puckerslave

[puckerslave]

francohart-motta‌:

Franco nodded, “Well dude, it’s really good to see you again! Phoenix is nice, I think we’ve been there on the tour” he smiled widely.

“Thanks. I’m gonna um... go. Nice talking to you, Franco. Enjoy the rest of your week.”

[puckerslave]

courtsidenoelle‌:

It was easy for her to lace her fingers through his, falling back into the same habits that they had years ago where she would lead and he would follow. It would be a dangerous game her to fall back into that when so much had changed in the last decade, but she found herself being just as stupid around Jae now as she had been back then. She was older and wiser but he would always be her weakness and it didn’t seem like time apart hadn’t changed that. She was silent until they were outside of the hotel and walking down the sidewalk. Her thumb ran across his knuckles. “How are you feeling being back?” Coming back had been its own struggle for her so she could only imagine what he was going through.

Jae didn’t think it was possible to hate Lima any more than he already did, but after what Ferdi told him about Noelle relapsing, he absolutely never hated anything more. It was better than hating himself. Not that he could hate himself anymore than he already did. The air was still cool and he could see his breath condense in front of him. Her question was to be expected but it still caught him off guard. “I don’t love it,” he answered honestly. “But I’m glad I came.” He continued t concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, making it easier to just talk. “Ferdi and I got to talk the other day. Like actually talk. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like things might actually be okay.”

Checking In || Jaenelle

[puckerslave]

courtsidenoelle‌:

Noelle had been trying to give Jae his space during the trip. She wasn’t sure what coming back to the Institute was going to do to his mental state, and she didn’t want to crowd him and make things worse than they needed to be. Part of her had thought about leaving him behind, but she worried that leaving him alone for a week would be even worse. Putting Logan down to bed, she checked on Ferdi first to let him know that she would be spending a couple of hours with Jae before she went to go find the other man, greeting him with a smile once she did. “Hey, let’s go for a walk.” She held out her hand to him.

Jae had just been trying to keep to himself as much as he could. He was still trying to navigate being back in the ‘real world’ and the last thing he wanted to do was put a damper on Noelle and Ferdi’s vacation. Not anymore than he already had at least. He was just sitting on the couch, lost in all of the music he was trying to catch up on when Noelle pulled him from his thoughts. He returned her smile - it was getting easier to smile. He took her hand without hesitation and his stomach flipped at the memory her simple touch could produce. For a moment, he was twenty again. In love. Happy. He took the pods out of his ears and slipped his phone into his pocket as he followed her out of the hotel room. 

Checking In || Jaenelle

[puckerslave]

ferdixadamsxrn‌:

Ferdi only nodded as Jae very clearly made the connection. “Yeah. She relapsed and it was really bad,” he said softly. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting in Jae’s answer, but it certainly wasn’t that. “Oh Jae,” he said softly, instinctively reaching out to rub the man’s shoulder, “I am so sorry. That’s terrible,” he said softly. “I know there’s nothing that can fix all that, but is there anything I can do to help things moving forward?”

Jae closed his eyes and tried not to think about the state he left Noelle in but the more he tried to push it out, the more he could imagine her spiraling out of control. His chest was tightening, trying to fill the hole that was left by what he had done to the one person he loved more than anything else in the world. Ferdi’s words came through the fog and he focused on them enough to comprehend what he was saying. He nearly flinched at Ferdi’s touch, but he managed to keep from moving too much. He shook his head and continued to breath in his through his nose and out of his mouth. “There’s nothing... I just...” He paused and sighed, trying to put his thoughts into words. “This helped. Thank you, Ferdi.” Up until this point he didn’t know if they were going to be able to move forward, but this was a step in the right direction. 

It’s Time | Ferdi and Jae

[puckerslave]

francohart-motta‌:

Franco bit his lip and he nodded, “Yeah that’s awesome dude, Noelle is incredible, I had mad respect for her back in school” he smiled as he played with his hands, “You living anywhere nice?”

Jae smiled once again, except this time it was more genuine. If there was anyone that could make him smile in his current state, it was Noelle. “Oh yeah, they have a really nice house in Phoenix. It’s cool.”

