penisbilt

[penisbilt]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[penisbilt]

alright how can i take this song completely out of context to fit my ocs 💭

[penisbilt]

some alternate outfits and light redesigns for some of the ladies

[penisbilt]

hey systems I would advise you to keep a certain number of things out of your bio because OSDDID inherently says a lot about your past and triggers so there are certain details only your close friends should know, and not just anyone perusing the internet

your age - predators are more than happy to fake their age to match yours. Being young and plural are unfortunately traits prone to manipulation

your headcount - aside from assholes fakeclaiming you, people can take it and use it against you.

who your trauma holders are, and, more generally, the roles of your alters. it's basically telling abusers who to target and who to avoid

any information about your littles whatsoever. For all the world knows, you have none. same with who age regresses.

any system descriptors beyond DID/OSDD1/PDID/etc. the internet does not need to know if you have complex DID or something like that; it's your trauma.

what your triggers are. people will try to trigger you on purpose. this includes front triggers

all your other disorders, particularly personality disorders - abusers can try to make you dependent, "favorite" them, avoid others, etc.

These aren't rules, and there are obviously different situations that call for different levels of privacy. Just use your judgment: who can see this? anyone who came across my blog or people I friended on simply plural? trusted friends on simply plural? Systems are very vulnerable to further abuse because of their fragmentation and trauma mindsets. Don't let anyone take advantage of that.

[penisbilt]

can confirm: yurkey

POV you have a chihuahua who loves you

[penisbilt]

boys :)

[penisbilt]

🐛1 baby buge

[penisbilt]

hi tamo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[penisbilt]

🐛1 baby buge

[penisbilt]

hi tamo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[penisbilt]

boys :)

[penisbilt]

wtfffff i was reorganizing my files on my tablet and came across some cute fairy designs i drew and evidently completely forgot about... now that i'm tying to get back in2 furry art maybe i'll draw them more

[penisbilt]

boys :)

[penisbilt]

hi tamo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[penisbilt]

hey i updated my neocities homepage for the first time in like 2 years, heres a link to it but ill also put the text in this post under the read more right there 👇

Update:

Hey everyone! I'm still not super online at this time, but as everything around us (both online and off) keeps going more and more off the rails, I just wanted to state here that, should anything happen, you can always find me here as long as neocities still stands. And even then, I'd probably just look for another website hoster and republish my site.

Like, I dunno, we're in an age where the business model of the modern internet seem to be failing even the biggest companies. I never used to get too freaked out over the years as tumblr's userbase faced the occasional 'we might be losing tumblr, everyone panic!!' trend. However, particularly with the recent death knell of 4chan, which always felt like such an immutable force on the internet, it's just kinda made me realize just how little the continued existence of any website is a given. Tumblr is a dumpster fire run by a skeleton crew of wildly unpopular transmisogynists. I just can't bring myself to care about my presence there anymore.

So anyway, with that in mind, I turn back to neocities, and sites like it. Here, this website is mine. I have full access to the html, css, and scripts that make up my website. If I jumped my entire life from one burning ship (like tumblr or twitter etc) to another (like insta or bsky or anything Run By Someone Else), then who's to say I won't spend a year breaking my back to reestablish my online presence based out of a site like that, just for it to also close or disappoint in some way?

Along that note, it's also just hard to Want to get into a new social media site, if I'm being perfectly hornets right now. Mega networking sites certainly do have their uses for many people, but for me, it just does not feel good anymore to feel so constantly in the eyes of so many unknowable strangers. Right now, I want my online presence to move out of the loud, busy city, out into the remote country, where it's mostly my friends and the occasional passersby that are the only ones that ever come through.

I don't really have anywhere specific I was going with this. I guess I just wanted to say that, if the sites or services we use to interact ever go down, you can always find me here. If I ever do get set up on any new sites, I'd plan on linking to them from here - this is probably just gonna end up being my primary presence on the internet once tumblr finally smolders out. If you want to follow me across the internet, you'll be able to find the stuff I get into here.

By the way, one last note. This is just an open letter to my friends, the people I've interacted with, or the people who wanted to but for one reason or another, never did. I am so sorry you had to watch my highspeed social crash-and-burn in real time over the past several years. Maybe I'll write more on it later, but for now, just know that I hope I get to talk to you again someday. I really do. I'm sorry I can't keep up with you all through the crash-and-burn of the rest of the internet along with my own, but if you wanted to keep me bookmarked to come find me again someday, I would be so immensely grateful. I hope I can stay in touch with the people I care for, and the people who care for me.

And at the end of the day, I just hope the world is kind to us all.

[penisbilt]

hey i updated my neocities homepage for the first time in like 2 years, heres a link to it but ill also put the text in this post under the read more right there 👇

Update:

Hey everyone! I'm still not super online at this time, but as everything around us (both online and off) keeps going more and more off the rails, I just wanted to state here that, should anything happen, you can always find me here as long as neocities still stands. And even then, I'd probably just look for another website hoster and republish my site.

Like, I dunno, we're in an age where the business model of the modern internet seem to be failing even the biggest companies. I never used to get too freaked out over the years as tumblr's userbase faced the occasional 'we might be losing tumblr, everyone panic!!' trend. However, particularly with the recent death knell of 4chan, which always felt like such an immutable force on the internet, it's just kinda made me realize just how little the continued existence of any website is a given. Tumblr is a dumpster fire run by a skeleton crew of wildly unpopular transmisogynists. I just can't bring myself to care about my presence there anymore.

So anyway, with that in mind, I turn back to neocities, and sites like it. Here, this website is mine. I have full access to the html, css, and scripts that make up my website. If I jumped my entire life from one burning ship (like tumblr or twitter etc) to another (like insta or bsky or anything Run By Someone Else), then who's to say I won't spend a year breaking my back to reestablish my online presence based out of a site like that, just for it to also close or disappoint in some way?

Along that note, it's also just hard to Want to get into a new social media site, if I'm being perfectly hornets right now. Mega networking sites certainly do have their uses for many people, but for me, it just does not feel good anymore to feel so constantly in the eyes of so many unknowable strangers. Right now, I want my online presence to move out of the loud, busy city, out into the remote country, where it's mostly my friends and the occasional passersby that are the only ones that ever come through.

I don't really have anywhere specific I was going with this. I guess I just wanted to say that, if the sites or services we use to interact ever go down, you can always find me here. If I ever do get set up on any new sites, I'd plan on linking to them from here - this is probably just gonna end up being my primary presence on the internet once tumblr finally smolders out. If you want to follow me across the internet, you'll be able to find the stuff I get into here.

By the way, one last note. This is just an open letter to my friends, the people I've interacted with, or the people who wanted to but for one reason or another, never did. I am so sorry you had to watch my highspeed social crash-and-burn in real time over the past several years. Maybe I'll write more on it later, but for now, just know that I hope I get to talk to you again someday. I really do. I'm sorry I can't keep up with you all through the crash-and-burn of the rest of the internet along with my own, but if you wanted to keep me bookmarked to come find me again someday, I would be so immensely grateful. I hope I can stay in touch with the people I care for, and the people who care for me.

And at the end of the day, I just hope the world is kind to us all.

[penisbilt]

do it in fight or flight mode