phantasmaw - Tumblr blog

[phantasmaw]

Hi y'all, I figured I might as well make this post now since there's no better time than the present and all that. This blog will no longer be active. I got elbow-deep in trying to clean up and realized I just need to move on. This isn't quits! I can still be found on @deiscension. These fellas have a different home now. Please let me know if you would like the new url. I'll have this queued up for a while, but other than that this blog is gonna be a graveyard until I've gathered everything up from it that I'd like to keep. There is no pressure to preserve ties at all. Otherwise thank you for the amazing times you've given me, and happy writing!

[phantasmaw]

Hi y'all, I figured I might as well make this post now since there's no better time than the present and all that. This blog will no longer be active. I got elbow-deep in trying to clean up and realized I just need to move on. This isn't quits! I can still be found on @deiscension. These fellas have a different home now. Please let me know if you would like the new url. I'll have this queued up for a while, but other than that this blog is gonna be a graveyard until I've gathered everything up from it that I'd like to keep. There is no pressure to preserve ties at all. Otherwise thank you for the amazing times you've given me, and happy writing!

[phantasmaw]

Hello, still on my hiatus here but I am going to break the silence to make the announcement I am now going by Lain instead of Lisette. Basically I have no gender so I'm moving away from using heavily gendered aliases! While I continue mulling on how to clean this blog up to my liking, I'll be (somewhat) active on @deiscension. Hope to be back here soon with everything fixed up and ready to go <3

[phantasmaw]

Since I won't be around much for a while, I wanted to say that I am really, very grateful to all my amazing partners! I'm slow (as has been established time and time again) and sporadic and so I'm incredibly blessed to have friends and mutuals who jump back into things with me whenever I have the time to be around. I always have and always will adore getting to dig into so many fun, unique dynamics with y'all's muses. I also want to say I very much do notice all the little things-- likes on my metas/rambles and short ic quips, talking in the tags, back and forths in post replies --and they make me so happy! Something I'll never get tired of is how easy it is for us to appreciate each other's creativity and the care we put into our writing and little worlds. Once I'm able to be more present and clean things up here a bit, I'm looking forward to going full speed ahead... or as full speed ahead as I can get these days. If I don't get to say it come time, everyone have a happy holiday!

[phantasmaw]

@phantasmaw sorry ur ask made me think of this immediately...

[phantasmaw]

I should be addicted to shutting the fuck up. Women want me (they don't). I'm god's favorite little neglected Sims. Meow back at me. Can I come over and devote myself unto thee? I'm so worth the investment I have insane cashback rates. #Girl. And whatnot.

[phantasmaw]

Clutching his chest. Something just happened.....

[phantasmaw]

W...Where is my dash going... Fyuga... Fyuga come back....

[phantasmaw]

   〈 ☣ * 〉 ┊  Normal? Normal? Pah! "You insult perfectly. You insult normal. You insult human. You...." Trails off, narrows their eyes, then nods solemnly. "Hm. Okay with child. You are very child." And they do not necessarily say that as a compliment, either.

@phantasmaw replied: amby leaning away so far they're becoming italics

What's wrong, Amby? Have you never seen a perfectly normal human child before?

[phantasmaw]

What makes a real man? Knowing you're not a girl. What makes a real girl? Knowing you're not a man. <---- smartest dude in the whole wide world

[phantasmaw]

     〈 ⬖* 〉┊ "With eyes as pretty as yours, I would be a fool not to try to see what they see." But wasn't it equally as foolish to use such shallow flirtations with a woman so notoriously dangerous? Well, that made for half the fun here. Resting her chin on fingers threaded together, Etoile smiles. "I'll be all too happy to take a few notes from your creative process. Mine's been lacking recently. So then," she coils a strand of hair around her finger, "Before this nebulous 'a lot' starts to happen, you need something collected, yes?" The curve of her smile deepens. "I can't quite bring myself to believe I'm here just to listen to your voice, much as I might prefer that to be the case."

          ❛❛   And a lot can happen before then ! I'm sure I can get creative. I'm glad you are seeing things my way.     ❜❜           //           sc ft. @phantasmaw.

[phantasmaw]

     〈 ☽* 〉┊ Had. A simple word that muddies the iridescent haloes of light so they no longer reflect an idealized past. The grass is no longer quite so soft, the dome ceiling not so beautiful. Their legs lower, slipping along the grass until one lays tucked beneath the other. They turn their head, comfortable in the thin veil of separation their cascade of hair offers.

