polarislex

[polarislex]

may post a prologue if this gets interest 🥺 it’s been fixated in my mind since I made it and I fear I have to get something out or I won’t be able to focus on my other fics LOOOOOL

I love you and despise you ✮⋆˙

He was never meant to be reborn. Not after the sky split open. Not after the gods burned his name from every stone. Not after the one who loved him most was the one who ended him.

And yet—on the eve of an eclipse—he returned.

A boy called Jaemin. Human, or close enough to pass.

With a voice like the echo of stars and eyes that could bring empires to ruin just by looking back.

They don’t know what he is. They don't know what he was.

But Renjun dreams in omens, Donghyuck hums with stolen magic, and somewhere far too close— Jeno is watching.

Jeno, who remembers.

The way Jaemin once moved like divinity made flesh. The way his laughter cracked open Jeno’s chest. The way his body fell, crumpled and burning, in Jeno’s arms.

And now Jaemin looks at him like a stranger. Like none of it happened. Like Jeno didn’t ruin the world for him.

But the stars are shifting. The seals are thinning. And Jaemin—sweet, soft Jaemin—is starting to remember.

He was never chosen. He was never blessed.

He was born of two impossible bloodlines. A mistake the universe keeps repeating.

A myth wrapped in mortal skin, too beautiful to survive.

And if he awakens fully?

This time, the world won’t be enough to stop him.

[polarislex]

I love you and despise you ✮⋆˙

He was never meant to be reborn. Not after the sky split open. Not after the gods burned his name from every stone. Not after the one who loved him most was the one who ended him.

And yet—on the eve of an eclipse—he returned.

A boy called Jaemin. Human, or close enough to pass.

With a voice like the echo of stars and eyes that could bring empires to ruin just by looking back.

They don’t know what he is. They don't know what he was.

But Renjun dreams in omens, Donghyuck hums with stolen magic, and somewhere far too close— Jeno is watching.

Jeno, who remembers.

The way Jaemin once moved like divinity made flesh. The way his laughter cracked open Jeno’s chest. The way his body fell, crumpled and burning, in Jeno’s arms.

And now Jaemin looks at him like a stranger. Like none of it happened. Like Jeno didn’t ruin the world for him.

But the stars are shifting. The seals are thinning. And Jaemin—sweet, soft Jaemin—is starting to remember.

He was never chosen. He was never blessed.

He was born of two impossible bloodlines. A mistake the universe keeps repeating.

A myth wrapped in mortal skin, too beautiful to survive.

And if he awakens fully?

This time, the world won’t be enough to stop him.

[polarislex]

my fave writing reminder

honestly, this phrase has been on my mind more times than i can count. i've kidnapped it, taken it as a hostage with no ransom money because i need it to live permanently in my head.

[polarislex]

I love you and despise you ✮⋆˙

He was never meant to be reborn. Not after the sky split open. Not after the gods burned his name from every stone. Not after the one who loved him most was the one who ended him.

And yet—on the eve of an eclipse—he returned.

A boy called Jaemin. Human, or close enough to pass.

With a voice like the echo of stars and eyes that could bring empires to ruin just by looking back.

They don’t know what he is. They don't know what he was.

But Renjun dreams in omens, Donghyuck hums with stolen magic, and somewhere far too close— Jeno is watching.

Jeno, who remembers.

The way Jaemin once moved like divinity made flesh. The way his laughter cracked open Jeno’s chest. The way his body fell, crumpled and burning, in Jeno’s arms.

And now Jaemin looks at him like a stranger. Like none of it happened. Like Jeno didn’t ruin the world for him.

But the stars are shifting. The seals are thinning. And Jaemin—sweet, soft Jaemin—is starting to remember.

He was never chosen. He was never blessed.

He was born of two impossible bloodlines. A mistake the universe keeps repeating.

A myth wrapped in mortal skin, too beautiful to survive.

And if he awakens fully?

This time, the world won’t be enough to stop him.

[polarislex]

lmao received a hate comment on my latest chapter and I'm kinda like oh. what the fuck?

