plural-affirmations

[plural-affirmations]

Well, lads. That was the last ask. Time to go out with a bang.

If there is nothing, absolutely nothing else you can learn from all 500-odd posts on here, let this one thing be carried deep into your hearts:

You deserve to be yourselves. Always.

Every single scrap and morsel of joy you can claw from the dirt of this wretched Earth is yours. Never let go of it.

I love you all. See ya on the other side.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

I'm really sorry for throwing this all here and you don't have to read or post it, I just need a safe space to scream where my friends/partner systems won't see. Cw for fusion talk, I don't know if that needs a warning

I think I'm starting to fuse with our host and I'm terrified.

I'm just going to call him T for simplicity's sake (he uses they/them pronouns, I'm the only one who can call him.. him. It's a persecutor thing.) but he's been our host since for about two and a half years. I split off about a year and a half ago.

I'm technically a duplicate of him, we're from the same source character, but we're very different. He's all fuckin.. Healed and matured and moved on from his shit, and I haven't. I'm still stuck in who I was and who I am. It's a little easier to live with now, but I feel like I'm the evil alter. I'm like a dark shadow of him, all the horrible parts of himself that he couldn't carry anymore got shaved off and formed into whatever lump of flesh I became.

And I'm fine with that. I can live with that. I don't want to change. I'm surviving just fine as I am and I actually have people around me who don't care that I'm an asshole.

But more and more lately it's felt like T and I are getting muddled. Another headmate said that our souls looked tangled, I don't know how tf he saw that but he's a demon so he just Knows Thing. Someone else explicitly said we're fusing and that I'm going to disappear, but I don't know if I can trust them, because they're a persecutor too and they like to target me.

I've been trying to let go of a lot of exotrauma lately and it's hard. I'm extremely connected to my source and I didn't get a happy ending. My entire existence was based around being manipulated, and that hasn't changed since coming to the system, it's just been new faces doing the same shit. I'm a persecutor that gets targeted by all the other persecutors. I'm pretty much a living punching bag.

But I met a guy in one of our partner systems and I really like him. They've got a bunch of littles that all seem to adore me and I don't know why. One calls me her big brother. There's people who like me. I'm really trying to let myself be ok and to accept that I'm allowed a happy ending this time and that I'm not putting people at risk just by admitting I care about them, but it feels like every step toward that gets me more and more tangled up with T. Me hating myself and him is the only thing that seems to be keeping us solidified on our own.

I'm not against fusion for the whole system, I get it happens sometimes, but I don't want it to happen to me. I don't want to disappear. I finally feel like I'm able to survive my shit enough to function and I have people who would miss me if I was gone.

But honestly I think the scarier idea is that I wouldn't. That I'd be the main one who got to stay. T is in a tangled ass polycule with seven people between our system and two others. And I only really like one of them, I kind of actively hate some of the others. One of the partner system boyfriends C would probably have a full nervous breakdown if he disappeared entirely.

I don't know what to do. Either I stay hateful and cruel and go back to beating up T and pushing everyone away to keep us separated, or we fuse and I either disappear, or destroy everyone else's happiness for the sake of my own. It feels like there's nothing here I can do to win and honestly it's all starting to feel like one cosmic joke. I can't even talk to anyone, because our two closest friends are our partner systems, and I don't want to freak them out.

I'm just so tired. I want to be happy without having it blow up in my face and it feels like that's not possible.

Listen. I used to be scared of fusion of any kind. Terrified. My first fusion was super unintentional, unexpected, and frankly painful for a number of reasons. I avoided the idea of it for so long that even when I realized it would probably happen regardless, I just ignored it. And that made it so, so much worse in the long run.

When it finally came around, it hurt. I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. And I was so caught up with who my predecessors were that I didn't know who I was for almost a full year.

But you know what? It got better. I slowly started picking up on things I liked and disliked, what little differences I experienced. After finding out I loved honey mustard when I used to hate it, it almost became a game to me. "Will I like this food Cameron was fond of? Maybe I'll try makeup like Cara. Maybe I'll create something entirely new for myself." (I did, by the way. Picked up HTML for the hell of it.)

