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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 08

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 24, 2025

Book 3: Dream of Country-boy Table of Contents: Introduction Chapter 01: 1996 Chapter 02: 1996-1997 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 43 Chapter 03 [1.] Hopes On Meeting Adam Maze Again A. Friendship Break Up B. How It All Stared Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 44 Chapter 03 Continue [2.] I Told You So A. Does Your Embarrassment Know No Bound? [3.] Wishing On A Grave A. Attendant Monitor Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 45 Chapter 03 Continue Mistake: B. History Versus Hollywood (From 2. I Told You So) A. Attendant Monitor (Continue) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 46 Chapter 03 Continue A. Attendant Monitor (Continue) B. 1998 School Picture Day Picture Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 47 Chapter 03 Continue B. 1998 School Picture Day Picture (Continue) C. High Grade And Track Runner Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 48 Chapter 03 Continue C. High Grade And Track Runner (Continue)

High Grade And Track Runner (Continue)

Continue where I left off.

Note: The word, "My" is to help me speak in third person as I'm writing.

[Flashback Begin]

A month after she transferred to my PE class, on October 31, 1998. Halloween.

Students are wearing Halloween costumes to PBMS campus. She wore a princess costume. She already have a very good looking face. So, the princess costume make her shockingly beautiful.

Either the school too dead to see it or no one care about beauty.

Coach Jose decided to make an announcement.

"Ok. It is Halloween day. No PE class exercise to celebrate Halloween.

I see there are many female students decided to wear princess costumes. Let show some Halloween spirits and make votes on those princess costumes. I'm going to point to each princess costumes. If you think it is the most beautiful princess costume, then raise your hand.

You may only raise your hand 1 time for 1 princess costume. The princess with the most votes is the most beautiful princess costume." Coach Jose announced.

After all the students have made their votes. Brenda's princess costume have the most votes.

Coach Jose is not a cheap con artist (thief or trickster).

I have done a lot to make up for being a poor country-boy.

While the class are giving Brenda praises for having the most beautiful princess costume. Applauding. And, taking picture of her. Coach Jose asked her, "Congratulations for having the most beautiful princess costume. A favor for the brothers. Or, just pretend I didn't mention it. I saw you made eye contact with Neng. But, Dominick's father is in charge of the school district. Who would you pick to be your lawyer, Neng or Dominick?"

Even though, it is just Halloween costume. Example: Mask. Costume. Acting. And, not real. But, we all know the poor country-boy have no chance of winning.

Yet, I still hope she would pick me.

It doesn't make much sense to me, so I started walking away from the PE class. As I'm walking away, somehow she pick me.

[Flashback End]

I have the top grade point average (GPA) among the students the same grade as me. I'm the top runner among the students in my PE class. In my PE class jogging exercise, I'm partnered with a good looking female classmate who have top GPA, track runner experience, and voted as the most beautiful princess costume on Halloween. I should have a little bit of happy memory.

But, I'm being tormented for bringing up what happen during this period of time.

I would argues that it is not worth it to humiliate myself and tormenting myself. Because I should able to have a little bit of happy memory.

I would picture Brenda very upset and ask me, "What did I do that is so wrong to you? Why you keep want me to leave the PBMS campus?"

Yet, I would try to memorize every little things she did whenever I get a chance to be around her.

The Period 7 class teacher is Dr. Waltz (I don't know her name.). She told the class that to have the Dr. suffix next to your name you are required to complete at least 7 years in college or University.

Period 7 is right after Lunch Break, so it is a perfect time to take a nap. Nevertheless, she would use a bottle of water and spray water at the students who are taking naps in her class.

Even though, I know Brenda is energetic all the time and won't take a nap in Dr. Waltz's class. But, me and her would give each other a look whenever we see students getting spray by water.

I would deny about falling asleep in Dr. Waltz's class. Example: Poor country-boy is very discouraged. Full of discouragement make a person don't have energy and fall asleep.

The argument is "Are really that stoic? Such as are you really enjoying the pains?"

One day, she no longer in PBMS campus.

To stop dwelling on "It is the pains or the confusions?". And, "I wish I had a picture of her."

So, I started daydream that Brenda is a movie star who came to a place that is too poor to make movie.

Because what happen is so hard to believe. Not able to talk about what happen is equivalent to I'm too confused/lost. And, not important. This mean no one care about what I say. So, it is hard for me to say, "Brenda was in the PBMS campus."

To stop thinking of her, I flip through the "San Diego Readers" magazine movie section, I cut out a picture of a movie star around Brenda's age.

No one care about what I say. So, who would care if I say that picture is Brenda. Coincidentally, that picture is a picture of Lindsey Lohan. (The picture show her face close up. Also, it is the poster of the movie, "Parent Trap".)

Because I safekeep that picture too long, there is the confusion that I like that picture. It don't make any sense. I decided to buried that picture somewhere and move on with my life.

Coach Jose made up the princess costume contest and asked that question. Without him, how would Brenda able to talk to me? This mean he helped me and her. That is how she able to talk to me. How much was our destiny for us to able to talk with each other and how much was we got helped for us to able to talk with each other?

"Toys R Us" toy store is at West Morena Boulevard. "Plaza Donut" donut shop is at Morena Boulevard. West Morena Boulevard and Morena Boulevard is next to each other.

Island (or road curb) separated the roads. One side of the road is going in a direction. The other side of the road is going the opposite direction.

There is an island on West Morena Boulevard in front of "Toys R Us". On the right of "Toy R Us", the island have extra cements that created a lump on the ground. That lump is about the size of 2 graves aligned vertically in a straight line.

There is a tragic car accident happen around that grave. The people who die in that car accident is buried in that grave. Anyone who step over that grave would be haunted by ghosts and have bad lucks.

But, while you bravely step over that grave and making a wish at the same time. Then, you are not haunted by ghosts. Instead, your wish have a higher chance of coming true.

Handle the Pressures By Myself: During that period of time, Gold Ring And Silver Bracelet Obligation. Kelly. 1998 School Picture Day Picture. Brenda. And, High Grades And Track Runner. Have created pressures in my life. I'm handling those pressures by myself.

Sharing the Pressures: I would argues that spending time with Kelly and Brenda. I wanted me, Kelly, and Brenda to handle the pressures together.

Making A Wish: Chun-Li's father got killed by the leader of the underground crime organization while he is on duty as a police office. Chun-Li became an International Interpol and having revenge on her father's death. If I have a girlfriend like Chun-Li, then me and my girlfriend could handle the pressures together. So, I hope to have a girlfriend like Chun-Li.

As I stepping over that grave, I would make a wish to have a girlfriend like Chun-Li.

The storage area around West Morena Boulevard is a very quiet and deserted environment. So, there is no one around. But, if someone did saw me, then from a distance what I'm doing might be strange to that person.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 49" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 09.

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ptts2023 · 2 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 07

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 23, 2025

1998 School Picture Day Picture (Continue)

Continue from where I left off.

A hour later, our family dinner begin. Our apartment is not that big. So, the dinning table only use for special occasions.

When it is meal time, my family would take out a wooden square box and place it in the living room. That is our dinning table. Me, Chung, Nghim, Bun, Lieng, Ho, and Du seated next to the dinning table.

"Father, I think my fever have went away." I told Chung.

Chung placed his hand on my forehead.

"Yes. The heat I felt on your forehead from before have cooldown. So, your fever did got better. Eat up, you would need your strength back. Your fever could still come back"

"Today is the last day for the carnival inside the PBMS campus. I thought since I'm feeling better, could you and mother take me to the carnival?"

"We thought your fever would make you have to lie on bed the whole day. I think able to eat dinner on the table is already very lucky. You might be too sick to go to the carnival." Ho concerned.

"Sometime it is the unthinkable that make the difference. Who would have guessed the inspiration and excitement from wanting to go to the carnival have uplifted your spirit and made your fever go away. Even though, it is hard to mix a little bit of fun with the world of pressures, but it seem this a little bit of fun would help you overcome your world of pressures.

Mon is still only 3 years old. So, you are the only family member having high grades at school. This mean you might be the first in the family to go to college or University. Your achievements at school bring wealth to the family. Me and your mother will take you to the carnival right after dinner." Chung said.

After dinner, Chung and Nghim took me to the carnival.

It doesn't take a student with high grades to see the following, Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies:

[Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies Begin]

The blames are Chung and Nghim are bad parents. So, their children are lost, misguided, and don't have a direction in life. As for their children, their children blaming them for being bad parents.

In addition, I didn't know that my fever is created by the world of pressures. And, got killed by the pressures and I'm buried in a grave. Carved on a grave, "The son that have high hopes."

[Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies End]

"My family is different than the Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies. It is not worth it getting kill by the world of pressures for no reason. The argument is I'm so busy study all the time. I don't know what is spending time with family and fun activities. So, I'm still at my apartment studying. The carnival is so far away. I have to stop dwelling on the concerns so much.

I will keep it at: Even though, my family barely have enough money to buy foods for the family. Yet, my parents still spending some money to take me the carnival." I thought to myself.

Inside the carnival, Chung bought me some Ride Tickets. He told me if I need more Ride Tickets, then he will buy more for me. After we walked around the carnival for a bit. I saw the Giant Slide ride.

"Father and mother, the Giant Slide ride look like very fun. I'm going to ride it." I told them.

"Okay, son. But, earlier today you had a fever. So, be careful." Chung replied.

My fever didn't went away. I'm just pretending, because I think my family is sad enough to have to deal with the adversities and bad lucks all the time. So, I don't want them to give up fighting against the adversities and bad lucks because of my fever.

After I rode the Giant Slide the first time. I step away from my parents and the crowd of people. I threw up in a trash can, because of my fever. Nobody saw me threw up. Then, I walked back to my parents.

"Father and mother, the Giant Slide is really fun. I could ride it all day. So, I'm going to ride it a few more times." I called over to them.

"Okay, son. But, don't forget about your fever." Chung replied.

"Be careful, son." Nghim replied.

After I rode the Giant Slide 5-6 times, I decided to try other activities. While I'm busy on the Giant Slide, Chung and Nghim have bought me a a bag of popcorn and a cotton candy. Chung handed me the bag of popcorn and Nghim handed me a cotton candy.

Those are delicious carnival treats. Even having fever I still want to eat them, but I decided to eat it later.

"Father and mother could you guys wrap up the popcorn and cotton candy and bring it home. I'll eat it later. I ate a lot during dinner." I told them. Then, I tore off a huge piece of cotton candy from the cotton candy while Nghim is still holding it.

My parents asked the popcorn stand for a paper bag. They put the cotton candy in the paper bag.

"Son, the last weeks of time watching you constantly studying so hard without leaving the study room much. Then, watching you coming down with a fever while study. We thought we were going to loose you. Glad to see you running around and having fun." Chung said.

"Father and mother, the carnival is so much fun. I'm glad you guys took me here. Also, I already calculate all the expanses we have spent in the carnival. I'll help us watch our family budgets/expanses." I replied.

It is hard to deny that coming to the carnival or having a little bit of fun helped me overcame the world of pressures.

"I'm not the sore loser or over competitive type of person who constantly studying non-stop and neglecting about everything else. I think it is more on my family having high hopes on me. The reason my family have high hopes on me is because they want to have a little of hope to help them fight against the adversities and bad lucks that keep happening to our family." I thought to myself.

I started having a flashback. The people at the PB beach is criticizing Jeremy for wearing flipper while riding the waves. "What is going on? No one see me. How did anyone saw me wearing flippers? Maybe people might see my older brother, Eddy. Because when I get older I'm going to be like him." Jeremy thought out loud.

I return from that flashback. Maybe it is true I'm the only person who saw Jeremy wearing flippers, because he was sitting next to me in the computer class. It is the same for me? No one see me. It is all in my head.

Computer and flipper are tools. If you know how to use them, then they could be very useful to you. But, to the beginner swimmer, swimming is already hard enough. Having problem with swimming would make swimming with flipper much harder.

The sooner I accept the adversities and bad lucks in my life. The better it will be for me and my family. Even if accepting mean that I have to say, "Yes. I don't have what it." Or, "Yes. I'm a total loser."

But, I owe it to the Empty Handed Combat league that made me became a champion. And, Adam Maze who have shown me friendship.

To practice some basketball, so one day I could tell Adam, "I know how to play basketball now." And, in secrecy study hard at school, so that one day I could say, "I talk to a girl before."

On February 1998, if you have a look at me, then you would understand why I said those things above. My school uniforms and PE clothes are handed down to me from my siblings. 2 times. Lieng handed down to Ho. Then, Ho handed down to me. School uniforms is okay, because I get to have multiple school uniforms. But, I only have 1 PE shirt and 1 PE short. The shirt is wore out, tore, and stained. A bit too small for me. Also, it is white color. You can't see the short as much as the shirt. Because it is blue color and it is below my waist. But, it is still a bit too small for me.

So, on February 1998, I told myself the following: "There is a fund crisis in my family, so my family can't buy me school uniforms and PE clothes. This mean my family definitely can't buy my school pictures."

So, during February 1998 School Picture Day, I wore my wore out, tore, and stained PE clothes. Also, too small for me. To take my picture.

The line coordinator and photographer would ask me, "Son, could you put on something else, it is picture day?"

"My family is having fund crisis, so my parents is not going to buy my school picture." I answered.

Coincidentally, despite I'm wearing wore out, tore, and stained PE clothes. Also, too small for me. But, that school picture is my most good looking picture. So, I was able to convinced my parents to buy a package of that picture. (1 12" by 8" and 4 3" by 2")

After that School Picture Day, I told myself to suck it up. And, don't give up on myself.

Despite Steve upside-down history. Between me and him. He could talk with girls. He have girlfriend. And, he go to the PBMS dance regularly.

So, suck it up and tell him to help me out. By introduce me to the school dances and talking with girls. School dances first.

I should know him by now. He is constantly looking for an opportunity to make fun of me. This mean he is not going to let this one go. So, I need to come up with a plan. And, a backup plan just in case.

Jack making fun of himself by doing strip dancing in front of the class. By taking off his clothes. Then, touching his nipples. The thick skin and embarrassment have no limit. Steve's jokes is at the same level as Jack's jokes. But, if I'm with Steve, then he would drag me into his jokes by making fun of me.

This mean asking him for help could become he is making fun of me. That is why I need to suck it up and ask him for help.

But, there is a small problem. My plan and backup plan could only help me. There could be bystanders getting hurt.

I didn't intended for the bystanders to get hurt. I really need to suck it up and ask him for help.

The plan is I would give him an extra donut for a whole week.

The backup plan is it is my class's extra credit to go to the school dance.

One day, I decided to talk about the school dance with him.

"Steve, I heard you and your sister, April go to the school dance regularly. I was just thinking maybe if I could tag along with you both.

Anyway, you were saying about 1 donut a day is not enough. I mean you did told me you would buy donut from me like the other students. But, since we are friend and hang out all the time. So, most of the time, I don't charge you money on the first donut I gave you. I would give you an extra donut a day for a week if you take me to the school dance with you."

"It is the school dance. It is suppose to be a time to have fun. You don't have to feel nervous about it. So, me and April don't mind if you want to come along with us."

"Are you sure about this? Do you want to check with April first?"

"Just relax and have a good time at the dance. April don't mind you coming along with us."

"What should I wear to the dance?"

"You could wear anything former to the dance. Wearing the school uniform is okay also."

"Where should we meet up?"

"On the steps close to the cafeteria. Just relax and have fun."

"You already told me to just relax and have fun 2 times. I think I get it."

"This is going to be something. Neng, first dance."

"Come on. Be serious. I'm giving you an extra donut a day for a week."

"Alright, alright. If you feel nervous. Then, you don't have to dance. Just stand to the side of the dance floor."

"I really appreciate that you and April are taking me with you guys to the dance."

Me and him shook hand.

In my apartment, I started having thoughts about the dance.

"This might be a chance for me to not give us on myself. More or less, if the dance go well and Steve and April would take me with them whenever they are going to the school dance. Then, I would have a good chance of talking to a girl at the dance. Or, Steve or April would introduce me to a girl at the dance. First thing first. What am I going to wear to the dance? Who is going to teach me the basic of dancing, Steve or April?

I think I have told myself to relax and not feel nervous many times. Because during PE class, when Steve is making fun of me in front of the class. I would fight back and put him in a headlock.

But, the school dance is not the PE class. I'm not going to take any chances. So, the backup plan is if I felt that Steve is going to make fun of me, then I would leave the dance. I would explained to Steve and April the next day that the school dance was an extra credit for my class. So, I think I'm okay without the extra credits that is why I left the dance." I thought to myself.

My parents don't often buy me new clothes. But, my parents did bought me a collar shirt and pant for special occasions. I either wear my school uniform or I wear that special occasion clothes. So, I decided to wear the special occasion clothes.

After I waited for about 5-10 minutes at the meet up spot, Steve show up by himself.

"Where April?" I asked him.

"She will meet up with us during the dance. Look at you. All dress up for the dance."

"Come on, Steve. Be serious. If you are joking around with me, then going to the dance is a bad idea. I don't need to go to the dance. You and April could continue going to the dance, regularly."

"I mean seriously look at you. Didn't I told you you could wear your school uniform to the dance?"

"Alright, alright. The dance is starting in a few minutes. I can't go back to my apartment and change my clothes."

"You will stand out wearing those clothes."

"So far I haven't felt that you are not making it easier for me to go to the dance with you and April. What I'm trying to say is I'm feeling awkwardness about the dance."

"Come on. It is obvious. I'm not going to say help me out. As for Steve, I have stop him from making fun of me in front of the class every time. Most of the time, I would put him in a headlock. Putting him in a headlock look like I'm making fun of him. So, it look like I been making fun of him. What if he used this opportunity to make fun of me?" I thought to myself.

"Here is the plan. I would take you to the take dance floor. Then, I'm going to look for April. Then, me, you, and April would meet up at the dance floor." He told me his plan.

"Steve and Manuel ran away from fighting against Marlin after they agree that they would help me fight against Marlin. Now, it is his revenge, because he is going to make me as the coward who ran away from the dance. I should see this coming. Yet, I thought because me and him are friend and been hanging out, he might introduce me to the school dance." I thought to myself.

I gave him a look. "Should I put him in a headlock right now. Because at the dance floor, I can't put him in a headlock." I thought to myself.

"Well, what you think about my plan?" He asked me.

"Just do me a favor. When this is over. I would appreciate it if you don't talk too much about it like your regular talks." I answered.

"So much for the introductory." I thought to myself.

"Yeah, like I would let this one go." He replied.

"For starter. Let get to the dance. Before I get blamed for making you and April late to the dance."

When we got to the dance floor. He quickly point out some of the things I should know about the dance floor. Then, he went to look for April.

I could hear the loud music on the background. "Brass Monkey - Beastie Boys" and "Sabotage - Beastie Boys"

The students are wearing school uniforms and regular clothes.

A student came up to me. "I like the Beastie Boys songs. Are you a fan of the Beastie Boys?" Male Teenager1 asked me.

"The dance barely started. I'm going to chill for a minute. And, grab myself a fruit punch drink at the beverage stand. So, excuse me." I answered.

It is not really a beverage stand. It is just a container filled with fruit punch beverage. I grab a cup and I got a cup of fruit punch from the container. When I saw Steve and April from a distance. I hurried drank it and toss that emptied cup into the trash can.

When they got next to me. April is with an ugly special education female student. Then, April told me to dance with that ugly special education female student.

I'm shocked at what is going on.

"Hey you! Over there." I called out to Male Teenager1.

"I'm going to check what is up with that guy. I'll meet up with you guys." I said in a hurry. Then, I hurried away from them. When Steve and April are out of my sight, I used the back door and got out of the dance floor.

Just as I have predicted. Steve got his revenge. He made me ran away from the dance. That person April is with is a bystander. I didn't intended to hurt that bystander by criticized her as ugly. Because I don't even know her. Like I was saying, my plan and backup could only help me. I didn't intended to hurt any bystander.

Yet, deep down, I'm still not ready to give up on myself. This mean I'm looking for opportunity to make up for happen at the school dance.

One Saturday morning, as usual, me and Steve would hang out at the Crown Point park basketball court and play basketball.

On a pole, I saw a 3-on-3 Basketball League flyer.

"Hey check this out! According to this flyer. In months of time, this whole park going to be 3-on-3 basketball league competition." I called out to him.

"Yeah. No kidding. They posted up that flyer all over the whole park."

He picked up one of the flyers on the ground. Then, he crumbled up into a ball. And, he shoot into the trash can.

"He shoot and he score."

"This is it. My redemption for the school dance incident. I'll put together a team and redeem myself." I thought to myself.

"So, what are we suppose to do during the 3-on-3 basketball league season, when the whole park is occupied? Going back to CPES campus basketball court?" I thought out loud.

"We could check it out." He suggested.

"I'll check it out for sure." I mumbled. Then, I picked up a flyer on the ground.

Later on, I followed the direction on that flyer and went Online to the 3-on-3 basketball league website. I printed out 6 application forms. I only need 5. I printed 1 extra just in case.

The following are the league rules:

[Rules Begin]

Each team need 4 players. 3 players will be in a half basketball court playing against their opponent team (3 players). 1 player will be in the bench.

Each team may call out 5 time out in each game. Each time out have to be 3 minutes or less. Each team may only have 3 switches. The switch is switching the player in the game for the player in the bench. Also, the switch could only be done during a time out call.

Only the team captain (or team manager) could call out the time out. Also, in each game, the team captain have to check in with the sign-in coordinator. Talk with the ref. And, talk with the opponent team's team captain.

The cost is each player have to pay a $20 fee. When you pay the $20, you get a free 3-on-3 basketball league T-Shirt.

[Rules End]

My friend, Rubin Compos would read those rules to me. He is at a higher English Reading level than me. In our circle of friends, Rubin know more about the official basketball rules than the other students. Example: Even though, we play basketball all the time. But, the argument is our basketball games is different than the official basketball games.

Then, Rubin would read all the requirement written on the application form to me on how to put together a team.

"Rubin, you are meant to be our team, team captain." I told him.

"Have you watched a NBA league basketball game before?" He asked me.

"What you mean?"

"Slam Dunk. Shouting. Attitude. There are times even fights break out in the court."

He would do a lion roar sound and make himself look like he is out of control.

"You have to be mean. Or, toss those application forms into the trash can."

"Does this mean you will be our team captain?"

He slapped those application forms out of my hands.

"First you have to be mean."

I didn't say anything back. And, pick up those application forms that got knocked out of my hands.

"Like sheeps to the slaughters. What is the point of playing when we know we are going to get slaughtered?"

"The sheep that got confused as a lion. Forget it." I mumbled. Then, pick up all the application forms on the ground.

I walked over to the trash can. As I about toss those forms into the trash can, I stopped myself.

"What a waste of papers." I mumbled. Then, I puts those forms into my backpack.

The next day, on the Lunch Break, me, Rubin, and 3 other students is in the same team. Against a team of 5 other students.

I scored around 30 points. Rubin scored around 15 points. The opponent team scored 0 point.

Rubin gave me a high five.

"Are you changing your mind about the team captain?"

He started roaring like a roar. He knocked an opponent team blocker to the ground. Then, he scored the point.

He started roaring again.

He step in front of an opponent team player. And, shouted at that player's face. "You all got nothing on me!"

Then, he started taunting all the players in the opponent team.

"You guys score 0 point! How pathetic is that!" He taunted all those players.

I shook my head and started walking away from him. He hurried over to me.

"Neng, like I was saying you have to be mean. Come on hit me." He taunted me. He got into a boxing stand by putting his fists in front of him and taunting me to hit.

"Cut it out, Rubin. I think you already did a lot of taunting. The crowd of students is watching you."

He made a few punches at me. I dodged and blocked those punches.

"Come on, the crowd of students is watching. Punch me back."

I think his joke is getting a bit out of hand. Then, all of a sudden, he landed a punch on my face.

"Yeah! Did you guys see that! That is how you fight!" He said to the crowd of students.

I put him in a headlock.

All of a sudden, the crowd of students gathered up around us.

He struggling very hard to get out of the headlock. He backed into the metal fence. So, my body would hit against the metal fence.

"Don't make put more pressure into the headlock. Say uncle. And, I'll let you go."

He used his hand to tap the metal fence multiple times. At the same time, he would said, "Uncle... uncle..."

I let go of him. And, started walking away from him.

"Now for sure he doesn't want to be the team captain." I thought to myself.

But, the next day, he told he be the team captain.

I would argues that because I been playing basketball with Steve every Saturday, so I know how to play basketball. But, because I'm only 13 years old, so I don't have the powers and connections to know what is going on. As for Rubin, he think you have to be mean.

In addition, I think he could talk to the sign-in coordinators, refs, parents, and team captains.

The other 2 players are Steve Decker and Manuel Delgado.

The argument is to put together the 4 players team, I have sold my soul to the devil. Because I don't care about the criticism that I don't have what it take to put together a team.

In addition, a person who have sold his soul to the devil is a soulless person. An embarrassed person who have no place in the society.

But, I have a circle of friends. And, I have a place in the PBMS campus.

All of a sudden, while Mario Sanchez is playing a soccer game in the basketball court. He kicked the basketball at me. The basketball hit my lung. And, knocked the oxygen out of my lung.

I fell to the ground holding my stomach. Many students gathered around. Then, Mario picked me up from the ground.

"After me and Mario Sanchez hang out in my 1997 Birthday Party, I felt like I haven't seen him in the PBMS campus. Right now, he is picking me up from the ground." I thought to myself.

"I'm okay." I told him. Then, me and him gave each other a hug like in the past.

Maybe this is how selling your soul to the devil feel like.

High Grade And Track Runner

After the 3-on-3 basketball league, I see that the life on PBMS campus is very confusing. Not important. And, nobody care about it.

After I redeemed myself in the 3-on-3 basketball league, I decided to use a portion of my fund and bought myself a brand new PE shirt and PE short.

Even though, it is just regular PE clothes, but it felt more than just wearing regular PE clothes.

I would look at my February 1998 School Picture Day picture again. I'm wearing my worst clothes. But, that picture is my most good looking picture.

In addition, in an International Auction House, because I like the "Darkstalkers 3" Cover Art so much, would I trade my February 1998 School Picture (12" by 8") for the original painting of the "Darkstalkers 3" Cover Art? I like both pictures. But, the picture of me is me. The picture of "Darkstalkers 3" is a picture that able to express the sadness in my life. So, how important am I or am I just a good looking face? As for "Darkstalkers 3", won't I help myself first? Also, how many official printing of "Darkstalkers 3" Cover Art have printed out?

"Even though, it was a hectic experience. But, I didn't gave up on myself. So, I didn't disappointed myself for having a natural good looking face." I thought to myself.

Coincidentally, around September 1998, Brenda transferred to PBMS campus. She is in my PE class and Period 7 class. She also have a very good looking face.

One good looking face already created all that hectic experience.

Me and her would make eye contact before the role-call. That eye contact is equivalent to we know that we have the most good looking faces in our class. But, who else care about it?

"I couldn't even tell anyone I talked with Kelly before. I probably won't have a chance to go to the school dance again. As for Brenda, maybe this time if I study hard enough, I won't have time to feel sad. Or, thinking about her." I thought to myself.

Yet, during each PE class meets, me and her made eye contact at least 1 time.

I would make sure the students won't copy Steve and try to make fun of me in front of the classroom. So, I would show those the students Empty Handed Combat moves.

I would argues in Brenda's eye me and those students are still children playing around. But, it is better than those students making fun of me in front of the classroom in front of Brenda.

Even though, I vibe the following argument: Brenda is in the same class as me have created pressures in my life. But, I'm glad she is in my class.

It is like I could tell there will only be bad ending. And, sad memories. Yet, there are thoughts that I will go beyond making eye contact with her.

The argument is she will make the first move, so I could stop feeling sorry for myself.

After I finish first multiple times on the jogging exercise, she asked if I want to be her jogging partner.

The jogging exercise with her is like a very sad movie. A long the way on the track, I constantly making sure we both have a steady pace. At the same time, I'm tackling and throwing Steve and the other students to the ground. Also, making sure me and her doesn't fall behind on the track.

"I would make the first move... fill in the blank."

The sadness make me just want to focus on high grades and track runner by studying hard and have no time to feel sad.

I usually don't share my grade report cards with anyone in the Period 7 class. Period 7 class is the class that you get your grade report cards during the end of each grading period. When she is in my Period 7 class, I would make sure to don't share my grade report cards even more.

To do so I step away from the class or step out of the classroom during sharing grade report cards.

I would deny that I'm daydreaming about having constructive talks with her.

One day, she step away from the class and sat next to me during sharing grade report cards.

"You just can't beat the pressures. My method is I don't look at my grade report card and jam it into my backpack." I thought to myself.

"Could I see your grade report card?" She asked me.

I took my report card out of my backpack and handed to her.

"Could I see your grade report card?" I asked her.

She handed her report card to me.

After we look through each other report cards, we handed back to each other.

"High five for having good grades, I guess." I mumbled.

Me and her gave each other a high five.

"I was thinking of saying something funny like what if all the classes is like the PE class. But, seriously would I have made the first move if I could?" I mumbled.

"You might feel crappy about everything. But, I think it is okay if we both appreciate our good grades."

"For what it is worth: When you just transferred into the PE class, I was hoping I was the first person you made eye contact with.

You are right about feeling crappy about everything. Yet, I was hoping that we could go beyond making eye contact. I don't know if that make any sense."

"For what it is worth: You might not noticed. When you were busy with your problems on the jogging exercise. I did wanted to tell you I would wait for you."

"How could I noticed? I already feel crappy about everything. Letting you wait for me I would feel even more crappy about everything."

"It is a nice chat. I have to get back."

"Yeah. Off course."

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 48" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 08.

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ptts2023 · 4 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 06

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 21, 2025

Attendant Monitor (Continue)

Continue where I left off.

He out a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard out of refrigerator and place on the table.

"On the package of the hotdog meat. There is the description it is fully cooked. He only boiled those hotdog meat in a pot of hot water for some minutes. This mean I could make myself some hotdog too at my apartment." I thought to myself.

"I'm okay. I'll eat the hotdog plain without ketchup and mustard." I told him.

After we finish eating the hotdog. He told me the video game titles that we could together.

"I played "Street Fighter" before. It is developed by Capcom. The "Marvel Super Heroes" is developed by Capcom also. We could play that. Also, I been wanting to played "Marvel Super Heroes" on the Arcades. But, I'm on a saving plan, so I want to hang onto my quarters."

"Okay. So, we'll play the "Marvel Super Heroes."

I remember the character, Dhalsim in "Street Fighter". His Yoga fighting style able him to stretch out his arms and legs. The longer arms and legs give him an advantage in the fight.

There is a Marvel Comics character, "Omega Red" Arkady Rossovich in "Marvel Super Heroes" is like Dhalsim.

His mutant power (ability) is he use the tentacles coming out of his arms to attack his opponent. The tentacles is like he have longer arms like Dhalsim.

So, I selected Omega Red as my character in the game against him.

Omega Red's Hyper Move (Most Powerful Move) is he unleashed many tentacles out of his body. Those tentacles could hit everything around him. There is no escape from this move. You have to block it or attack him before he use it.

Omega Red would said, "Omega Destroyer!". Then, he unleashed his Hyper Move.

I'm here to make sure Charles is okay, so I didn't track which character he select. He selected multiple characters. I stay with Omega Red the whole time. Even though, I didn't intended to track of the score. But, I won more than I lost.

After about 20-30 minutes playing "Marvel Super Heroes", his parents return back to his house. I had a quick talk with his parents.

"This is Neng. My friend from school." Charles introduced me to his parents.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Washington. Charles invited me over to play some video game. Also, he made me a hotdog." I greeted his parents.

His parents greeted me back. And, told me and Charles that we could continue with the hanging out.

"Neng is leaving. I'm walking him out." He would told his parents. Then, he walked with me to the front door.

Outside of his house. At the doormat, I told him the following: "Your parents is okay with us sneaking in the house through the backyard without the house key?" I asked him.

"I'm going to explain to them about getting into our house without the key. Anyway, today is a nice hang out. I had fun." He replied.

"Him, his eye, and his parents all seem okay." I thought to myself.

"Okay, I should be on my way." I told him.

Me and him shook hand. After the handshake, I started walking to the sidewalk in front of his house.

I walked about 6 yards and got to the sidewalk

"Hello, Kelly." Charles greeted Kelly at his doormat. After she greeted him back, he went back inside his house.

"Why would Kelly be here?" I thought to myself. Then, I looked over to where Kelly is at.

"Is it her." I thought to myself.

What are the chances for this coincidence to happen?

"I thought maybe she is different. She might give me a chance. A lot of students in PBMS campus saw that I didn't gave Marlin and Charles a chance in the fights.

I would argues that Kelly didn't saw those fights, so she didn't know about it. Now she knew.

That is what I wanted to ask her about all those times I was talking with her. Is it possible for her to give me a chance? But, each time when I try to hint that question to her it seem like I purposely trying ruin our talks.

She would ask me, "Does the chicken come first or the egg come first?"