[puckerslave]

ferdixadamsxrn‌:

Ferdi sipped his tea and settled onto a chair - it seemed the time was now. “Maybe,” he agreed softly. Maybe they could kill two birds here. “I mean, my biggest issue was this whole thing was kinda thrown on me. She just came home with you one day, I didn’t have time to have an opinion on it,” he admitted quietly, “And then, over the last couple months she’s just been doting on you and seemed to shift her focus to you and that bothered me. Not because I can’t share attention - I can. But…Jae, you weren’t there. You didn’t see what your leaving did to her and how she barely survived it. I did. I was by her side every moment of that and it was something I didn’t like to watch,” he said honestly and raising his eye’s to Jae’s face. “So for her to accept you back without even a thought to it - that part hurt a lot. Like, like everything I did for her didn’t matter anymore because she had you bad and we both know she always had a stronger connection to you. So, I don’t know if I’m owed anything at all, but I’d really like to know…why? Why’d you leave her like that?”

Out of everything that’s happened to him in the past couple of years, this was probably one of the hardest things he’s had to endure. Not the part about the reasons Ferdi was upset with his presence - all of that was fair and valid. It was hearing the effect he had on Noelle after he left Lima all those years ago. “She... what?” He was right, Jae wasn’t there and while he knew his leaving was going to have an affect on Noelle, he didn’t consider exactly how drastic that effect was going to be. Noelle barely survived. Which means she relapsed. Which means he should have felt selfish for leaving and she should have left his ass in that auction house. Jae curled in on himself, pulling his knees up to his chest and trying his hardest to keep his anxiety at bay. The next question caught him off guard, but it really shouldn’t have. He didn’t know where to start, even though back then it all felt so simple. But he would find the words, because Ferdi deserved the answers to his questions. 

“I... um. I was starting to go crazy back at the institute and my mental health was only getting worse everyday - to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts and I thought going home for a while would be best for me.” Jae hadn’t talked to anyone about this and while it was hard to revert back to that old head space it felt nice to unpack a bit. “I didn’t say anything cause I thought I would be back and I don’t think I would have been able to leave if I did. Which was selfish of me. But then my mom died, which only made things worse.” Jae shook his head at the memories, focusing at a spot on the floor, unable to raise his eyes to meet Ferdi’s. 

It’s Time | Ferdi and Jae

[puckerslave]

ferdixadamsxrn‌:

Feeding nodded, “you’re another submissive to her, Jae. You certainly don’t have to be waiting on me or doing things for me,” Ferdi said. There was a lot of tension right now but Ferdi very much knew and enjoyed his place with her. He sighed deeply as he tried to find the next words. “I know I haven’t made things easy on you. And I won’t bore you with the explanation unless you wanna hear it. But you’ve always meant a lot to her and that clearly hasn’t changed. So I’m going to try to be more understand about all this.”

“It’s not a service thing,” Jae clarified, his words a little clipped at the end. Him being a submissive to Noelle was never how their relationship was and with trying to adjust these last couple of months, he never thought about the type of relationship he was going to have with her. But the thought of being just another submissive to her didn’t sit well with him. “It’s just me trying to make amends.” Jae wasn’t an idiot and he realized how him showing up fucked things up for Ferdi in a big way and he couldn’t blame him for his reaction. “I think it would help tho,” he admitted after some consideration. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about why he made his decisions, but if there was anyone he owed an explanation to, it was Ferdi. “Go ahead. Ask your questions.”

It’s Time | Ferdi and Jae

[puckerslave]

francohart-motta‌:

Franco nodded as he looked the other over and he sighed, “You sure dude? It’s been years… What you been up too?” he asked, not sure if asking questions was such a hot idea but he wanted to reconnect with people.

There was nothing about his current position that made him comfortable enough to divulge where his journey took him after he left Lima Heights. “I’ve been living,” he said simply, aware of how vague that was. “I’m here with Noelle and Ferdi Adams,” he went on, giving as much as he could in hopes that the questions remained at a minimum. 