The next time fusion happened, I let it. I felt it coming on for probably about a month or so, and I remembered what happened the last time. So, I sat down and breathed. Didn't panic the same way as before.

And after thinking, it was genuinely nice! I was excited to see how I'd grow this time. What idiosyncrasies I'd pick up. Whether I would still fantasize about Pipeline Punch Monster Energy when I was feeling down.

My gender and orientation went on full-tilt, but even that wasn't as upsetting as the first!

I'm going to tell you something I wish someone would've told me:

Change is going to come whether you enjoy it or not.

Yes, things will be different. Yes, it could very well be emotional and hard at times. But if you're fusing, it's usually for a really good reason, despite if you consciously know what that reason is yet or not. Brains have a pretty good idea of what's best for your system's wellbeing. They're certainly not perfect, but they know damn well how to process complex experiences most singlets wouldn't dream of.

You're not going to disappear, and things aren't going to be nearly as bad as they might seem. I promise you, you'll come out on the other end better. And if shit really does hit the fan? You'll know for next time.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

Hi! I think I’m a questioning system? Maybe? I have a lot of OSDD 1a, but not quite? They’re not fleshed out people, more like little people you day-dream about, except they’re like always there? I’m not sure if it’s even OSDD at all, just wondering if that still counts or if it’s something else entirely.

Thank you!

well i can tell you that that's definitely not a 100% singlet experience. you could have 1a for sure (and i am in no way discrediting your experiences). but also like. yeah. Plurality is a spectrum, and u sure are Spectrum-ing from what i see. definitely look into it more. i wish u the best of luck figuring out all that weirdness (/pos)

godspeed soldier 🫡

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

ahem, hello. so uhhh...I'm a new alter in our system, and I was wondering if you have any tips for you know new alters and stuff, I literally only formed today. And although its pretty nice chilling being myself its still a bit confusing so yeah -🌙 (he/they)

tip 1: do not stress that much

tip 2: if u do, in fact, stress that much, try your best to at least limit thinking about stuff that doesn't matter right this second. all u need to know is that you exist. gender and name and age and fuckin everything else is not the end-all be-all of headmates. if you already know that stuff about yourself, awesome!! if not, maybe just go play minecraft instead of giving urself a headache about it

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

Can I ask for some positivity for.. Apathy holders I suppose is the term? I showed up pretty much exclusively to be numb to a lot of really shitty things happening to our friend/partner system and it's kind of a shitty hand to be the only one not effected by it. I'm not cold, I understand bad things are happening, but I'm also the only one who can not go into panic attacks hearing about them and that's made people think that I'm some kind of emotionless robot who doesn't care at all about what's happening

APATHY HOLDERS AND OTHER PPL WHO HANDLE STRESS ARE SO COOL ...... 💙💙💙💙💙

im so dead serious y'all are fucking awesome. you deserve wayyyyy more credit. if there are no apathy holder fans left then i am dead.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

Questioning plural who has recently discovered this account. Would we still be accepted as a system if we're unsure if our origin is traumagenic or caused by psychosis? (possibly quiogenic) Undiagnosed, don't want to appropriate or offend anyone

-🎉💘

Not offensive at all! May I politely suggest this link

it's just a pluralpedia search result of the word "psychosis", but it has some handy stuff on there. I'd personally recommend psychosisbased, deligenic, psygenic, and hallucingenic. obviously none of these are required labels tho, just tossing suggestions out there

but yeah no that's not appropriation and even if u just go by quiogenic or endo or trauma or literally anything else ur valid and u deserve to have your plurality recognized

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

can I have some positivity for systems which are or have ancestors were stateless??? The country my like great grandparents were from doesn't exist anymore ugh

Hi, really sorry that we're not doing requests anymore, I would've loved to eventually gotten around to this :(

But! I CAN tell you, you're not alone my friend. I was actually just talking to our mom today about how borders are imaginary lines that change over time.

