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sonnenblumenkern
why love myself when i could fall harder for you instead? | tw ed
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Guess who’s back again with her shit? Haha, it’s me! Not sure I’ll be staying long enough to actually do some real damage, but I’m feeling a bit self distructive tonight.
On another note, where are all the people I’d see daily on my feed? I’ve seen 2 blogs, and that’s about it. I wanna see the same post reblogged from 10 different accounts.
#being tired and definitely not in the mood for people isn't a good combination folks#it's also really frustrating when your gf hasn't been giving you much attention all week#and the one day she has time she keeps talking about idols#i get it i like them too but we're real rn and not celebrities we follow on social media? lmao#give me attention pls#this day has been rough phew#personal#i think???#this blog is turning into a diary i s2g
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other social media platforms are so glossy and fake .. like on tumblr the girls are suffering right out in the open
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Not me casually contemplating going back to restricting calories and working out on top of that so I can finally get rid of my muffin top
Like, why is starving the first thing to cross my mind when thinking about losing weight? Lmao
#tw ed#personal#am I back? Probably not but this is my tumblr and I will cry if I want to#on a happier note tho I haven't gained any weight I am still under the cursed 58kg B)#but reading through my old posts I remember why I wanted to lose weight so much#she thinks my butt and boobs are nice but like#she said petite bodies are her kink and I Am Nowhere Close To Petite#I just want an ana friend who'll motivate me to work out ahaha#pro ana
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i got 99 problems and about 95 of them would be solved if i was rich
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Do I go back to skipping meals so I lose more weight before she visits or do I just cut out sweets or do I not change my diet at all or do I “forget” to eat all day until it’s too late to eat or do I only eat a certain amount of calories a day or do I
#so many options#personal#tw ed#I'm so unmotivated to lose weight atm but I know I'll be thankful when I finally make it to the 50kg#but I also haven't been weighing myself for the past month or so and I've been eating horribly so I'm scared#ahaha#and she still prefers petite feminine people and I am still :D neither :D of these :D things :D#fml#pro ana
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being a woman is thinking ur the ugliest person ever and then coming across a photo of u as a kid when u had already started to hate ur appearance and realizing u were so cute and then u do this every so often for the rest of ur life and u never learn
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i’ve spent a good 1/3rd of my life alone in my bedroom
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I might not grow taller, but at least I can become so skinny that I still achieve the lanky look. And once gyms open again and I have an income, I will work hard for beautiful lean muscles such as J*min’s or H*seok’s.
#personal#tw ed#other ppl want to look like girl group members but I want to look like men#sigh#gender envy is real
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I’ll have the flat for myself for a week, you know what that means
skipping meals without having to worry about my mum! :D
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Why is starving so hard all of a sudden? I was so good at it, and now I can't do it anymore?? Fucking bullshit
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If anything, her saying that petite bodies are her kink is pretty big motivation : ))) Gonna definitely try to get to 47kg now instead of stopping at ~53-55kg
#personal#tw ed#it sounds like I'm really close to the 55kg but nah man I'm still at 58.5kg#which makes this still an excruciatingly long journey of skipping meals and fasting#I honestly want to cry#I lost 3kg to meet her and I'm still too fat#to even consider that she might like my body too#and after everyone who's ever been interested in me liked me for my body#her definitely not being into it really#really hurts
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Watching Sowoozoo really is the best motivation to get fit, lmao
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Bitches will disappear for a week and overeat and not once weigh themselves
It's me, I'm bitches
#tw ed#personal#I told myself I'd get back on track today but it's 10am and I already snacked on sweets#if you think you're disappointed at least you're not as disappointed as I am#I'm honestly so scared to weigh myself
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do not comment on what I’m eating
do not comment how much I’m eating
do not comment how little I’m eating
do not comment on how healthy it is
do not comment on how unhealthy it is
do
not
comment
on
what
I’m
eating
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I was so proud for not eating for over 24h every day but I got really nauseous at the store today, and had to go outside and drink a little. And then we got pretzels and some snacks. I think it's kinda sad that I already can't finish a pretzel :/ but yk. We then had ramen and it was kinda yum, kinda bland but with the skating on Tuesday, and walking 5,5km yesterday, I think I'm still pretty safe
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I only had a cheesecake-chocolate muffin yesterday. I'm surprisingly good at avoiding food, lmao
On the other hand, I don't know if that makes me very likable :)))
I'm surprised I've gotten away with not eating as much as I have so far. Social anxiety also helps bc I'm so afraid of seeing her mum in the kitchen even though I have to in the next 30min or so, or I'll get in trouble, oof
Like, I ate 4 small cheese croissants and had a hibiskus black tea with a little sugar on Monday, and yesterday only medium fries from McDonald's. The only thing bothering me is not drinking as much water as I did the past month or so, so I hope my body isn't thinking we're in trouble or anything. We also skated along a small river yesterday, so I'm pretty sure I burnt at least some calories
If it keeps going like this, I'll lose weight here as well instead of gaining it back like I had feared but I'd accept the weight gain if we did more couple-y things instead of hanging out like friends😭 I wanna hold her hand so badly but I fear it's gonna be completely random to just... grab and hold onto it?? How to date/romance your crush, I need help
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