pukupoww

[pukupoww]

ronin the typa guy to get his top surgery done at claire's

[pukupoww]

Snow White and the Evil Queen

synopsis:- The Evil King, Kaiser, has just found out that some whimsy guy with skin as white as snow (not really), named Alexis Ness, is the finest shyt of them all! After some mid witchcraft, it is up to you, the princess, to save Snow Nes– I mean White.

warnings:- fluff, crack, mentions of witchcraft and poisoning, seven short gym bros, an ad break

🌸:- so the nonconsensual kissing of unconscious peoples in the OG story always weirded me out so theres obvious consent here, also no one is kissing unconscious people thats disgusting. also thank you so so much to @jeonwiixard for beta reading i love u ho

divider creds to @/uzmacchiato

A long while ago, back when people didn't have wifi, they used to spend almost all of their time in front of cursed mirrors instead. And by 'they' I mean Kaiser, The Infamous Evil King.

No one knew where he'd gotten the mirror. Some say he got it for 30% off at Walmart. In his defense, it seemed like a good deal.

Anyway, every day, he would ask his enchanted mirror the same question.

"Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the finest shyt of them all?"

And for years, the mirror lied comfortably, like a toxic best friend.

"Obviously you, King. Look at that winged eyeliner."

But then came a day when the mirror was particularly thirsty for drama.

"Actually... it's Ness. He was voted white boy of the month, don't blame me."

Hearing that made Kaiser so infuriated that he threw a Swarovski-encrusted goblet at the wall.

"WHAT?! NESS?! The stable boy with those god-awful Labubus?!"

The mirror flinched. "The forest aesthetic gave him mad aura. He glows now. He has thousands of followers on Faestagram. He even winked at that cute princess."

Kaiser scowled. "Fine! If he wants to be the finest, then he can be the deadest too!"

"That's not a word..."

Ignoring the mirror, Kaiser snaps his fingers. "Oh, Royal Huntsman! I summon thee!"

In came Isagi, looking as tired as ever. "Yes, Your Royal Pain-in-the-Ass?" he deadpanned.

Kaiser ignores that too.

"I need you to take care of a certain... stable boy for me. Take him into the woods and make sure he never comes back."

"You want me to kill Ness."

Kaiser shrugged. “Let the wolves have him. I don't care.”

“I thought you liked Ness.”

“I liked being prettier than Ness.”

“...You're insane.”

Kaiser grinned. It was almost maniacal. “And you work for me.”

Isagi sighed in a way that clearly showed how done he was with his shit.

“I need a new job.”

With the promise of views that would make for some bomb selfie backgrounds, Isagi lured Ness into the woods.

Ness twirled. “Wow, such fresh air! I feel radiant. This is doing wonders for my skin!”

“You're literally wearing perfume.”

“I prepared for this journey. It's called aesthetic.”

“You know you're supposed to be dead, right?”

Ness paused. “Like… metaphorically?”

Isagi pulled out a dagger.

Ness started screaming like a generic anime girl and threw a raccoon at him.

Chaos ensured.

Eventually, Isagi gave up, rubbed his temples and snapped, “JUST GO. Run into the woods. Hide in a cottage. I don't know. I don't care. I'll tell Kaiser you tragically tripped over your own narcissism and drowned in a puddle.”

Ness sniffled dramatically. “You… you're letting me live?”

“No. Isagi is a free elf, bitch.”

After a near death experience with some incredibly violent tree branches, Ness found himself at a suspiciously symmetrical cottage.

Outside, a sign read, ‘NO SKINNY LIFTERS.”

In the cottage, lived seven cursed gym bros, all once tall and hot, now short and beefy.

Their names were; Biceps, Triceps, Glutes, Back, Chest, Legs and Shoulders. They even had a cat named ‘Pre-Workout’.

Ness, of course, stumbled inside. Ah, you can't take him anywhere!

The seven short, aggressively-jacked men were all shirtless, and glistened with sweat. They were all doing various workouts while Taylor Swift's ‘Bejeweled’ played in the background.