It is never easy for me to get over it." I thought to myself.

"Hello, Kelly." I greeted her.

I forgot her friend's name. So, I'm going to create a name for her friend. Trish.

"Hi, Neng. This is Trish. Me and Trish going to hang out for bit. I have to babysit Brian today. So, could you help me babysit him while I'm away?" She asked me.

I looked over to Trish and Brian. This is the first time I'm seeing Trish and Brian.

"Look like you and Trish is in a hurry. So, I'm not going to talk with you both. As for Brian, I'm already here. I could babysit him for you." I answered.

"Okay." Kelly said to me.

"Nice meeting you, Neng." Trish said to me.

"Nice meeting you, too." I replied.

Kelly and Trish rode their bicycles away from me and him.

"Neng, I'll see you at school." She said at a far distance.

"When Kelly babysit you, what activities she usually do with you?" I asked him.

"There is a basketball court close by. Could we play some basketball?" He asked me.

"Okay. Lead the way. Tell me more about the houses around here. I don't come often to Kelly's house."

"The houses around here is like a small community. The residents in this small community have their own custom. Example: Our small community have a private basketball court, tennis court, and equipment room."

"I'm happy for you and Kelly to able to live in a nice community."

"To a person who is looking for a direction in life. It is like a fairy tale." I thought to myself.

We got to the equipment room. At the equipment room, we check out a basketball. The equipment room is like right at the entrance of the basketball court.

I open the gate and we entered the basketball court. The sidewalks, grass on the yards, the houses, equipment room, and basketball court. Are tidy and clean.

"I'll be the rebound guy. Try to make it around the world." I told him. I passed the ball to him.

He started shooting basketball into the hoop. I would rebound the ball and pass it to him.

"Usually around the world included the 3 points shots. But, today our around the world don't need to score the 3 points shots."

I pointed to the spots that he need to stand at to shoot the hoop. Also, around the world is a common shooting hoop game.

While he is shooting hoop and I'm doing the rebound. We had quick chat.

After about 15-20 minutes, I looked at my watch. It is around 6:30 PM.

"Okay, 5 more shots. I have to return to my apartment soon."

After he done with the 5 shots. He asked me to sees me shoot a few shots. So, I shot a few hoops. Coincidentally, I made 3/3.

"I'm not as good as Adam. But, I could shoot." I thought to myself.

Me and him started walking back to his house. He is leading the way. Then, he pointed out to me the house he live in.

"Want to come in my house to check out my video game collection?" He asked me.

"Sorry. I need to return to my apartment. Beside, your parents is back. I just saw them through the window. Anyway, I have to check with Kelly. If I'm coming back or not. So, I probably not going to see your video game collection."

"What about the "Resident Evil 2: Extreme Battle" Edition?"

"Somehow the talks of me holding the record of having the best grade on passing the scenario and having the fastest time on passing the scenario in "Resident Evil 2" have spread around the PBMS campus. In addition, me and Brian got into talk about video game during the shooting hoop. He wanted to trade his "Resident Evil 2: Extreme Battle" for my "Resident Evil 2" (Regular Edition). As his way of thanking me for playing basketball with him." I thought to myself.

"Could you be here at 6:00 PM tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"I'll make the trade. Only if you accept me throwing in $5 in the trade."

"Yes."

The next day, at 6:00 PM. Me and him went the basketball court and shoot hoops for about 15-20 minutes. Then, I gave him "Resident Evil 2" and $5 for his "Resident Evil 2: Extreme Battle".

A world that could only existed as dreams to some people.

In reality, I'm only spend 6 weeks with Kelly. During the first week, I feel like I annoyed her. She couldn't stand being around me.

Marlin and Charles are African-American. Did you gave them a chance in your fights? Kelly gave me more chance than I gave Marlin and Charles.

Inside my apartment, my mother, Sok Nghim Hoi asking me, "Neng, did something happen to you? The last 2 days you seem a bit different."

"I remember you told me and the other about your employment training program. Do you think there is a training program for people to live in a different community?" I asked her.

"Why all of a sudden you are having talk about living in a different community?"

"Never mind. I'm probably just stress out about translating the school forms. I barely have enough time to do my homework and school assignments. Because you and father wanted me translate the school forms, too. So, I'm stress out about it."

The next day, I went to the administration office and I changed the Attendant Monitor class to a computer class.

Inside computer class, Jeremy asked me to sit next to him.

"Maya, Tina, Daisy, Jeremy, and so on seem to know a lot about me. But, ... fill in the blank." I thought to myself.

"Jeremy, I know you are good at using computer. That is why I agree to sit next to you." I told him.

"We already knew who will be good at using computer. Just like I expected you and me would be sitting next to each other."

"For a second. I really thought I might know the Attendant Monitor responsibilities and duties." I thought to myself.

1998 School Picture Day Picture

My father is right about everything. Steve. Kelly. School. And, so on. On top of that, he gave me the gold ring and silver bracelet to remind.

Yet, why does I feel so sad I have a father that know everything?

On February 1998, On the cover of "Darkstalkers 3", Morrigan Aensland is embracing a rotten corpse in her hands by holding the face of that rotten corpse next to her face. Looking at the video game replay value (fun factor), "Darkstalkers" series is not as fun as other video games. But, I really like that "Darkstalkers 3" cover art work.

I would argues that my sadness going to make me becomes like that art work. So, it is an expression of sadness. This mean I'm feeling sad.

My parents, Chung and Nghim woke me from my sleep.

"Son, how are you feeling?" Chung asked.

"I need to get back to my study." I answered.

"Yes, dear, study is important. But, you are having a fever. You need to rest a bit." Nghim concerned.

Chung placed his hand on my forehead.

"Your mother is right. You coming down with a fever. I could feel the heat in your forehead. Dinner is coming up in a hour. I'll cook you something you like to eat to help make your fever go away."

"Keep study hard... keep study hard... I thought if I study hard enough, I don't have time to feel sad. In addition, I been study so much on the last pass weeks inside my apartment, so I don't know it is daytime or nighttime outside." I thought to myself.

"I'm going to step outside for some fresh air." I told them.

I step outside. I stood at the balcony of my apartment. I could feel the gentle soothing of the sunlight on my skin.

"It is true education could give me a better life. But, look at me and look at my parent's concerns. It is like I have forgot about how to live. The meaning of living. I'm going to get better and I will appreciate the meaning of living more than before." I thought to myself.

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 47" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 07.

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ptts2023 · 5 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE ANNOUNCEMENT 05

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 20, 2025

History Versus Hollywood

Note: I made a small mistake. "History Versus Hollywood" is before "Attendant Monitor".

From looking at "Does Your Embarrassment Know No Bound?", the argument is without my older brother, Ho. Ho's friends. And, my circle of friends protecting me. I would have got beat up. And, became the biggest loser in the school. I won't able to stop Dominick Labady from humiliating and beating up Steve. Me and Steve would become the biggest losers in the school.

In addition, the argument would continue by arguing that Ho flunked a year. By going from ninth grade to eighth grade. So, that he and his friends could continue to protect me

I would argues back. "I didn't promise anyone that the Empty Handed Combat league would bring them fortune and fame. But, me and the combat regulators would try to regulate it so that the person in the fight would have a fighting chance."

What I wanted to say is my situation is I could only beg for mercy. I can't expect a fair fight or winning my fight.

Being the star basketball player in the basketball games have earned me respects. The respects have gave me leadership.

Unintended, Ho is 2 grade higher than me, but he is another of my friends (bodyguard or man power). This mean he is following my leadership. But, because he is my older brother. Mean that I have to follow his leadership.

Yet, at that point of time, me, my friends, Ho, and Ho's friends combined powers is the greatest power in the PBMS campus among the students. So, our combined power have made it hard for the students to create problems against our combined power. Also, it able us to overcame the criticisms against us.

This mean at that point of time, me and Ho brotherhood bond is still very strong. But, because I'm 13 years old and he is 15 years old. So, we still consider as children/minority (teenager). The children and adults have different roles in the society. Back to what I wrote above, "My situation is I could only beg for mercy. I can't expect a fair fight or winning my fight."

Coincidentally, Ho wasn't the only person who flunked a year. Marlin also flunked a year. This mean Ho and Marlin are the only 2 ninth graders who flunked to eighth graders. As for me, I'm a seveth grader.

Marlin is an African-American. I'm 5' 09" and I consider as taller than most of the students same grade as me. This mean most seventh graders are below 5' 09". He is 6' 00", so he is taller than most students. Also, he flunked 1 grade made him taller and bigger than most students who are lower grade than him.

The talks are he is a bully, because he is creating problems to the students and picking fights with the students. Because he is taller and bigger than most of the students, so the students afraid to fight back againt him. As for our combined power, because of our combined power, so I only heard those talks about him. He didn't came in the basketball court me and my friends are in and create problems to me and my friends.

One day, there are 5 minutes left before Lunch Break is over. I started going around the PE grounds and basketball courts to pick up the balls and return it back to the bag. From a distance, I saw Ho and Marlin is about to get in a fight. So, I placed the bag of balls on the ground. I hurried over to the fight.

Then, I saw Ho slip on the some sands on the ground. And, fell to the ground. Marlin laughed at him. For falling to the ground when the fight still haven't begin.

Then, the Lunch Break bell rang to signal the end of Lunch Break. Ho got up from the ground and left the area.

I went up to Steve Decker and Manuel Delgado.

"Marlin been creating problems to the PE grounds. Ho fell on the ground is an accident. This is our chance to redeem Ho's accident and tell Marlin that we able to beat him. So, he won't create problems to us. If we don't fight him, then he going to bully us like he bully the other students. There are 3 of us. He is by himself. 3 Versus 1, we could beat him." I told Steve and Manuel.

"Okay." Steve agree with my plan.

"Okay." Manuel agree with my plan.

"I go in first. You 2 come in the fight and help me out." I told them.

"Hey Marlin, come in the basketball court if you want a fight." I called out to Marlin.

As Marlin walk into the basketball court, Steve and Manuel back away from me and got out of the basketball court.

"So much for the circle of friends. Look like I have to fight Marlin one-on-one." I thought to myself.

Me and Marlin started walking toward each other. At the same time, many students started gathering around the basketball court. And, shouting out to me, "Go Neng, you could beat him!"

Then, while those students are cheering, "Fight… Fight… Fight…" At the same time, they are rattling the metal fencing in excitement. The excitement seem like anger.

Momentary, Steve and Manuel from a distance tossed basketballs at Marlin. Then, they ran out of the basketball court.

The tossing basketballs didn't hurt Marlin. Only distracted him for a few seconds.

When me and Marlin walked until we are about 3 feet away from each other. We paused for 1-2 second(s) to have a look at each other. Then, we begin the fight. By exchanging punches.

Marlin was trying to punch my face. But, I dodged my face down, so his punches landed on my head.

Because my face is dodge down. So, it is harder for me to see in front of me. So, I aimed my punches on his body. I landed multiple punches on his body.

After I landed about 5-6 punches on his body, he started running away from me. I started chasing after him. He ran out of the basketball court. Then, he ran passed the building of the boy locker room. I'm chasing right behind him the whole time. After he ran passed the PE grounds behind the boy locker room, he entered the classroom building. When he entered the classroom building, I stopped the chase.

The crowd of students have followed me and Marlin. That crowd is many yards away behind me. "Neng... Neng... Neng..." That crowd of students cheered my name.

As I'm walking toward that crowd, they step back to create a path for me to walk through them.

Then, a few students gave me compliments. "Great fight, Neng." "That was an awesome fight, Neng."

I touched my head. I could feel bumps on my head. Those bumps are swollen from Marlin's punches. What happen if those punches landed on my face instead of my head? He would have mess up my face. I would have bruises and swollen on my face.

If I didn't dodge my face down in time, then I would have lost that fight. He did landed 2 (approximation) punches on my body, but those 2 punches are not as hard as those first multiple punches he landed on my head. A fight is not just attacking. You have to know how to defense yourself also.

I put it at: Because of my winning streak in the Empty Handed Combat league in CPES campus. So, I have enough skill and experience to fight against Marlin.

Attendant Monitor (Continue)

Continue where I left off.

Me and her entered the classroom buildings.

"It is much better than our thoughts. Your thoughts and my thoughts. But, it doesn't mean me and you didn't spotted that person from the far distance." She told me.

"Between me and Steve. He either with his sister, April. Or, with his girlfriend. So, I thought he is the one who is better at courting girl. He probably would introduce a girlfriend to me someday. But, I'm having doubts.

I have been able to talk my way out of a lot of situations. But, Kelly knows I'm talking because I'm nervous. And, she think I could talk to her without being nervous." I thought to myself.

"I would agree on want to make our Attendant Monitor position worthwhile." I told her.

"Okay. The next time, I will time our routine. So, we could stay more focus on what we are doing."

"Is like every words she said is so articulate and precise." I thought to myself.

I could picture her having the following thoughts: "You want me to train you. But, you haven't asked me a question about the training."

I have been the trainer my whole life. This is the first time I'm a trainee. Not counting being a student in school or classrooms. Because being a student is expected from all the children enrolled in school.

"First thing first. We first do our job as Attendant Monitor. Then, figure out a way to beat our thoughts." She told me.

"But, you knew you are going to be an Attendant Monitor. I have no clue about being an Attendant Monitor. Because I was asking the administration office and Counsellor Summers that I want to served in the Student Service. So, one day they decided I should be an Attendant Monitor.

In addition, you don't like me talking and being around you. So, to beat our thoughts mean I don't says anything and I'm invisible." I thought to myself.

"If our reality could be like this." I mumbled sadly.

"See it this way. We already got passed day 1." She told me.

I gave her a look.

"So, our next line would be, "We should be enjoy being Attendant Monitor."" I thought out loud.

"Once again. I keep forgetting that I have no clue about being an Attendant Monitor. I need her to train me. This mean she would begin the training by teaching how to ask questions." I thought to myself.

"We are getting the hang of it. We should be enjoying it. Is the same thing." She told me.

Me and her got in front of a classroom. My hand is on the door's knot. She gave me a nod. I open the door.

Most of the time, the teacher would greet us. Other time, we would take the attendant role-sheet next to the door. It is inside a paper container. Then, leave the classroom without saying anything to the teacher. Sometime, when the teachers saw us. Then, they would begin taking the classroom role call. Then, hand us the attendant role-sheet.

The argument is Attendant Monitor is not collecting the attendant role-sheets. It is the desk works.

After we collected the role-sheets in that 2 stories classroom building. We left that building. Outside the building, we continue our talk.

"Being obligated to something. Or, being committed to something. Don't have to be a bad thing." She told me.

"If I'm not pretending, then I would accidentally say nobody would understand my situation. Example: In the general public perspective eyes, I'm expected to be prince charming or the white horse knight. So, I can't ask her to save me from my situation. But, what if it is just my thoughts? To be realistic, I have to assume she can't save me, but she could tell me I'm living in a nightmare. So, I don't have to be confused all the time." I thought to myself.

"Pretending is like a temporary relationship. A committed relationship is a long term relationship." I thought out loud.

"You were talking to me a lot during the first few days. But, our talk just begun." She told me.

I gave her a look.

"Could you live half of your life in a dream and half of your life in a nightmare?" I thought out loud.

"The chicken come first or the egg come first?" She answered.

"Whatever I said. That line would seem like the correct reply. What if I really like talking to you, would I feel sad if we stop talking?"

"What if we talk like this everyday, would you still remember everything we have talked?"

"Going back to what you were saying earlier. First thing first. We have to do our job as Attendant Monitor first. Then, figure out a way to beat our thoughts."

"The next classroom is a computer classroom. Having questions about computer doesn't make you a bad person. If you want, then I could take the lead and do all the talking in the computer classroom."

"Okay, but I'll do what I can to make us look like team players."

"I suppose if we both step up inside the computer classroom. But, I'll do most of the talking. That is fine."

Me and her enter the library building. Inside that building, we walked to the computer classroom.

I don't remember the computer teacher name. So, I'm going to create a name for her. Mrs. Keen.

Me and her entered the computer classroom.

"The lovely couple Attendant Monitor. You guys' presence bring warms to our classroom every time." Mrs. Keen greeted me and Kelly.

"Hello, Mrs. Keen. Glad your classroom really like us." Kelly greeted Mrs. Keen.

"Hello, Mrs. Keen. Kelly, I'll wait at the door." I greeted Mrs. Keen.

"Wait a second. There. Could you 2 stand side by side for me?" Mrs. Keen said to me.

I walked over to Kelly and stand next to her.

"I wish I brought my camera with me. You both look like a perfect couple."

"Mrs. Keen, if you don't mind, we still have to collect role-sheets from other classrooms."

"Of course, yes. The role-call. It will only take a few moments."

Mrs. Keen quickly do the role-call. After the role-call, she handed the attendant role-sheet to Kelly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Keen. That was a nice chat. We'll see you again."

Me and her got out of the computer classroom. After we collected all the role-sheets in the library building, we left that building. Outside that building, we continue our talk.

"Once we feel comfortable with the collecting role-sheet routine. We could take a break and sit down at the stage area. Have talks with each other. Before returning back to the office."

"I'm going to take a computer class, so I don't feel so discouraged about computer. Anyway, back to what you were saying. I'm okay with siting down and having talks."

After a few more meets, at our desks, she is using a computer at her desk. I'm sitting next to her. I looked over at her computer monitor screen.

"I don't even have a clue about Attendant Monitor." I thought to myself.

"I'm going to check with the staffs to see if they needed to run some errands." I told her and Gabriel.

"Okay." Gabriel replied.

"Only take a few errands. We're going to collect role-sheets soon." She replied.

After I run a few errands for the staffs, me and her begin collecting role-sheets.

Outside the building, when I saw a person from a far distance I wasn't as jumpy as before.

"We could talk while collecting the role-sheet and talk some more when we are sitting down at the stage area." She told me.

"Let say that in a scenario, somehow me and you beat our thoughts. What then? What I wanted to say is it is sixth grade camp all over again. When the 5 days camping trip is over. It is like nothing had happen."

"The chicken come first or the egg come first?"

I looked at my gold ring on my finger and my silver bracelet on my wrist.

"My father gave me the gold ring and silver bracelet to remind me not to get in a relationship with a girl." I thought to myself.

"Let change the subject. Have you thought of meeting someone special?" I told her.

"This pick up line is much better than those talks you been saying to me on the first few days."

"I just couldn't picture getting hurt by the line, "Just show some efforts."" I mumbled sadly.

"You are something. You haven't even answer the question, "The chicken come first or the egg come first?""

"Was I like when I first talk to you most of the time or just sometime?"

"Is it you want to know that, "Are asking for something that is impossible?" Back to that line, "Just show some efforts"."

After we finished collecting all the role-sheets, we went to the stage area and sat down next to each other.

"She training me how to talk properly and how to ask questions. Even though, I want her to train me very much. But, a tiny little mistake and I would wonder what if I didn't met her?

In addition, Steve, my family, my friends, and the rest of the world think that I have not talk to a girl before.

Steve showing up with his girlfriend and telling me that I haven't talk with a girl before. Make me want to show up with Kelly in front of him and say, "Why did you said I haven't talk with a girl before?" But, what about Kelly? She is not a chess piece that let people move her around. She is a human being.

Yet, she is training me mean that I need training before I could show up with her." I thought to myself.

"Tell me some of your favorited free time activities?" She asked me.

"Me and the children in my neighborhood often would play tag, hide and seek, and hide and seek kick ball. But, seeing the World Cup and playing soccer. Make me wonder if I play soccer a lot would I be in the World Cup one day. The same with basketball. Seeing Adam Maze playing basketball and playing basketball. Make me wonder if I play basketball a lot would I be as good as Adam one day. Yet, I would tell myself the answer is very obvious. Me and my siblings love playing video games. In addition, I like collecting toys and play with them.

What about you what are your favorited free time activities?"

"A lot of time, the answers are drawings and painting. Passionate artist and his or her passions. Example: Piano, chorus, and so on.

The things we like to do right now would be different than the future. So, our answers don't matter that much.

Hanging out with friend(s)."

We would continue asking each other the common asked questions or frequent asked questions. What are your favorite foods? What is favorite your color? And ,so on. But, we have forget about those questions and answers, because they are very common questions and answers.

In addition, if we are like this on every Attendant Monitor meets, then it is like our daily life. So, we don't have to remember everything in our daily life.

The next day, I asked my older sister, Lieng Hong Lam. If she could sell me a few rice crackers.

"I could give you a Rice Cracker. But, if you want more, then you have to do something for me." She replied. Then, she handed me a Rice Cracker.

Rice Cracker and "Hot Cheetos" chips are me, my siblings, and our friends favorited snacks. Some people can't eat "Hot Cheetos", because it is too spicy (hot chill pepper) for them to eat. But, Rice Cracker is not spicy.

I wanted to give Kelly a few Rice Crackers the next time me and her are taking a break sitting at the stage area and having talk. But, I only got 1 Rice Cracker. I decided I would have to only give her 1 Rice Cracker.

The next time me and Kelly is sitting at the stage area having talk. When we are close to the end of our talk. I handed her a Rice Cracker.

"It look like a normal cracker. So far all the people I know took a bite. They think it tasted very delicious. I don't know maybe it is a bad idea. Anyway, I thought you might want to try it."

Each individual pack have 2 Rice Crackers inside it. The size is 2 inches by 1 inch. She opened the plastic wrapper. Then, she took one cracker out of the wrapper and took a bite at it.

"Wow. It is very delicious. How about you?"

"My family buy them all the time in the Asian supermarket. So, I ate them all the time. I'm okay."

She broke a Rice Cracker to half. Then, she handed to me. I took it in my hand.

"1 or 2 seem like it is not enough. I usually want to eat like 2-3 at one time. Anyway, I just wanted you to try it."

After I took a bite at it. A crumble dropped on my shirt. She reached over to my shirt and removed that crumble on my shirt.

"Back to the office." She said.

"Back to the office..." I replied.

I have flashback of the first few days when I just saw her for the first time. Because I was nervous, so I keep talking to her non-stop. It is hard to picture we would get pass those first days. I felt that she would get so annoyed by me. She would told the staffs to change me to a different class. As for me, I don't even have a clue about Attendant Monitor.

After I return from the flashback, as we walk back to the office. I mumbled in a low voice that only I could hear it: "I would be careful when I'm using the word, "annoy"."

Steve showing up with his girlfriend in a crowd of students and telling me that I have not talk with a girl before. Have made me discouraged about talking to girl. But, Kelly giving me hope to able to talk to a girl.

The argument is I want to remember her as a girl who gave me hope on talking to girl. I rather not remember her as she crushed my hope to talk to girl.

The sixth grade camp is over. Back to our life and move on with our life. Kelly's training is over. Back to our life and move on with our life.

If I want more, then I could get in a jeopardy of remember her as the girl who crushed my hope to talk to girl.

My father gave me the gold ring and silver bracelet to remind me to not get into a relationship with a girl until I go to college or university. It is because he don't want me to get hurt falling in love with girl?

I think me and her hanging out together able me and her to have a life. But, I'm denying that she is my fears and restlessness. Example1: What happen a person like Steve argue that I feel nervous and fear around her? Example2: What happen a person like Chung argue that she only going to hurt me? Example3: Chung said, "I don't want you to get hurt by girls. Getting hurt by girls will distract you from your study in school."

I would argues in another life, when I have lesser problems in my life, then I would worry about those arguments about being around Kelly. Because I have the following to worry about:

My older brother, Ho suppose to protect me. But, in a fight against Marlin. He slipped and fell to the ground. Embarrassed himself in front of a crowd of students.

My 2 close friends, Steve and Manuel agree to help me fight against Marlin, but they fleet away from the fight when they got close to Marlin.

I haven't fought in a fight for almost 2 years of time. All of a sudden, I beat Marlin in a fight in front of hundreds of students. Marlin is not just another student. He have made a name of himself as the bigger and taller bully among all the bullies.

That is why I didn't asked Kelly if she wanted to be my girlfriend.

Instead asking her to be my girlfriend, I decided to gather up the Combat Regulators to recreate the Unofficial Junior Local Empty Handed Combat League in PBMS campus.

If the students know the Empty Handed Combat League history, then I don't have to explain about the accusation that I got lucky winning the fight against Marlin.

I started making Empty Handed Combat league announcements during the PE class when the students are waiting for the PE class teacher (coach) to show up.

"Alright, Jack. You could stop with the jokes." I said to Jack.

Then, I turn my attention to the students standing at the role-call number area.

"Okay, listen up! This is important. Is it not another of Jack's joke. I'm getting students to help me recreating the Unofficial Junior Local Empty Handed Combat League. Yes. Empty Handed Combat fights in the campus. Different than the sports in the PE class. The first step is to be more serious about my announcements. If there are fighters out there, then talk to me. I will help you arrange your fights. That is all for today announcement."

One day, I decided to make another announcement.

"I have did what I can for the hundreds of students in the crowd in that fight I fought against Marlin. It look like that crowd have slow down. Because I have been making announcements about the Empty Handed Combat league. So, I wanted says that I'm not trying to lie about there will be another fight. I'm just doing my job on regulating the league. That will be all for today announcement."

"So, the league is looking for another fight. I'll fight you." Charles Washington said to me.

Because I know Charles is a track field runner. So, I know he is a fast runner in the PE class and track. This mean he is incorporating his high speed running into his fights. In addition, he is smaller and shorter than Marlin, but he is faster and more skillful than Marlin. His height is about my height (5' 09"). This will be a very interesting fight.

"It would be a honor for the league to have a renowned track runner to be part of the league. Accept my embarrassment, if my speed is not fast enough to keep up with your speed." I replied.

"Without speed, you won't able to hit me."

"I didn't expected the fight to be easy. The same with trying to land a punch on you."

"Okay. So, let begin."

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I declare Neng Versus Charles fight to begin."

He taunted me by making gestures to tell me to try to punch his face. The taunting is making me look bad to the crowd. So, I made a few punches for the crowd. He dodged those punches.

"I'm over here. Don't miss this time."

"Your shoe lace is untied." I said. At the same time, I made a punch at him.

He blocked my punch. Then, he made multiple punches at me. I dodged the first 2 punches. The third punch hit my body. I made a low kick to force him to back away from me.

"He is taunting me. At this rate. He would able to control the crowd and fight. In addition, as a track runner he have more stamina than me. I have to end the fight as soon as I can." I thought to myself.

I'm going to strike the same time as he strike. To make him have to step toward me, I'm going to take one of his hit. So, I have a good chance on landing my punch.

I breathe in a few breaths of air and concentrate my attacks.

He made a strike on my body. I jag him with my right. Just as my punch about to hit his face. He dodged. From that same motion, I made a punch with my left. Just as my punch about to hit his face. He dodged.

I spun my body and made an unexpected third punch. He couldn't read my third punch. Just as he about to dodge it, I open up my fist. One of my finger went into his eye.

"Losing a fight or using an unexpected punch?" I thought to myself.

All of a sudden, he got down on one knee. Then, he raise up his hand to give up the fight.

The crowd of students stop cheering and became silent. I walked over to check his eye. There were no blood. Just some tears.

"He is okay." I said to the crowd of students.

At the end of the PE class. I wanted to make sure he is really okay. So, I walked next to him.

"I live in the PB neighborhood too. If you want I could walk with you to your house. Maybe we could play some video game or something in your house." I suggested.

"Okay." He replied.

I wanted to have a talk with his parents also to make sure he is okay.

He told me he left his house key in his room. So, me and him climbed over the wooden fence surrounding his backyard. In his backyard, he petted his dog. Also, he told me his dog won't bite me. So, I gave his dog a few pets and rubs around the ear.

Inside his house, he asked me if I want a hotdog. I don't want to be rude, so I accept his offer.

He made himself a hotdog. And, a hotdog for me. The hotdog is 1 hotdog bun and 1 hotdog meat.

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 46" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 06.

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ptts2023 · 7 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 04

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 18, 2025

I Told You So

Does Your Embarrassment Know No Bound?

As time goes on Steve Decker became closer and closer to my family. Sleeping over at my apartment. Doing my family daily activites with my family. And, having family talks with my family of becoming better than me.

Of course, it didn't happen over night. It happen gradually as time goes on.

Not being shy and don't care about embarrassment and embarrassing yourself is 2 different things.

Steve would embarrassed himself just to tell people that I'm shy and he would said things like, "Neng is too shy to do anything. Always have to be that perfect son. I'm opposite of him. I'm not shy like him. I'll be the son that the Lam's family wanted."

Is it all in my head? Or, there is no one like Steve? What am I trying to complain about?

The argument is the answer is right in front of me. Dominick Labady was going to taught Steve a lesson on embarrassment, but I step in without knowing what is going on and stopped Dominick from teaching Steve a lesson. So, I encouraged Steve to continue doing those embarrassment things.

As for me, I would argues I would leave flowers on Leon's grave. But, I won't says, "Leon didn't die from doing the stuns.".

The argument is it is hard to tells if I wanted Steve to continue to be my friend or not. Because that day when I was breaking up with him, I did tells him the following: "My father said we have to break up. We can't hang out anymore." "For the record. I already told you we need to break up."

As for me, I would argues able to sees the embarrassments and not able to sees the embarrassments is 2 different things.

The argument is many African-American children and Half African-American children growing up playing basketball. They live and breathe basketball. Me and Steve is so lost. And, have no direction in life. So, we thought we are good at playing basketball.

As for me, I would argues I have to accuse Steve for being the general public, so I could stop dwelling on the following: "I could sees the criticisms Steve made against me. But, it is hard for me to sees the criticisms the general public made against me."

But, is he really the general public?

Me and Steve would hang out often in the PBMS campus. Also, Manuel Delgado, Alex Herrera, and Rubin Compos started hanging out with us. Manuel, Alex, and Rubin are criticized as fat students.

On top of that, where ever I goes they are with me and whatever I do they are with me.

What happen to my circle of friends? Such as Mario Sanchez, Edger Gomez, and Edger Arenas.

The argument is I no longer sees Mario, Gomez, and Arenas in the PBMS campus. Also, I let Caucasian student and fat students in my circle of friends.

Coincidentally, I met African-American student, Parker (2 grade higher than me). And, Half African-American students, Eddy (2 grade higher than me, I forgot his name). Jeremy (Same grade as me, Eddy's brother, I don't his name). And, Loni (Same grade as me).

I met Parker during PE class. He either want to buy a donut from me. Or, he want to flatter me on I'm a renowned Empty Hand Combat fighter.

The way I see it. Get as many man powers and bodyguards as I can. Then, my older brother, Ho could stop worry about me and watching over me. Also, he could stop recruiting as much man powers and bodyguards as he can. Parker probably already recruited by Ho.

"I could really fight." I try to joke back at Parker.

He put up his fists and get ready for me to demonstrate a move to him. I made a fake low kick. Then, I touched his head with my hand. He told me that is a great move.

He is 2 grade higher than me. He is a football player. He is bigger than me and taller than me. So, there is a higher chance Ho recruited him to watch over me. Than me and him met each other on coincidence.

Even though, me and him was just playing around. But, the argument is he is African-American. I'm Chinese. Why are the different racial are playing together?

As for Jeremy and Loni, I pictures Jeremy and Loni is like Adam and Skill. Growing up playing basketball. So, they could play basketball as good as Adam and Skill.

One day, Jeremy want to talk with me, because he told I'm like his older brother, Eddy.

"How could I be like your older brother, Eddy? He is 2 grade higher than me?" I asked Jeremy.

"You should have a talk with Eddy. Maybe you would see why you are like him. He wanted to have a chance to talk with you also." He answered.

One day, Jeremy introduced me to Eddy. So, I got into a talk with Eddy.

"I remember going to an Asian Spa one time. The female employees in that spa have very good customer service skill." Eddy told me.

"All this time. That is all you wanted to tell me." I replied.

"You and your brother, Jeremy are famous basketball players who live in wealthy mansion. Being transported in limousine. And, you have many fans. I'm a poor country-boy. Why do you want to talk with me? Am I more than just 1 of your fans?" I thought to myself after having that talk with Eddy. So, I don't understand why they wanted to talk with me.

I keep it at: Jeremy just wanted to have a talk with me, because he think I'm like his older brother.

How many man powers and bodyguards have I recruited? How many man powers and bodyguards have Ho recruited? How many students can the head security, Mr. Huff fight against?

The talks in PBMS campus are saying Mr. Huff could take on 3 or more students at one time.

Whenever I have emergency meeting with the PBMS staffs, I would be escorted by Mr. Huff for protection reasons.

The argument is Mr. Huff is just doing his job. He is not purposely creating problems to the students.

Whatever ghetto or unimportant place people think I'm from. I'm tired of dealing with shitty background and stinking background. I decided to do some Student Service services to clean up whatever shits is on me.

I went to the administration officer, I asked the staffs for some Student Service to served. The staffs assigned to served in the cafeteria. Before lunch, I carry the containers of foods to the food serving area. During lunch, I would scope food from the containers to students' trays. When students are done eating at the cafeteria tables, I would clean up the tables.

One day, while I was in hurry cleaning the cafeteria tables. Daisy Gomez came up to me and slapped me on my face.

