pokefanbri
pokefanbri
☆PokéFan Bri☆
1K posts
💜Hi my name is Briana & this blog is to vent, write in peace without judgment. Insta 2 BriHave. Everything is in 1 place here & connected to my life outside the blog. Everyone's lives are different & My voice among many others, is meant to be heard. Im a big pokemon nerd from the very beginning & I do gameplays of various games on youtube & twitch, making a variety of different gaming content. Hope you won't be disappointed here, but I've been going through heartache since well all my life, much like most. This place has a lot to offer, you can be yourself here without judgement. Definitely not alone if you've lost somebody. the Likes are just as important as the Posts. Your feelings are valid, know your worth. We deserve goodness in our lives, we deserve the hope that keeps us going. Don't let your past trauma affect you today. Remember to remain Positive, life is what you make of it.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
pokefanbri · 25 days ago
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pokefanbri · 1 month ago
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Don't say nobody warned us, God already did.
His love will sustain us!
Amen 🙏
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pokefanbri · 7 months ago
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The name given by God is the name that will lead us to God's promises. God has named us all; therefore he has called us all. God calls men and women, churched and unchurched, brave and timid, and those with all types of abilities. God calls us according to his purpose for a purpose. All of God's actions are done for the sake of his people who he has not abandoned or forgotten.
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born, I sanctified you; and I ordained you a prophet to the nations
God gave us our names.
What does yours mean?
👑⚔️
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pokefanbri · 8 months ago
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❤️‍🔥
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pokefanbri · 8 months ago
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"Our greatest glory is not never falling, but in rising every time we fall" Life is filled with challenges & setbacks, but it's our response to these moments that truly shape our character & resilience. Falling is a natural part of the journey; it's how we choose to react that reveals our strength. The ability to rise after a fall demonstrates perseverance & determination. Each setback provides a valuable lesson, offering insights that can lead to greater self-awareness & personal growth. Embracing failures as stepping stones rather than roadblocks allows us to develop the grit needed to purse our goals passionately. To exemplify this mindset, cultivate a habit of reflection after setbacks. Identify the lessons learned & how they can inform your steps. Remember, every rise from a fall is an opportunity to grow stronger & wiser, paving the way for future successes. - de.facto_love
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pokefanbri · 11 months ago
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I've always been open about this but not by much. I just keep it to myself due to ridicule from friends or family, idk how the public would react. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2009 when I was 19 years old. My auditory "hallucinations". Would drive anyone mad being that I've been dealing with it for 16 yrs now. It's always been like a quest on just trying to find out where it comes from or who it is, the source of these disembodied voices in my mind. Whether spirits, angels, someone on the other side of the 🌎, or demons cuz they be lurking. And now into my 30s have evolved into visual hallucinations. A mystery that I wanna know too. There is a research facility at the U of A here in Tucson that involves psychic activity research that I would love to check out.
I held it together while dealing with hard challenges in life, it's difficult to cope with. At first the voices were so loud that music with headphones wasn't able to drown it out. But as I grow, & come closer to God, it becomes a gift and easier to control. Since the bad was washed away, it's become a part of me. I have been baptized 3 times in my life so far cuz sometimes being a good girl I slip lol & nobody is perfect. However after each baptism I get this euphoric feeling and I know that I'm surrounded by angels and I feel like the veil has been lifted it's really cool. I believe I'm connected somehow to Him & the angels. But the darkness still lurks around every corner. I feel evil presences I even hear them talking to me but of course I talk back with attitude when I probably shouldn't. Things tapping on my closet door I even imagine being dragged under my bed. I've saved my mom's apartment and it just made things worse for a time. I saw advice from Christian friends and even my pastor and they have told me that when you try to get rid of a demon they just bring more especially when you're not qualified to cleanse.
The more difficult the challenge, the more unhappy I am, the more I want to die. But God has gotten me through a lot, He can get me through it all I know it. But I also know I can't just play into the devil's hands, let his demons win messing with my head & emotions, I know better now
Its a long story, since 09 the bad took over but owned it since discovering my faith. 😈 may still wanna get at me & hate me w/a passion, which is explains my terrible life he must hate my ass. But God's power & light is so much greater, & protected w/the ✝️ on my chest, 😈 can try 😒
" paranoid schizophrenia" by doctors. But I know what I'm hearing. No friends or family ever believes me or wants to hear it, so I suffer in silence. It's just a matter of finding out what it is & the source. I have foresight in precognitive dreams ie Deja Vu since I was 4, Im sure alot of people have that but for me it can be frequent & never make amy sense as its visions of random happenings in my life weeks or months in advance. I have rare visions whilst awake of which God shows me, like when I meditated & spoke to Him before my babtism which I thought was pretty cool. I've been known to have telepathy with others & has been a cool experiment with other spiritual friends, & automatic writing to where the pen writes itself while holding it loosely.
