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[pierdutainmine]

I think that my crush is with someone and…it doesn’t really affects me as i thought it would… maybe it’s because of my disorganised attachment type… perhaps i liked the idea of being with him instead of liking him… i should focus on myself

[pierdutainmine]

Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera makes short Tiktok videos about toxic dysfunctional dynamics between parents and their children or between romantic partners so that the viewer can better understand how diverse trauma developed and how it can look like. Good for people who think they had a normal childhood but they now have anxiety, depression, addictions, low self esteem and so on.

On Tiktok: the holistic psychologist / Dr. Nicole LePera

[pierdutainmine]

What is a disorganized attachment style and why can it be detrimental?

With this attachment style, there is a push and pull internally that you struggle with. You have this dire need and desire to be wanted by someone, to have someone, to be someone’s person, yet nothing terrifies you more. Nothing makes you more sick to your stomach, and nothing brings you more anxiety.

There is a constant dilemma wavering over your head. Usually, one parent emotionally starved you through their non-verbal absence, they never met your needs, they never protected you, they never gave you the unconditional love you so desperately craved for, and quite frankly needed and deserved. And in most cases the other parent represented a constant rollercoaster of emotions. They were unpredictable, chaotic, abusive, but also loving, nurturing, and caring in some circumstances. They brought you the safety and took it away just as fast. Over and over again, “I’m here!” to “I left again” over and over again. Because of this you looked at your parents in fear instead of comfort. Instead of walking towards them for protection, you ran away in fear and confusion. This abandonment wound has grown so deep in you to the point where you believe they wouldn’t come to you when you need them the most, because they never did.

You started to believe that they wouldn’t give you the security or stability that you need. Both parents emotionally (sometimes physically) left, with no explanation or communication. Or in some other severe cases both or (one) parent abused or neglected you and your needs at a very young age, and so you grew up thinking that 'love' is a conditional circumstance, and it's not given, especially by the people you're supposed to hold close to. In short, they didn’t provide the emotional or physical support or security a parent should have brought or in a way that you needed.

You felt as if you weren’t enough for their love so why would anyone else in your life be different? Why would another soul bring you the security your own parents starved you from? How can you become vulnerable to someone who would just leave in the end? How do you show the darkest parts of yourself to another? How do you let the wall come down? You were taught that no one will be there when it does. And with all this fear, there is still a part of you that wants a home.

You want someone to hold you and give you the peace you never felt. You want someone to look at you with pure intentions, and with care. You want someone to put you first because no one in your life ever did. No one ever showed you that your feelings matter, or that you are worthy of the love you crave. You want a home, a safe, secure, stable home. And now you search for it. Everywhere. And when and if you do, you run.

The idea of someone else actually seeing you, and all your parts makes you insecure and afraid. Being vulnerable is terrifying, showing a part of yourself just means they will take that part from you, and leave. Because they always do. Yet still, you have this deep void. A deep void of wanting a connection, wanting to be needed, and wanting to give. Now you may struggle emotionally and wither between being numb towards wanting a partnership to wanting nothing more. “What if the person I choose doesn’t choose me?” And this constant dilemma goes around and around your head. You feel as if no one is able to understand you, or love you in the way that you need. So instead, you fall for the people who naturally represent the abandonment wound that bleeds in you.

You fall for the one person that you know will leave, because that's what's most comfortable to you. It’s what’s most known in your eyes, it's deemed as what’s most ‘safe.’ The person you choose to give your heart to, is the same person you know that will abandon you. You already know how the story ends, so you naturally will choose someone who fits that absent character. They will never love you in the way that you long for, in the way that you search for, but that’s the type of love you only feel safe enough to accept. You’ll go in circles with this person, and you’ll constantly ask yourself “Why am I never good enough?” “Why can’t they just understand me for a second?” “Am I asking for too much?” “I’m never worth it, I’m not enough.” And the cycle repeats.