Which one clean up the shits on me, Daisy's slap or cleaning the tables?

Momentary, Mario and Edger Gomez told Daisy to apologize to me.

The following is my explanation to Daisy's slap: Maya, Daisy, Tina, and the female classmates in my class really like me. Mario, Gomez, and Arenas are my friends and been hanging out with me. I don't see Mario, Edger Gomez, Arenas, Maya, Daisy, Tina, and the female classmates. I'm complaining about my life is shit and no care about my life. Because I'm in a lot of pain, so I embarrassing myself by cleaning the cafeteria tables.

Mario, Edger Gomez, and Daisy could feel my pain, so they created that scene to relieve some the pains. That scene is saying they have been watching over the whole time and they could feel my pains.

The argument is the stereotypes in the PBMS campus have contradicted. Alex and Manuel are the 2 fat students among my friends. The fat student stereotype is they will betray me and create problems in my life. But, they didn't betray me. Instead they have show me more friendship and loyalty than my other friends.

To save myself some face, I have to says that my friends have problems with me being a leader. So, my leadership is controversy leadership.

Because of the controversy leadership, so I watched Loni doing his leadership responsibilities and duties. Because he is also a leader in the PBMS campus.

There are 2 Caucasian students who are smaller and shorter than all the other students. Play basketball with Loni. Loni gave them the nicknames, "Cornnut1" and "Cornnut2".

During lunch break, Loni would show "Cornnut1", Cornnut2", Mrs. Atwell, and other students some of his basketball drills. Or, he would play basketball games with them. While watching him and his group, I have a flashback of limping on my bleeding foot and continue the basketball drill with Steve.

During lunch break, my group and Loni's group doesn't make contact with each other. But, "Cornnut1" and "Cornnut2" is in the same PE class as me.

One time, Loni asked me, "Do I know who is that person?" Then, he pointed to Mrs. Atwell.

I didn't says anything and gave him a look. "She is Mrs. Atwell, right?" I thought to myself.

Because of the controversy leadership, so I sees my group as the mess up group. In my group, there is a student, Jack. He been in our group too long so he have the following confusion: He thought to fit-in in our group he have to be mess up.

Jack is taller, better looking, and more fit than most of the group members. But, the group think he is gay. So, he would act gay all the time to fit-in with the group.

"Come on, Jack. Pick up yourself. You could beat them. Why you have make yourself look like a clown?" I thought to myself looking at Jack.

When he is clowning around or making fun of himself, there are a few time he would look toward me and wanting me to put him in a headlock like how I put Steve in a headlock.

When Steve is clowning around or making fun of himself, he would drag me in. That is why I put him in a headlock.

[Example 01 Begin]

He would said, "Neng, need me around with him. Because I have the better quality."

"Steve, does your embarrassment know no bound?"

"Neng-it."

I put him in a headlock. Then, I told him, "I told you to not call me, Neng-it."

"Alright, Alright... It was just a joke."

"Says uncle. And, I'll let you go."

"Uncle... Uncle..."

Then, I would let him go.

[Example 01 End]

[Example 02 Begin]

The PE class is doing the jogging exercise together in the grass field. While me and him are jogging in the grass field, he would push me toward the pole.

I would put him in a headlock.

"Come on. It was a priceless moment."

"Says you are sorry. And, I'll let you go."

"Sorry... Sorry..."

Then, I would let him go.

[Example 02 End]

Having Steve as a friend is already a handful. If Jack is my friend, too. Then, it is too much.

"I have to make fun of myself too. If I don't, then I'm creating too much pressures to Jack." I thought to myself.

From that thought, I decided to postpone on recreating the Empty Handed Combat league in PBMS campus.

As the class about to pick on Jack, so Jack would make fun of himself.

"Hey guys! Watch this!" I would call out to the class.

Then, I would jump over a metal fence. The metal fence is as high as the tennis net, so it is not that high. So, after I made a few jumps, the class started turning their attention away from me.

While I try to make it more interesting. My foot hit the fence and fell face toward the floor. My hands was able to embrace most of the impact, so I didn't hit my face that hard on the floor.

Sooner or later my mess up group would get to me. But, if you have thick skin and do mess up activities like Steve and Jack. Then, how would you know that the group is mess up?

What is so sad is there are a few times I vibe that Jack want to help me out.

Wishing On A Grave

Attendant Monitor

PBMS decided to a have spirit week. Pajama Day, Inside-Out Day, Crazy Hair Day, and so on. I decided to join the spirit week contest.

On Crazy Hair day, I used hair gel to gel one side of my hair up and make it wild. The side other, I keep it normal.

The contest is located behind the PBMS library. There is a platform that look like a stage for students to stand on. And, the crowd is below the platform.

During the Crazy Hair contest, me and the candidates would stand on the stage. Then, the crowd would make votes. I got the most votes from the crowd. Even though, it is an unimportant contest. But, winning the contest is better than nothing.

During Spirit Week, I participated in another unimportant contest, Coca Cola Soda drinking contest. Me, Francisco Ortiz, and 4 students are on the stage. The first student to drink the whole aluminum can of soda win the contest.

Me and Francisco are the first 2 to finished our soda. He beat me by 1-2 seconds, but he throw up. Even though, I think he won, but the crowd vote that I won that contest, because Francisco threw up. It is an unimportant contest. I didn't want to talk about it.

Because the administration office and Counsellor Summers saw that I was asking to serve in the Student Service. So, I was put into serving as Attendant Monitor on Period 05.

There were 2 other students, Kelly and Gabriel also served as Attendant Monitor.

The argument is I was the person who save Steve from a miserable life. Kelly is that person who could save me like I save Steve.

Like those unimportant contests, no one care about those contests, why are you wasting your time?

Because it is very stupid. Because Kelly not going to save me. She going to destroy me.

Our desks are next to each other. So, I sat next to her. I constantly keep talking to her. So, she got tired of me keep talking to her.

"That is enough. I'm going to collect the attendant role-sheets." She said.

"I'll go with you. I'll stay quiet. I won't say a word." I told her.

"I have already check with the staffs. I'm only doing the desk works." Gabriel told her.

Me and her decided to go collect the attendant role-sheet together.

It is not like the fairy tale. She suppose to train me to be an attendant monitor. But, she can't stand to be around me.

I'm too nervous, so I keep talking non-stop.

Yet, our desks is next to each other.

We collected the attendant role-sheets from some classrooms. I didn't say a word the whole time.

"You are a trainee. You will be fine."

"Fine..."

During the first meets, I thought if I keep talking, then I could deny the following: It is a trap for me to be here.

The attendant monitors was expecting me to says, "I will be responsible on collecting the attendant role-sheets. Kelly and Gabriel will do the desk works."

Do you know how you sound like now? You are at the wrong place at the wrong time. Yet, you still act like you know everything. You call yourself an Attendant Monitor, you don't even know the Attendant Monitor responsibilities and duties.

Maybe a miracle happen to me and I was able to talk to her. Then, she would tell me that I'm living in a nightmare. And, I should stop lying to myself that someone would save me from my nightmare.

I have to accept that I'm a very discouraged person and don't have a clue on what is going on. Or, a very talkative person who pretend he know everything.

In addition, no matter how much I wanted her to help me out. I have to see that she is my worse enemy.

"Okay, it is collecting role-sheet time." She told me.

"Okay." I replied.

We walked out of the administration office together.

"I don't mind training you. But, a tiny a little mistake is like we shouldn't have training in the first place. I'm talking to myself or the trainee became the trainer."

"What..."

"I don't have a clue what is going, but I'm trying." I thought to myself.

Me and her walked passed the library. Then, I spotted a person from a far distance.

"This is the first time I'm walking with a girl in the campus, but what is the big deal?" I thought to myself.

"Could we both go inside the classroom together?" I asked her.

"Okay." She replied.

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 45" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 04.

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ptts2023 · 8 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 03

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 17, 2025

Hopes On Meeting Adam Maze Again

Friendship Break Up

Before I begin writing about how I met Steve Decker. I will begin writing about the day I broke up with him. Then, I'll explain about how I met him and how we became friend (arguable best friend).

The following is how I broke up with him:

Me and him been hanging out for months of time. The following are our hang out: Me and him hang out in PE (Physical Education) class, morning before school, and lunch break in the PBMS campus. During the weekends, Saturday and Sunday, we would play basketball together in the CPES campus basketball court. Then, Crown Point Park basketball court.

My observation on months of time hanging out with him is overall I'm ready to introduce him to my father, Chung Wun Lam.

In "Weary Background Weary Thoughts", I wrote the following:

[Begin]

I'm only 12 years old. I don't have a lot of powers and connections. So, it is very difficult for me to background check my family by looking through my family history. I heard stories about my father. Also, I heard my father telling his stories about overcoming very tough struggles in his life to a crowd of people.

To not linger on "Weary Background Weary Thoughts", the bad lucks and adversities supposed to kill Chung. But, he overcame the bad lucks and adversities and it have made him and our family into a refuge family. As a refuge family we have to keep overcoming the bad lucks and adversities in our life.

[End]

From my family is a refuge family summarization, I could pictures Chung saying pictures the many adversities and bad lucks our family have overcame. What if people decided to not show supports to those adversities and bad lucks? Instead creating problems to those adversities and bad lucks?

I would argues that hearing those lines from him, I would understand why he whipped me, Ho, and Du with his leather belt when we misbehaved. Example: The pressures constantly keep telling Chung that the pressues is going to get people to create problems to those adversities and bad lucks our family have overcame. Those pressures is tormenting Chung. It is more painful than getting whipped by leather belt.

In addition, among the stories he have told to crowd of people. He told stories about the Cambodia regime. Individuals or families that will be killed dug holes in the ground. Then, knee in front of those holes. The "Anonymous Regime Army" (you know who) units would used a heavy club and club those individuals or families to death. Then, kick their bodies into the holes. Before I was born, our family live through those stories Chung told. But, the following is how the crowd of people who are listening to him feel about those stories: Because he told those stories so many times, so the crowd got use to listening to him telling stories.

As for his true son who care about him would see those stories as he is trying very hard to stop the adversities and bad lucks from keep happening to our family.

After I introduced Steve to Chung. Chung told me he sees bad omen(s) about Steve. He don't want me to be friend with Steve anymore. Chung said those lines in the Chinese language, so Steve don't know what Chung said about Steve.

I would pictures Chung saying the following as an explanation: "Steve Decker is a 12 years old boy. There will be people who will claim that they are like him. And, he don't even have a clue about those people. It is not him who is going to create the problems to those adversities and bad lucks our family have overcame. It is the people who claimed to be like him."

Steve asked me, "What did your father said about me?"

"Something about bad omen(s). I'll explain to you some other times." I answered.

Afterward, for days of time, I been looking for an opportunity to tell him that I need to break up with him.

I would argues, It is not Steve. It is my family can't have people creating problems to those adversities and bad lucks our family have overcame. It is more painful than getting whipped by leather belt. Think about an adversity have made you got caught in a war or regime. You struggle very hard to get out of that war or regime. People supposed to provided you with supports/helps. But, instead people are creating problems to your adversity. It would be very painful (or tormenting) just thinking about it.

Steve don't know about those adversities and bad lucks our family overcame. He just know that me and him been hanging out just fine for months of time.

Because he have Sunday School, so I could only hang out with him after his Sunday School. So, Saturdays are our main hang out days.

One Saturdays, as we are walking on the sidewalk to the Crown Point park to play some basketball. We got to a very quiet spot where there is no one around. I stopped walking and nervously saying the following to him: "I have something very important to tell you."

All of a sudden, he became nervous. Then, he try to break the nervousness by trying to say something funny.

"My father said we have to break up. We can't hang out anymore." I cut in before he could says anything funny.

"Just like that. I only met your father 1 time." He mumbled sadly.

"Not you. Can't you see it? My father been trying very hard so that our family could overcome those adversities and bad lucks that keep happening to our family." I try very hard not to say those lines to him.

There were a few seconds of silence.

"I don't get it. We been hanging out just fine." He thought out loud.

"It is already very hard for me to says those lines to you. Don't make me says it again." I'm not upset at him. I'm upset at the adversities and bad lucks that keep happening to our family.

There were a few seconds of silence.

"I got it. I got an idea." He thought out loud. Then, he climbed over a fence. Inside the fenced yard, there is a fruit tree. He picked a fruit from a fruit tree. And, climbed out of the fenced area and ran back to me.

"I'm the son who could go around the rules. You going to face problems you have to go around the rules. So, you will need me around to show you how to go around the rules." He explained.

I interpreted his explanation as the following: "Technically, according to the rules, I already break up with you. Since you could go around the rules. You will try to continue hanging out with me."

"For the record. I already told you we need to break up." I mumbled sadly to him.

After that day, I been brainstorming what to tell Chung about Steve still want to be my friend. The following are those brainstorms:

[Begin]

Brainstorm 01: Yes. That is it. Just tell Chung that Steve is the only person in the world that doesn't follow rules. I'm the only person in the world would follow rules. Come on. I regulate Empty Handed Combat league. I could do better than that.

Brainstorm 02: Chung's life is full of respects and admirations. Then, his son, me life is no matter what I do to have some respects and admirations. It have to turn out to be someone just have to purposely going against me. By bringing up, "Yes. We could tell the different between abiding to the rules and breaking the rules. But, we just don't like your family, Lam's Family. The Lam Gene/Lam Heritage is over."

Steve is just the messenger to deliver a message that there is a "New Genesis". Whatever Chung thought he had about building a family tree/heritage. According to the "New Genesis". It is over.

I'm too embarrassed about, "How could a father have so much respects, and his son have so little respect?" To able to talk with Chung face-to-face about my thoughts on Steve.

[End]

After the brainstorm, to not continue with dissappointing Chung. I don't want him to have to explain to me about why he said Steve is the 2 words, "bad omen".

I decided to tells Chung that Steve is still my friend. But, it is already a mistake to introduce Steve to Chung. I'm repeating the mistake by trying to make him accept that Steve is still my friend.

Nevertheless, no matter how much brainstorming I brainstormed. It would come down to I should have listen to him and stop being friend with Steve.

The argument is I think I live a cursed life. But, the worse could still happen to me. The worse that could still happen to me is because I'm Chung's son, so he decided to transfer his powers and connections to me. I'm still at the cursed life, "How could a father have so much respects, and his son have so little respect?" So, the worse created confusions in my life.

The following would create more confusions to the confusions: Another confusion is a failed assassination attempt on Chung created confusions. Or, because someone sympathized my pains, so he or she decided to make Chung be in my shoes and know what I have to go through. Created confusions.

Why did Steve fight so hard to continue being my friend, what did he see in me? Or, is it his life is more sad than my life, I was able to provided him with protection to his sadness?

How did it all happen? How did I met Steve Decker? Why my hopes on meeting Adam Maze again became friended with Steve Decker?

How It All Started

I'm going to write about how it all started.

My PBMS seventh grade year begin on September 1997. From what I heard about the PBMS, there are multiple PBMS counsellors. All the students are assigned one of those multiple counsellors. The counsellor I assigned to is Mrs. Summers (or Counsellor Summers). I made an appointment to talk with her before the beginning of the semester (September 1997).

From what I heard whenever students with immigrant status and school counsellor got into a talk. In those talks, the students would cried and the school counsellor would sympathized that student and cried also. So, those meetings are full of tears.

Because I regulating Empty Handed Combat league, so I would avoid crying scenes. So, am I a student with immigrant status talking with a school counsellor? Vice-versa, is my school counsellor can't sympathize my situation?

My plan is to let her know at the beginning of our talk, my family is like all families with immigrant status. Such as my family go through the same problems as families with immigrant status.

During the appointment, at the beginning of the talk, I told her that I do a lot of the English translation for my parents. At the same time, I would picture her giving me a hug and sympathize me by saying that she know about my situation.

The argument is I'm doing whatever I can to make sure she know that my family is like all families with immigrant status. As for her, she is doing whatever she can to make sure that I'm not just another student in PBMS campus. As for the general public perspective, I'm too nervous to talk with her.

I would argues no matter what I do. To the general public perspective eyes, if she act normal, then I would be too nervous to talk with her. This mean it is all just an act.

I vibe the following argument: The PBMS saw that I try so hard to pretend like a student in PBMS campus, so the PBMS and Counsellor Summers felt sorry for me and they want to give me a chance to be like another student in PBMS campus. But, I'm so lost I can't even see it.

Toward the end of the meeting, she gave me a hug.

"I have heard many students told me about the problems they have to overcame. What you told me have touched my heart."

I think touched my heart is already a lot of sentimental. She shredding tears is too much. Yes. It is true she is my counsellor mean I could make appointment to talk with her whenever I want. But, this is the first time I'm talking with her.

The argument is it is privilege and reward for a student to be placed in AP (Advance Placement) class.

So, I can't says the following to her: "I want to be in an ESL class. I don't want to be in an AP class."

After about a week later in the AP class, I went back to Counsellor Summers, I told her I want to change my AP class to the ESL class. She went with my request and change my AP class to ESL class.

My situation is all in my head. In the general public perspective eyes, I just don't have what it take.

During the weekends, I would feel sorry for myself by taking a walk around the CPES campus.

I have Mrs. Atwell's classes Period 1-4 in my sixth grade year. 1997 Summer School. And, Period 1-4 in my seventh grade year.

When she came to the basketball court to play basketball with the students. I would wake up on whatever dream I thought I'm in.

I would tells myself I want to sees Adam again and get over about Mrs. Atwell is my favorited teacher.

PBMS (General Public) control everything I do. So, I can't says I dare myself to practice basketball because I want to see Adam again. This mean I'm denying that I already gave up on my dream.

It is hard to explained I check out a bag of balls in the morning, lunch break, and afterschool. I would watch over that bag of balls. But, I rarely play basketball in the basketball court.

About a month later, Steve Decker and his sister, April Decker transferred to PBMS. They are the same age as me. They have blonde hair and Caucasian background. At that point of time, I didn't know who they were. Steve look like Skill. Skill out scored Adam by a few points in the final game in the elementary basketball league.

Even if it is impossible that Steve is Skill. I owe to myself, Adam, and Skill to have another look at Steve.

One afterschool, I return the bag of balls to the equipment room early. I waited for Steve and April to ride their bicycles back to their house on the sidewalk. I made it seem as a coincidence I ran into them.

I waved to Steve (Skill) to see if he recognized that I was in the elementary basketball league also.

After they rode their bicycles pass me, they both look back at me. But, they didn't stop.

The next day, in PE class, he came up to me. He told me he had chorus lesson and piano lesson. So, he was in hurry home.

I told him, "It is all just a misunderstanding. I thought you were someone I knew in the past."

That talk is equivalent to I have gave Steve another look. So, me and him went back to our life.

The argument is if I were like Leon Barrowclough, then I don't have to dream of getting over that Mrs. Atwell is my favorited teacher. And, seeing Adam again.

Leon die at what he is good at. He been doing a lot of stuns and taught me and the children in the neighborhood how to do stuns. He die while doing one of his stuns.

Climbing the metal fence. Running on the rooftop. And, Empty Handed Combat league. Would agued as stuns (or Leon's stuns).

To honor Leon's death is to say that doing stuns is just as hard as playing basketball.

"I want to practice the basketball drills. I don't know if I could be as good as Adam and Skill or not. But, I think I will be good enough to see them again." I mumbled out loud.

Then, I looked at the emptied CPES campus and basketball court. Saturday is not a school day, so there are no one around. Is the students in the CPES campus cheering my name is all in my head?

Each time I come to CPES campus, when I feel very sad and lonely. I would tell myself the following: Running on the rooftop is an awesome stun. At the same time, there are criticisms against it. But, to me and my surrounding, our busy life have made us gave up on our dream to climb up to the rooftop. It is better, if I know where Leon's grave are located. I would pay my respect by leaving him some flowers on his grave. "I'm not that player who scored 6 points in a basketball game in the elementary basketball league. And, received a compliment on I scored 2/2."

One day, in the boy locker room during the PE class, Steve have 85 cents. The Gatorade (Energy Drink) vending machine is $1 for a bottle of Gatorade. So, he is asking around the students inside the boy locker room to see if any of them have 15 cents.

The fans gave flowers and gifts to Skill to celebrated his victories. The audience applauded and throw flowers toward Skill to celebrated his victories. It is hard to picture Skill walking around the boy locker room asking for 15 cents. So, I told Steve I'll let him borrow 15 cents. He could pay me back any time he want.

In return, he told me I'm a life saver and he want me to have a drink of his Gatorade.

I'm not saying I could get compliment from Skill. So, I didn't says anything back to him and I'm getting ready to leave the boy locker room to not complicate the situation.

While I'm getting ready to leave, I heard, "Fight... Fight... Fight..." from the vending machine area. Also, there is a crowd of students have crowded around the vending machine area.

My old classmates from CPES have asked me about the Empty Handed Combat league. I couldn't give them a direct answer. It have already been a year without Empty Handed Combat fights. I decided to take a look at the fight in the vending machine area.

The fight is Skill (Steve) Versus Dominick Labady.

Dominick is making fun of Skill by taunting Skill take his money back from Dominick's hand.

Am I angry at Skill for out scored Adam and made our team lost the final game and Adam's father scolded at Adam? It is just a basketball game, right?

I told myself, "I'm not angry at Skill. I acknowledged him as a skillful basketball player."

I step into the fight. I took the money from Dominick's hand. I handed the money back to Skill.

I went back to my locker to get my backpack. After I got my backpack. Dominick and Qwe step in front of me. Blocking my way. They are staring me down with their very angry faces.

I shuffled them out of my way and continue walking away from them.

Outside the boy locker room, Steve (Skill) ran up to me from behind. He thanked for helping him get his money back.

"Do you play basketball?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"Want to play basketball with me this weekend?"

"Okay."

I tore out a piece of paper. And, handed it to him.

"Write down your phone number. I'll call you."

He wrote down his phone number on that piece of paper. Then, he handed to me.

We agreed to play basketball in CPES campus basketball court at 11:00 AM. His house is at Rivera Drive. 5-6 streets away from CPES campus. I gave him a call at 10:00 AM to remind him about the basketball game.

I got to CPES campus at 10:45. At around 11:00 AM, he calling my name from outside the metal fence.

"All the gates are locked. How did you get in?" He asked me.

"Throw your skateboard over first. I'll catch it." I answered.

"My skateboard is a garbage. I need to buy a new one. So, you don't have to catch it. Just let it land on the ground."

"It's still good. I would take good care of it."

He tossed his skateboard over. Then, he climbed over the fence.

Me and him walked together to the basketball court.

"I need to practice the basketball drills. If you don't mind, I want you to help me with the practice."

"Let get started."

After me and him went through the basketball drills. He could tell I already know those drills.

"I'm discouraged to play basketball, because I'm having problems with my lay-up. I haven't drill enough to know how to do the lay-up without the "Traveling" penalty."

After that Saturday, every Saturday at 9:00-10:00 AM, me and him would do basketball drills in CPES campus basketball court. From 9:00-10:00 to 12:30 PM.

One time, I was in hurry so I wore my sandals. Instead of the sport shoes. So, during the drills, one of my sandals ripped. So, my foot scraped against the floor. And, started bleeding. I would limp on the foot that is bleeding and continue the practice without shoe.

"The bleeding and limping make you look very sad. Okay. I'll show you the right way to do the lay-up."

He started being very serious about making sure I could do the lay-up correctly.

After a month of time in the CPES campus basketball court, we went to the Crown Point park basketball court to continue our basketball practice. In the Crown Point park, we try to get there early. We would try to get there at 9:00 AM. Instead of 10:00 AM. We would end the practice at around 12:30 PM, the same as CPES basketball court.

The basketball practice are usually on Saturday, because he have Sunday School on Sunday. There are times after he done with the Sunday School, we would hang out and play basketball. Or, just hang out at the "Name of the Game" store.

After I could do the lay-up like second nature, me and him started playing basketball games in the PBMS campus.

Me and him would be in the same team. Our team would win every time by a lot of points. So, the students decided to pick players to form teams before the games begin to even up the games.

Me and him would play basketball in the morning before school begin and Lunch Break. He have chorus and piano lesson, so he can't stay afterschool. As for me, I would continue playing basketball afterschool.

The basketball games including winning the basketball games make me no longer feel like I'm being weighed down by the pressures in my life. Example: The pressures sometime make me feel very sad and lonely.

So, I no longer feel like our neighborhood have gave up on their dreams. I remember Leon taught the children how to climb up to the rooftop of his house and jump down from the rooftop.

So, I taught Steve how to climb up the CPES building rooftops. Also, how to climb up the trees in the Crown Point park.

There is one time, he have an accident climbing up a tree. But, I was right next to him. So, I grabbed him before fell off that tree.

"What happen if I fell of a tree?" He asked me.

"I'll fall with you." I answered.

It have been months of time since Steve (Skill) Versus Dominick fight in the boy locker room. So, I decided that me and him have hang out long enough. And, he is ready to meet my father, Chung Wun Lam.

So, that is how me and Steve became friend. Yet, I want to sees it as I want to practice basketball, so that when I became good at playing basketball. I could sees Adam again.

I decided to tells Chung about what happen with me and Steve breaking up.

"Father, I think me and you should give the USA country lifestyle some time. Maybe we might see things differently. So, I didn't break up with Steve. Me and him will continue being friend." I told Chung.

"One day when you are a father you will understand about what it mean to be a father. I only want what is good for you." He replied.

Then, me and him ended our talk.

As me and Steve continue being friend. And, continue playing basketball games in the PBMS campus. Our friendship bond became stronger. Our strong friendship bond increased our skill to play basketball. So, the basketball games in PMBS became very competitive.

There is one time the competition reached great height. It was during the Lunch break. There were 2-3 teams waiting in line to play against the winning team. So, me and Steve in the same team won against multiple teams in 1 Lunch Break period. Also, there are crowd of students watching the basketball games.

"Neng. Me and you are unstoppable. We can't loose if we are in the same team." Steve gave me a compliment about our teamwork and basketball skills.

But, I couldn't acknowledge what he is saying. And, I have flashback of Adam's father scolded at Adam for letting Skill out scored Adam.

"Would I sees Adam again?" I thought to myself.

Whenever the students are picking team. Students always picked me to be in their team as their first pick. So, those students would picked Steve as the second pick.

My team would usual win. I would scored the most points in each games I played. There is one time, I scored all the points for my team. And, my team still win that game.

Yet, I keep thinking that I'm not good enough to be at Adam's and Skill's basketball league.

What happen if PBMS know about it?

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 44" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 04.

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ptts2023 · 9 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 02

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 16, 2025

Book 3: Dream of Country-boy Table of Contents: Introduction Chapter 01: 1996 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 41 Chapter 02 [1.] Hard To Explain Transitions A. The Transition To Using Computer In Home B. Talking About Empty Handed Combat League Transition [2.] Burning Heart Burning Passion A. "Toys R Us" Super Toy Store Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 42 Chapter 02 Continue [Important Note 14 (English Grammar)] A. "Toys R Us" Super Toy Store (Continue) B. 1997 Birthday Party C. 1997 Summer School D. Saving Plan To Buy SNES

Important Note 15 (English Grammar)

I'm not teaching the English grammar. Nor am I expecting to have perfect English grammar at all time.

If you think is funny to criticize me without leaving feedbacks on my PTTS posts, then I don't think is funny. I think you would think the same if you were me.

I don't know. Maybe someone is just messing with me. Won't leave me alone. Whatever it is, it is working. I supposed maybe saying it is working so they don't have to continue messing with me so hard all the time.

Maybe it is the same for all immigrants or ESL students. If people doesn't recognize them as immigrants or ESL students, then they could never get a chance to learn the English language. But, being recognized as immigrants or ESL students, they became inferior and being pick on and mess with all the time.

Am I being pick on because of the English grammar? Or, is it becaue I'm an immigrant or ESL student?

By now, I should know that I'm living a cursed life (or, a very sad life). Yet, I felt I owed it to myself to have to says, "Please leave me feedback." Because I still haven't got a feedback on my PTTS posts from December 2016 until now, 2025.

"Toys R Us" Super Toy Store (Continue)

Continue where I left off.

Pointing out all of those things in this section, "Toys R US" Super Toy Store. Is I wanted to says because of my inferior background there is a high chance I would be in an unfavorable path and/or misguided path. But, what are the chances for a person to be on an unfavorable path and/or misguided path?

The favorable path and/or right path is filled with abundance, prosperity, and happiness. Celebrations where you ever you go.

The unfavorable path and/or misguided (wrong) path is you explain about the following:

The wealthy community celebrated "From Poor To Rich". And, provided a lot of supports/helps to dealing with all the problems "From Poor To Rich".

The poor community constantly creating problems to "From Poor To Rich". And, taking away all hopes and creating more problems to "From Poor To Rich".

You only pissed yourself off even more. Why?

There is 1 construction worker told me, "Hit the bullseye for me." While I was shooting my bow and arrows. The way I sees it even when you thought all hopes have failed and you are so lost. Yet, someone still said, "Hit the bullseye for me." Why?

Lullaby of a longing kingdom that was once my home. Or, repressed sadness yearning for acknowledgement.

Show me respect by saying that, "He is a prince in some unforgotten kingdom."

Disrespect me by saying that, "He is so lost. He don't even know where he is at. And/or his place in life."

The argument is that is what I should be occuped with. Not playing video games in "Toys R Us". Example: The prince have responsibilities and duties on what is going on in the world and worry about the whereabout of the world. The lost boy play video games in "Toys R Us".

Then, my pager started beeping. I look at the display on the pager. It show that Bun is calling me. I looked at the time. It is 6:30 PM.

I would walk from "Toys R Us" to "Plaza Donut". My backpack is in Bun's car, so I would ask her for the car key. After I got my backpack, I would start doing my homework and school assignments in "Plaza Donut".

When there are a line of customers in the store, I would help her by asking the customers who is the next person in line. Then, I would ask the next customer what he or she want to buy. Then, I would ring him or her up at the cashier (cash register).

After the line is slow down, I would return back to my homework.

At around 9:00-9:30 PM, I would help her with the closing the shop works. Fill up the things in the shop that needed to fill up. Sugar containers. Coffee sticks. Spoons, forks, and knifes. Beverage cups. Lips for the cups. Donut bags. Donut boxes. And, so on. The donut boxes you need to fold it up first. Mopping the floor. She is doing the harder and heavy works by washing all the trays, containers, and so on. Also, baking the cookies, muffins, and other non-donut bakery treats.

After she closed the shop, she would give me a few dollars or half of her tip jar. Half of her tip jar is about $3-5. Sometime more than $5. There is 1 time I saw a customer put a $5 bill into her tip jar.

In addition, she would bring a box of 12 donuts. Back to our apartment. Even though, those donut still taste good. But, those donut is consider 1 day old. I would bring a bag of 5 (4-6) donuts with me to school (PBMS). I would eat 1 in the morning and 1 during lunch. In beginning, I would share the remaining 3 with my friends and classmates. But, it is not enough to go around. Later on, I started selling those donuts to them. 50 cents (same price as the donut shop) for the regular donuts. 1 dollar (shop sell for 85 cents) for the large donuts. I made about $1-2 for each bag of donuts I bring to school. The money I made allow me to buy 1 extra cartridge of milk for 25 cents. 1 tray of chips and nacho cheese for $1. And/or a bag of Hot Cheetos with nacho cheese over it for $1.25. Coming up chapters, I became friend with Steve Decker. So, I would give him a donut in the morning or lunch. If there are leftover, then I would make the exception of giving him 2 donuts.

1997 Birthday Party

Note: There is a small mistake. "1997 Birthday Party" and "1997 Summer School" is before ""Toys R Us" Super Toy Store" and "Saving Plan To Buy SNES".

How often you came upon a person who went from poor to rich?

While I was growing up, I heard stories about Muhammad Ali, American prizefighter who won the world heavyweight title (1964, 1974, and 1978). Went from poor to rich. Also, Pele world famous soccer player. Who play in the Brazil team and that team won multiple world cup trophies in the world cup. Went from poor to rich.

But, think about it. Went from poor to rich. The argument is the dramatic change from poor to rich have made you want to forget about being poor, so you could becomes rich.

What about your close friends? He is still poor while you have becomes rich. He is your friend, so you don't want to hurt him by saying how come he is not rich like you. So, your friends would pretend they are as rich as you, so you don't have to feel bad about hurting them.

At this point of time, I didn't think about "What happen one day your friends stop pretending to be rich like you?"

One day, I got into talk with Coach Sherman during lunch break. I told him I use monitor equipment room in the CPES campus. If it is possible to check out a few basketballs and soccer balls, then I would have my responsibilities and duties to return them back to the equipment room.

"Me and the coaches know you from the PE class. So, yeah we could count on you to do your responsibilities and duties on the bag of balls. Make sure all balls return to the bag. The bag return to the equipment room. If you could keep that routine, then you are in charge of the bag of balls." He said to me.

"Yes, sir. I'll make sure all balls return to the bag. And, the bag return to the equipment room. Thank you for letting us check out the balls."

