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The phrase “Tip: I am so fucking mad” will not leave my brain

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I believe in using songs to say things

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“where did all your money go?“ 

i’m either wearing it, or i ate it.

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Translation: Detective Pikachu won’t say the “fuck” word

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*opens fortune cookie and it just says BITCH in all caps*

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Converse Chuck Taylors have fuzz on the soles so that they can be classified as slippers, which are subject to much lower U.S. import tariffs than sneakers (x)

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Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like: 

“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?” 

“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.” 

“…Noted.” 

“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.” 

“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”

“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”

“Yeah.”

“Does such a process not hurt?”

“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.” 

“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?” 

“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?” 

“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.” 

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Also no? I’ve heard equal disdain from all types of people, with genuine feelings on the film. They turned Captain Marvel into some generic blonde superhero and slapped some shitty overused tropes into it, ofc no one likes it. What’s new

TLDR; I’m a female not obsessed with another generic superhero

Every girl I have talked to is obsessed with Captain Marvel after seeing it. Every man I have talked to is very critical of it and thinks it’s so generic. Wanna know why? Captain Marvel is the female visionary. That’s who women want to see. But it doesn’t relate to men and their tastes so it’s just bland to them. And that’s the tea sis ☕️

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man 2008 had some bangers!!!!!!

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Morning at the small pond.

(See if it’s left up this time.)

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It took my new cat a while to realise that kissing the top of her head was a gesture of affection, but I think she’s finally got it.

The downside is that she now thinks the best way to signal that she wants cuddles is to come charging at me and mash the top of her head against my face. It’s like a very affectionate punch in the mouth.