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petahpotato · 3 months

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thank you

When we first crossed paths, I never anticipated our encounter would evolve into a meaningful, deep relationship. Life has a way of surprising us with unexpected moments that leave lasting impressions. At the time, I was healing and finding my way back from a challenging period in my life. I had no direction, but my journey led me to you, and we met at the right time when we both had space for each other. We were in each other's orbit, and we eclipsed. It felt meant to be. We were on the same page.

You were the first boyfriend I ever introduced to all aspects of people in my life—work, family, and friends. Not only did you meet important people in my life, but I got to meet some of yours, too! Which meant so much to me. You made me more comfortable being myself and more open and honest with who I am, and I thank you for that.

When I think of who you are and what attracted me to you, I think of the life you've achieved and how determined you are to be a better person. I've always looked up to you and wanted better for myself, too. I think you move at a faster pace than I do. I'm a slow grower, and I thank you for being patient with me. You've shown me a different perspective on life, and I've learned so much from being with you. You always shied away from taking photos, but I always thought you were handsome. The smile on your face, your charming charisma, the intellect and opinions you shared (although debatable), your determination and bougie taste. Your keen eye for design and knowing how to treat people and make conversation with anyone. You're so attractive, and I think you don't even realize it sometimes. I'm glad I took photos of us because the memories of us aren't forgotten. They capture some of the greatest moments we shared together.

Some favorite moments we shared:

Meeting you for the first time. It was so unexpected. I thought it was going to be just a fun hook-up. But somehow, we saw something in each other. The vibes matched, and you wanted to take it slow with me, which I thought was so sexy. Because when you take things slow, it most likely means you want to be serious with someone. Because taking it slow means you have forever with each other. It was refreshing and exciting. I've never met anyone who looked into my gaze like you did. We would stare at each other. Study each other's faces and then make out with them.

July 4th: We were outside on your porch and sat outside with the fire on. I was sitting on top of you, and you envisioned our future together. You talked about imagining having a place in Belmont Shore together and your dreams of real estate and property management. We never got to make our s'mores, but we held each other, and it felt amazing.

Our first dinner date. We cooked Vietnamese caramelized chicken with rice, sous vide style. And you got us a charming bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, Palermo. I was getting into wine with you.

You came over for a movie night at my place, and we watched this 90s gay Asian movie "Happy Together." You smoked weed with me, which you never do, and you had a little anxiety attack. You thought you were embarrassing yourself, but I thought you were so cool for being open to trying it with me. I was on the barstool, and you leaned in to kiss me, and we were so on for each other. It was such a hot moment.

You went out to dinner with Adam and told him about us. I was surprised since I thought you were still on the DL. I remember trying to sneak into your house before you came home to surprise you! But you found me on the ring app. We still had fun.

The times you showed up randomly at my place. I miss those times, even though you were straight-up drunk. You really made it clear you wanted to be with me. You confessed your love to me, but I felt we were moving fast and couldn't say it immediately.

Taylor's graduation party. It was one week after you told me you loved me. And at the end of the night, I said it back.

Our first date at Elephante. We have always connected on the finer things in life. I felt terrible about you spoiling me only because I never had anyone spend money on me like that. But you made me feel comfortable, and it felt nice.

Our date at Chiang Rai. I wanted to take us out for dinner because I got the job at International Toy! You got me a little gift to celebrate.

Our museum date at the OCMA, and then the Japan fair after. Thanks for trying new things with me. It meant a lot that you made time for me in what interests I had at the time.

Our first trips together. I was unemployed when you invited me on the Virgin cruise with Candace, David, Ryan, and Liza. Then, when I got the job at International Toy, they invited us to go to the Bahamas for their annual work trip. We traveled back to back, and it felt like such a dream. I was high on life with you and felt so lucky.

My coworkers getting to meet you and bringing Obi to work. I have always been the kind of person who kept my relationships private until I met you.

Dinners at home. I got in the habit of cooking for you and myself. I really enjoyed experimenting and following recipes from Hello Fresh. We tried to be consistent with it, and my cooking skills improved because of it, too.

Watching movies with you. Sometimes we'd watch, sometimes we didn't.. because we were too busy making our own.

Lazy mornings with you. I remember it was hard getting up and out of your arms. I never wanted to leave.