On the flip side of that though, the imaginary lines we draw help group us with similar people, and cultivate various traditions specific to that area. So, it's 100% ok to let yourself feel the way you do about your culture not existing in the way it used to.

Whether it was an Indigenous nation that became colonized, or a place changing it's name like Constantinople to Istanbul, or the dissolving of it altogether such as the Soviet Union, it's ok. Allow yourself to grieve, and try to reconnect with that side of your ancestry if you can. Even researching what dishes were common and how to make them might lead you to creating traditions of your own!

Honor the past, look to the future.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

One of the things that's really hard is when you don't have a healthy system where people get along. Our system is quite literally, hell. And there's a lot of internal abuse and neglect that goes on in here. So honestly. I'd just like to hear that we're not the only person with a toxic system. Not that having such is a good thing, just that we're not the only ones.

It is hard. Our system has been having a lot of issues of all sorts lately. You're definitely not the only one, man. I mean that.

The nature of plurality and life in general is that sometimes Shit Sucks. And you can't really make it Suck Less.

But, that doesn't mean you're a bad person or toxic system for having interpersonal conflicts. Honestly, most of the time, for us, the "problematic" headmates are just re-enacting our past traumas, or they straight up don't know how to deal with big feelings. They're not bad either. Like, you wouldn't say we're bad, right?

Don't hold yourself to such high standards you have to be suffering to reach the top.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

ok. um

i have decided to abandon the blog.

which is. probably upsetting to a lot of you. and I'm really sorry. I've grown a lot as a person (I even fused 2 months after i claimed the url), and I'm just. not as mentally capable to handle the stress that comes with people entrusting me with their deepest darkest multiplicity secrets as I used to be.

I still want to help people, and I'm still deeply in love with the plural community. I'm going to answer all the non-request asks that are left, but after that... this place is shut down.

I love all of you. I'm keeping the blog up, but I'm transferring its ownership to my alternate account for safekeeping. I think seeing it on my main's list every day would make me sad.

if you want to see me on any of my future projects, please check out @evergreensys , and also @evergreen-coining , where I plan to start doing plural, queer, and ND term/flag making

though, of course, if this is where we part ways, I just want to mention how deeply appreciative and happy I am to have been here with you all. I've seen some true kindness in my inbox, and I can't thank you enough. it was so, so awesome to follow through with something that really mattered to me, and I guess it meant a lot to other people too.

stay safe, the future is plural ✊🏻

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

what's wrong with sophieinwonderland? /gq idk anything //cur /nfta

She identifies as and supports the use of the term "tulpa", which tons of people have told her repeatedly is racist as fuck. It's disrespectful towards the closed Buddhist culture that tulpamancy comes from by contributing to the bastardized "Western version" of the practice.

Also, regardless of your opinion on the tulpa stuff, she's just a bad person, honestly. She spreads misinfo about dissociative disorders, supports transID/radqueer shit, and (whether intentionally or otherwise) kicked off a harassment campaign against another plural blogger on here which contributed to them being hospitalized.

This isn't directed at you anon, 'cuz you were just asking (which is totally fine, I don't mind!), but for anyone who knows this stuff already and supports her anyways: fuck off. I'm tired of seeing you on my blog after the DNI in my pinned post. This space is a safe spot for systems of color, and always will be.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

for anyone wondering i have Not forgotten about this blog again, just busy cuz my sister's moving out of state this week and im having trouble finding a different therapist than the one i have now. still plan on revamping the tags and etc etc soon 👍🏻

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

https://www.tumblr.com/plural-affirmations/751666095311716352/u-r-ok-with-faking-disorders-on-purpose-but-not-ok what is anon even talking about lmao

man i have no clue .. ive never even mentioned video games on here to the best of my knowledge ... i know none of you Know Me that well but i watch horror games regularly . i enjoy fucked up TV shows. psychological thrillers is one of my favorite genres. unless it's real actual murder i Do Not Care

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

u r ok with faking disorders ON PURPOSE but not ok w people playing violent video games ??????/

i think everyone faking a disorder on purpose is sooooo soo sexy and cool and im kissing them with tongue. our illegitimate children born out of gay wedlock will only be allowed to play popular 2000s edutainment series JumpStart™ until they're 18

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

I've been trying to info about this but I cant find anything, im a questioning system and im wondering what being not front feels like? I know its different for everyone but I atleast want one perspective haha. If you arent comfortable answering it but know someone else has answered it(on tumblr or not) I'd appreciate a link to it :)

Heyo, we think this is a great question! /gen

For me (host), I've only been away from front very few select times, and it's usually been under extreme circumstances. I'll try to describe what I can remember!

