prodigialis-blog1 - Tumblr blog

[prodigialis-blog1]

[prodigialis-blog1]

anyway i’ve decided i’m too lazy to remake this blog too (also there’s really not that much on it, unlike on levi) so instead i’m just going to a) change my alias here too; b) update/simplify my rules; c) clean out my following list and some of my old posts

[prodigialis-blog1]

somebody: hange are u an angry person

hange:

[prodigialis-blog1]

@leadersguilt asked: ❝A stone on the path means the tea’s not ready, a stone in the hand means somebody’s angry.❞

    and maybe they are angry.

    and maybe they have been angry their whole life. maybe it’s all that’s ever really driven them – they can dress it up in frilly clothes, a distraction, they can mask it with laughter, twist the energy into something loud but innocent, a soap bubble popping, but in the end there’s always been a stone in their hand, hasn’t there?

    when they were a child, they tried to open a door and found it locked. no, hange, they were told. you can’t go in there. they think they’ve been angry ever since.

    you learn, of course. you learn how to twist it, how to mock yourself until everything’s funny instead. you put the anger into your hands so that they’ll make things, into your legs so you can run far and fast and keep on living, into your forest-fire thoughts until you find the truth. you laugh at dinner and then you go and stab your captive titans through the heart and watch them leer down at you with those empty smiles, and they might call you a titan-lover but you’re the only one who feels the spark of hate driving the spear past skin and bone.

    so they’re angry. they’re angry at so many things -- at the titans, for killing everyone they love. at the humans who keep their own kind locked behind walls. at the military police who hold back progress, hold back discovery, who murder people who get too close to making something new. at this new enemy, the beast titan and all his soldiers and the nation that stands behind them and hates hange’s people for daring to exist and cling to life.

    at those who couldn’t cling to life. at levi for letting erwin die. at erwin for dying. at themself, for wearing this bolo tie and having no earthly idea what to do with it. at erwin again, for putting it around their neck. you will be the fourteenth commander of the survey corps. what was he thinking?

    hange looks up at jean through their one good eye, flashing a smile as they toss the stone in their hand lightly in the air, catching it without looking. at least they still have that, the reflexes honed into their body; if they had looked, they might not have caught it. depth perception’s all off now. they’re angry about that, too. “i’ve never heard that saying! where’s it come from? guess i’d better throw this on the path then--” and they do just that, let it fall to the ground. they’d only picked it up for something to fiddle with, anyway. “because there is no tea, and i’m definitely not angry. did you need something, jean?”

[prodigialis-blog1]

❝You saved my life. I owe you, I owe you everything.❞ OKAY A REAL ASK NOW

@patchtorn || some meme

     if they counted all the lives they’ve traded, saved and lost, here and gone, they’d never stop counting.

     helplessness is a terrible feeling, but one that hange is intimately familiar with. helpless was watching two thirds of their squad die on their very first expedition right in front of them. helpless was the first time they saw the sheer number of military police stationed at every corner of the university in mitras, controlling information, standing between the truth and anyone who tried to grasp it. helpless was seeing thousands of humans sent to die because there wasn’t room for them within the walls that had held them hostage. helpless was coming back from expeditions again and again, losing friends, losing everyone, and gaining nothing. 

     they hate it. watching people die, over and over. coming up against walls, over and over. helpless. it won’t work, hange. it’s dangerous, hange. you can’t save anyone with a mad idea like that, hange. their life has been a study in futility, it sometimes feels. they’re used to it now, the awful weight of seeing someone die before them, but it never gets easier.

     but they aren’t helpless. that is a way of thinking they cannot let themself succumb to. they’re better than that. they have their mind, and they have their swords, and they may not have levi’s skills, but they’ve survived in the corps for this long for a reason. sometimes, they can protect people. sometimes, they can make a difference.

     it’s good to see petra all in one piece. that had been too close -- hange can still see, if they close their eyes, the titan reaching to grab petra in one grotesque, meaty hand. they were fast enough to kill it first. this time, they were fast enough. there wasn’t time to do more than check to make sure petra got out alive before they had to turn their focus back to their own squad; now, camped for the evening, is the first time either of them have had the time to check base.

