psychostrilondes - Tumblr blog

[psychostrilondes]

on the worst worst days, when he screams and curls in a ball somewhere huddled in between furniture and rocks and sobs and cant hear or talk, karkat squeezes him tight for an hour and rubs circles in his skin until his muscles relax and helps him take his medicine

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the first thing i was ever exposed to in terms of strilondes with psychosis headcanon was these fics where dave murdered everyone

makes me sigh

i still havent forgotten it and i havent gone back to hateread it once, i swear i only skimmed it once

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people always accept the offer to hang out if its any of them asking, especially if its worded oddly like they might be feeling not good

their friends are supportive and its lovely

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sometimes dirk stares at the wall for 8 hours imagining/hearing gulls and the wash of waves and just stares at people vacantly when they try to talk to him

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hi im back in black because i havent had a single delusional episode since last september hmmmmm but now im having them again so heres my coping mechanism

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does Dirk know that he is loved

Somewhat…

he prefers not to think about it.

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i just want a fic where dave is shirtless (+binder if you likey) cause hes getting breakfast in the early morning and hes exhausted and hes at the fridge and karkats already eating and karkat asks dave what all the scars on him are from

i want it i want it i want it so bad argh

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so im glad im getting down to thinking about john, and i think i get whats goin on with him?? yeah?? hes talkative, exciting, and hardly ever serious about anything, and serious discussions with him are weirdly lighthearted??

hed definitely have a different relationship with dirk than he does with dave even though those two are brothers, which he remarks upon jokingly :P dave is always chatting back, hes always 100% or 0%, but dirk is more weirdly stoic and more to the point? like, often, hes a really weirdly, solidly stable grounding point for john actually seeing how he can respond to entire rants with “yeah, that sounds right.” like????? hello dude!?!?!?!? strider = x, me = y, in which x + y = anecdotes about obama and stuff?? no??? yesno? but its kind of nice!!! he just wants someone to take his feelings serious. nobody really considers johns emotions as a serious matter, except for dirk, who seems to do that with everyone just by proxy :0 (except with himself :c)

he totally brings john back down to wherever he goes when he goes on ranting about whatever. dave would carry it out and they’d pal around about it, but dirk just gets him right to the point. well, how do you feel about it? bam. a half hour, sped up into four minutes. dirk appears amicable through the whole thing and nods his head once in thought in some anime-esque way every now and he seems (and is) totally happy to be a venting buddy, this works, yes, he is doing the Friendship

but dirk :( being the bub that he is, on bad days friendissues can throw dirk into a minor little episode :( remembering what hes done before. john just sort of gets the nodding ‘mhm’ go-ahead to start talking, but then when the friendissues part of the conversation is broached and when its been a couple minutes, dirk hasnt said a darn thing? and hes? just looking? somewhere? and john just kind of stops and looks over his shoulder to see what ever dirk’s gazing at, um, hello dude?? are you on derse again? you know how far we are from derse right now. we are all kinds of far. so far, that we’re like three years away from there. and dirk twitches his head towards him as if to say ‘yeah, im here’ and john is like ???????

he slump his shoulders and go, “what do you think about this stuff dirk?” like dirks never had to be prompted :( he totally already knows somethings going on even though dirk just frowns a little bit and says “i think its worth a shot? sorry bro, i have other stuff that needs to get done this morning” and he stands up, Escape button pushed, Emergency, i need Out, and john being john is like hey hey whoa dude .. and he looks all sad, and dirk is so not having that expression of pity or something or whatever i dont deserve pity for how stupid pathetic iam leave me alone go away get out i gotta go and john pats him on his shoulder and he flinches a little and says dude, you can talk to me about it yknow?? like im not amazing like you are at this stuff man, but, you shouldnt just go, keeping stuff secret, and stuf,,,,,

ugh, ugh its getting a lot worse since johns pressing him to speak :( dirk moves at least into the kitchen nearby to get himself a cup of water he doesnt want?? its kind of automatic,, and his hands dont shake at all, totally not, and there totally arent several mosquitos landing on his legs that he’s ignoring because they arent actually there, and he hears john say “hey dude, hey are you okay?” really, because like, dirk does Not look okay omfg, he is in full Remembering mode and his past wounds were just a little too raw to be verbally rubbed against like that, ugh, actually, dirk looks like hes gonna pass out :S, and john says this and meets him at the counter where hes sort of rooted in his almost panic attack omg omg

so he has one hand on dirks back, and the other hand on his phone and hes typing, and dirk isnt really able to process who hes typing to or why would he be typing on his phone instead of helping pull him out of this quicksand he’s sinking down into, and then john puts his phone away and tells him to just have some water :( and he rubs dirks back in a Polite manner, and ofc he twitches at the movement but tolerates it enough to not slap his hand off, and sips his stupid warm tap water, and his hand shakes the water in the cup, and he watches it, and he feels a little bit better, and while he drinks a sip or two or three john just tells him he texted rose since rose knows everything, and rose totally knew!! you seem better already, thats good, dude. here, bring the cup, lets go sit on your couch. and he pulls dirk lightly to the living room and dirk sets the cup down and sits leaning forward a little and staring at his thighs ugh everythings swimming and johns still here and why doesnt he hate me already im horrible stupid

