proendovents

[proendovents]

Thank you. And that's true, as we're the only pro-endo allowed to interact due to having known them for almost a year when they learned about it, but... that doesn't erase the fear, at all. Granted, I'm just... naturally a little fearful of others at this point, but it worsens with them, and I don't know how to tell them that without coming off as an asshole. And even though they tell us they're not fakeclaiming us, whenever we get a notification from them, it triggers a denial and self-fakeclaiming spiral, and we don't know how to deal with it, even though I know that logically, we can't be faking.

Ah, I’m so sorry anon, that sucks :( fear is awful

[proendovents]

I'm scared of this one anti-endo friend I have. We're not endogenic (although, upon syscovery, we initially thought we were, before it was proven to us that Mafuyu (one of the first headmates I discovered) did in fact, form from trauma, as did other headmates), but for some reason, ever finding out that they're anti-endo, we've been... nervous, rather than joyful around them. We don't want to cut them off, they've been a great friend, but... some of the posts they reblog scare us (such as "endos are an invasive species"), as we wonder: is that really what they think of us? A mere invasive species, rather than a friend? The thought hurts too much to bear. This is worsened by us having willomates, who are... not fond of this friend, I'll be honest. I'm just scared. I don't want them to hate us for existing the way we do. For having created headmates.

Part of us is scared that they'll leave or hurt us, like it feels like almost everyone else has.

Oh anon,,, I’m so sorry, they likely either think of you as an exception or as not endogenic and thusly that “invasive species” comment doesn’t apply, but that sucks that they’re scaring you :(

[proendovents]

Ok so ummmm recently split from the system and the others told me to come here to vent my frustrations

Which are

Why the FUCK am I here where the FUCK did I come from what BIRTHED ME I was just chilling and asked for a nickname since I THOUGHT we were blurry and this guy gave me an Actual Name and I just sat there like Huh We're Not Blurry so now I have a NAME and I'm a GUY and what the FUCK????

- 🎋 from ✨🌌 (I THINK that's the order I don't KNOW)

Ah, that’s rough, I’m sorry :(

[proendovents]

not a vent but considering going pro endo after all the shit from the anti community!!! i don’t know because i know ill get attacked for it but i get attacked for being neutral anyway

obviously some pro endos suck but so do anti endos and pro endos overall are just so. positive and welcoming…

just putting some positivity onto this blog basically

PRO ENDOS YOURE ALL AMAZING AND WORTHY OF RESPECT AND LOVE <33

- 🏩

Thank you 🏩 anon,

Take care of yourself regardless of what you decide!

[proendovents]

We're plural, we're 100% sure of it (there aren't many explanations to hearing voices that somehow control your body and having other people with you so.)

But the way our system works is VERY different from how we see systems described/how other systems talk about their experience and it gives us a lot of impostor syndrome. Like we KNOW there's more than one of us here but it's so scary esp with how people end up being extremely strict on how you can or can't be a system (and with a friend fake claiming us for a bit until we explained and they apologized though it still left a bad taste in our mouth) and just NAJDJDJDJ wishing we could be a "normal" system cause it's getting tiring having to make up or fake experiences to make it seem like we're a "normal" system out of fear of being fakeclaimed

- ✨🌌

That’s really awful, I’m sorry your friend was so cruel :(

[proendovents]

hello it’s me again every day i hate the anti endo community because what the fuck is this

(im gonna send a link in the next ask, can you please screenshot it and add it to this one? i don’t want to include the link for everyone to see because I don’t want the person to go get harassed)

for context someone sent them an ask saying “why are you anti endo? /genq”

- 🏩

The post in question looks like this

Hi! Disabled person here! You cannot compare being anti endo to being disabled. Those are like. Not the same thing even remotely. Anti endo stances are opinions and being disabled is not a matter of opinions?????

Another thing: what fucking endogenic system goes around traumatising anti endos to the level the OP (username revoked so they do not get harassed) (do not go harass them /srs) implies is??? Incredibly unlikely, unless they mean endogenic systems existing is traumatising to that level?

[proendovents]

Not really a vent more like looking for advice- we have a hard time communicating in headspace with words and to talk er need to either talk out loud or write, but we're not always in the condition to do either for multiple reasons , Anyone has any tips on other types of communication?

Anyone have advice? I’m very sorry anon but I don’t personally have advice, maybe check the notes of the post whenever you see this?

