proudheron

[proudheron]

hell yeah!!

[proudheron]

oh yeah i have another photo of the raised beds! garlic scapes and chives are huge and healthy, beans and chickpeas and soybeans and borages are starting out, cucumbers and tomatoes are struggling in the shade but hanging on. and bunch of sheep sorrel is filling the empty space as a lazy green manure.

in the far back corner, you can't really see, but bleeding hearts are still flowering, along with star-of-bethlehem, forget-me-not, buttercups, and climbing hydrangea.

so green it makes me want to cry. look at this: only six weeks ago i was marvelling at this amount of green:

[proudheron]

summer garden!! in the lily bed at left there are daisies & columbine blooming, peony buds about to explode, daylilies sending up their first scapes. at centre the bridal wreath spireas are flowering. their softly drooping branches always remind me of meringue pie, or soft serve ice cream. at right the hop bines are bouncing in mid-air trying to reach their full 20ft height but not having anything to climb. snap peas just started flowering too under their green netting, so pea harvest will start next week.

and at front right is my heirloom textile flax :) #myflax

[proudheron]

here is the photo i took of our last-night-in-marseille dinner, where we moved from downtown to an airport hotel with the last of our groceries. no cutlery so we rubbed the bread on the butter and alternated bites out of the cheese.

i really thought about smuggling some of that ambrosial butter (store brand, the bar is so low) through customs but knew i already might have issues with the two slabs of marble countertop that i found on the beach in callelongue. but i didn't, and anyway the marble has lasted much longer.

[proudheron]

Chloe Chlumecky (Canada b. 1999) First Night in Paris (2025) 122 x 152 cm

[proudheron]

first naengmyeon of the year in my new naengmyeon bowl that keeps the ice frozen while i eat slowly and watch the birds in the garden.

views from the outdoor dining table!

[proudheron]

working on my executive dysfunction in therapy, now that my previous medication is not available to me (ethanol). partially an adhd thing but i suspect largely a ptsd thing, an emotional snarl that i'm tripping over constantly. a relic of living with my 2 biggest haters for 18 years. i have untied most of the really awful knots myself but this one is too tough to do alone.

it's not an issue of making lists or organising tasks or planning things out. it's a loud parrotlike shriek that jeers at me whenever i frame any action as a kindness to myself. in order to do anything at all - getting out of bed, eating, bathing, enjoying hobbies, reading, gardening, chores - i either need to be explicitly instructed by someone else, or not have any intentions/desires/expectations for doing anything (this is where alcohol helped), or trick myself into thinking of it as a punishment. which doesn't strike me as healthy!!

anyway i did like 4 things today that i have been avoiding for months, powering through that awful screeching laughter. small tasks but i'm emotionally exhausted. spent part of my first paycheck on very nice beef and i'm going to have my first naengmyeon of the year to celebrate, and i will show you all

[proudheron]

having anti punitive justice morals sucks because you want to say "man that guy sucks he should get hit with hammers until he dies" but you also want to make it clear you don't think anyone should be put in charge of the 'hit people with hammers until they die" machine.

[proudheron]

So last month I got hit by a car and died right. Which I didn't initially realize until I watched some guy haul my body into his pickup and drive off. Which, being that it's deep in rural Michigan, I assume means my body will make some venison jerky and maybe some wall decoration, and I'll be resigned to being one of hundreds of deer ghosts floating around Saginaw, which is w/e. But then I find out the guy works at a taxidermy shop or something, and he's actually pretty good at stuffing and mounting deer carcasses, which I come to find out when I find myself face to face with my old body in the shop window. So naturally, I figure since ghosts need to possess something to interact with the living world and etc etc etc the most logical thing to do is to possess my own body, since it's basically a statue of myself. And a little surprisingly, it actually fits like a glove. Like, since it's my body, it feels like stepping right back into place. So I get out of town and back to my herd, eventually. And that's where the trouble starts coming into it, because after I get settled again, I don't know how to explain to everyone else what feels so weird. Like since I can move my body and do everything I used to do, it's functionally the same, like nothing happened. Or it SHOULD be, so I don't know how to explain how it's NOT. But it's just hard to explain it to someone who's never been hit by a truck I guess

[proudheron]

helpful graffiti appeared in my neighbourhood yesterday

[proudheron]

daikon radish wants to know your location.

[proudheron]

Black-crowned Night Heron (Nycticorax nycticorax) observation by eleggua

happy pride

[proudheron]

huge fan of when the good guys are themed on dark colors and spiky scrappy punk aesthetics and the bad guys are themed on light colors and angelic imagery and order. always such a banger.

[proudheron]

job offer accepted, 5 month un-them-ployment over. i feel nervous about working as a barista again but 2021 was a long time ago actually! i was a pretty serious alcoholic who didn't know how truly bad my dysphoria was. i was gradually starting to realise that i was no longer in control of my drinking but thinking about it scared me too much. the future started to feel foggy and dark blue instead of clear and shining. the job that i used to enjoy started to grate on me more and more. it didn't help that the café was super slow so i had a lot of time to stand motionless and think about alcohol and my body and alcohol and my body

this café is busy and i already have friends who work there, and in april i passed two and a half years since surgery and 15 months sober. the physical movements of the work will probably echo through my memory and bring up of all kinds of times where i was feeling wretched. but if i stick with it i can make a lot of new memories!

[proudheron]

reached a new level of my personal brand of dirtbaggery today by eating half a spicy salmon maki roll on my walk to the gym, strapping on an n95, setting a squat pr, and then eating the other half

[proudheron]

everyone in the world is either a democrat or a republican. everyone in the whole wide world is a democrat and a republican and america is the largest and most populous country in the world and america is easily the most culturally diverse country in the world because the middle class white people in my state (like a little country) are very different than the middle class white people over there (another little country, once more called a "state") and you could never understand how bad it is in america, the main country in the world. where are you from again? it's bad in america and america is bad but the way that america is run is the only way a country could possibly be run unfortunately. i don't like it but it's the only right way for a country to be run and you don't get it because the main victims of the main country are all here and you aren't. where are you from again? they never told me about that place. i don't think you get that real people live in america. probably because you're a republican. real people live in america and real people are hurt by america but what can you do? god said america has to be like this. god said this because god is real so god is american. you don't get it because you're over there and we're all here in america, the realest country in the world. where are you from again? how can you talk like this with what's happening in america? you're a democrat, right? where are you from again? my country is so large it stretches over yours and presses down hard. it's not my fault that they never told me about that place. my country covers the world. you don't understand how bad this will be for real people in the real world, the first world, the only world. they never told me—where in america are you from again?

[proudheron]

you ever wake up from a dream amd immediately think "well that was a bit heavyhanded"