[puckerslave]

ferdixadamsxrn‌:

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he hissed bashfully when he realized he’s startled the other man, the words of his Domme floating through his head about where Jae came from and the kinds of things he must have endured. He gave a smile as he lifted the tea cup for a sip, “Actually, it’s pretty perfect, thank you,” he said sincerely. “But…you know you don’t have to do this, right? For me, I mean.”

Jae dismissed Ferdi’s apology with a wave of his hand and tried a smile, though he felt pretty awkward producing one. He was still pretty guarded, even more so around Ferdi, and any kind of small talk still put him on edge, but he appreciated that he was actually talking to him. “You mean make you tea? Or are we talking about something else?” He asked, still not sure about where he stood with the other man. He was under the impression that Ferdi still hated him. 

It’s Time | Ferdi and Jae

[puckerslave]

ferdixadamsxrn‌:

Ferdi was feeling better after getting some alone time with Noelle the night before. So in the morning, everything felt a lot better, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he knew it was time to try to fix the other side. He went out towards the kichenette area of their room to get some tea, only to see there was a cup already waiting. “Jae?” he asked, “was this you?”

It seemed like the days were dragging and the nights were only worse. But Jae was trying to make the best out of it. He was doing his best to simultaneously stay out of the way and be as helpful as he could be. This morning’s task, after writing in his daily journal like his old therapist used to suggest, he put on the kettle he asked for the night before. He made Noelle a cup of coffee that he brought to her and Ferdi a cup of tea, something he noticed the other man preferred. Still, Ferdi’s voice caught him off guard and he jumped, causing him to drop his phone to the floor. “Shit, sorry,” he replied before bending over to pick it up. “Yeah, it might be a little cold. I would have brought it to you but I didn’t want to bother you.”

It’s Time | Ferdi and Jae

[puckerslave]

francohart-motta‌:

Franco nodded, “Yeah I got married to Grace and we had two little girls” he spoke pointing to the girls just across the room, “It has been a wild few years I’ll say that. How are you?”

“That’s awesome, man.” Jae wasn’t sure what else to say on it, so he just let the conversation end there. He didn’t know how to answer Franco’s question without saying too much so he just shrugged. “I’m alright.”

[puckerslave]

francohart-motta‌:

Franco was watching his girls intently as he listened to the other guy speak and he nodded, “I’m Franco, Franco Hart” he said with a nod before adding, “Well, Hart-Motta now I’m married”. He turned to face the other guy and gave a soft smile, “You alright bud? I erm, I helped you through a panic attack years and years ago so if you need anything let me know yeah?”

Jae remembered him immediately after Franco brought up the memory and felt like an idiot. “Of course, yeah. I remember. Hey.” It was one of his least favorite memories, but he always did appreciate the stranger’s kindness. “You’re married now, that’s awesome. Married with your claim?” He asked enviously, though he did a good job of keeping his emotions in check. 

[puckerslave]

simplysilas‌:

It took Silas a moment to realize that his person was just as awkward as he was. He kept his distance and let out a long slow breath. “I know what you mean,” he agreed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out some gum. He offered some to the other person. “I’m Silas,” he said, “submissive.” He pulled his collar up so it was visible over his collar, and then looked toward the other to see if he could make out a collar or not. 

It seemed as though this stranger understood what he was feeling in that moment and he appreciated the gesture. Especially because it gave him something to do instead of just standing there like an idiot. He pulled a piece from the package and whispered a small thank you before slipping the gum into his mouth and playing with the wrapper. “Thanks, man. I’m Jae...” he stopped there and noticed how the other man pulled his collar out for display. This made him feel uncomfortable. What was he supposed to say? That up until six months ago he was a slave? “It’s nice to meet you, Silas. Who’s your Dom?” He didn’t recognize him, but maybe he remembered the one who claimed him. 

[puckerslave]

francohart-motta‌:

Franco had finally ventured onto campus and the whole of his time flooded him. He couldn’t deny that the experience hadn’t been good, he’d met Grace after all but he was hoping to never have to be back at this place. He took a moment to spend away from the group, leaning against the wall, still just able to see the girls as they clung to their mother and Annie, “Hey” he spoke before looking up, “Jae?”