Or in some cases you find someone special, and the second they don’t represent your abandonment wound, the second they get too comfortable being with you, too comfortable with showing you their affection, their secure love, you run. This type of love is not common for you, nor does it feel safe enough to have, or to hold. Only until you heal that abandonment wound you have deep down, the only people in your life will just be a walking affirmation that says “You are not worth it.”

Ultimately, you crave to find the love you never received, but search for it in all the wrong people.

The people you choose are mirrors of everything you feel about yourself. You don’t think you deserve the safe love you yearn for. So when someone comes in, and they don’t represent the ‘safe’ mirror of being the person who will leave, nothing scares you more.

So until you look in the mirror, and see someone who is only deserving of the love you never received, you will only keep seeing a broken soul crying to be truly seen.

[pierdutainmine]

Believe it or not, my fear of abandonment can make me pull away the second i sense rejection.

[pierdutainmine]

Having a disorganized attachment style is so weird and frustrating. Because, like, I want and crave love and attention but the second someone tries to show me it I push them away and shut down. Because that's scary, if they give me affection then they'll either leave, or want something back, and I'm not ready to find out what kind of payment they'll want.

[pierdutainmine]

Disorganized Attachment Style: What Happens When Someone Becomes "Consistent"

One thing no one talks about with a disorganized attachment style, is the way your brain will automatically block and suppress feelings for someone once these feelings don't mirror the same pain you once felt growing up. Once they become somehow consistent for you, it can feel worse when they come to you because suddenly they don't fill your deepest void, and you'll ask yourself "do i still care?" "why am i not overly attached to this outcome anymore?" "i don't feel fear but i also don't feel this intense need for them, do i even want them?"

Struggling with a disorganized attachment style with abandonment issues creates this idea in your head where those questions causes deactivation and the desire for them somehow vanishes.

The intense lows and highs/feelings that once persisted must always be there or the lack of will showcase a less desire for them.

Therefore a lack of fear = lack of interest.

You feel comfortable with the scarcity mindset, you feel comfortable with "'needing" someone, so when you don't have that need, there's a part of you that feels like they won't be able to give you the "fulfillment" feeling you think you always need in order to like someone.

The truth is, that feeling you are holding onto is just a comfort zone for you and keeps you from letting that one part of you that you hide, out.

That feeling of not needing is something you're not familiar with, so with it brings up the need of past patterns that you once subconsciously or consciously always held onto.

It's okay to not need someone, it's okay to not have this black or white mindset with other souls, and it's okay to just be okay in the moment and not have a constant rollercoaster of emotions embody you. This "desire" you think you always need in order to feel emotionally safe is only because now it doesn't represent the home or care you received as a child.

You're comfortable with the highs and the lows so when someone you once felt you could lose no longer gives you that fear, somehow that need for them dissipates.

Now if you experience this, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you can't fall in love, it just means you now are experiencing love or care in a way that you feel is unsafe because it's the love you've never had the chance to hold onto.

It's okay to not need someone.

[pierdutainmine]

The beautiful thing as you get older is that you realize so many “rules” are made up and you can just do whatever. Posters can go anywhere in the house not just my room. I can sit down while cooking a meal or taking a shower. I can make the same thing for breakfast lunch dinner for a week straight. I can roam around the house shirtless. I can wear a dress with jeans. The world is my oyster key word my and I can live as I please embracing little things such as this

[pierdutainmine]

Free Meanspo🩵🩵

A/N: Thank you guys, i thought that i would get around like idk 5 likes but i got shocked qhen one of my post had over 40!! That's why i'm coming up with free meanspo for y'all!!

TW: ED

I think it's kinda pathetic that you need meanspo to actually keep up with ur fast-

Like really? Just not eat pathetic slut. I probably shouldn't use that word cause even if you were a free whore nobody would want you with that body. It's disgusting. If i were you i would probably just kms. You better throw away the fork you wanna pick up so bad. Remember what you eat in private is what you wear in public, fattie.

I can't believe that somebody like you could even think about food, all though you look like you don't think about anything BUT food.

What is wrong with you? Nobody would want someone that looks like you. Just think about it- Like- appearance DO matter. No good personality would make up for what YOU look like.

