planejaims

[planejaims]

2

A Brief Introduction

I always struggle with this.

I am a boy, aged 23. I live in North Queensland, Australia.

I currently own a business that is an 8 hour drive from me. It's a cute little bistro in a bowls club. It's run by my mum, opened now for 9 months.

I'm trying my best to manage the backend from here. It's been an insane adventure. And I guess, to truly know me, we're going to have to explore it all.

Actually - maybe I can utilise the way posts work on here. I've I write a post of life and go backwards, ready from the beginning will become a timeline. Smart. Scary.

My mind is something that alters my daily life too. It's something that has continuously affected me. I have memories of seeing people back in grade 3, I was 7 years old. The school I was at recommended for me to be seen by a paediatrician, and I was once. I'm not sure why it didn't continue, but I know I continued to see support workers through school. It continued, and even in senior years of high school they had an external psychologist see me regularly.

Nothing ever came of it. And I spent many years in a vision cycle of trying to find help, not getting it, struggling to live. I was provided with many potential labels, but nothing ever fit. I was medicated, I did so much talking. I spent so many endless days and nights not wanting to be alive.

These are all the memories I truly have. However, these are scattered all between the years. I come and go, reach for help, fail, sleep.

2019, I reached out to a new psychiatrist. We saw each other for some time. We tossed around with bipolar and bpd, but in January 2020, he bought up the idea of 'Dissociative Identity Disorder". At the time, I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. Which was weird - I knew quite a bit about the psychological and neurological health. He spoke about it briefly, but told me it was best to go home and study it myself.

I did research. At the start I didn't really believe it. Especially once I linked certain films to it, but the deeper I dove it made sense.

But

I think I have have hit something

My next train of memories starts the beginning of 2021. It was like I was coming out of a haze, I'm not sure exactly. But as the days went by, I found my self surrounded by belongings that weren't mine, clothes that were definitely not me, in a job that was tearing me down physically and mentally, and living in a home with someone who was actually quite toxic and not good for me.

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, I stripped everything. I quit my job, I disposed of the things that weren't mine, packed what little I had, and I left - disappeared into the sunset.

I'll leave it there for now.

Until next time,

Plain James

[planejaims]

1

I remember back in high school my friends and I were obsessed with Tumblr, and often our conversations would be about out blogs, follower counts, themes, etc. It was such a great medium to get out what we felt without bother. Somehow, in a vast web of strangers, we found safety and love, the things missing from our real lives.

I graduated high school in 2015, so 6.5 years ago to this note. Just writing that feels so strange; so much life has happened in that time. I've decided to bring back a tool I had 8 years ago.

I'm going to use my blog to write whatever comes to mind, which you'll soon discover never ends. I'll create a section about me, however I truly am still learning me also, so this will be updated to reflect.