after youâve texted him, youâre already almost at your door. âIâll be down in a sec,â you tell him, searching for your keys.
âHow about you buzz me up instead?â he suggests. âIâm outside the front door.â
You freeze for a moment. As far as you know, Johnâs never come up to your cousinâs apartment, and the idea of inviting the sexy local plug up into your one bedroom is sketchy⌠but at the same time, youâre feeling kind of desperate.Â
âOkay, type my apartment number into the keypad and Iâll let you in. The elevator will take you to my floor.â
You hang up, and a moment later your phone rings again. You press the buzz-up key and hold your breath.
Youâre not sure if youâre scared of being alone with John because heâs a drug dealer or if youâre frightened of your own lack of self-control. Johnâs one of the sexiest men youâve ever seen and this is Valentineâs Day. Youâd been planning on maybe getting a little high, pulling out your vibrator, and having a good time with yourself⌠but if you could have a good time with himâŚ
You give your head a shake, reaching for your bottle of wine. You pour the last bit of it into a cup, lifting it to your lips while you wait for the local plug to arrive at your door.
When he knocks, you practically jump, heart lurching in your chest. You scurry to your door, not wanting to make him wait- not wanting any of your neighbors to see the tall, sexy, tattooed man standing outside your home.
John greets you with a grin. âSpecial delivery,â he jokes, stepping past you and into the apartment and looking around. âYouâve got a nice place.â
âThank you.âÂ
You watch him head into the living space. He walks as if heâs been here before, as if he belongs here. The duffle makes a thumping sound when he nonchalantly sets it onto your small dining table, but John doesnât immediately open it to show you the product like he does when youâve bought from him before.
âIs it just me, or does it feel kind of sad in here?â John asks, turning to look at you.
âHmm?âÂ
âI just meanâŚâ he gestures around, âspotless house, a pretty girl alone on Valentineâs Day⌠you havenât bought from me in a while, sweet thing, I kind of thought youâd quit.â
âI did quit-â you stutter, âI mean⌠I was never a huge stoner or anything, so I wouldnât say I quit-â
John grins while watching you search for an explanation. He leans back, palms flat on the dining table. The black v-neck heâs wearing shows off some of his chest piece and the tattoos on his neck are definitely a distraction as you try to formulate words.
âLook, all Iâm saying is⌠Iâd hate for you to lose your sobriety streak because youâre feeling lonely on Valentineâs Day.â
âIâm not exactly sober,â you scoff, reaching for your glass of wine.
âIs that a rosĂŠ?â
You look down at the liquid. âItâs a pink strawberry sparkling wine.â
âSounds nice. Give me a taste.â He holds out a hand, and itâs clear that itâs more of a demand than a request, so with a sigh, you hand your cup to the local plug.
John swirls the glass, then he lifts it to his lips. He doesnât sip, doesnât take his time, he simply tilts his head back and downs the wine in two large gulps. When heâs done, he wipes his hand across his mouth, grinning mischievously. âYummy.â
âThat was the last of it,â you groan. âNow I have to hit the liquor store too.â
âIs it usual for you to get crossed, sweet thing? Weed and wine? You must really be feeling some type of way today.â
âSo says the drug dealer working on Valentineâs Day.â You roll your eyes, annoyed that heâd downed your whole glass and isnât cutting to the chase of your transaction.
âOuch,â John laughs. âWhen did you get such a mouth on you?â
âSince you just drank an entire cup of wine in two seconds and started talking about my sobriety streak- are you going to sell me some weed or not?â
âFor a girl with nowhere to be, you sound like youâre in a rush,â John muses. âYou want to get me out of your home that badly, huh?â
âI mean, I would have preferred meeting you at your car,â you admit.
John simply shrugs. âAnd I wanted to see how dire your situation was. Clearly, itâs pretty fucked. Listen, we can still go down to my car if you want.â
âWill you sell me the weed if I go with you?â
âNah, but I can take you out for a drink instead.â
His words hang heavy in the air, and your mind does mental gymnastics to make sense of the suggestion.Â
Is he asking you out?Â
Finally, you ask, âArenât you working?â
âThe good thing about being your own boss is you can always say fuck it, I wanna go to a bar,â John points out. âSo are you going to come with me and let me distract you better than weed would? Or are you going to mope around here with no wine, no weed, and no sexy plug to make you feel better?â
You definitely have a sexy plug or two hidden away under your bed that could make your day better- but you donât tell John that. Instead, you let out a sigh. âI guess I have nothing better to do.â
âThatâs the spirit, sweet thing, now letâs go on an adventure.â
The place he takes you to is a complete dive. Itâs a dark ambiance, and as you settle onto a bar stool, you notice the stickiness of the counter in front of you. John, however, seems completely at home here. He doesnât mind the alcohol-stained wood, leaning over it to speak to the bartender over the loud rock music that plays through the establishment. âTwo shots of the regular,â he announces.
âYou got it, Johnny,â she laughs, turning to grab a bottle of whiskey from one of the higher shelves.
âSo I guess I donât have to ask if you come here often,â you breathe.
âAnd I donât have to ask if youâve been here before. You stick out like a sore thumb, sweet thing. Relax a little.â
You let out a sigh. âAre we really going to do whiskey shooters?â
âIâm buying so Iâm choosing,â John insists. âBut if you want a cocktail or something, you can get that too, on me.â
So instead of taking your money today, heâs spending his money on you.
John is an enigma, and the confusion you feel has you more curious than ever.
âSo howâd a guy like you get into your line of work?â you ask.
âHeâs eighteen, gets stupid tattoos on his neck and hands, is rejected from other lines of work, and then discovers he has a talent for growing the best weed in town,â John responds. âAlthough, between you and me, Iâm pretty good at growing orchids too.â
You had not pegged him as a plant guy. Heâs always seemed so one-dimensional, and you realize now that your stereotype of him had been wrong. Youâd never have thought John was the one actually growing the product he sells, and the idea of him nursing an orchid - a famously difficult flower - has your heart softening.
The bartender returns, setting two shots in front of you and John. âHowâs your day going, Hyuna?â John asks, picking up a conversation with her.
âItâs going,â she sighs.
âOuch, that doesnât sound good,â John muses, pushing one of the shooters in front of you. âI thought you were seeing that new guy- the finance bro. Figured youâd be with him today.â
âIâm not sure heâs the commitment type.â Hyuna brushes her long dark hair over a shoulder, looking between you and John. âBesides, someone has to run this lonely hearts club here. Youâre ruining the single vibe by bringing a date.â
âMy bad for not introducing her, by the way,â John grins. His arm comes around the back of your chair, and he pulls you closer. âThis is sweet thing, Iâm saving her from making bad decisions today.â
âYeah? And how are you doing that?â Hyuna laughs.
âBy substituting one drug for another.â John picks up his shooter, turning to you. âTo bad decisions.â
With a sigh, you grab your own shot, lifting it to clink against Johnâs. âTo bad decisions,â you echo.
The whiskey is like fire as you shoot it, and you have to do your best not to sputter from how bad it tastes. You feel your face scrunch up involuntarily, and it earns laughs from Hyuna and John.
âI think we can all agree Johnnyâs taste in alcohol is a bad decision,â Hyuna muses. âWhat can I get you, sweet thing?â
You order your drink of choice. John asks for three more shooters. When Hyuna sets them all down in front of you, John holds one out to her. âThis oneâs for you. Iâm sorry itâs not working out with finance bro.â
Hyuna assesses the shot, then, with a groan, she grabs it. âI shouldnât be doing this.â
âNo oneâs gonna care,â John insists. âAnd we both know your manager is in love with you. Just take the shot, babes.â
Hyuna rolls her eyes and downs the drink. She sets the glass down, her perfectly manicured black nails dragging along it momentarily. âYou and your annoying tastes.â
âYouâll learn to love this,â John assures her. âYou learned to love me, right?â
âAfter I got over how annoying you are.â
John only laughs. He downs another shot, bringing his total to three. Then he stands up abruptly. âVape break,â he announces. âYou girls better not have too much fun without me.â
You watch him leave, sipping on your cocktail.Â
âSo how did you two meet?â Hyuna asks, half turning to remove some glasses from the washer so she can polish them while you chat.
You lean forward, whispering, âHeâs literally my plug.â
âJohnâs everyoneâs plug,â Hyuna laughs.
âHow about you? Heâs a regular?â
âYeah, but I also dated his sister once upon a time,â Hyuna explains. âHe was her annoying kid brother. I did my best to be nice to him but things didnât end so well with her- then three years later he came in here, all tattooed and wreaking of weed- He recognized me right away, and heâs been coming in here ever since. Tips good too.â
Youâd been wondering about the specificities of their relationship. Hyunaâs gorgeous, like- one of the prettiest bartenders youâve ever seen. Her lean arms are covered in intricate tattoos, her nails are filed to points, her hair is perfect, her cheekbones are prominent and her lips are puffy like pillows-
Who wouldnât have a crush on her?
âHeâs an interesting guy,â you muse finally.
âDonât let his tattoos fool you,â Hyuna says, meeting your eye. âHeâs a sweetheart. He just likes to look all tough because of his job.â
You consider what sheâs just said.
âSoâŚâ your throat feels a little dry. âDoes he often come in here with girls?â
âNever. And especially not on Valentineâs Day.â Hyuna sets a cup down, leaning over the bar top to get a good look at you. âSo tell me, sweet thing, whatâs the end goal here?â
âHmm?â
âJohnny might be an annoying plug, but like I said, heâs a good guy. Iâm not dating his sister anymore, but heâs still like a kid brother to me. I donât want to see him get hurt.â Thereâs a beat of silence. âHeâs giving you heart eyes, and he let you choose your own drink. John doesnât even let me choose my own drink once in a blue moon when we go out. Heâs also never cared about what drugs I do, so why does he care so much about you? What makes you so special?â
âIâŚâ you set your cocktail down. âI really canât answer that.â
Hyuna cocks her head, pursing her lips. âGirl to girl, donât be a bitch to him. Iâm the one heâs going to come crying to if you reject him really hard. Let him down softly, if you have to.â
âHonestly, girl to girl, I donât even know if heâs into me that way.â
âSweet thing,â Hyun scoffs, âyou must be blind as a bat. Donât you see the way heâs looking at you?â
âI sort of thought he was just horny for Valentineâs Day.â
The bartender lets out a barking laugh. âThe only things Johnnyâs horny for are things that come in green: money and weed. He doesnât date, babes, and you two are on a date.â
Your lips part to respond, but the door to the bar opens and John comes back inside. He lumbers over with a grin, taking the seat next to you. His arm slides around the back of your chair and he leans forward, looking between you and Hyuna. âSo what did I miss?â
âNothing important,â Hyuna lies.Â
âIn that case, I think Iâm going to order a-â
âYouâre aware that at some point Iâll have to take your keys away, right?â Hyuna raises a brow at John. âI just gave you three shots, you have one sitting in front of you still-â
âWe both know Iâm a heavyweight,â John insists.
âSure you are,â Hyuna rolls her eyes, âand your skin is naturally pink.âÂ
You assess John. Hyuna must have good vision, because in the shitty lighting of the bar, you can hardly tell that John has definitely flushed from the alcohol. His cheeks are a rosy hue, and he looks as boyish as ever, a stark contradiction to the neck tattoos that are also beginning to blossom with color.
âHow about this⌠two more shots,â John bargains, holding up three fingers.
Hyuna scoffs loudly.
âHow about⌠two more shots,â John continues to hold three fingers, âAnd Iâll buy dessert so my body doesnât turn into a complete whiskey barrel.â
âTwo desserts and you have a deal,â Hyuna sighs.
âTwo desserts it is.â John sits back in his chair. âWhat are you thinking, sweet thing? This place has a really good brownie, although, there's no weed in it.â
âWeâve also got apple pie with ice cream, tiramisu from the Italian place next door-â Hyuna does her best to be helpful, and youâre beginning to appreciate the tough love elder sister act thing she has going on.
You order the dessert that sounds most to your liking, and as you wait, John begins to ask about your cousin. âSheâs a trooper,â he muses. âI sold her this massive thing of mushrooms last week and she texted me like two days ago asking for more.â
âSheâs a heavy hitter for sure,â you agree.
âShe told me once that she only does things like weed and shrooms because they come from the Earth,â John continues. âNever asks for links to cocaine or MDMA or anything- just the Earthy shit. She told me itâs cuz sheâs a Taurus.â
You laugh. âThatâs my cousin.â
âIt was interesting meeting you for the first time,â John continues. âYour cousin gets into the car, knows exactly what strains of weed she wanted- pretty sure she was buying shatter. And there you are, asking for a blunt. Didnât know if you wanted indica or sativa or a hybridâŚâ John shakes his head, as if it was the most baffling experience in the world. âIn the end, I gave you some indica. Could tell you had a lot of anxiety and shit. I was kind of happy when you stopped buying, Iâd hoped youâd found some other outlets or something.â
âI picked up wine,â you say, only half joking.
âLook, on our way back to your place to drop you off, Iâll stop and pick up a bottle for you to make up for what I drank earlier, deal?â
âDeal.â
John grins, and then you see his hand dipping down into his pocket. âVape break.â
You watch John lumber outside again, and you release a deep sigh, meeting Hyunaâs eye. âBoys and their vapes.â
Dessert had helped mellow John out somewhat, and heâd actually been pretty law abiding while driving to the liquor store after. The two of you are now walking around the aisles, with John asking you all sorts of questions about your preferences when it comes to booze.
It feels shockingly domestic, especially when people go to move past you and Johnâs hand finds the small of your back, gently prompting you in front of him to make way for others to go by.
âWhat if I get us two bottles, and you let me come up for a movie,â John suggests as you reach for a replacement wine from earlier.
âWhat sort of movie?â you ask.
âAnything you want.â
âAre you sure Iâm the only lonely one today?â you tease. âYouâre being pretty clingy, John.â
âAnxious girls love a man that clings,â the plug insists. âHere, Iâll sweeten the pot for my sweet thing. Three bottles of wine, on me, and Iâll hand roll a blunt that will blow your socks off.â
âWhat happened to not wanting me to lose my no-weed streak?â
âI never said Iâd let you smoke it, I just said Iâd hand roll it and youâd be super impressed by my skills.â
You let out a laugh. Itâs shocking how much your opinion of him has changed in a few short hours. You canât believe how comfortable heâs making you feel.
âFine. Three bottles,â you agree.
John grabs two more to join the one in your hand, and you head to the checkout. As youâre waiting in line, his phone rings, and he brings it to his ear.
âHey, MarkâŚâ Johnâs eyes meet yours. âI mean, Iâm kind of busy⌠You really need it huh? Okay, give me a sec.â The plug presses his phone to his chest. âIâve got a buddy who wants to link up. He lives pretty close by. It would take like⌠ten or fifteen minutes max. You good with that?â
âYeah,â you agree. âSounds okay.â
John lifts his phone back to his ear. âOkay, Iâll be there in ten minutes. You better be waiting outside though, I told you Iâm busy.â
A short while later, youâre sitting in the front passengerâs seat of Johnâs truck as he pulls up in front of an apartment building. A man in a hoodie and baseball cap is standing there, and he quickly gets into the back, giving you an odd look.
âMark, this is sweet thing. Sweet thing, this is Mark,â John says smoothly.
âDude. I didnât know you had a girlfriend.â
John ignores the comment. âHow much are you spending today?â
âFive hundred.â Mark pulls a wad of bills out of his pocket.Â
âThe usual?â John asks, reaching down for the duffle by your feet.
âHalf shrooms, quarter indica flower, quarter butter or shatter, whatever you think is best today.âÂ
âYou got it.â John sets the duffle gently on your lap, rifling through it. He begins to pull things out, like a jar full of weed. As John sections it off into bags, Mark leans forward to get a better look at you.
âSorry for interrupting your plans,â he says sheepishly.
âThatâs okay,â you assure him.
âYou guys up to anything fun?â
âMovie night,â John answers, tossing a baggie of weed back at his friend.Â
âNice.â Mark nods to himself, waiting patiently.Â
Soon, Johnâs fulfilled the order. Mark hands the cash to the plug, and with one final nod and half smile, he gets out of the car.Â
âSoâŚâ Johnâs hand returns to the wheel. âMovie night?â
Youâre two glasses of wine into the movie when John begins to roll a joint. Heâs seated next to you on the couch, his thigh just touching yours as he bends over the coffee table. For a guy with such large hands, heâs more adept than you would have thought heâd be at the fine-tuned movements needed to make the perfect joint.
Youâre more enthralled by him than the movie at this point, and you canât help the way your body reacts when he lifts up his nearly finished product to swipe his tongue across the paper. He seals the joint masterfully before turning to meet your gaze. âIâm gonna pop onto your deck for a moment to smoke this.â
âIâll join you,â you tell him immediately, pausing the movie to stand up.
You follow him outside, momentarily taken aback by how cold itâs gotten.Â
John pulls a lighter out of his pocket, and after one sharp flick, he begins to smoke the joint.
You like the way his jaw looks in the shadows of light from the deck lamp. Heâs so handsome and regal-
The cloud of smoke he exhales is bigger than anything youâd ever be able to do yourself, and even that is sexy in some odd way.
âYouâre really not going to give me a hit?â you ask.
âNope.â John looks at you with a lazy expression and a half smile. âYouâre the good girl, and Iâm the bad guy, remember.â
âBad guy,â you scoff.Â
âWhy are you laughing, sweet thing? Iâm a plug with tattoos. Iâm bad.â
âYouâre a softie.â
Now itâs his turn to laugh. âSays who?â
âSays me,â you insist.
âYeah? And how do you figure?â
You think about it for a moment before responding. âYouâve taken care of me today⌠even though you didnât have to.â
âWell, I wanted to.â John takes another puff, blowing it in your face. âIt was pretty self-serving actually.â
You roll your eyes, waving away the smoke. âSure it was, John.â
âJohnny,â he says quietly. âCall me Johnny.â
You stare at him, taking in his pretty face, the way his perfect lips wrap around the joint when he takes a puff. âJohnny⌠be for real. Why are you here?â
He lets out a laugh, but thereâs little humor in it. âIsnât it obvious?â
You shake your head, holding your breath while you wait for him to elaborate.
Johnny sighs. âLook. Iâve always liked you. I liked having you come around, needing an explanation about weed, and joints versus blunts, and indica versus sativa- it was like⌠it was like having a little bit of sunshine every once in a while. Then you stopped buying, and I was happy about that, but I also wasnât. Hadnât heard from you in months, didnât have your number, couldnât ask your cousin about you- you texted, and itâs Valentineâs Day, and I came up and saw you were alone- and⌠I donât know⌠I just hate missed opportunities, and I couldnât let this one pass me by.â
Youâre really not sure what to say. His demeanor is usually kind of joking, heâs the type to always have a smile- but right now, heâs not smiling, not joking- heâs being dead serious.Â
âIâm happy I messaged you.â You feel stupid as the words leave your lips, but they bring back Johnnyâs boyish grin.
âYeah?â
âUh huh,â you step closer, looking up at the tall plug. âThanks for taking me out for drinks.â
âIt would have been a crime to leave a sweet thing like you alone on Valentineâs Day, and trust me, I know all about crime.â
God, heâs such a goof. Why is he so endearing?
âDo you know about shotgunning?â you ask.
Johnnyâs brows furrow for a second. âIâm shocked you know about shotgunning.âÂ
âDo you wanna try it?â
The plug looks you up and down. âIs this a ploy to get at my joint?â
âNuh uh,â you shake your head.Â
Johnny leans forward, meeting your eyes as his lips almost brush past your own. âLiar.â
He pulls away, slotting the joint in his mouth. He watches you while taking a long drag. Then heâs removing the joint and bending down again, meeting your gaze.Â
You lean forward, reaching to gently grab at his shoulders. Your heart is racing a million miles a minute in your chest, and you do your best to exhale, although it comes out shaky.
âKiss me,â you whisper.
Johnny doesnât have to be told twice, he closes the distance, pressing his lips to yours in an open-mouthed kiss. He exhales the smoke into your lungs and you do your best to breathe it in, but Johnnyâs so much bigger than you, and you have to pull away before heâs completely finished his breath.
You sputter a little, feeling tears in your eyes. Thereâs a rush through your body, and you feel a little wobbly, but your grip on Johnny keeps you standing.Â
âJohn-â As soon as youâve recovered, heâs kissing you again, but this time, itâs not for the purpose of shotgunning.
This time, heâs kissing you like he means it.Â
Like he needs it.
His large hand cups your cheek, and he releases a soft groan when you kiss him back, wrapping your arms tighter around his shoulders to pull him closer.Â
He tastes like weed and wine, and oddly enough itâs not a bad combination. As his tongue swipes past your lip and you open your mouth for him, you find yourself releasing a groan of pleasure.Â
Johnny returns the sound. In the periphery, youâre aware of him flicking the joint to the ground in favour of grabbing you with both hands. First, he cups your hips, pulling you flush against him, but after a moment, he reaches down to squeeze your ass too.
You go for a breather, and he takes the opportunity to kiss your throat, teasing his tongue against your skin and making you shiver in the cold evening air.
âYou knowâŚâ you thread your fingers through his hair, âif you wonât give me drugs to use for happy chemicals, the least you could do is give me an orgasm.â
Johnny chuckles, pulling away to look at you with eyes that somehow sparkle. âI thought that was a given, sweet thing.â
âIt better be,â you tease, cupping the back of his neck to bring his lips to yours again.
This time, when the kiss deepens and Johnny bends down to cup your ass, he lifts you off the ground, prompting you to wrap your legs around his hips. He pushes the door open behind you, taking you back inside.
Youâre so lost in his lips you almost donât realize heâs moved past your couch, and then heâs gently laying you onto your bed. âSo how do you like it?â he asks, pulling away so he can tear his hoodie and shirt off, revealing a toned chest, and all the tattoos youâve been itching to see.
âI like it any way you want to give it to me. Dealers choice.â
Johnny lets out a laugh. âYouâre cute.â
âYouâre cute,â you retort, hooking your fingers in his belt to draw him closer again.
Johnny presses a hand to the bed by your head, bending over you so he can kiss you. Your thighs wrap around him, pulling him fully on top of you while youâre locked in the hottest tongue battle of your life.
Heâs just so big and sexy- the weight of him is enough to have you gasping, even though heâs still holding himself up with his elbow now propped into the bed.Â
His free hand finds your hip, slipping under your shirt to trace your skin. Each brush of his fingers builds the fire in the pit of your stomach, and as he slowly moves to grasp your breast, you find yourself almost dying with need for him.Â
You whimper lewdly against his lips, pushing your chest up toward his palm. With a bra in the way, you canât get the proper stimulus against your nipple, and within moments of him massaging your tits, you begin to tear your shirt off, needing more.
Johnny helps you remove the fabric, tossing it to the side so his mouth can find your throat. âYouâre so pretty,â he muses, reaching under you to undo the clasp of your bra. âCan I take this off?â
âYeah, fuck- let's get naked.âÂ
Johnny chuckles, pulling away to look down at you. âYou sure you didnât drink too much wine, sweet thing?â
âIâm mostly sober.â
âAnd that shotgunning didnât make you needy?â
âYou make me needy,â you insist, cupping his face. âYou know how you said you were into me months ago? When we first met, I swear I thought you were the sexiest plug Iâd ever seen.â
âProbably the only plug youâd ever seen,â Johnny points out with a grin.
âJohn,â you meet his gaze, âearlier, when you first got here, I wasnât even sure if I should invite you up. I was worried Iâd lose my self-control and jump you or something- trust me, the physical attraction has always been there, but⌠getting to know you today, I like who you are inside too⌠so, just fuck me, yeah?â
âHappy fucking Valentineâs Day to us lonely hearts, huh?âÂ
Instead of answering, you kiss him again, tangling your fingers in his hair. Johnny groans when you tug gently, and he grinds his hips down against your own. You can feel the bulge of his cock as it drags against your core, and youâre pretty sure your panties are going to be ruined after this.
You canât help yourself, you trace your hand down from his shoulders to his chest, then his abdomen- then you cup his cock, applying pressure that has him moaning again, thrusting against your hand for friction.
âI think I kind of want you in my mouth,â you admit breathlessly.
âThatâs funny, I want you in mine.â
You think about it for a moment. âSixty-nine?â
âFuck, youâre a girl after my own heart, arenât you, sweet thing?â
You can only grin, heart thundering in your chest as you push at Johnnyâs shoulders, prompting him to roll onto his back.
âYou take off your pants, and Iâll take off mine,â you suggest, getting off of him so you can work on your jeans.
Johnny doesnât need to be told twice, and you watch the way his muscles ripple under his skin as he hurries to get naked.Â
Heâd never actually taken off your bra, so you do that yourself. In moments, youâre both completely nude.
You stare at Johnny, taking in his cock.Â
Heâs rock-hard and huge. It makes you excited, but youâre also not sure how well youâll be able to take him. He must be at least seven or eight inches, and thick too, with a pretty mushroom tip thatâs already leaking precum.Â
He grins at your reaction. âThink you can handle this, sweet thing?â
âSomething tells me youâll make it fit.â
âYou got that right,â he laughs. âNow come sit on my face, wanna taste that pretty pussy.â
Thereâs something so suave about half-baked Johnny. He speaks with an almost melodic tone, itâs deep and sensual, and your pussy throbs just from the words coming out of his mouth.
As you crawl onto the bed, getting into position, his hands are careful against your form, helping you settle as you swing a thigh over his head, hovering your core over his mouth. Instead of waiting for you to sit down, Johnny lifts himself up a little, burying his face in your pussy before you can even touch his cock.
âFuck-â you whimper, grabbing the base of his length as he pushes his tongue deep inside of you, licking the length of your slit.Â
You would love nothing more than to enjoy his mouth on you for hours- but you have your own job to do, and youâre already drooling. You bring his mushroom tip to your lips, gently licking at him.
Johnnyâs large hands find your ass, and he squeezes you gently. âNo teasing,â he mumbles, and the vibration against your clit has you squirming down on his face.
You take him into your mouth, sucking on the tip and twirling your tongue. Johnny immediately releases a groan before diving back into your pussy. He grabs your hips pulling you down tighter against his face.
Itâs hard to know what to focus on. He feels so good with his mouth worshiping your pussy, but at the same time, youâre kind of obsessed with sucking his cock. Heâs so huge, and you want to see how much you can take. You sink further onto his length, feeling your lips stretch at the intrusion-
God, heâs going to absolutely wreck your pussy. You canât even fit half of him in your mouth before heâs hitting the back of your throat, and as you constrict around him, he releases lewd sounds of pleasure that have your core practically throbbing with need.
You pull off of him, if only to collect your saliva as lube so you can stroke what your mouth canât reach. Taking a breath and steadying yourself, you grind gently against his tongue, moaning loudly. Then you take him past your lips again, getting lost in the act of simultaneous giving and receiving.
Youâre lost in him, so lost that you donât even know how long youâve been in this position- but you can feel an orgasm bubbling in the pit of your stomach every time Johnny focuses on your clit.
You find yourself grinding harder against his face, and as the feeling builds, you canât help but pull off of his cock, gasping and moaning. âFuck, Johnny, Iâm gonna-â
âCum for me,â he groans, squeezing your ass as he kitten licks your clit. âDonât hold back. Cum on my face, sweet thing, give me everything.â
Youâre stroking his cock mindlessly, your muscles tensing as Johnny takes your clit into his mouth, sucking and licking-
âOh my God-â you whimper, toes curling-
Your orgasm washes over you like a wave. It tingles through every inch of your being, throbbing out from your core. You and Johnny both release groans of satisfaction, and the knowledge that heâs enjoying having you cum on his face only makes your pussy clench tighter.
Youâre practically riding his tongue now, chasing the last inklings of your high until youâre absolutely breathless.Â
Johnny presses one last kiss to your clit, and then heâs tapping your ass gently. âGonna roll onto your back and let me fuck you like the good girl you are?â
âGod, yes,â you groan. Your legs are shaky but you get off of Johnnyâs face, collapsing next to him.Â
âDamn, sweet thing, that was a good one, huh?â Johnny laughs, sitting up and stroking your thigh.
âSo good,â you whimper, still feeling the aftershocks.
Johnny gets between your legs, elbow pressing into the bed next to your head as he dips close to kiss your neck. âThe way you were grinding against my face was so fucking hot.â
âJohnny-â You wrap your legs around him, feeling absolutely desperate for his cock.
âYouâll have to be a little patient for me, sweet thing,â Johnny sighs, one large hand cupping your breast and teasing past your nipple. âIâve gotta stretch you out before you can take me.â
âWhat if I want you now?â
âLike I said,â his breath is hot against your throat, âyouâll have to be patient.â
âWhat if I want you to wreck me?â
Johnny laughs, pulling away to look at you. âYouâre not as innocent as you look, are you, angel?â
You trace your fingers along the fine line, black and white, Japanese Oni mask tattoo that sits on his chest between his defined pectoral muscles. âNot when it comes to you.âÂ
The plug simply grins at your words, his hand trailing down until it reaches your core. Two thick fingers prod at your opening, and you spread your legs even wider to accommodate him. He teasingly dips the first digit inside of you and you release a moan at how good it feels, but heâs quick to pull it out and circle your clit.
âYou know what you said earlier?â
He lets out a humming sound.
âAbout not teasing?â you correct. âIf youâre making me wait for you to prep me, you better not take your sweet time with it.â
âYouâll have to let me take my time with you next time then.â
âNext time?â You cock a brow.
âYeah,â Johnny ghosts his lips over your own. âNext time.â
âDeal, now finger fuck me open then give me your cock.â
âJesus, I love it when you talk dirty,â Johnny groans, dipping his finger into your core again. âTell me more.â
âYou just feel so fucking good,â you groan, swiveling your hips. âEven one finger- youâre just so big- Johnny, how are you so big?â
âYou havenât really experienced the Big yet,â John points out, adding a second digit that he scissors inside of you, stretching you out for him.
In response, you reach down and wrap your hand around his cock, pumping him gently. âIâm gonna feel you inside me for days after this.â
âEspecially if you let me fuck you tomorrow, and the day after- you could feel me forever if you wanted to.â
âForever, huh?â You let out a whimper as his digits work harder inside of you, crooking up to stroke your g spot with shocking precision.Â
âIâm still a little high, itâs making me⌠too honest.â
âI like honest,â you admit, cupping his face with your free hand, drawing his lips to yours. âI like you.â
âI like you too,â he whispers, kissing you deeper as he finger fucks you faster. âOkay, sweet thing, I think youâre just about ready for me- dripping all over my hand.â
âIâm ready,â you assure him, staring into those beautiful chocolate-brown eyes.
âShould I grab a condom?â
âAre you clean?â
âYeah. Contrary to popular belief, I donât fuck around that often. Iâm not a one-night stand kind of guy.â
You giggle. âIâve sort of noticed that.â
He kisses you again. âI can still grab a condom though.â
âNo, Iâm on birth control. I want you to fill me up with cock and cum until itâs all I can think about.â
âI can do that.â Johnny pulls his fingers out of your pussy, and before he can lick them clean, you grab his wrist and guide them to your own mouth. âFuck, youâre so fucking hot, angel.â
You groan around his digits, sucking them clean. When youâre done, Johnny grabs your jaw, drawing your lips to his so he can taste you, his tongue gliding against your own.Â
Youâve still got his cock in your hand, and you pump him gently, adjusting against the blanket to get closer to him so you can guide his tip toward your core.
Johnny takes the hint, and he breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours. His gaze dips to where your bodies meet, and he allows you most of the control as you drag his cock through your folds. âYou really want this?â
âJust fuck me, John. Please donât make me beg.â
He pushes forward, the tip of his cock sheathing in your tight core. âHoly shit,â Johnny groans.
âMore.âÂ
Johnny can only laugh, rubbing the tip of his nose against yours as he thrusts deeper into you. The two of you hold your breath as inch after inch stretches you open. Youâre so wet, and it makes the process easier, but you can still feel Johnny everywhere.
Youâre a wriggling, moaning mess by the time heâs fully inside of you.
Johnnyâs breath is hot against your skin, and his chest is rising and falling with effort, his bicep bulging next to your head. âYou good?â
âYeah,â you nod, swallowing thickly.
âCan I-â
âRail me. Break my back. Murder my pussy.â
Johnny laughs, pressing his lips to yours to shut you up as he begins to move his hips, pulling out only to thrust back in. You can feel your insides practically quivering with each drag of his length against your walls. Heâs so big, and youâre stretched to the brink- the vein along the underside of his cock is an added stimulus that has your toes curling already.
Youâll never be the same after this.
No oneâs cock is ever going to compare and you just know it.
Johnnyâs lips canât muffle the sounds of pleasure still escaping you, and you grab at his broad shoulders, tracing your nails against his skin.
Itâs so easy to get lost in Johnny. He makes you feel safe, and the pleasure heâs giving you has time flying by like nothing else. Johnnyâs mouth goes to your throat, teasing the spot that has you moaning even louder.
âCan I flip you over? Wanna see that ass.â
âDo anything you want with me,â you tell him, and you mean it.