     “get levi to babysit a titan for me and consider it paid,” they say, flashing a grin as they look up at petra from where they’re seated; there are several different varieties of grasses and flowers on the ground before them, and they’re in the middle of taking notes on them, but they set their notebook aside as petra approaches. they’ll have moblit do sketches and press the grasses between paper later so that they preserve nicely. erwin won’t approve any expeditions for the express purpose of studying the botany outside the walls, so they have to do what they can in what little spare time there is when they’re outside.

     their smile disappears quickly, though, and they pat the ground next to them. “you know that’s not how it works, petra. you don’t owe me anything. i mean, can you imagine how confusing it would get if we all kept tabs of who saved who how many times?” they certainly owe their life to others, many of whom aren’t alive to collect their debts. there isn’t a soldier in the corps who hasn’t had to put their life in the hands of their comrades at least once. even levi...well, maybe not levi, hange’s pretty sure levi’s made of some superhuman titan-invincible stuff, but they’re not allowed to run tests on him, so they can’t know for sure. 

     the point is, it’s not about owing. if petra has a debt, she’s already paid it by being alive, by being here to sit next to hange with her jokes and her sweet smile, by not becoming one of hange’s ghosts. they have enough of those already. “come to think of it, if that happened we’d all owe levi, like, a thousand life debts. i’d have to actually listen to him when he tells me not to do things, it’d be terrible.” they’re getting away from the point. joking is easier than sincerity, but petra deserves sincerity, doesn’t she? 

     they sigh a little, like they’re bracing themself for it, or breathing out everything in them that says dissemble, dissemble. they let a hand settle over one of petra’s own, their palm rough with callouses from their work. “i happen to like you better alive than as titan food, petra. you don’t have to thank me. i’m glad you’re okay.”

[prodigialis-blog1]

hey hange levi says you're his best friend :)

@patchtorn is a dirty traitor

     “aww, he said about about me?” the usual teasing tone, except then they seem to take in the full meaning of petra’s intel, and blink in surprise. 

     “wait -- for real? captain ‘i have never met a feeling’ levi said that? sober? under his own free will? was he sleep deprived to the point of delirium, because i’m pretty sure that’s happened before--”

     it seems, statistically, a very unlikely thing for levi to say -- but if he did, and petra’s usually a trustworthy source of information, then this is so something hange is going to hold him to for the rest of their life, however long that is. “best friend, huh? has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it -- i’m gonna start introducing myself as captain levi’s best friend from now on, think he’ll be cool with that?” 

     it’s hidden by the return of their playful smile, but make no mistake -- underneath it all, they’re touched. an admission of affection from levi is no small thing. levi’s always tolerated their shit, never dismissed their theories no matter how crazy they might seem, always listened to them. no matter how irritated he might act, he’s good to them, though he’d have every right to hate them for how much they’ve pestered him over the years. if he really does care enough to think of them this way, despite everything --

     -- well. that means something. in fact, it means a lot.

[prodigialis-blog1]

〢▓█  ✕  HEADCANONS  //  ⌜ meet the muse !⌟

NAME ➔   hange zoë! ARE YOU SINGLE ? ➔  let’s just say i’m married to my work. ARE YOU HAPPY ? ➔  “happy” is kind of a weird concept in our situation, isn’t it? but i try to find joy wherever i can. ARE YOU ANGRY ? ➔  me? angry? what a funny question. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED ? ➔  yes, or at least -- they were the last time i had contact with them. BIRTHPLACE ? ➔  ehrmich district.

