poodlestepdad

[poodlestepdad]

antidepressant withdrawals fucking suck

yeah so turns out that the gut-brain access is a real thing and your intestines will be cramping and functioning poorly when withdrawing from an antidepressant. i’m also nauseous and shaky and have a headache and brain fog. I can barely eat, still water tastes terrible to me, so all I’ve had today is a scone, coffee, an Oli-Pop, half a microwave meal, Gatorade, and a plain Liquid Death. yesterday I had pretzels, pasta with Parmesan, a Sprite, and an Italian ice. I hate this so much I just want to eat my leftover taco fixings.

[poodlestepdad]

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

[poodlestepdad]

HEARTBREAKING: Poor girl has to get out of the soft warm bed even though she is so so so so comfy

[poodlestepdad]

[poodlestepdad]

reblog to take the person you reblogged from to the aquarium

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈🦭≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

🐟 o ° .

• ° o 🦑

~~~~~🦀~~~~~~~~~~~~~🦐

[poodlestepdad]

reblog this and put in the tags at least two (2) songs you are listening to on repeat right now

[poodlestepdad]

[poodlestepdad]

[poodlestepdad]

The kids on TikTok think that just because he was a classic country singer, Johnny Cash was conservative??? My babies he covered a Nine Inch Nails song in his seventies.

Classic country singers (the majority of which came from poor roots) were always talking about how much The Man sucked because they were taking money from poor rural folk. You’re gonna tell me that’s conservative?? Get outta here.

[poodlestepdad]

what if our economy was based on disabled people and the elderly getting their basic needs met and not bald white man getting big big big boat

[poodlestepdad]

[poodlestepdad]

[poodlestepdad]

after the last emo night

To quote Little Mix, “This is a shout out to my ex”.

We all expect Andi to quote a song lyric to express how she’s feeling. Her formative years were spent on MySpace, after all.

But really, this is a shout out to my ex. I saw you at an Emo Night. Not the last one that happened in the city, just the last one that I went to. It was put on by Flip Phone, the drag brunch people. I’m surprised you were there.

I’m not surprised due to homophobia. You weren’t homophobic, and I doubt you’ve developed that trait in the past several years. Places like 8Kun and FBI-monitored Discord chats about extremism aren’t where you’re hanging out. No one is radicalizing you at this age. If you hadn’t been radicalized via your upbringing, it’s certainly not happening now. 

This whole thing is going to make it sound like I thought about you when I was there. I didn’t give a shit about your presence except when you very obviously looked at me. I tried scooting my friend and I away from you and the woman you were there with, but you seemed to end up either just in front of us or just behind us throughout the night.

To quote Taylor Swift, “The punchline goes: I got older, but your lovers stayed my age”. I am not going to disclose when we broke up, or what age I was. No one needs to know which ex I am speaking about except me. I was 25 when I began dating my now-spouse, so our relationship obviously was prior to that. 

Did you know I’ve publicly dated as many people as Taylor Swift has publicly dated? Taylor began officially dating Joe Alwyn about six months after Sam and I did. She and I have a lot in common, including at least one ex who shows up in public with women years their junior.

*At least* one ex.

She has written and recorded a lot of songs that are, at least in theory and in the minds of internet gumshoes, about her exes. I have written a lot of subtweets and deleted Tumblr posts about my exes. You knew that I always wanted to be the vocalist in a band, but my mental health is too poor. You never told me that, to your credit. That’s the only credit I’ll give you here.

Your hair is shorter than it was when we were together. I didn’t think it was you at first. Your facial hair looks pretty terrible. You should go back to shaving it off. Your hairline is receding. In a way that is reminiscent of Drew Afualo, you deserve that hairline. 

You may have seen that my spouse is bald. They’re hot as fuck with a bald head. They embraced the bald head confidently and I’m constantly blown away by how good they look.

But you? You’re holding onto that hair despite it’s recession. Shave it off, bro. You clearly already cut it due to thinning. You look like someone’s greasy uncle.

Probably even the greasy uncle of the woman you were there with.

This makes me sound bitter, I know. I’m not bitter. If she is actually happy with you, if you’re not manipulating her into that supposed happiness and using her for your own growth, then I’m happy for her. She’s very pretty, and small, and slender, and probably about 23. She deserves happiness.

But you look like her dad’s way-younger brother who works at a Denny’s as a fry cook and flirts with the 18-year-old waitresses.

Messaging 18-year-olds on Facebook wouldn’t be too far off from what you did when we were together, would it?

To paraphrase Grayscale, “[You] swore one day that [you’d] marry [me], yeah [you] said it”. But to finish that lyric, you were never able to make my mom laugh. Or trust you. And my dad definitely didn’t like you, so no apologies to him needed, as the song goes.

You looked back at me so many times. You even kicked my foot once as you passed me to get a drink, and I pretended that I didn’t feel it. It was pretty pathetic that you did that. It was pathetic that I noticed, to be fair, but at least I wasn’t the one vying for my ex’s attention in person.

Why would you keep staring at your aging, married ex-girlfriend? Leave her alone. You could also say hello and make things less awkward, so I could tell you to fuck all the way off and that if you say another word to me, I’d punch you in the throat.

You’ve lost weight and I’ve gained it. I could potentially win this fight. I’d get in a few good blows before my friend or other random women who know the Girl Code (™) pull me off and swear they didn’t see anything. 

To paraphrase The Academy Is…, “I saw things that I shouldn’t have, and I’ve gone too far to turn it back”. We didn’t meet in high school, but the emotions I have towards our time together feel similar to the emotions I have about my time in high school. It was mostly miserable but I still feel nostalgic. I wish I could go back and do things differently. In the case of high school, I wish I’d chosen not to go to Oconomowoc. In the case of you, I wish I’d left when you showed me an exit the first time. I wish I’d left when I felt the need to ask an open-ended question about what we were, not knowing what your answer would be.

And here’s the thing. Here’s the twist. We’re bringing it back to Taylor Swift.

We all know that Andi relates all her thoughts via song lyrics.

“How many days did I spend thinking about how you did me wrong?”

So fucking many.

“But one magical night, I forgot that you existed.”

And that’s the thing, I forgot that you existed. I forgot the hurt. I forgot the broken promises. I forgot how terrible you made me feel, both on purpose and unintentionally via your actions. It’s been a long time. But tonight, you had the audacity to continually try to make eye contact with me. 

To quote Fall Out Boy, “Let’s play this game called, ‘when you catch fire, I wouldn’t piss to put you out’”. I wrote all of the above while drunk after the last emo night. I promptly forgot all about it. I forgot about it until I was preparing for therapy yesterday night and thinking about opposite actions for the feeling of shame. I do sometimes feel shame- I feel like I let you treat me the way you did, for as long as you did. But I think about what the folks in therapy told me, and what my therapist told me today. There’s nothing I could’ve done to deserve being treated that way. I hope you feel guilty sometimes. The world isn’t fair, but I hope you’ve reflected enough that you feel guilty sometimes. 

“It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference. So… yeah.”

[poodlestepdad]

here’s a concept: me, riding your ceiling fan like a gargoyle. you, smacking me with a broom. both of us are yelling

[poodlestepdad]

The gas statioj has a drinks store because it helps the car/owner bond if you eat fluids together

[poodlestepdad]

the most important thing is to be snuggly in bed