With one last kiss, Johnny pulls out of you. His large hands find your hips. He manhandles you over, pulling your ass back and up so he can push into you again.Â
âFuck,â you groan, grabbing at the bed sheets. âYouâre even deeper like this-â
Each time his front meets your ass, the slapping sound turns you on even more. Heâs practically rearranging your guts like this, and you donât mind it one bit.
âDo you wanna rub your clit for me, sweet thing?â Johnny asks. âYouâre so fucking tight around me, and Iâm so sensitive when I smoke- not sure Iâll be able to last long, and I want you to cum with me. Wanna feel this pretty pussy all clenched and dripping-â
Every word has your body tingling, and you bring your fingers to your clit, rubbing in quick circles.Â
âJohnny-â you whimper.
âThatâs it, angel. You feel so fucking good- so fucking good for me.â He grabs fistfuls of your ass, squeezing in a way that has you crying out. âWhoâs my good girl?â
âMe!â
âWhoâs taking this cock so fucking good?â
âMe!âÂ
âFuck-â Johnny lets go of your ass, wrapping a hand around your throat. He helps lift you up until your back is curved, shoulders pressed to his chest. His lips find your neck, hand dipping down to grasp your breast roughly, pinching your nipple.
âIâm gonna-â
âI know, sweet thing, me too-â Heâs fucking into you like a god damned fuck machine, and each circle of your fingers on your clit has you closer and closer to the edge- âFuck, okay, Iâm there- shit, yeah, Iâm there- youâre gonna cum with me, right? Gonna cum on my cock and let me fill you up?â
All you can do is whimper, your body fulfilling his ask before your brain can even fully process it. Your core clamps down hard on his cock, and Johnny releases a deep groan in your ear. He holds you close, squeezing you as his thrusts get erratic.
You can feel him cumming deep inside of you, and youâve never felt this cock drunk in your life.Â
Nothing matters except Johnny and his huge cock filling you up to the brink. His lips are hot on your throat, and he fucks you through your highs, your pussy fluttering around him as wave upon wave of pleasure rocks through you.
As you both finish, he pushes himself fully inside of you. You can feel his cock throbbing, and his groans are music to your ears.Â
âHappy Valentineâs Day,â he whispers, letting out a soft laugh as he nuzzles against your cheek.
âHappy fucking Valentineâs Day,â you giggle, grabbing the hand on your breast and lifting it to your lips so you can kiss his palm.
He holds you for a few more moments, then he gently lowers you to the bed, cock still inside of you. âIâm gonna pull out,â he says, smoothing a hand over your ass. âYou donât mind if I watch it drip out of you for a second, right?â
âIâm just laying here,â you smile against the quilt.Â
Even so, it feels like a loss as he takes his cock out of your aching pussy. His hands are on your ass and he spreads your cheeks. âFuck, sweet thing. This is the prettiest view in the whole fucking world.â
When youâd texted Johnny earlier for a link-up, youâd never expected this. Never expected to see this softer side of him.Â
Youâre so fucking happy you reached out- he provided more than what youâd asked for.
âI busted a fat load in you, angel,â Johnny laughs, his thumb moving to rub your clit, causing you to whine and push back against him. âHow about we go for a shower. I can wash you up, eat you out some more-â
âDamn, Johnny, are you pussy drunk?â
âUh huh.â He leans over you, kissing up your spine and to your shoulder. âValentineâs Day isnât over yet, we should make the most out of it, right?â
You get the sneaking suspicion that youâre going to be making the most out of it with Johnny for many days to come, Valentineâs Day be damned. God. Your cousin is going to have a freak when she hears about this.
âď¸Â mlist + an. Thank you so much for reading! I know it's late by three days but this John still has me in the Valentine's Day spirit
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đŽ preview. âYouâll like this. You always like this. You love cumming on my cock. But you donât get my cum unless I get yours, thatâs the deal, right?â
cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, grinding on his thigh, hand job, oral (m receiving) blow job, he spits in y/nâs mouth, spit as lube, masturbation, y/n touches herself while blowing Johnny, fingering masturbation, y/n rides his cock, multiple reader orgasms, praise, gentle degradation, dirty talk, breast worship/tit sucking, etc⌠ I petnames. (hers) angel, sweet thing, good girl.
đšÂ rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 2.6k I teaser wc. 250
đ starring. Johnny x afab!Reader
bonus
Youâve gotten accustomed to your plug boyfriend. Youâd only been dating for a month when heâd officially asked you to be his, but you know the two of you were exclusive to each other since that very first night youâd fucked.Â
Being with John is pretty easy- but his odd work schedule can be a bit of a pain. He never knows how busy heâs going to be, so you can plan date nights, but sometimes he has to push it back a few hours to do unexpected late-night deliveries.
If youâd been cock drunk for him after the first time heâd fucked you, youâre even more dependent on him now.
No drug in the world could fill you up and give you the pleasure that Johnnyâs cock does, and youâve become a little impatient when you have to wait for him to complete deliveries⌠although, youâd never bring it up with him
You know being a plug is his job. Itâs what pays the bills and allows him to dote on you in ways youâd scarcely been able to imagine before meeting him.
Even so, you can feel your skin crawling, pussy practically aching with anticipation as he completes the last handful of orders for the night. Heâd initially wanted to be over at your place by seven, but itâs nearly ten now, and youâre three hours behind on the fuck marathon youâd planned.
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wish i never
pairing: Jaehyun x (f) reader
genre/warnings: smut, angst, debatable morals, unprotected sex, brotherâs worst enemy, forbidden love, markâs dad is a cop for the sake of plot, mentions of drugs and drug-related death
summary: Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.
word count: 27.2k (listen⌠i donât know anymore okay)
a/n: this one lowkey kinda hit different for me cause iâve had a forbidden love and it broke me. you can kinda tell by how long this is lol ya girl went all OUT. as always, feedback is appreciated!
âAbsolutely not.â
âDude, come on,â Mark whined.Â
âHell the fuck no,â Yuta barked firmly, crossing his arms. âThe last time we gave you shrooms, you texted Johnny to ask him where your phone was.â
âAnd?â
âYou texted him from your own phone,â Yuta deadpanned.Â
You snickered. Your best friend and drugs were an infamously egregious combination. Mark Lee sober was already full of shit, but Mark Lee high on whatever substance he could get his hands on? Indescribably bad. You couldnât think of a word to even explain it.
Mark gestured over to you. âBut you gave her drugs.â
Yuta grimaced. âFirst of all, donât say that too loud. Johnny will kill me. Second of all, she can actually handle her shit and what can I say? She's a loyal customer.â
You added, âPlus Iâm not doing fucking shrooms. Yuta just deals me weed. If Johnny ever found out I was doing anything else, he would have a fit.â
Mark huffed something under his breath about how shrooms were the softest of soft drugs there were, not that it wouldâve helped his case.Â
Your lips curled into a grin as you joked, âWhy donât you just chug Jenoâs notorious punch and call it a night? Thatâs what Iâm gonna do.âÂ
âIâve actually got plans with a chick whoâs been dying to chug my notorious punch. Iâll be back later. Save me a drink, dude,â Mark said, grinning from ear to ear at a text message on his screen. Probably from the aforementioned chick that was begging to blow him, or so he said.Â
You pretended to wince, but gave him a high five in celebration. âAye, aye, captain,â you chirped, saluting him.Â
After Mark made a break for the stairs, you abandoned Yuta to make a beeline for the drink bar. There was no such thing as a party with some of your boys without drugs and alcohol. Your brother was an overprotective nuisance, but even he knew it was impossible to keep you away from your shots and the occasional marijuana.
Plus it would've been hypocritical as all hell, so he let it slide. Not that you wanted to press your luck with something harder. On some nights you were a little drunk and a little high, and it brought out the worst in you. You were certain all of Johnny's friends kept blackmail worthy videos of you doing the unspeakable and you were content with never knowing what all those fuckers had on you. The embarrassment would be enough to kill.
You clocked one girl dry-heaving in the corner on the way and it was all the discouragement required to make you reach for a can of beer instead. To your surprise, it seemed like somebody had a similar plan, their hand coincidentally dropping on the same one.Â
"Oh, I'm sorry. You can have itâŚ," you trailed, glancing up to make eye contact with nobody less than the devil incarnate.
Ricky looked surprised to see you, though you werenât sure why. If Jeno was throwing a party, you were bound to be in attendance. âWhat up, baby? Long time no see.â
âRicky, you lost the right to call me that the second I caught you with your pants to your ankles in a closet with what's-her-face.â
More importantly, you were frankly surprised to see him there. Your stupid ex was many things, none good, and his audacity? It was out of control. Part of you wanted to commend him, because it took guts to show his face around your side of town after you yanked his trousers down in front of everyone and their mother.Â
And yet he took that retort in stride. âBaby, how many times do I have to tell you that Iâm sorry? It was a mistake and Iâll never make it again.â
âYouâre absolutely right,â you replied, bobbing your head in agreement. âYouâre a sorry motherfucker and youâll never make it again, because weâre done for good.â
But Ricky just couldnât take the hint that you were so fucking over anything that had to do with him and crept closer, continuing darkly, âDonât you know youâre nothing without me? Nothing!â
Having surrounded yourself with enough drunk and high people countless times, it was obvious that Ricky was under the influence, which made him extremely capricious. He looked a grand total of two seconds away from reaching out and seizing you by your arm.Â
Your eyes darted across the room for anybody you knew, but it was difficult when dancing bodies obscured them from your field of view. Yuta had probably wandered to snag more drug deals, Mark was getting his dick wet, and Johnny and Taeyong were nowhere to be found.Â
You were about to resign yourself to the fact that you were positively out of luck until you heard a deep baritone ask from beside you, âDo we have a problem over here?â
It took all of two seconds to recognize its owner. Jeong Jaehyun, sang the little chorus in your head. Your brotherâs worst enemy. The beef seemed more than a little one-sided, but you didnât ask questions. For whatever reason, the mere mention of Jaehyunâs name made your brother tense.Â
It was clear that Ricky was sizing Jaehyun up and he snapped with potent venom, âWho the fuck are you?â
âThe hostâs cousin,â Jaehyun said, looking tall and foreboding, as if he was daring somebody to challenge him. âAnd you are?â
âThe love of her life.â
You didnât know how he could confidently lie like that, though you wouldnât be surprised if he wholeheartedly believed it, which was downright terrifying. You learned the hard way that this boy was as self-centered as they came.Â
Jaehyun took one look at you, and the glaringly obvious discomfort on your face, and replied, "Yeah, I don't think she wants to be around you. If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here and never come back."
Ricky chuckled. "And if I don't?"
Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Fuck around and find out," was all he said. His lips were drawn into a line and his gaze was fixed to your ex's idiotic face with a lethal stare. Not to mention Jaehyun had a couple of inches on him, which made you resist a satisfied little grin.
Obviously, Ricky wanted to stay and claim you as his pretty property, but even the lack of inhibitions didnât hinder his judgment at that moment. Like any wise person would, he made a beeline for the closest exit. It was common sense that Jeno and his associates were not to be fucked with.Â
Your shoulders relaxed when Ricky was gone. If anything, he had gotten off easy. He was lucky that you had no clue where Johnny was. You were positive he wouldâve knocked the sense out of him, if he had any, which was debatable.Â
âInsufferable prick,â you grumbled under your breath. Then, you glanced up to Jaehyun, who, to your surprise, was already looking at you. âThanks, Jaehyun. I donât know what he wouldâve done if you werenât here.â
Jaehyun still looked a little pissed, but your words seemed to make him soften. âYou donât have to thank me for that. Itâs basic human decency.â
âAnd some people donât even have that,â you replied, intending for it to be a joke, but it came out a little more melancholy.Â
If Jaehyun noticed, he said nothing about it.
Before he could even if he wanted to, something stitched your brows together and you mentioned, âHey, I didnât know Jeno was your cousin.â
âMe, neither.â
It took a second for that to settle in, but once you finally understood, amusement broke the confusion tensing your face and your lips parted in laughter. Jaehyun joined you. His bold-faced little white lie saved your ass, but ironically, that wasnât what you were focused on.Â
It was those deep, adorable dimples on both of his cheeks that somehow made him even more handsome.Â
Instantly, something in you chided, Bitch, donât check him out. Heâs your brotherâs worst enemy. Youâre out of your goddamn mind if you think youâre getting laid tonight just because heâs playing nice.
âI should go,â you said after a minute, finally grabbing a beer. âThanks again. I really appreciate it.â
You escaped before Jaehyun could tell you not to thank him. His eyes were fixed to your back, following you until you were obscured completely by partygoers. He knew you were Johnnyâs sister, but damn, you were kinda cute.Â
At least for now, Jaehyun wouldnât play with fire. Johnny almost kicked his ass one time and he wasnât exactly keen on getting his ass handed to him.Â
You were half tempted to stop by Jenoâs room to check if any of the guys were passing a blunt around in there, but the last time your curiosity got the better of you, you accidentally walked in on Jeno shirtless with some half-naked girl. Not a sight you wanted to relive, so you kept downstairs.Â
Your eyes scanned the living room for any familiar faces, but it was difficult to tell if anybody was there. There was a gigantic crowd dancing to Kiss Me Thru The Phone and you chuckled at a certain memory of Mark drunk-singing along to the lyrics.Â
âThere you are,â came a familiar voice beside you. Your gaze flitted to Johnny, whose face was stitched with concern. âTaeyong told me that he saw you with Jaehyun. You good?â
âIâm fine,â you hollered over the music. âJust heartbroken that Mark abandoned me to get laid.â
Any other time, Johnny wouldâve laughed, but his lips were pressed into a solid line. âHave you had anything?â
You rolled your eyes and exhaled a breath. âJust the beer in my hand, Johnny.â
He studied your face, as if he was attempting to figure out whether or not you were telling the truth, but ultimately decided to believe you. âListen, I just wanna look out for you. Youâre my little sister. If anything were to happen to you...â
âMom and Dad would kill you and dump your body in the woods for bears to find. Yes, I know,â you groaned exasperatedly, cutting him off. âI get it, Johnny. But I need you to get that Iâm not a little girl anymore.â
âIf you were a little girl, you wouldnât be here and we wouldnât give you weed.â
That comment wasnât even worth a roll of your eyes. You took a sip of beer and ignored it.Â
âWhy were you around Jaehyun anyways?â Johnny asked. It was obviously the question he was itching to ask. Probably wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasnât making any advances.Â
The memory of your bastard ex getting uncomfortably close to you after reaching for a drink he clearly didnât need, raising his voice at you in a way no woman should ever accept, made you shudder. âRicky decided to try and win me back. If you can even call it that.â
Johnny immediately perked up in anger. âWhat?â
âRelax. Jaehyun already took care of him. Thatâs why he was there. Nothing more, nothing less.â
âI swear to god, Iâm gonna kill that son of a bitch,â Johnny hissed, looking a total of five seconds away from giving someone a piece of his mind.Â
âRicky, or Jaehyun?â
âDoes it matter?â
You shrugged. Your lips parted to ask why he hated Jaehyun in the first place, but you cut yourself off. There was a reason why you didnât ask him months ago. Johnny mightâve been overprotective, but that was because he was your brother and he loved you. When he was ready, he would tell you.Â
The night dragged on. This one was a little more boring than usual, but that couldâve been chalked up to you still being shaken up about your encounter with your ex. You almost considered what wouldâve happened had Jaehyun not been around to intervene, but your mind dared not wander there.Â
Part of you wanted to know where he was camping out at. Surely, he had to be around here somewhere, but you werenât going to look. Especially not with Johnny on high alert. He was being extra careful, wanting to be there in case your ex was crazy enough to return.
You listed what you knew about Jeong Jaehyun. For one, he was fine as hell. That was undeniable. Secondly, he was lowkey, which was why you essentially knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous.Â
Sure, he made an appearance at these parties every now and then, but most of the time he kept to a tight-knit circle of friends and if they werenât there, there was no way in hell he was coming. Sometimes his roommatesâ threw parties at their house, but he rarely went downstairs, preferring to linger in his room doing fuck knows what.Â
You honestly couldnât blame him. People sucked. Most of them, anyways.Â
Only one day later, you were gripping an overlook, peering down at little critters splashing in the lake from the bridge above. For a long time, there was nobody there to join you other than your little nonhuman friends. You liked coming here every now and then to clear your head. It was your safe place, your happy place.Â
The sky was cloudy but there was only a nine percent chance of rain this afternoon, thus you werenât too worried. You needed to go somewhere. Home was too isolating, but everywhere else was too open.Â
You could be happy here. There were no entitled assholes or overprotective brothers around to get on your nerves every five seconds. It was only you and the gifts of nature.Â
And somebody else.Â
âI thought that was you,â said somebody from your side.Â
Imagine your shock when you turned and saw Jeong Jaehyun jogging towards you. In the fucking flesh.Â
It was harder not to check him out this time. The man was practically drenched head to toe in sweat, his very exposed skin glistening with moisture. The shirt he was wearing hugged his chest and it was all you could do not to salivate.Â
Rather than continue to rake your eyes up his frame, you asked playfully, âAre you stalking me, Jeong Jaehyun?â
Jaehyunâs eyes twinkled with mirth. God, how come you never noticed how pretty and brown they were? âActually, Iâm surprised. I was cutting through here instead of my usual jog route. The weather looked pretty bad.â
You snickered, crossing your arms. âYou didnât check the forecast before you left the house? Itâs not gonna rain. Probably.â
Jaehyun furrowed a brow. âProbably?â
âThat guy on the news is an infamous liar,â you grumbled under your breath.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, coming closer to the railing where you were, but kept a safe distance between your bodies lest he made you uncomfortable. âI told you why Iâm here. What about you?â
Your nose got an instant waft of Jaehyunâs scent and it was godly, which was shocking considering he was literally sweating everywhere. âOh, you know. I come here from time to time to think, or to not think. Depending on what the situation calls for.â
âReally?â
You bobbed your head. âYeah. Why?â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNothing,â was what he said, but in reality, he was thinking about how he passed this bridge nearly every goddamn day and never knew if he took a detour, heâd potentially cross paths with a pretty little thing like you.Â
You lifted a brow, but didnât press.Â
âAre you⌠okay?â Jaehyun reluctantly asked.Â
You bobbed your head. âYup, Iâm alright. Itâs just that Ricky approaching me has Johnny on edge, so now whenever I go out he and his friends are watching me like a bunch of hawks.âÂ
Jaehyun winced. âDamn. That must suck.â
âI get heâs doing it from a place of love, but fuck, sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone, you know?â
Jaehyun nodded. God, did he know. And not only because he was an overwhelmingly introverted dude. âYeah, I know exactly what you mean.â
That caught your attention. âYou do?â
Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. âI mean, I donât have an overprotective brother, but I do have an overprotective mother. Itâs sweet and all, but do you know what it makes you look like when youâre on a date with a girl and your mom wonât stop calling you?â
Your lips couldnât help but curl into a grin. âAw, youâre a Mommaâs boy.â
âThis is exactly what I mean,â Jaehyun groaned.Â
âNo, itâs⌠cute,â you said, but it was impossible to control the giggles falling from your lips. âMost of the guys I know like that are sweethearts. Johnny, Mark. Maybe you.â
Jaehyun found that amusing. âYou think Iâm a sweetheart?â
You shrugged your shoulders. âMaybe. I donât know you well enough to decide, but seemingly, sure.â
âDo you want to?â
âDo I want to what?â
âKnow me better,â Jaehyun said, tentative. Almost as if he wasnât sure what he wanted.
That was the million dollar question. On the one hand, Jaehyun was cute and it most likely wouldnât hurt to spend a little time together, but on the other, there was the Johnny thing. You groaned. âGod, Johnny would have a heart attack if he knew I was with you right now. Maybe even an aneurysm.â
Jaehyun snickered with mischief. âWho said that he has to know?â
That response downright shocked you. You werenât expecting it from somebody like him, though then again, you knew virtually nothing about this boy and it only made you want to sate your curiosity. âOoh. Youâre trouble, Jeong Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun took that in stride. âIâm guessing you like that.â
Taking a step closer, you started to close the gap between you that Jaehyun had created for your sake. âHm, you know what they say.â
âI donât think I do.âÂ
âItâs always the quiet ones that deal the most damage,â you whispered sultrily, glancing into his gentle brown eyes.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered. That caught him off-guard.
Then, you backed away and waved him goodbye. âIâve gotta go. Later, Dimples.â
Dimples? That was new. Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised by the nickname and he was so stunned that it distracted him from his train of thoughts.Â
It was only when you were long gone that he realized that you never answered his question.Â
You needed time to think, to decide if Jaehyun was worth potentially losing your brotherâs trust. You didnât know why he hated him, but his less than enthusiastic reactions to him said more than enough. Jaehyun was cute, but you could easily find another cute guy whose bones your brother didnât mention crushing.
But damn, you were curious. And curiosity killed the cat. You knew one thing, though. You were starting to like Jeong Jaehyun.Â
You shook your head, ashamed of yourself. This is really whatâs itâs come to, huh?
Jaehyun thought about that exchange on the bridge every now and then for the next couple of days and chastised himself for even making moves on you of all people. Sheâs his baby sister, you asshole. Sheâs off-limits.Â
Not that it would really stop him, if you let him have you.Â
It wasnât like Johnny had to know. Jaehyun could keep a secret and he assumed that you had a handful of your own. People with strict upbringings tended to have a lot of practice with being sneaky and your situation was close enough.Â
He sat on his bed and heaved a breath, playing with a lighter.Â
Meanwhile, you were with your boys, listening to them chatter about disgusting boy things but lowkey too curious to abandon your spot on the sofa that was too comfortable for its own good. Nobody liked sleeping on sofas, but you swore you wouldnât mind on this one. Plus sometimes youâd gotten drunk here enough where you almost dozed off.Â
You made a gagging noise when Mark started to talk about his nth blowjob of the week. You werenât counting, but he definitely was.Â
âYour dick probably has so much chlamydia that itâll mutate into a different variant like Covid,â Haechan teased.Â
You grimaced, but you definitely agreed.Â
âYouâre one to talk,â Mark snapped.Â
Haechan nodded, grinning proudly. âOf course, I am. I always wear condoms and get tested regularly. Iâm clean as a whistle.â
You shook your head in amusement. âIâve never understood the saying âclean as a whistle.â Like arenât whistles actually contaminated from being in someoneâs mouth? Now, when you combine that logic with your dickâŚâ
Jeno burst into laughter. Yuta obviously found it funny from the smile on his face and Mark would never miss a chance to laugh at his friendâs expense.Â
Haechan dramatically rolled his eyes. âAnd what about you, little miss? How often do you get laid?â
âDefinitely not as often as you guys,â you replied, coming to a stand. Not that you wanted to kiss the sofa goodbye. âIâll be right back. Iâve gotta tinkle.â
Markâs nose wrinkled. âYou didnât think that was too much information?â
You almost threw the remote at your best friend, but spared him. There was no way this dude was talking about too much information when he was literally giving you all a play-by-play of his sex life.Â
âIf it burns when you pee, Mark gave you the airborne strand of chlamydia,â Yuta joked dryly.Â
You left too quickly to see Mark attempt to murder Yuta and it was a shame that you had to miss it. There was no doubt that Haechan would exaggerate the moment to make you regret not being there, but right now, you were concentrated on finding the bathroom.Â
And of course, it was when you finally made it upstairs through the groups of bodies that you realized you didnât know where it was.Â
You groaned, cursing yourself for being so forgetful. Youâd only been here a couple of times and never long enough to use the fucking bathroom, apparently. And you really couldnât fucking hold it.Â
You glanced around the set of doors upstairs, incapable of keeping still. Thank god nobody was here except for you. If I was a bathroom, which door would I be behind?
You set eyes on a random door and said, âFuck it.â You marched right up to it and knocked none too gently, seeping with impatience.Â
To your surprise, it was Jaehyun that opened the door, a pair of headphones slung around his neck. And behind him was a bed, not a toilet.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered with shock and he said your name. âWhat are you doing here?â
âOh, um, I was kinda looking for the bathroom. Iâm guessing this isnât it,â you said with a little humor, which was remarkable, all things considered. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI live here, baby.â
âOh.â You knew that, so the fact that it slipped your mind meant that you definitely werenât yourself when you had to pee.Â
Jaehyun had the audacity to laugh. He opened his door a little wider. âYou can use mine. Itâs that door over there.â
âThank you,â you said in relief, immediately darting for the bathroom.Â
You were even more relieved by the time you washed your hands and walked back into his bedroom, no longer fighting to keep still. Jaehyun was sitting on his bed where his headphones were now cast aside. God, how loud did you have to be knocking for him to hear you over those?
âYou sure were in a hurry,â Jaehyun teased.Â
You rolled your eyes, but a little laugh fell from your lips. You wholeheartedly blamed Jeno and his damn poisonous drinks. Sighing in relief, you glanced around Jaehyunâs room. For a boy, he was exceptionally tidy. He had vinyls organized on a shelf. âNo girls in here, I see.â
Jaehyun didnât know whether to be offended by that or not. âWhat do you think I am, a pimp?â
You snickered. âNah. Iâm just traumatized. Sue me.â
Jaehyun knew better than to ask questions that he didnât want to know the answers to, so he left it alone. âYou never answered my question the other day.â
âWhat question?â you asked. Obviously, you were playing dumb. You needed every second to think about what your response would be, although youâd had the past forty-eight hours and then some to contemplate.Â
Your damn brother was the only thing that stood between you and Jaehyun.Â
Johnny wasnât around this time for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell that heâd step foot in the house of his mortal enemy. He didnât want you to be there either, but you assured him that youâd steer clear of all things Jeong Jaehyun.Â
And it wasnât as if you had deliberately lied. It (kind of) wasnât your fault that you didnât know where the bathroom was.Â
âIf you wanted to get to know me better.â
You stepped over to his bed, sitting beside him and sighing. âJaehyun, you know my brother wonât approve.â
âI guess thatâs a ânoâ then,â Jaehyun muttered.Â
Your eyes glanced at his handsome face, then his beautiful, twinkling brown eyes, and finally his soft pink lips. And when they flitted so low, there was no looking back. You leaned in and pressed your lips to Jaehyunâs, waiting for him to kiss back, and when he did without hesitation your heart soared.Â
His hands flew to your back, eyes fluttering closed. God, he tasted as good as he smelled, and it was more than a little arousing. You made him fall against his mattress, straddling his hips and kissing him even deeper.
The change was welcome. His heart was racing just from locking lips with you and it took him to the sky. He grabbed a hold of your hips, which fit snugly in his palms, and listened to the soft sighs that slipped from your mouth in between the kisses.Â
Mark was probably downstairs wondering, Damn, bitch, how long does it take to piss?
You pulled back when a certain groan of his turned you on a little too much to be safe. Jaehyun was secretly disappointed, but he didnât complain, taking time to catch his breath. âIs that a maybe?â
You giggled and shook your head. âItâs a yes.â
Jaehyun sat up and grinned. He knew what he was getting himself into, but he didnât care. There was something about you that made him defy gravity.Â
Still straddling his hips, you threaded your fingers through his hair and leaned in to whisper into his ears, âWeâre playing with fire.â
âIronically, I thought the same thing,â Jaehyun deadpanned.Â
You chuckled. Well, if you didnât care, and he didnât care, nothing more needed to be said. You were really doing this.Â
Jaehyun realized that he already really liked holding you. You were warm and soft to the touch, and you fit perfectly in his arms. âHave you been drinking?â
âNope.â
âDid you do any drugs?â
âNot even a little,â you said, raising a brow at the question. Much to your chagrin, it reminded you of your brotherâs incessant worry. âWhy?â
Jaehyun said without hesitation, âBecause Iâve got weed.â
That was exciting. No wonder Jaehyun never came downstairs during his roommatesâ parties. The real party was in his bedroom. âGeez, Dimples. What are you waiting for?â
Jaehyun laughed at your enthusiasm and grabbed his lighter off his nightstand. You were flattered when he let you roll and even more when he praised your technique, which took years to develop. Thank god for your experienced friends.Â
The high had you hyper aware of everything. Jaehyunâs whole room smelled like him, to no surprise. As he said, he lived there, fuckâs sake. But it was pleasant and you were honestly forgetting that you even promised to return downstairs.
The guilt and pressure of keeping secrets from Johnny was heavy on your back a few moments ago, but after the marijuana settled in, you relaxed into Jaehyunâs side. He didnât seem to mind. Maybe it was the tree getting to his brain, but his hands got a little bolder, too.Â
And it also only enhanced your curiosity. âDo you do this often, Jaehyun?â
âYou mean invite girls into my room to talk and smoke?â
âYeah.â
Jaehyun took a drag and exhaled into the thick air of his room. âEh, not really. Iâve had girls in my room before, obviously, but it never really lasts.â
You werenât surprised. Any girl could see that Jaehyun was handsome as all fucking hell and you didnât expect him to be a total sexless loser. Matter of fact, if he told you that he was a virgin, you doubted that youâd even believe it.Â
âMaybe you havenât met the right girl then,â you suggested coyly.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. âMaybe.â
It was way too soon to ask if he thought you were the right girl, so instead you settled for asking where his interests lay. âWhat exactly are you looking for?â
Jaehyun knew the answer to that question in perfect detail because heâd thought about it countless times, being his typical hopeless romantic self. This was a boy that dreamed of finding his miss right before he went to bed. He was a simple guy. He wanted picket fences and kids. Perhaps a puppy.Â
But maybe it wasnât all too simple. Jaehyun wasnât searching for a housewife. He wanted someone to go to random old shops with and look at vintage items together. He wanted someone that didnât draw a lot of attention, but liked to go outside and explore. Money be damned. Thanks to his mother, he had ample cash, but no one to spend it on.Â
Jaehyun hummed, pretending to think about his answer. âGuess.â
You threw him a look. âAre you serious?â
Jaehyun bobbed his head eagerly, lips curling into a mischievous little grin. âIâll tell you, but I want you to guess first.âÂ
You sighed and glanced around his bedroom for clues, and fortunately enough, there were plenty. âVinyls from the nineties. Youâre an old soul and you want someone who fits your vibe. You smell like expensive cologne, so maybe you want someone to wine and dine, but you definitely want to be comfortable.â
Jaehyun said nothing, but you could tell that he was listening.Â
You looked at the pictures of him and an older woman framed on his nightstand and continued, âYou want the type of girl you can take home to your mother. And your mother wants the absolute best for her son, so she raised you to have high standards.â
âYouâre good at this,â Jaehyun muttered.Â
âIâm nowhere close to being finished,â you said, grinning from ear to ear. âJudging from the souvenirs on your shelf, you like going to different places, so you want someone curious and adventurous in nature. Appreciative and respectful of different peoples' cultures.â
Jaehyun was only smiling at this point. It was kind of funny and spooky being read like this.Â
âYouâve searched for love and havenât found something that feels right, so now you keep girls around for a good time, not a long one. And you love a damsel in distress, I think,â you said, concluding your investigation.Â
âWow,â was all Jaehyun said.Â
Though you already knew the answer, you pressed your lips into a smile and asked, âAm I warm?â
âYouâre on fire,â he replied, wondering how in the hell you got all that just from looking at his bedroom. âBut how did you know?â
âThat you love a damsel in distress?â
âThat Iâve looked for love and gave up on it.â
You almost rolled your eyes. You couldnât believe he was seriously asking that question. âNo offense, but you scream hopeless romantic. Plus youâre hot. You know your worth and what you want and I doubt itâs meaningless sex.â
Jaehyun had this melancholy look on his face for the briefest of seconds, but it disappeared so quickly you couldâve imagined it being there.Â
âI donât think you gave up, I think you took a little pause. You know sheâs out there, and when the timeâs right, youâll know.â Then, you abandoned the sadness and quipped, âBut youâre also a guy, and guys want sex.â
Jaehyun chuckled, but you had somehow penetrated his mind. You had part of him figured out and he didnât know what to do with that. It was too soon to get too deep.Â
You exhaled contentedly, but the marijuana had you thinking. You couldâve been wrong about Jaehyun. You had definitely been wrong before.Â
There was this tension in the room now that neither of you were equipped to handle. As standard when he was fooling around with a girl, there was a piece of him that wondered if it could be the real thing this time, but he didnât want to get ahead of himself.Â
It wouldnât have been the first time.Â
Jaehyun gave you back the blunt. âWhat about you - what are you looking for?â
âWho said I was looking?â you asked with obvious amusement.Â
That shattered Jaehyunâs former thoughts of possibly wifing you up one day. Of course you didnât intend on dating the dude your brother hated. It wouldâve been a very unconventional relationship. You could keep him around for fun, but it would have to end sooner or later.Â
So Jaehyun contentedly resigned himself to the fact that you would pass, just like all the other girls he brought up to his room, and decided he was fine with that. Maybe he had high standards, but youâd forgotten to mention the part that they came with moderate hopes and low expectations.
