play-the-game

[play-the-game]

someone i barely know other than in passing and in socials said

“when i see you, and see you lately, it feels like you’re finding more of who you were. you seem so happy in just remembering who you are”

and he was right.

I’m not happy every day.

but between years of my 20s i lost so much of me.

because my late teens were coping with so much trauma and pain, maybe accepting the parts of me in adulthood was painful, and the pressure was painful. maybe my cries about it, although heard, weren’t held enough. maybe no one in some way knew who i really was.

because these days, as i live in my life, faults and growth and grief and pain and love and all,

people see it. because they tell me.

and i love that. and must reflect on years where others saw something missing in a stranger that i cried was missing too.

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most times, we’re only blocks away

I see you in the wind,

I dance to the echos of your feet.

I believe in the ghost of you,

and the human too.

I see your hair groove,

with my off beat patterns,

my braided two steps,

or long or short wavy glides…

my off key singing,

and hope in my eye.

we are

sometimes,

blocks,

away,

yet feeling

your flesh

of my hue.

I dance on the one

for the love of two

[play-the-game]

time flies. wow.

only made it because of love.

funny ain’t it.

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been growing

been working

been learning

been happier

been learning through pain i caused in life at times

but the more i learn

the more grief i feel

that i hold my grief and pain

with others who don’t hold mine

and I’ll only hold others grief for so long

until my already broken back, chooses

to be of the wind with my mind, finally.

[play-the-game]

what a run to go on while working streaming and marketing for Chance the Rapper and others.

very proud of myself

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Jakob Holdt. Boy under the subway. Brownsville, NY, 1972. x

https://www.american-pictures.com/

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Karl Blossfeldt. Dryopteris filix mas. Common male fern, 1928

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Rage Against the Machine

Live ‘97

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Neil Young

Being Candid

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woke up, pissed.

for peace i have always erased myself to be as whatever people see fit.

fuck that. even just for me to me, fuck that.

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so I’ve been DJing a lot. Started producing too.

i don’t post on here much.

but know it’s been a wild time and a wacky great time.

also the music business side of things is still going strong

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It’s because it comes out in my dj sets. comes out in music

ya know, I’m filled with a lot of joy these days. i just don’t know how to write about it.

That make sense?

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STUDIO GHIBLI + FLOWERS

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ya know, I’m filled with a lot of joy these days. i just don’t know how to write about it.

That make sense?

[play-the-game]

[play-the-game]

Never thought I’d stop speaking to mother.

I tried today.

I regret it.

I can’t fight anymore to be seen.

And remained silent when i said “i love you”.

When all I’ve ever said is

“Some things sucked, but i loved you

And will always love you through it”.