All of a sudden, in the morning, in front of the locker room, in the basketball courts, students started playing basketball games.

PBMS basketball courts is next to the Recreation Center/Basketball Stadium. Also, that basketball stadium is where me and my team, the CPES Bulls play in the elementary basketball league. This mean the Junior High Basketball League is also in that basketball stadium.

Nevertheless, those basketball courts went from no one play basketball game to students lining up to check out basketballs from the bag of balls. And, students lining up to play in the basketball games. All of a sudden, it is like PBMS is known for playing basketball. Even though, not all of the 8 basketball courts are use up. But, the basketball courts with players have crowd of players waiting to play the next game or students hanging around to watch the basketball games.

What happen to "Wall Ball"? What happen to students watching out for staffs and playing game in secrecy?

Who would have guessed it was me who brought out that bag of balls that started all the basketball games? Yet, this is my first year in PBMS. I'm not a star basketball player like Adam Maze and Skill. In the coming up content, "Hopes of Meeting Adam Maze Again" I will be writing about daring myself to practice basketball. At the same time, I know how hard Chung have to struggle so that the adversities and bad lucks stop happening to our family.

But, Ho's friends, Abraham and other Hispanic friends. And, my friends, Mario Sanchez and Edger Gomez. They only play soccer. How did I got mix up in playing basketball? Who know that I know how to play soccer?

I tune-in to watch the soccer games in the world cup every four years. And, I would make bets with my siblings on the team that would win the world cup trophy. There were a few times I won my bet on the team that would win the world cup. I bought a soccer ball in a "Yard Sale". I used nylon strings to make a bag for it. Maybe it is hard to tell I could play soccer. So, I didn't show off my soccer ball and its bag.

I would argues if students look hard enough, then those students would know I started all the basketball games, because I'm in charge of the bag of balls. Example: When students are returning the balls to the bag, those students are return the balls to me.

In "Weary Background Weary Thoughts", I let Manuel Delgado in my circle of friends. He is consider as a large (or fat or overweight) student. There is another large student, Alex Herrera. I have got into talk with him multiple times during classroom time. He told me his house is like across the street from my apartment, "The Monterey".

I would argues if you have enough man powers, then you don't have to be afraid of the criticisms against you. There might be criticism against Alex for being large (fat). But, add him to my circle of friends mean more man powers to my circle of friends.

The argument is from poor to rich, things would be a bit strange. Example: My circle of friends have mixing slim and large argument and mixing different racial argument.

On my birthday, May 03, 1997, I invited Mario Sanchez, Edger Arenas, and other friends to my birthday party. They all show up. As for my siblings, as usual my siblings would be in my birthday party. My older sister, Bun Hong San work at the Belmont Park amusement park. So, she created my birthday party for me inside the amusement park.

She gave each person who came to my birthday party the following:

Wrist Band: Wearing the Wrist Band you could ride any ride as many times as you want in the amusement park for 1 whole day.

$10 Worth of Arcade Tokens: You could use the $10 Worth of Arcade Tokens to play any Arcades you want in the Arcade Center. There are multiple Arcade Centers inside the amusement park.

Ride Tickets: Each person get some Ride Tickets. If you know anyone who doesn't have a Wrist Band, then you could give them the Ride Tickets to ride the rides.

Food Court Brochures: If you want something to eat or drink at the food court before the birthday party main course, then you could use the Food Court Brochures to get something to eat or drink.

In addition, during my birthday party, she is in charge of the different rides. So, when there are no line on the ride, she would let us stay in the ride when the ride is over. So, we don't have to get back in line to ride the ride again.

On the "Bumper Car" ride, there were multiple times she let us ride the "Bumper Car" 2-3 times in a row before lining up in line again.

Flashbacks while riding the "Roller Coaster" ride. When the ride begin, the first minutes of the ride the "Roller Coaster" would go up a slope at a moderate speed. Also, the "Roller Coaster" pass through a dark tunnel. During the going up slope and dark tunnel while my siblings, Mario, Edger, and my other friends are embracing their fears.

"Edger, is this how you feel like when you were sneaking up on me from behind?" I was tempted to want to ask him that question.

"Mario, is this how you feel like during your first day of PBMS?" I was tempted to want to ask him that question.

Yet, I would argues we were having so much fun that being fearful/afraid doesn't even cross our mind that day.

She would have the birthday party main course inside the Cove (or Treasure Island Cove or Pirate Cove). The Cove is a giant playground with slides. Rubber balls sandboxes. Trampoline. And, other fun activities. Next to the giant playground there is a food court for birthday party. She ordered the main course foods and drinks to be pizzas and soda. After the main course, we would sing the happy birthday song to me and eat the birthday cake.

Come on be realistic. I couldn't even sees any of the female classmates in Mrs. Atwell's class, how could I see Mario, Edger Gomez, and Edger Arenas?

That birthday party was probably the last time we saw each other. Even though, we are still inside the PBMS campus and see each other all the time. Yet, we had so much fun that day, it didn't even cross our minds that is the last time we would see each other.

Back to that argument again, "from poor to rich, things would be a bit strange."

One day, Alex approached in the morning while I was eating my breakfast on a cafeteria table.

"Super Street Fighter Turbo handle game (portable video game). Thought you would be interested." He told me. Then, he handed the "Super Street Fighter Turbo" handle game to me.

Who won't be interested? I mean I'm the champion of the Empty Handed Combat league. "Street Fighter" is like the Empty Handed Combat league.

I remember I played "Street Fighter" on my cousins, Kay's, Kingsley's, and Kevin's SNES for the whole day from morning to evening.

Now, I could bring the "Street Fighter" handle game with me everywhere I go.

I didn't sees it as a coincidence. I think he must have known about my background to able to find something I'm interested in.

I finished my breakfast in a hurry. Then, I started playing it as I'm walking to the basketball court. At the same time, I'm talking with him.

Midway to the basketball court, he told to give it back to him afterschool.

"We could walk together also. I have some games I'm currently playing at my apartment. Maybe you might be interested." I suggested.

He agree with my suggestion of walking back to our homes together.

Coincidentally, when me and him got to my apartment, Apartment #7. The apartment building is called "The Monterey". His brother, Jose Herrera is also at my apartment. Jose know Du and Miguel, so either Du or Miguel have invited him over.

After we done talking, Alex told me that he live just across the street, so I could show him the games I'm playing some other time. Then, he told me I could have that "Super Street Fighter Turbo" handle game.

All of a sudden, I'm dazed for a moment. What just happen? How come all of a sudden, I made a friend and I have a "Street Fighter" handle game?

Back then, me and my siblings love playing all kinds of video games. Including handle games. I mean it is nice to have it and I would play it a lot. But, I would ask him the next time I sees him if he wanted back. Or, is this how people think of me? To be my friend, they have to give me something I like?

I like talking him, because we able to laugh at each other jokes. Such as we know when we are joking around.

1997 Summer School

When Chung obligated me to the "Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet Obligation", he told that my focus is study hard in the school. That is what I should focusing in.

Even though, looking at what is going on in my life at this point of time. I would argues I can't constantly talking about the problems in my life. Because it is upsetting and degenerating. The following is what I wrote in "Talking About Empty Handed Combat League Transition":

[My 1997 Situation Recaps Begin]

Losing an Empty Handed Combat fight could mean I'll be sleeping on a bed in the hospital recovering from the fight injuries. Also, I have the responsibilities and duties to regulated the Empty Handed Combat league.

There are pressures pressuring me to be place at a higher class than ESL class. Yet, I'm already an ESL student constantly looking for help on my study just to pass my ESL classes.

Like I wrote above, there are conspiracies against me and arguments against me.

I have served a lot of Student Service positions. And, I have led students to serve in the Student Service. In the CPES campus.

I'm a champion in the Empty Handed Combat league. Mrs. Mullenix gave me High Achievement Awards each months in the award ceremony during my fifth grade year (1995-1996). And, I have the Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet Obligation to consider about.

[My 1997 Situation Recaps End]

But, if Chung is right about the good looking face blessing, then someone might sees that I have a good looking face and sympathize my situation. This mean that person could create an opportunity for me to able to focus in school and study hard on my school subjects.

Even though, the argument is my life is cursed with overwhelming odds and too much pressures. This mean my life is hopeless. Yet, I'm not giving up and still thinking I could have a chance on education. Is it because of what Chung told me? Or, is it because of equality and civil rights?

To have a bit of control over the very confusing, I have to says that the general public perspective see me as a person who is very lost and don't have a direction in life. In other words, who give respect to a person who is very lost and don't have a direction in life? Would anyone says that he or she have very little respect from his or her surrounding?

Yet, I wanted to argues that I have no intention to create more problems in my life. And, make people disrespect me even more. So, despite what I heard about the criticisms against students who goes to Summer School, I still wanted extra study by going to Summer School.

Mrs. Atwell usually give me what I request. So, when I requested her that I want to go to Summer School, she signed me up for Summer School.

I forgot who is the teacher teaching that Summer School class. But, since I was hoping Mrs. Atwell is that teacher. So, in my memory, I wanted the memory to be her as that teacher.

Nevertheless, I do what I can to find out who is going to Summer School, so I could plan ahead. I decided to try to becomes friend with James (I forgot his name). He have Hispanic background. Because he look familiar. Also, he told me he use to play soccer with me back in CPES.

When the Summer School begin, while inside the classroom, all of a sudden, I felt like he is in my shoes and know what I'm going through. So, he know I don't remember him.

He is in my shoes, so he won't says, "Remember that soccer game our team won. And, made Ivan and his friends have to beat up Christopher. Or, you have already forgot about it?"

Yet, he didn't tell me to remember him or his friends. He would tells me to remember the names of the world famous soccer players. If I could get the names of the world famous soccer players correctly, then he would give me something.

On and Bint was successful in their import business is more than skills and keen sense. They have connections such as they know how to make friends. Example: Beside On's and Bint's teamwork. They would teamwork with their connections to create a smooth operation through the borders.

James reminded me of the stories of On and Bint. Because James is a team player. Watching James I felt that me and him could be like On and Bint.

Coincidentally, me and him are at the same age as On and Bint. When On and Bint started their import business.

The Summer School is 6 weeks long. How much money can me and him make in 6 weeks doing the import business?

Come on. He is only breaking the ice quizzing me the names of the world famous soccer players. Those quizzes are saying he care about the soccer players. I don't even remember his name, how could I remember those world famous soccer players' names?

Coincidentally, after a week, I got all the names correctly. Because I have watched the World Cup soccer games in the past.

"You told me you would give me something if I got all the names correctly. How about you come with to the Pacific Beach Branch Library?" I asked him.

"At the beginning of class. You didn't know all of their names. Now, you know all their names. That should be good enough." He answered.

Listening to stories of On and Bint is different than doing import business like On and Bint. Now, I don't have to listen to stories anymore. Me and James could experience about import business.

But, in the general public perspective eyes, me and him are very lost. And, don't have a direction in life. Because of the following criticisms: Summer School are for students who are failing classes and falling behind in classes.

In addition, the confusion is because On and Bint is doing their import business, so they didn't go to school.

One day, at the end of class, as me and him are walking out of the classroom. He put on his sunglasses, then he tell me, "Let goes to the library."

"I forgot about him the first time already. Will I forget about him again?" I thought to myself.

In the library, me and him used the library computers to search for popular items that students are interested. And, items that are accepted as main-stream/trend.

"Why students are interested in "Dragon Ball Z"? It is from the Asia continent. Asia is so far away from North America. So, no one heard of it." I thought to myself.

"That is what all the students been talking about. Dragon Ball Z. I didn't bring much money with me. So, I could only print out some pages." He told me.

Me and him just wanted to have some import business experience. We are not illegally smuggling illegal drugs. Or, drugs that have drug addiction.

I have circle of friends. Parents. Siblings. Cousins. Relatives. James and the philanthropists. They will help me with the import business. They will make sure I'm safe doing the important business. If I fail my import business, then they would help me get back on my feet.

I don't have to do the import business. I could look for a different job.

What if I study hard so I could go to college or university? What if I practice sport hard so I could becomes a world famous athlete?

I would argues that people would look at #1-3. And, don't care about the following: No matter how much I complained about my situation.

On and Bint only have themselves. And, they don't have contact with their family. The import business is their way of making a living. If something happen to their import business, then they don't have foods to eat and no place to sleep.

Who would be successful in the import business, me or On and Bint?

Will me and James be successful in the import business like how we won the soccer game?

When the Summer School is over, I told him that I'm going to look into the import business. At the same time, I'm going to import "Dragon Ball Z" merchandizes.

Is it James' influence on me during the Summer School that made me started the import business?

Is it too much spirit on winning the World Cup talks that made me started the import business?

My answer is students wanted "Dragon Ball Z" merchandizes. I'm only meeting the demand. Coincidentally, collecting "Dragon Ball Z" merchandizes is like my hobby.

After I made my decision to be in the import business, I talked with my parents, Chung and Nghim. And, my older sister, Bun. About looking for import business connections.

Chung, Nghim, and Bun brought me from San Diego to Los Angeles (LA). Chung is driving the car. To check out the import business.

In LA, they talked with the LA relatives about finding import business. Me, Bun, and LA uncle went around LA looking at the import business. After I looked through a few storage places (small warehouse) of imported merchandizes. I told Bun I'm looking for "Dragon Ball Z" (DBZ) and "Dragon Ball GT" DBGT) merchandizes.

Me, Bun, and LA uncle came to a storage place with a lot of DBZ and DBGT merchandizes. I bought 20 DBZ regular Cut Out Stickers. And, 40 DBZ large Cut Out Stickers. 50 cents each for the regular. 1 dollar each for the large. A total of $50. I paid the importer the $50.

Because Bun and LA uncle doing most of the talks for me, so I didn't talk much with the importers. Also, what if there are problems with my information on the import business? Example: No one believe my stories on import business.

What about the import fees? Shipping and handling fees? Storage rental fees? Taxes? Human labor fees? Do I have to pay all the people who helped me? What is the car gasoline cost for driving around LA?

On and Bint only have themselves. And, they don't have contact with their family.

The way I sees it. The 60 DBZ Cut Out Stickers cost more than $50. But, I only spend $50 that day.

The school begin, on September 1997. At the beginning of school I would sell those DBZ Cut Out Stickers in the PBMS campus.

The regular ones I sell it: $1.50 for the rare (main characters) and $1.00 for the common.

The large ones I sell it: $3 for the rare (main characters) and $2 for the common.

James and his friends would be my first customers. He would bought 2 large ones and 3 regular ones. And, his friends bought a total of: 5 large ones and 10 regular ones.

After multiple weeks, I have 10 large ones left. So, I decided to keep the last 10 in my DBZ collection.

Me and James went form printing DBZ pictures in the PB Branch Library computer to selling DBZ Cut Out Stickers in the PBMS campus.

Coincidentally, about a month later (October 1997), "Name of the Game" store on Garnet Avenue have a new store owner, Chris.

I remember occasionally I would stop at "Name of the Game" on my way walking to PBMS campus in the morning. I would buy comic books from the old owner in the morning before my school begin. I would use those comic books to make trades with my friends and classmates.

The clearance boxes of comic books are at discounted prices. The old owner would told me where those clearance boxes are located in the store. Beside the old owner telling me where the clearance boxes location and ringing me up. We didn't talk much. So, I don't know why he sold the store to Chris.

I decided to go to "Name of the Game" and sees if Chris have remodeled the store or not. While looking through the store, I saw 2 bundles of DBZ Bookmarks (sticker-based). And 1 bundle of DBZ Magnets. DBZ Bookmarks bundle have 50 individual packs. Each pack have a paper envelope package and a DBZ bookmark inside it. DBZ Magnets bundle have 50 individual packs. Each pack have a paper envelope package and a DBZ magnet inside it. $9.99 for the DBZ Bookmarks bundle. $7.99 for the DBZ Magnets bundle. I only brought $20 with me. So, the first trip I bought the bookmarks bundle and magnet bundle. Second trip, I bought the bookmarks bundle.

Chris was with his mother inside the store on their grand opening day. Coincidentally, I bought all their DBZ products.

Because there were still students in PBMS campus asked me if I still sell DMZ products. So, I decided to sell the DBZ bookmarks and magnets. 50 cents for an individual bookmark pack. 50 cents for an individual magnet pack.

After multiple weeks, I sold all 50 magnets. I sold about 60 bookmarks. I still have about 40 bookmarks leftover. I decided to keep those 40 bookmarks in my DBZ collection.

I only heard stories of On and Bint doing their import business. Is this how import business is like? What if I partnered with James on our import business, would we be like On and Bint?

Saving Plan To Buy SNES

Coincidentally, after I started going to "Plaza Donut" with Bun. (It is equivalent to I started going to "Toys R Us".) I started collecting the "Dragon Ball Z" trading cards (sticker-based).

The following are the reasons:

[How I Begin Collecting DBZ Trading Cards? Begin]

My parents often go to the Asian (Chinese or Vietnamese) supermarkets to buy groceries. So happen around those Asian supermarkets, there are imported merchandize stores (or toy store). And, Chinese News Stands (or stores). Those News Stand is like imported merchandize stores but since it is a stand so it is smaller than a store. My father, Chung Wun Lam buy Chinese Newspaper daily at the Chinese News Stand. So, each time he go to the Asian supermarket(s), he would buy Chinese Newspaper in the Chinese News Stand.

Sometime my parents would bring me along with them to the Asian supermarkets. There are times I would ask them for permission to have a quick look inside the imported merchandize stores. They usually would let me have a quick look. So happen, I sees a lot of "Dragon Ball" series merchandizes in those imported merchandize store(s) (or toy store).

I think maybe because Chung buy the Chinese Newspaper daily, because the News Stand manager have friended with him. Whenever he brought me with him, that manager lady would give me "Dragon Ball Z" trading cards (sticker-based). Each time she would give me about 4-8 cards. If Du and Ho is with me, then she would give us each 2-4 cards. After having some "Dragon Ball Z" trading cards from that manager lady, I started buying more "Dragon Ball" series trading cards from the vending machines that I came upon from differents stores.

[How I Begin Collecting DBZ Trading Cards? End]

But, I don't know much about "Dragon Ball Z" TV Series. My thoughts are "Dragon Ball Z" must be a highly acclaimed TV Series in Asia continent. A TV Series evolved around epic fights with epic and legendary characters.

When me, Ho, and friends saw the "Dragon Ball" series video games on the "Gamepro" magazines. We would immediately tore those pages out of those magazines. We would place those "Dragon Ball" pages on the front of our folders. Or, draw drawings to look like those "Dragon Ball" pages.

The title of the video game is called "Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout" (1997). But, we don't know where to watch the "Dragon Ball Z" TV Series. How could we play the "Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout" video game?

This mean talking about "Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout" is like daydreaming or dreaming.

"What if the video game is really like the TV series? You could fly around in the air and shooting energy-balls out of your hands. Must be a dream come true for every video game player to play it." I would thought out loud when I came upon the "Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout" in the "Gamepro" magazine.

Ho immediately reach over to the magazine and tore off that page and place it in front of his folder. That "Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout" page is very important to him. Because it is an inspiration for him to draw "Dragon Ball" series characters drawings.

One day, in Mrs. Atwell's classroom, there is a student, Vincent (I forgot his name). He just arrived in the USA from Japan. Also, he have Japanese background. He brought a Japanese Version SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System) and "Dragon Ball Z: Hyper Dimension" with him.

I been having high math achievments and high grades in general in her class, so she rewarded me with the following: I could play some video game with Vincent.

"Come on. "Dragon Ball Z: Hyper Dimension" is a dream come true video game for many players in the North America. Because you can't play it in North America. This mean any players who have it would play it a lot and very skillful at playing it. I'm not going to make myself look like I have never seen a video game before while playing it against Vincent." I thought to myself.

Yes. I'm very amazed by it. And, excited about it. But, making fun of myself is a different thing.

Vincent show me and a few classmates "Dragon Ball Z: Hyper Dimension" by playing on single player mode. That is as close as I got to know about "Dragon Ball" series video game.

He only stayed in our class for 1 day. After that day, I haven't seen him around.

Afterward, I started brainstorming ways to save up enough money to buy a SNES. I came up with the following:

[Saving Plan Brainstorm Begin]

I still value me and Adam best friend friendship, so selling the Pog collection and Basketball Trading Card collection he gave me would lower the value of that friendship. But, making very few sells that people don't know about. Who would know about it? This mean I must have made sells that I didn't keep record of.

He gave me those things have made me very happy. So, I shared those things with my siblings is equivalent to I'm spreading the happiness. This mean he didn't just made me very happy, but he also made the people that are close to me very happy. Talking about selling those things for some dollars is not worth it. Because it would lower our friendship value. And, stop the happiness. But, what if those things made me able to be recognized as an importer? Example: I'm no longer a country-boy who have never seen Pogs and Trading Cards before. I'm an importer that know the values of Pogs and Trading Cards.

The question, "How does a country-boy who never seen Pogs and Trading Cards before, able to have so many Pogs and Trading Cards? Come on the answer is very obvious, that country-boy steal them. Because country-boy don't know the value of money.

Beside he is my best friend. His very skillful basketball player have made him a honorable person. How could I degenerated him down to a dishonorable person who accused me of stealing?

I keep it at: Yes. Those things he gave me did able me to be recognized as an importer. If selling those things would lead to being accused for stealing. Then, I rather not talk about selling those things.

"Dude, you seen his Pog collection and Trading Card collection, that guy know what he is talking about? Stop accusing him of country-boy lying and cheating to make a living."

With all the accusations of country-boy, stealing, lying, and cheating going on. Those accusations going to create the confusion that making profit is stealing. But, making profit is not stealing. It is the main goal in business.

I go to "Toys R Us" frequently. Whenever I go buy groceries with my parents, I would try to stop by the Asian imported merchandize stores. I have a "Dragon Ball Z" trading card collection.

How come when On and Bint at the age of 13 years old doing their import business, it is stories my father keep telling me and my siblings? How come when I try to do some trading transactions, … fill in the blank? Example: You didn't work hard like On and Bint to have your Pog collection and Trading Card collection, because Adam gave it to you.

I'll keep it at: I'll make enough money to buy a SNES. No more and no less.

When I bought the SNES, Ho and Du would want to play it also. This mean I should ask them to help me save up to buy a SNES.

Having enough money to buy a SNES is not enough, because Chung won't agree with buying a SNES. Because he been trying so hard to stop the adversities and bad lucks from keep happening to our family. So, I think my main focus is to find a way to convince him that buying a SNES will benefit our family.

The things he shown me that day, on July 5th 1994, during the All Day Hike. "The sky watch over everything in the world. So, everything we do in life, the sky know about it." He told me those lines many times during that day.

Picking up sharp objects on the ground, so people don't step on it. We don't do it so that people know that we are doing noble deeds. We do it for the sky. Because the sky see everything and know what is good for all of us.

He still remember what he told me that day. So, if I use what he taught me that day to convince him to buy a SNES. Then, he might just agree to it.

[Saving Plan Brainstorm End]

One day, I told Ho and Du about my saving plan to buy a SNES. The following is the saving plan:

"We would tell our father that our neighbor, John have shown us how to earn some money by picking up empty aluminum cans and empty plastic bottles on the ground. Then, we would tell him to join us. Also, we need him to drive us in his car to Old Town Recycle Center to sell those cans and plastic bottles.

When he sees all the hard work we have done and the money we have earned. He would ask us what we want for Christmas present. We would ask him to take us to "Toys R Us", so we could pick a present in it. By then, when we picked a video game system. It will be too hard for him to disagree with us. So, he would see it as it is the sky's will for us to buy a video game system."

Ho and Du agree with our saving plan.

After me, Ho, and Du have picked up all the empty aluminum cans and empty plastic bottles in our neighborhood, he would drive us to the different parks early in the morning when no one is around during the weekends. Chung would join us and go around the park picking up cans and bottles. We would wear gloves, so we don't get our hands dirty. Because many of the cans and bottles are inside the trash cans.

When we have collected multiple huge bags of cans and bottles. That have filled up the whole trunk of the car. And, back seat area of the car. This mean there is only enough room for the driver and 1 other person. Chung and me would go to the Old Town Recycle Center to sell those cans and bottles. Because I want him to see that me, Ho, and Du are doing it, because it is hard works. We didn't do it for the money. So that he would have sympathy for us. Such as he would feel the pains and hardship we have to go through. Knowing we have went through so much pains and hardship he would feel bad to not able to keep his promise of taking us to "Toys R Us". I would argues that each trip, there should be around $60-80 worth of cans and bottles. But, if I focus too much on the money, then he might think we are doing for the money.

After months of time, me and him have took multiple trips to the Old Town Recycle Center. The total amount of money should be around $150-300. My thoughts are there are enough money to buy a SNES.

"Focus on: "It is my burning heart to have a SNES."" I would constantly keep telling myself. So that Chung won't able to vibe my nervousness on I know he would disagree on buying a SNES.

There are so much "Burning Heart Burning Passion" that he might even be curious about why I'm so interested in video game. Is it possible for him to go from disagree on buying a video game system to want to give video game a try? The answer is by this point, he have seen us went through a lot of pains and hardship on collecting those cans and bottles. So, he would give us the sympathy with achievement come reward. Even if he disagree with buying a video game system.

In past, I went to "Toys R Us" and I rarely buy anything. This time, I'm inside "Toys R Us" knowing I would buy something. There is a promotional deal on SNES and "Killer Instinct" bundle. The promotional deal is buying the bundle you get a free SNES Super Scope and video game bundle. Super Scope is a bazooka (rocket launcher). But, in the game, you use it like a bazooka, rifle, or machinegun. As for Guncon, it is a handgun. Many Guncon Arcades use Guncon. Not Super Scope. SNES bundle cost $150. Super Scope bundle cost $60.

Nevertheless, the goal is I want to buy a SNES. But, it is even better if we could find a good deal on it.

At that point of time (November 1997), I thought it was probably my most happiest Christmas, because I got what I wanted. Finally me, Ho, and Du have our own video game system.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 43" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 03.

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ptts2023 · 11 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 15 ANNOUNCEMENT 01

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 14, 2025

Hard To Explain Transitions

The Transition To Using Computer In Home

The argument in the country-side of Sand Be Vietnam, the houses don't have electricity. It is like the feudal era. Computer is modern.

In addition, me and my siblings most of the time, outside of our apartment, playing and having fun. We don't even spend that much time on textbooks and books. How do we have time for computer?

Going further with this argument, the children in the USA that grow up using computer could use computer much better than their parents and the adults.

In CPES, Mr. Basil Domingo is the computer teacher. From my memories, once in a while, me and the students in my class would go to the computer lab in CPES campus. Each times, the duration is around 20-30 minutes.

Me and the students would play the computer's games. To us it is playing video games. To the CPES it is educational computer's games. The games are "Oregon's Trial", "Gnome Miner", and other games. But, I usually would play "Oregon's Trial" and "Gnome Miner". The Gnome look like Dwarf, so sometime I called "Dwarf Miner".

The computer is called Macintosh (AKA Apple or MAC). Back then, on 1997, the computer's disk is called "Fileware Disk". So, I would ask the computer teacher for the "Oregon's Trial" Fileware DisK or "Gnome Miner" Fileware Disk to play those games.

The husband and wife, Todd and Jill have 2 daughters. Their 2 daughters is younger than my younger brother, Du by multiple years. Du is 10 years old.

Because Todd is an elementary school teacher, so he would said that his 2 daughters could use the computer better than him.

My family bought the Macintosh computer from Todd for a $1,000.

I would defend my family by saying buying a computer is a hard to explain transition.

But, I could vibe the following arguments: Todd's 2 daughters could use the computer better than him. My family is still in the feudal era and don't know the real purpose to use a computer.

To further this argument, me and my siblings only know that there are computer's games on computer.

Because Marc Hua won the elementary school math competition, so he thought he could beat me on the Math Acceleration Exercise during our fifth grade year in Ms. Nancy Reed's class. Not acknowledging my mathematic skill have led to me and him got into a fight during Reese on the CPES campus basketball court.

Afterward, during my fifth grade year, Mrs. Cheryl Mullenix have awarded me the High Achievement Awards each months at the award ceremony. There were the title (or subtitle), "Super Math" on multiple of those High Achievement Awards.

This mean because I have the highest achievement (most high achievement awards) and highest grade at school among my family members, so my parents bought the computer from Todd is because of me.

If my computer skill are lower than Todd's 2 daughters and they are some years younger than me. Then, the argument is I can't live up to those High Achievement Awards Mrs. Mullenix been given to me each months.

The argument is those talks are just breaking the ice talks. And/or, jokes.

I would argues as the acclaimed high math achievement, I should know how much a $1,000 is worth. I should know that my parents bought that computer, because of me. And, I should know that there are pressures on me and my siblings should know how to use a computer.

So, I would look for reasons why that computer and computer accessories is worth $1,000. And, it is a positive thing that my parents bought that computer from Todd.

Afterward, me and my siblings would go around the neighborhood "Yard Sale" on Saturday and Sunday. To look for computer software and hardware to upgrade that computer.

My siblings are Bun, Lieng, Ho, and Du.

We finally found what we were looking for. That "Yard Sale" is from a house that is about 1,000 yards from the CPES campus.

Because that house is so close to CPES campus mean that me, Ho, and Du have walk pass that house almost everyday when we were enrolled in the CPES.

Technically, we should know the owner of that house since we walk pass his house almost everyday.

In the "Yard Sale", me and my siblings talked with the friendly neighbor in charge of the "Yard Sale". He finally accepted what me and my siblings are telling him about looking for an affordable way to upgrade our new computer.

"My rental moving truck will end in multiple days. I can't move everything in my house. Come back on next Saturday. You guys may have all the things that is left in my house. The key to the house is under the doormat." He told us.

Then, he told us that there should be plenty of computer software and hardware to upgrade our new computer from the leftover things in his house.

During the next Saturday, me and my siblings return to that house. Me and Ho climbed the tree and got in his house through the bedroom's window before Bun use the key under the doormat to open the front door.

"What if they forgot to leave the key under the doormat? Not everyday you get free things." Ho told Bun.

"After we get what we want. It is courtesy to clean up a bit after we leave. Because it is generosity and charity that the salesman leave us with free things in his house." Bun told us.

From the look of things, he must be in a hurry on his moving, because he left a lot of things in his house.

We try to look for computer software and hardware to upgrade our computer. We found a lot of computer software and hardware, but we have to sort it out first. Because we don't want to take things that we don't want or need.

We got inside the house at 8:00 AM. We left the house at around 11:00 AM.

My family is 8 family members living in a 2 bedrooms apartment. So, when we are inside a 3 bedrooms 2 stories house. I started having daydream what if I live in a luxury house like this house.

If I really did live in a computer technician house, then I would have some computer background. Yet, for a moment, because I was in hurry sorting out many computer software and hardware, so I felt like I'm related to a computer technician.

If I'm related to a computer technician, then my computer skill could live up to Todd's 2 daughters.

If no one know that my parents bought a computer from Todd. No one know that me and my siblings is inside a computer technician house sorting out computer software and hardware. Then, back to that argument, me and siblings are from the feudal era. Computer is modern.

Talking About Empty Handed Combat League Transition

I would tells myself the following is all in my head:

[Begin]

Picture 01: I spotted my picture in the 1996 CPES Yearbook. Coincidentally, that picture is when I got first place in the CPES panic egg race.

Picture 02: The staffs posted up multiple pictures of the sixth grade camp on the bulletin board, I spotted a picture of me. Coincidentally, that picture is I scored the most points in the Sixth Grade Camp Welcoming Party (AKA Olympic Games) water-gun game.

Being the champion in the Empty Handed Combat league make me sees those 2 pictures as the following: I'm the champion in the CPES campus. I'm the champion in the sixth grade camp.

[End]

I would argues that people could use those 2 pictures to point out that I'm running away from something. But, it is all in my head. Because beside me, who else spotted those 2 pictures?

This mean people don't talk about me, my pictures, and the Empty Handed Combat league. So, what is the transition to talk about the Empty Handed Combat league?

The argument is the pressures in my life have made me serious about my surrounding. Because Mario Sanchez is serious too. So, he is my friend have made me even more serious.

All the seriousness would lead to: My home is at the country-side and forest of Sand Be Vietnam. Sixth Grade Camp. And, Empty Handed Combat League.

How could I explain about I have a circle of friends. A favorited teacher. And, an older brother who is watching over me. In PBMS campus?

What if I live in Palomar Mountain Resort and don't return to PBMS campus? The staffs, trainers, and coaches in Palomar Mountain Resort still remember me? That girl I hold hand with in Palomar Mountain Resort still remember me?

Palomar Mountain Resort bring back memories of the country-side and forest of Sand Be Vietnam.

Coincidentally, a street away from behind PBMS campus. I spotted some bamboo plants. I gathered those bamboo plants. Then, I use those bamboos to make a bamboo sword and popper-gun.

Ho didn't criticized me on making bamboo sword and popper-gun. He use bamboos to make a popper-gun also.

The wet-paper ammunition for the popper-gun doesn't hurt much. You can't find the green seed ammunition for the popper-gun around where I live.