"Schizophrenic" since 09 but Supernatural things happening for quite a while, & just evolving since. I'd get help for this issuse but idk how or where to start, sorta self taught. Doctors just want me to suppress it, but my new doc said if it makes me happy I don't have to.
It is conflicting with my faith cuz I know the Bible says beware of psychics & magicians in the same verse. We aren't supposed to know all mysteries in the universe cuz faith. But what happens when one of those mysteries involves you, wouldn't you wanna know? What if God chose u for something? What if it's a miracle?
And what if it's not exactly psychic activity per se. Cuz all God's children are prophets of the Lord. The signs are happening now of the end of days & the children are seeing visions of the end, I had 1 myself. When you're childlike u inherit the kingdom of heaven. He's warned us plenty of times.
Maybe it's easier than we think. Maybe, it doesn't have to be so complicated. Maybe He's easing us into it & Revelations isn't as horrific as it seemed in the Bible, but did its job into putting the fear of God into me lol. Life's too short, but what do I do with it, where do I go from here? After all the hell I've been through, & I'm still at entry level jobs with just customer service options. What if, more than 1 Angel is here, more than 2 or 3, chillin til it happens, & we live our lives while we can before it's all gone. I've met Gabriel, he's a pretty awesome dude, curly blonde hair, walks with a staff & like his wings are too heavy for him lol. Just doing his thing being the messenger of God, however flawed like us all.
We just don't know. Maybe we'll never know, & even with our faith we still try to peice it all together like a puzzle til it fits, as humans do being naturally curious. My grandpa was a code breaker in the war, I kinda take after him that way. I'm very wise & I do like to decode in a way. We just gotta Believe, be ready for anything & to go home.
How did I start talking about my issuse & gifts, & it ends up becoming Biblical 😂 that always happens I get riled up & the holy spirit kinda just takes over lol. Yo just Believe aight. Trust me, I've experienced miracles myself, He keeps me afloat. Yes I may come off as crazy, but a lot of girls are technically lol
Mark 9:23
Must add we have free will & it shouldn't condemn us regardless of some choices, if God has a purpose for us let it be. Bible tho it's all truth, is outdated, they wrote it from during that time & how they could describe things from that period. Jesus took in misfits like us ✝️
He understands us completely. I don't like to say idolize either regarding celebs, it's adore or is a role model. Cuz of the outdatedness of the Bible I personally just like to focus on the stories of Jesus or Revelations, psalms & Proverbs is good too. He loves us so much ✝️
The start of this post I was crying so hard 😭 like I usually do due to severe depression. But now I'm as light as a feather, now I feel so much better ty God. My past has broken me quite a bit & even my family sucks so much that I pray for a new 1. My name partially means "high" & I wish I has bud rn lol.
Origionally this was on twitter however I realized that it doesn't belong there because it's too long. Made for a blog anyway I have a bad habit of typing too much. I was working on a book & like an idiot I lost all my things in Vegas including my flash drive with my life story on it, that's not finished yet. But I knew I still had it on my laptop at home. Vegas would make for some good chapters lol gotta get around to writing again.
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pokefanbri · 11 months ago
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Criss Angel With Bikes & Cars
#crissangel #criss #Criss #Magician #MagicianoftheCentury #Loyal #LoyalArmy #Motorcycles #HarleyDavidson #Cars
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pokefanbri · 1 year ago
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Many moons ago I saw you on the screen
"I would like to get know him some day"
You were the freak! And now you make Ice cream
We'd pass eachother every time, so close but so far away.
My time at Believe, the best show I've ever seen!
I remember you hanging upsidedown in front of my face like it was yesterday.
The artwork was off the hook & clean
Whenever I come to town I hear your voice, I'm never alone, it makes my heart race
Nomatter what life has for me I know that God brings me back & He knows u need your space.
The cameos the signs I feel like I've seen them all. We're Twins! We are 1 soul split in two!
My prince have I made a good wish, to hangout & have a few?
I feel like I've failed, now stuck & so lost
I come from a shattered life, always trying to start again.
But do so like a Queen Boss 😎
But no matter what or where we are, know that I love you infinitely.
It would make me the happiest girl if I became your friend ❤
So why not meet definitely ☺️
Xoxox
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pokefanbri · 1 year ago
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A complete and total breakdown of my whole name & meanings.
