plaguerattle

[plaguerattle]

can my next goal just hurry up and get here already? i have a fucking financial responsibility to stay alive and it’s pissing me off so much

i can’t stand being here right now!!!! april get here already, i want to die!!!!!!!

wish i were home rn so i could break out the comfort monsters to doodle my damn anxieties away, fuck retail i could be making pixelart of silly guys rn

[plaguerattle]

THERES NO FUCKING WAY MY LAST VENT POST IS THE SAME AS WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO POST beginning of the year depression be damned im consistent as hell

i need astl to pass so i can just kill myself already

[plaguerattle]

OH GOD I’VE BEEN REBLOGGING TO THE WRONG BLOG

[plaguerattle]

i need astl to pass so i can just kill myself already

[plaguerattle]

hey genuinely fuck past me for blaming ourself for that piece of shit being triggered by the game

yeah fucking whatever it’s probably our fault but they also FUCKING ABUSED YOU EVERY FUCKING DAY

THEY SEXUALLY ASSAULTED YOU, PLAGUE!!!!

FUCKING HELL DUDE DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR THEM!!

they’re a fucking piece of shit who abused you mentally every day you were together and ON TOP OF THAT BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU DON’T GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT ABOUT YOURSELF TO ACTUALLY CARE WHEN ITS ABOUT YOU: THEY ABUSED YOUR FRIENDS.

that bitch accused your friend of being a pedophile, sexually assaulted your other friend, and CONSTANTLY put down MULTIPLE of your close friends and you felt sorry for them??

FUCK THEM

yeah, it’s been goddamn years and you still think about them! but you haven’t fucking been to therapy of goddamn course you can’t let it go.

it’s your fault and EMBRACE IT!!

shitass can’t enjoy that cringe-ass series because of you? GOOD. it’s trash but it was YOUR trash not theirs! it made YOU feel happy, fucking fantastic that it made them feel like shit because it reminded them of YOU.

you didn’t do anything wrong, you constantly tried to help them you constantly talked them down from the ledge you constantly made them feel better and all they did was make you feel like a sack of shit and then the first time you invited them into your home they sexually assaulted you in your bed.

Plague, they don’t deserve a single BRAINCELL of your mind let alone multiple posts on a vent blog on tumblr.

they’re ass and you’ve improved as a person since leaving them.

fuck them and fuck your self loathing. it’s annoying.

go play your shitty dating sims and make yourself feel better soon

xoxo - you

just found out one of my ex (who im still somehow and for some reason despite it hurting a bit friends with)’s triggers is danganronpa and

i think it’s my fault

because it’s been one of my hyperfixations for like two years now and it started just around before we started dating

so

it’s probably my fault right?

im a horrible person so i caused them to be triggered by a popular game

im such a fuck up

i don’t even care that they don’t like something i like i just feel so bad for having given someone a trigger

how horrible of a person am i to do that?

fuck

[plaguerattle]

i think i might be autistic but i don’t know how the fuck to get like?? diagnosed??

like i seriously doubt being diagnosed (is that even the right word for this) will help me in any way but it’d be so nice to have a reason for why i act like this

i want my brain to shut up

i got some noise cancelling headphones today at least!! so i won’t have to hear the noises that make my head spin

i didnt know you could add music to posts this is so cool

heres a song i really like

[plaguerattle]

i’ve just been drawing to try and distract myself

these are my splatoon idol group i’ve had for a couple years, decided to give them a redesign for the third game

i barely have a personality anymore

anytime someone at work tries to talk to me my mind goes completely blank and i can’t respond

all i am is a nuisance and a failure

i’m not even good at art

i’m not good at anything

i’m worthless

[plaguerattle]

they all forgot my birthday yesterday

i don’t like my birthday anyways but

it

really hurt

[plaguerattle]

i don’t even know if my friends are really my friends anymore.

anytime i try to talk to them in our server no one responds but then someone else messages and people instantly respond

[plaguerattle]

everyday i think of different ways to kill myself

everyday i think this is it this is the day i’m going to die

but i’m too much of a coward to go through with it

[plaguerattle]

i’m 21 now and everything is worse

[plaguerattle]

just found out one of my ex (who im still somehow and for some reason despite it hurting a bit friends with)’s triggers is danganronpa and

i think it’s my fault

because it’s been one of my hyperfixations for like two years now and it started just around before we started dating

so

it’s probably my fault right?

im a horrible person so i caused them to be triggered by a popular game

im such a fuck up

i don’t even care that they don’t like something i like i just feel so bad for having given someone a trigger

how horrible of a person am i to do that?

fuck

[plaguerattle]

i just wish i could be open about my interests

i tend to find something and latch heavily onto it as my main interest (right now it’s danganronpa) and just

i wish i could have a friend group i could just be open to about my hiperfixations without either being made fun of, completely ignored, or instantly talked over

i let all my friends info dump on their interests and encourage them to speak and talk to them about it but

when i do it im in the wrong?

i’ve talked about this already here but it just bothers me so much,,

i just want friends who care about me

[plaguerattle]

not a vent just a question, why the FUCK am i constanrly getting more hours than my mom who works full time at the exact same job as me???

t*rg*t im part time but you’re giving ME a consistent work schedule and not my mom who’s worked here for like a good six or seven years?? like im happy to be making money but damn that’s not cool

ae

[plaguerattle]

why am i so desperate to just be acknowledged

[plaguerattle]

oh uh i have a job now! i’m almost three months into it,, im kinda happy.

it’s just retail, specifically i work at t*rget which is cool

i feel a little less worthless but

not

not completely

[plaguerattle]

do my friends actually care or do they just act like they do when im hurting?

they either ignore me, just say ‘lol’ and move on, or talk over me whenever i mention something im passionate about but

anyone else in the group they respond to but

im just kinda left in the dark

i sent a drawing i was really proud of into our art chat and my friend just instantly sent a blurry image of an artist from the internet’s piece just to show mat mercer was in it

am i being ungrateful?

my friend and i were talkingh about a school trip we went on and when they messaged about it everyone else responded and when i did i was ignored

am

am i over thinking it?..

am i asking too much to just

want to be acknowledged?..