That way getting hurt was borderline impossible.Â
Then, Jaehyun started to grin like an idiot and reminded, âYou said that you think Iâm hot.â
âI literally said that ten hundred hours ago,â you groaned, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air.Â
You cried out in shock when he grabbed your hips and pulled you back onto him again, but instinctively leaned into his shoulder. Jaehyun was (usually) humble, but anyone who thought he didnât know he was hot was a fool. âAm I hot enough to kiss?â
Your lips tugged into a smile, and rather than directly answer his question, you went in for a kiss, holding the blunt away from his face so that he wouldnât get burned. Jaehyun effortlessly matched your rhythm and it was dumbfounding how he could be so excellent of a kisser.Â
You spent the better half of the night passing a blunt back and forth with Jaehyun, kissing and talking in between (featuring some inappropriate touches). Jaehyun was so fucking easy to talk to, the topics were boundless. Neither of you opened up much outside of your relationship goals and lack thereof, but you still got to know each other a little better.Â
Jaehyun loved music from r&b to jazz to soul, though you couldâve guessed how passionate he was after one look at his vinyl collection. He was flirty sometimes, but soft-spoken and very gentleman-like and he never once proposed for the two of you to have sex. Plus he was a bit of a goofball.Â
To say nothing of the fact that he could play the guitar. You didnât know why, but that somehow made him even more delightful.Â
It was pleasant to be in the presence of a guy that was simultaneously attractive and respectful.
Because it was far too late for you to drive yourself home when you finally started to get sleepy, he let you steal his bed and slept in the room of one of his roommateâs that was never home, according to Jaehyun.Â
Jungkook was what he said his name was. Apparently he basically lived full-time in his girlfriendâs apartment and Jaehyun didnât know why he still paid rent, but he didnât complain. It was going to be a sad day for his bank account when Jungkook finally moved out.Â
And that left Yugyeom. He was the one that threw all of the parties. You asked Jaehyun last night why he rarely came downstairs during those parties and his response was, âI donât like the attention.â
Morning had come loudly as ever. Birds chirped outside, singing sweetly. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned, unable to ignore the dark curtains that effectively kept the sunlight out.Â
The first thing you did was let a little light in. And the second thing was remember how you spent last night, memories of marijuana and laughter, and flirtatious behavior hitting you all at once. It seemed that Jeong Jaehyun was a promise of fun.Â
Grabbing your phone, you headed down the stairs and breathed a little in relief when you saw Jaehyun already awake, waiting by the toaster. âGood morning, Dimples.â
Jaehyun turned when he heard your voice and the smile that spread across his lips was instantaneous. âGood morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?â
âI shouldâve known that your bed would be as cool and collected as you are,â you quipped, rubbing your arms. It was colder without Jaehyunâs blankets to help strengthen the temperature.Â
Jaehyun shook with mirth and it was a sight you wanted to see more often.Â
âI couldâve slept on the sofa,â you said without complaint. âThe party was over by the time we called it a night and itâs the most comfortable sofa Iâve ever put my butt on.â
âIt goes against everything I believe in to let you sleep on a couch when thereâs a perfectly functional bed upstairs.â
âAw, what a gentleman,â you replied, coming to stand at his side. âI drew the curtains in your room open, by the way. I donât know how you live like a damn vampire.â
âWhatâs wrong with living like a vampire? Vampires are cool.â
âI donât think Vampires need Vitamin D. Humans do,â you retorted, arms crossed.Â
Jaehyunâs lips curved into a stupid little smile that reeked of mischief and you instantly knew where his thoughts were before he even said anything.Â
You rolled your eyes at his silliness and told him, âWhatever youâre about to say - donât.â
Bagels popped out of the toaster and the sight of food made Jaehyun forget about his previous shenanigans. He set both bagels on individual plates that already had food and said, âI made you something. Itâs not much because Iâve gotta go soon, but I didnât want you to be hungry.â
âThank you,â you said with gratitude, accepting the plate he handed to you. Plate in hand, you went to sit at the table, watching Jaehyun bring cups over.Â
âYouâre welcome,â Jaehyun told you gently. âNext time Iâll make you a real full-course meal as a treat.â
You gawked. âYou can cook?â
âA little bit, yeah. Why?â
âYou just got so much hotter,â you breathed.
Jaehyun grinned.Â
The time you spent together that morning was a duplicate of the night before except there were only the lingering overnight highs instead of the fresh ones. You were sad that you had to leave, but Jaehyun had to work and you needed to go home.Â
Sitting in your car, you checked your phone for the first time in hours. There had to be a thousand missed calls and unanswered messages from your friends and Johnny. Though it wasnât unusual for your phone to be on Do Not Disturb, it was definitely strange to not at least tell your loved ones that you were very much still alive.Â
You were just so hooked on Jaehyun that it completely slipped your mind to check your phone. There wasnât a dull moment upstairs in his bedroom and even when it was silent you were comforted by the sound of a vinyl playing quietly on his record player, which you were stunned that he even had.Â
You texted your friends to let them know that you were on the way home and called Johnny to get his usual tantrum out of the way before you got there, but it was safe to say that you werenât expecting to come back to Johnny and Mark waiting for you in the kitchen like two unhappy parents.Â
You reached into the cabinet to grab a glass and deadpanned, âUh oh. Am I in trouble?â
Mark snickered and he looked like mischief. âVery much so.â
Your gaze flitted towards Johnny, who was clearly the more disgruntled of the two, and asked, âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âYou look like you had a long night.â
âThatâs probably because I did.â
âDid you hook up with anyone?â
You grimaced. âGross, Johnny. Do I ask you who and what you do with your dick?â
Johnny gave you a look that told you he was serious.Â
âNo, I didnât hook up,â you replied, filling your glass with water and hoping to find a way out of this situation so that you could shower and brush your teeth.Â
Johnnyâs lips were tugged into a frown. This older brother responsibility was far from easy when his little sister made it even harder to check up on her. âI worry about you. Is that a crime?âÂ
You exhaled a long breath. âYouâre right. I should have at least let you know that I was okay and I didnât, and Iâm sorry. I just got⌠distracted.â
That got Markâs attention and he butted in dramatically, âWhere did you go last night? I was this close to filing a police report, but it hadnât been twenty-four hours.â
Typical cop father response. That was half the reason why nobody wanted to deal him drugs. Thank goodness he had you to vouch for him. âAnd what would you do if I was off with a serial killer instead of some hot guy?â
âI wouldnât be too worried. Youâre annoying. They would return you on the front doorstep with a note that said âcome get your bitch back.ââ
You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you noticed Johnny laugh a little and it honestly made you feel somewhat better. He had been painfully uptight lately and you just wanted him to chill for once.Â
âIâm gonna go take a shower and brush my teeth,â you announced, discarding your glass in the sink and heading for the stairs.Â
Of course, Mark had more insults on deck and didnât hesitate to ask, âYouâre gonna need more than that for all the cum you had to have gargled last night.â
âFor the last time, I did not hook up,â you huffed in exasperation, marching up the stairs. âAnd get the hell out of my house - you donât even live here!â
You could hear Mark laughing from the overlook.Â
A lot of time was spent counting down the hours until you could see Jeong Jaehyun again. You learned that he was not the type of guy to sit around waiting by his phone. This was a busy man with business to take care of and he didnât have a lot of spare time.Â
You didnât mind, because he spent it talking to you, which was definitely an indicator that he was starting to really like you. With so few hours in a week, let alone a day, it was hard to believe he let just anyone consume the little downtime that remained.Â
Jaehyun let you crash some nights at his place when your brother was being a massive thorn in your side. It wasnât a crime, but it was easy to get away with, all things considered. Yugyeom never bothered either of you and Jungkook was rarely there, so you spent most of the time talking incessantly and getting high.Â
Maybe some kisses were shared in between, but nothing more. Jaehyun was content with just getting to know you for now. His usual invitees consisted of one-night stands and girls he hung out with for a couple of weeks, but you were different. You made him think, high or not, and it was rare a girl penetrated his mind so deeply.
And so quickly. It had only been a month, maybe a little longer. He was still afraid of being completely open with you, but the way the two of you touched each other was starting to get riskier and riskier.Â
Kisses lasted longer. More than once, he caught himself going after your clothes, but he didnât want to seem like an animal. You did seem a little eager too, kissing the breath out of him and getting more and more flirtatious, but Jaehyun hated having to guess.Â
He wanted you to tell him what you wanted in no uncertain terms. No room for uncertainty.Â
Yugyeom knocked on Jaehyunâs bedroom door, which was already cracked ajar, and asked, âHey, is she coming over tonight?â
âYes, so please be on your best behavior. No bullshit,â Jaehyun replied, getting a whiff of the trouble that was Yugyeom and wrinkling his nose.Â
âHave you guys⌠you know?â
âThatâs a personal question.â
âSo you havenât.â Yugyeom pressed, âMan, when are you gonna tell her youâve got the hots for her? You know what, Iâll clear the house and leave a bottle of wine out. Light one of your expensive candles. Girls like that shit.â
Like hell Jaehyun needed advice on how to set the mood, from Yugyeom much less. Plus he was none too pleased at being interrupted, especially because now he was thinking about having sex with you and it was doing things to him down there. âI think I know what girls like.â
âThen whatâs the problem? And donât tell me that you havenât thought about it. Weâre both dudes, man. Thatâs bullshit.â
âThere isnât one,â Jaehyun replied to his roommate honestly. Of course, he had thought about having sex with you. He mightâve been respectful, but like Yugyeom said, he was still a dude. Hell, the words had come out of your own mouth.Â
Yugyeom prodded, âThen?â
âI just donât wanna rush into it.â
Now that Yugyeom could buy. Jaehyun was sentimental like that. When he really liked a girl, evaluating her worth took priority over getting laid. Jaehyun had this wall of ice put up that even Yugyeom had to steadily break through. Ironically, sometimes it felt like he was still on the outside.Â
But he put two and two together. If Jaehyun liked you - as in really, really liked you - then that made shit even more complicated. It was no secret that Johnny had it out for Jaehyun and he obviously came to the same conclusion that Jaehyun had; shit getting serious with you was dangerous.Â
So Yugyeom left it alone.Â
Like clockwork, you were pulling into Jaehyunâs driveway only a few hours later. You discerned that the lot was empty save for your car and Jaehyunâs which more than likely implied that the two of you would be completely alone in the house together.Â
Slipping the spare key from under the mat, you unlocked the door and sang after locking it behind yourself, âDarling, Iâm home!â
âIâm upstairs,â Jaehyun called out from the second floor, his room door obviously open for once. The benefits of having the house to himself.Â
You didnât hesitate to make your way upstairs, not failing to clock the bottle of expensive wine on the counter when you passed by the kitchen, but you thought little of it when you came through the hallway and slipped into Jaehyunâs comfortable bedroom. âHey, Dimples,â you greeted.Â
Jaehyun smiled at you and waved. His room was dimly lit. The overhead lights were turned off, but the candles on his nightstand were ablaze and there was an old school classic going on in the background.Â
The second you came in, Jaehyun set his book aside, giving you his undivided attention. âCome here.â
You wasted no time doing as told, advancing towards the bed and giggling when he snatched you into his open arms for a handful of kisses. Your whole body was soothed from his slightest of touches, at ease in his arms. Jaehyun had quickly become your second safe place.Â
God, you had been waiting for this moment all week. Johnny wasnât on your ass any more than usual, but it got lonely in that house and it was even worse when you found yourself only craving Jaehyunâs company. There was something happening to you and you couldnât tell if you liked it or not.Â
Jaehyun drew back after a minute, taking a moment to breathe and brush a loose strand of hair behind your ears. âThings okay at home?â
âNew topic,â you groaned.Â
Jaehyun winced. That couldnât have been too good.Â
âYou smell good,â you purred, breathing in his scent.Â
âYou always say that.â
âBecause you always smell good.âÂ
âI just got out of the shower.â
âWithout me?â
âYou sound like a guy,â Jaehyun said in disapproval.Â
You snickered. You had definitely gotten that comment from a boy before.
Jaehyunâs eyes were fixed to your face, taking in how beautiful you were. Damn, it was like every time he saw you, you looked even more breathtaking.Â
You couldnât help but stare back. Jaehyunâs visuals were out of this damn universe and it was borderline maddening he could be this fucking fine. But deeper than that, sometimes you couldnât help but stare into his dark eyes and wonder what all he was hiding back there.Â
It was plain as day that Jaehyun wasnât the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially not when his romantic feelings were involved. In the time that youâd spent together, you had gotten to learn some things about him, but there was plenty that he filtered out as a defense mechanism.Â
When you wanted to get closer, Jaehyun shut down, which was totally ironic, because he was the one that asked if you wanted to get to know him. Now you had to fight for it?
Maybe he meant get to know his body and you were oblivious - and you wouldnât have minded one bit - but if that was the case, you shouldâve already had sex and been out of the picture. Yet he was keeping you twice as long as most girls lasted and for no apparent reason.
Sex made things more complicated. If you had sex with Jaehyun right now, and it was good, there was absolutely no telling how that would shift the trajectory of your entire life. But the way he was looking at you right now tempted you to risk it all.Â
Your lips found Jaehyunâs again, but the kiss was different this time. It was needier, desperate. It sent heat stretching through every bone in your body and straight between your thighs, and you felt like you were levitating. Your body scorched with desire, hands running down his chest.Â
Jaehyun kept up with your reckless kissing very well, but he couldnât ignore the nature of it and it made him ask himself questions. You were kissing him like you wanted him. Tired of wondering, he pulled back and asked forthrightly, âDo you want to have sex with me?âÂ
âIsnât it obvious?â you countered, quickly seizing the opportunity to return your lips to his.
All of this beating around the bush was getting on his nerves and Jaehyun took matters into his own hands. Literally. You gasped when he pushed you onto your back, pinning you onto his bed, and locked your wrists above your head. âI want to hear you say it.â
Now that was sexy as hell and your thighs involuntarily pressed together. âI want to have sex with you.â
That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. He was quick to catch your lip in between his teeth and seal your lips in another heated kiss, taking in your every trembling exhale. You moaned into his mouth, a little too enamored with how good it felt beneath him.Â
His hands released your wrists in favor of your waist, testing the waters. You were reactive to Jaehyunâs touches, hyper aware of his hands steadily falling lower, but not daring to touch you too intimately yet. Like he was waiting for something to happen.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes sank to your empty neck and something deep in the pit of his gut was set on fire. âAre marks okay?â
Making quick work of his shirt and tossing it over his shoulders, you nodded your head. âYeah. Johnny will notice, but heâll never assume theyâre from you.âÂ
It took absolutely nothing else for Jaehyun to connect his lips to your throat hungrily, leaving mark after mark on your skin in an effort to stake his claim to you. And all it did was turn you on further. There was a thudding between your legs, arousal spilling over.Â
Little soft sighs and curses slipped from your lips and you could feel the bedroom get hotter and hotter. It wasnât as if you and Jaehyun had agreed to be exclusive, but you hadnât been with anyone else in the time that the two of you had been hanging out, meaning it had been over a month since youâd last had sex.Â
And it fucking showed. You were aching for more, on top of your natural desire for Jaehyun. If you didnât fuck his brains out right now you were going to self-destruct.
âJaehyun, fuck me,â you groaned impatiently.Â
Instead, he grinned, too fond of the neediness in your voice and on your pretty face. Jaehyun looked you plain in the eye and said, âI want you to beg.â
You were too gone to roll your eyes, but not too out of it to retort, âMake me.â
âIâm gonna make you beg, alright,â Jaehyun said without question. He made a move for your shorts and tugged them off your ankles, repeating the gesture with your panties.Â
The only thing that kept you from being totally naked was your top but Jaehyun didnât look too concerned with getting rid of it yet. Instead, he focused his undivided attention between your legs, entranced by your glistening core and his mouth going dry with the desire to have a taste.Â
You watched the enthrallment on his face with satisfaction. Funny how his ability to conceal his emotions went out the window when pussy was involved. His eyes were dark as ever and Jaehyunâs voice somehow got deeper when he asked, âWill you let me taste you?âÂ
âFuck,â you mumbled, sensing that he was about to wreck the living hell out of you. âUh, yeah. Yes.â
No room for uncertainty. Now that he had your consent, Jaehyun gathered your legs in his hands, tossed them over his broad shoulders, and went to town. You gasped aloud at the first pass of his tongue at your clit and it couldnât have been further from tentative.Â
Of course this man went straight for your sensitive bundle of nerves instead of your slick folds, he knew better. Given how exciting the thought of Jaehyun dicking you down had been, you were already throbbing, but now you were tense and unstill.
There was something about the feeling of his lips sucking and licking at your cunt that made you squirm and cry out in an overwhelming bolt of pleasure. Jaehyun clamped his big hands onto your thighs to keep you pliant, holding them right where he wanted them, and kept eating you out.Â
It made zero sense how hot you found every little thing that he did.Â
âJesus, fuck,â was basically all that you could say. With how vigorously Jaehyun was sucking at your bundle of nerves, it was getting borderline impossible to think.Â
Jaehyun sure didnât seem timid. Matter of fact, the way he refused to shy away from in between your pair of legs, doing everything in his power to keep them separated at both sides of his head, said loud and clear that he was a man on a mission to make you unravel.Â
Not to mention that he was doing a damn good job. Your ears were hardly even working, the whole world fading to static, the only audible sound being the incessant throb of your pulse quickening by the minute.Â
The sheer opposite was true for Jaehyun. His ears were on full alert and he could hear everything from the increasing volume and speed of your breaths plus your soft moans to the gentle rustling of the trees' leaves outside his open window.Â
Jaehyun peered up at you, noticed the euphoria tensing your beautiful features, and his lips broke into a wide grin. âHow are you doing up there?â
No words would come. It took twice as long to even process the ones that left his mouth. Your eyes were drooping and misty, damp with moisture, and all that escaped you was a befuddled, âFuck.â
Jaehyun snickered. That was answer enough. âIt sounds to me like youâre having a fun time,â he started. âDo you want to cum?â
You obviously heard that and hissed, âDonât ask stupid questions.âÂ
âIf you want to cum, then beg me for it,â Jaehyun growled darkly. You appreciated the brief lull of peace, but of fucking course, it was that moment Jaehyun chose to press a long pair of fingers into your dripping pussy.
Your back arched and your soft cries filled the air. It felt like somebody had given Jaehyun the blueprints to your body with how he excelled at satisfying you in ways literally nobody had previously.Â
The answer was obvious. Jaehyun wanted you to beg? Fuck it. You would beg.Â
âPlease,â you said, your voice raising a few pitches. âOh, god. Please make me cum, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun didnât make a sound but you could feel his mouth on your cunt again and knew that he was about to take you there. Â
And then it came. The mind-numbing orgasm engulfed you in its fury and you were scarred with burns from head to toe, most of it pivoting towards your core.Â
Your hands desperately grasped locks of Jaehyunâs soft fluffy hair in an attempt to anchor yourself and you didnât release him from your clutches until every tremble faded. Jaehyun got so aroused watching you shudder with release that he swore his own mind went blank.Â
It took a good minute and a half at the least for your mind to start to clear itself and you sighed pleasantly as the wrath of your orgasm slowly began to die out. You peered down at Jaehyun, blinking a couple of times, and slackened your grip when you realized how tightly your hands were latched to him.
Jaehyun didnât seem to mind, contentedly watching you try to gather your bearings. âAre you back to earth?â
âBarely,â you rasped, still unable to feel your thighs.Â
âDo you want to stop?â
You gawked. âAre you kidding? I still wanna fuck you. If you still wanna fuck me.â
âI still want to fuck you,â Jaehyun said, pulling you in for another hot but reassuring kiss. It was hard to breathe, but so worth it. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and tasted yourself on his.Â
Kissing you made Jaehyun feel like he was ascending, but right now it also made his dick ascend and his patience was steadily dissipating into thin air. You could feel his hard-on against your naked thigh and it sent shock waves to your brain.Â
I think thatâs the best head Iâve ever had, you admitted to yourself, but not aloud. Your dating history wasnât top secret but you spoke little of it to Jaehyun. Did it matter that all of your exes were scumbags and rarely bothered to get you off?
Except for one. The sex was good, but it wasnât a fair trade-off for your heart. No man nor his cock was worth your sanity and you told that to yourself every time you engaged with one.Â
Plus you just got this weird feeling where nothing or nobody else mattered when you and Jaehyun were alone together. You didnât think of the various roots of the stresses in your life and calmness was finally an option.Â
You didnât want to ruin that, so you didnât get too deep.Â
But you were hoping Jaehyun was packing enough to be deep inside of you. Fuck that, you had felt it against your thigh. You knew that he was and it was exciting.Â
Your voice was weighed down by the thickness of your breaths. âDo you have condoms?â
âAlways,â Jaehyun replied, pulling a drawer open on his nightstand to retrieve one.
That was a relief. You had never done it raw before and though you liked Jaehyun, you werenât sure where his dick had been and what all it had seen. Youâd rather be safe.
Jaehyun gently pushed you back onto the mattress and crawled over you, drawing the condom between his teeth while he tossed your shirt and bra halfway across his bedroom, then whispered, âTell me how you want it.â
âHard and deep. Deep and hard,â you confessed sultrily, looking him dead in the eye.Â
Jaehyun smirked. âThat can be arranged.â
You watched Jaehyun shuffle out of his pants and put the condom on, but the bulk of your attention was set on that thick, girthy cock. Your mouth was watering. Maybe some other time you could suck him off, but right now getting it between your thighs was all you wanted.Â
It didnât seem as if he glanced up, but Jaehyun said, âYouâre staring.â
âSorry.â
âNo, youâre not,â Jaehyun said.Â
You giggled. âNo, Iâm not.â
The sound faded when you spread your legs apart invitingly and he penetrated you at an excruciatingly slow pace, sinking deeper inch by fucking inch.Â
You and Jaehyun made a sound in harmony when he finally filled you to the hilt, grasping your waist and using it as anchor like he was at risk of going dangerously deep if he made one wrong move and never returning to the surface.Â
Good thing it was only the two of you. You, keeping quiet when he was this good with his hands and presumably even better with his thick cock? There was no way in hell.Â
âOh my godâŚ,â you whispered, obsessed with the sensation of being filled.Â
Whatever you were thinking right now, Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. You made his brain grind to a halt and stutter. âDoes that feel okay?â
âMore than okay,â you told him, because it was the truth. Somehow the pleasure was only spiking. The ecstasy continued to build.Â
You looked so beautiful beneath the golden-yellow hue of his lamplight and Jaehyun knew he would be fantasizing about how your face tensed with pleasure for weeks, if not months.
Jaehyun especially liked the way you were tightening around his cock, gripping it for dear life as if letting go simply wasnât an option. You wound your legs around his hips and helped draw him into yours in spite of knowing it could ruin you, a telltale sign that your desire for more outweighed any rational thinking.Â
It just felt so good that it had to be illegal and though you knew that it wasnât, it was damn near close.Â
There was still music playing from the vinyl player in the background that soothed any and all nerves that you couldâve ever had. You took a moment and inhaled deeply, breathing in the musk of Jaehyun and the scent of the candles.Â
Your eyes fluttered closed. It was ironic that you were on a raging high even though you hadnât even gotten around to having your usual fill of marijuana. In legal terms, you were far from inebriated. But according to yourself? You were fiending for Jaehyun and found him lethally intoxicating.Â
His weight on top of you. His deep, guttural grunts in your ear between his jagged breaths. His perfect thrusts and the way he stroked you exactly how you wanted, all the while reaping his pleasure from your body.Â
It was fucking mind-blowing.Â
Jaehyun had a similar thought and it tore a noise out of him. His intentions in inviting you over tonight werenât to have sex, in spite of his roommateâs attempts at getting him to get laid when he was only trying to break you in, but it was an unregrettable decision.Â
âYou take it so good, baby,â Jaehyun said tenderly, but it barely scratched the tip of the iceberg of praises he had in storage especially for you.Â
Fuck, you wanted to hate how easy it was for him to kindle these rash flames inside of you, but your attraction to Jaehyun became undeniable the second you initiated the first rendezvous.Â
You were peering into Jaehyunâs soul, searching his whole face without knowing what you were looking for, and saw the euphoria fluttering his eyes closed and spreading his lips apart just enough for those heavenly sounds to slip through.Â
You guessed you found it then, because the tightening in the pit of your gut was at an all-time high and it wasnât skipping out on the extremes.Â
Combing your hands through his hair, you whimpered, âIâm so close.â
Jaehyun accelerated his pace, wanting to take you to the ends of the earth and back. You noticed, because you could feel his hard dick slapping against your hips with a purpose, and you swore to god your eyes rolled somewhere black.Â
The end was creeping up on you from behind. You could feel it. Jaehyun could feel it himself, the telltale twitch of his cock indicating that he was pushing his limits.Â
âI want you to cum,â Jaehyun growled in no uncertain terms, his tone dominant. âNice and hard. Can you do that for me, baby?â
âYes,â you choked out.Â
If you were being frank, he didnât even have to ask. It was impossible to hide the evidence of your impending orgasm, the heightened tremors in your voice and the shakiness in your body were more than enough proof.Â
All you could think about was how restlessly you were going after this orgasm and how terribly you needed it like it would fix every little thing going wrong in your life.
Your hands slipped from Jaehyunâs hair to his shoulders to finally his back, raking your nails down the flesh in a set of ministrations that were bound to leave red lines, and you rasped breathlessly, âFinish me.â
The hoarseness of your voice alone couldâve broken Jaehyun but he hung on for your sake, fingertips flitting to your sensitive, swollen clit again because he knew he wouldnât last very much longer.Â
You were even more restless than before and it wasnât long until Jaehyun granted your wish, your lips parting in a scream and your vision going totally black. Your toes curled into tight bends as you grinded your hips into Jaehyun, milking your release for every damn dime.
Jaehyun could feel you clenching rapidly and repeatedly around his cock and merely seconds after that it was game over. He came with the deepest, sexiest groan you had ever heard before in your life, hips stuttering as his cum filled the condom, and all you could think about was how this could not be a one-time thing.Â
The next few minutes were a blur. You only recalled Jaehyun peeling off you to dispose of the condom, the layers of sweat on your naked bodies keeping you connected, and returning to your side briefly.Â
Jaehyun scanned you for any signs of obvious discomfort. âAre you okay?â
Your mouth was hanging open, aggressive pants falling from your lips, but Jaehyunâs attention was no longer focused on your heaving chest - it was on you. âNo, more like incredible.â
That had Jaehyun in the first half, but he snickered in amusement and relief when you wrapped up your sentence. âDo you wanna shower with me?â
âThatâs kinda intimate,â you said, as if that was actually going to stop you. âHell yeah, I do.â
Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile plain as day on his face. You cried out in surprise when he hauled you into his burly arms, hooking one of them under your knees, and carried you into his bathroom.Â
Your own individual toothbrush was in there on the sink counter squarely beside Jaehyunâs. It was only right that he let you keep one there, given how many late Friday nights you spent at his house instead of your own.Â
Plus some of your clothes were there, tucked into his drawers, but when you returned to his bedroom, you donned one of his shirts that was unsurprisingly oversized on you.Â
You sat on Jaehyunâs bed, memories of what youâd just done on his sheets still fresh, and watched him rifling through his vinyl catalog, but because he was shirtless you quickly got distracted by the view you had of his back.Â
At least until he turned around after setting the vinyl on his record player, apparently oblivious, and coming to sit at your side.Â
There was mischief on your face and you were struggling to stifle a giggle. It was obvious, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âOh, nothing.â
Jaehyun didnât believe you at all, but he didnât press.Â
You sighed contentedly, leaning into his naked chest. The little voice in your brain was thinking about how he smelled so clean and fresh, and good. Well, duh, she snapped. If you somehow werenât paying attention, he just got out of the shower.Â
But you were definitely paying attention, maybe a little more than you shouldâve. It wasnât your fault he looked like the leading role of every romance book ever. This was a man out of every little girlsâ childhood dreams and, more importantly, every grown womanâs wet ones.Â
As Jaehyun held you in his arms, you couldnât help but think, spotting little items in his room that screamed, I come from money. âJaehyun, is it okay if I ask you a question?â
Jaehyun hummed. You figured he mightâve been close to dozing off, but in reality, he was just captivated by the smell of your hair and hoping it lingered on his pillows.Â
âYouâre pretty well-off, but you live with two other guys. Youâre technically always alone, but you donât live alone. Why?â
Now that wasnât what Jaehyun was expecting you to ask him, but you were full of surprises. He took a moment to ponder his answer, finding himself reflecting. âItâs because of how I grew up, I guess. I was the only child, so it was just me and my parents in the house. I guess I kind of wanted to know what it's like to have brothers.â
You made a noise of content. âYouâre close then.â
âYup.âÂ
You could feel Jaehyun playing with your hair and it made you smile gently.
âWhat about you and your friends?â
âWhat about them?â
âWhatâs the relationship like? Have you fucked Mark?â
You were taken aback, though rather than be affronted, the ridiculousness of that question made you laugh. âNo way. I prefer my vagina itch-free,â you quipped.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. It was a shock that that kid got around town the way he did, but that was why Jaehyun had to respect the hustle.Â
Then, out of nowhere, you got a little sober. âOn a serious note, Mark is my bestie and heâs what I imagine having a little brother is like. Johnny really likes him too, so sometimes Iâll walk in on them hanging out without me.â
You didnât notice the way Jaehyunâs head bobbed along, but he was listening. It was believable. Mark was a social butterfly and impossible to dislike, no matter how irritating.Â
And he was only irritating to some. Those who didnât find him to be a thorn in their side probably wanted him a number of inches deep in their guts.Â
You continued, âYuta is more Johnnyâs friend than he is mine, but heâs laidback. Haechan is a little shit but heâs funny as fuck. And you know Jeno is chaotic as ever.â
You were fond of your circles of friends. Most folks assumed it mustâve been suffocating to be the only girl amongst a group of insufferable horny dudes, but it wasnât half bad. Jeno had tried to get into your pants before, but when you turned him down he took the rejection coolly.Â
Mark, like you said, was like a sibling to you and that went both ways. When somebody suggested the two of you hook up, his knee-jerk reaction was to hiss, âEw!â
Haechan was a slut like all of them but he knew better than to slut himself out to you and Yuta, though you already couldnât have been further from his type, was one of your older brotherâs closest friends. According to Yuta himself, the thought of being in a relationship with you was hilarious.Â
Never mind the fact that he admitted heâd actually do it, but strictly for fun. Pissing off Johnny was his full-time job and dating his younger sister? It wouldâve been the easiest way.Â
You and Jaehyun chatted until you couldnât ignore each otherâs incessant yawns and made the mutual agreement to crawl under the sheets together. A rare Jungkook appearance one weekend forced you into bed with each other and ever since that was how youâd slept.Â
Side by side, skin to skin.Â
The sun was brighter than ever when you woke up some hours later. You noticed that the curtains were open. And they had been since you likened Jaehyun to a vampire.
Speaking of Jaehyun, he was still sleeping like a rock beside you, completely still other than the gentle heave of his chest as he snored quietly. You crawled gingerly out of bed so as not to disturb his rest, the sight of him still asleep when you stood making you sigh out in relief.Â
After a quick wash-up in the bathroom, you headed downstairs for a snack. Your stomach was rumbling and you realized that you hadnât eaten since you left home.Â
What you didnât expect was to see Yugyeom half-naked in the kitchen though.Â
You werenât sure why. It was his house and if he wanted to walk around like he just went skinny dipping, then he had that right. Fortunately, he was wearing sweatpants, so you were spared from that unsightly picture.Â
Yugyeom heard your footsteps and turned. âOh, hey. Sleep good?â
âI only slept for a few hours,â you confessed, though you felt like you were quite well-rested. âBut yeah, I slept pretty good.â
Yugyeom chuckled. âI bet.â
You said nothing else. Yugyeom wasnât a total stranger, even before you started crashing at his house, but you werenât close by any means.Â
âI didnât think youâd be here,â you said after a pause, straddling a barstool.Â
âI mean, I do live here. Who do you think pays most of the bills?â
âJaehyun,â you chirped.Â
âOkay, thatâs fair. Who do you think pays the second most of the bills?â
âYou and Jungkook, but it wasnât always that way.â
Yugyeom threw in the towel, realizing Jaehyun had most definitely had this discussion with you at some point. Then, he started to laugh. Jaehyun was discussing their finances with you? There was no way in living hell.Â
Iâll be damned. Yugyeomed sighed in amusement. âYou know, youâre the first girl Iâve seen last this long with Jaehyun.â
âOh?â
âIâm not saying heâs a player, but I thought Iâd stop seeing you around here, like, two weeks ago. For a girl to survive a month with him, she has to really crank up his brain. And Jaehyun isnât easily impressed,â Yugyeom said.Â
It was obvious what he was implying and you knew exactly where this was heading. âIâm sure, but Jaehyun and I are just vibing.â
âI didnât say that you werenât.â
âYes, but you think that we arenât,â you replied, rubbing your arms. It was always cold the mornings after.Â
Yugyeom laughed. âNo, I donât. Not right now. I didn't even crack Jaehyun that soon. All Iâm saying is Jaehyun is a real gem and I think that you have a solid chance.â
âAnd you want me to take it?â
Yugyeom was strategically bouncing around, going from subtly planting ideas in your head to making them seem as if they were your own. âWhatever you do with that information is out of my hands and none of my business.â
Your lips parted to speak, but you were fortunately saved by the bell. Footsteps were heard from the hall and Jaehyun emerged from around the corner, voice deep from sleep, âWhat are you two talking about?â
Yugyeom lied without hesitation, âHow handsome you are, of course.â
Jaehyun didnât believe it for a second, but he stole the barstool beside you and gently nudged your elbow. âYou think Iâm handsome?â
âOh, the handsomest,â you deadpanned, but rested your head onto his shoulder.Â
Jaehyun let you. At least for a little while, but then he pulled you into his chest and mumbled groggily, âYou left me.â
âIâm sorry,â you whispered, your hands tangled into his dark hair. âIâll stay next time.â
âGood.â
Yugyeom was peering into the fridge, shaking his head, wondering if he was the only one that saw your fate.Â
The whole weekend was spent in Jaehyunâs arms, restless. If you werenât getting high on marijuana and chatting about whatever came to mind, you were dancing to one of his vinyls. If you werenât kissing each other breathless, you were fucking each other senseless.Â
It was two days of whimsical fun, ignoring the world and its insignificant little woes. In many ways, Jaehyun was like your oasis.