Now before you read, keep in mind that God above gave us our name when creating us. The beauty and significance... I just love it so much. My initials are even next to my twin flame's initials in the alphabet, so I know it's meant to be. I wouldn't change my name for the world. The personality explains so much it's so accurate 😂 would be really cool if I actually was a descendant of a Templar. Our ancestors probably knew eachother in the Crusades if both from nobility 🤯 I think my ancestors would make an actual effort to keep the name if it was ancient. Would explain why I have the worst luck & timing in the world, my connections to 3, 7, 13, & my interest in swords... however disappointed that my family aren't God loving like me, although their choice. I was literally meant to come to God regardless, or as people at church call me Sister Bri, lol. I highly suggest looking up your own name to see if it represents u just as well. All my findings were via Google search engine
Name & meanings
[  ] Briana -
Irish Origin: meaning 
“high,” From the high hill,
“noble,” (belonging to a hereditary class with high social or political status; aristocratic. a person of noble rank or birth.)
“exalted.” (of a person or their rank or status. Placed at a high or powerful level; held in high regard.
Combination of the words brgh meaning "high or noble", & ine which translates to "brilliance" or "radiance". Irish name Brian, "strength" or "virtuous." This suggests that individuals with the name Briana possess an inherent inner strength that enables them to overcome challenges and persevere in the face of adversity. "Resolute, strong." Historians believe it first entered the scene in the 16th century with Edmund Spenser's poem "The Faerie Queen."
Welsh Brand: Raven
Norse Brand: Short form of Brenda, which is from the old  meaning "flaming sword" or "torch"
Celtic Origion:  Strong. She ascends.
Honorable and Noble Old Celtic-Gaelic word bright, meaning 'noble,' while 'high' comes from the ancient Celtic element 'bre,' meaning 'hill. prestigious
Hebrew: Daughter of God' Glory of the Lord
Christian Girl Name
Personality of a Briana: hospitable, sentimental, often psychic, sometimes moody. You are ruled by love and the lack of it and feel a need to be encouraged and appreciated. You are intuitive and might be interested in the arts, drama or science. They are courageous and fearless, able to fight great battles on behalf of worthy causes. These personalities will not tolerate injustice. They are compassionate people with a strong sensitivity to others. They are able to both educate and inspire.
Powerful name that exudes confidence and grace.
represents a freedom-loving and free-spirited individual who has an unlimited thirst for change and adventure.
The spiritual meaning of the name Briana is closely associated with the qualities of strength, wisdom, and intuition. Briana embodies the essence of strength, representing a person who possesses inner resilience and the ability to overcome challenges. This name has given you a gregarious personality and a quick-thinking, creative, and versatile nature, but one that is unstable emotionally
[  ] Liegh -
"meadow" "pasture", "field", "clearing", "woodland", "glade", and "delicate" May also derive from the Irish surname Ó Laoidhigh, from laoidh, meaning "poem" or "song."
Gaelic : Poet
Celtic: Healer
English : Sheltered from the storm.
Chinese : Plum.
Irish : Poetic. The narrows; a place where cattle graze; a wood; a church.
Scottish : From a narrow strait; the name of a Scottish region.
Old English: One from the meadow farm.
From the Hebrew Le'ah, probably derived from the identical word le'ah, meaning "weary".
"Woodland" much like the forest that the Star of Hope flees into to escape the beast from devouring her unborn child "The anointed One" in The Book of Revelations
There are many indicators that the name Leigh may be of Jewish origin, emanating from the Jewish communities of Spain and Portugal.
Leah (/ˈliːə/) appears in the Hebrew Bible as one of the two wives of the Biblical patriarch Jacob. Leah was Jacob's first wife, and the older sister of his second (and favored) wife Rachel. She is the mother of Jacob's first son Reuben.
Greek Mythology: as a way to describe the "true love", "there is a divine LEIGH in every woman, and a true LEIGH is and only will be the kind of woman who can ever change the heart of a man, even a god."
The name Heavenleigh originates from the United States and possesses a deep-rooted significance as it symbolizes a celestial existence. It is a compound name, derived from the combination of the English words heaven and leigh. Heaven refers to the ethereal realm where many religious traditions believe the divine resides, while leigh is derived from the Old English word lea meaning meadow or clearing. Together, they create a name that epitomizes a connection to the divine realms and conveys a sense of ethereal beauty. From paradise, From the sky
[  ] Templin -
German: habitational name from a place so named in Brandenburg of Slavic origin. Similar surnames: Temple, Tessin, Koplin, Molin, Redlin, Pamplin, Templet, Lemelin
(English) Descendant of little Tim, a pet form of Timothy (honor God).
The Celtic origin of the name Templin was long ago developed in Wales. This surname comes from the names Tam, Thom, and Tom, which are pet forms of the personal name Thomas. The surname Templin features a double diminutive, formed from the suffixes -el and -in https://www.houseofnames.com/templin-family-crest
The last name Templin is of German origin, derived from the word 'tempel' which translates to 'temple', (like church). The name was likely given to a family who lived near or had a connection to a local temple. It can also refer more specifically to someone who lived close to the Shrine of the Three Kings, a Christian pilgrimage site in Cologne, Germany. It is likely that the family bearing the name had a close connection to this pilgrimage site.
