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“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.” -Alice in Wonderland (1951)

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women of disney 5. bambi (1942)

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Physical Distancing - Day 9, Growth

I’m calling it physical distancing now, since I am still social with my loved ones (which is good!)

Now, surprisingly enough, I’m not freaking out freaking out like I would have been years ago, had I been in this predicament. 

I remember when in 2011 there was a guy who said the world was going to end that May. I was panicking, crying, constantly looking out my window. 

My mom thought I was overreacting, and honestly, I was. 

I know that I cannot control a lot of circumstances in life, thus I should not stress or worry about them. 

It’s not always that easy, because I don’t like uncertainty, I hate it. 

But in this case, the case of Miss Rona, I’m starting to accept that idea. 

If I were me 5 years ago, I would give up everything I worked hard on:

My routines, my workouts, my diet, everything. 

I would be sitting in my bed for hours on my phone, smoking up all my weed, letting the day pass me. 

But I’m not. I’m still waking up to meditate, wash my face, and eat something for breakfast.

I was stressing and slacked for a few days at first, but I didn’t let Rona completely break my routine that I worked so hard to construct and commit to. 

I’m so proud of myself 🥰

I will smoke a blunt in my own honor! ♨︎

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Social Distancing - Day 7, The first week.

I swear it doesn’t feel like just a week ago things were normal. 

A week ago I was going to work, going to the gym 3-4 days a week for about a month, eating healthy and shit. A week ago things were looking up for the better, and honestly, I had some optimism for the next couple of months. I planned on going to more social events with friends and stop flaking for the sake of my anxiety, I planned on saving more money to actually enjoy things people my age should, soooooo many things I kept in mind to stay optimistic-

and then Corona came.

FREAKOUT LEVEL 1 - Concerned but excited

I work in a school so we’re out for the rest of the 19-20 school year. I was okay with the idea, because then i could focus on other shit to better myself! Yay!

oh no, i can’t move into my new house in 2 weeks anymore because the fucking realtor won’t meet my mom in person to TELL HER WHAT THE FUCK IS UP AND WHEN WE MOVE IN because she’s scared of Corona.

FREAKOUT LEVEL 2 - Overthinking, Deep thought for 2+ hours

I stay with my mom for the financial ease, that and I don’t feel emotionally and mentally ready to be alone. 

She’s a part time nurse.

oh no, Corona cases in my city.

Oh my fucking god I hate people on Facebook spreading false information to scare people! I hate them more because it’s getting to me! That never happens!

FREAKOUT LEVEL 3 - Overthinking the near future, can’t stop scrolling through FB, Spending all my money on food and necessities because everyone else is taking EVERYTHING and I don’t know what to PREPARE FOR.

My neighbor is a young man and his son. 

The son loves basket-ball. 

The dad put a basketball hoop on the wall that the son and I share. I think Dad is cognitively delayed by choice. *It basically means stupid, but saying it like that bc it offends people better.

Son likes to play basketball all fucking day. I hear everything. Dad and Son like to wrestle and scream “WHOOOOOO WOOOHOOOOOO” which is followed by loud thumping. 

Mom says we move in end of April, beginning of May.

She doesn’t fucking know, but she likes to make it look like it.

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS FOR ANOTHER 3 MONTHS

I can tell she looks at the noise lightly because her room is not much affected. 

I always get the short end of the fucking stick wherever I fucking live. 

FREAKOUT LEVEL 6 - Wondering if I am going to coincidentally die from this virus because of my health issues, Mom nurse isn’t worried bc she’s a nurse and she thinks that makes sense, wondering if my mom will be effected by the virus because of her own health issues. Worrying about grandparents at home. 

I want to skin my neighbors alive and burn their house down. 

I don’t want my mom to keep going to work and exposing herself and me.

I already devised a solid plan on how to burn my neighbor’s backyard without detection.

I am starting to resent the people sending me different types of shit about the virus and the government because they know they don’t know if it’s true. 

FUCK they closed the fucking gym!

Freakout Level 2 - Acceptance of the (pan/epi)-demic, Frequent hand washing, Muting people on social media, Meditate, lingering anger and worry 

I guess I’ll be Housebound 22-24/7 hours a week.

Tons of PS2, PS3, and PS4 games I’ve been meaning to revisit in the name of nostalgia. 

Preparing to roll a blunt as we speak (or type? lol)