[polarislex]

like what if i told yall its fallen angel jeno and a divine god jaemin who is reborn over and over again, always fated to die by jeno's hand. his power is too strong - his power is too deadly.

and what if i told yall that this cycle though, jaemin doesn't remember. he doesn't have the memories. he doesn't have the same powers and more importantly, he is for the first time, his own person.

and when jeno finally crosses paths with him? when he is haunted the boy with hair as dark as the night sky but brilliant blue eyes that almost seem other-wordly. to see the same smile and hear the same laugh that has tormented him for eons, but with the realization that there was a sharp edger to that smile.

that jaemin's laughter held a darkness that was never there before and for the first time, jeno questions if death was the correct choice. how could it be for a boy who seemed to thrive under making others uncomfortable and lived for the discomfort he causes.

:D

someone please yell at me to write my other fic chapters first.

it’s the way I need to update my fics and instead Ive been daydreaming of a completely new idea like a FOOL

[polarislex]

it’s the way I need to update my fics and instead Ive been daydreaming of a completely new idea like a FOOL

[polarislex]

i need yall to know that purple lace bra by state mcrae is

on repeat

it has spurred me to start writing a chapter for nomin but

like every other song obsession, I need to figure out how to make this work as its something THAT DOESN'T LINE UP CURRENTLY omfg

here's a snippet because I can't help myself and have to hit the dual moment of pain and in a way, SPOILERS ahhaha

Jaemin

He tastes him everywhere.

On his lips, in his mouth, in the spaces between his ribs where breath used to live. Jaemin curls further into the blanket he didn’t ask to borrow, not daring to look at the figure by the window—tall, tense, illuminated in the flickering lightning.

“I know what this is,” he says, voice quieter than thunder, louder than the silence Jeno leaves in his wake.

Jeno doesn’t turn.

Jaemin swallows around the ache. “It’s not love. I’m not that stupid.”

No answer.

“But gods,” Jaemin continues, breath hitching, “could you at least pretend? Pretend you see more than the skin you bruise so gently.”

That finally gets Jeno to turn. Barefoot, shirtless, unapologetic. But his eyes—crimson and cold—aren’t cruel. They’re… empty.

“I never asked you to love me,” Jeno says.

Jaemin’s laugh is bitter. “No. You just kissed me like you might.”

Donghyuck

It’s past curfew. Past reason. Past him.

Mark stands on the other side of the dorm room, soaked and dripping, like the storm chased him all the way here. But Donghyuck doesn’t move. He just sits on the edge of the bed, blanket clenched in his fists like it’s the only thing keeping him from coming undone.

“I know I’m not easy to love,” Hyuck says, and it’s not even bitter—just honest. Flat. Dead tired.

Mark flinches like the words were louder than they were.

“But I keep waiting for the day I mean something to you when I’m not half-naked and begging.”

Mark’s lips part. Hyuck beats him to it.

“You don’t see me, Mark. You only see me when I let you fuck me so good you forget I’m a person.”

That stings. It lands.

Mark takes a step forward, and Hyuck steps back.

“Don’t,” he says. “Unless you’re going to tell me you love me. Unless you’re going to say I matter when my clothes are on.”

Mark doesn’t.

And somewhere in Hyuck’s chest, a light flickers out.

[polarislex]

i say this because I have 2 chapters more or less written for nomin, but nothing touched for chanbaek since April 😒😢

i really need to write the next chapter for my chanbaek fic but the pull towards nomin T-T I keep getting distracted when I shouldn't be

[polarislex]

i really need to write the next chapter for my chanbaek fic but the pull towards nomin T-T I keep getting distracted when I shouldn't be

[polarislex]

the way I just had a nomin TikTok appear on my fyp for the first time in a hot minute and now I’m lowkey plotting devastation for my fic

[polarislex]

whoops, little behind but we are on chapter 10 now hehehe

link here

summary; jaemin has had some time to settle in, but of course, being left to his own devices is never a good thing. or is it?

id rather be crazy like you 𓂃۶ৎ

♡ live update thread ♡

 ♡ master post here ♡

AND THE PROLOGUE IS LIVE FOLKS! thanks to you, and getting this post to SEVEN likes, i went ahead and uploaded the prologue!

link here

Just to note really quick - updates for this may not be super quick. I am currently writing my chanbaek fic and i do want to bang out as much as of that as i can! with that being said though, if this gains traction and if i can get 10 kudos & 2 comments on the prologue, i will shift and get the first chapter completed and up! I want a goal that I think could be achievable but yet a bit pushing for a smaller writer like myself!