Not long after we made our popper-gun, me and him talking about making a bow. Did we got the idea making a bow from the book, "Hatchet" by Gary Paulson?

One day, as me and him are walking back from school, we stop at Vons supermarket. We bought a bag of wooden kabob sticks. Those kabob sticks are for grilling kabob over the grill. But, we use those wooden sticks to make a bow.

After we done making the bow, we could use the wooden sticks as arrows. The bow and arrows hurt more than the wet-paper ammunition from the popper-gun.

I would argues if I got accused on running away from something. Then, my bow and arrows could be a way for me to protect myself.

So happen, during this same period of time, Bun asked me if I come with her to the Plaza Donut shop in the morning. She would give me donut and coffee. Because she work there in the morning. The shop is located in Morena Drive in Old Town. I replied. Okay.

I remember I was constantly looking for helps in the PBMS campus to help with my study. Constantly looking for ways to improve my study. And, working on crafting a kabob stick bow. Then, I suddenly woke up inside Bun's car. I have came with her to the Plaza Donut shop at 5:00 AM in the morning. I have slept in her car for around 1-2 hours. At around 7:00 AM, she would bring me donut and coffee. She get off work at 10:00 AM.

While waiting for her to get off work. I used a cardboard box as a target practice. I placed that target practice close to a tree. Then, I started shooting my bow and arrows at it.

In the morning, it is a routine for the construction workers to go to Plaza Donut to buy breakfast and coffee. There were construction workers stop by to watch me shoot a few shots of bow and arrows. Then, they would continue on walking to their works.

I only came with her some times.

Now looking back, I think maybe because I only have my eye on my favorited teacher, Mrs. Atwell. I didn't really look at the female classmates in Mrs. Atwell's classroom and other classrooms. But, is it because of the Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet Obligation? What is wrong with those female classmates?

I would argues because the PBMS know Mrs. Atwell is my favorited teacher, so students, teachers, and staffs know I only have eye for Mrs. Atwell.

During close to the winter holiday break (including Christmas), Mrs. Atwell decided to have a party in her class. Each students is require to bring foods to share in the party.

During the party, she told the class about mistletoe plant. On Christmas if a person stand under a mistletoe, then he or she have to kiss a person close to him or her.

Then, Mrs. Atwell asked the female classmates if any of them want to place the mistletoe above a male classmate. Most of the female classmates raised their hands for Mrs. Atwell to pick on. Mrs. Atwell decided to pick Maya. The whole school know I only have my eye on Mrs. Atwell. Yet, Maya started walking toward me.

Because watching Maya walking toward me is equivalent to this is the first time I have my eye on the female classmates. So, as Maya place the mistletoe above my head. I told Mrs. Atwell. I need a time out.

Me and Mrs. Atwell walk to the hallway. Then, walked out of the hallway. We are outside the classroom building and next to the library. So, the classroom can't hear our conversation.

For some reason, it seem like she is a movie director. Asking me if I forgot my lines in the screenplay. But, are we inside a movie?

Yet, since all the people know I only have eye for her. Including her. This mean she already know why I wanted to talk with her outside of the classroom building.

"Could you come up with something to cover up on what happen?" I asked her.

"I'll try. But, it is supposed to be a very special moment for those girls."

Then, she told me that she would punish me on what happen to make up for those girls' special moment. So, the classroom could continue with the party. I agree with her plan.

Inside the classroom, she told Maya and the students that she have verbally punished outside the classroom building. And, will give me more punishment to make up for what happen.

After that day, I realize I only have my eye on Mrs. Atwell.

Later on, someone took a picture of me. Then, posted up on the bulletin board. That picture is I'm lining up in front of the library. This mean there are students around me.

On 2022, I look at that picture again. I finally saw Maya is standing in front of me. Maya is with her friend, Tina (Indian girl, I forgot her name) in that picture.

What if I sees Maya and Tina on 1997?

Right now (2025), recalling from my memories. The following are Mrs. Atwell and some of those female classmates description:

Mrs. Atwell have blonde hair and Caucasian background. Those classmates have black hair and darker skin than Mrs. Atwell. Also, most of them have Hispanic background. Tina have black hair and darker skin than Mrs. Atwell. But, she have Indian background. I don't know if there were more girls that have Indian background or not. In Mrs. Araico's class (Social Study Class), there is a Vietnamese girl, Nguyen (I don't know her name.) Nguyen have black hair and her skin is in between Mrs. Atwell. And, Maya and Tina. Mariah (I don't know her name) is Jerime's cousin. One side of her parent is African-American, so she have half African-American background. African-American have black hair and dark skin. As half African-American her skin is not as dark as African-American. Like the Indian background, I don't if there were more female students that have Indian background and African-American background or not.

Skin Color: 5 is very dark. 4 is dark. 3 is medium dark. 2 is average. 1 is pale (light peach).

Optional: If you have average or pale skin, then you could get a tan by exposing your body under the sun or get a tan from the tanning cosmetic care store. The tan would make your skin medium dark. (Later on contents, I will write about Jerime (I don't know his name.)).

African-American: 5-4 Half African-American: 4-3 Indian: 4-3 Hispanic: 3-2 Vietnamese: 2 Caucasian: 2-1

The following are conspiracies against me in Book 2: Retarded Child Conspiracies, Devil's Sons Conspiracies, Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies, and Inferior Background Conspiracies.

The following are arguments against me in chapter 1 of this book: Weary Background Weary Thought Argument and Peer Pressures Argument.

Because I only have my eye on Mrs. Atwell and she is my favorited teacher. I think she is a good looking teacher and I could talk with her more openly than other teachers. Also, she have blonde hair and Caucasian background.

Coincidentally, Mrs. Atwell is the only blonde hair with Caucasian background in her classroom. Most of the female classmates have Hispanic background in her classroom.

So, the misunderstanding is I set my goal too high. So, the high goals have degenerated the female classmates to not important. And, creating problems to them.

There are pressures pressuring me to be place at a higher class than ESL class. Yet, I'm already an ESL student constantly looking for help on my study just to pass my ESL classes.

Like I wrote above, there are conspiracies against me and arguments against me.

I have served a lot of Student Service positions. And, I have led students to serve in the Student Service. In the CPES campus.

I'm a champion in the Empty Handed Combat league. Mrs. Mullenix gave me High Achievement Awards each months in the award ceremony during my fifth grade (1995-1996). And, I have the Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet Obligation to consider about.

I would argues that #1-5 outweighed the misunderstanding.

Who took that picture of Maya and Tina standing in front of me and posted up in the bulletin board? Who have seen that picture?

During 2022 when I look at that picture again, then I finally saw Maya and Tina. So, how long have Maya and Tina have been following me?

Burning Heart Burning Passion

"Toys R Us" Super Toy Store

The following are my seize the opportunity motivational speech:

[Begin]

Looking through the arguments in "Hard To Explain Transitions", the inferior background constantly fighting for an opportunity could be argued as the path of the inferior background is filled with tough struggles, beating the odds, and a lot of pressures.

A better solution is to say that the path of the inferior background have no promises (guarantee) and it is obscurity. This mean the inferior background could end up on an unfavorable path. And/or, misguided path.

In Chapter 01, "Lingering Problems In the Passing Storm", I wrote the following: "So, I think I'm going to live an irony life like him. This mean because I been telling myself that my inferior background would only led me to a life full of regrets. So, I'm going to I live a life full of regrets."

A life full of regrets is an unfavorable path and/or misguided path.

Because I been telling myself I'm going to live a life full of regrets is equivalent to I want to have acceptance and forgiveness on whatever path I'm on, because as inferior background I don't have much choices.

Come down to: I have to seize the opportunity and able to forgive myself on whatever happen to me.

[End]

I go through so much troubles to constantly telling myself the "Seize the Opportunity Motivational Speech". Yet, I vibe that one glance at my life, people would argues that my life is the following: "What do I get to loose, but to dare to dream?"

Where is the "Burning Heart Burning Passion" came from: "Seize the Opportunity Motivational Speech" or "What do I get to loose, but to dare to dream?"

Those who dare to dream... fill in the blank. Those who seize the opportunity... fill in the blank.

What make me so special that I get to have "Burning Heart Burning Passion"?

But, not that long ago, I was once in the same basketball stadium as Adam Maze and Skill. Even though, I only scored 6 points in a basketball game.

Does the "Burning Heart Burning Passion" belong to Adam or Skill? What happen if they don't want it and it goes to waste? Why do I still brought up Adam name, have I not cost him enough pain? Yet, I would argues that you need to have "Burning Heart Burning Passion" to score as many points as Adam or Skill in a basketball league game?

Like I wrote above, "Come down to: I have to seize the opportunity and able to forgive myself on whatever happen to me."

Coincidentally, Bun have changed from working the morning shift (open up the Plaza Donut shop) to night shift (close up the Plaza Donut shop). Like before, she would asked me if I want to come with her to work. She would give me donut and coffee. The night shift is 5:00 PM to 10:00 PM. I replied. Okay.

She told me she would work with the donut shop owner, Chan (or Aunt Chan) from 5:00 PM to 6:00 PM. When Aunt Chan left, then I could come into the donut shop. She gave me a pager to remind me. At around 6:30 PM, she would use a telephone to call my pager. When my pager beep (or if I keep it on silence, then my pager vibrate). Mean Aunt Chan have left the donut shop.

About 1-2 streets away from the donut shop. There is a super toy store, "Toys R Us". I decided to go to "Toys R Us" until 6:30 PM.

This is my first time inside "Toys R Us". After walking through many aisles of shelves filled with toys, games, and fun activities in general. I would daydream about one day I could work in "Toys R Us". Because working in "Toys R Us" mean I will be around toys, games, and fun activities in general all the time.

For a moment, I felt like the pirate ship have found the very hard to find treasure island. Is there a treasure island story where the explorer who found treasure island get to live in the treasure island? Or, does all good things come with a price?

I keep it at: When my pager beep I'm leaving this place like it or not. But, I could still come back, because Bun work "Plaza Donut" night shifts almost Monday-Saturday.

After visiting it multiple times, I would picture if I was to work at the Floor, then I will be walking through each aisles. Checking to see if I need to straighten the shelves. And/or picking up toys (merchandizes) on the ground.

At this point of time (1997), I still don't have the computer skill to inventories check. But, by the time I'm old enough to work in "Toys R Us", I should have those computer skills and all the required skills to work in "Toys R Us". This mean working in "Toys R Us" don't have to be a daydream. Example: Working in "Toys R Us" could be argued as the explorer who found treasure island live in treasure island.

I'm living in a world where I'm being pressured by a lot of pressures and I'm struggling through the obligated obligations in my life. All of a sudden, I'm in treasure island and I could leave all the pressures and obligations behind. Even though, only for about 1 hour and a half. But, why keep telling myself to seize the opportunity if I'm not planning to seize the opportunity?

Is this it, the Great Neng? Who work the Floor in "Toys R Us"? The tough struggles and beating the odds is equivalent to I meant to do great things in life.

It is hard to explain why I felt that I'm happy with coming to work the Floor in "Toys R Us" each days.

In addition, at that point of time, I have the following denial: Inside "Toys R Us", I have becomes a different person and I have pretended all the pressures and obligations in my life doesn't exist.

Am I missing out on the fun activities or all children like fun activities?

Furthermore, inside "Toys R Us", there is a section of the store that focus only on video games, video game systems, video game accessories, and video game in general. That section is like a video game store attached to "Toys R Us". I spend most of my 1 hour and a half in that section.

SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System) Demonstration Station: I play the video games on this station the most. The following are the video games I played: ""Donkey Kong Country", "Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest", "Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!", "Disney's Toy Story", and "Super Metroid". 16-Bit Video Game System.

Sega Genesis Demonstration Station: I played "Sonic the Hedgehog" and other video games on this station. There are video games available for SNES are available for Genesis, vice-versa there are video games available for Genesis are available for SNES. 16-Bit Video Game System.

Sega Saturn Demonstration Station: I played "Virtual Fighter" and other video games on this station. Genesis and Saturn is created by Sega. But, Saturn is a more powerful video game system. 32-Bit Video Game System.

PlayStation SCES (Sony Computer Entertainment System) Demonstration Station: I played "Twisted Metal", "Crash Bandicoot", and other video games on this station. 32-Bit Video Game System.

Nintendo Gameboy Demonstration Station: The Gameboy is a portable video game system.

Those are the demonstration video game system stations available at the beginning on when I just got to "Toys R Us" on 1997. As time go on, there are new video game systems available for demonstration. The demonstration stations give players a chance to play the video games or video game systems before buying it.

The argument is in the Arcade Center, you have to insert Quarters (USA Coins) into the Arcade (Video Game System) to play the Arcade video game. In "Toys R Us", you could play those video game system demonstration station for free.

I would argues that the "Burning Heart Burning Passion" is to buy a video game system. Because my cousins, Sandy, Vin, and Thai have their own NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) video game system. I have played their NES before. In addition, my cousins from Los Angeles (LA), Kay, Kingsley, and Kevin have their own SNES video game system. They have brought their SNES from LA to my apartment (San Diego) and I played their SNES before.

But, I don't want to complain about it. Because I already have a lot of pressures and obligations in my life.

Furthermore, me and Ho, during Lunch Break in PBMS campus, we would read the new release monthly video game magazines, "Gamepro" and others. Most of the time, we read the "Gamepro" magazines.

This period of time is when I just barely started going to "Toys R Us". So, I didn't really talk much about going to "Toys R Us" with Ho and my friends.

The following lines are motivation to beat the odds: 1. "What do I get to loose, but to dare to dream?" 2. "Bunning Heart Burning Passion." 3. "Darkest hours, before dawn." 4. "Get rich or die trying." And, so on.

Those motivational lines is equivalent to the fire that inspired you to do great things.

The opposing force are people who live wealthy life and want to have a safe vacation. During their vacation, the riot break out and ruin their vacation.

So, they would criticized "Burning Heart Burning Passion" created the riots and radicals. The following are criticisms against "Burning Heart Burning Passion": You stink. You shitty. You are the ghetto trashes.

I'm just a 12 years old boy. I don't have a lot of powers and connections. The argument is all I have is "Burning Heart Burning Passion".

Because in the Empty Handed Combat fights, the crowd of students would cheered my name. So, I felt like a celebrated champion. It would be contradicted if someone criticized me as stink. Shit. Shitty. Ghetto trash. And, so on.

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 41" continue TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 02.

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ptts2023 · 13 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 10

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 12, 2025

Book 3: Dream of Country-boy Table of Contents: Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 38 Introduction A. An Act of Mercy On Myself B. No Feedback And No Income Pressures Chapter 01 [1.] My Older Brother Showing Me Around PBMS [2.] New School New Ways Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 39 Chapter 01 Continue [3.] The Mourning Hours For the Passing Storm A. Lingering Problems From Passing Storm B. Talks of Building A House Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 40 Chapter 01 Continue [4.] Weary Background Weary Thoughts [5.] Gold Ring And Silver Bracelet Obligation

Weary Background Weary Thoughts

Weary Thought 01: "Why don't you tell the poor trash collector woman that the world is filled with abundance? Collecting trashes is a very poor job."

Weary Thought 02: "Your family have been running away from me for many years. I finally caught up to your family. Running away from me for 1 year is already enough pains to tormented your whole family to death. Just imagine the pains of many years would be like?"

Weary Background Argument: This argument is how could a very poor place have a very beautiful baby? To not answer this question you have to keep self-criticize yourself with your weary thoughts.

The argument is the constant self-criticizing yourself with your weary thoughts is equivalent to you are asking people to criticize you with their weary thoughts.

To stop the "Weary Background Weary Thoughts" to continue, I would tells myself the following:

[Begin]

[End]

In addition, there are students in the PBMS campus want to get into a fight against me. Or pick a fight against me.

When students see me. And, hear stories about me. In addition, PBMS know that Mrs. Atwell is my favorited teacher.

Those students either want to criticize me and/or pick a fight against me.

As for my friends, they became close friends with me and watch over me. Their protection have made them know a lot about me. So, whenever I let down my guard or made a mistake. Is creating pains to their life.

The Peer Pressures Argument is students want to pick fight against me have created pressures in my life. My friends' protection by watching over have created pressures in my life.

Getting defeated by "Weary Background Weary Thoughts" and Peer Pressures Argument is equivalent to getting beat up in an Empty Handed Combat fight.

I have to stop dwelling on "Weary Background Weary Thoughts" and Peer Pressures Argument. And, I would keep it at: The refuge family's obligation is I have to struggle/strive hard to make up for the inferior background.

Me and Mario Sanchez became close friend. We would watch each other backs.

If one of us is in a fight, then we would jump in the fight help each other out. Or, if we are outnumbered in the fight, then we would go get reinforcement.

I'm also friended with his cousin, Edger Gomez. Like me and Mario, Edger is ready to jump into a fight to help each other out.

Mario is serious and don't talk much. Edger is friendly and occasionally would joke around.

I friended with Edger Arenas, because of the 1 Versus 3 fight, I know Arenas could fight. Also, it is hard to break his grab. I remember I made him fell to the ground and he still have his grab on me. Since I beat him in the 1 Versus 3 fight, he know I'm a better fighter than him. So, he would follow my leadership.

Throughout the 7 periods from the beginning of school to the end of school, whenever us 4 see other in the hallway. And, in the same class. We would hang out together.

I'm aware that Manuel Delgado and Alex Herrera is consider as large (or fat or overweight). Me and Mario is consider as slim (or fit or toned).

Coincidentally, during the morning and lunch break, Manuel hang out at the same spot as me and Ho. In addition, he sat next to me in multiple classes.

I decided to put the mixing slim and large argument to the side, and let him be part of our circle of friends. I don't know what will happen to our circle of friends with him. Would people create criticism against me? Would our circle of friends break up?

I didn't intended to break up with Mario, Gomez, and Arenas. Vice-versa, they didn't intended to break up with me.

Mario, Gomez, and Arenas have Hispanic background. I have Asian background.

Because of the Mixing Different Racial Argument, Mixing Slim And Large Argument, and other arguments. I have to be ready for criticisms, fights, make new friends, and break up old friends.

Because that day Mrs. Atwell escorted me from the restroom back to her classroom and the fight didn't broke out. So, that day could argued as there were no fight. Even though, I vibe that me and Mark was outnumbered in the restroom.

During the sixth grade camp, students are put into different houses. You have to take shower, sleep, eat, and so on with your house for the whole 5 days duration.

Ryan (I don't know his name.) is in the same house as me. There were students who was homesick in our house. He was making fun of those homesick students. The way I see it. If you are homesick, then you already feel bad about staying in the sixth grade camp. So, being made fun of would make you feel even worse about staying.

After the sixth grade camp, one day, in the boy locker room. He was saying something to me. So, I thought he wanted to pick a fight against me.

"If you want to fight me, then let do it outside the locker room." I told him.

He made a karate move and add in his own sound effect. So, I thought that he was just joking around. So, I walked away from him. I think it is the memories of him making fun of the homesick students in the sixth grade camp that made me think that he is picking a fight against me.

The sixth grade camp is all the sixth graders in PBMS and other middle schools in San Diego will camp at Palomar Mountain Resort for 5 days.

Me and the sixth graders know that we only stay 5 days in the Palomar Mountain Resort during the sixth grade camp. So, the friends we made is only temporary and last for only 5 days.

Beside Ryan made of fun of the homesick students. I had a great time in sixth grade camp and had happy memories.

Gold Ring And Silver Bracelet Obligation

Our family occasionally have family meetings. In one of the meetings, my father wanted our family's plan to have a saving for emergency. So, our family agree with his plan. He saying gold is a safe and stable investment.

So, instead having saving bonds in the banks. Our family bought gold as a saving plan.

I would argues I'm only 12 years old. I don't have a lot of powers and connections. So, I just go along with our family plan.

One day, Chung gave me a gold ring and silver bracelet. When our family is buying gold in the jewelry shop, jewelry shop manager gave our family discount on accessory jewelries such as rings, bracelets, necklaces, and so on.

So, he bought me a gold ring and silver bracelet. I didn't ask him or Nghim, what did they bought for our siblings.

In "Important Note 11", "Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet Obligation" I wrote why he bought me the gold ring and silver bracelet.

When he gave me the gold ring and silver bracelet he told me he is the most handsome among his 6 brothers. I'm the most handsome among my 3 brothers and 2 step-brothers. He told me to wear the gold ring and silver bracelet as a reminder of having a good looking face. In addition, when I finish with the PBMS years and MBHS years. In my college or university years, the girls would line up to want to be my girlfriend.

In a way, it is like a promise. The promise is if could keep my obligation, then there would girls line up to want to be my girlfriend in my college or university years.

Like I wrote in Book 1, it is part of the family custom, he would tells stories to individual or a crowd of people about the roads he have traveled, the places he have been to, and/or life experience in general.

In addition, he would have very important consultant meetings to consul individual's or group's life.

Beside telling stories and consultant meetings, he would do his fathering responsibilities by given me and our siblings lectures and lessons.

Good Looking Faces Family Trait Reminder: To have a good looking face is a blessing. Blessing mean a good thing. Our ancestors have done a lot of noble deeds for generations/lifetimes. That is why our family have good looking faces.

He tells me and our siblings the "Good Looking Faces Family Trait Reminder" a lot as I was growing up.

I don't want to be a disrespectful son, so I would keep quiet and listen. But, is it really a blessing to have good looking faces?

So happen, he would tells the "Good Looking Faces Family Trait Reminder" to me more than our siblings. The following is his reasons: He told me that people been giving him praises that he is the most handsome looking among his 6 brothers. People been giving me praises that I look like him. Also, I'm the most handsome looking among my 3 brothers and 2 step-brothers.

My weary thoughts are what if time have changed the value of good looking faces? What if good looking face value in the society no longer like "Good Looking Faces Family Trait Reminder"?

Like I wrote above, in "Weary Background Weary Thoughts", only his true son that really care about him would sees that he is living an irony life and he is begging people to help have revenge against the pressures in his life. In addition, I constantly looking for supports/helps, so I could barely help myself. This mean I can't be that true son to help him take revenge against the pressures in his life.

What if I broke up with my circle of friends. And, Mark couldn't go get Mrs. Atwell in time. Then, I probably be sleeping on a bed in the hospital recovering from the injuries from the fight in the restroom. Instead of talking with him.

Without talking with him is the same as he didn't gave me that gold ring and silver bracelet.

Yet, I could picture him saying is it because I have a good looking face that is why I was able to have that circle of friends. That is why I know Mark would able to get Mrs. Atwell in time.

But, I don't want to be a disrespectful son and get into an argument against him for giving me a gold ring and silver bracelet.

In the general public perspective in Sand Be Vietnam, people don't see that he need help to have revenge against the pressures in his life. People might think he is a great storyteller on the hard lessons on life. Also, the things he said in the consultant meetings are very important.

I can't keep dwelling on the following ("Weary Background Weary Thoughts): The bad lucks and adversities supposed to kill Chung. But, he overcame the bad lucks and adversities and it have made him and our family into a refuge family. As a refuge family we have to keep overcoming the bad lucks and adversities in our life.

I keep it at the following: After my mother, Sok Nghim Hoi have finished with the adult school. She was able to get into an employment training program. So, the program was able to help her to find a job working at "Good Will" store. "Good Will" is a store that sell used items.

As for Chung, he didn't go to the adult school like Nghim. Because he have to learn how to speak the English language on his own, so he still learning how to speak the English language. This mean he stay home. Doing the house chores and babysit our baby brother, Mon Hong Lam. Mon is only 1-2 year(s) old, so he needed someone to babysit.

Putting the general public perspective in Sand Be Vietnam to the side, looking at my family's incomes, my family would consider as a low income family.

Yet, Chung have high hopes on me and he wore the gold ring and silver bracelet on me to remind me of the high hopes he have on me. I didn't reject it or argues that is it too hard for me to carry through with those high hopes.

Even though, he said Mon is the only family member have met the requirement to be elected as president of the USA. To give our family hopes on overcoming the adversities and bad lucks in our life. But, it could be argued as he is having high hopes on Mon on becoming the president of the USA.

As for Mon, he is only 1-2 years old. He still learning how to walk and talk. He can't argues about the high hopes on becoming the president of the USA.

I would argues because I didn't take off the gold ring and silver bracelet. And, I'm trying to look for educational TV programs on TV for Mon, so he could continue with his high hopes. Would argued as I can't tells the different between: achievable goals and goals that are too high to achieve. This mean I need to straighten my priority. And, I don't have the mathematic skill to be acclaimed as the highest math achievement among the students at my school.

Looking at this argument, I would argues that the high hopes on me and Mon is a motivation for our family to overcome the adversities and bad lucks in our life. In other words, people can't expected me and Mon to able to carry through with those high hopes.

On 1997, the following channels available for a TV that is plug into a cable socket on the wall: Channel 06: FOX, Channel 07: NBC, Channel 08: CBS, Channel 10: ABC, Channel 11: KPBS.

Yesterday (6/11/2025) I look through some of the websites on the TV channels (on the Internet), I couldn't find the list of channel number and broadcast station name. Also, I couldn't find any old (1997) TV Guide magazine(s) at my house.

So, the list of the TV Programs, channel numbers and broadcast station names is all based on my memories.

As I was telling my parents the suggested TV Programs for Mon to watch, I started looking through the 1997 Cable TV plans. At the same time, I know that in a lot of families watching TV is consider as a reward. For adults watching TV is consider as entertainment.

The misunderstanding is parents think that my parents let me watch as much TV as I want.

After my family subscripted to a Cable TV plan, I suggested the following channels for Mon to watch:

Channel 06: FOX: There are cartoon programs in the morning time and evening time.

Channel 10: ABC: There are educational children programs in the morning time.

Channel 11: KPBS: The argument is many families only need this channel for educational children programs.

Channel 33: Nikelodeon: This channel is like KPBS. There are a lot of educational children programs and cartoon programs.

Channel 62: Cartoon Network: Children like to watch cartoon programs. Cartoon Network have mainly cartoon programs.

Channel 68: Disney Channel: My family 1997 Cable TV plan doesn't have this channel. Later on this channel is available for my family Cable TV plan.

First thing first. Mon have to be 4-5 years old to start watching TV programs.

On 1997, he is only 1 -2 years old. So, in the following chapters when he is old enough to watch TV. Then, I will write more about the TV programs he watched during those years.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 41" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 15 Announcement 01.

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ptts2023 · 15 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 09

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 10, 2025

The Mourning Hours For the Passing Storm

Lingering Problems From Passing Storm

Oxford Dictionary: Mourning -noun the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died, typically involving following certain conventions such as wearing black clothes.

"The Mourning Hours For the Passing Storm" mean to take a moment in your life to be thankful for getting through a tough time in your life.

Many contents in Book 1 is about living in the country-side (Sand Be Vietnam) and the dreams about the USA immigration.

Book 2 continue right after Book 1. The beginning of Book 1 is me and my family just immigrated to the USA. So, it evolve around going to school in Crown Point Elementary School (CPES) and the struggles until CPES is like a second home.

Reading through Book 1 and Book 2, me and my family have went through a lot of struggles. Some of those struggles are consider as tough struggles. Storm is a metaphor for tough struggles. Passing storm mean got through the tough struggles.

Me and my older brother, Ho have accustomed to the PBMS campus. In addition, he introduced his friends to me and I was able to have a chance to get to know his friends. As for me, I have made new friends.

While inside the storm. The storm have passed. Is 2 different things. I would argues that me and my family got caught in the storm mean me and my family are the victims of the storm. But, like I wrote in the Introduction, "No Feedback and No Income Pressures", because I have no feedback on my PTTS posts mean that I don't know who have read this healing process. Even though, it is posted Online, on the social network website, tumblr.com. Online mean anyone in the the world could read it. So, no feedback could be argued as who know that me and my family are the victims of the storm.

Back then on 1996 and right now on 2025 is 2 different period of times.

Back then, it is very obvious that if USA didn't provided helps to me and my family then we won't be able to adjust to living in the USA, because we didn't know how to speak the English language.

Right now on 2025, if a scenario that forced a whole community of people to erase all history of their background. Then, that scenario would lead to the following very confusing question: What if me and my family got blamed for creating the storm? The following reasons are why this question is very confusing: Because me and my family are victims of the storm, so we needed as much help as possible. It is a contradiction that me and my family created the storm.

During that point of time (1996), I was 12 years old. I don't have a lot of power and connections.

The argument is the best friend friendship Adam Maze agree with me is just as good as being a grand champion that have an undisputed winning streak in the Unofficial Junior Local Empty Handed Combat League.

The Pog collection he gave me.

The Basketball Trading Card collection he gave me.

Without knowing about my history and his history, #1-3 could argued as I owe him.

Taking All The Heats For the Team Conspiracies: Because I gave the permission to Coach John to have the CPES Bulls basketball team, so I owe Adam for able to carry the team to the Final in the Fourth Quarter. Instead of the embarrassment of getting crushed at the beginning of the First Quarter. Because he is one of the players who scored most points in the elementary basketball league. Also, his father is have an upper management position in the elementary basketball league management. So, he should be acclaimed as a very important player or the most important player. And/or, being awarded with basketball league awards. But, he got scolded by his father at the end of the league season. Read Book 2 Chapter 5, "CPES Basketball Team" for more information.

Our best friend friendship is in my fourth grade year (September 1994 to June 1995). As for my fifth grade year, I didn't get a chance to talk with him from September 1995 to my graduation in CPES (Class of 96 Graduation) (June 1996). The same with the elementary basketball league, I didn't get a chance to talk with him.

The argument is I owe him from #1-3 and I owe him from "Taking All the Heats For the Team Conspiracies".

This argument would lead to I'm a gold digger. I should stop taking things from him. So, I should stay away from him.

To me, I could vibe the Gold Digger Argument. But, I'm 12 years old. He is 10 years old. What can we do about the Gold Digger Argument?

For argument sake, his very skillful basketball skill have made him a honorable person. As a honorable person, he doesn't want to accuse me as a gold digger. But, as a 10 years old can he stop adults that have high rank positions from accusing me as a gold digger?

Friendship Agreement Side: How come you and Adam are best friend, you pass his apartment multiple times and you didn't let him know you know where he live?

Gold Digger Argument Side: Are you a gold digger, why did you have to find out where Adam live?

What if he is like me not important enough to be notice? Because he is my best friend, so I think that he is a famous basketball player. But, I'm the only person who acknowledge him as a famous basketball player.

That is why I didn't talk with him to avoid being accused as a gold digger. Even though, me and him are best friend. So, during my PBMS years, I didn't keep in touch with him.

The sayings, 1. "The higher you are, the harder you fall." 2. "The farer you try to run away from death, the closer you are to death."

The stories my father told as I was growing up are like those sayings.

Because he constantly fighting very hard against the pressures in his life. But, those pressures are creating a lot of pains in his life and weighing down on him.

This mean he live an irony life. He constantly trying very hard fighting against the pressures in his life, but those pressures are creating a lot of pains in his life and weighing down on him.

It is hard for people to believe those stories. So, people think that he is teaching painful and hard life lessons when he is telling those stories.

As his son and able to feel his pain. I have to interpret those stories as he begging people to help him have his revenge against those pressures that are creating a lot of pains in his life and weighing down on him.

As for me, at that point of time, my life is like those sayings also. Because after I look through the following adversities and problems in my life:

I would argues Sand Be Vietnam is a poor country-side. But, it is hard for the most beautiful and beloved baby in Sand Be to point out the poverty and famine in the third world countries. Because how could it be possible for a very poor place to have a very beautiful baby?

I have won my fights in Empty Handed Combat fights and bamboo sword combats in Sand Be.

I have won my fights in the Empty Handed Combat fights in the CPES campus in the USA.

I would argues that I'm constantly looking for helps/supports. This mean I could barely help myself, how could I able to sees that Chung's need people to help him take revenge against the pressures in his life.

Chung live an irony life. Because he constantly fighting very hard against the pressures in his life. Yet, those pressures are creating a lot of pains in his life and weighing down on him.

So, I think I'm going to live an irony life like him. This mean because I been telling myself that my inferior background would only led me to a life full of regrets. So, I'm going to I live a life full of regrets.

Because he have wives, sons, and daughters. He have friends and connections all over the world. He have a build up status that have a lot of powers and respects. He is a fatherly figure and philanthropist in Sand Be and Ho Chi Minh. He get to tell his stories regularly to crowd of people in Sand Be. He have consultant meeting with his friends. So, even if he live an irony life. It is hard for people to tell that he is living an irony life.

I won't be able to live an irony life like him. Because he is my father. I'm only 12 years old. I don't have a lot of powers and connections. I would argues that it is too hard for me to live an irony life like him.

What I want to says people only sees the children with inferior background as nothing but troubles. As for those children with inferior background, to overcome the discouragements, those children have to have the courage to step up and struggle hard in life in order to make up for having inferior background.

In addition, those children have to be positive about life. Be vigilant at all time. And, have to have keen sense.

But, what if those children are put in a scenario, Seize the opportunity Versus Can't make a wrong step or can't make a mistake?