With regards to my typical exeperiences, I find them super disorienting. To me, (at least when I'm actively aware of the switch), I feel kinda blurred around the edges, like I can't quite tell where I end and someone else begins.

I also just generally get the vibe I'm outside of the control of my body, or that someone "colored outside the lines" (no idea if that makes sense out loud, it's late and that's the first thing to pop in my head).

That definitely isn't the exact same perspective as every other system out there, because plurality is far from a monolith.

Really, really sorry this came so late! This post was sitting in my drafts for months and I totally forgot about it, my bad! Hopefully you still see this...

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

How do I tell the difference between the main system and a subsystem? What if anything determines if someone splits into the general system or the sub?

Hi there! So, this question is a very good one to ask, but tricky to answer nonetheless.

First off, it entirely depends on what kind of subsystem it is. At its base definition, it's a group of connected alters. But as you can tell, that's really vague.

Here's some diagrams by @rin-and-jade . They explain everything better than I possibly can in this post (link), but today we're focusing on Type 1 and Type 2, as they're usually the most common (from my own experience).

Type 1 is the classic "alter within an alter" scenario. This can happen for a number of reasons, but trauma is probably the most well-documented cause of it.

Type 2 is when there are separated groups of people within your system, but without being inside a specific individual. Depending on the degree of barriers between groups, this might also be classified as a "sidesystem", or members of a "layer" in headspace, it really just boils down to slight terminology differences. Personally, we find this to usually be pretty similar to type 4 in the graph, but that could just be us misunderstanding the details.

Sorry it took so long to answer! I hope this helps :D

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

OKAY YAY IM HERE

so sorry to everyone thats been waiting for. erm. a very long time. I've kinda had some really bad seasonal (and regular) depression, along with losing a close friend and my fiancé.

but besides all that, I've had a newfound joy for life again recently!! i absolutely cannot guarantee how often I'll reply or post, but I promise I've read everyone's messages over the last several months and i plan to get to all of them soon 💙 thank you so much for understanding and continuing to support us, it means a lot :)

I will also most likely re organize the tagging system, because frankly i keep forgetting which ones to use, and it's a big mess. more on that later, stay tuned for further informative posts!

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

I've recently discovered this blog (maybe ~1 week ago) and I've never done asks so apologies if I somehow mess something up here. I'm a relatively new alter but this has been a conundrum for most of the system since they figured out that they were in fact a system, members of our system will sometimes fuse/integrate (I don't really know the exact terminology) but only for a day or sometimes even just a few hours. It's honestly kind of confusing but mostly the issue is that it's pretty much immediate imposter syndrome for whoever's fused, and it's really not great for our mental health especially given that 3/4 known members of our system have pretty bad anxiety. We're pretty much out of ideas so I figured I might as well ask.

AGH I'm so terribly sorry I didn't see this sooner!!!!

We have actually have had the same phenomenon happen so, rest assured, you aren't experiencing something that "disqualifies" you from being plural (which, to be honest, I don't think that's possible regardless!).

I've said it a lot on here, but brains are really strange! Pretty much anything can happen with them. Sometimes you'll have splits, sometimes fusions, sometimes both at the same time, maybe someone in the system splinters off from another but doesn't consider it a split... or, like you and I have lived through, temporary fusion!

Anything goes with plurality. We're already a pretty brainweird community, and then add in circumstances that led us all to develop completely differently? There's bound to be a vast ocean of possibilities.

You're doing amazing! I hope this helps some, because, truly, you deserve to be comfortable in your own skin ❤️

🖤💜💙💚💛