“...Did I die and go to gay Valhalla?”

Bicep paused mid-plank. “You're not protein.”

Chest scowled at the trail of glitter Ness left behind. “And you're shedding sequins on our yoga mats! We use those for pilates, you know!”

Glutes gasped. “Is he injured? Or just that radiant??”

“I swear to John Cena if this is another cursed royal…,” started Shoulders.

Ness clutched his pearls. “I am not cursed! I'm persecuted! And I've walked for hours. My fresh manicure broke! A squirrel threw an acorn at me!”

Glutes looked over to his frat brothers with his large doe eyes. “Can we keep him? Please?”

Legs sighed. “Can he cook?”

“Can he spot?”

Ness perked up. “I can make a divine mushroom omelet! And I sparkle when I cry.”

All seven gym bros turned to each other, and nodded slowly.

“He may stay.”

You were a wandering princess who heard rumors of ‘a boy finer than the king and dumb enough to trust raccoons', so naturally your first instinct was to investigate.

You found Ness dramatically pretending to faint in a meadow. He fluttered his lashes when you touched his shoulder.

“Oh, dear Princess!” he cried out with a hand to his temple. “I think I have been poisoned! By jealousy!”

You blinked. Then sniffed. Then sniffed again.

“Is that Bleu de Chanel I smell on you?”

Suddenly the world became dark. A single spotlight shone down on Ness as jazz played faintly in the background.

He flipped his hair in slow motion. Water droplets came out of nowhere.

In his hand was a bottle of perfume, which he held gently as he stared into an imaginary camera.

He spoke in an obnoxiously french accent. “Pride by LGBTQ. Wear your colors.”

Everything went back to normal after that.

“Um… what the fuck was that?” you asked.

Ness chuckled, his voice going back to normal. “It was a sponsorship. I'm an influencer, honey, how do you think I pay my bills?” (a/n:- this is a joke, there are no sponsors <- for legal purposes)

“Oh, okay,” you were already used to the weirdness in fairytales from experience, so you didn't let it get to you.

Then just as you thought nothing weird was gonna happen again, a shadow fell over the meadow once again.

“Step away from her.”

It was Kaiser, emerging from the fog like he paid the weather to match his mood. Which wasn't that unlikely now that I think about it. Anyway, his cloak was billowing. Rings glinting. Hair slicked back with excessive amounts of rage and hair gel.

“Really?” you deadpanned. “Witchcraft? Again? Micheal, we've talked about this.”

He looked at you with stormy eyes and his mouth twisted into a pout. He ignored Ness entirely. “You should've picked me.”

“You literally tried to murder a man with a fruit basket! I mean, look at him!” You shoved Ness’ face towards him. “Does he look like he can do any bad thing ever?”

“Darling, he winked at you! The audacity!”

You rolled your eyes. “And you tried to turn a forest into an ice biome because I said I liked winter.”

“I was being festive.”

Before anyone could throw hands or poisoned apples, the gym bros appeared. All shirtless and oiled up and holding tree logs as dumbbells.

“Who's threatening the sparkle twink?”

Kaiser squinted. “What the… Why are they so small?”

“We got cursed at a rave,” muttered one.

Chaos nearly broke out until Ness, sensing a romantic climax, gasped, clutched his chest and dramatically collapsed into a fake coma.

“Only a true love's kiss can save me!” he wailed pre-collapse. “Just saying!!”

Everyone turned to you, the hero in this story.

You, who had never signed up for this nonsense, sighed, knelt and leaned in.

Only to be yanked back by Kaiser.

He growled, “If you kiss him, I'll…I'll hex the moon!”

You stared him down. “And if I kiss you?”

Silence.

Even the birds stopped singing.

“...Then I'll burn every mirror in the kingdom and let you ruin me,” he replied way too fast to be nonchalant.

Ness sat up, offended. “HEY—”

You kissed Kaiser cuz well, who could resist?

It was electric, ridiculous, and lowkey kind of hot if you ignored all the gym bros watching.