In Sand Be Vietnam, there are talks that living in the USA and able to have the USA education is a dream. What I got to loose, but to dare to dream?

Instead of tormenting myself with I'm going to live an irony life. I would be grateful/thankful about the passing storm.

Talks of Building A House

One day, Me, Ho, Du, and Miguel are walking in the alley way of Grand Avenue. To acknowledge that we have got through the storm. We started talking about our near future. Because me, Ho, and Du have to sleep together in the living room of our apartment. So, in our talk, we talk about building a house. Since children most of the time start out building a house by building a tree house. So, we talk about building a tree house.

To overcome the discouragements, our talk have to be very certain with a lot of confidence. Even though, it is only talk of building a house.

Then, we started boasting about our tree houses that we are going to build. The boasting is to make our tree house as the best among our tree houses.

"You guys could stop arguing about who tree house is the best. Because I'm going to show you guys the tree I'm going to use to build my tree house. It is perfect for building a tree house. Come on. Let hurry. I'll show it to you guys." I told them.

That tree is located on Kendall Street. The closest cross roads are between Hornblend Street and Grand Avenue.

Even though, that tree is very close to our apartment. And, we pass by it all the time. But, they all glazed at the tree when I show it to them.

That tree is next to a porch of an apartment. The branches and leaves of that tree is wide enough to cover most of that porch. There is an old man living in that apartment. There are times you could see him sitting on a chair in that porch.

"To build a great tree house. You need a great tree. Show me a better tree." I told them.

"What about that old man? It is at his porch, so he own that tree." Ho told me.

"Come on. Be serious. If that old man know that tree is the perfect tree house. Then, he would be happy for us." I answered.

I gave that old man a wave. I don't know his name. So, I'm going to call him as John.

"We were just saying the tree at your porch is a great tree." I told John from a distance.

John gave me a gesture to tell me come over to him.

"I think he want you to go over to him." Miguel told me.

"He like our neighbors. Since he live so close to our apartment." I mumbled. Then, I started walking over to him. I got next to him.

"I sees you kids play around here all the time. My niece and nephew not going to visit me for awhile. So, watching you kids keep me company. So, you kids were talking about this tree?"

"We were just playing around about finding a tree to build a tree house. Anyway, hope your niece and nephew visit you soon."

"My niece and nephew are older than you. But, your company reminded me of them. Come back tomorrow same time as today. If you want to earn some coins."

I walk back to Ho, Du, and Miguel.

"What did he tell you?" Miguel asked.

"Something about he is waiting for his niece and nephew to visit him. I supposed he is not alone." I answered.

I didn't tell them about the earning money part, because I still don't know what John want me to do to earn money. Putting the harsh judgement to the side, we are just children playing around.

The next day, at the same time, I went to John's porch again. When I'm at his porch he show me a container of coins he have collected.

"Bring me a plastic shopping bag filled with emptied cans. I will give 50 cents for that bag. I will pay you separately for each emptied plastic bottles. I could make use of my container of coins. Also, I could have some company before my niece and nephew visit me." He told me.

"Okay. I'll return when I get a bag filled with emptied cans. And, some emptied plastic bottles."

I hurried away from his porch. Then, I started searched around for emptied cans and emptied plastic bottles. I would begin the search in my apartment.

The argument is the Pog collection Adam gave me is around 100 Pogs. The Basketball Trading Card collection he gave is 50 trading cards. I could sell each Pog for 50 cents or more. I could sell each trading cards for cheap. When I know the value of those trading cards, I could sell it at a higher price.

Would people have harsh judgement against me for selling Pogs and Basketball Trading Cards? Or, would people see it as children doing a fundraising to make some money?

As for John, he is an old man. So, people not going to make harsh judgement against him.

I would argues that I don't want to think too much about the "Lingering Problems From the Passing Storm". I'm only 12 years old. I don't have a lot of powers and connections.

John want to do some trades with me. So, I'm going to do some trades with him.

I ignored the following criticism: If I started picking up emptied cans and emptied bottles. Then, people could criticized me as a trash collector. On and Bint are importers. Not trash collector.

I would ride my bicycle or skate on my rollerblade around the neighborhood, and pick up emptied cans and emptied bottles. When I got a bag filled with emptied cans. And, some emptied plastic bottles. I would go to John's porch.

I would trade the bag of emptied cans. And, emptied plastic bottles. For coins. 50 cents for a bag of emptied cans. Each emptied plastic bottles is 5 or 10 cents.

At the beginning, he would told me is it okay if the bag of emptied cans is not completely full. Also, he gave 10 cents for each emptied plastic bottles.

Later on, he told me he almost run out of coins. Also, he lowered the cost of the emptied plastic bottles by giving me 5 cents for each emptied plastic bottles.

One time, he told me that if I can't find him at his porch. Then, I could go to the Old Town Recycle Center to sell emptied cans and emptied plastic bottles for money.

I assume that is where he go to sell his emptied cans and emptied plastic bottles.

Since he want to make use of his container of coins. And, he is running very low of coins in his container.

I slow down on picking up emptied cans and emptied plastic bottles in my neighborhood. And, I only once in a long while I would go to his porch to check if he still have coins and want to make trade with me.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 40" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 14 Announcement 10.

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ptts2023 · 16 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 08

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 09, 2025

Introduction

An Act of Mercy On Myself

In Book 2 Chapter 05, "My Thoughts On Games", I wrote the following: "To move on with my life, I would argues we only live life once. Have family night out with your family. Hang out with your friends. And, play on the playground activities and grass field activities with your family and/or friends. To create happy memories. So, you have memories to look back. Stop thinking too much about the math games, chess, Chinese Chess, and games in general."

I'm 41 years old and in the year 2025. I'm at the year 1996 on writing the healing process. On 1996 I'm 12 years old.

I'm an inferior ESL student with immigrant status on 1996. The argument is right now, year 2025 I'm 41 years old I should able to have the respect that I'm older than 1996 and able to have a better management of my life. Read Book 1 Introduction Part 01-09, Chapter 1, "Emergency" section in Chapter 2. Book 2 Introduction. And, the 14 "Important Notes". To know about my situation. If you have already read it, then you could read it again.

The Great Expectation Revenge Argument accused me on lying about I'm beautiful on the outside and inside. So, the revenge is to make me rotten on the outside and inside.

From #1 and #2, I would argues that I would appreciate any supports. A simple way to give me some supports is to leave me feedbacks.

In the story, "The Boy Who Crys Wolf". The boy crys wolf, so people came to help the boy. But, those people didn't find any wolf. So, when the boy crys wolf again. People think that boy is lying, so no one came to help the boy. The wolf killed the boy.

The Shallow Water Argument is I'm constantly crying about how unfair my life is. Because I have a lot of problems in my life. More problems keep happening to me. Then, a random bystander tell me to stand up and look around me. I'm in shallow water. The shallow water haven't even reach my knee, I'm crying about the water have went over my head and drowning me.

The Great Expectation Revenge Argument and the Shallow Water Argument would lead to a good looking person on the outside, but inside is rotten.

The Modernization Argument is there are surveillance everywhere and background check on everything.

From the Modernization Argument, after people done thorough background check on my family, the Lam family. And, my father, Chung Wun Lam. Those people could create arguments against Chung.

I would argues that I want to show my gratitude as Chung's son. Instead being the Modernization Argument and make arguments against him.

Like I wrote in Book 1 and Book 2, as I was growing up during my childhood, Chung have inspired inspirations in my life, because I didn't just see him as my father. But, also as a great motivational speaker and storyteller.

But, I'm not saying I don't know about those arguments against him.

I would argues if you are in my shoes, then you would understand what I have to go through at that point of time.

To have a father even not the greatest father. The society would not create too much problems in my life. At the same time, I have to deny that I did have wishful thoughts about being in a more wealthy family.

The following are the 2 stories he told me and our siblings the most:

Living By Himself Story: Chung have to make a living on his own at the age of 13 years old without having contact with his family.

How On And Bint Become Rich Bosses In China and Hong Kong Story:

[On's And Bint's Story Begin]

Our older step-brothers, On Lam and Bint Lam. On is older than Bint. Like Chung they have to make a living on their own at the age of around 13 years old without having contact with their family.

For now I will sees that the China currency and Hong Kong currency as the USA currency, dollar. Also, it is approximation.

In each cigarette "bundle box", there are 12 packs of cigarettes. Each packs have 20 cigarettes.

On and Bint would import the cigarette "bundle boxes" from China to Hong Kong.

They would paid $20 for each cigarette "bundle boxes" in China. After they imported those cigarette "bundle boxes" into Hong Kong, they would sells each cigarette "bundle boxes" for $60.

The labor fees is On's and Bint's labor on buying the cigarettes and importing the cigarettes. Finding a good deal on buying the cigarettes. And, finding a good deal on selling the cigarettes.

The import tax (fee) is when passing the Hong Kong border, they would pay the border patrols tax (fee) on importing cigarette.

In China and Hong Kong, it is a compliment to praise a person with the following compliment: "You have keen sense." Keen sense in the Chinese interpretation mean cunningness and sharpness.

If you are not a retarded person. And, have keen sense. Then, you would have a smoother transaction passing through the Hong Kong border. Also, the border patrols won't create problems to you.

In return for the smooth transaction, On and Bint would offer the border patrols packs of cigarettes. And, they would also give the border patrols some money for the smooth transaction.

It is all part of having keen sense. Not being a retarded person. Because being a retarded person waste a lot of time. Even if you have a clean background. If you are a retarded person, then the border patrols going to create problems to you.

To have keen sense, you have to know the import business. You have to know the function on importing cigarette through the Hong Kong border. You have to know the import laws in China and Hong Kong. You have to know how to give and receive. Example: You offer the border patrols some cigarettes and money. In return, the border patrols would make you sure you have a smooth transaction.

Because On and Bint don't have contact with their family, so if they couldn't import the cigarettes, then they don't have money to buy foods. So, their values and beliefs are it is very important to have keen sense.

[On's And Bint's Story End]

Because Chung told those 2 stories the most, so during this period of time (1996-1999), I believe that having keen sense is important.

Coincidentally, I had a grow spurt around this point of time, so I have the same height as my older brother, Ho Hong Lam. Even though, he is 2 years older then me.

In addition, the Pacific Beach Middle School (PBMS) school uniform policy is all students must wear the school uniform.

Because me and him have similar faces, same height, and wearing the same school unifrom. So, there are times when people saw us together, they would give us the compliment that me and him are good looking twin.

Chung think it is a blessing to have good looking faces. He would tell me and our siblings that because our ancestors have done a lot of noble deeds in their lifetimes. That is why our family have good looking faces.

Coincidentally, our relatives are saying I'm the most handsome looking among my 3 brothers and 2 step-brothers. The same with Chung, he is the most handsome looking among his 6 brothers.

In "Important Note 11", "Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet Obligation", I wrote that Chung gave me a Gold Ring and Silver Bracelet as a promise that there will be girls lining up to want to be my girlfriend when I get through my PBMS years and Mission Bay High School (MBHS) years. And, attending college or university.

Looking what Chung saying about it is a blessing to have good looking faces, I could understand why he made me that promise.

To not have too much weights on that promise, "Gold Ring And Silver Bracelet Obligation" I have to sees it as a reminder that me and Chung are the most handsome looking in our family. Because it is a reminder, so I don't have to promise him that I won't talk to any girl until I'm in my college or university years.

Chung wasn't there to help me when Edger, Duong, and Que ambushed me and want to beat up. I have to help myself by fighting back against them.

I'm writing this healing process, because I want a chance to explain about my situation. I don't have feedback mean no one is reading it, so I don't know if I get to have a chance to explain myself or not.

So, the question is does handsome looking face male gender have any value in the society? Would it be fair to says I wasted my handsome looking face?

It is because I wanted to agree with Chung about being blessed about having handsome looking face. Is making me very confusing about why I couldn't even get a feedback on my PTTS posts.

Back then, on 1996, I could still depend on friendship bond. Right now (2025), for many years I been hanging on to the wishful thought that I could get a feedback on my PTTS posts that I have been posting up regularly on tumblr.com. Able to get 1 feedback is equivalent to the first step to able to function in the society again.

In addition, my no feedback situation make me getting hurt more if I got betrayed by a friend or family member. Example: If I asked my family and friends for help, then I would hope they don't think I'm joking around.

My situation would lead to the following arguments:

[Begin]

People would argues it is too difficult to help me. Leave me feedback. And/or, provide me with any supports in general.

So, I would starve to death, because of my situation.

Or, a person have a conscience awaking and kill me as an act of mercy to end my misery.

People would argue that sooner or later I would be so pissed off that I would bite my mother's nipple until her nipple started bleeding.

When I bite my mother's nipple, people would says Chung is right about me biting my mother's nipple.

[End]

From looking at those arguments, I would argues I thoughts it is already painful enough to not able to have a feedback on my PTTS posts for 9 years from 2016-2025. I didn't know it would create even more pains to me.

I can't deny that my situation could mean I'm being rejected by society or casted away by society. If it is a rejection or cast away, then no one know about my situation. This mean people probably not going to read this healing process.

I would deny this unfavorable outcomes if I could. But, letting myself know this unfavorable could happen me is like an act of mercy on myself.

So if it does happen to me. Then, accept death is never something I'm good at.

Why couldn't it just be about leaving a person feedbacks on tumblr.com? Why leaving a person 1 feedback could lead to so many problems?

Growing up during my childhood in Sand Be Vietnam, the talks about able to go to USA and achieved the USA education is a dream.

On 1996, it is hard to say I dare to dream or not. But, now, on 2025, looking back, I would argues that people could argue what else do I get to loose other than dare to dream?

So, I would argues the title, Dream of Country-boy. Might interpreted as I dare to dream. But, like the people's argument, "What else do I get to loose other than dare to dream?".

No Feedback And No Income Pressures

Attacks From Both Sides Argument: Attack From Side 01: If I have your first place championship, college multimedia skills, being elected as college club president, and a good looking face. Then, I would able to be very successful in life. Attack From Side 02: Your first place championship and being elected as college club president is creating problems to you. Your good looking face make you only beautiful on the outside. But, rotten in the inside and a very shallow person. Looking at the problems in your life, you really need to look for helps or supports. But, you trying to help yourself with your college multimedia skills.

I am a very stupid person, because I trapped myself. The reasons I trapped myself is I think that if I self-criticized myself and pointing out the arguments against me, then people might leave me feedbacks. It is very obvious the no feedback and no incomes pressures are only for rich and famous people, because they could support themselves. I don't even have money to buy food. Because I have to ask my mother for money to buy food.

I am unique. There is no one like me. I'm not worthy enough to explain my situation including the problems in my life. I'm not worthy enough to be accepted as who I am. I have to kill myself.

If I continue talking about my situation including the problems in my life, then it would lead to #1 and/or #2.

After I accumulated 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournments. And, I served 4 years as college club president of the Mesa Multimedia Club in San Diego Mesa College.

Side 01: My life is just beginning. I'm still at a lower league. But, my achievements shows that I have a high chance on achieving my goals.

Side 02: I am either a very stoic person. Or, I'm setting my goals too high. Have the pressures I'm dealing with not enough to tell me that I'm setting my goals too high.

After looking through Side 01 and Side 02, I vibe the following argument:

[Lynched To Death Scenario Begin]

The expectation for my achievements is I would return back to my hometown. There would be a parade and celebration for me in my hometown. Even if there are no parade and celebration. I could be expecting congratulations and praises on my achievements.

Because I thought I was a celebrated champion. So, when people criticize my life. I snapped and lost control of myself. I would blame those people who criticized me for flipping my world upside down. Because I'm full of anger and vengeance, so I lost control of myself and started beating up those people.

Since those people already saw what happen, so those people knew I was going to lost control of myself. So, I got lynched to death by the people.

I'm so pissed off I lost control of myself. Then, I get lynched to death by the people.

[Lynched To Death Scenario End]

Question: Do you want to know how hard to get a first place or meeting the standard to be a college club president?

Answer: Come on. You know championship and election come with a price. If it is easy, then everybody get first place and get elected as college club president. Making complains about championship and election would be argued as I don't want to pay the price.

Looking at the Question and Answer, I would argues that the championship topic and election topic is upsetting to talk about. Including sensitive topics.

On 2015, I would argues that no one want to point out the Lynched To Death Scenario. It would create riots and radicals. It would be better to say there is an economy drop, so a lot of people are very upset.

The money and time I put into competing for the first place in the TM Game Tournament.

The presidential standard presidency and time I put into serving as college club president.

Instead continue with #1 and #2, I channel all of it into writing the PTTS posts.

There are days I'm very stress out and cramming my schedule on writing the PTTS posts. But, comparing those stressful days with #1 and #2. #1 and #2 is still harder.

From 2016-2020:

I posted up the PTTS posts on tumblr.com. The Username requirement restriction made me have no choice, but to use the name, TRATCT (Tournament Region And Tournament Celebrity Title). It would be a smoother transaction if I able to stick with the name, PTTS.

December 2016 PTTS Posts: Many PTTS posts about the PTTS activities. The goal is letting the world know about PTTS. If I could achieved discretion/clarity, then it is even better. No feedback and no income. I only have a small amount of funds and I'm living as affordable as I can by living with my father, Chung Wun Lam. Trying to achieve discretion/clarity will take up more money and time. If I was given a chance to talk about December 2016 PTTS posts with investors and/or people who would able to give me supports. Then, since it is an opportunity, so I would says that those first PTTS posts are about discretion/clarity. But, if I was in a discretion/clarity versus meeting the deadline scenario, then I would have to go with meeting the deadline. The duration is about multiple weeks (December 2016-January 2017).

My Older Brother Showing Me Around PBMS

Crown Point Elementary School (CPES) is only 1 class from 8:00 AM to 2:10 PM. Pacific Beach Middle School (PBMS) is 7 classes from 8:00 AM to 2:10 PM. The 7 classes is called 7 periods. First period is class 1. Second period is class 2. And, so on.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday: Period 1, 3, 4, Lunch Break, and 7. Time, Subject, Teacher Period 1: 8:05-9:35, ESL Advance, Mrs. Atwell Period 3: 9:40-11:10, Math, Mrs. Atwell Period 4: 11:15-12:00, Mrs. Atwell Lunch Break: 12:00-12:35 Period 7: 12:40-2:10, Physical Education, Mr. Sloan

Tuesday and Thursday: Period 2, 4, 5, Lunch Break, and 6. Period 2: 8:05-9:35, ESL Advance Reading 6-8, Mrs. Atwell Period 4: 9:40-10:25, Study, Mrs. Atwell Period 5*: 10:30-12:00 Lunch Break: 12:00-12:35 Period 6: 12:40-2:10, Social Study, Mrs. Araico Period 5*: (Draft Technology, Mrs. Heinze), (Music 6-8, Ms. Camblin), (Science 6th, Mrs. Heinze)

About a week before my first day in PBMS. I was thinking about gathering old friends and classmates from CPES and recreate the unofficial junior local Empty Handed Combat league in the PBMS campus.

But, first thing first. Getting to know the PBMS campus first. My older brother, Ho Hong Lam told me he would show me around the PBMS campus on my first day of school.

Back then, on 1996, I could depend on Ho's words. Example: If he tells me he would show me around the PBMS campus, then there is a high chance he would follow through with it.

On the morning of first day of school, me and Ho decided after we pick up our class schedule. We would meet up at the school cafeteria and have breakfast together. As I'm lining up to pick up my class schedule, I would look around to sees if there any students I know from CPES campus.

The following are CPES students I saw:

Male: Alex Herrera, Edger Arenas, Erik Rodriguez-Palacios, Feliciano Cervantez, Franncisoco Ortiz, Michael Figueroa, Agustin Pena, and Oscar Gonzalez

Female: Abigail Izquierdo, Gabriela Uriostegui, Karla Gomez, Jessica Herrera, Maria Salceda, Dulce Gonzalez, Kanda Thomas, Nancie Gonzales, Laurie Marks, Zihuilt Hernandez

I probably didn't sees those students listed above on the first day. But, I saw most of them. Me, Edger, Erik, and Feliciano greeted each other. Not that I think Edger might ambush me again from behind.

The greeting help break the ice and not too nervous about first day of school.

After I got my class schedule, me and Ho eat breakfast together in the school cafeteria.

PBMS have 3 grade level, sixth, seventh, and eight grade. This is my first year, so I'm a sixth grader. This is his third year, so he is a eight grader.

Since he already been in PBMS for 2 years, this mean he know what is going on in the campus. So, it is not first day of school for him. Also, he could show me around the campus.

The combination: First day of school. I don't know what is going in the campus. The seventh and eight graders are older than me. And, the PBMS campus is 6-7 times bigger than CPES campus.

That combination made me felt like I'm in another world. New activities. New customs.

After breakfast, me and him went to the grass field, we have to walk pass the PE grounds to get to the grass field. As we walk passed the PE grounds, he told me that me and him would be hanging around the PE grounds during the morning.

His friends, Abraham and a few students are waiting for him in the grass field.

In the grass field, him and Abraham gave each other a greeting hug. Then, me and Abraham shook hand.

The way I sees it. Abraham and the other students speak Spanish and have Hispanic background. So, they are playing soccer like the Spanish speaking students in CPES. Since they are waiting for me and Ho, so they stopped playing soccer in the grass field to greet us.

The way how Ho and Abraham playing around with each other. I could tells they are close friend. Like Ivan Castillo, Abraham is the group leader in the grass field.

Anyway, I didn't ask Ho why me and him didn't hang out in the grass field. Instead, we hang out in the PE grounds.

The first weeks of school morning routine is after breakfast, me and him would go to the PE grounds.

There are 2 main PE grounds. It is located on the front and back of the locker room. Front of the locker room PE grounds are close to the basketball courts. Back of the locker room PE grounds are close to the classroom building.

Me, him, and the students are hanging out on the front of the locker room PE grounds.

When there are no PBMS staffs around the PE grounds, the students would play "Wall Ball" with a blue rubber ball. The blue rubber ball is a little bit smaller than a tennis ball.

The following are the "Wall Ball" game rules:

[Begin]

"Wall Ball" could play with any number of players. Most of the time, there are 10+ students playing it.

A student start the game by tossing the ball against the wall.

After the ball bounce off the wall. When a student caught the ball. All the players must run to touch the wall immediately. The last player to touch the wall will loose the game.

The penalty for loosing the game is you stand next to the wall with your face facing the wall. Then, a player who caught the ball last. Standing 6 yards away from you would toss the ball at you 1 time.

Trying to catch the ball is like the objective. But, if you don't want to loose the game, then don't try to catch the ball and get ready to touch the wall.

[End]

Since me and him is hanging around the PE grounds, so me and him would play "Wall Ball".

I only trying to catch the ball if after it bounce off the wall and it is close to me. Also, I would make sure I don't stand too far away from the wall.

When the staff(s) approach the front of the locker room PE grounds, a student would make a loud whistle sound with his fingers to signal "Wall Ball" game that staff(s) are approaching.

When the whistle is blow the person who have the ball would put that ball into his pocket immediately. All the students in the "Wall Ball" game would stand around like they are hanging out in the PE grounds.

The argument is because "Wall Ball" have to play in secrecy make students want to play it more.

When the morning school bell rang to signal the beginning of school (first period), he told me to meet up with him on lunch break (12:00 PM). During lunch break, me and him would hurried as fast as possible to the lunch assembly line. After we got out lunches, we would look for each other.

After me and him done eating our lunch in the cafeteria, he would show me the regular hang out spot to hang out during lunch break. That spot is in the PBMS library. It is better to be the first ones in the library. The following are the reasons: 1. You could get the most comfortable seating area in the library. 2. The library only have 1 copy of the new release magazines. So, you get to check out the new release magazines first.

New release magazines are only available for checking out to be read inside the library. After 2 weeks from the new release date, then you could rent it and bring it home with you.

I think the lounging area inside the library is the most comfortable spot.

New School New Ways

The prince of Empty Handed Combat? What about what happen to Adam Maze, could I just let it go?

Would people believe that an average school could have so much high hopes?

The argument is to adjust to the new school I have break the customs.

My class schedule show that I have Mrs. Atwell as my teacher for 4 classes (period) out of 7 classes.

This mean I will have her as my teacher Monday-Friday.

Would she put me as the leader in the math activities like Mrs. Mullenix in my fifth grade year?

Is she like the fifth grade teacher aid, Ms. Krista a good looking teacher that students like?

Even though, it is only talk that Francisco Ortiz want to date Ms. Krista. But, the talks mean you could have feeling for your teacher beyond gratitude and respect for your teacher.

If Mrs. Atwell is as pretty as Ms. Krista, then I want to make sure I beat Francisco on making her remember me as her favorited student.

Coincidentally, after I saw that Mrs. Atwell is a very pretty teacher. I noticed I don't have enough friends to defend my title, winning all my fights in the Empty Handed Combat league.

The students in Mrs. Atwell's class:

Male: Mario Sanchez, Edger Arenas, Manuel Delgado, Alex Herrera, Mark (I forgot his name), Carter (I forgot his name), Ishi (I don't know name), James (Hispanish boy, I forgot his name), Michael Figueroa, Agustin Pena, Oscar Gonzalez

Female: Daisy Gomez, Maya, Tina (Indian girl, I forgot her name), Nguyen (Vietnamese girl, I forgot her name), Adriana, Yesenia, Mariah (Jerime's cousin, I don't know her name), Nancie Gonzales, Maria Salceda, Dulce Gonzalez

There are more students. But, those are some of the students I noticed.

In addition, because I have Mrs. Atwell for 4 periods, so throughout those 4 periods, there are students switching in and switching out of her classroom. So, it is hard to keep track which students is in which period.

I got into talk with Mark. In the talks, I told him I regulate Empty Handed Combat league, so I get students want to request fight against me all the time.

First day of school, I want to make sure I don't get into any fight.

Because I have Mrs. Atwell for 4 periods, so I want her to favorited me as her favorited student, so having fights in her class would make her want to kick me out of her class.

He understand about my situation.

The argument is I'm nervous on my first day of school. I'm only pretending I'm not nervous. Also, when I'm nervous I would talk.

Floor 1 (1F) have 8 classrooms, 2 restrooms, and 3 stairwells. The restrooms and stairwells are at each ends of the building. The third stairwell is at the middle of the building. Floor 2 (2F) is the same as 1F. So, there are a total of 4 restrooms in the classrooms building. But, running from 1 end of the building to the other end take about 1 minute. You only have 5 minute in between period.

If the restroom you are in is too crowded and you still have time left. Then, run to the other end of the building.

In Book 2, I wrote that on 1992, I just immigrated to the USA and I still learning how to speak the English language. That is why I was having a hard time defending against Shamar Banks who want to pick a fight against me in the restroom.

Yet, I felt like it is going to happen again in PBMS campus.

While I'm in the restroom with Mark. I told him if he could go get Mrs. Atwell to come to the restroom.

A minute later, Mrs. Atwell called my name outside of the restroom. So, I walk out of the restroom. She escorted me back to her classroom.

It is still only first week of school. When I have more friends, then me and my friends could protect each other.

After first week of school, I made friend with the following students: Mario Sanchez, Edger Arenas, Manuel Delgado, Alex Herrera, and Edger Gomez

After I have friends, me and my friends would watch each other backs.

Mark switch to a different class. So, me and him didn't get a chance to becomes friend.

There are 2 students with Japanese background, Carter (I forgot his name) and Ishi (I don't know name). They switch out Mrs. Atwell's class too. Carter and Ishi have Asian background. I have Asian background. The stereotype is Asian are good at school, so I could be placed in a higher level class than her class. Because her class is an ESL (English As A Second Language) class. So, I should switch out her class like Carter and Ishi. After Carter and Ishi switched out of her class, I'm the only student with Asian background in her class.

But, I would argues I really like Mrs. Atwell and her class. Vice-versa, Mrs. Atwell have noticed me among her students.

More or less, I could feel the pressures about being at a higher level class. But, even in Mrs. Atwell's ESL classes, I would argues that I'm an ESL student, I been constantly looking for ways to improve my study. Yet, as an ESL student I could feel the pressures that I need to study harder. Because of the pressures on being at a higher level class, it is hard for me to says I have to study hard to keep with other students.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 39" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 14 Announcement 09.

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ptts2023 · 18 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 07

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 07, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Chapter 03: 1993-1995 Chapter 04: 1993-1995 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 34 Chapter 05 [1.] Sacrifice Versus the Fruit of Knowledge A. President of USA B. Not Ignoring the Pains Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 35 Chapter 05 Continue B. Not Ignoring the Pains (Continue) [2.] CPES Basketball Team Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 36 Chapter 05 Continue [2.] CPES Basketball Team (Continue) [3.] My Thoughts On Games Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 37 Chapter 05 Continue [3.] My Thoughts On Games (Continue) [4.] CPES Gratulation Party

My Thoughts On Games (Continue)

Continue where I left off.

Like I wrote in Book 1, I have nightmares during my sleeps and I'm haunted by ghosts during the nighttime in Sand Be Vietnam. When my father is on his Hong Kong trips, my mother would sleep me, Ho, and Du. There are nights, the nightmares would make me cried and can't go back to sleep. So, she would comfort me back to sleep.

When my father is not on his Hong Kong trips, she would let me sleep with her and my father. On their bed.

It is very hard for me to picture me biting my mother's nipple until her nipple is bleeding. Example: I was very glad to have a mother who would comfort me back to sleep after the nightmares have made me cried and can't go back to sleep. In addition, if her other sons is like me, then she probably won't able to have some sleep. Because she have to comfort her other sons to sleep also.

The way I see it. My father's painful lesson mean that I have to step up to manage my life.

Math games including chess could be argued as entertainment (fun activities and leisure activities) and/or rewarding activities.

But, if you are as good as Chung on playing Chinese Chess, then math games including chess could be argued as a career. Example: Playing games including chess to make a living. A career in developing games.

I didn't ignore that Mrs. Mullenix gave me prizes for winning the math games. Students gave me praises for winning the math games. Also, I have the most wins among all the students in her class and I have beat all the students in her class. But, I didn't says I'm as good as Chung on playing Chinese Chess.

What I'm trying to says is I need more evidences to says I'm as good as Chung on playing Chinese Chess. Beating all the students in math games in Mrs. Mullenix's class is not enough evidences.

As for Todd, he is a teacher. So, it is different than winning against the students in Mrs. Mullenix's class.

But, Chung have beat Chinese Chess players who have higher rank than Todd. Since Todd is still practicing how to play chess. If you see chess as Chinese Chess. Then, Todd would lose to Chung in Chinese Chess, because Chung is a Chinese Chess champion.

Thinking too much about it would lead to the following argument:

[Begin]

I'm telling myself and pushing myself to train very hard. The hard training will make me becomes a champion in the future. In addition, people will know my name. And, I will be rich and famous.

But, after the pushy promise and very hard training. I became a poor and infamous person. People don't know my name. And, I'm a loser and nobody. I'm so upset at myself I would bite my mother's nipple until her nipple is bleeding.

[End]

Instead of thinking too much about it. I see me versus Todd in a chess game as a coincidence.

When I got to Todd's apartment. I rang his door's bell. He opened the door. He told me to make myself comfortable like it is my home.

As I'm making myself comfortable in his apartment, he told me he been playing against the Chess Master Electronic portable chess game for the last few days to hone his chess skill.

Like I wrote above, I see me versus Todd in a chess game as a coincidence.

Cool portable chess game electronic. This mean if you set the difficulty on the highest difficulty, then it is like you are playing against the world famous chess champion.

Well, that could be true. I'm only setting at the beginner level. I'm already having a hard time winning.

For some reasons I rather play against a person than against electronic device. But, I didn't tell him that.

After he done playing against the electronic. Me and him got into a chess game.

Because he is having a hard time winning against the electronic. So, if I play like the electronic, then I have a high chance of winning. Electronic's moves have lesser risks. This mean if I don't take risks on my moves, then I have a high chance of winning.

After many moves, I made a checkmate move and won the game.

"I just started self-taught myself how to play chess not that long ago. You just started playing chess not that long ago. So, we are about at the same level."

"It is written on the cover of the chess box. Chess is a game about skill. Not luck. So, I don't think you got lucky. Be happy. Congratulations. You are good at playing chess."

After a quick chat, I left his apartment.

To the world, I'm an inferior ESL student with immigrant status. Only me and him know that I could play chess.

Before my cousins, Sandy, Vin, and Thai move out of our the apartment complex building. They use to have a "Connect Four" board game. I remember each time I play "Connect Four", I would win. So, I should save my money to buy a "Connect Four" board game for now. Come back to chess when I'm older.

After I was able to save some money, I didn't buy a chess set. I bought a "Checker" set and a "Connect Four" board game.

After I got many victories on "Connect Four" and "Checker". I would open up and not afraid to talk about the playing card custom during Chinese New Year. Because it is consider as gambling. The following are the reasons: On Chinese New Year, it is a tradition for the adults to give red envelope with money inside to the children. In Sand Be Vietnam, on Chinese New Year, it became a custom to play "Playing Cards" games. Because the children have red envelopes with money, so the "Playing Cards" games is playing for the red envelope's money.