You were starting to hate Mondays. They were the days where you realized that nothing was forever, every time without fail. The days you had to finally face the world after a weekend of neglecting its existence.Â
Plus you didnât get a lot of Jaehyun during the other five days of the week, and though you understood your conflicting schedules, it was getting less and less easy to cope.Â
Finals week thankfully gave you less time to think about whatever the hell was blossoming between you and Jaehyun. You didnât want to think about it, because you were well aware that it wouldnât last. As perfectly as Jaehyun molded into you, there was no piece of him that fit the bigger picture.Â
But of course, you were pacing down your schoolâs courtyard with a bag slung over your shoulder when you noticed Markâs footsteps catching up to you. âWanna tell me why Johnny asked me if youâve been going out with somebody lately?â he asked.
You pretended to be oblivious, keeping your head straight and your steps quick. âWhy would he ask you that?â
âBecause Iâm your best friend and you tell me everything, or so I thought,â Mark hissed.
You groaned, weighing your options. You could keep this private love affair to yourself and let the guilt and pressure split you down the middle, or you could confide in your best friend and hope it took the edge off.Â
Pulling Mark behind a tree and scanning your surroundings for unwanted bystanders, you exhaled roughly and said, âDonât freak out, but I may or may not be sleeping with Jeong Jaehyun on the weekends.â
Mark was understandably dumbfounded by that information and screeched aloud, âWhat the fuck, dude?â
âI just said donât freak out!â
Mark shook his head, the total opposite of cool and collected. There was no way in hell he wasnât going to freak out. âAre you kidding? Johnny literally wants to kill him.â
âGod, I know,â you bemoaned, pressing a palm to your forehead. This whole situation combined with the stress of finals was giving you a splitting headache.Â
The shock was still evident on Markâs face, but he seemed to be cooling off. âShit, dude. This is crazy. Is the sex at least good?â
Your mind was fluttering with memories and it was hard to resist a smile. Getting laid right now would probably fix you. âJeong Jaehyun may be a scoundrel for whatever reason, but I can reassure you he is not lacking in the sex department.â
Or any department. It was strange that in the weeks the two of you had spent bonding and the like, you had yet to identify a single red flag of Jaehyunâs. Apparently, the weirdest thing about this boy was the amount of pictures he kept of his toes.Â
âOh my god,â Mark gasped.Â
âWhat?â
âThat night you went upstairs to pee and didnât come back,â Mark started, finally connecting the dots and displeased he hadnât seen the hints earlier. âYou were off screwing Jaehyun, werenât you?â
âActually, no. I was with him, yes, but we werenât hooking up then.â
Mark was baffled to very fucking his core. That had to be half a decade ago. This whole time, you were spending your spare time on Jaehyun and nobody knew?
Gripping Mark by the shoulders, you stared into his eyes and said sternly, âListen. You canât tell Johnny.â
Your best friend made a face of disapproval, but nodded his head. âAlright. Fine.â
âIâm serious. You have to promise.â
Mark groaned, âDude, Iâm not gonna tell Johnny that youâre fucking Jaehyun. No matter how bizarre and borderline batshit insane that is to say aloud. I promise your secret is safe with me.â
You released his shoulders and a shaky breath, relenting. âOkay.â
âBut that doesnât mean that I approve.â
âUnderstandable. I can live with that.â
âI donât see how,â Mark grumbled under his breath.Â
You frowned.Â
Months flew by. Christmas and News Year were a blur, two events you and Jaehyun spent at separate locations. Your parents were rarely home, but the winter holidays were a period of time that they always made sure to be around for. And Jaehyun paid his family a visit that week.Â
But then it was February, and the national holiday that was Jaehyunâs birthday came of nowhere.Â
âNo way you were born on Valentineâs day,â you remembered telling him a few months back after asking him about his birthday. Jaehyun had groaned, more than accustomed to how this conversation played out. This was far from his first rodeo.Â
Though it was rare that a girl made it to actually celebrate his birthday with him.Â
Idiotically, you found yourself scorching with nerves that afternoon, overwhelmingly anxious. Your whole body was tense and you paced around your room antsily for hours until it was time to get in your car and head out to Jaehyunâs house.Â
You had gotten him a gift and you werenât sure whether he would like it or not. Then again, you had spent weeks planning what you would give him based on every second of every little conversation youâd shared and you were half confident, half uncertain.Â
Jungkook opened the door to leave at the same moment you were preparing yourself to go inside, most likely heading to his girlfriendâs place after spending the morning celebrating his friendâs birthday, and held the door open for you. âUh, do you need a minute?â
âNo. Thank you,â you replied bashfully, catching the door and finally turning inside.Â
You took one more deep breath and paced upstairs while gripping the box in your hands so tightly it mightâve broken.Â
Jaehyun was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his hands instead of standing upright in the corner of his bedroom as typical, and glanced up when he heard your footsteps. âHi.â
âHi, birthday boy,â you greeted.Â
Jaehyun was smiling. You had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight on the dot which was a sweet gesture in itself.Â
âI, uh, got you something,â you said, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so nervous.Â
âI can see that.â Jaehyun set his guitar aside. There was curiosity in his stare, but he whispered, âYou didnât have to.â
âBut I wanted to. Youâre my⌠friend,â you told him awkwardly, handing over the gift before it made you say something stupid. âI didnât know what to get a guy who has literally everything he wants, but I tried.â
Jaehyun accepted the gift box graciously, peeling off the wrap, and said, âWhatever you got me is more than enough, baby.â
You sure hoped so. You didnât spend the past few weeks stressing over this very moment for nothing. You wanted to give him something thoughtful and memorable.Â
Anticipation made your heart sound like thunder. You fidgeted, twiddling your thumbs as Jaehyun slowly opened the box, retrieving a guitar strap alongside a couple of other items. The awe that tensed Jaehyunâs features was authentic and your heart was taut with giddiness when his lips tugged into a beaming smile.Â
A few words scribbled onto the guitar strap caught Jaehyunâs attention and he unhesitatingly pulled them closer to his face to get a better look. It was like a little note, but words only you would say. Play me till the end.Â
âWow,â Jaehyun whispered, feeling a thumping inside of his ribcage. âYou⌠I literally mentioned that I wanted one of these in passing.â
âWhen you talk, I listen.â
Jaehyunâs eyes met yours. âThank you.â
âYouâre welcome,â you murmured, straddling his lap and tossing your arms around his neck. âHappy birthday, baby.â
Jaehyun set his hands at your hips and kissed you restlessly, restraint taking the backseat as he absorbed every bit of your warmth and used it to fuel his fire. Your lips took him to the other side but your hands kept him grounded.Â
Things felt different now. Kissing Jaehyun had never not been spellbinding, but right now? The feeling in your chest was indescribably hot.Â
But it was dangerous and terrifying. It defied everything you told yourself to be true, and every principle you had laid out. This was deeper than building a relationship with the enemy. It was the intimacy that accompanied trusting another guy with your heart, and fighting the unshakable doubts.Â
You had built something of a friendship with Jaehyun. Friends that occasionally kissed and felt each other up and had hooked up more than once.Â
But what if you wanted more? What if you were really two star-crossed lovers that couldnât have each other? What if?
Jaehyun wondered if your feelings had gotten as tense as his were. Months ago, he was telling himself not to get too close to you because of who your brother was and your clear lack of romantic intentions, but no amount of walls he put up couldâve prevented his feelings from getting this deep.Â
You wouldnât tell him even if they had. What good would it have done for him to know that you loved him, but you couldnât have him?Â
When Jaehyun pulled back, he stared into your eyes, not at your lips. âLetâs go make hot cocoa,â he said after a pause.
You blinked in surprise, but Jaehyun was already tugging you along before you could even think.Â
The time in the kitchen together was a beautiful mess. You liked randomly bursting out into song and Jaehyun liked dancing, which ultimately turned into him tenderly cradling you there in his arms and mumbling into your ear, the hot cocoa all but forgotten.Â
You especially liked the toasty smell of a hot, creamy mug of hot chocolate. It was very Jaehyun-like. The winter seasons in general were reminiscent of his personality, not because he was cold (like some people assumed), but the sheer opposite.Â
Jaehyun was the warmest guy that you had ever met, in a way. Anyone who said otherwise didnât have the privilege of knowing him, but you? You liked to think that you had him all figured out.
Maybe there was a chance you did to an extent. Getting to know him over the course of these long months had definitely shifted your previous perspective. Jaehyun kept to himself because he was afraid of his vulnerability being used as a weapon, but when you broke those stubborn barriers, you saw that Jaehyun was just a guy that wanted a home.Â
He had one, metaphorically speaking, but no one to share it between. That was why you used to think he was shy, and why others thought he was cold. Jaehyun wanted to protect the home heâd built for himself and was reluctant to let others in, because he wanted it to be sturdy for the ones he would let stay. Â
A hopeless romantic to his core.Â
After making sure the kitchen was tidy, Jaehyun led you away to the infamous white couch that stretched along his living room wall. Your favorite spot in the whole house. Aside from his bedroom, of course.
Jaehyun, on the other hand, couldnât decide. Half of it was littered in a slew of memories of you and his whole bedroom smelled more like you than it did himself now. Picking a favorite would be an impossible choice.Â
There was a lull of silence as the two of you sipped from your mugs, but it wasnât an issue. The silence was always comfortable with Jaehyun, as well as literally everything else about him.Â
Though you didnât notice, the weird thing now was that Jaehyun was less secure. He didnât make it obvious, but he was remarkably nervous. Jaehyun tried to cloak his nerves when he said, âI kind of got you something, too.â
Your eyes went wide with shock. âYou got me something⌠for your birthday?â
âI mean, yeah. Itâs also Valentineâs day and youâre⌠important to me,â Jaehyun confessed softly, a tiny smile breaking out onto his lips.Â
âI am?â
âYou are,â he whispered, hurriedly reaching into his pockets for something. Imagine your surprise when he dropped a USB drive into the palm of your hand. âStick it into your computer when you get home.â
You nodded obediently, sitting it on the coffee table so that it wouldnât be crushed in your jeans, but your innate curiosity was never satisfied and you asked, âWhatâs on it?â
âA surprise,â was all Jaehhyun said.Â
You hummed. If Jaehyun didnât want to tell you, you knew it would be pointless to press.Â
But you would be lying if you said that it wasnât killing you.Â
Jaehyun knew that. He knew you were a curious individual, because he was drawn to your insatiable need to know. But he didnât want to be there to see your reaction. Just looking at you made his chest taut and rejectionâs brutal fangs still ripped him to shreds.Â
At least you couldnât tell by looking at him. Jaehyun had made sure of that. âTalk to me,â he said, squeezing your hand.Â
You smiled, because his hands were warm from the hot cocoa. âAbout what?â
âTell me more about yourself. Itâs been months, but I feel like thereâs still more to know about you. Talk to me about what you love. Your hopes and dreams.â
A little sigh left you. âWhere do I even begin?â That was what you said, but youâd already continued without affording yourself any time to pause. âI want to be an orthopedic surgeon. Iâm obsessed with anatomy and how our bodies function. Thatâs why Iâve been busting my ass for grad school.â
That much was obvious. Anybody that saw you on the party scene mightâve assumed you were merely another hopeless college student who only knew hooking up and getting shit-faced drunk, but Jaehyunâs first time seeing you was in the back of a library with a laptop and a heap of textbooks.Â
You were a hard-worker and no hangover stood a chance between you and your goals. But you were also just a normal girl who wanted to let loose sometimes. It was the perfect balance.Â
Jaehyun was a keen listener. âThat sounds tough.â
You fought a groan. âGod, yes. But itâs so worth it. Itâs my senior year and Iâve been waiting my whole life for med school.â
âYouâve wanted to be a surgeon for that long?â
âIâve always known who I wanted to be,â you exhaled contentedly. And for that you were endlessly grateful. âWhat about you?â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNo. Not always. First, I guess I had to leave home and do the whole âfinding yourselfâ thing.â
âThereâs nothing wrong with that. Itâs rare that people are born with an innate sense of who they are. We deserve to live life through trial and error. Thatâs freedom,â you said.
Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. Leaving home to explore his identity mightâve been the toughest decision he ever made, but also the best one. âWhat about love?â
âWhat about it?â
âDid you ever dream of that, too?â
You shouldâve figured he would go there. It was the essential question. The world of trauma beyond your control. âI used to,â you admitted, somber. âI just havenât had a ton of faith in it lately. Thatâs what happens when you grow up, I think. You realize lifeâs not like the movies.â
Funny how I call you a hopeless romantic when hopeless romantics are anything but hopeless. In spite of the pain and the betrayal, they refuse to accept that they might die alone one day. If anything, Iâm the hopeless one. Iâve fallen in love with the one boy I could never make mine.Â
Jaehyun frowned for a split second, but recovered quickly. âYeah, I know.â
You wondered who had hurt him, but chose not to ask. If he wanted to tell you, then he already wouldâve.Â
âYou didnât ask me,â Jaehyun started.Â
You glanced up at him.Â
âAbout my pain,â he continued shortly. âAbout her.â
âI didnât think you were ready.â
âDo you want to know?â
âI mean, yeah. Of course, I want to know who hurt you and how that made you who you are. I want to understand you. But only as much as you want me to,â you told him. The truth was that as curious as you were, you were afraid of overstepping. The same way that Jaehyun was terrified of oversharing.Â
He replied with total certainty, âI want you to know.â
You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat and unsure why. It was his deep, dark secrets being revealed, not yours. Plus you were positive there wasnât a single person in the county who didnât know your history with your one and only ex. âOkay. Take your time.â
Jaehyun heaved a shaky breath, preparing himself to share something that heâd never specifically told anyone. âBack home in Seoul, I dated a girl. I was naive and I thought she was the one. But she wasnât. She only wanted a guy handsome enough to impress her parents.â
You maintained eye contact to let Jaehyun know you were listening.Â
Jaehyun continued, âI guess we had different desires in life. She wanted a boy to show off and I wanted a girl who was my best friend at the foundation. We only talked about surface things. I couldnât be myself around her.â
You nodded. That sounded like the Jaehyun you knew.Â
âThen, I found out she was cheating on me,â Jaehyun added calmly, but he still recalled the trembles of anger that wrecked through his body. âAnd I left her then and there. I dipped. I mightâve been a naive idiot, but I knew my worth. She was my first and my last.â
You were shocked. That you shared the same pain - an unfaithful partner - and that Jaehyun hadnât had nearly as many other partners as you thought he wouldâve. âYouâve only dated once?â
âFor me, once was enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship, and it wasnât a girl who I could barely trust or be myself with,â Jaehyun said. âI talked to other girls, but like I said before, nothing lasted, and Iâve obviously hooked up.â
Ironically, Iâve been hurt more by girls I never had than a girl that was supposed to belong to me.Â
âI harbored resentment for a long time, but what lasted longer was the leftover fear of trusting someone again. I only let people see what I want them to see. And because of that, Iâm a little lonely sometimes, but itâs okay.â
âDoes it get sad?â you asked quietly.Â
Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. âMaybe, but itâs better than being heartbroken. Anyways, Iâve gotten better about inviting people into my life and having good judgment. Time makes it easier.â
You make it easier, was what he meant, but Jaehyun wasnât that bold yet. He might have been the one to approach you and attempt to initiate this private affair, but you sticking around was the last thing he expected. And that opened the door for the possibility that relationships didnât have expiration dates.Â
Reading between the lines, you were hoping that somewhere along them he wasnât hinting about a potential future with you. Jaehyunâs head was in the clouds, but you were grounded below the surface. Because you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you didnât have a future together.
But of course, that never stopped you from letting him undress you.Â
You were hyper aware of Jaehyunâs eyes staring into yours and it was beginning to unnerve you a little. âIs there hot cocoa on my face?â
Jaehyun shook his head with a cute laugh and finally leaned into you for a kiss, obviously done speaking and prepared to show. You let him take you down onto the couch, laid defenseless beneath him, on the edge of surrender.Â
You giggled into his lips, pleased at how silly it was that he tasted like the hot drink youâd shared. Your hands were wound through his hair and tugging him closer to you, wanting to be inseparable. You wouldnât be sated till his soul was tied to yours.Â
When it came to your body, you were more than inclined to let Jaehyun dominate you. But your heart was more than you had bargained for.Â
Jaehyun yanked at the waistband of your sweatpants and you swore you could sense your heart swelling with the exhilaration of getting laid by the only guy you wanted. You raised your hips, letting him take them and your underwear from underneath you.Â
You gasped loudly when his fingers ghosted along the insides of your thighs and unhurriedly traveled to your core, which was throbbing at the barest of touches. Jaehyun made you ache. Your body neglected every thought that didnât concern him when it longed for him to use it until you were sore.Â
Jaehyun sucked a slick pair of fingers into his mouth fleetingly before inserting them inside your pussy, making you verbally respond to the contact with a soft whimper, and stole the sound right from your lips with a hot wet kiss. You only tightened around his digits when he pressed his lips to you and it made his head spin quicker than ever.Â
You pulled back and panted, âSo, you wonât let me sleep on the couch, but youâll fuck me on it?â
âItâs seen worse days,â Jaehyun said, muting the sound of his own chuckle when he pressed his mouth to your neck.Â
You were torn between a laugh and a moan and the final sound was a breathy whimper of Jaehyunâs name. His mouth felt too good on your neck and you couldnât forget his hands between your parted legs. Gentleman in the streets, but a beast in the sheets.Â
Jaehyun was touching you impatiently. Your exhales were loud and jagged when he pulled back from your stained throat, and Jaehyun couldnât help but imagine the noises you would make when he was finally seated deeply inside of your pussy that was clenching around his long slender digits.Â
Deciding you were wet enough to take his cock, Jaehyun recouped his hand from between your thighs and asked, âYou ready for me, baby?â
âMore than,â you whispered, disgruntled with the emptiness but consoled by the knowledge that you would be full of him momentarily.Â
Jaehyun stepped out of his clothes without hesitation and got a hold of your naked legs, dragging you toward him and leaving no room for empty space. The two of you locked eyes when he finally started to penetrate you and he looked at you with need. But you glanced away. You couldnât stare into his soul as he captured yours. You couldnât do it.Â
You moaned when he pushed the head of his cock through your entrance and again when it went as deeply as it could enter. The stretch was so mad, but so good. You never knew how closely the pain could be interlocked to pleasure before Jaehyun took you for a spin on his big cock.
Jaehyun pulled out with a disgruntled groan, stealing the pleasure before you could really soak in the sensation.Â
You winced your eyes open and asked confusedly, âWhy did you do that?â
âI forgot a condom,â Jaehyun admitted bashfully, a timid little glint in his stare.Â
âGee, you sure chose a fantastic time to remember,â you deadpanned.Â
Jaehyun looked like he was a little ashamed and it amused the hell out of you. In the heat of your vice-like cunt, heâd lost track of all thoughts other than getting his cock inside.Â
You gawked when he stood and you caught an eyeful of his cute butt when he turned for the stairs. âWhere are you going?â
Like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, Jaehyun replied nonchalantly, âTo get a condom.â
âSit your cute ass down,â you told him a bit too assertively. âYou can have me raw.âÂ
Jaehyun looked like his brain short-circuited. âFor real?â
You nodded. âYes, for real, you dummy. Just pull out.â
Jaehyun combed his fingers through his hair and groaned, âThatâs one hell of a responsibility, woman.â
You purred teasingly, âAre you scared you wonât be able to do it, or are you scared that youâll bust too fast?â
Jaehyunâs eyes fell to your gorgeous, spread legs, thickly swallowing the lump in his throat at the mouth-watering sight of you laid bare and exposed as you waited for him to take you. Fuck. Maybe both.
You snickered to yourself. Unbeknownst to Jaehyun, you were on birth control. And you had no intention of telling him right now. You wanted to gauge his restraint.Â
Jaehyun didnât reply, but he did return to the couch to slip between your folds again, and that was even better. Your pussy throbbed tirelessly, missing the way his thick cock stretched you out, and it drew deep grunts from the very back edge of Jaehyunâs throat.Â
You could feel every inch of him pressed deep inside your pulsing walls, flush against you. All of him. There was literally nothing to separate the two of you, exactly as you had wanted, only the heat and tightness of your cunt suffocating his cock relentlessly.Â
Jaehyun loved how you took him like a fucking champ. You sucked his cock back in like you needed it, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. Your eyes winced closed and your lips parted as you sang his name in a shrill whimper.Â
You were rapt with ecstasy at his long, deep thrusts that took you to the moon. The pain and guilty thoughts disappeared into his slow yet steady rhythm, as if Jaehyun wanted to make sure you could feel every bit of himself that he had to offer.Â
Like he was making love to you.
âYouâre so beautiful. Iâm in love with your body,â Jaehyun whispered gently into your ear, hooked on you.
You moaned, oblivious to the fact that he really meant he was in love with you. When your naked bodies were bursting with heat and satisfaction, meeting each other in a wet collision, all else ceased to matter.Â
Jaehyun kissed you again. You swore he stole the pulse right from your chest in that very moment, your heart open to him. His hands were everywhere, tenderly cupping your breasts and thumbing your stiff nipples. This was pleasure. This was elysian. This was all yours.
You were breathless when the two of you separated and the minutes of your lips tangled together felt like mere seconds. God, Jaehyun made you insatiable. As you did to him. The two of you couldnât get enough, not of the sex and not of each other. It was lethally dangerous to want something as badly as you both wanted one another.Â
But you knew that when you laid eyes on him, when you indulged him. You knew that he was endless trouble and yet you crept into his arms anyway like a moth to the flame.Â
âGod, fuck,â you rasped, throat hoarse from how you were screeching his name. âYou make me feel so good.â
Jaehyun was so gentle and affectionate with you, tickling kisses down every bit of your soft skin his lips could access. It was times like these, when he completed you perfectly, where you welcomed the thought that you were made for each other. And only for each other.Â
Your mouth was dry, open with every halfway cry of Jaehyunâs name that you could manage. Your skin was damp and sticky with moisture, a thin layer of sweat keeping his skin adhering to yours. Of course, there was a similar glistening sheen dripping down Jaehyun, beading at his forehead and neck.Â
It made you lick your chapped lips. This man was abundantly mouth-watering. You wanted to give him anything he wanted and in this sex-induced haze, you knew that you would have.Â
Jaehyun noticed your eyes fixated on literally anywhere but his face and it made him chuckle smugly. He craned his head downwards to nibble beneath your ear and groan praises about how perfect and tight you were around his cock.Â
You tangled your hands in his hair again, desperate to ground yourself, before sitting them at his handsome broad shoulders. He had no business being this good at touching and fucking you. You were downright ashamed of the noises that left your lips but made no attempts to block the pleasure causing them to slip into the dense air.Â
âLike that. Fuck, Iâm gonna cum, Jay,â you whimpered, squeezing his shoulders.Â
The thought of you releasing around his bare cock made a shudder shoot through Jaehyun and he almost couldnât take it. You sensed his pace getting a little rougher, as if he was out to get you. Out to finish you. âLook at me,â he growled.Â
You did. You didnât have any other options. Not when it was him bleeding you dry, making your body dependent on his touches.
Looking into his dark eyes, everything stopped. The whole world was set on pause. You almost couldnât breathe. This was how it felt to fall with no anchor.
âI want you to cum on my cock,â Jaehyun said lowly, rutting into you at a dangerous pace.Â
You nodded. You were completely submissive to his desires.
There was a throbbing pressure in your gut that only got harsher with every wet smack of Jaehyunâs hips into yours. You wound your legs around his waist and pulled him into you, wanting to fuse together your limbs.Â
Your body felt as if it were on fire. The sweat cooling down your neck, the lack of oxygen in the air. The breaths Jaehyun snatched plain from your lips. It was more than enough to take you out.Â
Jaehyun watched as your orgasm finally seized you in its open arms, taking you by surprise. Your abs tensed viciously and you arched into Jaehyun with pleasure, sensing your eyes roll to the very back of your head and your toes curl into taut knots.Â
You were still sensitive from your climax but Jaehyunâs pace was absolutely unforgiving, rutting into you mercilessly through your release. The tightness of your pussy drew a thick groan out of his mouth, but he still wasnât done with you yet. And you were very keen on letting him use your body until he finished.Â
Jaehyun relented when you finally started to calm down after coming undone, kissing your cheeks and the corner of your lips as you went almost entirely slack. The only motion in you was the aggressive heave of your chest as you panted for breath.Â
You let Jaehyun thrust in and out of you, fighting the overstimulation for his sake. You were content to feel him brushing against your slick walls and hear those breathy grunts.Â
Smoothing your hands up and down his burly arms, you whispered, âJay, baby, keep going. I donât care how long it takes. Fuck me until youâre done.â
Jaehyun bit his lip to veil a pathetic moan at those words. After he took care of your needs, you were letting him ply you for his own pleasure. You were his vice, his ruining. Your fingers grazed across his back, gathering the droplets of moisture that were beading at the surface.Â
You could feel how hot his skin was, burning up in the heat of you.Â
Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled out of you and tore you upright, holding his desperate cock in the palm of his hand as he groaned, âGet on your knees.âÂ
You obeyed without hesitation, meek. Crawling onto the carpet floor, you took him in your palms and stroked his thick girthy cock gingerly, careful not to be too rough. He was victimless in your warm hands, needy and at your mercy, leaving you with total control.Â
Then it was game over for Jaehyun when you finally took him between your soft lips, gently easing him to the back of your throat. God, it was a struggle to fit his big cock completely into your mouth, but you somehow managed. You kept your cheeks hollowed, opening them for him to thrust.Â
âFuck,â Jaehyun moaned, head thrown back and eyes winced closed. You knew exactly what needed to be done to finish him off.Â
You liked playing with his cock, obviously, but you loved having it in your mouth way more. There was nothing like driving Jaehyun to the cusp of insanity, teasing him with your tongue and hot mouth, plucking those beautiful sounds out of his lips. He lost himself whenever he was inside your throat.Â
Jaehyun was in total bliss. Your mouth was no less impressive than your sheathlike cunt for all he knew, your lips wrapping around his stiff cock feverishly without a doubt in your mind that you could make him lose his own, and he almost didnât want to orgasm yet. He only knew you, and what you did to him. And he was too greedy to want it to end.Â
You had this boy all to yourself, wrapped tightly around your fingers with nowhere to hide. And you didnât have the slightest clue what to do with him, or yourself.Â
Aside from pleasuring each other in bed, or on the couch in this case. You were exceptionally gifted at getting him off.
Jaehyun could feel himself approaching the threshold of release and he did everything in his power to fight it off, to keep it at bay, but it was basically useless. He couldnât even help but fuck your mouth. You were working him too good and he was coming whether he liked it or not.Â
You were impressed that he had even lasted this long. Normally, when you let a guy hit it raw, they could barely resist emptying their load into you at the peak of climax.Â
Jaehyun ultimately couldnât control himself anymore and his jaw slacked with a deep, lethal groan as his hips came to a total standstill, painting the back of your throat with a streak of cum. Fuck, it was the sexiest noise youâd ever heard, and it aroused a throbbing between your legs.Â
You managed to gulp him down and it was the hottest thing Jaehyun had ever seen watching you swallow his cum like that. He pulled back, a misty gleam in his dark soulless eyes as he collapsed onto the couch, breathless. There was a layer of dew at your lashes and you dabbed at your eyes to wipe them clear.Â
Jaehyun looked like heâd just had the ground ripped from underneath him. âYou just blew my mind,â he said through jagged breaths.Â
You didnât miss a beat. âI just blew you.â
Jaehyun laughed, shaking the hair out of his face.Â
After both of you found your clothes and redressed yourselves, you decided to mention slyly, âBy the way, Iâm on birth control.â
Jaehyunâs mouth gaped open. âAre you serious? I was scared you might get pregnant.â
âThat didnât stop you from fucking me though, now did it?â you replied, crossing your arms.Â
âI wasnât that scared.â
You snickered. This idiot was a man you wanted to protect with your life, but you knew that you lacked the arsenal. âBesides, at least our baby wouldâve had the worldâs finest father.â
âAnd the worldâs finest mother. They wouldâve been beautiful,â Jaehyun flirted.Â
Your cheeks flushed with heat at the compliment and his obvious flirtatious behavior. âI meant that you wouldâve been a good dad, but sure. That works too.â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered in shock. âWhy do you think that?â
You shrugged, not thinking too hard about it. You didnât need to when the answer was right at the tip of your tongue. âBecause love itself is your passion. Youâre selfless, patient. Protective. And you fight for what you love.â
Jaehyun said nothing. He was mulling over your confession, suspiciously quiet the whole time, but you were so tired that you hardly noticed. Your body was spent and you wanted to go upstairs and climb into his bed.Â
You stretched your arms over your head and stood to collect the cocoa-stained dishes in your arms. Jaehyun blinked at the action, and wouldâve stopped you to do it himself, but you were already halfway to the kitchen by the time he noticed.Â
Jaehyun walked over and pressed himself behind you, draping his arms around your hips and resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggled, enamored with how it felt to be skin-to-skin with him, and when you finished with the two mugs, he reached over your head to set them down in the cabinets.Â
You dragged Jaehyun upstairs by his arm to his own bedroom and slipped beneath his silk sheets, but invited him to drape himself above you and rest his head on your chest like you were his fluffy pillow and he was the thick, cozy blankets.Â
It was comfortable that way. You liked Jaehyunâs weight on you, so close to you, crushed beneath the pressure. His arms would tangle around you and leave you little room to escape. But you wouldnât want to leave.Â
That was how you woke up sometimes. You used to be afraid that youâd accidentally rouse him and disturb his beauty slumber, but Jaehyun always slept like a ton of bricks. This boy could probably sleep through a hurricane and wake up wondering what happened to his roof.Â
You sighed, whisking your fingers through his dark hair and staring at his face. You expected his eyes to be closed when you looked at him, but they were watching you. The ache in your chest was unignorable, unbearable.Â
Those long nights and shorter mornings with Jaehyun were all you had, but you wanted something of permanence and you were finally admitting it to yourself. You knew these moments couldnât last forever and didnât attempt to deny it, but you were hoping and wishing.Â
Smoothing your thumb down Jaehyunâs cheek, you felt a piece of your heart crumble. I canât have you and I donât even know why.Â
âJay?â you whispered.Â
âHm?â
You hesitated, brimming with reluctance. A few months ago, you wouldâve thought it wasnât your place to ask, but dammit Johnny was your brother and Jaehyun⌠meant something to you. This was officially your business. âWhy does my brother hate you?â you asked.Â
Jaehyun sat up abruptly, surprised. You matched the shock in his eyes, startled by his sudden movements. âYou donât know?â
You shook your head. âNo. Johnny never told me. I assumed he would when he was ready, but itâs killing me and I need to know.â Because I canât make sense of why we canât be together, but ironically, it makes it easier to justify being here with you right now.
Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, looking particularly perturbed. No wonder it was so easy for you to climb into bed with him. Night after night, weekend after weekend.Â
You were almost afraid to ask, âIs this going to change my perspective on you?â
âIt shouldnât if you believe me,â Jaehyun said, but the truth was that he wasnât too confident that youâd take his side.Â
You peered up at him expectantly, resting your hand on his back while he sat beside you. You were partly terrified to know the truth, watching him nervously, but god, you were exhausted of being kept in the dark.Â
Jaehyun exhaled deeply. He didnât want to lose you, not before he truly had you, but he knew what he was, and more importantly, he knew what he wasnât. âYou knew Mike, right?â
You bobbed your head, lips parting in surprise at the mention of Johnnyâs friend, but let him continue.Â
Jaehyun explained, âIâm sure you know, but he was addicted to drugs and it was fucking up his whole life. I tried to help him get clean before he fucked around and killed himself. And he was, I think. Thatâs what he said.â
You recognized this story. Johnny had said something similar, but it was about his own efforts. You somehow never realized that Jaehyun and Mike were friends. âBut?â
âBut then he wasnât clean anymore,â Jaehyun said in the tiniest voice ever. âLast year, at one of Xiaojunâs parties. It came out of nowhere. He overdosed on fent and coke.â
You knew that too. And you hated that Mike was gone so soon, taken by a poison he couldnât stop once heâd gotten his hands on it. It was heartbreaking.Â
âThen some people started to say that I did it, that I gave him the drugs. And I was at the party only a room away when he ODâd, but I swear to god it wasnât me. But they ran with it anyway.â
You frowned, pausing your handsâ consolations at his back in shock. It was starting to add up now, why Johnny hated Jaehyun. Because he thought he was complicit in the death of one of his closest friends.Â
That was when he started to become a tad too overprotective of you and it didnât take a genius to piece together why, but you never knew it was the reason he loathed Jaehyun and didnât want you anywhere near him. There were so many nights where you went to parties at Jaehyunâs house and Johnny would ask if youâd done any drugs.Â
Because of Jaehyun.Â
âGod, to this day, I want to punch the bastard that gave Mike that stuff. And if I knew who he was, Iâd kick his ass. So, I can understand why Johnny wants to kick mine. But it wasnât me,â Jaehyun said, sounding broken.Â
You blinked, taking it all in silently. You were at a crossroads.Â
Though he was hesitant, Jaehyun glanced into your eyes, unsure of what your silence meant. It was killing him. âPlease tell me you believe me.â
âI believe you,â you said, because you did. You had no reason to doubt Jaehyun. Plus you hadnât known him to press his luck with anything other than weed in the time that youâd known each other.Â
âThank god,â Jaehyun sighed in relief. âDoes this change things between us?â
You shook your head. âNo. I thought you were a good guy before and I still think youâre a good guy now. Nothing is new.â
âThank you.â
âFor what?â
Jaehyun rested his head on your shoulder and mumbled with obvious melancholy, âTrusting me.â
You laced your fingers through Jaehyunâs, squeezing his hand. âIâll always trust you.â
That warmed Jaehyunâs heart and he sat there wondering what he had done to deserve you. It felt like there was a burden lifted from his shoulders.Â
The day went on, bleeding into night. You expected Jaehyun to want to go somewhere to celebrate his birthday, but he reassured you that he was more than content to spend it indoors with you.
Still, it made you a little sad and you tried your best to cloak your gloomy emotions with your affections. You didnât want Jaehyun to know, but you were thinking about how nice it wouldâve been to do something as simple as go out together.Â
Reasonably, you were shocked when Jaehyun said, âI want to try out this Japanese restaurant with you next weekend.â
You blinked. âYou want to go out⌠with me?â you asked, making sure you werenât mistaken.Â
Jaehyun nodded, enthusiastic. âIs that a bad idea?â
âWhat if we get caught together?â
Jaehyun shrugged. âThatâs a risk Iâm willing to take.â
âOf course it is. You donât have anything to lose,â you said, but your tone was humorous.
Jaehyun replied without hesitation, âI have you to lose.â
You were sold. Those five words were all you needed to hear.
There was a ginormous beaming smile on your face when you both finally decided to call it a night and you fell asleep with a certain soreness in your cheeks.Â
Jaehyun stayed up a little later than you had. Not on purpose, but it was impossible to rest his eyes when he was distracted by your sleep patterns. Your soft snores and the way your hand curled over his stomach.Â
It was the sheer opposite of annoying. It was intoxicating.Â
He was the one clinging to you when you roused from bed after sunrise. You felt bad for slipping away like a thief in the night, but in your defense, it was daytime and you had to be in your professorâs classroom for attendance.Â
After washing up and tossing on a spare outfit you had in Jaehyunâs room for events like these, you scribbled an apologetic note that he would surely find on his nightstand and quietly crept downstairs with a sadness weighing on you now that you had to leave.Â
And surely enough, Jaehyun woke up to the note and smiled like a dumbass when he rubbed his eyes and read it to himself.Â
Good morning, sleeping handsome. Iâm gonna miss you today, but I have an early afternoon class that I have to pass to graduate. You sleep like deadweight, by the way. I had to fight out of your arms and you didnât notice. See you next weekend. Call me.Â
Jaehyun crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower, but he could tell that youâd obviously already taken one with a single simple glance, and he was wishing you had invited him to join you.Â
Now he sounded like a guy. Which was fair, because he was one.Â
You raced home after class ended. Though you had more than enough exams that it wouldâve been a good idea to study for, the main thing on your mind was plugging in the flash drive Jaehyun had gifted you, because you still were dying to know what was on it.Â
It was safe to say that a song was the last thing you were expecting.Â
You froze on your bed, unsure of how to feel. Everything hit you hard. The wistful yet romantic lyrics, the softness of his voice. Jaehyun was pouring his heart out to you, opening up to you about his feelings the best way he knew how.Â
There was a ripple of emotions bursting through you. The lyrics were a little too sentimental for you to attempt to convince yourself that this wasnât Jaehyunâs idea of a love confession. Maybe youâd known all along, but you didnât want to accept it, because you knew that it wasnât written in the stars.Â
Now you had no choice.Â
You sat there and cried. God, it was a beautiful song and that only made the tears drip even harder. You were bemused and overwhelmed. Bemused that he had obviously taken a lot of time out of his busy life to sit there and record a song for you, and overwhelmed by everything else.Â
Jaehyun loves me. Jaehyun really loves me, you thought, admitting it to yourself. And it scared you to death, because you loved him too.Â
Then the day came for you to hang out at the restaurant. It was the first time you and Jaehyun actually spent time together outside of his house. The meetup on the bridge and the incident at Jenoâs house didnât count. Those were merely instances youâd happened to cross paths.Â
When Jaehyun came up behind you in a back hug while you were waiting for him (you were embarrassingly early), you didnât jolt or startle, relaxing into his touch without sparing him a glance first. Nobody else would be wearing his sexy ass cologne.Â
You didnât mention the song or acknowledge the obvious romantic tension between you at all, much to Jaehyunâs disappointment. But he knew you definitely took the flash drive back home. It wasnât on the coffee table when he went downstairs, meaning you had grabbed it on your way out.  Â
He couldnât help but wonder if you had listened to it and vividly pictured your reaction, but Jaehyun knew it would be pointless obsessing over the thought if he wasnât going to ask.Â
The truth was that you were conflicted. Your heart wanted Jaehyun, but you were rational and knew it was ridiculous. There was no point in setting yourselves up for more useless heartbreak.Â
But you had fun with Jaehyun in that restaurant. You didnât want to admit it, but it was the closest thing to a date you would ever have with him. You talked and held hands underneath the table like the pair of lovers you hoped you were in another life.Â
Your insatiable lovesick heart was aching for more. And the worst part was that Jaehyun was oftentimes right there in your arms but had never felt further.Â
It wasnât until you were unfortunately back home and walking through the front door that you read aloud the text youâd received from Johnny. We need to talk. Iâll be home in an hour. âWell, that cannot be good,â you mumbled to yourself.Â
âIt isnât.â
You jolted in alarm. You didnât know Johnny was home, though it had most definitely been well over an hour. Jaehyun was too interesting for you to even think about touching your phone once.Â
Given the familiar less than content glare on Johnnyâs face, you fought a groan, wondering what you couldâve possibly done now when youâd been on your best behavior lately. You lilted in the usual tone you used when you wanted to get out of trouble, âHi, my handsome big brother that I love dearly.â
Johnny, obviously not in the mood, snapped, âTaeyong saw you with Jaehyun today. You wanna explain that to me?â
That was the last thing you expected him to say and the shock was plain on your face. âWhat?â
Johnny shook his head, unsurprised that you were acting clueless, and though he was furious he tried not to raise his voice. âDonât play dumb. Are you dating him - fucking him?â
âIâm not dating him, weâre justâŚ,â you trailed in frustration, realizing that youâd been caught. âShit, yeah. Iâve fucked him and weâre hanging out.â
Johnny blew out a long, exasperated sigh. âI canât believe this. God, my own sister.â
Tears threatened. At this point, you were desperate. Your whole world was crashing down without warning. You wished you wouldâve at least seen the text and braced yourself. âJohnny, please. If you gave him a chance, I think you two would really like each other!â
âI could never like him,â Johnny replied viciously, face tensing in fury as if the suggestion was an affront to his entire existence. Â
You approached Johnny, somehow mustering the courage to come near him. âPlease listen to me, alright? He didnât do it, Johnny. It wasnât him!â
Johnny gawked. He couldnât believe you were defending Jaehyun and took a gigantic step back, wanting to be nowhere near you. He hissed, âOf course thatâs what the bastard told you. Did he give you proof?â
Frantic, you shook your head, and it came to you that you only had trust to back Jaehyunâs claims. âNo, but...â
Johnny grabbed his keys and interjected, âStop. Just stop. I donât even want to see your face right now.â
Your lips were agape when Johnny stormed towards the garage, full of purebred rage and disappointment.Â
After a few minutes, the shock started to dull away and you temporarily regained the ability to function, racing upstairs to your bedroom to be inert. You hated the brutal sting splitting you in half. While your thoughts were on pause and you were consumed by emptiness, it was the one thing keeping you from dissociating.Â
Sitting there on your bed, knees pressed to your chest and your arms curled around yourself, you couldnât even cry. It would come, but right now you were trying to process the pain. And in the meantime, you realized what needed to be done.
Two long days later, you were meeting Jaehyun at the bridge one final time. It took nearly forty-eight hours of gathering the courage to pick up your phone, but you had to let him know it was over. That this was goodbye.Â
You ran your fingers across the wooden overlook, taking in nature, but even the peaceful noise of your surroundings failed to soothe your heartbreak.Â
The sound of tentative footsteps barely drew you from your own head, and you didnât want to face your visitor. You knew it was Jaehyun. For more reasons than one.Â
Though you couldnât see, Jaehyun had his hands in his pockets. âAm I late?â
âNo, youâre perfectly on time. I got here early. I needed time to think,â you replied with a fleeting glance at your watch.Â
Jaehyun watched you with unease, a perturbed thud in his heart making it challenging to breathe. This was bad, he knew, and for whatever reason, that fear that he was doomed was unshakable. âWhat happened?â
âJohnny knows,â you began, finally whipping around. It was the least you could do, knowing you had to break his heart. âTaeyong saw us together. He snitched. Now Johnny wants nothing to do with me.â
Jaehyunâs heart sank. No wonder you hadnât texted or called him in two days. Aside from inviting him here, that is. âWhat now?â
âI canât see you anymore. Johnny already hates me now. If I keep seeing you behind his back, I wonât have a brother anymore. I canât live with that guilt. Thatâs why Iâve been running from it for months,â you said quietly.Â
Jaehyun stiffened, like a boulder. âWeâre giving up? Thatâs insane! Donât let him stop us from being together.â
You recoiled, surprised. âAre you asking me to choose you over my brother?â
âNo, of course not,â Jaehyun sighed, combing his hands through his hands as he searched for the right words.Â
You desperately wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, but you couldnât bring yourself to move. âYou should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone you can hold and kiss outside without any worries. I canât give you that, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNone of that matters to me. I want to be with you. I donât care what compromises I have to make.â
âWell, I do,â you whispered sullenly, reminding yourself of everything you had to lose. âIt was never going to work. You had to know this. We arenât Shakespeare characters. Hell, even they donât get to be happy!â
Jaehyunâs chest was taut with pain. It was usually him that had to tell people the brutal reality of unfortunate situations. And this was how it felt to be on the other side?
Fighting the oncoming threat of tears, you continued, âIâve enjoyed these past months with you and weâve made special, unforgettable memories together. But enough is enough. We were gonna have to face the truth one day, and that day is today. It was inevitable. I hope that somehow we can still be friends.â
Jaehyun spat, âI donât want to be just friends. I canât be just friends with you. Why donât you understand that?â
Oh, you did. You really, really did. This was hurting you in ways unimaginable and nothing couldâve prepared you for the moment where you had to set Jaehyun free.Â
Not even knowing this day would come.Â
âI love you,â Jaehyun confessed for the first time, taking some steps closer to you. The gleam in his eyes killed you.Â
Those words were like ice in your veins. Your heart stopped beating. For half a minute, the whole world ceased. You shook your head, sensing a vicious pain returning to you. âYou canât love me.â
Jaehyun switched on a dime and hissed, âYou canât tell me how to feel.â
Denial still crept through your blood. Apparently, it was one of your many talents. Jaehyunâs too. âYouâre in love with the idea of me. You just want somebody to love again and maybe I made you realize that, but you donât love me.â
Jaehyun was trembling. You were trying to diagnose him and he wouldnât stand for it. âSaying that doesnât make it true.â
You were defiant. You needed it to be true. There had to be some way to get him to let you go and move on. You didnât want to resort to cruel methods, but you would if you were rendered optionless.Â
Jaehyun continued, âYou did make me realize that I wanted love again. But I also realized that I could have it all in you.â
Finally pushed past your limits, you shattered and screamed, âGoddammit, Jaehyun - you canât have me!â
You turned away, hoping he would let you leave. You didnât want things to end on even worse terms than they already were.Â
But you shouldâve known Jaehyun would be relentless. He was a fighter. You were what he wanted, what he loved, and heâd damned if he surrendered without a fight. âSo, thatâs it? Youâre just going to walk away?âÂ
You rooted in place and exhaled loudly, bristling with frustration. âThe fuck do you want me to do, Jay? Itâs out of my hands.â
âTalk to Johnny - you know that I didnât do anything!â
âNo, I donât know anything,â you grumbled, crossing your arms tightly.Â
That stunned Jaehyun. You didnât trust him anymore?
Jaehyun laughed, but it was humorless. Needless to say, he was pissed. âWow. You gave up the fight before it started, before it was over. You never gave us a chance.â
You walked away. You didnât have the strength.Â
Jaehyun kept prodding. You were unbelievable and he couldnât stand you right now. âI bet this isnât just about Johnny. I bet him being your brother is just a cop-out so that you donât have to trust another guy again.â
Now that stung deep. He was hitting you where it hurt, making sure you understood how badly you had wounded him, and you realized there was a chance he was right and you hadnât even considered it. You whipped around, snapping, âFuck you. I wish I never met you.â
Jaehyun watched you disappear behind the thick branches, simmering where he stood. God, he resented the fuck out of you right now. You were accepting defeat, throwing in the towel, and he hated you because of it.Â
The seemingly endless months of ignorant bliss were washed down the drain all because you didnât want to be a little more optimistic. You couldâve had it all together, had you not resigned yourself to being unhappy. You were so hell-bent on being realistic that you closed the door on other possibilities.Â
Almost the second you burst through the front door, your tears fell after what felt like an eternity of fighting them back. Johnny and your parents turned to face you with alarm when you paraded through the living room, but you ignored your motherâs questions and made a beeline for your bed.Â
Johnny didnât ask. He already knew, and he was only somewhat satisfied that you had done what shouldâve never needed to happen in the first place.Â
The days of the week started to bleed into each other. You didnât talk to Jaehyun for obvious reasons. Johnny, the man whose shoulders you thought would always be there for you to lean on, was ironically giving you the cold shoulder. And Mark wouldnât understand even if you explained, though you knew he was available.Â
Never had you felt so alone. You had no one to escape to. No one who could comprehend or justify the moral dilemma you forced yourself into. Iâve truly outdone myself. Iâve betrayed my brother, baffled my best friend, and lost my lover back to back. That has to be a world record.Â
Seven days marked the longest time you had gone without speaking with Jaehyun since the onset of this private love affair. He didnât call or text you either, which was understandable. Plus it was what you wanted, or at least that was what you used to think.Â
You werenât sure anymore. Cutting him off was the whole purpose of meeting him, but why did it make you feel so isolated?
It wasnât that long ago that you did it because you thought it was the right choice, or maybe because you thought it would make things better. But it hadnât. Now that you had effectively shielded yourself from the universe, you were less free and more lonely.Â
And time continued to fly by, days of leaving the house only to attend class and coming back to your room only to collapse into sorrow.Â
Johnny felt bad. At night, there were a couple of times where he hovered near your door and heard you sobbing, but he was too petty and spiteful to knock or check up on you. You had stung him too.Â
The difference was that when Mike died, you did everything in your power to console Johnny. You gave him the space he needed, of course, but you opened the door for him to talk to you if he wanted and lent him a shoulder to cry on. You bought all his favorite snacks and encouraged him to go outside, even if it was just the backyard.Â
Now, you were suffering your own loss, one of many but in a different manner. It wasnât like you were a bereaved wife, but the agony wasnât any less excruciating.Â
Mark came over whenever he had the extra time to spare every week to check up on you, reminding you that you werenât as alone as you thought you were, but you still didnât want to confide in him about your emotions. You were afraid he would unintentionally make you feel more stupid.Â
You were a little verklempt. Maybe more than. They said time was the healer of all wounds, but with every week spent without Jaehyunâs familiar musk in the air and dreamy voice in your ear, you felt less and less whole.  Â
What could you have done to keep him close to you, even if it was just for a little while longer? Maybe if you hadnât ended on such cold, distant terms, moving on would be easier and you would be happier. You couldâve contentedly looked back on the memories of your last time together knowing you had done everything in your control to make it better.Â
But you were worried that that was false. You were worried that Jaehyun was right and this ending was premature.Â
It doesnât matter, premature or not. It was going to end either way. Thereâs no point in delaying the inevitable, you reassured yourself in what you once believed was aggressively honest consolation, but you were starting to question how you could be so certain.Â
You told yourself that with the burden of your immoral secrets weighing you down, you and Jaehyun couldâve never been a pair. You knew it wouldnât last forever. Youâd always known. You didnât expect things to make it this far, but dammit you didnât expect to have your fun cut short so soon either.Â
It wasnât fair.Â
Sometimes you dreamt of what it would be like to hold Jaehyun in your arms without worries, without stolen touches and kisses when nobody was paying attention.Â
You sat in the nook at your window, curled up into yourself, thinking only about Jaehyun. If it wasnât for the stupid secret that unraveled far too damn quickly, maybe none of this wouldâve ever happened. Maybe I would have you, with nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.
Fuck, you shouldâve been happy. Given how unlucky in love you were, you doubted that you were intended to ever be happy. You hadnât smiled in an eternity. But Jaehyun made you feel your peak of happiness, as if you had never been more euphoric with anybody else.Â
More than once, you had been in love, but never like how you were in love with Jaehyun. Why did things have to become so complicated for the both of us? Why did reality hit like a fucking freight train?
If only you never fell for Jaehyun, never even gave him the time of day, then you wouldnât be hurting. Your heart was being tortured.Â
It took another day of stumbling into the kitchen with dark eye bags after yet another sleepless night of sobbing into your pillows, and Johnny ignoring your existence altogether while he poured himself a mug of coffee, but it finally occurred to you that you couldnât relive this agonizing cycle over and over.Â
You were sick of the pain and the dread. The insufferably cold distance when his bedroom was right down the hall from yours. You were sick of sniveling until you had no more tears left to weep, until you felt totally empty.Â
Something had to give.Â
To your surprise, and luck, Mark called you a few minutes after you strolled back into your room wordlessly, devising a plan you loathed yourself for not thinking of earlier. âHey, bestie. Talk to me,â he said. âHow you feeling?â
âLike judgment day came early for me, I guess,â you mumbled into the phone, collapsing onto your sheets.Â
Mark sighed roughly. âDamn. I was hoping you would feel a little better this week. Johnny said youâre the worldâs biggest hermit and itâs kinda depressing.â
That shocked you to your core, but you tried to play it off. âOh, Johnnyâs been talking about me?â
âWell, yeah. Iâve obviously been checking up on the both of you on the regular, and neither of you really wanna open up to me, but Johnny has less of an issue talking about you. Man, he still cares. Heâs your brother.â
Your heart was sore. You wished he would tell you that himself. In your own home, to your own brother, you felt like a stranger.Â
Tears burned your eyes, but you fought them and lilted playfully, âOh, my beloved bestieâŚâ
Mark knew that tone and interjected, âFuck.â
You fought a tiny laugh and continued, âWould you mind doing your best friend a teeny tiny little favor?â
The suggestion alone sounded like bad news and Mark was questioning what he was about to get himself into, because no matter what came out his mouth first, you were his best friend. Of course, he was going to tell you âyes.â
Mark huffed, âJesus. Ease up on the mischief. Johnny still wants to beat my ass too, you know? He asked me if I knew you were boning Jaehyun and of course I couldnât lie. Iâm a man of God.â
Because you didnât feel like disputing that statement, you ignored his speech entirely and asked knowingly, âYour dadâs a cop, isnât he?â
âI donât like where this is going.â
Your voice was maybe a little hopeful. âIs there a way that he can look into the investigation of Mikeâs overdose?â
Mark knew exactly why you were asking and even he was ashamed he hadnât thought of the little plan. There was a brief pause before he said, âIâll call you back.â And then he hung up.Â
You were a little tense sitting there on your bed waiting around for a phone call. Not because you were worried about Mark not doing it, which would be ridiculous because you both wanted what was best for Johnny. It was because you were scared of not having a solution.
Deciding it would be useless to sit around antsily, you took a well-deserved nap after a restless twenty-four hours of no sleep. It would only do you good. Even if Mark didnât have the answers you wanted, your grades would thank you.
Sleep came easy. Though they werenât Jaehyunâs, it was nice and peaceful bunched beneath your blankets. You flipped your pillow over to the side that wasnât stained with tears and let darkness take the wheel.Â
Johnny peeked inside your room after an hour or two, wanting to talk to you, but when he saw you comfortably snoozing in your bed and obliviously clinging onto a spare pillow for dear life, he backed away and shut the door. He knew you needed the rest.Â
You jolted awake when your phone started to ring vehemently beside your head, cursing yourself for not turning on Do Not Disturb before immediately remembering why you didnât, and quickly lifting the phone to answer gruffly, âHello?â
âGood news,â Mark started, sounding suspiciously chipper. âI had my dad pull some strings. And youâre gonna wanna hear this.â
Sitting up, you exclaimed in an impatient whisper, âWell?â
âJeong Jaehyun is not a suspect, for one. There were witnesses that confirmed him giving Mike his fix was impossible. But for two, the case reopened a few months ago and theyâre literally about to bust the guy that did it. Theyâre waiting on a warrant. Youâve got great timing,â Mark said.Â
You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. âWhat the hell?â
âIsnât this good news?â
âYeah, it is,â you whispered, too shocked to know how to feel. You didnât think the stupid plan would really work. âThank you, Mark.â
Mark was quick to reassure you, âYou donât need to thank me. Youâre my best friend and Johnny is like my brother-in-law in some weird way. See, that sounds weird. Anyways, when do you plan on telling him?â
You laughed at his rambling, but hummed when you thought about his question. âUh, would today be a bad time?â
âThe sooner the better.â
You sighed in relief. Then, you donned the loveliest tone you could muster, and asked sweetly, âWill you come with me please? I think your presence will really help.â
Mark retorted, âShould I bring the entire police force too?â
You rolled your eyes and begged, âCome on, Mark. Youâre my bestie and I need you. Heâs more mad with me than he is with you and plus you have the benefit of a credible father.â
âI was already on my way,â Mark chirped, jiggling his keys loudly before hanging up.Â
You giggled. What would you do without that boy? He was your ride or die.Â
Fifteen minutes later, Mark was pulling into your driveway and hopping out of the car. You let him in, locking the door behind your best friend and embracing him in the biggest hug of his life. You needed the comfort to wean off your nerves.Â
The last thing you expected was for Johnny to come trudging down the stairs within the very next minute.Â
You released Mark, turning to your brother, and you and Johnny said in unison, âHey, I really need to talk to you.â
Johnny blinked in surprise. It almost seemed like he was mirroring you. Mark snickered to himself, mumbling something about you two obviously being related, but Johnny was chill and said, âYou can go first.â
You heaved a breath. It was a shock that Johnny deliberately chose to speak to you for the first time, presumably without the intervening influence of your parentsâ rebuttal on your behalf. âI donât know how to say this, but first I wanted to tell you that Iâm really sorry for sneaking around with Jaehyun behind your back. It was a really shitty thing for me to do.â
Johnny nodded along, listening.Â
âBut I fell in love with him,â you said without hesitation. âAnd Iâm not going to ask you to accept us or anything. Thatâs your choice. But I thought there was something you should know thatâs bigger than Jaehyun and I.â
Johnny looked tense, but he encouraged you to go on. âOkay.â
It felt like the whole world was watching you with Johnnyâs eyes carefully set on your face, but you didnât let it stop you from continuing, âIt really wasnât him that gave Mike his supply, and yes we have proof. Markâs dad not only confirmed it wasnât him, but theyâre working on getting him into custody.â
Mark nodded, standing right behind you. Like he was vouching for you the same way youâd vouched for him all these years. âItâs true, Johnny. It wasnât Jaehyun. It was some random shady dealer that preys on addicts at these parties. He has a track record.â
Johnnyâs eyes flickered. âIt really wasnât Jaehyun?â
Mark shook his head. âHeâs innocent, dude.â
Johnny fell silent for a long time. You could see him stiffening, penitent. âI donât know what to say,â he whispered. âI feel like shit now.â
You snorted. âDonât do that to yourself. Please. Iâve felt like shit enough these past few weeks for the both of us.â
âAbout that,â Johnny began, getting whiplash. The look on his face was gentle, remorseful, and he hated himself for being anything else to his sister. To the last person that deserved his misplaced frustration. âI wanted to tell you that Iâm sorry for freezing you out.â
âJohnnyâŚ,â you trailed.Â
Johnny shook his head. He needed you to let him say this. âI know youâve had a rough few weeks, and though I havenât exactly been pleased with you, youâre still my sister. The least I couldâve done was ask you âhow are you doing?â but I couldnât even be bothered.â
You sighed loudly. That was true. And youâd be lying if you said it didnât rub salt in the wounds.Â
âI havenât done a good job at showing it, but I care for you. Youâre my only sibling and letâs be honest, I donât think Iâll be getting another one,â Johnny said lightheartedly.Â
You snickered. Damn right. You knew your parents would vehemently agree if they were here. They couldnât be happier that all of their kids were adults. Well, maybe if you moved out.Â
Johnny breathed in some air. A lot of mistakes had obviously been made on both parts and he was ready to put it all behind him. âI guess what Iâm trying to say is that I forgot to do what was more important. Be your brother. And Iâll apologize for the rest of my life until you forgive me.â
âNo need. I forgive you right now,â you whispered, simpering.Â
Johnny stood there like a dumbass, hesitant. He didnât feel like he deserved your forgiveness and would be spending the next weeks repairing his relationship with you, doing whatever it took.Â
You took the lead, starting reluctantly, âListen. I know Mikeâs passing has been hard on you, Johnny. Thatâs why you want to protect me and everything else you love in your life, but Iâm an adult. You need to let me take care of me.âÂ
A cloud of melancholy hung over Johnny and it wouldnât leave. The grief was still fresh, as if Mike had died yesterday.Â
You stepped forward, placing a hand on Johnnyâs shoulder. âAnd youâre my big brother. Iâll obviously still give you a call when Iâm going through a rough time. But you have to respect that Iâm my own person.â
Johnny nodded. âYeah, I know. Iâm sorry about all that too. Iâll be better.â
âI will too,â you said, because the truth was that it was time the two of you started making efforts.Â
Johnny grabbed you in his arms and pulled you into a gigantic bear hug. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and breathed easier in relief as weeks worth of wounds vanished.Â
Wincing your eyes closed, you let yourself be content in your brotherâs loving embrace for the first time in a while. You needed this.Â
You could barely feel yourself breathe when Johnny started to hug you so tightly you thought he might accidentally squeeze the life out of you. âAlright, chill, Johnny. I think I might die,â you wheezed.
Johnny released you with a chuckle. You gasped for breath, shaking your head. Though the bone-crushing hug was appreciated nonetheless.Â
Mark was content to be in the background and cheered in awe, âIâm so proud of you guys. You overcame your differences and reunited like real siblings. I knew it would happen eventually, but dude, this is refreshing to see.â
You nodded in agreement. One less broken relationship. But you had another one to salvage before it was too late.Â
Then, Mark remembered Johnny was none too thrilled that he was complicit in you getting away with your sneaky little secret and asked, âYo, Johnny, are we good?â
âNo.â
Mark gawked.Â
âIâm kidding,â Johnny said with a teasing lilt. âWeâre good, man.â
Mark exhaled in relief. âThank god.â
You smiled to yourself. You were happy, but you couldnât shake the feeling that something was missing from your life.Â
Johnny clamped a hand onto your shoulder and said, âGo get him.â
You gasped, but you didnât question how he knew. He just did. It was a sibling thing. âYou mean it?â
âYes. You said it yourself. You love him, and I have no reason to come between that anymore. You deserve to be happy after dating asshole after asshole,â Johnny told you (sort of) kindly.Â
You snickered, and grabbed your keys from your pockets. âPray for me. Heâs not gonna be thrilled.â
Johnny shook his head, disagreeing. âYeah, he will. Tell him that Iâm very sorry, but the threat to kick his ass still stands if he fucks with you.â
âIâll be sure to let him know,â you deadpanned, heading for the door.Â
The drive to Jaehyunâs house was inexplicably anxious. You could still think, but every thought went by at the speed of a thousand miles per second. And it didnât help that you were overthinking the entire situation, dreading the endless amount of âwhat ifs.â
For fuckâs sake, you didnât even know if he would be there. You were showing up unannounced, uninvited. What if he had already found another woman to keep him company in your forgettable absence?
Then, you were at his front doorstep. And you had no time to vividly imagine every possible scenario, because Jungkook answered your knocks and you could only barely see inside.Â
You politely greeted him in a small voice and asked, âCan I come inside?â
Jungkookâs eyes narrowed and he didnât waste any time in snapping, âWhy should I let you in after you broke my friendâs heart?â
âBecause Iâm sorry and I want to set things right with him,â you said, matching his lack of hesitation.Â
Yugyeom hurried over and took the lead, widening the door for you to enter and whining dramatically, âOh, god. Please come in. Fix him. Do your womanly magic and bring him back to life. Iâm sick of his brooding ass.â
You wanted to laugh, but you hated the thought of causing Jaehyun all this suffering. If it was anything like the kind youâd been through lately, you knew he was in a tough spot.Â
Thanking Yugyeom, you made a beeline for the stairs, rushing up them like Jaehyun would somehow know it was you approaching them and slip away before you could get the chance to apologize.Â
You knocked on Jaehyunâs door, but you guessed he really wasnât expecting you to come over, because he shouted exasperatedly, âJesus, Yugyeom. Fuck off.â
âItâs not Yugyeom,â you called back. âItâs me.â
All you could hear was silence. Then there was a shuffle, and a few moments later the door clicked unlocked and Jaehyun was standing before you in all his glory. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI walked to talk,â you replied timidly, struggling to maintain eye contact.Â
Irritated, Jaehyun huffed, âWe already had a conversation.â Though the truth was that he was glad you were here, standing in front of him again. He was borderline miserable without you in his life.Â
The reminder of your final exchange with Jaehyun made you wince in shame. âI know, but I wanted to apologize. Wonât you at least hear me out?â
Jaehyun turned to return to his bed, reminding sharply, âYouâre the one that walked away. I was willing to at least try to make us work, but you didnât even want to do that.â
âBecause I thought it would be useless,â you admitted, giving chase and shutting the door behind yourself. âBut I donât anymore. You were right. I shouldâve fought for us and I regret not doing it earlier.â
Jaehyun mightâve acted like he wasnât listening, being totally dismissive, but he definitely noticed your specific use of language. âYou said âearlier.â What do you mean?â
You had a beaming smile on your face as you admitted, âI mean, I talked to Johnny about us. I managed to get him to listen to me and proved your innocence. Thank god Markâs father is a cop.â
Jaehyun softened. âYou did all that? Why?â
âBecause youâre worth fighting for,â you whispered tenderly, looking at Jaehyun like he was your entire universe.Â
Jaehyun was so close to accepting that he would never have anyone look at him that way again. After a heartbreak, the feeling of being unlovable always loomed over his head and you were no different. But dammit if he wasnât tired of the doubts.Â
Tentatively, you came towards Jaehyun completely, sitting beside him on his mattress that you missed almost as much as you missed him. âI didnât mean it, when I said I wish I never met you.â
Jaehyun almost laughed. That was the least hurtful thing to leave your lips. âI know. You were upset. And you had every right to be.â
You frowned, suspicious of how calm he was. You half expected him to lash out. âStop being understanding.âÂ
âIf youâre expecting me to be angry, I canât do anything for you. Iâve already spent the past few weeks in that stage of grief.â
You blinked. It was as if he could read your mind. âWhere are you at now?â
Jaehyun was totally indifferent when he told you, âBargaining.â
âFunny. Me too,â you sighed. If only you had been more open-minded, you could have spared you and Jaehyun all this worthless misery.Â
You noticed that Jaehyun said nothing, but he looked a little in his head. And he was somewhere up there, scolding himself for letting him be a fool for you, then thinking, I couldnât resist loving you. Sue me.Â
The emotion was finally surfacing on his face. You could see all of it now. The distress and the love and the heartache. You smirked, thinking to yourself, Heâs my little damsel now.Â
The grin on your lips was fleeting and it disappeared by the time you grabbed Jaehyunâs hands in yours and he peered down at you in surprise. âIâm sorry,â you told him softly. âI thought you were crazy and hopeless for thinking we could be together. Now, I see that you didnât want to quit until youâd exhausted your resources. And I forced your hand. Iâm sorry.â
Jaehyun squeezed your hand. âItâs okay. I understand where you were coming from. You were trying to make things as painless as possible because you genuinely thought we didnât stand a chance against fate.â
âAnd somehow I made shit ten times more painful,â you murmured, ashamed.Â
âLike I said, I understand where you were coming from,â Jaehyun said, being gentler than he shouldâve.Â
You shook your head. That meant nothing. âBut do you forgive me?â
Jaehyun gazed into your pained eyes. It still broke him, but he was starting to lick the wound clean. Things were changing. âYes. I forgive you, baby.â
Your heart softened at the pet name. You never expected to fall for Jaehyun. Not Jaehyun or his precious smile and adorable face. Not the little things heâd say that made you feel as if you would burst with love.Â
But you did fall for him, and all those little things that made him himself. And you didnât want to be without them ever again.Â
âIâm tired of loving each other behind closed doors. I want to be seen with you. I want to go to museums and look at really abstract paintings that youâll tell me are meaningful for whatever reason. I want to explore the city with you and visit shops Iâd never think to go to otherwise.â
Jaehyun was sporting a beaming smile. âYou said you love me.â
âI havenât said it before?â
Jaehyun huffed, âNo. Not even once.â
You held his face, cradling it just shy of yours, and confessed, âThen, I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Jaehyun. I donât know what to do without you.â
âI love you too,â Jaehyun said, leaning in to mumble the tiny confession into your neck, and reminded of how desperately he craved the warmth of your skin.Â
You were grinning so hard your cheeks were hurting.Â
âDonât leave me ever again. Donât ever let me go. Never,â Jaehyun instructed you sharply, and although it was partly muffled, you heard him loud and clear.