Somewhere in the distance, the cursed mirror exploded in protest. It was just that good.

Kaiser pulled back, dazed. “I forgive Ness for existing.”

You smirked. “You're welcome.”

In the end, Ness became a loved forest influencer with 2.7 million followers, the gym bros embraced their dwarfism and opened up a gym named Flex and Hex available to fae of all heights and you and Kaiser ruled together, with him making laws out of pettiness and you vetoing 70% of them.

And you all lived happily ever after.

taglist:- @jeonwiixard @lizbix @alexisjusthere @saeyari @pinkymangacaps @sleepy-waffle @rayne-rayne-go-away @fromsaltandsea @kaikaidenkai @l0v3ly-st4rs @annawrites444 @byzantiumhollow @blu3-l0v3r

Once Upon A Prince — Masterlist

Previous — Ice King Rin

[pukupoww]

#heruinsmeandimokaywiththat

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HE’S SO FINE !!!

@airybcby

[pukupoww]

Notes⏜ 𖹭 This has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I've finally gained the courage to share my work for the first time here so feedback would be appreciated<33

Warnings⏜ 𖹭 Angst, angst and more angst, maybe slightly oc Ness

Bf!Ness who was absolutely devastated—heartbroken, to say the least, when you uttered those dreaded words that night.

Bf!Ness who stood frozen before you, watching his whole word shatter. He couldn't believe you'd wanted a break out of nowhere. Had he done something wrong? Surely, he must have. Why else would you look at him like that..?

Bf!Ness who wanted to respect your decision, give the time and space needed, couldn't help but wonder, if he was ever enough to begin with.

ExBf!Ness who didn’t fight to keep you—not because he didn’t love you, but because he loved you too much to make you stay.

ExBf!Ness who replayed that night over and over, wondering what he missed, what he could’ve done, what he should’ve been.

ExBf!Ness who stared at the empty side of the bed like it might suddenly hold you again if he waited long enough.

ExBf!Ness who told himself he was over it, that people move on—but still reached for his phone when something reminded him of you.

ExBf!Ness who saw you again just once, across the street, laughing with someone else.

ExBf!Ness who, in the end, could only turn away, knowing he would never stop loving you—never stop loving you, even if you were already gone.

Credits to @cafekitsune for the divider

[pukupoww]

He’s so majestic

[pukupoww]

MAN WHATEVER i needed to draw my two favorite men together (ok alexis is just a girl dont hmu)

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🫶🏻

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Michael kaiser ✨️💙

My twt (X): kanaade_

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Uhm... idk

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10000 years ago we were cats purring next to each other in a patch of sunlight. you dont remember but its fine

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If you ever catch me smiling like an idiot, it’s because I’m looking at Kaiser panels.

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unless they specifically asked, you don’t get to tell a fanfic writer you think they mischaracterized the character by the way. because the second someone writes a fanfic about a character, that character becomes the writer’s own version of the character. canon is only a suggestion, but whether or not an author will follow it / how much of canon an author will take is entirely up to them. you don’t get to stick your nose in their world and tell them “hey this is not to my liking therefore I think you’re doing it wrong” when you can simply leave quietly and move on to something else you may enjoy

[pukupoww]

I’d like to think that a sort of enemies to lovers scenario with Ness would be way more common than you’d think. Like you hate on Kaiser one time and he’s seething the same way he was with Isagi. The only difference from the typical enemies to lovers formula is that it would probably have to be one sided. Ness hates you but you think he’s the cutest man to have ever existed!

Also sorry for taking long on the lunch lady fic. I just have so many assignments to do all the time.

[pukupoww]

ok but is anyone else just absolutely Infatuated with their f/o like. they could just be just. there and i’m like ‘omg you are so cute you are just the most wonderful being words cannot describe how much i love you mwah mwah mwahmwahmwahmw’

[pukupoww]

when i saw the jellyfish merch i was like. yeah i gotta. cus like hes ??? literally highkey got the jellyfish cut. why not him

[pukupoww]

I'm a sucker for this