Also, to add a bit of a backstory to this idea (if anyone is curious): back in, i think, 2018/2019, this original idea was set in strictly aesthetics with BTS and EXO being the main 2 groups I was doing them for! ironically enough, this was more an idea i had while talking with old friends on tumblr back in the day of what themed aesthetics should i do next (i think i just finished some of the disney princess ones). there was, at the time, no correlation to descendants (though, obviously now, I can't say that. I've watched the movies, and some elements may be similar) I then tried my hand at a social media au with Jimin being the main focus, but i ended up putting it on hold to cancel the au all together. I didn't know how to move forward with where I was, so it sort of just crumbled and died ahaha

now, i think then around 2021/2022, i sort of revisted the idea on my own, but with the idea to make aesthetics solely for nct members. this never happened, but the idea did stick with me for years. it was always something i wanted to really, really, really, dabble back into but i was never sure how. Did i write little one shots looped together in one fic with conflicting timelines for that sense of confusion? did I revive the social media au? or do I try something completely different.

so, now in 2025 and getting that boost from the likes on tumblr, here we are. i decided to go with nct dream being the main focus, but exo members will also provide relevance through the story (along with mention of some bts members for the sake of the original plot)! you can always go to my tumblr and look through my masterlist to find the old aesthetics for bts and exo, but i hope within the next few weeks to have updated exo as i see fit AND have nct dream done! In the mean time, enjoy the playlist! drop a kudo, leave a comment / leave a like or comment here on tumblr too! or send me an ask!

till next time! xoxo lexie

02/08/2025

I think I may have gotten too ambitious so I’ve merely made it a 5 kudo goal! I’m going to keep it at 2 comments because I really really want to hear thoughts, but if I hit the kudo mark, I’ll update! I love seeing the traction it got on here too!

[polarislex]

update - i fixed it. kinda. sort of. including a little rewrite but at least the main part was there. thank the gods.

soooo...may have chapter 10 basically written and done 😮‍💨 definitely took a bit of a different avenue than I planned, but I don't want to fully rush the story. Still, at the same time, I want to get into the plot because it is going to be a beast in itself.

anyways, ill leave a little snippet here and who knows, maybe ill post tonight hehehe feel free to try and convince me if you are following me for the nomin fic (and man, I really need to write the chanbaek next chapter. my poor baby)

His legs folded beneath him like paper. The cold seeped through his clothes as he sat there, knees drawn up, elbows balanced, fingers twitching like they didn’t belong to him. Still pulsing with a magic he hadn’t meant to call forward. Hadn’t realized was there.

He stared at his hands like they might explain something.

They didn’t.

They just trembled. Faint. Useless. Still buzzing from whatever that was.

What the hell is happening to me?

That thought rang loud in his skull. No whisper. No poetry. Just a sharp-edged panic he didn’t want to admit out loud. Because the truth was—he didn’t know.

He had barely been at this Academy for a few weeks. Just long enough to learn the lunch schedule and which halls to avoid if he didn’t want to be stared at. Just long enough to realize that whatever history existed here, he had missed the first chapter.

But Jeno hadn’t. Jeno had looked at him like he’d read the last page. Like Jaemin was something written in ink only he could see.

That heat. That voice. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Meant to be? How the hell would Jeno know that?

Jaemin curled his fingers into fists. Not to ground himself—but to stop them from shaking.

He wasn’t going to cry. That wasn’t going to happen. Not again.

