pregnantpixiedreams

[pregnantpixiedreams]

After 20 hours of agony they were about to do an emergency c-section but he finally started to make some real progress right as they started prepping for it. It was really scary, but he finally came at 3:02 PM and it was so worth it. 

Bodhi Raye.  

It was so scary seeing him hooked up to so many machines at first. He needed some oxygen just because it actually looked like developmentally he was just a tiny bit early. They said that sometimes happens, people just have large babies that measure ahead of their gestation. Bodhi was probably around 37-38 weeks, and just needed a little time and some oxygen just to be on the safe side before he came home. Next time, I want to let my body do it on its own naturally, but I still cherish our story. In a week or so he came home, and my life was forever changed.  I can't wait to update you guys on our next chapter!

[pregnantpixiedreams]

The night before,  I remember feeling like I’d failed somehow the night before because I couldn’t make my body start labor on its own. We went to the hospital for the scheduled induction and my mom was there to coach me through it. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her, it was so much harder than I ever imagined. I had no idea the induction would be so painful, I felt so out of control of my own body. They kept upping my dose of pitocin as I wasn’t making progress, the contractions were unbelievable. I was so unprepared and scared of the pain. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

Leading up to my induction date I could only try to rush things along and focus on the negatives. It was a warm spring, and I was starting to get so uncomfortable- I wanted to play soccer, I wanted to be picking out graduation robes and cute spring dresses, I wanted my baby in my arms and have my body back again. I missed so much of the beauty and wonder of being pregnant, and I was in such a frantic rush to try and get myself to start labor. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

The last check up I had was when they decided to go ahead and schedule me to be induced since he appeared to be full term. They said it would be much better for me to deliver him sooner, rather than wait for him to get much bigger. So if I didn’t go on my own in the next few days, I was told they’ll have to induce. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

I ended up feeling really bored waiting for him, especially while all my friends still had weeks left of school but I’d finished early. I remember I kept trying to find ways to pass the time at home, I kept checking my phone trying to keep up with my friends- but their lives just seemed to be a world away from mine now. 

I also tried going on long walks since my mom said that helped with starting labor. It was spring and the weather was very nice, so I tried to stay busy by walking as much as I could. I felt very restless over the next couple weeks, I just wanted the time to pass quickly so I could have him here. I regret that I didn’t cherish that time with him in my belly as much as I wish I had, knowing how much i would miss that feeling. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

The same day I submitted for early graduation I had a check up where they told me that he officially looked full term and could come anytime. I noticed how much my belly had dropped lower when I compared it to a selfie from a few weeks ago. More than anything, I could really feel it in my lower back and how I felt like I had to pee even more than before. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

About a month before graduation, I stopped attending classes since we’d arranged for me to finish early. We could approximate I was most likely due around the end of April, so I worked on getting all my online assignments finished for early graduation. It felt weird not being at school, but my family felt it was best to get everything submitted early just in case he decided to come early, and give myself extra time to prepare.

[pregnantpixiedreams]

As I was nearing the end of my pregnancy I remember how freaky it was seeing the shape of my tummy change when my baby was moving around. He loved to stretch out and push/kick as hard against my belly as he could, especially while I was trying to go to sleep. It really freaked me out sometimes because it really looked like he was trying to break out!

[pregnantpixiedreams]

As the weeks went by and we slowly started getting more things ready.  I really started to see how this baby would change everything for me, in so many ways I knew I couldn't fully comprehend it until he got here. It didn’t take long for me to shift into getting really anxious for him to get here, I was excited but also had a lot of things I was worried about. So I just kind of wanted him to be here already so I could figure out what life would really be like with him here.

[pregnantpixiedreams]

This definitely wasn’t how I saw my senior prom going! Looking back, I think I was still fixated on trying to pretend like everything was normal.  It was around this time that my mom told me I needed to start really preparing for him, but I just wanted to hang out with my friends and go on like my life wasn’t about completely change in the next 8 weeks or so-  even as my belly stretched out the fabric of my dress. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

As spring rolled around and the first practices for spring-season soccer started, I felt so strange just watching all my friends and teammates stories and texts instead of being out there with them. We’d made a plan for me to graduate early that spring, so I had a lot of extra work to catch up on.

[pregnantpixiedreams]

I remember how those little flutters and movements I'd felt started really turning into big strong kicks. Even sometimes when I was trying to pay attention in class, he would kick me so hard it would completely distract me! I guess he just liked to remind me that he was there, and I found myself wondering if he’d like soccer as much as me.

[pregnantpixiedreams]

I remember eventually reaching a turning point where I actually felt relieved overall because I didn’t have to try hide it anymore. I didn’t have to panic every time something changed. Like... seeing my former innie start poking out through my clothes.

[pregnantpixiedreams]

I remember the first person I told on my own was my best friend, we were sitting alone in the library and she didn’t believe me at first, not until I actually showed her my belly underneath the oversized sweater I wore. I started to tell more people and pretty soon everyone knew. Some people were kind and some were not, I lost some friends and mentors in the process. It was a lonely time, but my two best friends supported me through things. My family was also supportive after the initial shock and they had been through this process so many times. They started to help me pick out names and plan things for me. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

In the next few weeks after the first ultrasound, I tried to take some time to process it on my own. At first, I didn’t tell anyone & just my mom and stepdad dad knew. But of course, my belly just kept growing and growing whether I was ready to tell everyone or not. I knew it getting too big to hide even with my baggiest clothes. 

[pregnantpixiedreams]

The next day, the ultrasound finally revealed everything.

The doctor told us; I was pregnant, probably around 18-21 weeks along, and it looked like a boy. My mom was shocked to see how far along I was, as was I. I think I’d known this was going on for a while, but kept denying it. Nonetheless, it was still such a shock to see an actual baby was inside me. It looked nothing like when my mom would show us her first ultrasounds- this baby was  already halfway along.

[pregnantpixiedreams]

I remember the night everything changed. I had been making sure I was wearing baggy clothes during the day, but I still wore my normal pjs once I was alone in my room for the night. But I also started  experiencing huge increases in appetite so I often woke up hungry and wanting a midnight snack. 

That night I had no idea that my mom was also up with my baby-brother and she walked in on me in my regular pjs. It was obvious to her immediately with how my belly was sticking out but she still asked me if I was pregnant. I could only say “I don’t know.” She scheduled an emergency OB appointment ASAP for me.