âI wonât,â you told him, kissing his forehead. âIf you play me that song you made me on your guitar.â
Jaehyun blinked up at you in surprise. âYou liked it?â
âI think Iâve cried to it, like, a million times,â you admitted unabashedly.Â
Jaehyunâs jaw went slack for only a split second, then he quickly recovered and leapt up to grab his guitar from its resting position in the corner of his room.Â
A smile danced onto your lips as he held the guitar, strumming to the beautiful song heâd written with only his insurmountable adoration for you in mind, and the pining nature of the lyrics made you realize that the yearning was over. You were Jaehyunâs. And Jaehyun was yours.Â
Losing Jaehyun, one of the few people you loved depthlessly, was like losing the last person you had. You didnât know how to be without him. And you didnât have to learn, because you never would be without him again.Â
You watched him attentively, beaming from ear to ear, taking in his beautiful smile and soft voice, and familiar heady cologne. And you thought to yourself, Thereâs nothing to dislike about this guy.Â
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rose bud | jjh
stoner!fuckboy!jaehyun x fem!reader
summary: friday nights are party nights, and it's here that your feet always seem to lead you to your favorite stoner. you know the sweet words that leave jaehyun's mouth don't belong just to you, but something about him leaves you wanting more.
wc: ~9.2k 18+ mdni
cw: angst, eventual fluff, weed/alcohol use, sexual activity under the influence, multiple orgasms, fingering, protected pinv sex, nipple play, baby + pretty + angel as petnames, jaehyun calls reader "my girl" once, different positions, misunderstandings, jealousy, a lot of cursing, oral (receiving), reader borrows clothes from members, explicit sex descriptions, pining, jungwoo getting caught in the middle of everything
âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â
you walk into the dimly lit house, music blaring through the speakers and deafening chatter ringing through your ears as your eyes scan for your target.
a vaguely familiar face pulls you to the side to take a shot, which you gladly join in for, but you leave it at one as you continue on. youâd so much rather be mind numbingly high than drunk, and there was one person you knew to go to for just that.
you make your way further into the house, eyes landing on a corner of the living room when you see him - the backwards hat nestled on top of dark hair and dimples you could spot from a mile away.
you scan his surroundings, relieved that his only company is johnny, a friend you know well. johnnyâs eyes meet yours and crinkle in recognition.
â__!â he calls, beckoning you to come closer. johnny gives you a quick hug before excusing himself, leaving you with the one you had been wanting to see.
âjae,â you smile, holding your index finger and thumb up to your lips. âyou know what iâm here for.â
he rolls his eyes playfully. âwhatever happened to hi jaehyun, how are you?â
you laugh and take the seat next to him on the loveseat heâs currently occupying.
âhi, jaehyun how are you, do you have my weed?â you bat your eyelashes at him.
âthat depends, pretty, are you gonna let me be the luckiest man in the world tonight?â he mirrors you, putting on your same innocent look while batting his eyelashes.
you lightly smack his arm while he throws his head back to let out a deep, hearty laugh. he pulls his pen out of his pocket and hands it to you.
âhold onto this for now baby, left the jâs in my car. meet me outside in 10?â you nod, taking a long hit from his pen as you watch him disappear into the crowd.
how long has it been now since youâve had this routine with him? you think back to the very first time you met the man at one of these parties, the only setting you really get to see him in.
at a party many months prior, you decided that your energy for getting wasted wasnât as good as it used to be, instead opting for a chiller alternative - getting high. your best friend of many years, mark, had started this connection.
ââŚiâve got bad news, dude.â you were one drink in and itching to smoke, but a look of panic in markâs eyes after fumbling through his pockets told you all you needed to know.
âmark, really?? i knew i should have just grabbed them myself..â mark had left the joints he rolled at his place, where you two had pregamed before the party. luckily for you, he also had a solution.
âdude, i know a guy whoâs always got weed on him. trust,â he assured you, leading you to the porch out front where you saw a few people gathered. you could already smell the pungent scent of weed coming from the huddle, and you trusted that mark knew what he was doing.
âthought i saw you out here jae, could we join yâall for a bit?â mark asked after dapping up the one you assumed was âjae.â
âi mean i guess, only cause itâs you, mark,â the man said, turning his sights to you. âbut i donât mind if your plus one joins too?â
âthis is __. weâre just friends, but appreciate it bro,â mark quickly clarified. jaehyun nodded in understanding.
âiâm jaehyun, nice to meet you, pretty.â taking in the sight in front of you, you were met with his deep brown eyes, perfectly messy black hair, and lovely dimples for the first time that night.
he was really attractive and just your type, and with this along with the affectionate name right off the bat, you knew you were a goner.
after joining their rotation and meeting some other friends in the circle, you fell into a comfortable mood, conversations and laughs flowing. you found out jaehyun and a couple of his friends rented the house where you all were at, letting it be a regular party grounds.
youâd known a couple of people lived at that house, but youâd only met johnny, another host and one of jaehyunâs roommates, so it was nice to meet the dimpled man.
as the night went on, you were still aware of the presence of the new man next to you, maybe too aware, but you knew somehow in the back of your mind you would be seeing a lot more of him. now that you know your regular party spot was his house, you hoped so.
and to your pleasant surprise, you did see him a lot more. the next couple of parties, he always somehow found you, inviting you to smoke with him even without mark. you usually had brought your own weed, but youâre never one to turn down a free smoke, especially when he was always the one to seek you out.
he always seemed to throw in a flirtatious remark or a pet name that had your stomach in flips whenever you spent your time smoking together. you acted like you didnât mind, but your heart was beating out of your chest as you tried to keep your cool.
otherwise, conversations were always pleasant and comfortable with him, and you two just clicked.
at some point, you found yourself pocketing your own weed and going straight to jaehyun. you were getting more and more familiar with the butterflies in your stomach.
looking good, angel.
god, you hold your smoke like a champ, pretty.
i think i deserve a smooch for how good i rolled this for you, baby.
with each party, he got more and more bold, but never went beyond words. it sent a thrill through your being, making you crave his presence more and more. something about him infatuated you. you wanted to get to know him, to see if there was any room in him for you.
your curiosity was cut short as you quickly learned to dismiss his flirting as nothing more than playfulness once you learned more about him.
after all, it wasnât a secret that jeong jaehyun was a player.
you had to learn this yourself by seeing him tangled with some random girl in front of your own eyes. the first time it happened, you remember how you stopped breathing for a second, the feeling of your stomach dropping far too uncomfortable.
you couldnât stop your thoughts from spiraling. you didnât even know him that well, didnât even know him outside of the low lights, burning alcohol, and smoke clouds. how could you think you were special? you learned then and you know now, and as time helps, it hurts less.
you got yourself up to date. youâve heard the rumors about him around the different friend circles, and even know a few girls heâs hooked up with. who were you kidding?
whenever it happened, you always turned on your heel, pulling out your own forgotten joints, pushing down the disappointed feeling in your heart by finding another friend or two to get high with. the next party would roll around and jaehyun would come find you as if you werenât completely gone from his mind the last time you shared space.
all feelings of disdain for him would fade with the sound of his deep, hearty laughter, and everything would continue on with the addition of you swallowing your feelings. he just wasnât someone you could let go.
itâs been a while since youâve been met with the unpleasant sight of his hands on another, but itâs happened enough for you to know.
you know better than to expect something like that between you and jaehyun. if you could just keep the role of his smoking buddy to yourself, then you were content keeping things the way they are. itâs easier.
itâs nights like these, however, when jaehyunâs actions make it hard.
a warm jacket is dropped on your shoulders as you step onto the house porch, meeting your friend as promised. jaehyunâs looking at you with his deep brown eyes, pulling the jacketâs hood over your head.
âdonât know why you always somehow forget to wear something that wonât get you sick,â he says warmly with a hint of a teasing tone. heâs done this more than enough times for you not to argue.
âno jackets went with the fit.. thank you though,â you thank him as he pulls out his array of joints. he looks through them under the dim porch light when he picks out one holding it in front of your mouth to take.
âyouâll like this one,â he assures. weed is weed, so you donât think twice.
you grasp the joint between your fingers, and jaehyun lights it as you inhale slightly, watching the paper glow. you take a deeper inhale, holding it a few seconds before blowing out smoke and passing it back to jaehyun.
it is a little different than usual. a slightly floral taste and smell invades your senses, almost a little perfume-y but not unpleasantly so.
âwhat did you put in there?â you question, trying to decipher from the smell.
he grins, handing it back to you.
âmixed in a liiitle bit of dried rose petals to the grinder. you like?â he asks, but he knew you would like it when he packed it.
âi do actually, what made you think of doing that?â you fall back into your usual conversation with him.
âjust thought youâd like it, nothin much to it,â he replies, taking the joint from you to ash it. âkinda romantic though, no?â he wiggles his eyebrows at you.
you laugh, letting the high carry the weight of his words from your heart.
âyeah def, the ladies are gonna loove this one,â you joke, masking any bitterness.
he looks at you for a second, gaze seeming to soften before turning to relight the joint, rotating it a few times to make sure it was burning evenly.
ânah, you know i donât smoke with them like that,â he holds up the joint for you to take a hit. you let him hold it as you inhale slightly, and he brings it back up to his own lips.
âthatâs why iâve got you, pretty,â he muses, taking another hit. you canât bring yourself to come up with a smart response, heart pounding as you change the subject to something random.
you try not to lose yourself to your thoughts, but you feel yourself go into autopilot. your body keeps up with jaehyunâs conversation as your mind dwells on his previous words.
youâre special to him in some way, and youâll take it even if it isnât exactly the way youâd want.
you finish the joint, letting it fall to the pavement as you stomp out its embers.
âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â
the next time you come around, itâs a special celebration - a birthday rager for jungwoo, one of jaehyunâs housemates and another host of the house parties. jungwooâs regularly in jaehyunâs rotations, so youâve gotten to know the puppy-like man pretty well. meaning he is comfortable enough to put you in your current predicament.
â__, please please take this shot with me, itâs literally my birthday.â you showed up a little later than usual to the party because of work, but a tipsy jungwoo somehow caught hold of you before you could even get anything in you.
you give in, taking the shot, but the birthday boy is relentless.
âyou need to catch up, okay?!â he hands you another double shot, whining as you look at him incredulously. as much as you cared about your friend, you were itching to find jaehyun. jungwooâs next words make that itch stop.
âstupid fucking jae, ditching me to go mess with some girl.. itâs literally my birthday..â jungwoo pouts, pouring another shot for himself as well.
you still for a second. itâs just another one of those days, you remind yourself. itâd honestly been so long since youâve run into him messing around with some random girl that youâd thought he might have changed.
but he hasnât, and youâre not gonna let that ruin your night. deciding to come out of drinking retirement for tonight, you place your hand on jungwooâs shoulder. fuck it.
âbottoms up, birthday boy.â
jungwoo smiles big, clinking his cup against yours before the two of you down your shots, swallowing down your feelings along with the alcohol entering your system. a couple more friends join you, including mark, and you soon find yourself more drunk than you planned to be.
jungwoo was a convincing host, getting you, everyone around you, and himself absolutely sloshed.
after multiple rounds of shots, a few drinking games, and a body shot between jungwoo and a red-head whose name you canât remember, youâre wasted.
you end up in some bathroom with jungwoo and a few others, jungwoo throwing up into the toilet as you all bring him water and care for him to the best of your drunk abilities.
you donât know how, but you get tasked with taking the birthday boy up to his room. you arenât sure where his roommates are, but you can assume what one of them is up to. it makes your stomach turn.
pushing the thought from your mind, you head up the stairs with your lanky friend draped around your shoulders, somehow making each step.
the red-head, who you eventually remembered as yuta (after he told you), let you know his room was the second door on the left. you stumble into the room, letting jungwoo topple on the bed.
âwoo, let me borrow a shirt, you spilled your beer all over me earlier.â he hums, but looking at him heâs already wrapped in the blankets of the bed, starting to doze off.
you go into his closet, not caring and still drunk, swapping your soaked shirt for a random long sleeve. you go back to check on him, sitting at the foot of the bed while chuckling at his light snoring.
â__?â a deep voice cuts through the room. you left the door wide open when you came in, still a little drunk to think clearly. you turn to see the one you spent all night trying to wipe from your head.
âoops, hi jae,â you greet, suddenly conscious of how drunk you might look.
âhi, what are you doing in my room?â he asks. your mouth opens, no sound coming out.
âis this not jungwooâs room?? the second door on the left?â you question, embarrassment starting to sprout. jaehyun laughs.
âhow much did you have to drink? canât tell your rights from lefts?â you let out a gasp at this, hands coming to your face.
âugh, why did they put me on jungwoo duty anyway?â you mumble into your hands. jaehyun enters the room, standing in front of your sat form. he looks at you for a second, leaning down slightly. your drunk mind jumps right way to something else, but jaehyun passes you to shake jungwoo.
âwoo, get up. go to your own bed,â jaehyun says, shaking him awake. jungwoo grunts, eyes stubbornly shut, but heâs awake. âno more weed for a month if you donât go to your room,â jaehyun tries again, and it works.
jungwoo springs up at the threat, stumbling out of the bed as you watch jaehyun help him to his feet. jungwoo slumps over jaehyunâs shoulders, similarly to how had done to you earlier, and you follow them across the hall to jungwooâs room.
jungwoo lands on his bed with a grunt, seemingly falling back asleep almost instantaneously. jaehyun places a water bottle on his nightstand before turning back to you.
ânice shirt by the way,â he winks. you look down, forgetting what you were wearing, confused at his compliment when you come to the realization.
that wasnât jungwooâs room, so it wasnât jungwooâs closet. you arenât wearing jungwooâs shirt.
âoh my god jae, iâm so sorry, iâll steal another from jungwooâs closet and give you this one back â you ramble, but he just leads you out of jungwooâs room with a warm hand on your back, turning the light off and closing the door.
âjust wear mine, itâs cool,â jaehyun says nonchalantly. âwanna smoke? i can pull out the bong,â jaehyun offers. there are still partygoers downstairs, but you donât feel like joining them.
the sound of a freshly packed bowl is like heaven to your drunk ears, and you find yourself agreeing before you can catch it. you let the reason why you are only seeing jaehyun now this far into the night leave your mind.
you get to spend alone time with him, and it fills your heart with good feelings.
leading you back into his room, jaehyun closes the door behind you as you take in the room. when you brought jungwoo in here earlier, you werenât focused enough to actually get a good look at everything.
âitâs cleaner than i thought it would be in here,â you decide to poke fun a bit. jaehyun rolls his eyes at you. he sits on his bed, patting the spot next to him for you to sit down. you trust jaehyun, but being in his room for the first time is nerve wracking.
your eyes follow his careful hands as he pours some water from a bottle on his night stand into the bong, pulling the bowl out to add the ground leaves.
âhow much did you really have to drink? do you need water?â jaehyun looks at you a bit concerned.
âiâm good, just havenât drank this much in a while though. i think a hit of that might make me feel betterrr,â you point to the bong in his hands. jaehyun grins.
âanything for you, baby,â he says handing you the bong. you bring it to your mouth quickly as he flicks a lighter on to light the bowl. smoke slowly fills the bong and with a quick inhale you take in the smoke in an effort to try and hide the warmth on your cheeks.
âthatâs my girl,â jaehyun murmurs proudly, in awe of how you know your way around a bong. your ears almost miss his praise, but it takes everything in you to not choke on the smoke you exhale. my girl. the words ring in your ears, and your cheeks are burning hot now.
you pass the bong back and forth for a while until your drunken haze has faded into a raging high, and jaehyunâs right up there with you.
you both watch as the other lights up, and jaehyunâs gaze shifts from where your hand grips the neck of the bong to your where your mouth meets its entrance.
thereâs a moment of silence where he seems to be thinking before he speaks up.
âlooks like you were having fun, sure you made jungwooâs birthday so fun, downing all those shots with him,â he recalls.
âyou were watching?? when you coulda just joined?â you question.
âwas busy with a friend,â he replies curtly. it stings a bit.
âright,â you choke out, falling into a silence. after a brief pause, he looks at you with a gaze a bit too serious for his next words as the smoke clouds the room further.
âcanât believe your first trip to my room was with another man,â he says lowly. your eyes widen at this, and he keeps going.
âdunno, just thought the first time iâd bring you up here would be special, and with me.â he finds nothing wrong with his words, pondering as he looks up at the smoke.
âyou wanted to bring me here?â you ask, finally letting yourself speak.
âyeah, why wouldnât i?? youâre one of my best smoking buds, my rose bud,â he says and you recall his last custom blend for you.
âbud..â you say quietly. one of his buds, his friends. he was keeping himself busy with a friend earlier.
the weed creeps up on you as your mind thinks of a million different things, and its either you took one too many hits or there must be leftover alcohol in your bloodstream with the way your words leave you like lightning.
âwould you kiss one of your buds?â
âwhat?â
âi mean, youâve been kissing your friends, so i was wondering if i made the cut.â
his eyes slightly widen, yet still look so heavy as you make out their faint redness and glossed over look.
the high must have taken jaehyun too, and everything moves in slow motion as he crashes lips onto yours.
youâre amazed at just how good it feels to have his lips on yours. his lips are warm, moving slowly across yours as he deepens the kiss further, hands creeping around your waist. your eyes are shut tight and you feel like youâre seeing colors with how heâs taking your breath away.
when his tongue prods at your lips, youâre quick to let him in. everything feels like its burning, from your mouth to the place where his hands meet your hips. and you feel the unmistakeable burning from down below, too.
he kisses you, not letting up until you move to start to adjust yourself over him. his hands move to your ass, and you let out a gasp at his firm grip. youâre sat on his lap, kisses messy and getting deeper by the second.
his hands move to your hips pushing you down onto him as his hips jerk up, and you let out a sweet moan at his hard member pressing through his jeans into you.
his eyes open wide at the sound.
as if awoken from a deep sleep, the sweet sound that comes from you breaks jaehyun out of his lustful daze. he stops kissing you, hands moving back up to your waist to gently guide you back to your original spot next to him.
your disappointment is through the roof, and if not for the substances running through your body, the embarrassment could bring you to tears.
âjae? whatâs up?â you try to set a lighthearted tone, hoping itâs not over, but jaehyun looks you at you with an apologetic expression.
âsorry, i went too far.. iâm kind of gone. weâre both really fuckin high, donât wanna do something youâd regret.â he says in the same curt tone that dampened your mood earlier. âi donât think we should be doing that.â
your breath catches at that last part.
you had wanted to cut him off, saying he didnât need to be sorry and that you actually liked it and wanted even more. but he made it very clear he thought it was a mistake.
suddenly, youâre reminded that those same lips were on anotherâs not even a couple hours before yours, and it makes you sick to your stomach.
your mind starts to ask questions you donât have answers to, but youâre not gonna let yourself sit in the shame of expectation.
you find your quickest escape route, acting as if youâre checking your phone for a notification.
âgotcha, okay. mark is texting me, heâs getting us an uber,â you say, getting off of his bed and scanning your area for any forgotten items. he seems to have something to say, but he keeps his mouth glued shut as you fix yourself.
âhave a good night, jae.â you make your way to the door.
âsee you next week?â he asks as you turn the door knob.
âmaybe.â you walk into the hallway, silently shutting his door behind you.
for the first time since youâve met, you hope you donât see him.
âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â
from that moment on, you decided to do everything in your power to not be around jaehyun. as much as youâve tried to justify his actions, you canât. the rejection burns and just the sound of his name brings up the same queasy feeling.
you decide to skip the next few parties, but after a while youâve been itching to be back in that atmosphere. you debate not showing up to the next party that rolls around, but mark catches you before you can hole up in your apartment.
âdude, you have to go, johnny would be so sad,â mark reasons.
johnny had gone back to his hometown for his own birthday and was gone for quite some time. once he came back, you heard he had thrown a small fit about jungwooâs birthday rager. not only was he feeling left out since he missed it, he just knew he could throw an even better one. soon enough, he texted all the groupchats promising just that.
it was just like him to throw a birthday rager more than a month after his birthday. johnny was just as crazy, if not worse than jungwoo when it came to parties. you knew you would have a good time, but the lingering presence of jaehyun looms over your head.
âif i go, you need to stay with me, mark..â you tell him seriously. he scratches his head.
âyouâre always the one ditching me to find ja-â
âi wonât do that anymore, letâs just go?â you interrupt him, silently praying he wouldnât question you. he shrugs.
âokayy, whatever you say. weâre having a bestie joint tonight though okay?â youâre grateful he didnât pry, and as the two of you head to his party, he lights up that bestie joint you promised.
as you exhale the smoke, watching it rise as you walk with mark, youâre grateful that it alleviates some of the tension you felt returning after being gone for a while.
you can hear music bumping from down the street, and once you reach the house, mark pauses at the sight of a vaguely familiar, yet beautiful girl.
âoh shit,â he says under his breath. âdidnât know she was coming tonight.â
you take a closer look as her face, and you turn to mark with a mischievous grin as you finally recognize her.
yeri. one of jungwooâs coworkers who you met briefly at his birthday. you probably took a shot or two with her, but it was a bit of a blur.
mark, on the other hand, would not shut up about her on the uber ride home. he regretted not getting her number, and was too shy to ask jungwoo, so he hasnât seen her since.
âmarkie-pooooooh.. go get your girl,â you tease him.
âfuck, dude i didnât prepare my heart for this..â mark breathes in and out, calming himself.
âyouâve got this dude, and i can get myself home tonight so donât worry!â you assure him.
he looks at you a bit worriedly. âbut i thought you wanted me to stay with you, are you sure?â he truly is your best friend.
âwe can do this anytime, i need you to get her number before i go and do it first,â you jokingly threaten, and mark gives you a quick squeeze before heading off to talk to her.
smiling to yourself as you see her light up at his presence, you walk into the house, just wanting to get a bit of alcohol in you before finding the birthday boy.
you are instead met with jungwoo, and heâs puppy-like as always. he gives you a big hug, swaying you back and forth in his arms. you can smell the alcohol on him as he gushes.
â__, my hero!!! my heroine?? whatever, itâs been so long, i thought i scared you off!â he looks at you, pouting his bottom lip. âthank you for taking care of me on my birthday, i swear i wonât be messy today..â
you laugh, breaking an arm out of his grasp to ruffle his hair. âitâs all good woo, iâve just been busy for a bit,â you assure.
heâs quick to lead you to the kitchen to grab a drink and a shot or two. after catching up for a bit, he puts on a curious face.
âby the way.. can i ask you something?â
âyou just did.â he rolls his eyes.
âok anyways.. are you and jaehyun like, a thing?â he asks, and you almost choke on the drink youâre sipping on.
âwh-what? no, to me heâs literally just the weed guy,â you stutter out. you could have just said you were friends, but you said the first thing that came to mind.
jungwoo lets out a booming laugh at this, hysterical at the nickname âweed guy.â
âiâm soo dead, he needs to hear this shit, itâll humble his ass,â jungwoo says between his laughter, holding his stomach.
âi already did.â
you both gasp and turn to the kitchen entrance, seeing jaehyun there with a flat expression.
immediately the drunk jungwoo starts hounding him, and your face burns. he was so much more than just the âweed guy,â but you know he probably could not care less.
jaehyun turns to you. it hasnât even been more than a couple of weeks since youâve seen him, but you missed him so bad. he isnât wearing his usual hat today, leaving his black hair to fall over his forehead. his features pull into a glare.
âweed guy? i guess that makes sense from the way you always mooch off me,â jaehyun says a little too coldly.
you and jungwoo are speechless for a second, not sensing any joking tone from him. jungwoo laughs awkwardly, trying to break the tension.
âoh you donât mean that, jae.. you missed her, i mean the past few weeks youâve be-â
jaehyun turns on his heel before jungwoo could finish, and the two of you are left confused in the kitchen.
âwhy is he so pissy?â jungwoo asks, gasping when he turns back to you and sees the expression on your face.
your cheeks burn with shame as you recall all your past interactions with him. you had always been so eager to smoke with him, to see him. were you just annoying him this entire time?
if this was the first thing he has to say to you after rejecting you and leaving you out to dry, you really are not as special as you thought you were.
it hurts, and you canât hide it.
âno, no he didnât mean it!! heâs probably just stressed or something,â jungwoo panics.
as if on cue, the birthday boy who had somehow left your mind strolls in with a full red solo cup. johnny is clearly wasted as he lights up seeing you.
âwhy were you hiding out here??? you didnât even tell me happy birthday,â johnny slurs as he comes to pull you into a hug. his long limbs are not coordinated as the alcohol runs through his veins, and one wrong step leads his cup flying onto you.
you stand there, shocked at the turn of events in the last 10 minutes, as johnny fusses over you. he hugs you as the alcohol seeps uncomfortably into your clothes.
âhappy birthday johnny, i want you to have so much fun but iâm sorry, iâm gonna head home,â you tell him, trying not to make it apparent that youâre holding back tears.
âno, no, let me get you some clothes to change into,â johnny tries, but the party guests are already calling him back into the living room for another shot.
âitâs okay, i got it,â jungwoo butts in, having witnessed everything. johnny tries to argue, but the two of you nudge him out of the kitchen, wanting him to enjoy his night.
the walk up the stairs to the bedrooms is miserable, with you and jungwoo silent as you hold your arms around yourself. once youâre in jungwooâs room, he hands you a hoodie and some sweats.
âiâm sorry, __, i shouldnât have provoked him,â jungwoo apologizes, notably more sober than when you first saw him.
âitâs fine. i just donât know what his problem is when heâs the one who..â you trail off, feeling the tears start to prickle at your eyes.
jungwoo pats your head as a few tears slip. you think it must be the alcohol, but you know youâve sobered up. at his contact the tears just flow.
jungwoo is silent as he lets you cry, not wanting to push you to talk until you initiate it yourself.
your tears have stopped after some time passes, and jungwoo has not left. he places a towel he grabbed on your shoulders, and leads you to the bathroom attached to his room.
âmaybe a warm shower would help, you donât have to go back out there if you donât want to. you can chill for a bit and iâll call you an uber home later?â jungwoo offers.
you nod, grateful for his understanding. if only you liked him instead, maybe you wouldnât be going through this. heâs here taking care of you when he could be downstairs having fun.
at your urging, jungwoo goes back down to the party. he promises to come back to check on you, and rushes down once he hears johnny announcing another house shot.
you peel off your soaked clothes, placing them to the side as you step into the shower. your eyes scan his soaps, landing on the body wash. opening it, you find it has a very woody, masculine scent, but you would take that over going home sticky.
the warm water really does make you feel better, and you spend a bit of time in there making sure all of the alcohol is scrubbed from your skin.
you hear the bedroom door open as you are wrapping up and turn off the water, assuming jungwoo came back to check in.
you change into the clothes he gave you, taking extra care to wipe the signs of tears from your face.
when you the bathroom the one sitting on his bed is not jungwoo.
âwhat the fuck, jae? what are you doing here? whereâs jungwoo?â you question.
âi should be asking you the same thing,â jaehyun bites back.
he takes in your form, skin looking refreshed from the shower and your cozy form wrapped in jungwooâs clothes. his eyes darken.
âso is this your thing? just going into any dudeâs room and stealing his clothes?â
jaeâs eyes shift to jungwooâs bedside table.
âso you and jungwoo are fucking now?â his gaze is piercing through you. in any other case you would be paralyzed by his stare, but it only makes you livid.
all you wanted to do was recover from what the very man in front of you did, and heâs putting you in the interrogation room? hell no.
âitâs none of your fucking business, jae.â you meet his gaze with your own. heâs silent, moving his eyes back down to a box resting on the table, and your eyes follow.
thatâs why he thinks that. sitting there is a box of condoms, and it makes you feel extra guilty, knowing youâre probably cockblocking any plans jungwoo had for the night.
jaehyunâs deep voice cuts through the silence.
âwas he good?â
âoh my god, why the hell are you even here?â heâs ignoring you, and he gets up and stands right in front of you.
âhe must have sucked then, seeing that youâre still standing and heâs down there drinking his ass off with some random chick.â jaehyun has venom leaking from his words. what a hypocrite.
âas if you werenât doing the same exact thing? we arenât like that, so can you just get out?â youâre boiling at this point at his audacity.
âi bet i could do better, so much better,â he says and just like that youâre stunned at his words.
âwhat?â your voice comes out in a whisper, shocked at his implications.
he wraps his hands around your waist, moving backwards as he pulls you closer to the bed. the familiar scent of jungwooâs body wash fills his nose, and he feels anger prick at the back of his head.
âi said, i could do you so much better, baby.â his gaze is the darkest youâve seen from him. youâre still in shock to say the least, body on fire from his proposal and the affectionate name youâve been missing.
heâs fully sat on the edge bed with you standing in his arms, but you donât want to melt in his hands just yet, especially after what he put you through.
you take a step back, glaring at him. a sudden burst of confidence runs through you.
âoh yeah? i donât know.. iâm kind of sore,â you rub your lower back for dramatic effect, challenging him to see his reaction.
jaehyun seethes, tugging you back into him, pulling you so he can lay a sloppy kiss to your collarbone. his hot breath is on your neck and you know he can feel your heart beating.
âhe left you sore, but iâll make sure you canât even walk out of his room without me.â
with that, he angles his head up, lips molding to yours as he keeps a hand on the back of your neck and the other on your hip.
his lips are familiar, but the way he kisses you is anything but. unlike the first time, which started out slow and a little unsure, jaehyun roughly kisses you now with hurried passion.
he flips the two of you over, hovering over you so that he can kiss you even deeper, and you canât help but thread your hands through his hair.
the anger you felt before still remains, but even if you wanted it to, time away from him hasnât changed the fact that you want him more than anybody youâve ever met.
he slots a leg in between yours, pushing up against your core. it doesnât help that you donât have underwear on under the sweats, and you move your hips with him trying to get more friction.
breaking from you with a thread of saliva connecting your lips, he trails down your neck, leaving soft bites. he growls at the hoodie in the way, remembering that it isnât his.
âarms up, baby,â he says, backing up a bit. you comply, and he pulls the hoodie off you, chucking it to the side not caring where it lands.
he lays kisses down your throat to your collarbones and leaves a particularly harsh kiss right above your chest. his mouth moves to your right nipple, tongue flicking it up and down as his other hand moves to knead the other side.
his hands trail down your waist, tugging at the waistband of the pants. he sits up to pull them completely off, reveling at your uncovered core glistening with arousal.
âon all fours,â he instructs, and you quickly flip over, pulling a pillow to clutch. he pulls your hips up, gripping your ass as he admires the view.
ânaughty baby, one guy wasnât enough? still so wet, he didnât satisfy you?â he slides his fingers between your folds, circling your clit as you moan out.
he inserts one finger, wetness gushing around as you take it in, and he moves it around a bit as it reaches the base. just one of his fingers feels overwhelming, and he hums as he adds another, slowly pumping in and out.
