pepperonuranus-blog

[pepperonuranus-blog]

Fuck.

Fuck code. Fucking fuck you robot Tumblr eating 5 paragraphs of my life in lick my nuts censorship or screw up on my part. Outta here and I think it's a sign that I better get to WordPress where others my age can write off whatever you want, bitch, please. I saved myself for THIS? Fuck.

[pepperonuranus-blog]

go on anon and

tell me about your crush tell me about your favorite make up to use tell me a secret tell me about your biggest fears tell me what you like about me tell me what you dislike about me tell me your favorite thing about yourself tell me how your day was tell me about the person you hate tell me about your pets tell me anything ask me anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pepperonuranus-blog]

THE GUESS WHO and THE APOCALYPSE 28 June. What a night this was. I am sitting on my bed and I am wondering what he is doing, and where the fuck he is. I have not talked to him since 7th of March. Listening to the Guess Who where they sound like they’re singing “you’re gonna dig him till the day you die,” when I was a kid, I used to play organ along with the record “when you touch me, I feel high, ” that’s what I thought that it was on my rocking horse, or if you are going to go over the bar almost on a sunset. I was four years old and I thought that was what feeling “high” was and listening to the lyrics of this song, I wasn’t far off. I guess I was wiser then.

That is not an endorsement. I am fucking crazy and I have a couple of really twisted thoughts. This record is such an obvious influence in my studio shit. Aww fuck. John and Ed and that song about #Ohio city, I am sorry I didn’t get to finish the album. I did so much more than I probably would have done if someone stopped and said “nobody does that, ” and people who were much older than I was were impressed more than appalled, then I had to disappear and lose my shit and suddenly WTF my achievement became a retrospective of symptoms.

Geej dreamt that I saw 2 comets collide the same night I had dreams about the killer in my house and Amy Casey and I saw none of the lights worked but I saw a comet that was pink in a dark green sky.

Where are you, Louieee? I give a shit. I do. This album is too fucking relevant now.

“Did you pay your dues? Did you read news? In the paper this morning when it hit your yard? Do you know their names? Can you play their games?”

Yeah, but it’s exhausting.

That said, the end of THIS song and this record is a positive note, almost ridiculously so. Like the Jehovah’s witnesses propaganda where everyone is smiling and lions are hanging out with lambs and everyone has perfect teeth and all this crap that was supposed to happen in the year I was born. Daniel #Virgo used to say that I was what happened that year. I was not the new Jerusalem- I was his apocalypse. Fucking dramatic….. mellow-dramatic. He was 5. I forgot that until now. The Daily Gemini Moon, here to unearth the past and look through a shitload of clutter to find the clues that will get me to get thru #justfortoday and all that.

That means. Auspicious apocalypse me. Acrimonious me. CPR to his beautiful father who was already probably dead a week before my 18th birthday me. The last bearer of the Smyczynski nose and not til I was old enough to be #your mother, #childless me, and later, #divorce me on the day of the lunar eclipse, and Jim leaving this mess semi-intact tossing alimony like paper planes in a pittance electronically and then scolding me about online purchases…. My mom’s mannerisms me, and the me that buried friends who are too young to be dead. Devastated reconstruction me, the me of 13 cats.

Now I remember why I abandoned Tumblr ☆1☆.

Because I am too tangential and long winded. And @AstrologyPepper is suck at saying anything in 144 characters or less. Because I have used my LiveJournal in 14 years with regular basis and I miss the beauty of the ordinary and mundane.

Because I write in fragments.

Because people from Ohio end sentence with prepositions. Where do you live at? It is the couch things come up missing in.

Because I end mine with propositions. You want me to fuck you? How much deeper? My hands get tired of Olympics.

I am not even a natural disaster…. And Daniel #Virgo became a Catholic. A priest. My mom was his #RCIA sponsor. I have become a lapsed Catholic, not a Jehovah’s witness. No #NAFTA, no trading one of theirs for one of ours.