[pierdutainmine]

༉‧₊˚List of Safe Foods˚₊‧༉

Rice cakes

Apples

Cucumbers

Grapes

Strawberries

Diet Coke

Green tea

Light yogurt (greek is even better for added protein)

Celery

Lettuce

Watermelon

Egg whites

Green beans

Shirataki/konjac noodles

Zero Sugar Gatorade

Cauliflower rice

Boneless skinless chicken breast

Mushrooms

Sugar free jello

Sugar free popsicles

Sugar free coffee creamer (in small amounts)

Light string cheese

Imitation crab

Cherry tomatoes

Meal replacement/protein bars

Protein shakes

Canned/pouch tuna

Skinny Girl syrups & dressings

Progresso light soups

PB2 (powdered peanut butter)

Quaker Rice Crisps

Air popped popcorn

Applesauce pouches

Fiber brownies

Sugar-free gum

Halo Top ice creams

Lowfat/Fat free sliced chicken or turkey deli meat

Dill pickles

Radishes

Blueberries

Joseph's lavash bread & pita bread

Broccoli

Brussels sprouts

Unsweetened almond milk

Zucchini

Cantaloupe

Bell peppers

Roma Tomatoes

Ultra thin pretzel sticks

Here are all of my favorites 💖 Anything I should add?

[pierdutainmine]

Am 2 luni ca sa slabesc 7 kilograme...oare o sa reusesc?

trebuie sa mananc maxim 1050 de calorii zilnic si ma gandesc sa caut un complex de multivitamine ca sa nu am vreun deficit....

[pierdutainmine]

Nici nu stiu de ce il plac kinda ca nu am vorbit cu el vreodata…. Dar efectiv simteam cum m-am rosit cand am vorbit ultima oara si imi tremura vocea si doamneee cat de cringe a fost… dar as vrea sa incerc din nou… desi colegele lui de grupa arata atat de nice si + faptul ca a placut o fata total opusa mie cel putin la aspectul fizic…. Probabil sansele mele sunt in intervalul numerelor negative…

[pierdutainmine]

Vreau sa slabesc, sa fiu mai pretty

Vreau sa incerc sa mai vorbesc cu el dar cand ma uit la el imi intorc capul si l ignor

Vreau sa fiu iar la bursa sa am banii mei

Vreau sa i ajut pe ai mei sa nu mai fiu un jeg murdar si o lipitoare afurisita

Vreau sa fiu mai bine

[pierdutainmine]

think about all the times you said "there's still a while 'til summer/holiday/school, I don't have to start now".

you said that MONTHS ago.

you could've been skinny by now.

instead you're looking down at fat legs and fat thighs you can't even fit your chubby fingers around.

you could've gotten that boy's attention,

and you could've FELT PROUD.

instead you're sitting here, fat and disgusting, looking thru Tumblr cuz you feel guilty act your last binge.

think of how grateful you'll be in a couple months if you were to start NOW. not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW.

do it for you. lose the weight and be the happy dainty th1nsp0 girl you always wanted to be.

[pierdutainmine]

sa fiu in bucatarie si sa nu simt nevoia sa mananc nimic e goal ul meu sincer

maine o sa ma imbrac mai pretty (si pentru ca e foarte cald) si poate incerc sa vrobesc din nou cu el

at this point, si amicitie mi-ar placea sa existe

[pierdutainmine]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[pierdutainmine]

think about all the times you said "there's still a while 'til summer/holiday/school, I don't have to start now".

you said that MONTHS ago.

you could've been skinny by now.

instead you're looking down at fat legs and fat thighs you can't even fit your chubby fingers around.

you could've gotten that boy's attention,

and you could've FELT PROUD.

instead you're sitting here, fat and disgusting, looking thru Tumblr cuz you feel guilty act your last binge.

think of how grateful you'll be in a couple months if you were to start NOW. not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW.

do it for you. lose the weight and be the happy dainty th1nsp0 girl you always wanted to be.