:( but john just takes his hand, and its good, its cool, his skinny pianohands are warm, and john’s asking how he feels, and dirk tells him ‘not good’ and john says thats pretty clear to me but dont worry!! itll pass and youll feel better before you know it ok?? and then hes stroking dirks back again, except this time dirk kind of welcomes it, and omg, im dyin how cute... them sitting facing eachother, with john patting on dirks back, because the touches help ground him, and holding his hand in his other hand, omg, uGH

BUT ANYWAY after that, which this would be like the first time, john would be really good at helping dirk out when he starts to freak out!?!??! and he can learn from his mistakes like he cant be pressing dirk to talk to him when he doesnt feel up to it omg!!! and john can understand and learn that dirk only likes very light touches on his body, he hates being hugged, he haaaates it so bad when hes upset, so john always just holds his hands and its cool

so definitely yeah, john and dirk would have a lot quieter relationship than if it were john and dave ,, dirk is always so stoic and quiet and it brings out this more Tender side of john when hes gotta be Sonft, even though its still pretty mild hehe, but dirk appreciates it so dang much

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just haul all your shit on the roof and disassociate why not?

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i had to

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HI IM LIKE halfway out of an episode where everyones out to kill me and im not talking more than one word phrases and im hiding in bed and im convinced everyone hates me online and offline and theyre talking behind my back and nothings good and i simultaneously knew they were going to kill me bc im a mindreader?? idk i yeah idk where im going w this byE

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DAVE: i was actually like DAVE: trying to get your take ROSE: Take on what. DAVE: i dont even know DAVE: i bet john would have stuff to say DAVE: hes probably going through the same frozen fucking caveman from 2009 syndrome as me DAVE: actually what am i saying the dude is a caveman from 1997 DAVE: hahaha like he could give a shit as long as hes got his cage dvds ROSE: Oh! I saw him the other night DAVE: what hi i was playing the last openbound and i found this little bit and it was really cool :d like that thought i had that john and dave like to chat about just anything and theres never a moment of silence between them

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Even coolkids need hugs

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happens sometimes

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john helps dave to be a little more talkative when hes upset , maybe he cant really help it when dave is at his deepest and isnt saying anything but with the way john talks all conversationally and cheerfully about the heavy topics he helps dave to help him pull him out, and he can get dave back to speaking sentences in only a half hour, i mean how can you not respond to johns funniest metaphors with niceties?? 

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sorry i havent done dirkjohn or johndave yet?? im rly thinkin about it , how john would act as a Comforting person when he comforts, like i know hes super goofy and fun to talk to, and sometimes it can seem like hes not even capable of serious emotions even tho he definitely is!? like “more mature than he seems at first” is a good way id describe john :2

i think the best example i have to think of is the conversations with jade on the gold ship thing?? he seems more grown up in a way that he can point out problems, and, ive read one or two fanfics where dave and john had this way of figuring out problems that was sort of Unique to their broship, theyd sort of, shoot the shit lol, like talk about it in roundabout metaphors that leaves dave feeling oddly better afterwards even though they barely spoke in laymans terms at all in the conversation?

like maybe like, john would bring it up that dave’s been awful quiet in the last few days, somehow by asking if he would want to go with him and jake to this thingy later today, to which dave says no by saying theres some lasagna in the fridge that has his name on it, metaphorically, and the lasagna needs to be eaten, i mean someones got to do it, its been in there for like a week john :p so sorry, ive got plans,

and john would say that maybe this leftover lasagna needs to be aired out before its eaten?? dave its probably growing mold by now, being all in the fridge, ugh, listen, itd be good for you to get fresh air and stuff. cmon, start getting ready, youll like it

dave just kind of sits there as john walks away like, wow ... he really did not just give me a chance to even think up a comeback to say to him, geez, and dave just groans and plants his forehead on the kitchen table ugh, he guesses he maybe needed someone to shove him outta the house because hes honestly been indoors and only talking to karkat and john for like the last 3 or 4 days or however length of time he doesnt even know lol

OH OH and maybe when dave says some of his more worrying analogies like some dude on a mission to assassinate the president to explain how he Needs john to get him this one snack food, he’ll be his double best bro, for life, and then his analogy of an assassination quest gets to the part where his dude shoots the president and has to look away from the screaming and outburst (and dave’s got a grimace on his face to make this part poignant) to message his superiors that the deed is done so he can go back to his gang or mafia or whatever and be hailed as a hero, weirdly, that would be you john, you’ll be a hero dude,

and john would just kinda stand there like Huh, like thats a color off from dave’s usual banter?? um?? so he tells dave that he doesnt really feel like goin to jail, if it was up to him he’d leave the assassination job up to someone else. 

its totally his way of telling dave to keep this metaphor going and see what he can bring out and maybe parse of his mood?? and why hes even too lazy to run to the corner store to go buy sour gummies

so dave takes it further now that hes been asked, totally, and he tells john no yeah its cool i can take one for the team and go out by myself to go kill a guy of federal importance, no big deal, man i dont even know how i’d handle that, if the presidents visiting our town then there’d be the news following him by helicopter and stuff, and what if the news sees me? they’ve got tons of cameras i bet, channel 13 would catch allll of me doing the deed dude .. jail for sure.

and theyre really getting somewhere!!! dave doesnt want to go out because he feels really uncomfortable about it, being watched or something. so john offers to go out with him on this quest, and maybe substitute the gun for the sour gummie worms and substitute the president for a cashier guy, yessssss, he did it, him and dave go out to the corner store just fine :d

[psychostrilondes]