NINE FACTS  ↳

HAIR COLOR ➔  brown EYE COLOR ➔   also brown! BIRTHDAY ➔  september 5th. MOOD ➔ what, right now? i’m fine. GENDER ➔  aha, people like to ask me this question, don’t they?  SUMMER OR WINTER ? ➔  summer. MORNING OR AFTERNOON ? ➔  afternoon. morning’s so early.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ↳

ARE YOU IN LOVE ? ➔  there are at least a dozen people in the corps who would tell you i’m in love with some titan or other. why don’t you ask them? DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ? ➔  i believe in attraction at first sight. love, though? that takes longer. WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP ? ➔  hm? HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART ? ➔  oh, yeah! i break levi’s heart every time i forget to bathe. ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS ? ➔  i think you have to be willing to make commitments to get anywhere in life -- i mean, i’ve been committed to learning the truth about the titans and our world for most of my life, and that’s how i ended up here! or were you asking about people? HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK ? ➔  yep! HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER ? ➔  i guess i wouldn’t know if i did, huh? HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART ? ➔   what a strange question.

SIX CHOICES ↳

LOVE OR LUST ? ➔  love’s probably better, in the end. LEMONADE OR ICE TEA ? ➔ ooh -- lemonade. CATS OR DOGS ? ➔  both! A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ? ➔  i mean, it’s great to have as many friends as you can get, right? but i think, no matter what, there are only going to be a few people who you’ll really share yourself with. WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ? ➔   night out! sounds fun! DAY OR NIGHT ? ➔  day. i bump into things at night.

FOUR HAVE YOU EVER ↳

BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ? ➔  oh, yeah. there was the time i tried sneaking out to find a way under the walls as a kid, and the times i snuck out to go bug-hunting, and the times as a trainee when i left the barracks after curfew... FALLEN DOWN / UP THE STAIRS ? ➔  uh. maybe? WANTED SOMEONE / SOMETHING SO BADLY IT HURT ? ➔  that’s how i’ve felt about finding the truth pretty much my whole life. WANTED TO DISAPPEAR ? ➔ now, if i could figure out how to become invisible, that’d be a trick.

FOUR PREFERENCES ↳

SMILE OR EYES ? ➔  smile! SHORTER OR TALLER ? ➔  does it matter? INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ? ➔  intelligence. HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIPS ? ➔  i mean, whatever floats your boat, right? hook-ups can be fun, but, i don’t know, are they really worthwhile? as for relationships, i don’t really have time for one.

FAMILY ↳

DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ? ➔  ...not really, no.  WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “ MESSED UP LIFE ” ? ➔   i don’t really think anyone in the corps has a normal life, do you? HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ? ➔  i guess joining the survey corps felt a bit like running from home. i told my parents, but i didn’t exactly get their blessing. HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ? ➔  people are always trying to shoo me away from things!

FRIENDS ↳

DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ? ➔  how could they be my friend if i hated them? DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ? ➔  yeah! WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ? ➔  ah, moblit is the one who spends the most time around me, but he acts more like a mother than anything else...i guess it’d be levi, wouldn’t it? WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ? ➔  ah...the veterans who enlisted near when i did, those who are still alive. my squad, moblit, erwin and levi...well, i don’t know that it’s possible to know everything about a person. but they know enough.

TAGGED BY :  @brazcns TAGGING :  haven’t done this yet? guess what, i’m tagging you

[prodigialis-blog1]

he's got his brooding face on. hange can see it from a mile away. they drop to sit beside him, slapping him lightly on the back. "hey, chin up, eren! we may not have figured out hardening, but we're still getting a lot from these experiments! i've learned more about titans just from you than i have in years, so don't feel like we're not making progress." they ruffle his hair. "but if you still need cheering up, you can watch me throw spitballs at levi." ( h ello

It has gotten quiet again. By now it must be FREEZINGoutside, yet each time his comrades return after being relieved of watch duty,he hears not so much as a word of complaint. There is no end to the effort putin by everyone to maintain their order and bring these experiments to fruition withhighest possible discretion    —    and on his end thus far, only complete andutter FAILURE. All the growth of convictionin his heart seemingly for naught, he’d been shocked by his own inability. What good are titan powers in hands this incompetent?To even have the right be treated as an irreplaceable asset for which countless soulshave already cast away their lives, he has to deliver accordingly. Performwell, reap results. Honor the fallen and repay the living with the progressthey have all fought so valiantly for.