Our date at McDonald's. It wasn't fancy, but we fancied each other, and that was all we needed. You, me, and a happy meal.

Moments at the Aster. It was so short-lived, but just being there with you was fantastic. Thanks for all the dinners and drinks we shared.

My 29th birthday at the lemon grove. We went on a Friday, and you got me Birkenstocks. Still wearing them to death to this day. I never took them off. We got really intimate that night.

On your 38th birthday, I took you to my friend's restaurant. You said you had never had anyone treat you to a meal like that before, and I was thrilled to be doing that for you.

Your Airbnb journey. Thanks for bringing me along and including me at the start of your new venture. I remember those weekends when we'd drive out there to work on Mojave Villa. It felt so nice to get away from the city. I was at peace with you, building what felt like our future together.

That time, you stocked the fridge at the Mojave Villa with some of my favorite things. It was so thoughtful of you to get them for me, and I really appreciated it.

Your Mojave Villa housewarming party. At this time, I really felt like we were partners. We went to the farmers' market that morning to get stuff for the cocktails I was making, and we had Mediterranean food for dinner. We were busy hosting, and we both knew our role. You were networking, and I ensured everything went smoothly, from the flyers to the drinks and tidying everything up at the night's end. You hugged me so tight when you closed the door after everyone left to go home. It was a proud moment.

You got your first Airbnb customer minutes after going live, and you already had a strong start! It was such a happy moment.

Spending our first year together in Vegas. We had dinner at Bavette's Steakhouse and went on a helicopter ride to see the view of the city and Taos Beach Club the next day. Thank you for spending time with me even though you had both jobs on your mind.

The first half of my 30th birthday at Mojave villa. It fell on the weekend of Friday the 13th with the solar eclipse, so something terrible would inevitably happen. But even though objectionable things occurred, I remember how much care and thought you put into it even though you were so busy in the midst of it all. You made time for me. And I never want you to think I took it for granted. It meant so much to me.

Your 39th birthday. We stayed at the Hoxton Hotel and ate dinner at Bavel. I wanted to take you out and make you feel special even through all the fights we'd been having. At this time, I was still trying to process my emotions since our birthdays weren't too far apart. I still remember having a great time with you, even though it became sour that night.

Christmas with you and your family in Arizona. I've never usually spent time away from my family for Christmas, so seeing your dad and meeting Logan and your extended family was really special. Thank you for showing me the roots of your childhood and the town you grew up in. I enjoyed making mocktails for your family and walking around the neighborhood with you.

Moments of when you talked about how great your mom was and how you wish she'd have met me. I know how difficult it's been for you without your mom. You've always said amazing things about her and how much you missed her. I know it's grief you are still dealing with moments in passing. I'm sorry I never knew the right words to say. I just didn't know how else to be there for you other than being a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to. I know she'd love you no matter what, and be proud of who you are today.

Moments with Obi. I'm so glad I witnessed Obi grow into such a chill pug with cat-like behavior. He's the best to snuggle with and a great forever puppy. Even through all the whining and pooping, you always know he has the best intention or no intention at all. I'll miss him so much.

These past few weeks have been hard for me. I'm still trying to find the routine I have for myself without you in it. I'm not sure where exactly things decided to feel different about us, but I know that after being in an open relationship with you, I know now that is not what I want. It was hard for me to accept that side of us because I just wanted it to be us. I wanted to choose us over anyone else, for that matter. I love you so much that I would try anything and do anything for you, so I did. But it didn't make me feel good. Being open and intimate with others felt wrong to me. It felt confusing. The boundaries were getting blurred, and we lost sight of each other.

I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you wanted me to be. I'm still on my way to being that person. I want it for myself, too.

I believe we were here for each other when we needed each other at the right time. And now, our time has passed, and we are on different pages and want different things.

Thank you for spending one year and eight months with me. I've never been with anyone for this long. I know you're going to do great things and achieve the goals you've set for yourself because I believe in you so much. You're one of the hardest-working people I know. I find this highly admirable, and I aspire to be like you once I find my passion… I hope we can still be friends with time.

Please take good care of yourself. Say nice things about you. I'm sorry if I didn't say them enough. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you get lots of rest and pray you don't fall asleep while you bathe. You're a gem in this world, and so am I. I'll find my way someday, and maybe we'll be in each other's orbit again.

Farewell, my love. Thank you for everything.

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