pebblesinyourshoe

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Don’t Blame The Bat

“I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?” Yogi Berra

Yogi Berra, New York Yankees Hall of Fame catcher, is remembered for his sayings that defy logic.

It’s hard when others misstep and get mad at ��the bat” instead of themselves or their own child. It’s equally important we all don’t blame “the bat” and instead look inward when there is a situation which arises that may require reflection or a change of our own or a change of a loved one’s course of action. The bat isn’t why we are in slump or difficult spot. The bat is just wood. The person swinging it provides the energy.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

You Need The Dryer To Work

You need the dryer to work. It’s one of those things that is just there and you don’t give it extra thought. Despite how busy your life is or how upside down it is because of circumstance, when the wash is done, you take out the wet clothes, feed them to the dryer, turn it on and walk away. You don’t have to give that portion of time extra thought.

This is the time of year we all need the dryer to work. We have many events in motion and many responsibilities pulling us in different directions from our normal course. What allows us to function is that the dryer works. The procedures, expectations, and processes that we have in place are followed by those in our care and we are following them as well. Because when we stray from what is agreed upon as standard practice and protocol and either disregard, loosen too greatly, or change the day-to-day basic expectations agreed upon by the collective whole, it’s like pushing the button to start the dryer filled with clean, wet laundry on the way out the door on a busy day and the machine not working. We are left with one more task to address that before required no head space but now has crowded itself into an already tight line.

Our patterns and procedures are like our dryer at home. When they work, we don’t think about them. When we stray, there are wet clothes in a pile. We all need our dryer to work.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Unearthing the Past

If you have ever cleaned out closets or purged cabinets there are items that emerge from their depths that may spark a memory. These items also may have served a purpose at one point in life or had been offered or purchased with an intention that was useful and needed at the time, but no longer in demand. Sometimes uncovering a hidden treasure is a watershed moment when an item once thought lost was found. Most times, however, the item has made the long, slow journey to the depths of the cabinet or space because it is not needed at the moment, time ran out for its use, or it is too hard to part with because 'I might need it again in the future'. The Art of Subtraction is the process of removing things from your life that no longer serve you. Sometimes you add by subtracting.

The thing about closets and cabinets is that they hold memories of past needs and also goals met. What happens many times as the contents are sifted through is a reflection of current need and the question about future importance. Many times the hardest decision to make is to part with an item or items that once was so very important or had required so much sweat equity and resource to attain.

There is a good feeling one gets when the cabinets or closets have been put back together and everything once again has its place. Unearthing the past has moments of joy and an equal number of moments of reflection. I sometimes find myself pining for a time gone by and clutching onto an idea or item because it held meaning or worth it no longer possesses. It is at times like these that I try to reframe my story and realize that as much as I liked that Kodak Disc camera or that 16 ounce soda bottle stopper in the past, the current story doesn't require its service. Most times what has taken its place is an improvement; sometimes it's not. But as summer approaches and a few cabinets and shelves on my bookcase loom in the horizon, I know that after reflection and thought, I will have a better idea of what I have and what I truly need. The hardest part of the journey is opening the cabinet door and having a box for donations or removal by your side.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

That Darn Tomato Seed

I have this light green lime-sherbet colored polo shirt that I wear on occasion. It's the kind of color that you don't see all the time when purchasing a shirt. It's one of those shirts that is lighter than my typical color palette, but lacking the vibrant bright of some other shirts in my closet. The shirt is a bit of a risk for me. I avoid white shirts for two reasons. The first reason is that I feel like I look a bit similar to the "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" from Ghostbusters in a white shirt. The only time one should see that much white is from a bed sheet hanging on a clothesline to dry or when a large schooner ship unfurls her sails on the open seas. A lot of white is not necessarily the best look (at least in my opinion). The other reason the shirt is a bit of a risk for me is because I have this idea in my head that if I wore yellow or wore white inevitably something would spill when eating and appear like a scarlet letter of shame across my chest.

What happens with the green shirt is that I typically make it through most of the day without incident. However, there is always something that gets me. One time it was the spray when I was washing down a dish. Another time it was the splatter of sauce that popped from a saucepan on the stove. Tonight it was a stray tomato seed. Just a tiny seed that squirted from a sandwich with me leaning over the table taking all necessary precautions. The seed sat there and I tried with the skill of a five year old holding the tweezers in the game of Operation to remove the seed without incident. I failed. The girth of my right pointer finger caused the seed to move a bit and I tried again and failed again and again and before long, the light green shirt wore what looked like a faded cigarette burn on the chest. That darn tomato seed.

I will try to shoot the shirt with Spray n Wash. I will hope for the best. I know where this is headed, so I should just cut out the middleman and take it to the dry cleaner with my head hung low in shame. But I will try to salvage the stain from the cloth before yielding to a higher power. Someone with more skill will rescue me from the blotch that screams 'Slob'. And I will try again to wear the light green lime-sherbet colored polo again. Because life is a series of risks, is it not?