Because of the Chinese New Year "Playing Cards" custom, so me and my siblings became good at math games, "Playing Cards" games, and games in general. For some reasons, people only talk about my father is a Chinese Chess champion. Instead of talking about chess and Chinese Chess. That is why I secretly self-taught myself how to play chess.

In addition, from my observation on the Chinese New Year "Playing Cards" custom, if you are the house, then most of the time you would win more than you lose. But, to be a house, you need to be skillful at dealing cards. Make sure people don't cheat. And, have enough money to cover all the bets from the players.

This custom is in Sand Be Vietnam. Sand Be is a country-side. It is so far away. Also, country-side. This mean the argument is no one heard of this custom before. So, whenever I'm explaining about this custom I felt like I'm talking to myself.

Because of the laws against gambling, so I felt that it is ethical and modern for me to explain about this custom. The misunderstanding is people think I'm becoming like Marc bragging (boasting) about how good I am at math games and "Playing Cards" games. But, Marc's spelling bee competition first place and math competition first place is different than the math games and "Playing Cards" games. The misunderstanding would create problems and confusions in my life.

This mean I'm taking risks by I'm going through the troubles to explain about the Chinese New Year "Playing Cards" custom. But, instead of ethical and modern, the misunderstanding is creating more problems and confusions in my life.

The argument is I'm hustling people by saying I'm only a beginner chess player. Then, during the chess game, I know how to use famous chess moves that only advance chess player know how to use.

I keep it at: I didn't intended, but playing chess have to be a secret.

To move on with my life, I would argues we only live life once. Have family night out with your family. Hang out with your friends. And, play on the playground activities and grass field activities with your family and/or friends. To create happy memories. So, you have memories to look back. Stop thinking too much about the math games, chess, Chinese Chess, and games in general.

CPES Gratulation Party

This is the last section for Book 2. I'm going to wrap up Book 2 in this section. I would argues I could look for more events during this period of time, but I have already covered most of the important events.

What I wanted to says is the happy memories made me have a hard time moving out of CPES campus. Also, to me and the regular students, CPES campus is like our second home.

Coincidentally, getting close the gratulation party (June 1996), my older brother, Ho Hong Lam came to visit me in the CPES campus.

"The CPES playground must look small comparing to the PBMS playground. There are only a few changes after you left." I told him.

More or less, I was hoping he doesn't tell me to forget about the CPES campus and get ready for the PBMS campus. So, I'm trying to make it seem like CPES campus still having something worth staying.

He told me he will race me in the new "Race Track". I replied with even though, it is only a few painted lines on the playground. But, it is a noticeable race track.

Even though, during my third grade, Mrs. Garrey think Alex's running have form and structure. But, I would argues I could out run him. If I beat him on running, then I'm the fastest runner in the CEPS campus.

Because Ho is my older brother, so I didn't keep track who won in the race. After me and him have 2 races. A fat boy, Fatso (I don't know his name) wanted to pick a fight with us.

I told Ho. I handle it by myself. This shouldn't be happening.

"Alright, Fatso. Since you are so fat. I'll give you free punches at me first. I won't fight back."

Fatso made many punches at me. I dodged all his punches.

Then, I started making a punch at him at a time. During each punch I would tell him, "I'm over here."

Then, he started crying. Shamar Banks and Fatso are the only 2 students that I have made cried in a fight.

I think that scene happen is because Ho is in the campus.

I ended the fight. I told Fatso the fight is over. He could stop crying.

There are still fights to be fought. But, I did hope Ho didn't have to see that fight.

Even though, I'm touring him around the CPES campus and he already know about the CPES campus. But, my actions is saying I need him to tour me around the PBMS campus. Because I'm going to PBMS campus soon. Yet, he is my older brother he would watch over and tour me around the PBMS campus.

On June 1996, before the gratulation party, all the fifth graders (Class 96) decided to go on a field trip, "The Wave" water park, together.

The first time me and my family went to the Belmont Park, amusement park. I was very happy and had a lot of funs. Even though, I only rode a few rides.

In the "The Wave", I could ride all the rides as many times as I wanted. Also, those rides are much more fun.

In addition, it is a hot Summer day. Because all the rides is in the water. Staying in the water make you stay cool from the hot day. So, staying in water the whole day add more fun.

The Wave: The Wave is the main pool. The giant pool wrap around the water park in a circular shape. The reason it is called the Wave is because the giant pool have currency like the wave in the beach. The currency make the giant pool more than just a giant pool. Example: You could sit in a round rubber tube and the currency would take you around the giant pool.

The rides are like giant slides. Slide inside a long tube. Sitting on a round rubber tube and slide down a long slide. And, so on. Most the rides end at the main pool, "the Wave".

The combination: The fun and excitement from the rides. And, staying in water the whole time to stay cool from the hot Summer day.

That combination made me felt like I live in a fantasy world that is filled with water.

To go with this fantasy world, I pictures all the rides and the currency in the main pool is not operated by machinery. But, by supernatural power.

Because of the fantasizing, so the whole time I felt like I'm in a fantasy world and the supernatural beings (gods) are watching over me and controlling where I should go by creating currency and rides.

With or without the fantasy, I still have a lot of fun. It is much better than going to the beach and ride the wave.

By the time I'm taking the school bus back to the CPES campus, I'm exhausted by the activities in the Wave water park. Inside the school bus, I put on my sunglasses, so people can't tell if I fall asleep.

Coincidentally, a CPES staff told me when I put on my sunglasses, I look like the Terminator from the movie, "Terminator 2: Judgement Day". Another CPES staff would add something like I look cool in sunglasses.

I see it as a positive thing such as the staffs think I look cool in sunglasses.

On the day before gratulation, all the fifth graders (Class 96) decided to have a picnic and recreation activities and games in the Crown Point park to celebrate the gratulation.

On the gratulation day, the staffs and students decided to have a baseball game. The game is the students versus the staffs.

This is the end of Book 2.

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 38" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 14 Announcement 08.

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ptts2023 · 19 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 06

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 06, 2025

CPES Basketball Team (Continue)

Continue where I left off.

Even though, I'm 41 years old writing about when I was 11 years old. But, last night (06/05/2025) I was begging my mother, Sok Nghim Hoi for $20 to buy a bag of rice, so I would have some foods to eat. She didn't give me the $20. In addition, she criticize me about there are jobs everywhere and I can't find a job.

I'm 41 years old would argued as I have more education and life experience than when I was 11 years old. The confusions is because I have no feedbacks and no incomes would argued as when I was 11 years old I was doing better than I am doing right now.

So, I try not to confuse my current situation with writing this healing process. Healing mean I'm explaining about the confusions and problems in my life. So, there would be lesser confusions and lesser problems in my life. I'm not creating more confusions and problems in my life.

Back to 1996.

A group students have discouraged about life. I'm supposed to be the manager of the team. There are Retarded Child Conspiracies against me, Devil's Sons Conspiracies against me, Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies against me, and Inferior Background Conspiracies against me.

Stinking trashes from the ghetto and poverty have became more foul and stink. Like making a rotten fruit more rotten. So, the outside of the fruit and inside of fruit is completely rotten. Make people sick just looking at the rotten fruit. The stinking smells is even worse than rotten look.

The Great Expectation Revenge Argument is the world having revenge on me. Because it is a lie. I'm beautiful on the outside and beautiful in the inside also. So, the world want to make me and anyone who is part of my team into rotten on the outside and rotten in the inside also.

Even though, I have to put having wishful thoughts of happiness to the side. So, I could deal with the Great Expectation Revenge Argument. But, I'm only 11 years old, I don't have a lot of powers and connections.

Coach John is a nobody. He haven't made a name of himself.

Du, Michael, and Alfonso only held the basketball a few times in their life. They don't even know how to play basketball and the rules of a basketball game.

Lawrence and Jesus know how to play basketball and the rules of a basketball game. But, they are not as skillful as the experienced basketball players in the elementary basketball league.

Even if Adam is the most skillful player in the elementary basketball league. He is only 1 player. Can 1 player carry the whole team to getting the First Place trophy in the league competition?

As for me, I'm an ESL student with immigrant status. I have to be the manager of the team. The argument is first learn how to speak the English language correctly. Then, think about being a manager.

A bunch of stinking trashes going to make themselves even more foul and stink.

This is the elementary basketball league. There are audience, refs, coordinators, and staffs watching.

I would argues me and my teammates could felt sorry for ourselves, because we have inferior background. But, how long can we continue feeling sorry for ourselves? Sooner or later, we have to face the world.

Like I wrote, "I been a champion in Empty Hand Combat league and the playground activities and grass field activities. Going from a champion to getting crushed in the basketball league is a dramatic change."

I'm going from carrying my team to victories. To I'm complaining that my team are stinking trashes and we are going to becomes more foul and stink. If I don't do it, then people will not give the stinking trashes a chance.

I didn't told Coach John about not joining the team. I return back to my apartment, I fill out the application form and told my parents to sign it.

After joining the team, I try to be positive about it by telling Coach John and my teammates that my father is in the official basketball league. He going to stop by and show us some basketball drills.

My father did stop by a few times during our basketball practices. Like I told Coach John and my teammates, he would show the team some basketball drills.

I would argues as the team manager, I could only give my team the following hopes: The basketball practices and my father show the team basketball drills make me and my teammates felt like there are hopes of winning in the league competition.

As for becoming a great basketball player like my father it will have to be in the future when I'm older and have more basketball practices.

I would argues I have been in the basketball court and shooting hoops around 20+ times. It is not enough to make me a great basketball player. The 1 month of practices before the league competition is not enough. So, I won't able to play well in the basketball game. But, even if I'm being criticized as an ESL student and can't speak English. I will do what I can to speak for my team as a team manager.

As the league begin, Coach John put me in the bench.

I know Adam is a skillful basketball player. But, this is the first time, I'm watching him playing in a basketball game. He is better than I thought. Whenever he got the ball he would able to score the 2 points or 3 points 9/10. That is almost 10/10. Even when there are 1-3 players blocking him or the whole team, all 5 players blocking him.

He score almost all the points for our team. Example: If our team scored 50 points, he scored 45 or more points.

I thought our team going to have very little chance of winning, but Adam carrying the team have made our team won most of the games.

After the first quarter, the refs and coordinators summoned me the administration office to answer questions about our team.

Like I wrote above, "even if I'm being criticized as an ESL student and can't speak English. I will do what I can to speak for my team as a team manager."

Toward the end of the questions and answers session, the refs asked, "I'm 1 year older than all of my teammates and 3 years old than 1 of my teammate. Do I feel like I could still be part of this league?"

"During the sign in process, I confirmed with my coach first about my age 1 year older than all the players is okay. Then, me and my coach confirmed again with the sign-in coordinator. Then, my coach and the sign-in coordinator says my age barely met the requirement. Either way, I'm only sitting in the bench. I haven't get a chance to play a game yet in the first Quarter."

The refs told me they will going to review my application form again, because of my age is 1 year older than all the players in the league.

The way I see it. I haven't play a game yet, so even if I get disqualified from the basketball league, because of my age. It won't matter that much.

But, Coach John told me if I get disqualified our whole team will be disqualified also, because there are not enough players in our team to play in the basketball league.

During the Third Quarter, in one of the games, Coach John told me to go tell the refs I'm going to switch in with Michael.

The ref told me to stand at the switch in area. The switch in area is outside of the court close to the mid-court line. When he blow the whistle and wave his hand toward me, I will go in and Michael will be in the bench.

The way I see it. Adam been scoring most of the points in the first 3 Quarters. My teammates will only pass the ball to Adam. I'm not going to score any point. I'm only in the basketball court as a blocker to block the other team players from scoring points.

I don't know what happen. Lawrence decided to pass the ball to me. When I got the ball and I took a shot at the hoop. The ball went into the hoop. The audience cheered.

I took a look at the refs and coaches standing around the court.

"I'm not going to be disqualified for being lucky scored that 1 shot?" I thought to myself.

In addition, the other team not going to have a blocker to block just because I scored 1 shot.

Again, I don't know what happen. This time Jesus passed the ball to me. As I'm going for the shot a blocker miss the block and hit my hand. I scored the shot. Also, I get to have 2 free throw shots, because that blocker hit my hand. I scored the 2 free throw shots.

Why am I even pretending I'm playing in the basketball game? Example: I'm still a stinking shit even if the refs reviewed my background information and found nothing against me.

Without the stinking shit criticism against me. I'm pretending to play or not, I'm an inferior country-boy running around in the basketball court and letting people making fun of me.

At the end of the game, a coach walked to Coach John and me, that coach gave me a compliment, "First game in the season, you scored 2/2 not counting the free throw shots."

"Come on. Mind as well. Says I'm too shitty to play in the official basketball league. "We are going to review your background information again." Is equivalent to a sincere way of saying you are too shitty to play in the official basketball league. Do you have no respect for yourself to not see our sincerity?" I thought to myself after hearing that coach's compliment.

How it is possible anyone could have noticed me? Adam scored around 40-50 points each games. He played every games in the 3 Quarters. I only played 1 game in the 3 Quarters and only scored 6 points. 4 points from 2 "2 Points Shots". 2 points from 2 free throw shots.

I got summoned to the administration office 3 times for the questions and answers. At the end of the First Quarter. At the end of the Second Quarter. Mid-way in the Fourth Quarter.

The sincere way to see it. I'm answering questions for my team, because I'm a team manager.

The non-sincere way to see it. I'm too shitty to play in the official basketball league.

In the last summoning during mid-way in the Fourth Quarter. The refs are saying there is a voting pending to disqualify me or not, because I'm 1 year older than all the players.

Our team made it to the the Final (Last Game) in the Fourth Quarter. If our team win the Final, then our team win the Trophy.

If I get disqualified, then our whole team get disqualified also, because there is not enough players. This mean I'm not only a stinking trash who got disqualified, but I'm going to drag down our whole team and made them all got disqualified also.

Why is our team still trying so hard to win the Trophy if they are going to get disqualified? Or, it is because they don't know they are going to get disqualified that is why they are still trying to win the Trophy?

Adam been carrying the team by scoring 40-50 points each games, what will happen to him when he found out that our team going to get disqualified? Would he break me and him best friend agreement, because I was the reason our team got disqualified?

The following is the "Worm On a Hook Argument":

[Begin]

Coach John is the worm hooked on a hook. I'm a fish in the water. When he came to the CPES campus and talk with me is equivalent to the bait is in the water. If I join the basketball team, then I bite on the hook.

The audience, refs, coordinators, and staffs watching the basketball games is equivalent to wanting to eat the fish. They have to kill the fish first, so they could eat the fish.

Smashing the fish against the rock. Using a rock to smash the fish. Or, use a butcher knife to chop the fish. To kill the fish.

Which one is more painful getting chop by a butcher knife or I drag down our whole team by I got our whole team disqualified?

[End]

Then, on the day of the Final, the refs told me I didn't get disqualified. But, I almost got disqualified, because I just barely met the age requirement.

The other team have a skillful player just as skillful as Adam. I don't know his name. So, I'm going call him as Skill.

Adam scored 55 points. Skill scored 60 points.

Our team total points is 70 points. The other team total points is 75 points.

While the other team is celebrating their victory in the basketball court, I walk into the locker room. I unintentionally/accidentally saw Adam's father scolding at Adam inside the locker room. His father is saying if Adam scored more points than Skill, then our team would have won the Final.

Yet, during the whole season I would argues that Adam been carrying the team by scoring 40-50 points each games.

I haven't brought up our best friend agreement to Adam during my Fifth Grade year starting on September 1995. The same as during the basketball league season, I haven't brought up our best friend agreement.

Yet, I still remember that day we shook hand to be best friend. Also, we were celebrating and very happy about our best friend agreement.

Seeing him in the locker room was the last time I saw him.

In the later on chapters when I'm writing about my Mission Bay High School (MBHS) years. During those years, I heard talks about a name, Adam Maze.

My Thoughts On Games

Because my parents been giving me and our siblings lectures about USA education is the most important. So, the argument is school before games.

Even though, sometime sports are called games. But, games at this point of time mean board games, chess games, playing card games, Pog games, and so on.

If a person is skillful in playing games and win more than lost in games. Then, he or she is a very smart person.

Because Marc and Marco got first place in the spelling bee competition. So, the spelling bee trophy show that they are the smartest in their class.

Yet, I got High Achievement Awards each months in Mrs. Mullenix's class. There were times, on the award certificates, there is the subtitle, "Super Math".

In addition, Mrs. Mullenix assigned me to lead the math activities. Beside leading the math games, I win most of the time in the math games.

I'm not saying I'm like Marc and Marco who are the smartest students in their class. But, looking at my High Achievement Awards, "Super Math" awards. And, my winning streak in the math games. It look like I could be like Marc and Marco.

In addition, I don't want people to shove a basketball into my stomach. Like when I shoved a basketball into Marc's stomach for keep talking his achievements such as hall of fame, trophies, and/or awards in general. And, not noticing what I have to go through.

In the USA, playing card games for money is consider as gambling. There are laws against gambling in most USA states.

I didn't research on the laws against gambling in other countries. But, from the media such as magazines, books, films, websites, and so on. I heard there are laws against gambling in different countries around the world.

The argument is laws against gambling should be accepted as being ethical and modern. From this argument, all countries in the world should have laws against gambling. If not all, then most countries should have laws against gambling.

Because there is a dramatic different between countries that allow gambling and countries that have laws against gambling. So, if I talked about gambling, then the countries that have laws against gambling will be upset at me. Vice-versa, if I talked about laws against gambling, then the countries that allow gambling will be upset at me.

But, in Mrs. Mullenix's class, there are times, Mrs. Mullenix would give me prizes for winning the math games. The students in her class would give me praises for winning the math games. So, winning math games is a positive thing. Goal to achieve.

If making the math games into playing for money, then the math games becomes gambling.

The argument is gambling is a sensitive topic. So, I'm not trying upset you by talking about a sensitive topic. Especial you are a law student. Just barely able to support yourself and have to pay the law school fees.

Because I can't ignore the prizes Mrs. Mullenix gave me for winning the math games. And, the praises the students gave me for winning the math games. That is why I started having thoughts about games. Those thoughts would lead to a career involving playing games. Or, developing games.

Back to my father's lessons. My father told me I'm going to bite my mother's nipple until her nipple is bleeding. Then, I'm going to shout at her face, because the problems in my life keep tormenting me and won't leave me alone. From my father's lessons, I have step up to manage my life.

I decided to go with what I heard about my father, Chung Wun Lam as I was growing up in Sand Be Vietnam. The talks are saying Chung is a Chinese Chess champion in Sand Be. To become a champion mean he have the most wins in the Chinese Chess games among all the Chinese Chess players in Sand Be.

Nevertheless, chess have a respectable history. In some places playing chess is highly acclaimed and a well accepted custom.

If anyone purposely want to pick a fight with me by bring up the math games. I would tell them my father is a Chinese Chess champion. Want to settle in a chess game?

So, I started to self-taught myself how to play chess. At the same time, I would argues that I have a lot of pressures in my life. So, the only way for me to continue practicing chess is I could make a living playing chess. Also, my community have accepted chess and have respect for chess players.

My mother, Sok Nghim Hoi made a friend, Jill in her adult school. It is called adult school, because it is a school for adults who consider as ESL students. Jill's husband is Todd. He is an elementary school teacher.

One day, Todd asked my parents if he could take me, Ho, and Du on a hiking trip with him. My parents is okay with Todd's permission.

During the hiking trip, me and him got into talk about chess. I told him that I have self-taught myself how to play chess. But, I haven't play with anyone before. He told me he been wanting to be good at playing chess. So, he ask me if I want to play a chess game against him.

Todd's family live in the same apartment building complex as Marco's family.

That apartment building complex is on the same street, Ingraham Street as the Crown Point Elementary School (CPES) campus. Also, it is about 2 streets away from CPES campus. I could walk there from CPES campus. It would take me about 10 minutes.

So, while on the hiking trip, I set an appointment with him to play a chess game in his apartment during afterschool.

Me and my siblings been to that apartment building complex some times to drop off Marco, BT, and their baby sister. So, I know my way around that apartment building complex.

Even though, it is a huge apartment building complex with over a thousand apartments.

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 37" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 14 Announcement 07.

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ptts2023 · 20 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 05

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 05, 2025

Not Ignoring the Pains (Continue)

Continue from where I left off.

After the 3 versus 1 fight, me, Edger, Duong, and Que see it as another fight. Duong would acknowledge that I have skillful kicks, because my kick bruised his face in the fight. Yet, I wonder how many students in the karate class know how to do round house kick like Duong's round house kick? In the movie, "Bloodsport" (1988). The actor, Jean Claude Van Damme made the round house kick look like it is so easy to do. When Adam is in the CPES campus all the students have to pretend they are inside the "Bloodsport" movie. Sometime the students would even pretend they are inside the "Mortal Kombat" movie. According to Adam and the students, "Mortal Kombat" is more extreme than "Bloodsport".

But, I didn't give Duong praises on his round house kick. Or, tell him that his round house kick is better than my kicks.

To not create more problems and confusions, I see that 3 versus 1 fight as a misunderstanding. Also, I became friend with Edger and Duong, because they are in the same grade, Fifth Grade as me. As for Que, he is not in the same grade as me. So, me and him probably not going to see each other again when I graduated from CPES.

Mrs. Mullenix assigned me a the math activities leader and student service leader. Even though, I'm not an official student service leader.

Once or twice a week, I would select 3-5 students in the class or Mrs. Mullenix would select 3-5 students in the class. To go with me to the school cafeteria and provide student services inside the cafeteria. The following are those services:

Before lunch, me and the students would prepare to serve lunches to the students by carrying huge container of the foods to the assembly line.

During lunch, me and the student service workers would ask the students in the assembly line which foods they wanted to be on their trays. Then, me and those workers would scoop the foods from the food containers to the students' trays.

After lunch, me and the students would wash the students' lunch trays. And, the food containers. At the kitchen sinks.

The CPES cafeteria staffs, Maria, Olinda, and Juan know that Mrs. Mullenix assigned me to lead the students to the cafeteria to provide student services. So, whenever they see me during breakfast and lunch, they would give me extra portions of breakfast meal and lunch meal. The extra portions is equivalent to I'm getting 2 breakfast meals and 2 lunch meals. Instead of 1.

In addition, at the end of each shift, the cafeteria staffs would let me and the students each pick 1 ice cream from the ice cream booth.

Because I'm leading math activities and leading students to the cafeteria, Mrs. Mullenix see me like another of her teacher aid or assistance instructor.

Coincidentally, Mrs. Mullenix did have a teacher aid, Ms. Kristal.

One time, I met Ms. Kristal at the PB beach, she told me she live in PB. I told her, I live in PB too. She was with a guy. I think that guy could be her boyfriend.

The argument is all students should be like Francisco Ortiz. He is like the pimp in the CPES campus, because all the girls like him.

There is one time, Francisco show me and the boys that he almost could kiss Ms. Kristal's breast.

During a hug with her, he stick out his tongue. His tongue touches her body close to her breast.

Maybe if I'm a few years older, then I would ask Ms. Kristal out.

I need a more solid reason to ask Humberto to get into an Empty Handed Combat fight against me. He won a few fights is not good enough reason.

Then, one day, Humberto got into a fight with a Combat Regulator, Ruth. He made Ruth cried in that fight. Ms. Kristal saw Ruth crying in the playground. So, she took him inside the classroom and gave him an ice cream.

I decided I will use Humberto made Ruth cried to ask Humberto for a fight. After I asked him for a fight, he accepted my fight request.

This is the fight CPES been demanding. My winning streak against Humberto's winning streak.

Me, him, and the combat regulators decided the fight to be next to the Monkey Bar. It is far enough from school building including all the classrooms. So, the teachers and staffs won't see me and him having a fight.

In addition, the crowd of students watching the fight have crowded around me and him. So, from a far distance, people can't tell there is a fight going on.

After I confirm with him that he know the rules of the fight, the fight begin.

By this point of time, I would argues that I can't fight like the actor, Jean Claude Van Damme in the "Bloodsport" (1988) movie. Because Jean could fight blind folded.

But, I have build keen senses on my blind spot. My back is my blind spot, because I can't sees my opponent from my back. Because I can't sees, so I have to relies on keen senses. I have build up my keen senses enough to catch my opponent's kick from my back. This mean I emphasize on 360 degree defense. So, I could defend myself from attacks on my back.

I would argues because one-on-one face to face. Is easier than defend myself from attacks on my back. So, I have confidence about winning this fight.

His fighting style is head-on upper body take down. Waiting for his opponent to collide with him. He been trapping me by beating his opponents with punches and kicks. Instead throws and tackles.

In some of my fights, I would go for the throw or tackle at the beginning of the fight. So, I would fall for his trap.

The combat regulator told me and him to begin the fight.

I go for the fake low kick. When he trying to block my kick, so I would able to landed a punch on his body. I know the punches didn't hurt that much. But, I need to provoke him to break his trap on me. In addition, I have to resist the temptation on using throw and tackle.

I could tells he thinking what I'm thinking. He have came a long way winning all his fights. To lose in a fight is not worth it.

Yet, I'm creating enough space to use my kick to stop his tackle.

He charge in and go for my legs. I landed a kick on him. But, it was too close. Because he almost caught my leg.

I decided I have to landed enough punches on him to force him to use kick.

After landed multiple punches on his body. He is going for his kicks.

When he made his kick, I caught his kick. From that same motion, I made a throw. The throw made him fell to the ground. I'm on top of him. Once he fell to the ground, I connected with a punch to his body. Then, I pinned him against the ground with the weight of my body. He gave up (summitted).

After the demand have been met, I would argues the CPES could tells I'm going to gratulate from CPES soon. So, this is my last fight in CPES.

CPES Basketball Team

The Crown Point Elementary School (CPES) Basketball Team is called "CPES Bulls".

During my fourth grade year, on 1994, I heard my best friend, Adam Maze is the Most Important Player (MIP) in the elementary basketball league. He is a grade lower than me. So, he was a third grader. I'm a fourth grader.

After my fourth grade year, I no longer in the same class as him. Because of the different classes, so I haven't talk with him.

I would argues that if I sees him again, then I would still cherish our best friend agreement if he still cherish it.

Around March 1996, a basketball coach, John (I forgot his name), came to CPES campus during the afterschool. He approached me. He asked me if he could have an one-on-one talk with me.

"Is he taking over Coach Von position, because I haven't seen Coach Von for years of time?" I thought to myself.

"That is how the staffs wanted. I stayed afterschool to help with the equipment room. Yes, we could talk." I answered.

"The students are saying you been here the longest. I need your permission and your help to put together a basketball team to play for this school." He told me.

"He asking me for permission. He is a coach. I'm a student." I thought to myself.

"Lawrence and Michael live close by to the school. So, they stay afterschool all the time. You could talk with them." I told him.

"Precisely. Lawrence and Michael told me to talk with you."

"Showing school team spirit. Wearing team jersey. And, staying in league. Is better than staying in the campus daily." I thought to myself.

"The basketball team will benefit the school, so you have my permission. Is there anything else I could help you out?"

"I been talking with some of the students and recruiting them to be part of the team. I want you to be part of the team."

"I just heard about it. So, I have to think about it first."

"You will have practices before playing in the basketball league. You guys will playing for your school. Here is the application form. I'm going to give you a few extras just in case your friends also want to be part of the team."

He handed the application forms to me. It would be rude to not take the application forms, so I took those application forms.

It is not a yes or no. Because sooner or later I will have to leave CPES campus and see the world.

Even though, I wanted to argues that I could stay in CPES campus a little bit longer. I don't have to join the basketball team. But, am I the kind of person who let down my team? Example: John came to me, because he know I'm a team player.

I would argues our team going to get crush in the league. But, I vibe the following argument: It is not about the competition. It is about seeing the world.

In my apartment, I got into a talk with my father, Chung Wun Lam. I asked him was it true that he was a great basketball player during his high school years.

"It depend on the definition of great basketball player. But, I was qualified to play in the official league for my school."

"There is a basketball coach want to recruit me to play for the basketball league. But, I'm not ready to play for the league."

"Yes. I could sees you have basketball player potential. Also, I could help coach you. You should take your chance to play in the league. But, it is up to you to decide if you want to play or not."

I been a champion in Empty Hand Combat league and the playground activities and grass field activities. Going from a champion to getting crushed in the basketball league is a dramatic change.

I decided when I sees him. I'll tells him the following reasons why I don't want to be part of the team: The problems in my life make it hard for me to be part of team. Can you ask someone else?

A few days later, Coach John show me the basketball team, "CPES Bulls". The following are the players: Adam Maze (Fourth Grade), Lawrence Vleck (Fifth Grade), Jesus Rodriguez (Fifth Grade), Alfonso Berriel (Fifth Grade), Michael Coates (Fourth Grade), Du Hong Lam (Third Grade)

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 36" continue TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 14 Announcement 06.

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ptts2023 · 21 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 ANNOUNCEMENT 04

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 04, 2025

Sacrifice Versus the Fruit of Knowledge

President of USA

The Sacrifice Argument is I'm a sacrifice. Because I'm too unimportant. Because all the people know about this argument, so people either treat me as a sacrifice or ignore me.

As for my parents, I already bruised my arms each times I translated the English language documents to them. I would argues that I don't need to hear them telling me I'm a very lucky child.

The Fruit of Knowledge Argument is I'm a champion in the Empty Handed Combat league. And, all CPES playground activities and grass field activities.

As for me, I got chosen to be a sacrifice already hurt me a lot. The Fruit of Knowledge Argument create more pains to me. This mean I have to endure the pain in my life. In addition, if I have a daughter. Then, seeing my daughter being chosen as a sacrifice. Would hurt me. This mean people could lie about I have a daughter to try to hurt me.

The Boy That Live Argument is I'm 11 years old. I will forget everything that happen to me when I was 11 years old. I will grow up to be a very rich and famous person. My parents love me vey much. People would acclaim me and my parents for doing good deeds to our city. Me and my parents would be role models and leaders in our city. Things will work out just as my parents been telling me.

At this point of time, November 1995, I'm 11 years old. Those thoughts above have make me feel distressful. I asked my fifth grade teacher, Ms. Nancy Reed for a hall pass to the nurse office. She gave me the hall pass to the nurse office.

In the nurse office, I told the nurse, Esther Oka. I been home alone for multiple days. Because my mother is pregnant and in the hospital. My family is at the hospital with my mother. The worries make feel distressful.

After the talk with Nurse Esther, I lie on the bed in the nurse office. From the Boy That Live Argument, I will forget everything that happen to me at this point of time. If that argument is true, then why do I feel so distressful and want to lie down?

I started dreaming that afterschool, my father show up. I'm so glad to sees him. While hugging him, I cried on his shoulder. He would tell me everything I would be okay. I'm just having a bad dream.

After lying on the bed for about 5 minutes, I told Nurse Esther I'm ready to go back to my class. She told me. I could come to the nurse officer at anytime to lie down on the bed.

During afterschool, I waited for my father to show up in the CPES basketball court. After I waited in the basketball court for about 1 hour, CPES secretary, Kathleen Cannon, walking through the basketball court to her car. Her car is parked in the parking log. When she saw me, she told me that she heard Nurse Esther said that I'm worry about my mother in the hospital. How am I feeling? I told her. I'll be okay.

Then, she asked me. If I'm excited to have a younger sibling? There are multiple times, Secretary Kathleen reading the English language school documents to me, so I could translated it to my parents.

I would replied. I'm just hoping my mother and my family is okay. So, I could stop worrying about them.

Not doing anything to help myself is equivalent to watching people tying up my daughter and made her into a sacrifice.

I would argues, "What do you want me to do? I'm only 11 years old, I don't have a lot of power and connection."

It would come down to I have to do something. I can't says nothing will ever change. And, do nothing.

The very confusing is people have made me into a sacrifice. So, people are expecting me to do nothing.

I would argues there are not much I could do. Except don't ignore my pains.

Going back to the Boy That Live Argument, I would forget everything that happen to me at this point of time. Me and my family will love our new born brother, Mon Hong Lam very much. When he became older, he would became a candidate in the President of USA election. He would get elected as the president. Being elected as the president would bring great wealth and happiness to our family.

I tossed the basketball in my hand against the metal fence as hard as I can. At the same time, I shouted out, "My new born brother will be elected as the president."

As for me, I would argue if I don't fight against being a sacrifice, then I might live longer. Fighting against being a sacrifice mean I probably die before seeing Mon getting elected as president.

This mean people could hurt me by making him into a sacrifice. Like I wrote above, "Not doing anything to help myself is equivalent to watching people tying up Mon and made him into a sacrifice."

Fighting against being a sacrifice make me die early in life, so I won't see that day when he get older he would punched me on my face. And, tell me the following: "Wake up. Stop blaming me and our family. Because they no longer love you and care about you. Because I got all their attention."

"I can't pull out my own heart. But, I could show you where to stab my heart." I mumbled to myself. Then, I feel better. So, I started walking back to my apartment.

Afterward, my mother, my family, and my new born brother, Mon. Return back to our apartment. My father carrying Mon in his hands. Then, he asked me, "Do you want to carry the president of USA in your hands?"