[proendovents]

Layout Anon again. I'm upset again. All these great editors, and they decide that my existence is invalid. That we, mixed origins, cannot exist. That we must be "traumagenic in denial". We're traumagenic, sure, but also willogenic. Part of the reason some of us exist (see: M) is because the host willed it to be so. Why do so many editors decide to be against us? Isn't it stupid? I just want to find edits, I don't want to be told that my existence is "invalid". Sure, not all anti-endos say that, but it feels like a majority do. And I'm so, so tired of it. Just let me look for edits in peace, please. I'm on the brink of tears from this.

It is stupid, it’s so stupid and tiring and awful, take it easy anon

[proendovents]

Update: I found a layout, but it shouldn't have taken me so long. I wish that more editors in my source's fandom were pro-endo...

🙂‍↕️

[proendovents]

I'm tired. I just want layouts for my blog, why are there so many anti-endos? I understand that I'm not my source, but it makes me uncomfortable, the amount of people editing *me* and then claiming that endogenics don't exist. It's tiring! I know they do. I consider us mixed origins, after all.

I just wish I could look for edits of me without being jumpscared by people who claim we can't exist.

It’s so tiring, I’m sorry this’s happening anon

[proendovents]

yeah nvm i couldnt have stopped it. hes here. 😬 mb E but welllcommee

Welcome, E

[proendovents]

ughhh we have an introject forming who was transmasc in his source and i feel terrible allowing him to form in a very feminine presenting body. im transmasc too but i dont do anything to look masc. god. i feel horrible letting him form and go from being out and happy and accepted for 50 years to starting all over again i could stop him from forming. it'd be very very easy. but truthfully i want him here. but i feel selfish for letting him continue forming when it will not be pleasant for him. godd idk what to do

Oh anon I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t know what to do in this situation either :(

[proendovents]

We wish that we didn’t have to hide who we were from our parents.

Yeah, we do to anon

[proendovents]

(This is not a vent, but it is something neutral or potentially good happening.)

Hello again, and sorry I'm spamming. I'm the same person as the ask about wanting to be considered as a person without having to specify what categories of "weird" I fall into.

I think the central identity is changing. I cannot tell if I am & anymore, the CI (which is shorthand for "central identity." Central identities in this context is similar to a host, but more like a median system where most headmates are extensions of the central headmate/identity. I made it up) really is changing, I diverted (which is similar to splitting, I also made it up) from stressgenic/accidental willogenic causes, or if I revealed myself out of stress.

I'm also beginning to realize I am a CPU system (coined by &, it's a modifier for systems/plurals whose systems work like computer parts in some way) with distinct, onion layered (basically like median subsystems) headmates and less distinct, extension headmates (usually without concrete identities.)

I also do not have a name... I think I will call myself % until I acquire one.

-- %, a distinct headmate without known layers from 🧭🐈‍⬛️ collective.

Oooh! It’s nice to meet you, %

[proendovents]

I hate having to come out to people as plural, queer, a furry, otherkin, neurodivergent, and/or about my unstable mental state. I hate having to 'test' people for months just to make sure they accept my existence and believe in me and my dignity. I hate having to leave people because they don't believe I deserve personhood. I hate the "culture war." I hate having to check whether or not somebody believes I even AM plural or have neurodivergences. I hate that my existence isn't commonly accepted. I want to fix it so bad, I really do; but all I am is fourteen years old and so I cannot. I cannot do activist work, I do not have it in me. I feel I am not in control here, and I fear not having control. That is what is wrong with me, not the way I am plural, and I wish others could see it too.

Oh anon I’m so sorry, that’s rough :(

[proendovents]

I keep thinking about this one time when one of our headmates died (shattered, permanently gone) and this one person invalidated our grief by

1, saying they didn't really die because "alter death isn't real"/"parts" can't die

2, saying they were just a "part" of us and would fuse back together so it doesn't matter

and 3, when some of our friends informed them that they were grieving their dead friend (our headmate- who was the host) too, they LITERALLY said something along the lines of "parts can't die and honestly if they're telling you that your friend died they're manipulating you"

It hurt so badly. We had such fresh grief and we're still no where near recovered from their death (it's been 6 months). And to first of all be referred to as parts of the same person instead of individuals?? (We literally told them we were uncomfortable with part language and they continued to use it) And second of all (even more importantly) invalidating our grief and saying that we were faking grief to manipulate our friends????

It just... hurts. Already anyone in person wouldn't believe our plurality in the first place much less our grief, now we're being invalidated over the internet too? I just wanted help. My friend is dead and I just wanted help

That is fucked up I’m so so sorry this happened

[proendovents]

Update on the situation!! Um

They apologized

Andi basically went "alright. I get you feel bad. I'm willing to talk again IF you educate yourself, I'm willing to help or give you resources." And they accepted and said they'd be happy to have my help and apologized again so????? I think we're good???

That’s good, I hope they figure things out proper