âare you sure he fucked you right? youâre squeezing around me like crazy,â he makes his point with a curl of his fingers, feeling you clench tight around his digits.
his fingers move in and out faster and faster as you moan desperately into the pillow in your grip, hips moving with his fingers.
âbet he couldnât even make you cum, pretty, want me to help you out?â he asks, fingers not slowing down in the slightest as his other hand reaches for your clit.
âj-jae, yes, please,â you groan into the pillow.
âthen fucking cum,â he growls, and his hands move even faster and press deeper at your most intimate parts.
the pressure builds and builds in your stomach, jaehyun coaxing you along, and you cum hard around his fingers.
âjae, f-fuck, fuck!â you cry out as he helps you ride out your orgasm. his fingers leave your entrance with a wet sound, and your hips collapse at the lack of his support.
he gets up for a bit, and you hear a rustling sound. you peek over your shoulder to see jaehyun, stripped naked and lowering a condom you assume he grabbed jungwooâs box onto his cock.
you had gotten just a sneak peak of his size from how hard it was through his pants the first time you made out, but it did no justice to the real thing. he is huge.
he comes back to you pulling your hips back up and slotting himself between your legs. you grip onto the pillow harder as he rubs his tip up and down your slit. his tip catches on your entrance and you gasp, legs tensing.
âjae, âs too much,â you moan out at the slight stretch.
âyou can take it, all warmed up for me already,â he says, inching his way to fill you up completely. his grip on your hips is bruising, and you know without his strong hold you wouldnât be able to hold yourself up.
he groans deeply, a sound that seems to come deep from his throat, as he bottoms out, and your eyes prickle with tears at the feeling. he gives you a second to adjust before pulling out fully to his tip, then thrusting back in harshly.
the motion sends you forward slightly, and the air seems to be pushed from your lungs. it feels so good, and you want more.
âfuck me jae, p-please fuck me, oh f-â you moan out, and he obliges, giving you another harsh, deep thrust.
once heâs bottomed out again, he pauses. you push your hips back into him, expecting him to start pistoning into you, but he lets out a sigh before pulling out of you completely.
your heart sinks.
âthis isnât how i wanted it to go..â he murmurs frustratedly.
the same feeling of disappointment and rejection hits you like a train, and this time you canât hold yourself together for long enough to get out of there.
your shoulders are shaking from tears before you know it, and jaehyunâs face falls in realization.
âwait, wait, no, iâm sorry,â jaehyun starts, scooping you up into his arms at the sound of your tears. âgive me a second to explain, baby.â you push at his chest.
âjust say you donât want to fuck me and go, jaehyun, save me the fucking humiliation please,â you let out between your sobs.
he tries to start talking, but you donât let him, wrapping yourself in the bedâs comforter.
âyou must be high, i must be fucking wasted to think you were serious, just like before.â you put your face in your hands, trying to calm yourself and catch your tears.
jaehyun grabs your hands away from your face, leaning in to give you a deep kiss. the kiss is slow and steady, more sweet and tender than any one you had shared before.
when he separates from you, you canât speak. you have no idea whatâs going on through his head, and you want more than anything to just go home.
âiâm more sober than iâve ever been, please just listen to me. i didnât mean it like that, ok?â jaehyun explains. you stay silent, and he takes that as his cue to continue.
âi want more than anything to fuck you, pretty, i wanted to back then and i want to now.â you start to speak, wanting to question him, but he continues.
âitâs just, i know iâm not exactly the, uh, most pure person out here. i mean- iâve done a lot with different people, but with you⌠i couldnât just do what i always do..â he admits.
you raise your eyebrows, still trying to understand what heâs getting across as your heart finds a new spark of hope that you desperately try to extinguish.
âi didnât want you to just be a quick fuck, i still donât. i want to take my time, to treat you like you deserve, and that wasnât the time and place for that,â he explains, looking down at your hands in his with a guilty expression.
â..then why didnât you say that?â you asked him, still trying to process. the spark of hope is burning hotter and brighter by the second.
âbelieve me, i wanted to.. but i was such a pussy about it, i kept telling myself i should wait to talk to you in person, and then you stopped showing up.â he grimaces.
âiâm sorry for acting like a jerk earlier, i wanted to apologize for all of this, but then i saw you going upstairs with jungwoo.. and then he came back down, and you didnât,â jaehyun rambles, trying to articulate his feelings.
âyou could never mooch off me, iâm actually happy whenever you come find me.. you know i always roll an extra joint or two hoping youâll show up?â heâs blushing.
âi hope iâm not just the weed guy to you, because i think.. no, i know youâre so much more to me than just that,â he confesses, finally looking you in the eye.
âi donât know what youâve got going on with jungwoo, but i donât like it, at all," he concludes.
âand what about your friends?â you ask incredulously.
âi stopped fucking around a while ago, way before jungwooâs birthday,â he assures.
âbut.. jungwoo said-â you start.
âfuck whatever he said, he was drunk and i just wasnât feeling social that night,â he recalls that night, wishing it had ended differently than it did. he squeezes your hands.
âi just know i could treat you so much better than jungwoo ever could, than anyone could, and i want to.â his eyes are softer than before, and you melt at his confession.
for the first time in a while, you are glad youâre both sober. you know that what heâs saying is all his own thoughts.
you come closer, wrapping your arms around him, restless heart now full of ease and excitement. âiâm not fucking jungwoo, i was just messing with you because i was angry,â you explain.
he wraps his arms around your waist, head falling onto your shoulder with a sigh of relief. âthank god.. i thought i was going to have to fight one of my best friends.â
you laugh, feeling your heart lighten, but you feel the unmistakable ache from between your legs. you got a taste of him, and you wanted it all now.
âso are you gonna show me just how good you can treat me? orrâŚâ
âoh baby, say less.â he jumps into action quickly, pushing you to lie on your back.
he lowers himself between your legs, nipping at your thighs.
you get shy, and he sees you covering your face with your hands. he moves to grab them, holding your hands at your side.
âlook at me, pretty,â he says in that deep voice of his, and the sight of him between your legs is unreal, hair falling over his pretty face. not breaking eye contact, he brings his mouth down to your core.
your legs start to close and he nudges them back with his chin. he gives you a few kitten licks, testing the water before diving in with the same passion he gave your lips earlier, slurping at your core messily.
he watches your face, contorting with pleasure as your hands strain at his grip, and he moves to lace his fingers through yours, not letting up at all as continues to lap you up.
youâre already sensitive from earlier, and he has you cumming in no time with a harsh suck on your clit and his thumb entering you shallowly. youâre dizzy from the orgasm, and he releases your hands.
as you catch your breath, he lays kisses all the way up until he reaches your face, pecking you all over. you feel his aching hard member at your thigh, and you want him so badly.
âcan i fuck you now, baby?â he asks gently, hearts radiating from his eyes. âiâm so hard i could burst any second now.â
you laugh, still in disbelief that the man you thought hated you is now in your arms like a lovesick puppy.
âanything you want jae, iâm all yours,â you beam. at your words, the energy shifts completely and jaehyun is more eager than ever.
already slotted between your legs, he gives you big smooch before he sits upright to line himself up with your core. he lifts your hips up slightly, and starts to push into you slowly.
he moves his eyes from where your lower bodies meet to your face, watching how your expression shifts with each inch.
âiâm so happy i can see your face,â he muses, breath quickening as he bottoms out with a deep groan, âcan see how good i fuck my baby.â
he moves a hand over your thigh reassuringly before holding your his in a firm grip. he starts moving his hips into you, and the pleasure of him reaching deep into you has your eyes rolling back.
âso good for me, and only me,â he says between his teeth as he pounds into you. the sight of him above you is all too much - body illuminated from the dim warm lighting of the bedroom lamp, neck straining as his hooded eyes never leave yours.
the pleasure is so dizzying and the sight of him has you melting. you reach out your arms to him, and he too melts at the sight of you wanting him in your arms.
he moves over you so he can hold you, continuing to slam into you once youâve gripped onto him. your nails scratch at his back as he hits a spot just right, and it has you seeing stars.
you shut your eyes tight as jaehyunâs hips snap into you hard, feeling pressure build in your stomach.
âah, sh-shit, so close baby. look at me, baby, let me see you,â he groans out, moving to his for arms to hover above you while his hips do not falter in the slightest.
you open your eyes to see him, expression enamored as he bites his lip in concentration. his lips fall into a grin as he meets your eyes. you clench, feeling your heart fill with affection.
âcum for me baby, please, need to feel you cum around me before i fucking explode,â jaehyun grunts, voice deep and strained.
you nod, moving your hips up to meet his thrusts. only the sound of your moans, his grunts, and skin on skin fill the room, getting louder and faster until you cum around him with a loud cry.
he groans loudly at this, feeling himself finish the second your orgasm has you squeezing him too tightly. he thrusts shallowly, riding out both your orgasms as he holds you close, lips meeting yours hungrily.
as he comes to a stop, the two of you lay there kissing, just basking in the warmth of each otherâs embrace. your lips slow against each other, and he starts to give your lips little pecks until you hear the creaking of the door. oh shit.
â__ are you o- WHAT. THE. FUCK.â a red-faced jungwoo stands there in disbelief. heâs clearly drunk, not knowing if this is a fever dream. âreally? in my fucking bed??â
you hide your face out of shame and jaehyun just smiles shamelessly from under his roommateâs covers.
âiâll wash the sheets, just take my room,â he says nonchalantly.
âhell no, iâm gonna crash in johnnyâs, this room better be spotless tomorrow..â and with that jungwoo turns on his heel, slamming the door behind him.
âfuck, i think we really made him mad,â you say worriedly to jaehyun. you feel bad given how jungwoo had cared for you earlier.
ânah, donât worry about it, weâll make it up to him,â jaehyun muses, looking at you before pulling the covers off. he smiles big, dimples on full display, taking in your features and brushing a stray thread from your forehead.
you lean up to surprise him with a sweet kiss, and he returns it eagerly. he pulls back, beaming at you with a slight rosy red tint to his cheeks.
âactually, i need to end tonight with you in my bed and my clothes, so letâs take it back to mine.â he grins cheekily as he nuzzles into you, and you canât help but smile.
âmaybe letâs take a quick shower first?â you suggest, poking him in the side.
in a flash, heâs up, tugging you alongside him as you both make your way to jungwooâs bathroom.
âwhatever my baby wants,â he beams, lips meeting yours as he shuts the bathroom door behind him.
âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â âď˝ĄË âď¸ Ë・â・Ëâ˝Ë・â
a/n: thank you all so much for reading and for everyone who interacted with the preview, hope you enjoy!!! i wanted to post this for 127 day, but it's coming a little late. hope everyone is taking care, shares and feedback are always appreciated! âĄ
â coco â¸(ď˝ĄË áľ Ë )â¸âĄ
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got me confused, got me satisfied - jaehyun imagine
hellooooo. currently on my jaehyun brain rot erađśđśâđŤď¸ this is the bit different from what i usually write... hope you like itđ
if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can dođđ
For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story seriesâ you can check them out here.
: a bit suggestive, fluff, whipped jaehyun
All works are copyrighted Šscarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.
(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)
"What do you give a man who has everything?"
"For Jaehyun? Damn girl, i don't know. What about a good dicking down" Joy says nonchanlantly like you're not having brunch at the moment.
"Sounds tempting" you mumble
"Your presence is a present enough, if he don't want that then I know a list of guys ready to take his place"
You chuckle at your friends words, "I like him though, I like his face, I like his hugs, I like that he likes me"
"You like all of him, it's not so bad too that his secret dream is to be a sugardaddy. Specifically yours"
"That doesn't make me a sugarbaby... does it?" you look over at her
"Girl, you are the definition of a sugarbaby, the lavish dates, the expensive gifts, out of town trips on his private yatch? what would you call that then?" Joy asks back
That got you quiet. Thinking about what you would call your relationship with Jaehyun.
You don't like being confused, it frustrates you. He frustrates you but there's no other man you would run to but him. No man can make you think like him. Here you are slowly losing your mind over finding a simple gift for him.
Smirking as an idea pop in your mind, "I think I got it" you mumble. Getting your bag to go the the mall and get what you need
"Where are you going?!" Joy shouts
"I'm going to make a man cry tonight, see you at the party" you shout back as you walk across the street, Joy just chuckles after you. Whatever it was you had planned, Jaehyun is definitely in for a surprise.
A few swipes of your card, and a couple of hours getting ready you finally make your way to the party. It was already packed by the time you got there, some faces you recognize but more you've never met before. Probably just here to have a good time.
You easily spot Joy amongst the crowd, happily belting out the song with a very drunk looking Jungwoo.
"You're hereeeee" she squeals when she spots you, pulling you by the arm and making you do a quick spin. Your little black dress and the cute matching black ribbon on your hair,
"You look hot babe! Is this Jaehyun's gift tonight?" she teases you, pulling playfully on the ribbon. She's not far off if you're being honest. Shrugging at her question teasingly, you excuse yourself to find the man of the hour.
He wasn't on the dance floor, in the main room or outside. You do find Yuta while you trying to find Jaehyun.
"Here for the birthday boy?" he asks, a beer in hand
"Yep, have you seen him?"
"He's been sulking all night, Joy and Jungwoo kept saying you weren't coming cause you were out on a date" he laughs
"They're evil, it's his birthday" you joke, laughing along with him.
"Go find your boyfriend before he finds you here, don't forget to use protection this house isn't baby proofed!" he shouts, earning a few glances but you pay no attention to them. Making your way back inside the house, you finally see the familiar tuff of dark hair, fair skin and those arms you loved having wrapped around you.
Confidently making your way over to him, he's still looking at the other side of the room where the door was. Like he was waiting for someone to walk through at any moment,
"Waiting for someone?" you ask, catching his attention
He turns his head so fast, you let out a giggle. At that moment Jaehyun didn't care if he looked like he cared too much. He didn't care if his friends were teasing him all night saying shit like you went out on a date and found someone better.
Who the fuck is better. He thought to himself earlier.
This arrangement he has with you is definitely a confusing one, but for you he'd ignore all the warning signs. Heck you could've been the biggest red flag and he'd still happily chase after you like a mad bull.
It's not like you're leading him on, he knows you like him. And he likes you. The two of you like the way you are right now, not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend but you do all the things that comes with being in a relationship. From the cute nicknames, to him driving you anywhere and everywhere, even having weekly movie nights in his room or yours (depends if all the guys are home). No man knows your body the way he does. And if he's completely honest, he would like to keep it that way.
In a way the two of you are lowkey, but nothing about the way you scream his name some nights says lowkey AT ALL.
You catch the way his face lights up, fighting the smile instead showing you a smirk. But you know him enough, he's happy you're here. You're happy you're here.
His eyes rakes over your body, head to toe. He tucks a few loose strands of hair behind your ear, "You look cute" he tells you, noting your wearing that damn ribbon he loves seeing on you. It makes you look innocent but he knows you well enough.
"Happy birthday" you tell him, throwing your arms around his neck to intertwine them. Dragging your nose along his jaw, kissing the shell of his ear knowing exactly what it'll do to him.
You smile when you pull back and see his ears turning red. A rather unimpressed look on his face, you want nothing but to kiss him but you hold back. For now.
"Thought you weren't going to make it" He tries to act nonchalant but his body was on autopilot. His arms are already around your waist, pulling you so close leaving no space between your bodies. If it was up to him, there's still too many places he's not close enough.
For example he wanted to just bury his face on your neck and mark you up for the world to see, let them wonder just who did that to you. He wanted to have your legs wrapped around him, like vice grips every time he pleases you.
"And you look like you're thinking about something else" you tease him, "I got you something" you add
"Told you, you didn't have to get me anything" he mumbles but you just shake your head at him
"Shhh, just this once let me buy you something. Tomorrow you can go back to living your dream of being my sugardaddy"
"Call me that again, I'm carrying you out of this kitchen and go upstairs" he tells you, leaning closer to you until your lips were centimeters away.
"Okay, daddy" you smirk, feeling his arms tighten around you before he lets you go. Confusion written across your face before you see him crouching down, feeling his hands behind your knees he throws you over his shoulder as gently as he could. One hand on your legs holding you while the other hand rest right were your dress stops.
"Hey! You guys! Come back here, we're doing shots" you hear Jungwoo scream but Jaehyun paid him no mind. It's like he's a man on a mission. Mission to ruin you.
He walks down the familiar hallway until he reaches the last door, punching in the code before walking inside. He doesn't let you down, again gently throwing you on his bed.
You laugh, like literally laugh out loud. Jaehyun watches you carefully, waiting for you to say something. He knows you know exactly how to rile him up.
"Now that I got you here, time for your present" you tell him, standing up to get a small paper bag on his table. You probably put it there before finding him downstairs earlier.
"Was this your masterplan?" he asks you
"Kinda, I have a few more lines to use but either way they will all end up with us locked here in your room" you giggle, how can you sound so angelic yet so devilish he will never understand.
"Here, even if you don't like it just pretend you do. For me" you tell him jokingly, taking the bag from you he opens it up to see a box. Inside it was a simple chain necklace. Anything from you is a prized possession to him.
That mug you made him on your second date? his favorite to have his coffee in the morning.
That tshirt you bought him because it had peaches all over it? his favorite shirt to wear at home.
That candle you bought for him to use in his room? still sitting on his bedside table, lighting it whenever you're over or when he misses you.
"Your style right?"
"You saw me looking at this when we went to the mall, was that why you told me not to buy it?" he asks, taking it out of the box to put it on. You watch happily as he finishes putting it on.
And god damn you were right, he looked good wearing it.
If taking gifts makes you this happy maybe, just maybe, he'll let you shop for him more. But in this relationship, he likes spending more on you. From dinners to quick coffee runs to shopping sprees, he's always the one to swipe his black card. He's so damn hot while doing it, you thought.
"Just imagined that hanging over my face, I had to buy it" He chuckles at your reasoning. You saying that so casually as if it was a very normal scenario.
"Is this a gift for me or for you?" he raises a brow at you, he does love the gift. He loves it even more now knowing why you bought it. He already know how this night will end up, making mental note to make that imagination of yours into reality.
"Well that's first part of your gift, close your eyes"
You wait for him to do so, guiding him to sit on his bed. He hears some rustling, tempted to take a peak but he knows you'll scold him.
After a few moment he feels your hands holding his arms, guiding him to stand again. "Keep them closed until I tell you to open okay, I'm serious Jae"
He chuckles when he hears the nickname, it always sounds so cute when it comes from you.
"Okay now open" you tell him.
And when he did, his jaw nearly dropped on the floor. Cute is not the word to describe you right now. Divine, heavenly maybe because he's about to take all his time to worship you.
He should've known there was a reason you wore that damn ribbon. He loved seeing you with it, he knows you know he loves it.
And now here you are, on his bed with nothing but that black silk ribbon in your hair. He will never look at it the same again, he might just end up with a boner everytime he sees you with it.
"You don't like your gift?" tilting your head to the side, hooking your foot around his leg to pull him closer.
"Goddamit, woman. Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?" he breathes out, leaning down so he's face to face with you. Your arms automatically going around him, he can feel you warmth against him.
Is it because he's still all dressed up that why the room just got hotter or because the girl of his dream and reality is lying naked underneath him?
The latter. Definitely the latter.
"Satisfied with your second gift?" you ask him, leaving a trail of kisses from him jaw down his neck then back up until your noses were touching.
"If you wanted this damn necklace hanging over you that much, all you had to do was ask" he teases you, you can feel his hand on your body. It feels like he's leaving a trail of fire with the way your body is burning.
"This is a bad idea, now every time I see you with that necklace I'm afraid I'm going to jump you" he chuckles, finally leaning further down to capture your lips with his. Getting lost in each others kisses, at first you tried to fight for some control but Jaehyun is never one to back down. Not when it comes to you.
That got you giving up, like you always do, letting him explore all there is to explore. It wasn't new to you or him, but his kisses still felt like a man chasing after air.
When the two of you broke apart, you can see already how swollen his lips are. And the two of you haven't even started yet.
"You know what's a worse idea? that ribbon. Now everytime I see you wearing that, this is exactly where you'll end up"
You chuckle, pulling him down for another heated kiss, "Then plan succeeded"
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⥠jaehyunâs fingers thrusted deep, poking your cervix and gummy walls clamping onto his digits. your face contorted, eyebrows furrowing and mouth agape. âthese are just my fingers baby, how will you handle my cock? hm?â you moaned at his condescending words.
you looked down at where he grew, a prominent bulge forming in his pants. jaehyun saw the nervous look on your face, chuckling as his dimples eroded into his cheeks. he leaned in, his breath tickling the shell of your ear âdonât worry pretty, iâll make it fit.â
âj-jaehyun..â
âwhat is it baby?â
truthfully you didnât know either, babbling, telling jaehyun to go faster, harder, anything to make you come. ââs enough, i need your cock.â you cringed internally at how needy you sounded, but it seemed like there was a white haze in your brain, and all you could think about was being filled. âwhatever you want.â he said with a smirk
jaehyun flipped you over, âon your kneesâ tapping your hip as a signal. he grabbed a handful of ur ass, grip firm. you felt his tip prod at your entrance as a he slipped in, eliciting a groan from jaehyun and a muffled whine from you. âmm, so fucking tight, only for me right?â
you nodded, âi need to hear you baby.â
ây-yes! only for you .. fuck, just please move.â
you heard jaehyun chuckle, his thrusts started shy, soon escalating into ones that almost knocked the wind out of you. you wanted to speak, to tell jaehyun how big he was, telling him that you only belonged to him, but all that came was gasps and moans.
jaehyuns hand reached down to move the hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. the gesture was so soft, a complete contrast to what was brutal thrusts. âiâm the only one that can fuck you like this, nobody else, isnât that right?â
âshit! yes jaehyun, only you!â you hoped he understood what you were trying to say, your words coming out in incoherent babbles.
you looked back at him, his eyes were droopy and a half smile adorned his face. fuck. god really does have favorites.
âjust like that pretty, donât stop looking at me.â you felt his grasp on you tighten, enough to leave marks youâd look at in the morning, reminding you of the night before.
you saw jaehyuns brows furrow, and you had slept with him enough to know he was close. his thrusts became sloppy and uneven, and the splicing feeling in your abdomen was becoming apparent.
âyou gonna cum with me baby?â
your mouth went agape, trying your best not to let your orgasm take over you for the sake of jaehyun. âuh huh
a splash of liquid erupts from your pussy, wetting the bedsheets and causing a dark spot to appear. jaehyun doesnât stop, if anything it only fuels him to go faster, each thrust drawing out your high whines and moans.
finally jaehyuns hips stall, with his teeth gritting and head thrown back, you feel warmth spread throughout your abdomen.
âiâm gonna make you do that again.â
â
i recently got my nails done and im struggling sm to type so im vv sorry if there are spelling mistakes!! đ & sorry for being mia for so long, school has been kicking my ass D:
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deadly kiss
chief architect jaehyun x chief engineer fem reader
genre: office au, enemies? to lovers, dom x dom and trying to force each other to sub, romance, smut, fluff
warnings: +18, alcohol, language, explicit sexual content, oral fem receiving, fingering, random sir kink because i was horny like that, use of pet name baby for her during sex, gagging on fingers and sucking, light choking, raw, sex in office, creampie.Â
words: 12k+
have this little something as I warm up back into writing. it was supposed to be longer and with some angst but it has been in my drafts for monthssss and I was sick of it ehaheah enjoy. if some of these things happened to me irl no they didnt :)Â
ââââââââââââ
Present, Monday 2 after the Kiss
That morning you woke up feeling the best you have felt in a hot minute. The sun was shining, the outfit you prepared looked good, you had no trouble putting on makeup that day and your hair looked great. Nothing could have disrupted such a holy morning.
Well, besides a pile of A3 papers on your desk.Â
ЧиŃĐ°ŃŃ Đ´Đ°ĐťŃŃĐľ
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racer
đ staring. Jaehyun x afab!Reader
đŽ preview. You feel like a chew toy caught between two rottweilers, and it kills you to give Jaehyun one last look before turning your back on him, following your brother to his car. Jaehyun is watching you as you get in, and when you close the door, you let out a deep breath you hadnât realized you were holding. âI know, what a killer race,â Johnny grins, starting his engine. âCould have been better though, he could have actually died.â
tw/cw. car crash/injury, Johnny maybe slightly tried to kill Jaehyun, illegal street racing, protected sex, dry humping, blowjob, hand job, pining, praise, slow sex, slight wrist restraint, admitting you love someone while balls deep, sweet dirty talk, hair pulling, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) Lil Suh, baby.
đšÂ rating.18+ explicit I wc. 6.7k
đ aus. street racer!Jaehyun, star-crossed lovers, secret relationship, step-brother!Johnny, etcâŚ
âď¸Â mlist + an. I watched the new Fast and Furious movie a few months ago and this is the outcome
For something thatâs supposed to be illegal, street races are big events. Under the cover of darkness, with the moon high in the sky, it almost feels like youâre at an outdoor party. The pavement is covered in people, and they part like the red sea as your cars slowly dive through, coming to a stop just near the starting line.
âChin up, Lil Suh,â you step brotherâs best friend says, nudging you while people begin to swarm Johnnyâs racing car in front of you. âNothings going to happen to him.â
No one is as confident in Johnny as Donghyuck is, although, itâs not Johnny youâre worried about.
Things have been coming to a head lately between your stepbrother and his supposed âarch nemesis,â a new racer on the scene by the name of Jeong Jaehyun. The past three street races have been inceasingly dangerous, with the two often battling for first even as they rushed over the finish line. Jaehyun had even beaten your stepbrother two weeks ago, and Johnny hasnât been able to get over the loss, his first in over a year and a half.
You have knots in your stomach, and a sneaking suspicion that something bad is about to happen. To make matters worse, you have a vested interest in both of the street racers. Johnny is family - even if heâs not blood - but youâd be lying if you said you didnât care about Jaehyun too.
You hadnât meant to find yourself in a secret fuck buddy style relationship with a racer, let alone your brotherâs nemesis⌠it had just sort of happened, and now, youâre realizing the true depths of the consequences.Â
Getting out of Donghyuckâs car, you watch Johnny move to sit on the hood of his own racer, girls swarming him and running their hands over his fresh paint job. The purple underlights always gained Johnny attention, and theyâd been his signature colour⌠until Jaehyun had arrived onto the scene with a similar aesthetic.
âHow many other racers are here?â you ask, tucking close to Donghyuck while he guides you to your brother.Â
âI think I saw Taeyongâs car when we drove up,â your brotherâs best friend notes, although, with so many people swarming, itâs hard to get a real count just yet.Â
Besides, Taeyongâs not who you care about.Â
Jaehyunâs always had impeccable timing, too impeccable for your brotherâs liking, and a familiar rumble in the periphery draws your attention. The swarm begins to part, and Jaehyunâs car slowly rolls up, coming to a stop right next to Johnnyâs.
Your brotherâs expression had gone from a smile to a scowl, and he watches his nemesis exit the drivers seat. To Jaehyunâs credit, he always nods at your brother. Youâve never been able to ascertain if itâs out of respect for Johnnyâs reputation, or due to Jaehyun being a genuinely nice guy, and the time you spend with Jaehyun is always filled with more pleasurable things than questions of intention.Â
The car that pulls up behind Jaehyunâs belongs to his own right hand man, a mechanic by the name of Kim Jungwoo. With shiny bleached white hair, and a smile big enough to light up his entire face, the street puppy always draws attention to himself, even though heâs not a racer.Â
Jaehyun might not have the liberty to lock eyes with you, but Jungwoo does, and itâs been clear to you for a while now that he knows about what you and Jaehyun get up to behind closed doors. Jungwoo even has the nerve to flash you a wink before going to join Jaehyun on the hood of his car, and the motion isnât lost on Donghyuck.
âHate that dude,â your brotherâs best friend says under his breath.
âHe seems okay,â you sigh, and itâs the most you can defend the street puppy.Â
You notice a small man running around, and he leans close to whisper something in Johnnyâs ear. Taeil is one of the organizers, whatever that entails, and youâve always thought it odd that the quiet, well mannered man would even be a part in any of this, let alone one of the people calling the shots.
âYo, yo, yo! How we doin tonight?!â A loud voice booms through a few speakers placed along the street, and Mark Leeâs familiar way of speaking draws all eyes as the Canadian moves to stand in the bed of his own flashy green truck while everyone cheers.
He doesnât race anymore, one bad accident had turned him off of the streets for good, but heâs one of the best announcers youâve ever witnessed, with a talent for rallying the crowd and getting energy flowing.
âIâm gonna need all the racers to move to the finish line, that means you, Doyoung,â Mark grins, and youâll never cease to enjoy the beef Mark has with the man with red underlights.Â
Taeyong, who had also not been in proper place, begins to roll up to stop next to Johnny, although, he never gets an earful like his friend Doyoung.Â
âWeâre in for a big race tonight, everyone,â Mark announces. âIn pink, we have our very own Mister Lee Taeyong!â The crowd cheers. âAnd in red, as always, Doyoung Kim- boo!â Markâs the only one booing, and heâs also butchered Doyoungâs name, which always make the racerâs skin flash the colour of his car. âIn purple, weâve got the man of the evening, the winner of our last race, Jeong Jaehyun!â The crowd roars, and you feel the vibration in your very bones. âAnd last, but certainly not least, also in purple - you should really trademark that, dude - we have the previously undefeated, the one, the only, Mister John J Suh!âÂ
If Jaehyunâs cheers had been a roar, Johnnyâs are like rolling thunder, and he stands proudly next to his car, waving to his adoring fans before leaning down to enter his vehicle.
âLooks like our guys are eager to get this race started, and they canât be the only ones, lets hear it for our drivers!âÂ
The good thing about being in a run down industrial section of the city, is that there are no neighbours to bother with the deafening sounds. You can be as loud as you want, and you cheer along with the crowd, which begins to move away from the cars as their drivers start their engines.
âWeâve all been here before,â Mark says. âWe know this track. But for those of you who are new⌠ask a friend because I will not be explaining the route.â No one has ever called Mark particularly thorough in his announcements, but heâs comical at least, and many people chuckle.Â
âSo what do you say everyone, should we get this show started?!âÂ
As the crowd erupts, you notice a familiar shorty rushing up to you.Â
âOur usual starting girl is out with a cold, but I know just the substitute,â Mark says in the periphery of your mind, and Taeil shoves a flag into your hand, grabbing your arm to drag you forward. âLets all give a big round of applause for Johnnyâs sister, Lil motherfucking Suh!â
You hate this. You hate it so much.Â
This isnât the first time theyâve made you start the race on short notice, and youâd told them never to make you do it again- but somehow, you find yourself being lifted into the bed of Markâs truck, Hyuck following close behind you. The vehicle is positioned about fifteen meters in front of the starting line, and once you throw the flag, it will lurch into motion, speeding ahead of the cars and giving those of you in the bed the perfect view of the race.
It can be a dodgy position to be in, as one bump can throw you, Mark, or his posse out of the truck- youâd heard about it happening once.
âWhat do you say, Lil Suh?â Mark pulls you back to his chest, securing an arm around your waist, the only true anchor youâll have once this begins. âAre you ready to see some real action?â
He holds the mic in front of you, and you find your gaze shifting to Jaehyunâs car as you take a deep breath. There are certain expectations of a flag girl, and youâre a legacy here. Youâll be damned if you donât make it a show, even if this was unexpected.
âTonight, our city's best racers are here to fight for number one,â you announce, before focusing in on the drivers revving their engines, as is custom. âItâs up to you four to prove yourselves. Be fast. Be safe. And no matter what happens, donât fucking lose! Get ready, racers!â You hold the flag above your head, throwing it into the air as you scream âGo!âÂ
The truck lurches into action, and Mark pulls you tight against his chest, laughing loudly in your ear as you all speed off down the street track. The wind whips through your hair, and Hyuckâs screaming loudly next to you, one hand in the air while he holds on with the other.
It is exhilarating to be in the truck, to be ahead of the cars struggling for first position. Itâs the clearest view of the race- but itâs also not where you wanted to be tonight. Johnnyâs already being aggressive in his driving, giving Jaehyun little space, and your stomach turns again.Â
The cars are quickly gaining on you, and you feel Mark reach back, smacking his hand on the top of the truck to tell the driver to go faster. You let out a squeal of delight, grabbing onto Hyuck when your vehicle lurches forward again, the driver flooring it while pulling slightly off to the side in preparation for the cars to pass.
Maybe youâre overreacting about this, maybe this race will be okay-
Johnny makes a sudden swerve, clipping Jaehyunâs car despite your secret fuck buddyâs attempt to avoid it. Just like that, Jaehyun is skidding, and your heart stops in your chest. At speeds like this, even a touch can send you spiraling, and thatâs exactly what happens to Jaehyun.Â
âFuck!â Mark says loudly beside you, immediately pulling a red flag out of his pocket, and you all wait to see what will happen next-
Doyoung had been right on Jaehyunâs tail, and the sudden speed change has him barreling into Jaehyunâs back, lifting the car and causing it to flip upside down- miraculously, Jaehyun lands back on his tires, but both he and Doyoung clip a shopping cart that had been just to the side of the makeshift track.
