Text
Babygirl you are preventing me from fast traveling
156K notes
·
View notes
Text
*walks by a happy couple holding hands*
Me: he’s lying girl
140K notes
·
View notes
Text
omg girl good news! ive escaped my enclosure and am on my way to your house <3 :)
46K notes
·
View notes
Text
i just want to do cool teenager stuff, like going to parties and arson
156K notes
·
View notes
Text
my parents who have been married for like a billion years are having their billion year anniversary in a few days and theyre renewing their vows. they put me in charge of planning and program and emcee-ing and they told me to “have fun with it” so heres my first two slides of the program

130K notes
·
View notes
Text
*finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe
223K notes
·
View notes
Text
Why do ppl call soda "soft drink"...have you ever FELT that thing in your mouth? They're spiky!! Not soft!!
24K notes
·
View notes