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Kaizen, seperti yang sudah-sudah hari ini aku masih merindu padamu. Hampir memasuki 2 tahun waktu berlalu, dan selama itu pula aku tidak berhenti memanggil namamu–meski aku tahu suaraku takkan pernah sampai kepadamu. Lucu ya, aku yang pergi tapi aku juga yang menanggung perasaanku sendiri. Maafkan aku yang masih setengah mati merindumu setiap hari, Kaizen. Aku berdoa semoga makananmu hari ini enak dan mengenyangkan, semoga kamu terbebas dari rasa dahaga, semoga kamu berada di tempat yang nyaman, kasurmu adem pun empuk hingga mampu membuatmu lelap, dan semoga kamu tidur dalam keadaan tenang dan bangun dalam keadaan bahagia serta disinari banyak cahaya. I miss you and i love you so much, Kaizen.

-Now playing "Tonight, Tonight" by Smashing Pumpkins (a song that you gave me)

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Padahal aku yang meninggalkan, tapi aku juga yang mencarimu seperti orang gila.

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When I distance myself from you, question yourself, not me.

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“No matter how attractive a person’s potential may be, you have to date their reality.”

— Mandy Hale

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Lidia Yuknavitch, from Reading the Waves: A Memoir published in 2025

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to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.

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“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular - but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.”

— Unknown

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“While you can’t control someone’s negative behaviour you can control how long you participate in it.”

— Unknown

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─ Hisham Siddiqi

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YOUR FATHER’S A BURNING HOUSE

Sue Zhao / Family Tree, Ethel Cain / Unknown / Father, The Front Bottoms / Silver Spoon, Erin Lecount / Unknown / Sarah Kay

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i'd go to war for love but not for my country

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WHAT DID YOU SAY? "chinatown" by girlpool / "the record player song" by daisy the great / "play it again" by ada limón / "laments" by hop along / "honeydew" by small talks / "my darling, my hamburger" by paul zindel / "take off ur pants" by indigo de souza / journal excerpt, april 22 2025

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Harvard / Albert Camus / Rainer Maria Rilke / Charles Bukowski