Wheels skid loudly, a screeching sound that sets your teeth on edge, and both cars come to a skittering halt on the side of the road, with Jaehyun half up on the sidewalk.Â
The truck slows down, but both Johnny and Taeyong go speeding past, obviously intent on finishing the race despite the collision.Â
You donât care about winners, you only care about Jaehyun, and youâre hopping out of the bed of the truck before itâs even at a full stop.Â
You stumble on the pavement, but as soon as youâre steady, you take off running.Â
The sound of your heart is practically deafening as you run the fifty meters to the crash, and you go right past Doyoung, jumping up onto the curb next to Jaehyunâs car to look inside. âJae!â you scream.
âShh, Lil Suh,â he groans, reaching for the door handle. He looks a little roughed up, and his lip is bleeding- âIâm okay,â he tries to assure you, but heâs obviously winded as he stands from the car, leaning on the door while you rush to support him under his other arm.Â
âJae,â you say his name again, hand on his abdomen as you hold him up.Â
âThat fucking brother of yours!â comes Doyoungâs familiar screaming, as he also exits his car, coming around the front to assess the damages.
âDonât yell at her,â Jaehyun states, straightening a little even as he leans back against his vehicle.
âSince when were you two so fucking chummy?â Doyoung rages, skin a classic tint of red.
âWoah, woah, woah-â Mark has finally arrived on the scene, and he also side steps Doyoung, coming straight for you and Jaehyun. âDude, are you okay?!â
Hyuckâs behind Mark, and heâs watching you with narrowed eyes as he moves to stand by the red racer, not saying a word.Â
You swallow thickly, knowing you should let go of Jaehyun- that if you continue to support him like this, Hyuck will most definitely mention it to Johnny- but you canât bring yourself to pull away from the street racer, so you force your gaze from Hyuck.
âHe clipped me,â Jaehyun says. âJohn clipped me.â
âYeah, he fucked you big time, dude,â Mark agrees, and you hear the approach of cars.Â
Within eyeshot of the starting line, the mechanics there must have seen the crash, and you recougnize Yuta and Jungwooâs cars as they pull to a stop a few feet away.
âJae!â Jungwoo bellows, running over to replace Mark on Jaehyunâs other side. âAre you alright?!â
âIâm fine,â Jaehyun tries to brush it off, but he winces a little under Jungwooâs grip.
âYour car is fucked, man,â Yuta muses, walking around Jaehyunâs vehicle and eying the damages.Â
âThatâs really not what he needs to hear right now,â you shoot at the Japanese mechanic who has no bedside manner whatsoever. He holds his hands up in defeat, stepping back.
âThe race didnât even stop-â Jungwoo breathes.
âJohnny wanted to win,â Doyoung states, crossing his arms over his chest and eying Hyuck. âYour boyfriend did this on purpose.â
âWoah, now,â Hyuck laughs. âI get all the pussy dude- how many times do I have to tell you Iâm not dating Johnny-â
The two begin to fight, and you ignore it, helping Jaehyun to Jungwooâs car. The mechanic does most of the heavy lifting as he supports Jaehyun get into the front seat. Then you turn to walk back to Yuta, lowering your voice. âCan you fix his car?â
âI meanâŚâ Yuta sighs, cocking his head to the side. âSure, I can fix it.â
âThen fix it,â you state, motioning to the tow truck heâd driven up in. âTake it back to your shop, I donât want to look at it anymore.â
âShouldnât I be dealing with Jae on this?â Yuta eyes you suspiciously. âSince when were you two so close, Lil Suh?â
âJust do it, Yuta.â You reach out to touch his arm gently. âPlease.â
Jungwoo arrives behind you. âTow it to my garage,â he instructs. âIf we both work on this, we can have it fixed in no time.â
âWe gotta get to the finish line,â Mark announces, already on the way to his truck.
âYes, we do,â Doyoung agrees, and you can see his hand balled into a fist.Â
When you look to Jungwooâs car, Jaehyun returns your longing gaze, but you know that if you drive with him and his friend, it will be as good as announcing to your brother that your allegiance has changed.
With a deep sigh, you follow Hyuck and Doyoung to Markâs truck, taking your spot in the bed.Â
The finish line is only a short drive away, especially with all your drivers flooring it, and itâs hard not to look at Jaehyun and Jungwoo as they drive behind you.
âWhat happened back there?â Hyuck asks, pulling you to his chest.
âWhat do you mean?â
âYou know what I mean,â he says firmly. âYou and Jae.â
The words that come out of your mouth next are painful, and theyâre only half a lie, âThere is no me and Jae.â
Hyuck studies your face. âThere better not be.â
Despite the crash that had occured, most of the crowd seems to be in happy spirits as they gather around the finish line. They move out of the way as Markâs truck pulls up, and he takes out a green flag, ready to declare the winner.
Two cars come barelling around a turn, moving into another long stretch just before the finish. Itâs a flash of pink and purple, but thereâs a clear victor, and itâs not even much of a battle as Johnny comes racing over the finish line.
Everybody erupts into cheers, everybody except you. You canât find your voice, you can only clap while Johnny does a victory donut or two before returning to the finish line where the racers are.Â
He gets out of his car with a massive grin, and Doyoung hops out of the truck-
Hyuck stops him, holding Doyoung tight while he rages in his arms. âLet me at him!â Doyoung bellows, but your brotherâs right hand man knows better than to allow Doyoung to rain on Johnnyâs winner parade.
Jaehyunâs right hand man, however, knows no such restraint, and you watch Jaehyun approach your brother, the crowd parting to let him through.
âFuck, shit, fuck-â Mark cusses next to you, leaping out of the truck while you follow.
âYou clipped me,â Jaehyun states, hands balled into a fists at his side.
âThatâs part of racing,â Johnny brushes it off.
âMaybe part of your racing,â Jaehyun growls, âBut not all of us are suicidal maniacs like you!â
âEvery driver is a suicidal maniac, itâs part of the fucking job.â Your brother rolls his eyes.
Then Jaehyun is grabbing the front of Johnnyâs shirt, and the taller of the two is looking down at him with a grin.Â
Jaehyun is seething. âIf Iâd had known we could play dirty like that, I would have knocked you on your ass during our last race!âÂ
Johnny leans closer to the angry racer. âIâd like to see you try.â
Jaehyun pulls his fist back, and you know exactly what heâs about to do. You find yourself jumping between them before you can even think about it, pushing Johnny back. âJae, donât.â
His motion stops, and he looks from you to your brother, swallowing thickly. His hand drops to his side, and Johnny lets out a loud laugh. You see the effect it has on Jaehyun, can see his skin reddening with anger.Â
You feel horrible about this. About all of it.Â
âIâd like to stay and chat,â Johnny says, âbut Iâve got an after party to go to. Winners only. Come on, Lil Suh, Iâll take you on a victory lap.â
You feel like a chew toy caught between two rottweilers, and it kills you to give Jaehyun one last look before turning your back on him, following your brother to his car.
Jaehyun is watching you as you get in, and when you close the door, you let out a deep breath you hadnât realized you were holding.
âI know, what a killer race,â Johnny grins, starting his engine. âCould have been better though, he could have actually died.â
âIs that what you were aiming for, John?â You grab onto the door handle, digging your nails against it to stop yourself from acting out.
âNot particularly. I saw the opportunity to take two birds out with one stone, so I did.â He assesses you out of the corner of his eye. âThat doesnât bother you, does it, Lil Suh?â
âNo,â you lie through gritted teeth as the car speeds off to do a victory lap. âIâm not bothered at all.â
âGood, now sit back, and let me show you why us Suhâs are winners in this city.â
You usually like speeding with your brother, heâs a daring driver, and the way he drifts on sharp turns has always been something that brought you delight. But tonight, you canât find it in yourself to laugh, even while he rolls down his window to let out a howl of victory into the night air.
Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you pull it out, skimming the pseudonym contact name you use for Jaehyun. âSlip away from the party. Same place as usual. Be there. Please.â
It had been a little difficult to escape both Johnny and Hyuck from the afterparty, with the latter of the two even catching you just as you slipped outside. Hyuck had been smoking, leaning against the wall, and heâd stopped you as youâd rushed past.
âWhere are you off to?â Heâd asked.
Youâd used the only lie you could think of, telling him, âMy friend just got dumped, she needs me.â
Hyuck hadnât asked anymore questions, and now, youâre arriving at the motel you and Jae use as a meeting point. The lobby boy nods at you as you walk past. âHeâs in room thirteen.â
âThanks,â you mutter, tossing him a five dollar bill from your pocket and taking the staircase two at a time to reach the second level. You donât even bother to knock on Jaehyunâs door, you never do, you simply slip inside, locking it behind you.
Heâs sitting on the edge of the bed, and with his shirt off, you can see the full extent of the crash. His ribcage has a nasty bruise, which is visible under the ice pack heâs holding to his skin, and your heart breaks for him.
âJae,â you whisper, sinking to your knees in front of him to assess the damage. âYou need to go to the hospital-â
âAnd tell them what?â he sighs. âThat I got in a car crash? Come on, we both know that could never work. Iâm fine.â
You reach for the ice pack. âThere could be internal bleeding-â
âBaby,â he catches your wrist, âI said Iâm fine.âÂ
You look up into his dark eyes, and you take a shuddery breath. âIâm sorry.â
âWhat are you sorry for?â Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, brows furrowing.Â
âEverything-â you swallow thickly. âIâm sorry for the crash, and for getting between you and Johnny, and for going to that stupid after party with him-â
âHe knows.â
âWhat?â
âJohnny,â Jaehyun says. âHe knows about us.â
âHe doesnât know-â you shake your head.
âHe does,â the racer insists. âEveryone knows, especially now. Hyuck will tell him about the way you ran to me after the crash. Heâs not stupid. Heâs gonna know, baby.â
âNo one knows,â you say again, but your voice is a whisper now.
âThey all do,â Jaehyun tells you. âThey see it in the way we look at each other.â
You stand up, gazing down at the beautiful street racer who you never should have even entertained, let alone slept with- âHow do we look at eachother?âÂ
Jaehyun licks his lips, tugging at your shirt. âLike two people who want to rip eachothers clothes off.â
âIs that all?â you tease, lifting your shirt up and over your head so his hands can make full contact with your waist, pulling you closer.
âLike two people who care about each other,â he clarifies, voice near a whisper. âI told you, everyone saw the way you ran to my car when it flipped-â
âI was worried about you,â you insist.
The beautiful racer smiles. âAre you finally going to admit youâre hopelessly in love with me, Lil Suh?â
You scoff. âYou wish, Jeong Jaehyun.â
Before he can give you a snappy comeback, you grab his face, pressing your mouth to his gently. He has a busted lip, and he groans, fingers tightening on your waist to tug you closer.
Your knees find the bed on either side of his hips, and Jaehyun lets out another moan of pain as you lay him down against the mattress.
 âAre you sure we should be fucking while youâre in this condition?â you ask, pressing kisses to his throat.
âWeâre not fucking,â he says, applying pressure to your waist that prompts you to grind down against him, feeling the erection in his pants.
âWeâre not?â you laugh. âThen what are we doing?â
âTonight, as cheesy as this sounds,â Jaehyun sighs, âweâre not fucking, weâre making love. And donât-â he cuts you off before you can speak. âDonât try to deny it. We both know thereâs something here. Something between us. You might still be too afraid to admit it, but Iâm not. Not after that crash.â
Who knew a near death experience would make a street racer so sentimental⌠but youâre not complaining.Â
You look down at Jaehyun, and he stares back. Youâre not sure what to say, so you say nothing, instead, you kiss him again, hoping that the motion speaks louder than words.
Youâre doing your best to be gentle with him, but Jaehyun has always brought a side out of you thatâs anything but gentle. These soft kisses are nice though, and he takes your breath away as easily as ever.
Your hands are on either side of the bed next to his head, and youâre trying not to lean on his bruised chest. The ice pack is pressed between your bodies, and the cold sensation is interesting in contrast to his hot lips and the hands that prompt your hips to continue your grinding against him.
Even while your lower halves are both clothed, it feels good to be rubbing against him, to feel how hard he gets from just a bit of kissing. Heâs right that thereâs something going on between the two of you, something undeniable.
You care about him, more than you ever thought you would.Â
Your hand slips between your bodies and you cup his cock, making him moan. âFuck, baby, you feel so good,â he whispers, tangling a hand through your hair so he can pull your head slightly to the side, gaining access to your throat.
âI want to take your pants off,â you tell him, already beginning to get frustrated by his jeans.Â
âThen take them off,â he says simply. âIâm all yours.â
You sit up, gazing down at your brotherâs bruised mortal enemy⌠and then, you begin to work on his belt.Â
He watches you silently, and when you slip to the floor, tugging his clothes off, he lifts his hips to make it easier.Â
Usually, things with Jaehyun are somewhat rushed, but tonight, you want to give him all your time and attention. He deserves it - after your brother ran him off the road - and his cock looks so pretty in the shitty motel light.
âYou donât have to-â he begins to tell you, but you cut him off.
âI want to,â your hand finds the base of his cock, and you trace your thumb up the vein that runs along the underside of it. âJust relax for me, Jae. I want this.âÂ
He lets out a shaky breath, but does as you ask, leaning back against the mattress while you bring your mouth to his cock. You start by licking the tip, and your featherlight touch is enough to have him groaning, grabbing at the bed sheets.
Heâs so sensitive with you, and you love it.Â
It makes teasing him all the more fun, and you continue your small motions, wrapping your mouth around the head while you stroke his length. You swirl your tongue, suckling and earning more reactions from the pretty, bruised man, whoâs completely at your mercy.
âPlease,â he groans, and thatâs all you need to sink your mouth further onto his cock, bobbing your head gently.Â
One of his hands comes down to stroke your hair, and his touch makes you want to please him even more. Heâs being as gentle with you as you are with him, and youâre not the one all banged up from a crash.
Your drool is dripping on his length, making it easier to stroke him, and you apply a bit more pressure. Jaehyun gasps, hips twitching, and you close your eyes to enjoy the feeling of pleasuring him.
Your pussy is throbbing between your legs, and after youâre done working him up like this, you canât wait to ride him. Itâs not often that youâre on top with Jae, but if thereâs ever a night for it, itâs tonight.
âSo good, baby,â Jaehyun moans. âSo good for me.â
His praise has you sucking harder on his cock, and he lets out more sounds of pleasure that go straight to your core.
You continue to work him up with your hand, taking as much of him into your mouth as you can while he struggles below you. Heâs gripping the sheets, hard, and you can tell itâs taking a lot of willpower for him not to thrust up and meet you- but Jaehyunâs never been the type for making you choke on his cock, and you realize now that maybe he has cared about you all this time.
As rough as heâs been with you in the past, itâs always been because you were begging for it, and even then, heâs kept a gentleness in his actions-
You do love Jeong Jaehyun, and itâs almost comical that you realize it while your mouth is stuffed full of his cock.
You pull off of him, your hand stroking his shaft while you take a breath. âI need you inside of me,â you tell him.
âNo more waiting,â he agrees.
You let go of him, standing up and reaching into your back pocket for a condom before taking off your pants and underwear. âCan you move up the bed a little for me, Jae?â
âYeah,â he shuffles up the mattress, watching you discard your bra. Youâre fully naked for him now, and you straddle his legs, tearing open the condom package and rolling the rubber onto his cock.
Then you lean over Jaehyun, kissing him gently, grabbing him with one hand and guiding him to your core. You sink down slowly, and you moan into each others mouths while he tangles his fingers in your hair, keeping your lips on his.Â
Actions most definitely speak louder than words, and the kiss is one that has you even more breathless than before. Itâs not like any other kisses youâve shared with the street racer. This one truly means something, and your pussy flutters just thinking about it.
Jaehyun groans, one hand moving to your hip, and you take it as a sign to move. You begin to bounce on him slowly, revelling in the feeling of his cock filling you up just right.
Itâs interesting to be on top, to be the one in control, and Jaehyun lets you have free range in your motions. The hand on your hip isnât insistent, he doesnât prompt you to go harder or faster-
Maybe the slowness of it, the deliberate movements, are part of what makes this an act of love, not just fucking.Â
Itâs not hard, or fast, or rough, but itâs still making your toes curl as you ride him, your lips locked in a passionate kiss. âJae,â you groan, thighs beginning to burn-
He reads you like the back of his hand, and in one motion, heâs rolling you onto your back. Jaehyun lets out a small wince, and you immediately double check him, cupping his face while he slides the ice pack onto the bed next to you. âMaybe I should stay on top-â
âNo,â he shakes his head, âIâm okay. Itâs my turn to want something.â
âYeah?â you smile up at him. âAnd what is it that you want?âÂ
âI want to make you feel good,â he says, leaning down to kiss your throat, his noze nuzzling your skin. âWant to take care of you. Want to make you cum.â
You whimper at his words, gently wrapping your legs around his hips while he begins to thrust into you.Â
âPut your hands above your head for me, baby,â he instructs.
You follow through, and he captures your wrists against his palm, pinning them to the bed.Â
For someone whoâs just been in a crash, his motions are still quite fluid and rhythmic. His lips continue against your neck, and you gasp when he suckles on your sweet spot.
âIf-â you swallow thickly, âIf it hurts, let me know.â
âOh, baby,â Jaehyun smiles against your skin, âLove always hurts. Iâm not going to start complaining about it now.â
The word âloveâ makes you tingle with emotion, and you gasp as he begins to fuck you harder, pressing you against the bed.Â
âCan you rub your clit for me, baby? Your mouth felt so good, and I donât think I can last that much longer,â he admits.Â
He lets go of your wrists and without a word of protest, you slip your hand between your bodies, seeking out your most sensitive spot. You release a loud groan at the contact, pussy clenching around his cock, which earns a moan from the man above you.
âJae,â you whisper, loving the taste of his name on your lips. âYouâre so good to me-â
âYou deserve it,â he assures you, a hand coming down to your hip, pinning you exactly where he wants you while you work yourselves closer and closer to the edge.Â
Heâs fucking you harder now, but it still feels like making love, and your free hand reaches to tangle in his hair, pulling him from your throat so you can feel his lips on yours again.
You love the way youâre both moaning freely now, and his sounds only add to your pleasure.Â
âIâm close,â you tell him, dragging your tongue across his lip and earning a loud groan.Â
âMe too,â he breathes heavily. âYou feel so good-â
âJust what the doctor ordered,â you joke, and Jaehyun lets out a small laugh.
âExactly,â he agrees. âSex with the love of your life daily, for a week, think you can handle that?â
âJae,â you whisper. âIâm the love of your life?â
âIâd like to think so.âÂ
Heâs being so soft, so vulnerable, and you wonder how long heâs been thinking about this.Â
In your relationships, youâve always been the first one to say âI love you,â the first one to be in your feels- and now you know what itâs like to be on the other side of that. Heâs confident in you, confident in your connection, and it makes your heart swell in your chest.
âI love you too,â you confess, and it feels so right- none of your other love confessions in life have ever felt like this, and you know it must be true.
Jaehyun groans loudly. âIâm gonna cum, baby, you really know how to sweet talk a guy-â
âIâm gonna cum too,â you tell him, gasping against his lips while you rub your clit harder.Â
âCum with me, baby,â Jaehyun says softly, kissing you while you both reach your highs.
Your pussy clenches tightly around his cock, and you moan loudly together, tongues dancing while your bodies move fluidly, like they were made to move.Â
Nothing has ever felt this natural, and your orgasm is all consuming because of it.
Your entire body is tingling with emotion and pleasure, and you can feel that the racer has goosebumps, letting out a small shiver while he fucks you through it.Â
Itâs as if heâs the very air you need to breathe, and youâve been deprived for so long- thereâs a clarity with him, and everything is all the more intense because of it.
Jaehyun groans as you both come down from your highs, and his motions slowly come to a stop, until heâs simply laying on top of you, lips still pressed to your own.
You kiss for a while more, fingers moving away from your clit so you can tangle both hands in his soft hair, keeping him where he is.
âStay here tonight,â Jaehyun whispers, pulling away from you to look down at your face.
âStay here?â you repeat.
âYeah, stay with me. Please.â
Youâve never slept over with him, never passed out after sex in his arms-
âOkay,â you nod.
âIâm just going to get rid of this condom, and then we can cuddle or something,â he says, in a way thatâs almost shy.Â
You watch him, endeared as he disposes the condom and returns to join you, slipping under the covers and holding out his arms expectantly. You move closer, careful about his injured ribs, and you rest your head against his shoulder while he pets your hair.
âIâm going to tell Johnny,â you say.Â
âReally?âÂ
âUh huh,â you nod, feeling very confident with your decision. âYou just told me you think Iâm the love of your life, Jae. Weâve already been hiding this for months, and I donât want to hide anymore.â
âI donât want to hide either,â he agrees.Â
âSo itâs settled,â you smile. âIâll tell Johnny, and heâll just have to deal with it.â
âI canât believe weâre finally doing this,â Jaehyun admits. âI thought about it so many times, but I always figured youâd want to keep it a secret from your brother. That guy has some anger issues.â
âSays the dude that tried to punch him today.â
âAfter he hit me with his car,â Jaehyun points out.
âYou have me there,â you concede with a laugh.Â
âI love you, Lil Suh,â he says suddenly, and it makes you hold him tighter, tucking your face against his shoulder.
âI love you tooâŚâ you put on your Markâs announcer voice, âthe man of the evening, the winner of the last race-â
âI lost the last race,â Jaehyun points out.
âNot to me,â you tell him. âTonight, I think weâre both winners.â
Jaehyun laughs. âYou have me there.âÂ
Johnny stares at you in shock. âSorry, I must have heard you wrong,â he laughs finally, âit just sounded like you told me youâre dating my arch nemesis.â
âDo I have to say it again?â you sigh.
Your brotherâs smile drops. âYou canât be serious, Lil Suh.â
âI am though,â you say firmly. âIâm dating Jeong Jaehyun.â
âDonât you know how dangerous it is to date street racers?â Johnny stands up abruptly. âThey die all the time!â
âNot if you stop trying to kill him!â you shoot back. âJeez, John, you act as if youâve never had a girlfriend yourself.â
âI donât date street racers,â Johnny says, refusing to see the parallel.Â
âYou know, all things considered,â you sigh, âyouâre taking this much better than I thought you would.â
âHyuck warned me this was going on,â Johnny cocks his head to the side. âSaid you were the first person rushing to help Jae after the crash. I guess Iâve been processing it all weekend.â
âSo youâre okay with me dating your supposed mortal enemy?âÂ
âI never said Iâm okay with it,â Johnny points out. âLook, do I hate the guy? Yes. Is that hate founded on jealousy that he might one day be better than me in a car? Also yes. I just figure, if youâre dating him, you can convince him to get Yuta to change his underlights so theyâre not purple anymore.â
âSo thatâs it?â you ask in shock. âThatâs your condition in him dating me? That he changes his light colour?!â
âWe all know purple is my aesthetic.âÂ
âDone, Iâll let him know right away.â
âYou think heâs actually gonna change the colour?â
âOf course heâs going to change the colour, this guy loves me, Johnny-â
Your brother blinks at you. âHe does?â
âYeah,â you nod, swallowing thickly.
âAnd you love him?â
You nod again, looking down.
âThen Iâm happy for you, Lil Suh.â Johnny reaches out, setting a hand on your shoulder. âJust promise not to bring any Lil Jeongâs into the world anytime soon, yeah?â
You find yourself laughing, shaking your head at your stupid older brother. âI promise.â
âGood, because if he knocked you up, Iâd really start to have problems, even if he does change his car colours.â Johnny assesses you. âYou remember what mom always said about condoms-â
âOh my god!â you scream. âYes, Johnny! Weâre being safe! Holy shit- this conversation is so over-â
âI wouldnât be doing my brotherly duties if I didnât make you grossed out. Think of me making that condom comment every time you sleep with him.âÂ
Youâre quick to rush from the room, yelling back, âThat doesnât make things any better!â But you canât help the smile on your face- you canât believe that heâs okay with this, that he didnât punch a hole through a wall-
You think about what Johnny had said, about the jealousy of another driver who could take him on.
Maybe after all of this, they might even be friends. Or, maybe more likely, youâve simply watched too many Fast and Furious movies.Â
âď¸Â mlist + an. thank you for reading! There's just something about this Jae- I had so much fun writing this fic
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đŽ preview. Jaehyun presses one last kiss to your lips, grinning all the while. Then, when he pulls back, he flattens his hand over your mouth. âIf you need me to let up,â he says, leaning forward so he can drag his tongue over the shell of your ear, âjust lick my hand. Got it baby?â You nod, already enjoying the feeling of being held down with a hand over your mouth. You really canât believe youâre doing this in your childhood bedroom with your stepmom sleeping just down the hall- But at the same time, if there was ever a man who would convince you to fuck inhibition and do this, it would be Jaehyun. He just has a hold over you, and youâd be lying if you said you didnât love it.
cw/ tw. Unprotected/raw sex, sex while her mom sleeps down the hall, inklings of impreg/cum/being full kink, hand over her mouth, pussy/cock touching, praise, orgasm countdown, mutual orgasm, dry humping, aftercare, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) baby, angel.
đšÂ rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.3k I teaser wc. 270
đ staring. Jaehyun x afab!reader
bonus
Itâs the first time Jaehyun is meeting your extended family, at a summer barbecue, and so far, the conversation has stuck to general things like steak preferences and beef versus chicken. However, as you all take your seats at the long outdoor food table, your stepmom finally addresses your boyfriend.Â
âSo I hear you street race like Johnny,â she muses.
âYes, maâam,â Jaehyun nods respectfully. âItâs actually how I met your daughter.â
âI guess good things do come out of it then,â your mom sighs, leaning back in her chair, âand please, call me Myoryon or Mama Suh.â She assesses the way Jaehyun sits close to you, his hand holding yours on top of the table. âYou two look good together.â
âThank you, Mama Suh.â Jaehyun smiles softly.Â
âShe looks happy,â your stepmother continues. âIâve never seen her happy like this.â
âThen I guess Iâm doing my job right,â Jaehyun gives your hand a small squeeze and Johnny lets out a puking sound.
âIâm going to lose my appetite,â your stepbrother warns.
âI already have,â Hyuck nods, pushing his food away. âNot that your cooking isnât amazing, Mama Suh.â
âItâs alright,â your mom assures him. âI understand jealousy can upset anyoneâs stomach.â
âJealousy?!â Hyuck bellows, and Johnny lets out a loud laugh.
âWhen was the last time you brought a girl over?â Mama Suh questions, smiling softly even while digging into your brotherâs best friend.
Hyuck sputters, tongue tied.
âAnd how about you, Johnny?â She turns her gaze to him. âIf I remember correctly, youâve called a few times about some arch nemesis being a better driver than you- I assume this arch nemesis is Jaehyun.â
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mine? | jung jaehyun
summary: scared of rejection you never told jaehyun how you felt, accepting the fact that youâd just stay friends with benefits forever, thatâs until things suddenly change
warnings: smut (nsfw), fluff, angsty, creampie (stay safe kids), fingering, abuse of the word baby, talk of sex with others, jealousy kinda, he spits in her mouth once, pussy eating, pretty much softdom!jae (spoiler: happy ending)
pairing: fwb!jaehyun x reader
wordcount: 6k
mark, haechan and jaehyun were having a boys night, just hanging out together in jaehyuns dorm since he had just came back from a four week long study abroad, not having seen each other in a longer while. they were talking, laughing and drinking when suddenly the topic of girls and dating came up.
âdid you meet any cute girls? what about that suri girl you told us about?â haechan asked with wiggling eyebrows, jaehyun dismissingly shaking his head ânah, she was nice and okay to hang with, but really not my typeâ
haechan chuckled knowingly âthen what is your type?â jaehyun only rolled his eyes, glaring at the younger boys as mark had started to snicker too. âno honestly thoâ mark started âi seriously donât get why you still havenât told her how you feel about her, like youâve been sleeping around for what, two years now?â haechan agreed âthereâs literally nothing to looseâ âactually there isâ jaehyun argued âif she rejects me iâll first off loose the only way i can cum and more importantly iâll loose one of the closest friends i haveâ
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jaehyun + 75 and like, yn is the one who says that while jae is cumming in her (they've been going for like 2 rounds now and he's showing no sign of feeling tired/stopping)
75: âthatâs it, keep cumming.â
you could barely hear yourself over the sound of the bed creaking, unable to handle the pressure of your bodies. youâd switched positions for the umpteenth time in the lengthy but irrevelant amount of time youâd been fucking, your finger nails digging into the pad of his broad shoulders. previously, theyâd been dragging red lines down his back.Â
you could see the sweat on jaehyunâs forehead, but the determination furrowing his brows. his hands clutched your hips, steering your movements from below you, his grip tightening every time your cunt squeezed him.Â
it drove you mad to hear those guttural groans escape his mouth whenever you clenched around his thick cock, curses of your name spilling from his mouth. the same way it drove him mad with lust when your velvet walls tightened around him, your warmth kneading his girth for the nth time.Â
but from the looks of it, he had no intention of stopping. not until you were begging for him to.
âfuck,â jaehyun grunted, his voice low and deepening. âgonna cream this pussy.â
âplease,â you begged, your voice weak. probably from crying out his name over and over, and over again every time he brought you to climax.
jaehyun teased, âyeah? you like when i fuck you full of my cum?â
âmm-hm,â you hummed, feeling yourself get close. you wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning into his body. your hot, sweaty bodies were stuck to each other, like you couldnât tell where he ended and he began. you added, âyou like it too.â
âdamn right i do,â jaehyun said, mesmerized by how utterly good you felt choking his dick. his dick twitched at that the thought of filling you up all over again, wanting to breed you until he had no more cum left to spare, until you had utterly milked him dry.
it was a little too easy to lose track of time when you were so focused on how it felt to be so close to each other, taking each other in. you more literally. you didnât know how long you had been at this - all you knew was that it felt to good to quit now. he was hitting you in all of the right places, making you tremble and shake, and hold onto his body to anchor yourself, like you would drown below water if you didnât keep your hands above his shoulders.Â
jaehyun was close. you knew it. you could feel it. it was easy to recognize, because he would become less like himself and more like a beast of habit. you leaned into his ear and purred, âfuck me full of your cum. i want it so bad, jay. fuck. please?â
jaehyun groaned, holding your hips even tighter as he used you to get off. with a few more words from you, he was finishing inside you with the deepest sound you had ever heard coming from the very back of his throat, dumping his warm load inside you while his fingers bruised your hips.
âthatâs it. keep cumming,â you whispered, moaning at the feeling of his seed against your walls. there was so much of it - there always was.Â
 but you knew from the dark look he gave you that he was far from finished with you, and in seconds he was on top of you again, pulling out only to fuck his cum back inside you again.Â
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lurk â j.jh
prompt. âlast thing that we should do is go slow.â â lurk, the neighbourhood
pairings. jung jaehyun x female reader
genre. smut, pwp, fwb!au (minors please do not interact)
warnings. *clears throat* jealous soft dom!jaehyun x brat-ish reader, making out, dirty talk, breast/nipple play, fingering, hair-pulling, public sex, clothed sex, praise kink, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, the world is overpopulated), aftercare :)
word count. 4.3k
notes. the amount of feedback the teaser for this received really knocked the wind out of my lungs. thank you!Â
Often you wondered how you were never worried that the decisions you made landed you in more bad situations than good ones. You had an addiction to the thrills in life; an irresistible urge to dance with danger and when it came waltzing into your life in the form of Jung Jaehyun, you knew you didnât have it in you to say no.
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Under your skin
Images taken from here and here.
Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader
Genre: smut, pwp, romance, angst, a little bit of fluff
Warnings: 18+, fuck buddy Jaehyun, unprotected sex, oral (male and female receiving), fingering, thigh riding (brief), seduction, semi-public sex/sex in risky places, reader is a slight exhibitionist (likes the risk of getting caught, not actually getting caught).
Word Count: 11.3k of smut and angstÂ
Summary: Isnât it really complicated when one fuck buddy starts catching feels and wanting more? But is it you or Jaehyun?
A/N: Jaehyun stans, I heard you and I had to feed you đâ
Somehow, the two of you would always find yourself in a situation like this.
Jaehyun doesnât know what it is. But itâs like heâs always hungry for you, although hunger doesnât seem like a plentiful enough word for what you guys do. Like your presence isnât just that⌠a presence but a pull. Like your mere scent is the Pied Piperâs tune that hypnotizes him and before he knows it, he is all over you. He thinks you feel the same. Why else would you be pressed up into him, panting a hypnotic rhythm in his ear while his hand strums into your warm desire?
âFuck, I want you bad.â He whispers at you as if his hands werenât conveying the message convincingly enough. So he puts them to more work, feeling your breasts over your button down shirt, pulling you closer into him till there is no gap left between your back and his chest.Â
âJaehyun, we shouldnât.â you say weakly, but itâs not a protest as much as it is an erotic declaration. Of course you shouldnât. Jaehyun knows it is foolish to be doing this here, in an editing room in the middle of a work shift. Of all the places you had sneaked around in before, this is perhaps the most high-risk.
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