[pebblesinyourshoe]

The Nose Knows

I'm getting better at using the voice-text feature when I drive. It's nice to say, "Text..." and then speaking what you want to text and having it repeated then sent. I'm faster that way than I am typing the words. Sometimes I feel a sense of accomplishment when I can send off three or four texts in a row that needed to be sent but I had not found the time yet to send. This roll is great until allergy season hits.

Yesterday I messaged with a congested and full nose a sentence beginning with the word "Many". Of course Nasal Mike made the word sound like "Betty". I sent another text with the word "parent" in it. It read back "parrot". Then you have to send a follow up text that says the word you wanted. If you've ever tried to enunciate clearly on the text-speech on the car device I found myself speaking louder and very robotic. M A N Y - emphasizing every sound and syllable. I know I sound stupid. I can hear myself.

I need a mode on my phone called "Allergies" that accounts for normal words that sound differently when your sinuses are filled and your pronunciation comes across less clear than normal. I guess it's one of those 'First World Problems' we always hear about. A great thing that was unimaginable five years ago that now we 'just wish was a little bit better'.

Until the pollen settles, fair warning. You might receive a text message from me that has a stray word or two that just doesn't fit. I haven't lost my mind. Honestly. I'm just dealing with a snootful of congestion that will eventually pass. Until then, I beg for business... I mean forgiveness.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

"I Don't Need A Lanyard"

If you have ever been on a cruise you know you get these cards that open your door and also are like your ticket to bankruptcy because you swipe it to get a soft drink or if you venture into a gift shop or if you feel adventurous and wander into a casino. These 'Sign and Sail' cards are linked to your credit card. They also allow you to open your door and navigate the ship.

Most people keep their 'Sign and Sail' card tethered to them using a lanyard. Hanging around your neck, this appendage offers you a chance to keep hold of your card without losing it. It also is a reminder of what it is like every day at your employment with the ID card that serves a dual purpose as a keyfob/copy machine activator. This year, I took the brave stance. "I don't need a lanyard!"

So I decided I would put it in my pocket when I ventured out and would just live vicariously. This was wonderful until it wasn't. I came back from breakfast one day and "Nope" no card. I had to call for guest services to let me in then go down and get another card. I was made to feel a bit more assured when I saw the box of other cards lost this cruise so far. Lesson learned. I've got this. No lanyard. Until the next day when again, I went out and it came out of my pocket.

By this time the cruise was ending and I thought to myself, "Just be careful." Actually my wife took up the slack because I couldn't be trusted to do the right thing. It's good to have someone who has your back. I still don't want to wear a lanyard around my neck on a cruise. Which tells me I have to secure my things better. It also tells me that sometimes I have gotten sideways with a child or someone for losing something and despite my best efforts, didn't lose the card just once, I lost it twice. Life has a way of giving you some humility. I am hoping when the time comes for someone in need, I offer a similar bit of grace as the people who so nicely printed off a new card for me ... twice.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Time Seems To Tick Faster Right Now

This is the time of year when it feels that time ticks faster than it usually does. We have reached the halfway point in the month of April. We will turn a few corners and blink our eyes a few times and we will see the tape marking the finish line.

This time of year the sound of the ticking clock becomes louder. Process fatigue can tempt us to skip protocols. The ticking clock can tempt us to forgo patience and snap at someone instead of breathing and then reacting. The feeling of a faster ticking clock can tempt us to hear only our own voices and not listen to the stories of others despite knowing that everyone’s story matters. The tick, tick, tick can tempt us to think about next year and forget what still awaits us this year. Resist these temptations.

We’ve all seen teams who have held a lead only to lose it in the final seconds. We’ve seen runners lessen their stride in the homestretch only to be overcome by a fast charging competitor. The clock still ticks 60 times each second before the minute hand turns. The minute hand moves 60 times before the hour hand jumps. Time seems to tick faster now, but it’s just a feeling. Stay focused. Dot your i’s and cross your t’s. Finish strong.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

They Both Cried

The teacher brought the student to me. She was shaking with excitement but had a glimmer of moisture in the corner of her left eye. The boy stood with wide eyes. The teacher held a slip of congratulations and a transparent container with various bite-sized candies. The boy didn't seem worried that he stood in the principal's office, but also wasn't sure why he was here.

"We have some great news. Antony has passed his IREAD test!" the teacher explained.

The boy beamed with pride. It is, after all, a big accomplishment. The teacher offered the slip of congratulations and a hug.

"Remember I told you I had good news and bad news?" she went on. The boy shook his head in acknowledgement. "The good news is that you passed the test. The bad news is you no longer need to come see me," the teacher answered as tears welled up in her eyes.