He absolutely, without question, has to.

And it’s during times like these, when theywould regroup after withdrawing from another site of experimentation where he’dbarely accomplished more than a handful of PARLORTRICKS, that the weight settles heavy on his shoulders and sends anoverexerted mind in the downward spiral he has swore to both himself and hispeers not to venture down. A gloomy spell broken by the impromptu impact of apalm against his back, and Eren jolts slightly in his slumped seat on thebedside, clouded eyes clearing with a startled blink.

               ❛  Squadleader —?  ❜        The sentiment is appreciated more than he knows how to express. A sometimes ECCENTRIC presence, butone with an eye keener and mind sharper than anyone    —   of course Hange would be attentive to the shift in mood. Head ducked, Eren yields tothe touch without a word, the warm gesture feeling unfamiliar but somehow not onebit strange when offered by them.         ❛  Yeah ,  I guess …    Next time I will have thought of adifferent technique to try.   I won’t give up ,  and I know I’ve gotta work harder to figure thisout.  ❜         Hejust doesn’t know how. But if he puts this most ardent desire of his intowords, maybe he’ll find a way. It’s a wishful thought.

               ❛  T …   thanks ,  but that’s okay ,  really ..!     I mean ,  CaptainLevi won’t be pleased if you get the floor dirty —  ❜        He isn’t trying to play mediator between two long-time friends. But endangering the cabin floor in the process, the one he has been sweeping relentlessly to keep in an acceptable state? Oh, that’s a dangerous game to play.

[prodigialis-blog1]

tucks a flower behind ari's ear. "shh," they whisper conspiratorially, leaning close to ari's face with their finger up to their lips. "smuggled you in a flower from outside the walls. do me a favor and don't tell the monarchy, okay?"

WHEN THEY APPROACH her,she wonderswhat’s the matter; while it isn’t strange for Hanji to give a hug hereand there, or even, simply check up on the girl and how she was doing, Ari had beencarefullyreminded by all the soldiers – including LEVI – that they would be incredibly busy. Since they’ve returnedfrom expedition, it seems like Levi was locked away in his office with paperworkstacked high, and Hanji was left to more of…well, whatever they did. ( wheneverAri asked, she wasn’t allowed to know…’you’re too little to know’,they said. Pft. )

But this time is much different from others, as they hold aflower out for the child to see, before promptly lacing it behind her ear. Bluehues widenslightly with surprise as the other warns her about stayingquiet, but it isn’t long before an understanding, devious smile tracesher lips. A FLOWER! How thoughtful!

“I…I p-pinkie promise I won’t say a th…thing!” Ari whispers back, a littlehand rising to let her fingertips gently stroke the colorful petals, “Th…Thank you for the fl-flower, Hanji…I…I r-really, reallylike it!”

@prodigialis

[prodigialis-blog1]

a tiny brief thing on hange’s history, because i kept trying to write the whole thing out months ago and never finishing:

they grew up in ehrmich district, the southernmost district of wall sina. their family was middle-class, reasonably well-off but never rich.

their mother, ailis zoë worked as an apothecary. their father, professor barnabas zoë, was a professor of mathematics at ehrmich college.

their house was absolutely covered in books, and hange delighted in reading, well, all of them. their father fostered this love of learning and took pride in it, though he was taken aback by how quickly and voraciously hange advanced through even his higher-level textbook.

they also loved to be outside, exploring, getting dirty, invariably ending up in places they shouldn’t be. their parents had to make a lot of apologies to neighbors.

for a long time, their dream, nurtured by their father, was to attend the university in mitras, the most esteemed body of learning within the walls. they hoped there to find answers to the questions they’d had about the world since childhood, or at least to be surrounded by other people also looking for the answers.