       "I'm inclined to agree on the hopeless aspect." It hurts the same way pressure on a bruise does to know they had likely said these same words to him before as nothing more than a tease. But now their voice won't give way to those sentiments, no matter how they bubble up like blood from a picked scab. "Try to remember that your devotion belongs to our efforts, not to us. I'm just trying to lighten the mood, not convince you that you need to comfort me." 

        Opening the way to a cloistered chamber of the heart, inviting him in by means of reminiscences, then slamming the door shut as soon as he dares take permission to cross the threshold. He should have learned by now that if they could not bite the hand that sought them, then they would render its touch a meaningless gesture. Yet seeing him fall for the same trick brings no mirth, no satisfaction, no closure. It only prompts them to let go of the heavy sigh filling their lungs with the doleful weight of longing. They lay back. The engraved constellations do their best to occupy their attention. The constellations hadn't been good at doing so back then, and certainly didn't now. Their eyelids flutter shut. 

       "...That being said, you're welcome to come sit by me. The grass feels nice. And I won't bite." After a second passes, they add, "Without reason."

Lars remembers when they first met here. He was somewhat shy, but seeing that Sovann was similar was enough to encourage him to begin talking to the other. It wasn't a fast friendship, but Lars had certainly enjoyed Sovann's presence much more than he had anyone else's when he was younger. He remembers the first time he offered a handshake to the other, only for Sovann to stare in confusion and sniff at his hand. It caught him off guard, but got a giggle out of him.

He thinks of all the things that he had left unsaid to them. After all, he knew that they would never be able to actually be together. After all, the Heliar Pantheon was never to be trusted, and he knew how they saw Sovann. He had never confessed his feelings when it would've mattered...When he was still mortal. What would Sovann had said? Does it matter now?

"Not much of a place to be married in now. And it isn't like it matters anymore."

He has many memories of this place, because at one point, it had been a place for them to hide away from the world, to let everything else fall away. Now? It was tainted, a constant reminder of what he had lost. He misses his humanity, he hates the task that was left to him by the only woman he had ever known as a mother. Of his husband, and maybe he feels horrible because he knows that while he held love for Soichiro…It had never compared to the feelings he held for Sovann.

"Hard to think about being married now."

[Am I anything else other than a broken mess of a man trying to cling to life because I'm too afraid of what will come afterward? Don't I disgust you? I can't even even look at myself in the mirror because I hate what I see.]

"I remember daydreaming about such things. You had me wrapped around your finger and didn't even know it. I would've...Would still do anything for you. I suppose I'm hopelessly devoted like that, no?"

[phantasmaw]

     〈🔪*〉┊ Warmth blooms where skin meets skin, spreading like vines across a trellis until it colors her cheeks with splotchy rose. As most things with her, this warmth has a voracious appetite. It scrapes its teeth against the back of her sternum, eager to clamp its maw around that which excites it but unable to break free from that which contains it. She cannot look at Judith. Otherwise, it might be her mouth sinking its teeth into that which excites her instead. 

       Still, her lips need to busy themself with something. And if there's one thing she can be certain of when it comes to their dalliances, it's that there is no earthly way she would ever be able to leave Judith shrouded in silence. Not unless she were the one to drag that veil forward itself. So after a moment's pause (in which she was not thinking of anything but the press of Judith's fingers against her arm), she answers, "So it's dying, then."

         Together. The word went unspoken, but it was obvious enough, wasn't it? Except... she didn't hold such sentiments about death. Death, the instant immortalizer. Death, which turned bodies into legends and paintings and songs and cautionary tales and poems. Death, which made intimacy public to the covetous masses. If they both laid down in the water together now, they would become all that and more. Always forever. Never one or the other, only the two, a headline on the news and a morose college student's thesis piece. That wouldn't do. She and Judith were not meant to pass on into the inspirational wellspring of tragedy. Judith could never be any of theirs. 

         All but pouting, Annabel finally turns her doe-like eyes back upon the object of her affections. "Think about it: we can't always be together. I mean," she begins to kick her feet back and forth again, her hand finding its way atop Judith's, "we're separate people, after all. So that's the only way. To be honest, though..." her voice drops to a husky whisper. "I think I'd rather kill for you. Then my name would always be attached to yours." The pout transforms to a coy little smile that almost brings light to her deadened eyes. "That's what I'd say if I was the love interest in one of those books, anyway."