The boy began to cry. They both cried. "I have been with you since kindergarten.You are now a third grader. You have done so very well. You don't need me anymore. Other boys and girls need me, but I am still right down the hall," the teacher explained.

The boy hugged the teacher. "This is the hard part about my job. I work hard with you and then you don't need me anymore. That means we have both done our job. Don't worry, we will still see each other, but you have a lot to be proud of," the teacher answered as she hugged the boy.

The exchange showcases what we truly want for our students - they are in the care of those who need them until they don't. Our job is to teach, encourage, love, and support them, and then pass the baton forward. Some students need no help out of the starting gates. They run like the wind. Others need more coaching and then the tricky part for us adults is to let them go when they begin to run with a comfortable stride.

A staff focused on a singular mission of helping students learn while growing them into safe and kind citizens. That's what it's all about. I'm proud of the youngster for making the mark. I am equally proud of the staff member who grabbed hold of the youngster with passion and determination and refused to let go until it was time. And that like all mamas when the babies are ready to leave the nest, set him free. The tears from both mean safety and connection had been found. That will remain. But now the boy is soaring on his own and that is an amazing accomplishment for sure.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Covering My Ears

You can learn a lot from a kindergarten student. Sometimes you wish their minds and their world actually applied to reality. Recently there was a child who had misstepped and the teacher was addressing the concern with me and with the child. The six-year old covered his ears when the teacher was telling me how he had misstepped.

In that moment the hardest thing to do is to not laugh. Because, in the mind of the six-year old, if I cover my ears and don't hear the bad thing, it doesn't exist. We often are asked for our one super power. People choose flight or the ability to run fast or even to be stronger. I'm thinking, after watching that little one, that the power to close your eyes or your ears and all the bad things around you could just go away wouldn't be such a bad choice either.

It's amazing what little ones do to make us think.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Take Pride In Little Things

I walked into the cafeteria yesterday and saw the floor strewn by spork packets. The bathrooms had paper towels on the floor when I walked down the hallway. There was a lack of the little things. Then I saw a student see a piece of paper on the floor and bend over to pick it up. A few minutes later four fifth graders and I wrestled with the flag that wasn't quite hung properly. Taking pride in the little things stand out when they are not being done. They also stand out when they are. I have been saying a lot lately, "We can do better" when it comes to the little things - the lonely work - the touches that make the normal seem above average or exceptional. It requires us all to take pride in little things. It also takes us all expecting this pride and reinforcing it when we see it. There are many opportunities for us all to take pride in the little things. Look for them today and reinforce this excellence. Because excellence breeds excellence and a little thing can snowball into many different little things which is how an epidemic of pride.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

No One Runs The Mile Run For You

When I was in ninth grade I broke my finger. The doctor sent a note excusing me from physical education for six weeks, but the teacher said, "Your legs still work, you can run during this time."

My physique then was similar to my physique now, but I was shorter - picture me as Shrink Art of my current self. I played and was outside a lot, but I wasn't a runner - challenged by flat feet, low stamina, and honestly not gifted athletically. So the prospect of running was both horrifying and a challenge.

I ran each day - one does as she/he is told when the teacher asks it. My mother supported the teacher - as one should do. So for the next six weeks I ran. The Benton Central High School gymnasium is called "Arena Gymnasium" because it has a lower seating area and an upper seating area. One could run around the top while the PE classes went on below. So I ran. Only I could run.

I think about this six weeks span occasionally when I am working with a student or trying to guide an adult with his/her child. You see, no one could run the mile for me, I had to do it myself. I couldn't count on my parents to bale me out and run the mile for me. I couldn't count on someone else to do it for me. Instead, I had to run the mile on my own. There wasn't anyone who could save the day. And I survived.

We want our children to have opportunities. We also want our children to not have to experience hurdles that we had to face. However, there are many moments in life where no one runs the mile for you. You just have to do it yourself. And the thing about the run is that at first it is hard, but after you do it a bit, it becomes easier. It may never be something you truly enjoy, but you survive and you come out on the other side because challenges in life cannot be avoided and we sometimes just have to lace up our running shoes and pound the pavement.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Finding Moments

We have to find moments in our day and our week that are simply "ours". These moments may be "ours" alone or these moments may be with a loved one or friend. Sometimes these moments come with planning like a dinner out or an event you or your group has been waiting to happen. Other times, these moments are spontaneous and gentle like a ride in a car and a wonderful conversation or simply sitting in the presence of your loved one watching television or talking.