when they were fourteen, however, they visited the university with their father for the first time -- and was sorely disappointed at what they found. the scholars there either laughed at their questions or dismissed them. nobody seemed interested in studying anything outside the walls -- or, if they were, the heavy military police presence around campus kept them from talking about it. where hange had hoped to find keen minds searching for answers about the world, instead they found a group of stuffy, self-congratulatory old men in robes making a very big deal out of knowing all the same things they’d known for a hundred years.

disgusted and thoroughly disenchanted, hange returned home unsure what to do. they could go to the university anyway, try to reform it from the inside out, but they were pretty sure they’d get into trouble for punching one of their superiors before the first month was out, and besides, the military police back home already hated them enough for their multiple attempts at chipping at the walls (or, in one case, digging to see how deep they went) and various other transgressions. the mp presence on campus would keep them from doing anything useful.

they weren’t sure what to do until they overheard a few people complaining about the survey corps. apparently their most recent expedition had been a failure, but that was unimportant; what hange latched onto was one woman’s muttered, “don’t know why anyone would want to go outside the walls, anyway.” 

that, of course, was the answer: they had had it backwards, thinking that they would learn anything by going farther inward. they needed to be outside, that was where the real learning could happen -- outside where everything was unknown, outside where there were no military police to stop them from taking samples. and the survey corps accepted anyone willing to join, so whether or not they cared about hange’s quest for knowledge, they wouldn’t stop them. 

they next time a military recruiter came around, hange joined up. and then came telling their parents.

their mother was upset, but resigned; she seemed to have been expecting something like this. their father, however, was another matter entirely. professor zoë had always been vocally anti-military; he denounced violence of all kinds, and hated the idea of his child taking up a sword at all, much less throwing their lot in with a group of people apparently determined to get themselves killed. 

there was an argument. voices raised. hange tried to explain that their goal hadn’t changed: they were joining not for the violence for the intellectual opportunities. “you think you’ll have the chance to take tissue samples while you’re being slaughtered? do you know the survival rates of the corps? you’ll die on your first expedition--” “but if you survive the first, your chances of survival go up exponentially! all i have to do is make it past the first couple of expeditions and then--”

“okay, let’s entertain, just for a moment, the fantasy that you don’t end up as titan food. is this the length you’re willing to go for knowledge? by killing your way to it?”

“if i have to.”

hange and their father parted on poor terms, and soon after they left with the rest of the recruits to join the training corps. they trained from the age of 15 to 18. from the start they were seen as eccentric -- they made no secret of the fact that they planned on joining the survey corps, and while they were skilled with the maneuver gear, they spent more time studying and experimenting than they did training properly. they got in trouble with the sergeants not infrequently and never had the highest marks despite their skills, but this was no skin off their back, as they didn’t care about being in the top ten.

when the day came that they joined the corps, they were excited. when their first expedition came, they were excited. and then came the titans, and the death. then came screaming as a third of their squad died in one fell swoop. then came limping back home with wagons full of bodies. then came reality.

for a while, their hopes of making grand discoveries fell to the wayside in the wake of the shell-shock of their first real experience with tragedy. they had thought they were prepared. they had no idea. they dealt with grief and anger, and began to nurse a true hatred of titans, hotter even than the scorn they had for many people inside the walls. for a time their existence became about revenge, about slaughtering as many titans as they could, because titans had killed their friends and titans kept them trapped behind walls and titans stood between them and their freedom. 

and then, of course, they kicked the titan’s head.

[prodigialis-blog1]

"oh! petra!" they skid to a halt, glasses askew, just in time to avoid running face-first into petra as she rounds a corner. "heeey, uh, if you see levi? tell him you don't know where i am, okay? in fact, tell him you've never seen me before in your life, no idea, hange? who's that? cool! thanks! bye!" and then they're off again, running for their life -- presumably, levi's somewhere behind with a sponge and a blunt weapon. it's "force hange to bathe" day.

@prodigialis ♥ // ALWAYS ACCEPTING HANGE’S ANTICS

        hange running into her at breakneck speeds is not how she expected to start her day off. no, she’s supposed to leave the paperwork in her hands on erwin’s desk and then go and join the rest of her squad for drills and training the new recruits - maybe she’ll even have time to stop into town and buy some groceries this evening. you’re getting sidetracked, she thinks, bringing her attention back to hange, who is talking so fast petra is reeling trying to absorb what’s just been offered, dumbfounded confusion evident on her face.

