probably-not-an-alligator

[probably-not-an-alligator]

Me, getting sensory overload: there's something under my skin

My sister: i taught a class on this! It's bones. don't worry about it

[probably-not-an-alligator]

how it feels to stop tossing and turning and get up to piss

[probably-not-an-alligator]

i’m obsessed with the mum from ponyo. driving single lane on a cliff edge? drift those turns in your nissan cube. husband has to work an extra shift? tell him to fuck off in morse code. pet fish turned into a child on your driveway? adopt her. town drowned in a tsunami? leave your 5 year old in charge, he’s the man of the house now

[probably-not-an-alligator]

Arugula is some crap they found on the ground for real

[probably-not-an-alligator]

when you want to play your video games but dont have the energy for it its like who wants to be my proxy that does the gameplay while i watch and make every decision in the game from the comfort of my bed

[probably-not-an-alligator]

"it's inscrutable" maybe to you it is. I scrute it all the time

[probably-not-an-alligator]

[probably-not-an-alligator]

[probably-not-an-alligator]

gluten-free cheez-its 2026 never kill yourself

[probably-not-an-alligator]

In case you were wondering, all 435 House seats and 33 seats in the Senate are up for reelection in 2026.

[probably-not-an-alligator]

[probably-not-an-alligator]

Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

[probably-not-an-alligator]

Bro, we are cooked. The knight that dogs the prince's shadow like a dark and silent wraith just knelt to press his forehead to the prince's hand. Yeah, now he's uttering a prayer whose recipient is ostensibly God but in reality is the deified version of the prince that exists only in his mind. Aaand the prince just caressed his cheek to preemptively grant him absolution. I gotta... I gotta get out of here.

[probably-not-an-alligator]

everyone talks about the folgers coffee incest commercial but remember the quizno’s commercial where the guy was fucking the toaster oven?

[probably-not-an-alligator]

"Is that your dick bulge?" No ma'am that's cigarettes. Move along you don't want me.