Today you will find such a moment. Your task is to pause when you are in it, recognize it for what it is, don't stop its flow, but enjoy it for what it is. A moment together with those you love. These moments are special, don't have to cost you anything, but will stay with you a long time if you are reflective of them.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Lessons on a Forearm

About a month ago I reconnected with an acquaintance I had known twenty years ago. During the conversation, as conversations do, her forearms moved around and I noticed a tattoo on the inside portion of her arm. It distracted me, not because I hadn't seen a tattoo before, or because it was inappropriate (some lettering into a word or phrase - I didn't stop and ask), but because of the arm it was attached to. You see, this individual had spoken very strongly when I knew her previously about the awfulness of tattoos and how it wasn't professional to have one and other words that made me very clear on her stance. So the fact that her arm now adorned one was something that kind of stuck in my shoe. I was distracted.

I didn't say anything and I have since thought about it. I have been there myself with very strong beliefs that I have and may still share about certain topics. The tattoo was a reminder that years, experience, and sometimes a larger world view changes one and one's outlook. It also was a reminder to me that sometimes words are spoken in judgmental ways and these words stick to a person like glue. It would have been as judgmental and wrong for me to point out the change to the person as it was for that person for voicing her such strong beliefs without regard for another person's viewpoint all those years ago. I think about how I have certain biases, blind spots, and viewpoints now and how they have changed over time in some cases. I also navigate and have taken in really strong comments from people who have passed judgment about nose piercings, tattoos, social issues, and other beliefs only to see that later, personal circumstances or some need arises, these views change. Sometimes it is difficult to untouch these strong opinions once they are shared so freely. Sometimes, we wear these changed opinions on places like our inner forearm. Maybe that's good. We all can use reminders in our world about what we think matters today and how these same beliefs truly don't matter a few years down the road.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

It's Not Really Hard To Do

"Hey, what's on your mind?"

"Checking in."

"I see you were out a few days, are you feeling any better?"

A quick check in with those around you. It's not really hard to do. It takes very little time but is also something that honestly most often is well-received. We all look for cheap and easy wins in life. Sometimes just looking up and asking others around them how they are doing makes the biggest difference. I have been reminded of this fact a lot lately and have had some wonderful dialogues with meaning. I encourage you today to find time to ask about a friend or a colleague. It is most often rewarding and it's not really hard to do.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

It's OK

As hard as this is for some to believe, we aren't perfect. We miss the mark. We make mistakes. We try, but come up short. We complete a project and realize it isn't quite what we had hoped.. Life is filled with imperfections. Imperfections are part of the human DNA.

What isn't part of the human DNA, at least at its surface, is self-compassion. Being self-critical is the natural default for many of us too often.

"I'm a failure."

"I missed that obvious solution, I am probably washed up."

"I blew it. Why do I try?"

The list can go on. What we need to do is add a qualifier: "It's OK".

"It's OK, I failed on this attempt, I'm still a good teacher."

"It's OK, I missed the right move this time, I'm still a good problem solver."

"It's OK, I slipped up, but I will continue to try hard."

"It's OK" Add this two-word phrase to your vocabulary. They offer you grace and a reason to keep moving forward as an imperfect person in an imperfect world..

[pebblesinyourshoe]

The Cordless Sweeper

While sweeping the floor the other day, I was reminded of how far we have come technologically in terms of sweepers. The sweeper I push around at home is small and lightweight. It is also cordless. Gone are the days of pulling a cord around the house, stopping and having to unplug. Instead, I can jet around the house with my sweeper and with the small size, reach places that were once not reachable without moving pieces of furniture or an act of Mother Nature.

When the sweeping is done, there is just a canister to open and the dust and particles to dump into the trash. Remember the bags we used to have to buy and change on sweepers? And the sweeper today gets more dirt up than any I remember as a child. The advances are amazing.

Which leads me to the adage, "I miss the good old days." I must admit that there are good memories that I miss. Simpler times with people I loved. But memories are a tricky thing. We remember the good. We often have memories of the bad, but they don't bubble up when we wax nostalgic. Too often we aren't honest with ourselves.

The cordless sweeper makes me think about what once was and what is now. It also makes me think about what it means when we say, "I miss the good old days." While I miss many pieces, I sure don't miss dragging a clunky cordless sweeper around the house and emptying the bag about once a month. There are many of those things from 'the good old days' that I don't miss. I must remind myself to not paint broad strokes that all was better in the past. Because it all just wasn't.

[pebblesinyourshoe]

Doing Good Is Good For Us

"There is good in us, and it does good for us." Jami Zai. In a world trending increasingly toward the "I" over the "We", these words hold value. There is inside of us all, good. How we show that good to others and our willingness to make that our default says a lot about us. It also has health implications. Science shows that when we offer good to others, we in fact help ourselves. The act of helping someone else actually has positive health implications.

It is easy to get hung up in our own wants and needs and forget about those around us. There is nothing wrong with finding self care, while also lifting your eyes up to those around you. Look and listen. Offer what you can in terms of good. Because your actions and offers of good help others and in the process, you are helping yourself. Live life fully and do good whenever possible.