piraticalwit - Tumblr blog

[piraticalwit]

only nose deep in hay and horsehair at this point but all of my dashboards show me the same nine people (i love those nine people) so genuinely you could be posting every single day and thanks to tumblr i'm convinced that you're dead. also my brain is a trash heap so i'm fully gonna intend to check that you're not dead and then i'm 100% gonna forget so -

piate energy still strong and accounted for but i'm forehead deep in hay and horsehair

[piraticalwit]

@partplastic killian was made for the plastics are you kidding me.

[piraticalwit]

piate energy still strong and accounted for but i'm forehead deep in hay and horsehair

[piraticalwit]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. I missed youuuuuuuu. I am slowly coming back I think and I just missed you and wanted to say hello. <3 <3 <3 <3

HELLO, MATE !!! i missed you tooooo!!!

[piraticalwit]

like for a short starter. will probably post some and queue the rest. i have enough muse to make an official comeback. strike while the iron is hot, mates.

[piraticalwit]

Annual “look I found @piraticalwit in the wild” post

[piraticalwit]

Killian has returned which means Jen has swapped out his hook for a door handle attachment for the third time

he's convinced they love him.

[piraticalwit]

i just think amelia deserves to shove @piraticalwit off his ship before commandeering it, it's what she deserves uwu

[piraticalwit]

recap 'cause its been a bit. this blog is barrie canon based, which means the following:

he is a villain. he is not your bestie. he doesn't want to be your bestie.

he murders children (with glee)

he murders his own men and friends for things as simple as being in his way or as something to do while he thinks

he is a tyrant that captains (both literally in canon verses and figuratively in modern verses) those in his 'friend circle' with an iron aggression

he is arrogant, stubborn and most often blinded by greed

he can be funny and charming and cute but he'll still bitchslap you at some point

he has an affinity for flowers

he plays the piano

he's scared of his own blood

he is so charming, that when kidnapping the children in the novel, he offers his arm to wendy and she goes willingly

while personality obviously changes in some ways based on the differing environments and circumstances in every verse ... his temper is present in each and every one. he is always capable of losing it.

he's misogynistic (though he admits that some women surprise him)

other muses can try to put him in his place etc but he's not a teddy bear. be prepared for him to fight. back.

be gay do crime is the motto of the jolly roger.

[piraticalwit]

365 days with Killian Jones: Day 126

[piraticalwit]

imagine hating someone so much that you make an entire choreographed song about it.

[piraticalwit]

@criticalfai1ure said: “This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles”

He's tired, muscles aching after a two day investigation and thoughts turned onto nothing else but the promise of sleep. The ground beneath him shifts with that weary vertigo borne from fatigue and Killian all but trips trying to right himself. Bloody hell... the curse is a whisper under his breath, a huff of air that could have been nothing but wind as gloved fingers press down on the other man's shoulder, forcing him into the passenger seat of the detective's car. A stolen moment, a pause for breath as his forehead presses against the cool steel (good girl), rough lips muttering a prayer for patience... and then the Irishman is squinting in the orange glare of the setting sun, long strides carrying him to his own place behind the wheel.

Hugo is still talking - had he even bloody noticed he was alone? - and Killian sets his jaw against the urge to finally snap. Instead, he settles for a yawn, an attempt at guilt that no doubt will entirely miss its mark, before interrupting his companions words with a few of his own. "Hugo, mate - listen, I ... Hu - Hugo!" The name is a bark of sound, sharper in the tight interior than Killian means it to be, and blue eyes wince slightly, flickering to catch his passenger's profile before returning to the road. "Sorry, mate, it's just that .. Christ, I'm so fucking tired. I'm not even supposed to be working right now, you know? We're not swapping anything, you daft git. I'm going home. To sleep. Where I should have been hours ago. But first I'm going to take your sorry arse to the station where you'll no doubt be able to swap all the stories you want with the gits you meet there."

That should be the end of it. There's nothing else to it. He repeats it to himself for the next thirty seconds, reminding the part of him that is stupid enough to be curious that he'll regret any questions within two minutes of them falling out of his mouth .. and yet... " I'm going to regret asking this, but ... Why'd you steal that elderly woman's dog? The report from the neighbor said she was practically frantic. That's not like you, aye?"

He's going to regret every bit of this, he knows it. The certainty is as present as the beat of the heart within his chest... but the Irishman can't help the sudden swerve into a nearby car park, tongue pressing to the inside of one cheek as he gestures to the sign ahead of them. 24 Hour Breakfast. Somewhere his bed is waiting, clean and cool and all but begging him to come home ...

Bloody hell.

[piraticalwit]

like for a short starter. will probably post some and queue the rest. i have enough muse to make an official comeback. strike while the iron is hot, mates.

[piraticalwit]

joe's drafts: fun adventures, mystery solving, bestie bracelets

killian's drafts:

[piraticalwit]

       Good girl. With one simple phrase, Ruth knew that she would never bloody live this down. Her eyes narrowed in warning, silently urging him to move the fuck on to the plan he’d supposedly needed her help for. It would be worth it for the women who had already died, and to prevent any more winding up with the same fate. It was a mantra she repeated to herself now, and was sure she would repeat multiple times over the next few days as she resolved herself to working closely with Killian fucking Jones, one of the most infuriating men in the force.

       She listened closely to his explanation. It made sense for a predator like that to prey on women who already were in a vulnerable state and therefore more susceptible to his charms, no matter how angry it made her. It even made sense, to her rational mind, that she’d need to falsely put herself into such a position to successfully lure him in. But Christ, Killian really was asking her to pull off an Oscar-worthy performance if she had to make it seem plausible that she not only fancied the man and was in a relationship with him, but that one argument could turn her into a weepy fucking mess. She was no Meryl Streep, but she had to try, didn’t she?

       The plan made sense. It really, really did. But, her mouth falling open a little at just how outrageously convenient this suggestion might have seemed under different circumstances, Ruth was determined not to let Killian’s well-known ego get too carried away. “ If I find out this was all just a ploy just to get a picture of the two of us to claim to your buddies that you’re dating the lesbian… I will end you, d'you hear me? ” While speaking, she’d instinctively reached for the nearest object available to wave threateningly in his direction — which turned out to be a nearby blank microscope slide, hardly threat worthy equipment, but still.

       Yet, in spite of her words, she wasn’t backing out. Not even at the prospect of being left alone with a murderer. After all, Ruth knew what he was. And she was hardly defenceless. Her right hook could do a fair bit of damage in a pinch — so long as she judged the right moment to lower the helpless girl facade. A facade that, in itself, was going to take a lot of work to perfect… “ The point is to catch him in the act, right? See if he’ll lure me to some dark alley and try to kill me. So we have to let it go on as long as we possibly can. ” She met his gaze, grim acceptance in the lines of her face. “ At least let me have a knife secreted on me somewhere, should the worst happen.And I’ll need an outfit that makes me look the part of the poor vulnerable damsel. I trust your division will cover that expense? ”

[piraticalwit]

imagine chilling out on your ship. minding your own business. drinking your rum. listening to your crew fight. hearing one or two being drowned by mermaids. but you dont care bc you finally took out one of the flying kid's lackeys and then out of fucking nowhere said flying kid (@heartsdefine) just appears like hey whats up.

talk about hook's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

[piraticalwit]

rufio's throwing a rock at hook's head.

(just in case you forgot that ghosts can't throw rocks)