plilylover-blog

[plilylover-blog]

Day 6

Well, I didn’t think I was going to work out today because I ate like shit last night and just assumed I fucked myself out of the diet since I am all or nothing when it comes to stuff like this. BUT I DID. I worked out. I ate an okay breakfast and I have so far kept with the decent eating.

30 DS is still as hard as ever but I can feel the improvement in my every day motions. Like standing up, bending over, walking, etc. I am getting better.

So really, since I have had 2 rest days already, this is only day 4 of the 30DS.

My head feels a bit funny. I just think I am thinking too much and questioning how I am truly feeling constantly. When I don’t do that, I don’t feel the anxiety. I just don’t know how to stop the thoughts.. 

I ate:

Special K with almond milk, a tiny bit of a muffin

Tuna sandwhich, carrots

and for dinner, not sure yet. Either dry chicken wings or chicken taco salad.

[plilylover-blog]

Day 5

Skipped work today cause I am a piece of shit

BUT

I did clean the apartment.

I ate : 

Eggs and Bacon

update later

hahah okay.. I don’t even want to update this. I did bad.

I had wine, a bunch of it. For dinner we ate spinach tortellini and broccoli. We did do portion control so the calories weren’t that bad.

but then I got tipsy and then I got the munchies. I ate a bunch of smart food white cheddar popcorn with queso. Then a bunch of finger fulls of cookie butter lol

[plilylover-blog]

Day 4

Hi.

So hard to tell how I am feeling. I haven’t drank in 4 days now and I complain of feeling “too sober”. Sigh. I have hopes though of feeling better as I continue this.

I did day 3 of the 30DS today. Still fookin hard.

I ate:

Bacon, eggs, tuna sandwich, sun chips, pb2, apple and taco salad. 

Surprisingly I haven’t had any sugar cravings. I think that is because I am still actually eating lol and eating what I like.

[plilylover-blog]

Day 3

Rest Day!

Didn’t go to work... :/

Calf is as tight as ever but loosens up the more I move.

I did do 30 minutes on the exercise bike though to have some movement for the day.

What I ate: 

Eggs and Bacon

Tuna Sandwich with some Sun Chips and a pear

Spaghetti squash with meatballs and sauce

Oh yeah, I also stopped drinking. I was drinking nearly every night and enough to feel more than buzzed. Very bad habit and I contribute it to my weight gain. I am interested to see if I lose weight just by not drinking but since I am doing everything at once, it will be hard to tell. 

[plilylover-blog]

Day 1 & 2

I am writing this on day 3 because I just got my new ChromeBook TODAY!! yay! 

The night before Day 1, my boyfriend and I were having pillow talk about me not feeling good enough and I was wrongfully blaming him. I thought about it, slept on it and decided to take responsibility for my own self worth. He is not responsible for my happiness, I AM. This led to day 1..

Day 1: Woke up and did my first day of the 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels. SHE IS KILLER. I always come back to this video. This was the hardest is has ever been for me considering my extremely sedentary lifestyle and massive weight gain. But I did it.

I am cutting out sugar and almost never having cheat days. I am always all or nothing with my diets... but this needs to be a lifestyle change. Cheat days are horrible for me because I will have one then another then another then another.. 

What I ate day one, tracked by my fitbit (I don’t really like the food tracker) but it’ll do..

Chobani Drink

Tuna Sandwich with a bit of Sun Chips

Chili

Day 2: Inevitably, the knot in my right calf is here. Always happens when I start working out again. I finished day 2 of the 30 day shred.

I was telling myself that I would measure myself at first and then buy a scale a month in because I was so afraid of looking at the scale. But my old roommate told me I had some mail at his house and I still had my scale over there... I was too tempted, and honestly should know my weight at the start, and weighed myself. 235lbs.... 235! Ugh 235. I SHOULD be 150. I haven’t measured myself either... I will do that by the end of this week. 

What I ate day 2,

Eggs and Bacon

Tuna Sandwhich with a bit of Sun Chips

Steak, mashed sweet potatoes, mushrooms and asparagus. YUM

[plilylover-blog]

Intro to GOOD HEALTH

Well, here I am again. Starting with what I should have kept up with when I was just 14. 10 years later... 100 pounds later... sigh.

My body is not mean to be this big. My bones, joints and every supporting factor does not want to carry the extra weight. Nor should it. My body is a temple, right? Then why do I not treat it like one then? I will start, though, as I have many times before. 

I am using this blog to type out my feelings, track my progress and keep myself from losing sight on my goals. 

I need to work on just about everything in my life. Let me outline it -

Mental Health: Managing medication, working out, this blog, self love.

My Relationship: Show my appreciation more, pick my battles more wisely, be reliable, be less jealous.

Work: Show up! Actually do my job code, keep busy, help others.

Family: Keep in contact better, attend family gatherings.

Physical Health: Work out, stretch, LOSE WEIGHT, be strong, FINISH 30 Day Shred.

This all sounds like a lot. But the truth is that a lot of things will be improved by just taking one action and keeping with it. Like exercise, it will improved my physical health, mental health, relationship and my motivation to do just about everything else. 

Through my writing, I may sound fucked up in the brain and speaking in a self-hatred form but the overall goal for this is self love and I believe by letting even my darkest thoughts out that it will lead me there. So here is to STARTING, AGAIN!!