"Okay." I replied. As I carry him in my hands and look at him. "President of USA..." I mumbled.

Not Ignoring the Pains

On November 1995, Mon just born for weeks of time. Me and Marc Hua became close friend. He offer to give me a few of his trading cards. Instead of decline his offer, I would offer to trade him something for those trading cards.

One day, I told him. "I started my trading card collection. So, you could show off your trading cards."

Marc is the smartest student in our fifth grade class. The teacher is Ms. Nancy Reed. I'm an ESL (English As A Second Language) student. ESL mean English language is my second language. Because he is sitting next to me and helping me with the classroom assignments and lectures, so I could barely keep up with the class.

At this point of time, I know Marc and Marco are really smart. But, I haven't get a chance to confirm that they are spell bee champions.

In addition, I could barely keep up with the class, so I don't know he is a winner in the math competition. Also, the Yearbook have voted him as the math wiz.

The first few weeks of school. All the students have earned their ruffle tickets for accomplishing tasks and/or assignments. Except for me, I haven't earn any ruffle tickets.

One day, Ms. Reed decided make an exception to give me ruffle tickets for being the first person to complete the Math Acceleration exercises. Even though, the requirement is to solve the 60-100 math problems in 5 minutes. Example: You don't need to be the first person to complete it.

Nevertheless, even with those few ruffle tickets from the Math Acceleration exercises, I still have the least tickets in the class.

"What happen one day, Ms. Reed decided she made a mistake and take those ruffle tickets back?

Or, it is all in my head. She never made that exception. I'm too embarrass to admit I don't have any ruffle tickets." I thought to myself.

While I'm upset about my thoughts. He is telling me. "I'm the winners of the spelling bee competition. And, math competition. I think I'm the first person who compete the Math Acceleration exercises."

Making me invisible and don't acknowledge my present. Is equivalent to making me into a sacrifice.

Even though, he didn't intended to make me into a sacrifice. But, if I don't do something about being a sacrifice. People going to hurt the people I care about to hurt me.

"Are you really that fast in the Math Acceleration exercises to get first place? Does it really matter? Example: If he didn't help me in my fourth grade year, then I probably have a lot of problems in class. This mean he could says anything and I have to agree with him. People will think he is right. And, I'm wrong. Also, plain and simple I need him to help me in class." I thought to myself.

"You are the brother I been hoping for. Let play some basketball. No more talks. In addition, it is too late to give you congratulations for being winners in the spelling bee competition and math competition." I suggested. I gave him warm wrap around his shoulder.

During the basketball game, he started explaining the basketball rules to me.

I told him that there are only about 5 minutes left when Reese is over. Can we just shoot around? Hear about the rules later?

He ignored me and started continue to explain about the rules.

Adam Maze is my best friend. He is the Most Important Player (MIP) in the elementary basketball league. He haven't explain 1 basketball rule to me.

"You are the brother I been hoping for." I raised my voice. At the same time, I shoved the basketball into his stomach.

He dropped to his knee holding his stomach. I walked over to him. I asked him, "Are you okay?" Then, he scratched my face with his nails.

"Thank you for that. Now we are even." I told him.

As I walked away from him to the equipment room to return the basketball. "I didn't mean to." I would thought to myself.

On that same day, during afterschool, I went to the administration office. I changed from Ms. Reed's class to Mrs. Cheryl Mullennix's class. Ms. Reed's class is Advance Placement class. Mrs. Cheryl Mullennix's class is ESL class.

Later on, Mrs. Mullennix assigned me as the leader of the math activities. Once or twice a week, before, during, and/or after lunch period, I would lead a few students to the cafeteria. Me and those students would provide our student services to the cafeteria.

Each months, in the award ceremony, she would awarded me with the High Achievement Award certificate. In multiple of the High Achievement Awards, there is the subtitle, "Super Math".

In Ms. Reed's class, I could barely catch up with the class. Also, Marc is helping me. In Mrs. Mullennix's class, I have the High Achievement Award each months in the award ceremony. She assigned me as math activities leader and student service leader. There are dramatic changes between Ms. Reed's class and Mrs. Mullennix's class.

I decided to forgive myself for what happen with me and Marc. Also, he didn't told the teacher I shoved a basketball into his stomach. I didn't told the teacher he scratched my face with his nails.

One day, after Reese is over. As me and students are line up in front of the classroom to wait for the teacher to tell us to go in the classroom. Edger Arenas (Fifth Grade) sneak up behind me and grabbed me from behind. Both of arms is caught in his grab.

Then, Duong Nguyen (Fifth Grade) and Que (Fourth Grade) rush in from the front to grab my legs. Duong is the most experienced fighter among the 3 of them.

So, I kicked Duong on his face. Que stopped rushing in and checked if Duong is okay.

Meanwhile, I pushed my whole body weight toward Edger. At the same time, I kicked the ground to add more weight.

The momentum of the weights knocked Edger to the ground. He still haven't let go of his grab on me. But, I'm on top of him. After I elbow him a few times, he let go of his grab.

Then, Duong and Que rush in from the front again.

I made a kick to Que's stomach. Que dropped to his knee holding his stomach. Duong stopped rushing in and checked if Que is okay.

I quickly tackled Edger back to the ground.

After I tackled him to the ground. I'm on top of him while he is on the ground. After I made a few punches on his body, I saw Mrs. Mullennix walking toward the line from a distance. I hurried and got Edger back up from the ground and started line up.

What ever it is? God's will? Sacrifice? The Fruit of Knowledge? I didn't give up without a fight.

Afterward, I gathered the Combat Regulators back together.

The old Combat Regulators. Erik Rodriguez, Feliciano Cervantez, and Rick Kaer is in Ms. Reed's class.

So, I recruited new Combat Regulators. Ratanack Qung (Fifth Grade), Ruth (Fourth Grade), and Agustin Pena (Fifth Grade).

The list of student I have got into Empty Handed Combat fight against and I won: Shamar Banks, Erik Rodriguez, Feliciano Cervantez, Rick Kaer, Alfonso Berriel, Tony Quinterro, Marc Hua, Ratanack Qung, Agustin Pena, Edger Arenas, Duong Nguyen, and Que.

Shamar, Alfonso, Tony, and Marc is different than the league fights.

Edger, Duong, and Que is 3 versus 1 fight.

Erik, Feliciano, Rick, Ratanack, and Agustin are league fights. But, to show the audience the demonstration of the league fights. Because in the demonstration fights, the audience know that I have a high chance of winning.

I would argues that the CPES is demanding for 1 league fight. That fighter I'm fighting have won multiple fights. And, have a shot at breaking my undisputed record.

I have look through the list of fighters in CPES. I have my eye on Humberto Suarez. I heard Humberto threaten to beat up Isaac Harbin Zamora (Fourth Grade) if Isaac doesn't admit that Humberto is better than him in drawing. I don't if I got Isaac Harbin Zamora name correctly. Or, Isaac and Harbin Zamora is 2 different students.

There was one time around the Christmas holiday. The teacher assigned the whole classroom to create their own Christmas greeting cards. Humberto's and Isaac's drawing on their Christmas greeting cards have the most artistic. Must be people think Isaac is the better artist. I asked both of them to look at their drawings. Their drawings compared with other students in the class, they do have better artistic skill.

Tags Note: I didn't intended to have "Part" in the Title and "Part" in the Announcement. So, I have to live with the mistake I made. Announcement Part is changed to Issue Announcement. Starting on Announcement 14 Part 04. (Issue 14 Announcement 04.) This mean TGT Magazine Announcement became TGT Magazine Issue.

To Be Continue...

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 35" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Issue 14 Announcement 05.

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ptts2023 · 23 days ago

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TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ANNOUNCEMENT 14 PART 03

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 02, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Chapter 03: 1993-1995 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 30 Chapter 04 [1.] Dirge For the Immigrants A. Achieving the San Diego Family Life B. Effective Transition To Education Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 31 Chapter 04 Continue [Important Note 12 (Yearbook)] B. Effective Transition To Education (Continue) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 32 [Important Note 13 (Want A Chance To Explain)] Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 33 Chapter 04 Continue Important Note 14 A. Movies & TV Series B. I'm Still At the Beginning of My Healing Process C. Trapping Myself Argument [2.] Relieving the Peer Pressures

Important Note 14

I'm Still At the Beginning of My Healing Process

In the later on chapters, I will write about this period of time, 1998-2006. Right now, I'm going to briefly go over the movies and TV Series I watch during this period of time.

I'm going to list the movies that are in my movie DVD collection during my middle school, high school, and college years. Like I wrote above, it is around 1998-2006. Because it is in my collection, so I get to watch them whenever I want to. This mean like the critic's acclaim, "Emotional Satisfaction". I would watch them depending on my mood. Also, I'm going to break those movies into different categories.

I think the following movies have family theme and humble human touch. Also, one of the movies have the critic's acclaim, "Emotional Satisfaction."

"Together" (2002) (Chinese Cinema), Directed By: Chen Kaige "Beijing Bicycle" (Chinese Cinema) "Harry Potter" movie series "The Road Home" (Chinese Cinema)

I think the following movies have heavier theme than those movie listed above. Also, the following movies could categorized as Action movies.

"Battle Royale" (Japanese Cinema) "Night Warriors: Darkstalkeers' Revenge" (Animated Movie) "Street Fighter 2: The Animated Movie" "Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children" (Animated Movie) "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" (Chinese Cinema) "House of the Flying Daggers" (Chinese Cinema) "Underworld" "Princess Mononoke" (Animated Movie) "Resident Evil" Movie Series

I think the following movies are philosophical. Also, there are depth to those movies.

"The Place Promised In Our Early Days" (Animated Movie) "The Promise" (Chinese Cinema), Directed By Chen Kaige "Lord of the Rings" Trilogy "A Love Song For Bobby Long"

At that point of time, because the following movies are foreign films, so I think those movies are fan pick, fan of animation, and/or critic acclaim's animation. Exception is "Spirited Away" have a huge success imported to the USA.

"Spirited Away" "Only Yesterday" (1991) "Ocean Waves" "Whisper of the Heart"

I watched the following TV Series on TV program:

"Pokemon" Animated TV Series Yu-Gi-Oh" Animated TV Series "Hercules: The Legendary Journey" TV Series "Gundam WIng" Animated TV Series "Dragon Ball Z" Animated TV Series "Cowboy Bebop" Animated TV Series "Rurouni Kenshin" Animated TV Series

I'm not going to write about the Cable TV channels in this Important Note. Including AZN channel (use to called International Channel).

As for the video rental stores, my family occasionally would rent movies at the local video rental stores. (Local also known as USA video rental store.). Because my family most of the time would rent movies and TV Series at the Chinese Video Rental store(s). I will write more on the video rental stores on the later on chapters.

The following are the Chinese TV Series that I watch and I could recall those TV Series without looking it up. Most of the time, me and my family try to watched those Chinese TV Series around the release date (AKA the date it is being aired in TV program). My family would rent those Chinese TV Series in the Chinese Video Rental store. Usually those Chinese TV Series are long TV Series. Long Chinese TV Series are around 60-100 episodes.

"My Fair Princess" Season 01 (1998) (Chinese TV Series) "My Fair Princess" Season 02 (1999) (Chinese TV Series) "Romance In the Rain" (2000) (Chinese TV Series) "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" (Chinese TV Series) (I watched around 2004.)

Beside renting, me and my family also tune in on the long Chinese TV Series that are aired in the TV program from the International channel. (You could get International channel from regular Cable plan.)

In addition, me and my family also tune in on the long Chinese TV Series that are aired in TVB channel from the Chinese Satellite Cable. I didn't have time in my schedule to research about Chinese Satellite Cable. Aunt Sophie would recorded the long Chinese TV Series each weeks in the VHS tapes. Then, she would lend those VHS tapes to my older sister, Bun Hong San. After my family watched those VHS tapes, Bun would return those VHS tapes to Aunt Sophie. Because the borrowing VHS tapes and returning the VHS tapes happen every week, so it is like a regular routine.

Movies that are in my movie DVD collection after 2006. But, close to this period of time.

"Silent Hill" (2006) (I watched "Silent Hill" around the release date. Because I heard it is based on the Konami's video game, "Silent Hill"). In the later on chapters, I will explain why I watched this movie many times. "Better Tomorrow" (Chinese Cinema): The same with "Silent Hill", in the later on chapters, I will explain why I watched this movie many times.

I didn't list the comedy movies that I watched with my family. My reasons is because I'm currently already facing enough problems. Comedy movie might misinterpreted I'm not being serious about the problems in my life.

Right now, it seem like whatever movie I watch have some kind effect on my life. So, I was thinking what if I watch the family theme's movies again. It is not too heavy. "Harry Potter" movie series could be argued as heavy theme. But, at the end of each years, Hogwarts school principal would give out awards to the students who have shown qualities and accomplished tasks. These awards lighten the movies.

I would tells myself because the protagonist, Harry Potter is a wizard that is why he is having a hard time fitting in the world. But, he is famous in the wizard's world.

Since I have watched those family theme movies many times in the past. And, it look like I'm appreciating those movies. In addition, I felt like it is beyond I'm enjoying watching those movies. Because I felt that the magic from those movies have provided me with guidance through the difficulty in my life.

What if I watch those family theme movies again would it give me that same feeling like in the past or would it create problems in my life?

What I want to says is there are days I felt very stress out. And, I want to give myself a break by watching a movie. I don't want it to turn out to be making myself even more stressful.

That is why I wrote this "Important Note". Example: I want to watch a movie and don't have to felt like I'm creating more stress to myself.

I'm Still At the Beginning of My Healing Process

It is a trap to talk about the following:

[Trapping Myself Argument 01 Begin]

I have inferior background led to a situation of I have to beat overwheming odds. And, I have to face a lot of pressures. Dealing with my situation led to destructive self- criticisms. The destructive self-criticisms led to the following:

"Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the Beast." From the song, "Beauty and the Beast". Nothing ever change Scenarios. I Told You So Scenarios. And, so on.

Beauty and the Beast, Disney Fairy Tales, Nothing Ever Change, I Told You So, refined education through high education study, get rich or die trying, struggle for power, fame, and global domination, battle for survival, battle for the title as the strongest person in the world, and so on. Mean people already know about those things. There is nothing new about those things. There are no originality about those things.

[Trapping Myself Argument 01 End]

That is why I keep saying it is a trap to talk about I have to kill myself.

Because I'm hurting myself and degenerating myself explaining about the problems in my life and the arguments against me. So, instead of trapping myself (or killing myself). I called tormenting thoughts.

In Book 1 Introduction Part 01-09, Chapter 1, and "Emergency" section in Chapter 2. And, Book 2 Introduction. I wrote about the problems in my life and the arguments against me. Including my situation. In each "Important Note", I would continue explaining about my situation. There are 14 "Important Note" so far including this one.

What if those 20 pages and 14 "Important Note" is not enough to explain about my situation? I miss out on something. That one thing I miss out create a chain effect in my life and it destroy me.

This mean being forced to have to kill myself led to, "What did I do that is so wrong for this to happen to me?" In other words, it is upsetting. Because the anwer is my inferior background is what started all the conflicts. Example: If I didn't have inferior background, then I don't have to be forced to kill myself.

The way I see it. It would be better if people give me supports. Instead forcing me to kill myself.

This mean at this rate. I'm not going to last long.

Yet, before writing about this, I did told myself. I'm going to try very hard to give myself a little bit of hope.

Is it about did I got that little bit of hope or not, or is it about did people give me supports or not?

So, the question is, "What am I trying very hard for?"

From this question, I would argues that I want to take my first step by trying to get some supports first. Then, complain about I'm being haunted by demons.

Yet, being forced to kill myself. Being haunted by demons. And, I have no supports. Would led to, "How long could I last?"

Looking at what I have wrote so far in this section would led to. Going back to the question, "Is it okay to have a little bit of bit hope?" From that question, my goal on writing this section is to have a little bit of hope.

Does this mean having a little bit of hope is equivalent to I'm dealing with the tormenting thoughts?

The argument is if I have a little bit of hope is equivalent to I have overcame the tormenting thoughts.

Going back to what I wrote at the beginning of this section, I'm trapping myself (or killing myself), So, I'm going to narrow down to the following 2 choices. In addition, in the future, if I'm being pressured by the tormenting thoughts, then I would write another "Important Note".

Choice 1: I believe that one day, I might able to get some supports. Example: There are people who would acknowledge that I have accumulated 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournaments. Those people would show their appreciation to those First Places by giving me some supports.

Choice 2: I would tells myself if I have to keep stopping my writing of the healing process to write about my tormenting thoughts. Also, I'm still at the beginning of the healing processs. Then, I'm not going to last long.

I would argues because I want find a solution to my current situation. So, I'm pushing myself to hurry on finish writing this healing process. The reason I have to hurry is because I'm still at the beginning of it. Also, while I'm writing this healing process, I have to write the Important Notes, so I could deal with my tormenting thoughts. In addition, because it is a very long healing process, so when I'm done writing it, it might be too late. Is it about finish it or not or is it about could too late?

Who would have guessed reading my PTTS posts or leave me a feedback could save me from tormenting myself to death?

Trapping Myself Argument

Trapping Myself Argument also known as Get Rich Or Die Trying Argument.

It is a trap to talk about the following:

[Trapping Myself Argument 02 Begin]

Daily Cooking: When you are poor, you decided to have 3 1/2 teaspoons of salts. Instead of 4 teaspoons. In your chicken soup. The voices in your head would criticize you. Your body started having rashes (pimples). When you are rich, you accidentally put 3 teaspoons of salts. Instead of 4 teaspoons. In your chicken soup. People would give you praises that your chicken soup tasted very delicious. Or, you created a very delicious soup mix.

Looking For A Girlfriend: When you are poor, if you have thoughts about maybe one day you could ask a girl to be your girlfriend. You can't even have thoughts about girls. When you are rich, girls are lining up to want to talk with you and want to be your girlfriend(s).

Little Things In Your Life: When you are poor, every little things you do is creating problems in your life. Everything you do is not right and/or not good enough. When you are rich, every little things you do is getting praises and/or being appreciate by people all over the world.

Getting Feedback: When you are poor, you are trying very hard for many years to get feedback at tumblr.com, but you can't get any feedback. Also, the voice in your head is telling you should be happy with no feedback.

Please Help Me: When you are poor, you posted up many posts at tumblr.com asking for help, but you have no feedback. When you are rich, you don't need to ask for help. People want to help you.

Trying To Connect With Your Community: When you are poor, it is very hard for you to talk with the people in your community. Also, you are getting bad vibe in your community. When you are rich, you don't have to worry about being connect with your community. Also, you have good vibe in your community.

[Trapping Myself Argument 02 End]

I would argues whenever I get a chance to talk about my situation. I would point out that I want to get connected with my community. Have friends and connections. Like I wrote above, when you are poor, bad lucks keep happening to you. So, I'm very confused.

The very confusing would led to the following argument: I'm not trying hard enough.

Old Age Agument: This argument is I'm an athlete, I exercise a lot, and play in 2 high school sport teams. So, the old age start happening to me at 60 years old. The old age happen to the average people at 50 years old. This mean I get 10 more years than the average people.

Daily Newspaper Argument: I would argues while I was growing up, I sees my father, Chung Wun Lam read the Chinese Newspapers daily. And, watch the News on TV daily. So, I been thinking that the society care about Newspapers and News on TV like my father. This mean the society would give me a chance to explain about the problems in my life.

I would argues it is hard for me to get feedback, appreciation, and support, but I don't want to kill myself. And, I think life should be appreciate even though, it is hard for me to get appreciation. In addition, according to the Old Age Argument, I'm not at my old age. According to the Daily Newspaper Argument, I get to have a chance to explain about the problems in my life.

This mean it is very hard for me to kill myself. So, if someone kill me as an act of mercy, because my life is a misery and it is hard for me to kill myself. Then, I won't die without a fight.

In the later on chapters, I would write about my Mission Bay High School (MBHS) years. Right now, I'm going to briefly go over an event in my MBHS years.

On 1999, Coach Shehe is the teacher aid in my class. Later on, on 2003, he became my English teacher and my MBHS wrestling team head coach.

In addition, whenever he talk with me, I could tells:

He did some background check on me.

He think that I'm facing a lot of problems in my life. Also, I'm lacking confidence because of those problems. The lacking confidence make me felt discouraged about life and have low self-esteem.

In one of the talks, he told me in the book, "Half Nelson" the protagonist is facing a lot of problems in his high school classes and at his house. So, he is lacking confidence in life. The lacking confidence make him having a hard time focusing on life.

Nevertheless, he would train very hard during the wrestling practices in the wrestling gym. The hard training was able him to stop the problems in his life and lack of confidence from ruin his life. At the same time, the hard training made him became a champion in the wrestling competition. I think what he trying to tells me is the Constantly Doing Physical Exercise Argument could stop the problems in a person life.

But, I think this argument, Constantly Doing Physical Exercise could only apply to my life while I was in the MBHS sport teams. Because back then, I could relies on my family members and my friends.

I would argues that I want to Constantly Doing Physical Exercise and stop thinking about "Trapping Myself Argument 02" or just don't think too much in general. But, I might run out of food and don't have foods to eat.

In addition, Constantly Doing Physical Exercise Argument is hard. I have to deal with my situation while doing physical exercise make it harder.

So, it is discontent if I able following through with the Constantly Doing Physical Exercise Argument by pushing myself through the hardship. Then, after got through the hardship, my situation made me don't have foods to eat.

This mean I been telling myself to Contantly Do Physical Exercise and don't think too much. And, it is not about able to push myself through the hardship or not. So, I want to ask the following question: Would I able to have foods to eat while pushing myself through the hardship?

Yet, I could vibe the following argument: If I stop thinking too much and/or trapping myself, then I have a higher chance of pushing myself through the hardship.

Relieving the Peer Pressures

The argument is because I have inferior background including immigrant status. So, the peer pressures is I think that my goal is to be like a regular student in the CPES campus.

But, what is the standard as a regular student?

My apartment is on Grand Avenue, turn left on Jewell Street. Continue walking until you get the CPES campus.

One time, while walking on the sidewalk of Jewell Street to our apartment. Me, Du, and Sandy decided to play tag. So, the tag game made us went to the alley way of Jewell Street.

In the alley way, we stop playing tag. And, started admiring a beautiful house. We started talking about the people who live in that beautiful house must be wealthy doctors.

Then, from the other side of fence of the beautiful house, a classmate, Anthony Munoz called out to me, "Hi Neng, what are you doing here?"

I told Du and Sandy I'm going to have a talk with Anthony. I'll catch up with them. They told me they will wait for me at Jewell Street.

I told Anthony I live on Grand Avenue. This mean my apartment is only 1 street away from his house.

I continue telling him that he already apologize to me back on 1993 when he held me back, so Ryan McClurg could punch me. I already accepted his apology.

Then, I asked him if he want to play tag with us?

"There is probably not enough space to play tag in my backyard." He told me.

"How about the alley way?" I asked him.

"I want to, but my parents don't want me to get out of the fence." He replied.

Even though, he held me back, so Ryan could punch me. And, he already apologized to me later on. But, I think if he have to stay inside the fence and can't play with other children, then it is kind of sad.

I think the reason I have this thought is because me and him been in the same class for multiple years. Also, my apartment is only a street away from his house.

So, I told him. I walk to school daily on Jewell Street. His house is on Jewell Street. That is why this is the first time I sees him, because he have to stay inside the fence.

He asked me if I want to come in his house. I told him me my brother and my cousin are waiting for me.

Then, I left the alley way and meet up with Du and Sandy.

The next day, I suggest to Anthony, that we could get to know each other if he come to my birthday party. This mean you have to get out of your fence.

Then, I told him that I will stop by his house and ask his parents if he could come to my birthday party. So, me and him set an appointment for me to stop by.

While I stop by his house. After I asked his parents. His parents told me that he wanted to have a talk with Anthony first.

As I'm waiting for his parents to finish the talk with him, I could tell that his parents and him are having talk about my birthday party.

Then, he told me that his parents doesn't want him to go to my birthday party.

In a way, I was expecting him to say no. Because his parents doesn't want him to leave the fence of his house.

Also, this is probably the best way. So, I could continue with my life and don't have to feel like I have to stop by his house, because I walk by his house daily. After all, he helped Ryan. That is how how Ryan able to make that punch on my stomach.

In addition, meeting him in his house is a more official way to accepted his apology for what happen on 1993 when he held me back, so Ryan could punch me.

Even though, he didn't come to my birthday party, but he gave me a birthday present on my birthday.

The birthday present is a very high-tech water-gun. The birthday present Adam Maze gave barely beat his. Because I been wanting a chance to starting collecting the NBA basketball league cards. So, the basketball trading cards Adam gave me was like what I was hoping to get as a present.

Afterward, me and Anthony continue with our life like before I met him at his house.

As for Adam, I told Adam I forgive him for not coming to my birthday party even though, we are supposed to be best friend. But, he don't have to give me a birthday present. Yet, I really like the present he gave me.

Then, I added if you wanted your present back. Or, if you wanted half of it. Then, I don't blame you. Because your present made me really happy on my birthday.

"Lets play Pogs." I suggested to him. To try to change the subject about my birthday party.

"I need to tell you something. I'll tell you during our game of tetherball." He told me.

While me and him are playing the tetherball game, he told me the following: "When my parents pick up today. I want you to have something. Keep it between me and you to avoid creating suspicion. Do whatever with it as you want. It is your."

Because me and him are best friend. So, I could accept another present from him.

"You will see." I could hear him mumbled to himself.

After about 15-20 minutes, his parents waved toward him from a distance.

"I have to go. Take this." He said and he handed me a bag. Then, he ran toward his parents.

When him and his parents are out of sight. I climbed up to the top of the Monkey Bar. After I made sure there are no one around, I took a peek inside the bag.

"Oh my god." I thought out loud.

Then, I quickly hide that bag inside my backpack. I try to wipe away any sweat on my forehead and face. And, act normal.

While I'm walking back to my apartment with Du and Sandy. I didn't talk with them to avoid creating any suspicion.

"He gave me his entire Pog collection. Do you know how much it worth? I have not sees any children have as many Pogs as him. Am I old enough to handle something this valuable?" I thought to myself during the walk.

"The average regular Pog cost 25-50 Cents each Pog. The lower quality Pog cost 5-10 for a $1.00. The holographic Pog $1.00 or more each Pog. Super Rare Pog cost more than holographic Pog. Promo Pog cost more than Super Rare Pog.

The average regular Slammer cost $1.00 each Slammer. Usually, 1 Slammer is worth about 5 Pogs.

This entire Pog collection make me a very rich student at CPES campus.

I remember Marc Hua told me one day, he would bring his most valuable trading card, "Jerry Rice" to school to show me.

I thought that was my only way to come near a trading card.

Then, Adam gave a brand new collection of 50 collectable trading cards for my birthday. "Michael Jordan" is the most valuable card in that collection. Is it arguable "Michael Jordan" is worth more than "Jerry Rice". "Michael Jordan" is the MIP in the Chicago Bulls basketball team. "Jerry Rice" is the quarterback in the San Francisco 49ers football team.

I don't know how much the 50 trading cards is worth.

But, I think that large Pog collection could worth. The lowest is $30. The highest is $60 or more.

What about the amount of time it take to search for all the Super Rare Pogs and Promo Pogs? What about the Pogs no longer selling in the store and out of print, you can't find those Pogs anywhere?

I flash a few of the Super Rare Pogs or Promo Pogs to the students, I would be the most popular student in the campus." I continue to thought to myself during the walk.

"If I tells him to take it back the next day. Then, I broke the agreement. What if I told him I would keep it as though it is mine. But, I'm okay with it if he wanted back." I continue to thought to myself during the walk.

After that though, I stop being nervous and sweating over his Pog collection. There are around 100 Pogs. And, 20 Slammers.

Most Pogs are made out of durable thick cardboard. There are Pogs made out plastic. The Pog and Slammer size is about 2 centimeter radius circle. The Slammer made out of hard thick plastic. The thickness of the Pog is as thick as a Credit Card. The thickness of the average Slammer is as thick as 3-5 Pogs stacked together. Pog only have 1 thickness. As for Slammer, there are an arrange of thickness for Slammers.

Some Pog players think that the Super Thick Slammer is better. Other Pog players think that thin Slammer have more control and technique.

Pogs and Slammers have 2 sides like a coin. The front side is like the Head side of the coin. The back side is like the Tail side of the coin.

There is a picture on the Pog front side. The pictures are characters from popular cartoons. Beside cartoon characters, the pictures could be creative, imaginative, or abstract designs or patterns. Example: Logos, symbols, and so on.

Most of the time, the Pog back side is plain/blank. Sometime, the back side have description and/or advertisement.

Most of the time, you could feel the engraved image on the front side of the Slammer. Slammer back side is like Pog back side, plain/blank. But, you could feel engravement on the back side of it.

The Ante could be any number of Pogs you want. But, you probably want to go with 1 Pog Ante. The number of player is the same as the Ante, you could have any number of players in 1 game. But, you probably want to go with 2-4 players.

The following are the rules for a 2-players game with 1 Pog Ante: You select a Pog you like from your opponent's Pog collection. Vice-versa, your opponent select a Pog from your Pog collection. Then, placed those 2 selected Pogs face down stack on top of each other on the ground (or a Pog matt if you have a Pog matt.). Flip a coin to decide who go first. Player1 goes first. Player2 goes second. When it is your turn, you would use your Slammer to slam on the 2 face-down Pogs. If any Pogs are face-up, then you win those Pogs. Win mean you get to keep them.

Most of the time, the Pog games I played are play for keep. I rarely play Pogs for fun. Play for fun mean after the game is over, you return the Pogs you win back to the player(s).

The next day, while me and him is at the campus playground, I would go with his agreement and try not to get too much attention about his Pog collection.

"Man. I thought I was getting good at Pogs. Your Pog collection made me felt like I'm a beginner in Pogs. I mean that is a lot of Pogs you gave me." I told him.

"You still remember that day you beat me in the "Four Square" game and "Monkey Bar". The students are cheering out your name. Forget about Pogs for now. Watch this. I'm going to says "Bloodsport", the crowd going to cheer out, "Knock Su Cout"." He told me.

Then, he turn his attention toward the students. "Listen up! Bloodsport." He raised his voice toward the students. Then, the students started cheering out, "Knock Su Cout… Knock Su Cout… Knock Su Cout…"

"That is what I'm talking about." He told me.

But, the crowd cheering is like my life. Because each fight I fought. There is a crowd of students cheering out my name. I don't sees anything new about it. Yet, the Pog collection could bring me things I want in life. Example: I could show people that Pog collection and get accepted as a collectable merchandise importer.

"I'm the Empty Handed Combat league regulator. I sees the crowd cheering all the time." I told him.

"I'm not done yet. Watch this." He replied.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!!!" He shouted toward the students.

All of a sudden, all the students in the playground started cheering out, "Mortal Kombat… Mortal Kombat… Mortal Kombat…"

Back to the mega water-gun. During the water-gun battles, my siblings, my cousins, my friends, and neighbors would fight over a chance to use that mega water-gun Anthony gave me.

Because it is much more powerful than the 99 Cents Store water-guns. All the people in the water-gun battles, are using the 99 Cents water-guns, I'm the only person with a mega water-gun. The 99 Cents water-gun could only load about 10+ ounces of water. That mega water-gun tank could load up to half of a gallon. One pump from that mega water-gun is like getting hit by multiple water-balloons.

I would let my siblings, my cousins, my friends, and neighbors take turn using that mega water-gun. We all really like using that mega water-gun. Also, we all have a lot of fun using that mega water-gun. So happen water-gun battle is our most favorited activity during the hot Summer days. Example: You wanted to get soaking wet to cool down on a hot Summer day. But, if you got soaking wet, then you are eliminated in the water-gun battle.

Looking at the water-gun battles, is it arguable Anthony's birthday present is better Adam's birthday present.

I would argues that because there are a lot of pressures on the most beautiful and beloved baby in Sand Be image. Being haunted by ghosts and nightmares. Living in the USA is a dream. And, the tough struggles I went through to adjust to living in the USA. So, I would try to cherish as much memories as I can.

But, the peer pressures are I'm an immigrant with inferior background. Anthony have wealthy doctor background. Adam have wealthy sport management background. The argument is nobody would believe what I wrote because compare my background to Anthony's background and Adam's background, I'm not important.

I argues that things finally work out for me. The students are celebrating me as the champion. Me and Adam became best friend. Anthony wanted to be my friend. Ashley wanted to be my girlfriend. And, my parents finally give me some of their time by spending some time with me. The peer pressures would argue it was a trap. I got trapped the whole time. I should have stay away from my family, because I'm living in a dysfunctional family.

Even though, I wanted a chance to explain what happen. But, I would argues the peer pressures could lead to making my situation very confusing.

Because I'm stress out about my situation. Also, it is a healing process. So, I'm going to put the peer pressures to the side in the following section (next section).

"Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 34" continue in TM Game Tournament Magazine Announcement 14 Part 04.

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