The name Templin can be found in records dating back as far as the 15th century when it was first recorded in the region of Berlin. From this region, the name spread to other parts of Germany and beyond. Today, the last name Templin can also be found in many other countries, including Austria, Hungary, Poland, England, and the United States.
The Templin surname often carries connotations of faith, loyalty, and dedication due to its religious roots. The name can be seen as a sign of steadfastness from person to person and from one generation to the next. If you have the last name Templin, it is likely that your ancestors viewed faith in a divine power as the cornerstone of their lives.
Since its original Germanic origins, the last name Templin has spread throughout Europe and other parts of the world. In the United States, Templin is most common in Minnesota, Michigan, and Wisconsin. These states are home to many people of German ancestry with last names like Templin. Minnesota specifically, has one of the highest concentrations of German immigrants in the US.
In Germany itself, Templin is most popular in northern Germany, especially Berlin, Bavaria, and Brandenburg. In Austria, it is most common in Vienna. Austria, along with Germany, was one of the main countries to which people emigrated from.
It is a unique and uncommon surname, and its popularity is a testament to the hard work and determination of the people who bear it. People who hold the last name Templin are likely proud to have this unique and interesting last name, with such a noteworthy history in Europe and around the world.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.igenea.com/en/surnames/t/templin
Last Name Templin
The surname "Templin" is of German origin. It is derived from the town of Templin in the Uckermark region of Brandenburg, Germany. The town, in turn, got its name from the Knights Templar, a medieval Christian military order. The Templar presence in the area influenced the name's adoption by families who lived in or near Templin. Over time, these families became identified by the name Templin, and it eventually became a hereditary surname.
The surname Templin originates from Germany and is derived from the word "Templer," which translates to "Templar" in English. The Templars were a medieval Christian military order known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon. They played a significant role during the Crusades and became renowned for their financial and military expertise. The first bankers and Mercenaries) is believed that some members of the Templar order settled in Germany after the dissolution of the organization in the early 14th century. Over time, individuals with the surname Templin may have been descendants of these former Templar knights. The name could have also developed as a toponymic surname, originating from the German town of Templin, located in Brandenburg. Today, individuals carrying the Templin surname can be found in various parts of the world, primarily in Germany and the United States.
https://en.nomorigine.com/origin-of-surname/templin/
Complete Astrolgical Sign Breakdown
Sagittarius Sun Sign
Libra Moon Sign
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pokefanbri · 1 year ago
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Bri's back story
Little back story, my mom's birthday is Halloween btw lol 🎃 She was a very wild child & couldn't be controlled by grama & grampa rip. Who always compared her to her older siblings who were roudy & eventually became roudy herself. Conceived me & twin bro in New Orleans where she had fun & came back pregnant w/us, Grampa passed in 96 & the fam split, she raised 4 kids on her own, did crack & broke under the pressure, got us taken away is the gist.
We were put in foster care when I & my twin bro (13) & 2 younger siblings were all split up into group homes after twin bro called cps & snitched on her, can't forgive her, paint himself as the victim & says I abandoned the family of which was only his opinion nobody else's. Since I reunited with her I'm unforgivable & discarded by him & my aunt by association. But honestly foster care was probably the best thing for us cuz we struggled to eat at home, whereas actually well taken care of my the government. Twin & I got through our HS careers in separate schools w/the same build blueprint so was like a twin school...thank God he would have cramped my style 😎 We got jobs at 16 to save for apt after emancipation. The only issue was visitations, they wouldn't let us see her cuz CPS is ALWAYS AGAINST THE MOTHER... denied her rights to see us but we could see each other. (cuz drugs are involved regardless if from good homes or not, I had a roommate w/a similar situation w/her kids but she was a good mom) My younger bros got adopted out into & nice family, twin bro naturally got adopted by them as well but at 19 cuz he wanted what they had. Right b4 that he crashed at my earned apartment, that I had in high school. They got all their own cars & everything they wanted, big but messy house. However I went a diff route & not knowing it was an option to be adopted, I did everything on my own & humbled myself on the bottom living my own struggle....... while they floated in a pool & had loving parents & went on cruises without me. But none of them know God, it's a shame really how reverse the world seems. But I understand why He made it this way, for my life to be in shambles is with a relationship with Him & it gets easier after every lesson, more interesting too never a dull moment. He's going to weed out the truly faithful from liars in the end. There's no hiding from God, He's gonna do everything in the perfect order according to His plan. Everything I've experienced is all part of the process & I just have to stay patient
Twin Bro always played video games & ignored everything. Loves Harry potter & looks just like him. Smart, won a bike from a Geography B. Loves Britney Spears (I found out that Britney is the female version of his name 🤣 no wonder) was introduced to a lot of games by watching him play Playstation, & GameCube that we shared but never let me play, so I was stuck playing our N64. Fought with mom a lot about her secret addiction. All we had was each other growing up for a while until our siblings came around. We kind of drifted apart but not my choice. He's the only person in the family that thinks I abandoned them when it's literally an obviously reverse, only cuz I was associated mom at all in the past. He wants nothing to do with her so he wants something to do with me as well. I'm always compared to my mom and I hate it.