[polarislex]

I DELETED HALF THE CHAPTER AND IT ISNT COMING BACK OH MY FUCKING GOD

soooo...may have chapter 10 basically written and done 😮‍💨 definitely took a bit of a different avenue than I planned, but I don't want to fully rush the story. Still, at the same time, I want to get into the plot because it is going to be a beast in itself.

anyways, ill leave a little snippet here and who knows, maybe ill post tonight hehehe feel free to try and convince me if you are following me for the nomin fic (and man, I really need to write the chanbaek next chapter. my poor baby)

His legs folded beneath him like paper. The cold seeped through his clothes as he sat there, knees drawn up, elbows balanced, fingers twitching like they didn’t belong to him. Still pulsing with a magic he hadn’t meant to call forward. Hadn’t realized was there.

He stared at his hands like they might explain something.

They didn’t.

They just trembled. Faint. Useless. Still buzzing from whatever that was.

What the hell is happening to me?

That thought rang loud in his skull. No whisper. No poetry. Just a sharp-edged panic he didn’t want to admit out loud. Because the truth was—he didn’t know.

He had barely been at this Academy for a few weeks. Just long enough to learn the lunch schedule and which halls to avoid if he didn’t want to be stared at. Just long enough to realize that whatever history existed here, he had missed the first chapter.

But Jeno hadn’t. Jeno had looked at him like he’d read the last page. Like Jaemin was something written in ink only he could see.

That heat. That voice. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Meant to be? How the hell would Jeno know that?

Jaemin curled his fingers into fists. Not to ground himself—but to stop them from shaking.

He wasn’t going to cry. That wasn’t going to happen. Not again.

[polarislex]

soooo...may have chapter 10 basically written and done 😮‍💨 definitely took a bit of a different avenue than I planned, but I don't want to fully rush the story. Still, at the same time, I want to get into the plot because it is going to be a beast in itself.

anyways, ill leave a little snippet here and who knows, maybe ill post tonight hehehe feel free to try and convince me if you are following me for the nomin fic (and man, I really need to write the chanbaek next chapter. my poor baby)

His legs folded beneath him like paper. The cold seeped through his clothes as he sat there, knees drawn up, elbows balanced, fingers twitching like they didn’t belong to him. Still pulsing with a magic he hadn’t meant to call forward. Hadn’t realized was there.

He stared at his hands like they might explain something.

They didn’t.

They just trembled. Faint. Useless. Still buzzing from whatever that was.

What the hell is happening to me?

That thought rang loud in his skull. No whisper. No poetry. Just a sharp-edged panic he didn’t want to admit out loud. Because the truth was—he didn’t know.

He had barely been at this Academy for a few weeks. Just long enough to learn the lunch schedule and which halls to avoid if he didn’t want to be stared at. Just long enough to realize that whatever history existed here, he had missed the first chapter.

But Jeno hadn’t. Jeno had looked at him like he’d read the last page. Like Jaemin was something written in ink only he could see.

That heat. That voice. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Meant to be? How the hell would Jeno know that?

Jaemin curled his fingers into fists. Not to ground himself—but to stop them from shaking.

He wasn’t going to cry. That wasn’t going to happen. Not again.

[polarislex]

which is hilarious as I think about it on this flight because like, the difference in these songs but how they are ALL a vibe and definitely will encompass the next few chapters?

which, thinking about it, chapter 11 & 12 will probably be light and fun but starting to descent into the first chaos arc 😈😈 and by that, we are about to see jaemin go THROUGH IT

and well, further thinking about it, Jaemin basically is going to be a hot mess for almost the entire fic. poor summer child. hehe

if anyone is following me for my nomin fic, pls note that yall might be in for a treat this week IF I can pull myself together to write because like, here are the songs that are heavily inspiring ideas for the next few chapters 🫦

- pretty boy, p1harmony

- #icanteven, the neighbourhood

- no escape, nct dream

[polarislex]

if anyone is following me for my nomin fic, pls note that yall might be in for a treat this week IF I can pull myself together to write because like, here are the songs that are heavily inspiring ideas for the next few chapters 🫦

- pretty boy, p1harmony

- #icanteven, the neighbourhood

- no escape, nct dream