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[perfecjoon]

𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎 ⏯︎

⏻ 𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚘 𝚞𝚙 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ⏻

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚗𝚎; 𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚎𝚜𝚝

“i’ve never understood why bad things happen to good people. the good are spat and beat on, expected to just go along whilst the bad are the lucky ones. perhaps that’s why i’ve never believed there was a god. what god would do something like this to me, to malaika? i’m no buddhist. not a christian. i’m just a confused man who wants to know where his best friend is.

the rain had poured the night you were taken. officers sat me down on the front porch asking if i knew where you had ran away to. but i knew you didn’t run away, you’d never leave without taking everything with you. they didn’t believe me, they figured it was another case of a foreigner running away, but you weren’t like that. and you aren’t a foreigner. you were where you belonged. i was where i belonged. so who would have the heart— or rather, lack thereof— to take you?”

“namjoon hyung?”

namjoon lifted his head towards the voice calling his name, belonging to jungkook. he pushed aside the ancient typewriter burdened on his desk, “jungkook-ah… what’s up?” the younger male took a few cautious steps forward, before settling on the chair beside his hyung. “we’re all worried. it’s been a week and you haven’t left your house…” “at all.” yoongi stepped in, leaning against the doorframe, the 4 others following suit. “hyung no offense, but if you all came in here to lecture me about investigating, i’m probably going to tune it out. i can’t stop looking for mal.”

“you don’t have to stop looking, namjoon… all we were going to suggest was taking a breather. go outside. get something to eat. you’ve only left your room to shower and chow down on ice.” hoseok paused for a second to gauge whether or not to continue, “she’s our friend too. we want her back just as much as you do… but you also have to keep in mind that you can’t help her if you don’t help yourself.”

namjoon thought over the advice. he knew they were all right, and it was so hard forcing himself to take a break. but not impossible. standing up and pushing his chair back, he walked out the room and made his way downstairs. the earthy smell from last nights showers rose from the ground as he opened to door to the porch. tears welled in his eyes as he took a deep breath, standing on the very steps that he called for malaika’s name one week ago. he brought a hand to his neck, rubbing slightly. his throat had been so raw that night, no doubt from yelling as if there were no tomorrow. because truth be told, without her it felt like there was no tomorrow.

with stinging eyes, namjoon decided it was time to head back in, but upon staring at a pile of boxes be changed his mind. he walked over to the gates to the backyard, and bending down he investigated the small box on the ground. it was out of the ordinary, not too much so to where it was noticeable with a quick glance, but just enough to tell that it wasn’t an old box. namjoon used his key to slash the tape that was admittedly shittily wrapped. he opened the box, and immediately he noticed something peculiar. the fabric stuffed inside the box was from malaikas bed sheets. it was lilac colored and as he took it out, a small cassette tape fell out, clattering to the ground. it was a little scratched up from the light fall, but it looked fine. there was nothing on the casing, but it didn’t stall namjoon from dashing over to the car and popping it into the cassette player.

what he heard made his heart drop and his fingers tremble as he slammed his hand against the eject button. it couldn’t be… while he didn’t believe in a god that was all powerful yet would be cruel enough to let all this happen, he did believe that he’d do whatever he could to find malaika. he took a deep breath, before inserting it again and forcing himself to stay in the car. it whirred and clicked, and this time he listened. it was mal, her sweet voice through the speakers.

“dear namjoon…”

a tape. she left him a tape! he hoped this meant she was still alive, even if she had made this right before she was abducted. his mind was racing with questions, should he take it in to the police? fuck no. the tape was all he had. what then? it was faulty, there was no saying she’d be able to make another one. fuck, his head throbbed right now. all namjoon could do is keep looking. keep searching for any and everything he could. he didn’t need a god to pray to or believe in. he had himself, and right now?…

he could use every ounce of faith.

[perfecjoon]

𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎 ⏯︎

⏻ 𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚘 𝚞𝚙 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ⏻

𝚝𝚊𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎; 𝚒’𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎_|

dear namjoon,

I remember us meeting like it was yesterday. you were in america for a short amount of time. i don’t know how you ended up in little ol’ iowa, but you did. and boy was i glad. your mom and my mom exchanged numbers, we exchanged numbers, they stayed in touch and so did we. and then… you moved back to korea before i was ready for you to. i’m not sure if i was upset that you left, or upset i couldn’t leave too. but all i’m sure of is that i regret not using my phone as often as i should’ve.

flash forward a year later and i had finally saved up to take a trip to New York from my hometown. what a boring state, nothing exciting ever happens there. and though my family lives there, iowa isn’t enough for me. i was nauseated as i thought about the vacation, a little gift to myself for graduating high school finally. but the nerves settled once i stepped foot onto the bus taking me throughout the city. you were there too, wandering the big apple and taking in its beauty.

i hadn’t seen you in so long, you had gotten so much taller and certainly a lot more buff. someone must’ve been working out. seeing you again made me realize something. life before i met you was interesting, but dull. you brought color into my life, a once empty children’s book waiting to be scribbled on. but you know all of this after all, you were there. i can’t help but wonder, what would’ve happened, had i not forgotten the walkman on the bus? what would’ve happened if i had already known how to use it, and you didn’t need to help me?

thanks to you, i know how to record a cassette tape. thanks to you, you can listen to this recording. and now that i have your attention…

if you’re listening to this— and i know you’re listening to this— i need help. i don’t know exactly where i’ll be but i’ll find a way to tell you. i’ll leave clues, i’ll leave tapes. i’ll do whatever i can just… just don’t give up on me. i may be gone but i know you’ll find me, namjoon.

i’m still out there.