Middle child always had a knack for making money 💰 starting young ADHD & had wild ideas to get in trouble. Always high, scheming, has multiple businesses going but seems to always be broke & asking for money, & has 4 kids. Usually only concerned about how he can use u to his advantage & how much he can make off of u. However he may be Fked up the most & may need an exorcism due to antichrist & blasphemous behavior.
Youngest grew up right cuz he was too young & is very very funny, actually cares about me but doesn't know me very well unfortunately.
I've always been quiet ordered around to do the chores and clean the house like Cinderella. Wake everyone up, get the little ones ready for school as well as myself. Babysat my brother's constantly, was mothering them from a young age making sure they didn't get into trouble, while my twin brother played video games the whole time & mom got high. She did the best she could with 4 kids I guess, but gave up, clouded judgement by the drugs. We were quite a few years away from coming back home to Tucson from Iowa & well that's a whole other story back east. I believe when my Youngest brother's abusive dad was in jail it was a chance for us to leave & come home. Actually glad he didnt know his dad, the worst kind of paranoid schizophrenia, not the kind I am...the untreated scary psycho kind with hitting involved 😰 u dont wanna know. So years go by & after staying with my mom's friend & her kids for a while, we got our own place. & Years after 9/11, in 2004 we were taken by cps. I was still ordered to clean every day til I got my own apartment & had no choice but to clean, now I'm ocd to a point lol. Eventually mom went to rehab & everything we own was thrown into the garbage. Me being sneaky, went back to our apt after school during my time at the group home when I wasn't supposed to & stuffed my backpack with my CDs, book collections of rare Pokémon & 95% girly Yugioh cards of which I Eventually gave away which was so stupid of me 😫😓 Took a while to collect em all. The yugioh cards may still be at my church's youth group building where the African intergeated church now resides...wonder if they're still there like in the back room.
Anyway mom spoiled twin more than all 4 of us to keep his mouth shut about her drug use after she told him,fought w/her alot whilst being spoiled at the same time while I cleaned & took care of the younger 2. While twin played video games I was screamed at with curse words & told to do everything for her except cook, traumatized the fk outta me. However paid me to play yazzi with her sometimes when she was high lol. Guys & friends going in & out of the place all the time, they didn't scare me...I learned to be very protective & wary. Misspent youth growing up early couldn't really be a kid so I'm sort of a kid still at ❤️ The group home drilled cleaning into me too 🫤 CindaBri over here. These days I'm very sensitive & am prone to crying since I was a kid. I don't do well with conflict, bullying, negativity of any kind I cannot tolerate. I have a huge heart despite how I grew up, I was a pushover & it took me a longtime to develop a backbone. I absolutely hate it when I'm mistreated, feels like I'm a punching bag for family to take it out on. Well hears something, I honestly do not give a flying rat's ass what they think about me or my mother. I am free from their controlling ways and I'm so grateful to God that he gave me the strength to sever ties on my own terms and not theirs instead. I'm allowed to do the same exact thing & cut people out of my life if its better for me & my health then that's what I'll do. Not because of hatred but because it's the right thing to do. As family oriented as I want to be it's just not possible for my family to get along and it's very sad & pathetic. I have to be able to heal from the trauma even more as I had the worst of it. now broken however beautiful 😊 Mostly independent & very strong/resilient 💪 I have Jesus to thank for saving my life more than I can count. Never learned to drive either to this day & always take the bus. I think I'm 10x slower, I work really hard & always burnt out.
Oh yeah here's the kicker, at 19 I started getting auditory & increasingly visual hallucinations ever since...i have a brilliant mind like I'm fkin Matilda after my trauma or some sh*t. I've been having de ja vu or precognitive dreams of my own life since I was a toddler, one of a week span smashed into 1 dream which was my strongest one while I wad a teenager. Lately I don't remember much of my dreams since late 2023 😓 my gifts keep growing though & I swear I hear passed on or alive family, friends, & even celebrities, & my calico cat of 15 yrs. Whatever it is I believe it's God given, but I don't know how to control it yet. Hallucinating i don't think so, cuz its contant noise for 16 years. Though I know demons can mimic too, they were doing it at the start making me lose my mind, so idk if I've been followed since or what. I use logic in everything, very self aware, I know I'm not crazy. Just cuz others don't experience what I am don't mean it's not real, it is to me. And I don't wanna suppress it either I want to develop whatever it is but for now I have to figure it out on my own. I'm usually very private about what I go through nobody knows this side of me, nor do they understand & just pass it off as (I'm crazy for having voices in my head, so the solution is to fill her with medication, watch her drool on her food & wander around aimlessly in a psych ward for 2 weeks. Later hospital visits were due to suicide attempts but swallowing a bottle of pills never worked. Well luckily who was to greet me at the start of this weird journey than the Queen herself, Mother Mary. She was there to ease my mind it's where I was supposed to be, when I 1st visited the hospital. See I dreamt of her weeks prior, the same scene...her portrait behind the desk where u sit to give blood for testing at the hospital here in Tucson...still there today. Blood is very significant to the story too.