                                               “ wh-? hange!? “

       before she can even think to question, hange is off like a shot, leaving only a small brush of air to shift the paperwork in petra’s arms. from the door at the end of the hall emerges her captain looking particularly ruffled, trudging along the same path as the squad leader with deadset intent in his eyes. uh-oh, she thinks, breaking out the most convincing yet overly cheesy smile she can muster and ducking into a nearby room. she is not about to get caught up in… whatever that was.

                it’s about two minutes later she hears a loud thud coming from their direction.

[prodigialis-blog1]

clings to hange. "hey"

@patchtorn​ || random cuteness? always accepting.

     –ah?

     they’re sitting on top of a low wall overlooking one of the training areas. below them, recruits are sparring, overseen by ness and his second. hange’s fiddling with a broken grip as they listen to the sounds of the training – it was abel’s, but it won’t fire right anymore. good thing it malfunctioned during training and not on an expedition, or he’d probably be titan food right about now.

     they think they can fix it, if they take it apart to see what’s interrupting the trigger system – but it also gives them a good opportunity to mess with its insides a bit. they keep wondering, every time they see levi and his reverse grip, if they can’t modify those triggers, make them easier to use no matter how you hold your blade. it’s gotta be pretty damn tough, operating it with a pinky instead of an index finger, and hange’s already modified levi’s grips to put less strain on his fingers, but it’s just an indication, isn’t it, that the whole system needs an overhaul–

     hands wrap around hange’s arm, halting that thought for the moment (or, at least, dimming it; in the back of their head they’re still pondering), and they glance up to see petra clinging to them, all bright hair and bright eyes. “heyyy, petra,” they grin, shifting over and patting the space beside them so she can sit down properly. they toss the grip slightly in front of them, then snatch it deftly out of the air. “hey, you ever wish your blades were more versatile? the trigger kind of gets in the way, right, forces you to hold it only one way? i’ve been wondering about that ever since levi joined, him and his weird reverse grip–” they grab petra’s hand, slipping her fingers into the holes in the grip. “would you change it, if you could?”

[prodigialis-blog1]

She would roll up her sleeves and dispense with sentimentality, and do whatever blood-soaked, bad-smelling thing had to be done. She would become adept with axes.

Margaret Atwood, “Moral Disorder” (via against-stars)

[prodigialis-blog1]

Hanji Zoe #hanjizoë #hanji #shingeki_no_kyojin #attackontitan #pencildrawing

[prodigialis-blog1]

[prodigialis-blog1]

RICHARD SIKEN SENTENCE STARTERS [EXTENDED]

– So I really liked the original meme here, so much that I ended up buying the poet’s book Crush to read. 

Inspiration hit and here are 79 lines, categorized by poem. Feel free to change pronouns and any names!

SCHEHERAZADE

❝Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake and dress them in warm clothes again.❞ ❝Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it’s noon, that means we’re inconsolable.❞ ❝Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.❞ ❝Tell me we’ll never get used to it.❞

DIRTY VALENTINE

❝There’s a part in the movie where you can see right through the acting, where you can tell that I’m about to burst into tears.❞ ❝I swallow your heart and it crawls right out of my mouth.❞ ❝You swallow my heart and flee, but I want it back now, baby. I want it back.❞ ❝I’m sorry. We know how it works. The world is no longer mysterious.❞

LITTLE BEAST

❝I like him and I want to be like him, my hands no longer an afterthought.❞ ❝Someone once told me than explaining is an admission of failure.❞ ❝I’m sure you remember, I was on the phone with you, sweetheart.❞ ❝History repeats itself.❞ ❝There are many names in history but none of them are ours.❞ ❝You could drown in those eyes, I said.❞ ❝But damn if there isn’t anything sexier than a slender boy with a handgun, a fast car, a bottle of pills.❞ ❝What would you like? I’d like my money’s worth.❞ ❝Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.❞     ❝I couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time.❞