❝  oh ? Is that what you've been doing ? ❞ half listening at first ⸻ trailing instead the fluttering moth beneath flicking lamp lights ; up, down, up , down it goes . . . ❝  Romantic. ❞ she turns to look at Annabel, her hues faded beneath the dull city lights ; hazy girl. In the end, Judith could never discern what she truly wants and they do these aimless things instead, no matter! She still enjoys her company regardless.

❝  In stories, the weight of romance does not solely fall upon either or. ❞ She smiles - she does not think of the pond or that Annabel's heart could have been pounding. ❝  It's not enough that you die or you kill, that would have been pointless. Oh but I suppose if you mean there is already a reason . . . ❞ Judith paused.

ah . . . ❝  There's this awful story I've read once before. ❞

Where to begin ? ❝  There was this young monk that fell in love with a sister - he's a wizard of some kind, heretical thing it was. Even so, even when he loved her so very much, he had chosen himself regardless. You know, he never gave up his self . . . I think that's a little selfish, awful, don't you think ? Even in his old age, he still claimed he loved her. ❞

⸻ ❝  He never died for her nor killed for her, was that love ? ❞ She grabs at Annabel's arm, pulls only just a little bit, she does not think of the pond - but she thinks of death the same way her partner does. They could drown, they could become breathless together.

❝  Annabel, all is worthless if we aren't together. ❞

[phantasmaw]

HE'D RATHER BE A GASLIGHTER THAN A GATEKEEPER WHILE LOOKING LIKE A VISUAL KEI REFERENCE BOARD.

POSER

[phantasmaw]

Hi hi! I'm going to be participating in nanowrimo thise year (and probably carry it into December), so I'll be pretty sparse in the way of threads after the first week of November. With that being said, please take this as a semi-permanent inbox call while I focus my longer-form efforts into nanowrimo!

[phantasmaw]

[phantasmaw]

♢*   —  @attroxx  ​ /  𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐝 & 𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬

why should i trust you? - for micah from casper ~

     〈 ✕ * 〉┊ It's a reasonable question to ask, and one he has heard plenty of times before. Just like all the other times, he comes up empty-handed. By now he really ought to have some semblance of a solid answer. "Well," he says, Southern accent thickening the word into a drawl, "I'd get fired real quick if I got up t' any funny business right outside'a my place of work. And believe me, my bank account can't take that kind'a strain." 

      Believe him. Said so casually, as if that isn't what all this is about in the first place. He sighs. "All I'm sayin' is I don't like bacon, but that's no reason for this to go to waste." Then, he crinkles the paper bag in his hand open. Hopefully the aroma of a toasted bagel, melted cheese, and bacon grease do a better job of convincing the other that he doesn't have ill intentions than his words do. And, hopefully (though this might be a bit much to tack onto one wish), he wasn't making an ass out of himself. Truthfully, he had noticed the man outside a few hours into the night shift. The cafe was a popular spot in the evenings. Free wifi, a public bathroom that didn't require a purchase to use, a shelf of donated books, and the occasional freebie if they had a surplus of stock and the manager wasn't in a shitty mood. It had a way of beckoning to anyone who needed respite. It was why he had started working there. That, and it was really the only place that had given him a chance considering his pisspoor resume and track record of job-hopping from one city to the next. At one point, he had been the one lingering. He supposes this is his way of paying it forward. His way of thinking he might understand the other's hesitation, the inherent distrust, on a more personal level. An open hand with an offering didn't mean there wasn't reason to bite it, after all. But it's not like that meant he shouldn't try. 

        ...Not that there wasn't an ulterior motive, either. Since the past hour, the static hidden by cracked leather gloves had been constricting around his fingers until they began to stiffen. Moths flit about in his stomach. The restless fluttering of their wings irritates his innards enough for a vague sense of nausea to knock against the back of his throat. Somewhere nearby, the ground will open up. Once the ground opens up, the moths will crawl out. It would be best if he locked up before then. Best if this guy wasn't around either.

        Micah nods in his direction. "Pigs come by often, too. Ain't a good restin' spot." His gaze darts over his shoulder, down the dark alley. The streetlight flickers. A faint, undulating buzz begins to creep from the deepest parts of the shadows. He swallows. "Look, just-- it's better if you go now."