I have an amazing longterm memory I do remember my own birth (that's a good story too) My mind has a lot of knowledge to use but may be overloaded now as I've recently been having issues...Its why I write to get things down & vent. I've hit my head too much & 2 hits have me concerned so I'm trying to get it checked as well as everything else...but refferals for tests are a B** to get. However I should just set a day to spend a whole day at the hospital cuz I know it'll be forever in the waiting room.
I was diagnosed with "paranoid schizophrenia" w/ depression & anxiety, ptsd or conflict sensitive. A lot of fam has mental issues it seems. Think I'm the only one diagnosed with mental illness but the eldest 2 boys should definitely get tested out for it too if they haven't seen a doctor already. There's alot of resentment from my family toward my mother cuz of her behavior in the past. As a God fearing woman I know better & choose to Honor my mom the best of my ability even if our relationship is strained, I know it's not her fault & it's the devil's work. She like my siblings are equally messed up by how our parents raised us, it's an viscous cycle of torture that needs to end, there's no love coming from most family & it makes me sick, family is supposed to stick together but we were left in the dust cuz they don't wanna deal with her. I believe the evil one has a grasp on people in many different ways, whether it be mental illness or hatred he causes havoc in everything he can, has a grasp on the people of earth. But the Father controls the universe, our story is prewritten & is a domino effect. My deja vu I've theorized it's like a time lapse of some kind, parallel universes...I have seen my reflection move without me, hope to God I haven't lived it already over & over that would be hell to me 🫤 Although never a dull moment that's for sure, oh if I could do it all over again ..... idk if I'd want to lol.
Fighting me on stuff & won't listen, u have to have the patience of a saint. Doesn't like being proven wrong, very stubborn, mixed w/bipolar..gets angry. She keeps comparing me to my grandma. Think she's more mentally fked up than I am from her past too but I'm no psychologist. Luckily I raised myself to be better than that in this gen, self aware, I use logic & understanding but do stupid sh*t sometimes lol especially when in love...I wanna break the cycle cuz it's a complete sh*t show. I don't want to be held back & torn down by family again & again just seems like even she doesn't care about me either sometimes, & I'm right back to being a little girl & being screamed or cursed at constantly. How do u heal in that either, theres nowhere else to go..wonder why didnt I want to come back from Vegas. I'd rather be where the action & adventure is lol. Nobody gets me or nobody understands what I've been through and I really want to tell my story because I am always attacked by family and sometimes friends for being too much of this, or too much of that, always shut down or put down. I understand people's opinion but I don't really take opinions as fact, I take facts as facts and what I go through in my mind is facts I don't need someone to tell me that I'm crazy or "off my meds" when I do take meds everyday, because it's an insult to my intelligence. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.
And today I came to a starting discovery.
Seems I may need to check my mom for Alzheimer's/Dementia, think it's worse than I thought. She keeps having fits/episodes of memory loss & blaming me for things, thinks I touched her phone to change it to dark mode today but it's been that way for a month or so already & didn't believe me. Wanna snap her out of it somehow. It's not a gypsy rose situation exactly I actually care I'm just annoyed & trying to get along with her, we do most of the time & we just have eachother when everyone else has seem to be wrapped up in their own lives and more concerned about gossip & lies. She's just mentally ill, like me. And a recovering addict and it's not her fault but nobody's fault but we're still made out to be the bad guys in some way. Idc. I would rather heal and try to heal from my broken past and leave it behind me. God removes people from their life so that you can hear him better, & I'd rather that than straight negativity sent to just hurt me. The devil seems to hate my ass I swear
How to heal from the past when she won't give u room to breathe, thought i was making progress w/her, keeps buying cigs & soda everytime she has stamps or money & when she's out hits me up for money, I just got my 1st check & I'm trying to save, says I can say no but then bitches at me. I honestly don't understand her sometimes. And after the cigs are gone she's crankier which makes things worse. All the cigs she's had over maybe 2 yrs she could've had a car by now & I'm working my butt off for one, & all the food is eaten while I'm gone. Tried clensing the apt but just made her angry, mental illness or demons I can't tell sometimes.