SEASIDE IMPROVISATION

❝Tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.❞ ❝You do the math, you expect the trouble.❞ ❝Draw a circle with a piece of chalk. Imagine standing in a constant cone of light. Imagine surrender. Imagine being useless.❞ ❝A stone on the path means the tea’s not ready, a stone in the hand means somebody’s angry.❞ ❝The stone inside you still hasn’t hit bottom.❞

THE TORN-UP ROAD

❝There is no way to make this story interesting.❞ ❝I want to tell you this story without having to confess anything, without having to say that I ran out into the street to prove something.❞ ❝Tell me we’re dead and I’ll love you even more.❞ ❝And he knew it wasn’t going to be okay, and he told me it wasn’t going to be okay.❞ ❝But the minutes don’t stop.❞ ❝And words, little words, words too small for any hope or promise, not really soothing but soothing nonetheless.❞

LITANY IN WHICH CERTAIN THINGS ARE CROSSED OUT

❝You will be alone always and then you will die.❞ ❝So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog of non-definitive acts, something other than the desperation.❞ ❝I’m sorry I came to your party and seduced you and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.❞ ❝You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?❞ ❝I can tell you already think I’m the dragon, that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon. I’m not the princess either.❞ ❝Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future.❞ ❝And yes, I swallow glass, but that comes later.❞ ❝Shut up. I’m getting to it.❞ ❝For a while I thought I was the dragon.❞ ❝Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.❞ ❝You still get to be the hero.❞ ❝What more do you want?❞ ❝Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me?❞ ❝Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.❞ ❝There is something underneath the floorboards.❞ ❝I arrived in the city and you met me at the station, smiling in a way that made me frightened.❞ ❝This doesn’t look that much different from home.❞ ❝Love, for you, is more than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s terrifying.❞ ❝Okay, if you’re so great, you do it–❞ ❝Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.❞ ❝I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.❞ ❝When I say this, it should mean laughter, not poison.❞

A PRIMER FOR THE SMALL WEIRD LOVES

❝And you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn’t do.❞ ❝Because you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore.❞ ❝And the boy who loves you the wrong way is filthy.❞

UNFINISHED DUET

❝He wants to be tender and merciful.❞ ❝He meaning you.❞ ❝Do you love yourself?❞ ❝I don’t have to answer that.❞ ❝It should matter.❞

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU

❝I don’t think I can take this much longer.❞ ❝In the dream I don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap.❞ ❝In these dreams it’s always you: the boy in the sweatshirt, the boy on the bridge, the boy who always keeps me from jumping off the bridge.❞ ❝Oh, the things we invent when we are scared and want to be rescued.❞ ❝I borrowed your shoes and didn’t put them away.❞ ❝You didn’t show up. I kept waiting.❞

STRAW HOUSE, STRAW DOG

❝You have a cold cold smile.❞ ❝Watch me, just watch me.❞ ❝I swallowed crushed ice pretending it was glass.❞ ❝I don’t really blame you for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.❞ ❝You can sleep now, you said. You said that. I had a dream where you said that. Thanks for saying that. You weren’t supposed to.❞

PLANET OF LOVE

❝And you play along, because you want to die for love, you always have.❞

WISHBONE

❝You saved my life. I owe you, I owe you everything.❞ ❝Let’s not talk about it, let’s just not talk.❞ ❝Don’t bother. You never mean it anyway, not really, and it only makes me that much more ashamed.❞ ❝Please, for just one night, will you lie down next to me, we can leave our clothes on, we can stay all buttoned up…❞ ❝Do you see what I mean? Do you see what I’m getting at?❞ ❝If you love me, _____ , you don’t love me in a way I understand.❞ ❝Do you want to go home now?❞

[prodigialis-blog1]

“ Do you know what exactly we in the Survey Corps have spilled our blood for? To take back our freedom the Titans stole from us. For that cause… our lives were a small price to pay! ”