2 Catholics, no waiting. All of the guilt, psalt free. #messy grace, and then some!

I’m not supposed to say that he’s an asshole my mom says because he’s a priest. I’m not an apocalyptic event, and he’s not #God, and God made me, wonderlly fearfully MADE, and he made #assholes, and I am gonna call it when I see one less the least (or most ordinary everybody else in between) fall into the unflagged asshole and get hurt. #Assole=#virgo Daniel, less assy but part time asshole = me, on Uranus, waiting for the inventions that were actually worth reincarnation as Pepper and then jumping down to earth.

That #time traveling #space lemur texting in the rain. Me. I am really not the end of the world. I’m not Heaven, even though everyone I loved who died are still moving through me like silent films. I’m not sure if I am really even crazy.

Maybe I was just drawn that way. 🤔

#justfortoday, #1970s, #Buffalo, #grammar, #playground, #kids, #memories, #drugs, #addiction, #musicians, #artists, #Bryan Kish, #cautionary tale, #hand me downs, #swing-sets, #asshoels, #jw, #Virgo #cpr, #documentary, #strange thoughts, #childhood

[pepperonuranus-blog]

POSTCARDS FROM BEFORE THE WAR

Geej found a big box of pictures of my life before the #bipolar war. I have to laugh because some of these things are so dated. I wish I could cry because it hurts to see the same things that are brutal to look at because I lost them and then came the war. It was the same only differently. Same difference. Life but still life …… vitality be gone, my scent as a repellant for contentment or status quo. I have things slowly getting better than before but I’m a cat in a Washburn and then these pictures of the days I was just a kitten and felt like a tiger, I don’t think I can see more than a little at a time. Or you know, I might evaporate.

[pepperonuranus-blog]

I love this. I get tired of the 🦂=💩field day the world seems to have with Scorpio people generally. I have Aquarius ascendant, and I am thinking more Aquarius and Gemini moon in the 5th...but fuck, (buttfuck) I am tired of being profiled astrologically as a shit. 💣💓♏

Basically the most accurate astrology post I’ve seen so far… ♏️💪🏼

RUN.

[pepperonuranus-blog]

[pepperonuranus-blog]

Four years ago today my dad was alive and I looked much younger than now. And Bo-Ling was alive and I was alive......

[pepperonuranus-blog]

[pepperonuranus-blog]

Sometimes I fall in love with the sweet sadness of AFTER.

[pepperonuranus-blog]

It's raining here.

And the Moon is in Leo. I think that the thing is void-of-course but Pinterest is pressing me to get a Tumblr and I don't think I want to use my old one. I don't get well on Leo moons anyway and I already have a sore throat and a toothache. Fist! Fist! Fist! The cats need to get a nail trim and I hate doing it because it freaks me out, the proximity of the vein within.... At least Gwen served a purpose THERE and I guess if you needed to be trash talked about or the other fucking asshole you need around if you're not unhappy enough is busy, she was very good... she IS good at being a malicious asshole. So now I have begun the Tumblr with a crabby gossip, I had better get my 3 positive thoughts about the world and some of that out there. 1. Pope Francis is really cool. I like him a lot. 2. Angie Balbo and my mom are 2 of the more generous people who are in the world today. 3. I am really close enough to train tracks and the sound of a train with the sound of the rain is very beautiful. That was one of these things that I have never actually noticed, but the new medication is working, I suppose, because the 1 p.m. Southern Pacific railroad just came through, blowing the horn and I can't believe how much beauty was in that plus pain. I meant rain... maybe it's partly due to that. That ache underneath the beauty of trains, of my brother's death, of knowing that I am not going to be seeing him again on earth and so I have a sweet sadness or maybe it's a sad sweetness when I hear a train. Either way, I don't think I would be happy to live away from the city. I am listening to a large truck and I am thinking about New York and I kinda miss living there. That kinda day.