I'm so tired I haven't slept after work yesterday & need it for brain function but I had 3 hrs to sleep b4 church this morning so decided to stay up ..idk how long I've been up actually my eyes hurt, Have 2 hopefully benign tumors in my head & she's stressing me the fk out. Church or sleep, was actually a good day. Was trying to recap to her on what I did today & I just got ready for church this morning, when did I have time to touch her phone? But doesn't listen at all & always threatens to kick me out when she's incapable of being her by herself anymore. And depending on an hour to the next day she fine again & tells me to ignore her. Fking crazy. I already have memory issues wtf happena when we both lose our damn minds. I have the choice between doing laundry to get tf outta here or watch the rewards show & rest my eyes...Bed looks good rn actually 🥱😴
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pokefanbri · 1 year ago
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youtube
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pokefanbri · 1 year ago
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You start dying slowly ;
if you do not travel,
if you do not read,
If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
If you do not appreciate yourself.
You start dying slowly :
When you kill your self-esteem,
When you do not let others help you.
You start dying slowly ;
If you become a slave of your habits,
Walking everyday on the same paths…
If you do not change your routine,
If you do not wear different colours
Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.
You start dying slowly :
If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions;
Those which make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat fast.
You start dying slowly :
If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain
If you do not go after a dream
If you do not allow yourself
At least once in your lifetime
To run away from sensible advice
Don't let yourself die slowly
Do not forget to be happy!
~ Pablo Neruda
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pokefanbri · 1 year ago
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When u see subliminal messages in media just for you & mom doesn't believe you, & some are so obvious. But how are others supposed to see it if it's specifically meant for u to see. Talk about a beautiful mind. How deep is Alice going down the rabbit hole here & is there an archive cuz I feel a montage coming 😂 I'm onto u, what are u doin to me? It's not much of a surprise if I'm seeing hints everywhere & I catch on quick. You're not a time traveler so how the actual fk is some of it possible to begin with 🤯 Idk how to explain it. Old stuff & new, you're on a roll. I feel like it's building up to something cool & I hope to God I'm right. You're up to something. Seems like a lot of effort & wouldn't be for nothing, & goes back years. My love, Babie, ...u didn't have to, I'm really flattered. Maybe I'm imagining things but freaks me out but in a good way, totally seems like u studied in marketing to pull this off. Cuz it's u I'm not surprised. I'm sorry that it took a while to notice cuz things are dated way back. Since the 1st clue in 2021 I'm obsessed with finding more. I'm paying closer attention now & I'm learning, keep it coming if you'd like, I like it. I asked for more magic in my life & u delivered, u never cease to amaze me..u know I'm missing out. Idk how I can thank you, but thank you. Makes me feel special, I love u so much. Not just u but the whole team I appreciate, thank u too. Love u all like family.
You are so good that it hurts babie! Our meeting is like an overdue book, it's been so long. Hope to see you at the end of it & we'll have a beautiful reunion. Life does seem very fair does it, we keep missing each other like ships in the night. I can't wait to see u! I'm happy you're in my ❤️ always will be. Ever lasting love my King 👑
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pokefanbri · 2 years ago
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I would die for you but would you die me
We belong together, it's us don't you see.
I saw you on one knee
And the altar, how can that be.
My dreams have been of you
And I wish you love me too.
Sorry I'm trying to rhyme
But we're wasting too much time.
My love for you is real
And a kiss let's seal the deal 💋
We'd meet one day and then I'd say
How I really feel
Waiting is the worst part
But you're really my heart
If there's something there we're not too far apart.
I can handle it, that's the truth
And Believe I can make it, not waste it in my youth.
If you want me I'm there, I'd do anything for you.
And it would be interesting to see 1 Angel then two!
Since I saw u it's been a while,
I'd like to meet you so bad & see that cute smile.
I hear you're the sweetest & have a huge heart,
I'd like to experience what really sets you apart.
And confirm my feeling since the very start.
My dream come true, my charming, my wish.
Maybe to break the spell we need 1 kiss.
But I'm hooked on you forever, I asked God to give me a sign
Only He knows the answer within His great design.
But why have I felt this way for so long
That by my side is you & it's right where I belong.
It would be a wish come true,
That the King & Queen of Freaks
is actually me & you.
Cause you would die for me
and I would die for you too
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pokefanbri · 2 years ago
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I'm sitting waiting for the bus
Heavy is the crown by Daughtry pays in my headphones.
I envision during "lambs to the slaughter" millions of people heading to a big light & some fell into a big hole.
I felt like I was falling and I found myself hanging off the cliff of the pit.
I prayed and called upon God the legion of angels. "Please lift me out of this pit"
I look up & the angels all around me, their wings were so beautiful. Someone grabs my hand & I'm lifted up. I land on my feet. Someone touched my face, makes sure I'm alright. Everyone was familiar to me I was home.