After catching a few moments of air, Jae forced himself to make his way back inside the hall. But even after his break, he still wasn’t ready to ‘mingle’ so he found a spot inside, finding a moment of relief once his eyes rested on Noelle across the room. She was his only beacon of hope in this fucked up world and just her presence was comfort. He looked over at the man who joined him, another face he recognized but couldn’t put a name to. Though he could see the ‘s’ tattooed on his wrist. “Hey, um... sorry, man. My memory is shit these days.”

[puckerslave]

simplysilas‌:

Silas had never been one for people and socializing with them. He loved New York City because he could be in a crowd and no one would talk to him or even acknowledge his existence. It was amazing. But small crowds like the ones that gathered around now to catch up and talk were exhausting to Silas. He’d snuck away, telling Nate he needed some fresh air for a while and shuffled along until he found a new secluded spot only to realize it wasn’t that secluded after all. He looked up and saw someone who seemed vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place. “Oh. Hey. Sorry…didn’t mean to …intrude on your hiding spot. Too many people in there for you too? Feels like you have to have a Grammy or Oscar or Nobel Peace Prize to fit in in there.”

Jae wanted to move away but he couldn’t muster the strength or the balls. He recognized the other person as someone he would occasionally see around campus all those years ago, but he couldn’t put a name or mark to the face. It was his first interaction with casual human contact since Noelle bought him and every second made his skin crawl. But he didn’t want to make this weird or awkward, so he stood his ground, though his fingers did find it’s way to his mouth and he proceeded to bite at the short nails. He nodded but didn’t even attempt to convey any emotion. “Way too many people. It was just getting way too...” it took a moment for him to find the right words, as simple as they were. “Way too loud.” 

[puckerslave]

If Jae wasn’t trying so hard to make things better with Ferdi, he would have asked Noelle if he could stay back and opt out of his trip. Lima was the last city he wanted to be in and he could feel his chest constrict as soon as they landed and it only got tighter as they continued into town and towards the hotel. Just as he was starting to feel better, they made their way back to campus and Jae was left with an overwhelming feeling of dread. It only served to remind him of the time he made the worst decision of his life. A decision he was still paying for. He tucked his hair beneath the black hood of his sweater and made his way outside, hand dragging against the wall until he found a secluded spot to lean against the wall and collect himself. It seemed as though he wasn’t the only one with this same objective as someone came out just after him to do the same. “Oh, hey,” he greeted with a small voice. 

[puckerslave]

jaeden puckerman: the last 12 years

the pressure of the institute served to be too much for jaeden. the longer he stayed, the worse his depression and anxiety got. it got to the point where the institute and lima was toxic for him and the only reason he stayed as long as he did was because of noelle. but eventually his illness took over and when he started having thoughts of suicide, he knew he needed a break. he left without a word because he had every intention of coming back and if he was being completely honest he knew that if he tried to say goodbye to noelle, if he even looked at her, he wouldn’t have had the strength to leave. 

it was supposed to be temporary, but as the days passed, his condition only got worse. then when his mother died in a bus accident, there was no one in his life motivating him to get better. so he never did get any better and by the time he reached the pivotal age of thirty, he was sent to the slave houses of Detroit. and there he remained for the next year. being demoted from a person to a slave had it’s toll on him. he was always locked in chains and beaten for being non-compliant. his mental illness made him less desirable than the rest of the slaves - that is unless a patron wanted someone they could abuse in the worst ways. each time he was rented out, he lost a little bit of himself. 

jae was defeated and came to the conclusion that this was going to be his life. that is until noelle showed up by chance accompanying her boss. as soon as she recognized him, she was cleaning out a good portion of her savings to purchase him. she was indeed his savior but things didn’t magically get better just because she bought him. noelle already had a life, a claim with ferdi, a son, and a career. and as grateful as he was for being saved, he hated feeling like he was intruding. especially when ferdi was very clear about how much he disliked him. so he kept his head down and just tried to take it one day at a time. 

it’s only been six months since noelle purchased him so he’s still trying to navigate life after slavery and doing all he can to not only make it up to noelle but to make it up to ferdi as well, though he’s not sure if they’ll ever see eye to eye.