psychedandcaffinated

[psychedandcaffinated]

I'm decomposing while keeping my composure

I never looked so pretty dyin' inside

[psychedandcaffinated]

I have this comforting memory

of coming home from my second grade class

in to a house filled with light

and fresh air

the smell of dinner on the stove

the hardwood floors warmed in the sun

relife from a week of hard work

(because, as you know, addition and spelling

is the bane of a seven year old)

when I'm with you I get the same taste

of that rare comfort

[psychedandcaffinated]

i'm trying to tell myself that

invested love is worth the cost

oh! but the cost

the cost

cost

cost

what is the sense in this expense

[psychedandcaffinated]

what it is it in me

so drawn to pursue those who flee

it is as if

my base instict

is to chase you into staying

saying I need you isn't saying enough

it wasn't my choice to love you

[psychedandcaffinated]

what is it in me

that aches and yearns for you?

why does loving you

bring me a pain

that is only soothed

when you are near?

is this merely obsession?

infatuation?

why do you consume my thoughts

and leave me with questions

I feel like only you can answer?

my love for you has thrust me

into a great unknowing

[psychedandcaffinated]

cold November thunderstorm

black birds splashed across grey clouds

dead leaves whipped to life in

breathless gusts of wind

dripping water I sit in the back of the city bus

two strangers and I clean our glasses

in a synchronized habit

foggy windows illuminated by the

red and green of traffic lights

bearing the storm

to go home

[psychedandcaffinated]

how is it

that you happily have me

throwing myself back into

the ocean of you

you'd think drowning in you

would teach me to not dive in

but I can't get enough of

the water in my lungs

and the silence of your love

[psychedandcaffinated]

sometimes I want to open the veins

of this gas peddle heart

adrenaline and emotion

locked in park

[psychedandcaffinated]

there is a strong desire within me to share my everything with you

[psychedandcaffinated]

I've got three

half-drunk water bottles

on my night stand and

they're all hers

she's a glass half-empty kinda girl

who'd feel bad for leaving "trash"

what I see, however,

is a reminder of someone who stayed

three nights with me

and got to drink some clean water

I leave the bottles here

hoping she'll have some more

[psychedandcaffinated]

and suddenly

every love song I never understood

made so much sense

when I realized they were all about you

[psychedandcaffinated]

this either ends in love or loss

the knowledge of this

traps me in limbo

to love is to be changed

and all I can commit to

is to bear the weight of my own suffering

for you

[psychedandcaffinated]

I can't wait on you

to want me

but you got me through the night

and into the morning light

why must you leave

when the sun comes up?

[psychedandcaffinated]

I am not designed for desire

[psychedandcaffinated]

Jesus Christ and Atlas

both called on

to bear the weight of the world

how is that fair

our own portions

are demanding enough to crush

any person

[psychedandcaffinated]

From Beth Purita's chapbook, Sunflowers and Thorns, available from Bottlecap Press!

[psychedandcaffinated]

oh! but there's a vicious

cruelty

in how you told me there was

nothing

between us

how I feel the weight of

nothing

in your absence

a suffocating lack of

something

look me in my eyes and tell me

this silence doesn't

scream