I worry about the others in the pit & He said "Do not look back, Give her a robe"
As I put it on He said "Tell others what you saw here today, there will be a time when all must face becoming on the end days. The dates of heaven are narrow but open to all who seek it. You have light in you, I am with you always.
If your struggling, don't let the darkness win.
He's my father and he's your father that loves us so much & He's calling us home. This is my faith and I struggle a lot with it nobody is perfect. He finds you in the darkest of times when you need him most. Everything positive is Him, and just like any faith or religion I like to talk about it equally it's not a thing of shoving it down someone's throat it's the fact that I like talking about something that I'm interested in like everybody else. And it is the most beautiful thing I've ever been a part of that I've ever experienced in my life. If something so good is so wrong to talk about then I don't want to be right. Idk, as kids we were forced to go to church wear our Sunday best but as you get older you realize there's a reason for it. Children are innocent minded but as we become adults we're not so innocent anymore & we make mistakes. The children are already redeemed it's up to the older generations to know what to do & be good influence on others cuz we're supposed to know better. I've always wanted to be a mother but whatever God decides to take my life that's where I'll be. And I pray it's the best possible path and I could ever take cuz I swear I've seen parallel universe Bri's die in times I could have. Life is very short and I'm in the right life where Bri survived. I stepped on nails as a child that went right through my feet and I thank God for blessing me with that gift because there has never been a pain worse than that, that I've had to endure. Still no phone's broken lol. I may have a weird direction in life but God made sure I was okay and I still came to him anyway in the end, never had any doubt in Him. Never had a father growing up, so he's only one I need. One day I'll get my wings & be better for it.
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pokefanbri · 2 years ago
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To a Shallow mind She is too Deep
for some to Swim.
The Intellectual Dept of a Beautiful
Woman is Sadly Unreached by many
who choose Not to dive beyond the
Surface of her skin.
༺꧁❤️꧂༻
My siSTAR.
You’re a Soul -Deep Woman ; you won’t find a worthy Love in the shallows.
Within your chest beats a Warriors Heart , and your bones are woven from star-dust.
You deserve someone who sees you as holy,
like the high priestess that you are.
Who worships at your altar as you do theirs, in body, mind, spirit and heart.
Someone whose words are prayers of reverence pressed openly against your bare soul.
Earth Mother, you deserve someone who sees that your wild medicine grows feral in the trees and honors it, not dismisses it.
Someone who sees the magic that surrounds you as you move between the worlds and feel between the layers of time.
Who understands that in every petal and branch, you see a ritual to be Awakened and know the names of the spells etched upon the stars.
Who howls to your Full Moon light as you summon the wildfire that stirs in their veins.
Medicine woman, you deserve someone who understands that to do your deep soul-work, to walk the path of your ancient mystery, is to disappear at times into the realm of the unseen, but that you will always return to them on the other side of the darkness.
That your love is strong enough to withstand time and space, and will last even when you move among the shadows and swim in the unknown.
My sister, you deserve someone who will choose you fully and actively seek to build a world with you — one of peace, love and passion.
A wanderer who longs for the little adventures that are found on a Saturday morning out on the open road, listening to songs that others make fun of.
You deserve a best friend who wants your calm, your storm and every loving breath in between.
One who understands the deep healing found in deep belly laughter, silliness and lying bare in one another’s arms.
For you, dear soul, only one who embraces you in your wholeness will ever do — someone who will never half-love you or pluck you only to watch you wither.
One who opens fully for you to behold their medicine as they do yours, one who will never be satisfied until their roots have penetrated all the way into the depths of your nourishing soil.
One who loves the fire in your veins and the thunder in your spirit. One who celebrates you for all that you are.
My dear sister, somewhere on this planet beats a heart deserving of your fire.
Somewhere, there is one worthy of your magic made of flesh, blood and spirit, who is not afraid to dance in your endless depths. One who will never settle for less than the brilliance that you are.
Take your throne, sister, rise up and take your crown. Hold your head high, for the one who can see that your bright light is a spirit with a warrior’s heart to match your own.
Those who are unworthy can never truly see.
Never settle for the shade when you were born to shine.
My sister, never forget that you are a soul-deep woman, and you won’t find a worthy love in the shallows.”~
Picture - My Daughter!!
Copyright ©
Creator Writer Author ✍️
Mike Harrigan.
All Rights Reserved
I Am.
You Are.
We Are.
Oneness.
Universal Consciousness..
🔥🕎🔯🕉️ 🔥
💎 ❤️💚💙💜❤️ 💎
♀️☯️♂️
💞♏♌💞
❤️ 🌟 🌎🌍🌏🌟 ❤️
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pokefanbri · 2 years ago
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"I am a monster. I told you that."
"Yes, you did. And then you kissed me anyway."
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