posts-i-cant-post

[posts-i-cant-post]

shout out to the girls who feel like the need more but like it would be too selfish to ask

[posts-i-cant-post]

we’re here for you they say but what they don’t tell you is here for you doesn’t mean there for you

that sometimes people who support you never feel quite there

Through white and blue glares on screens “I’m having a hard time” I claim “where here for you” they exclaim they ask what they can do to help and for once you give them a task

and yet once the task comes to pass the glares on my screen turn into apologies and maybe next times

[posts-i-cant-post]

Not me telling my friend I had a shit day and asking if they wanted to play games for awhile and then them saying they don’t wanna play games rn and then my phone getting a notification that they’re active on said game 30 minutes later

[posts-i-cant-post]

anyone else think it’s crazy that I didn’t feel nearly as alone when I had no friend as I do now with so many

[posts-i-cant-post]

a girl I barely know texted me today that she was upset and I spent like an hour cheering her up despite the fact it was 2pm and I still hadn’t been able to get out of bed and I swear I tell my friends I'm struggling and they’ll be like “sorry girly pop that’s my bedtime routine alarm I need to go put my face mask on” like I don’t know how I feel about it I’m happy they have boundaries because I know I don’t and it sucks but sometimes I wish I could be more important than someone’s routine being on time for once

[posts-i-cant-post]

my stupid dreams are at it again. Idk what sick kind of joke they were trying to play on me making me think my friends came to my house knowing I was not ok and were hugging me and listening to me but really when I wake up it’s just my weighted blanket and me in the dark (oh cause of course it could only last an hour not the whole night anyway)

[posts-i-cant-post]

I fucking hate myself for dialing the suicide hotline when I know I’m not gonna do it I just want someone to try and talk me out of it.

[posts-i-cant-post]

sometimes I wish I was in a tv show so someone could give me the speech I so desperately need and anyways here it is,

Is everything a fucking game to you? A scheme? Something you can best? This is life, not one of your- your- sudoku games! Not everything is meant to align perfectly and just because you want it to doesn’t mean you can force it. Who gave you the right to wrangle fate? You’re acting like it’s a ball of yarn you can wrap your hand around and weave however you please. But it’s- it’s just not. You’re not rewriting the string of fate just because you’re leaving a trail of red in your wake. Let me tell you something sweetheart, it’s time for you to wake the fuck up. Life isn’t some game, your friends aren’t characters! You can’t put it- put us- down and expect us to be here when you return. This isn’t Instagram. You can’t push friend and unfriend on real people like that. Oh I know you’ve got some BS excuse but for once can you just listen? I don’t even know why I try anymore. Maybe because I know friends are worth fighting for. But- but not you. You were never quite true were you? Don’t worry you’ll be fine all your real friends are still waiting for you in your computer screen.

[posts-i-cant-post]

born to write bad poetry, forced to eat pasta and cry

[posts-i-cant-post]

Use your library

I'm begging you to use your library

[posts-i-cant-post]

[posts-i-cant-post]

intro post

pretty much what my tag says this is “posts I can’t post” on my main

[posts-i-cant-post]

They used to say I was emotional.

I still am.

I just got better at hiding it.

[posts-i-cant-post]

I stand in the kitchen icing one of four mini heart cakes,

I’m determined to make the next day great.

tomorrow is my sisters birthday and she means so much to me,

I’m not good at much so I get stuck with the cake cause who can mess up a cake.

it’s harder than it looks, I end up with icing smudged on my cheek.

“We’re going upstairs” my mom calls out.

I look up from my work and mumble “one sec I’m still working here”

she says “hurry up your sister had a bad dream and it’s after midnight so it’s now her birthday we’re bringing her a cupcake!”

I rush to the sink to clean myself up but I hear them start to sing so I rush upstairs not a moment to waste.

while my mom and other sisters present a cupcake I made. to my sister.

who immediately wipes the tears from her eyes to blow out the light.

and as I watch her smiling face I pick at the flour under my nails and can’t help but think.

I hope she remembers me as the sister with icing on her face, sprinkles in her hair, flour caked onto her nails, instead of the sister who’s always late.

[posts-i-cant-post]

btw I just wanted to let you know this is my somewhat secret blog feel free to look at it whenever @rladpeps

[posts-i-cant-post]

am I a happy person with sad moments or a sad person with happy moments

[posts-i-cant-post]

why must I bear responsibility because of those who failed to take action before me?