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What books have you read or are you planning to read in preparation for your wedding?

I started my reading list pretty much immediately after our engagement, and asked everyone I knew for a recommendation. The resulting list was incredibly interesting, challenging, and oftentimes very contradictory, and I’ve loved every minute of wrestling with my little makeshift curriculum alongside our proper precana. I have pages and pages of notes, and each and every book on this list has offered at least one thought I’ve loved and one I’ve hated, though, of course, that ratio has varied wildly throughout!

Religious Perspectives

By Love Refined — A. von Hildebrand

Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love — D. von Hildebrand

Homilies on Marriage and Family Life — St. John Chrysostom

Essays on Woman — E. Stein

Let Me Be a Woman — E. Elliot

Sacred Marriage — G. Thomas

Loving Him Well — G. Thomas

Three to Get Married — F. J. Sheen

The Four Loves — C. S. Lewis

Just Married — G.K. & L. Popcak

Love and Responsibility — K.J. Wojtyła

Brave New Family — G.K. Chesterton

30 Days With Married Saints — K. & C. Lassnoski

Philosophical Perspectives

The Art of Loving — E. Fromm

A Woman Looking at Men Looking at Women: Essays on Art, Sex, and the Mind — S. Hustvedt

Essays in Love — A. de Botton

Works of Love — S. Kierkegaard

How to Talk about Love: An Ancient Guide for Modern Lovers — A. D’Angour

Love and Friendship — J. Maritain

I and Thou — M. Buber

The Ethics of Ambiguity — S. de Beauvoir

Love’s Knowledge — M. Nussbaum

The Gift — L. Hyde

The Life of the Mind — H. Arendt

Time and the Soul — J. Needleman

Love in the Western World — D. de Rougemont

Letters & Memoirs

Committed — E. Gilbert

A Severe Mercy — S. Vanauken

Under Storm’s Wing — H. Thomas

A Call To A Deeper Love — Z. & L. Martin

Letters to Véra — V. Nabokov

The Letters of Caryll Houselander — C. Houselander

The World as I Found It — B. Duffy

All the Lives We Ever Lived: Seeking Solace in Virginia Woolf — K. Smyth

Counting My Chickens ... and Other Home Thoughts — D. Cavendish

La Baronne rentre à cinq heure — N. de Rothschild

A Lifelong Passion: The Letters of Nicholas and Alexandra — A. & N. Romanov

A Grief Observed — C. S. Lewis

Fiction & Poetry

The Home-Maker — D. C. Fisher

Persuasion — J. Austen

The Country of Marriage — W. Berry

Radetzky March — J. Roth

The Jeweller’s Shop — K. J. Wojtyła

Family Happiness — L. Tolstoy

Agnes Grey — A. Brontë

Till We Have Faces — C. S. Lewis

Mr. Blue — M. Connolly

An Altogether Different Language — A. Porter

The Beauty of the Husband — A. Carson

Contemporary Self-Help & Psychology

The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work — T. Real

Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence — E. Perel

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity — E. Perel

Come As You Are — E. Nagoski

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts — L. & L. Parrott

No More Perfect Marriages — M. & J. Savage

Boundaries In Marriage — H. Cloud & J. Townsend

What Makes Love Last? — J. Gottman & N. Silver

Unfinished Business: Women Men Work Family — A-M. Slaughter

She Comes First — I. Kerner

He Comes Next — I. Kerner

Homemaking

How to Keep Him (After You’ve Caught Him) Cookbook — J. Kragen & J. Perry

Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life — M.K. Peterson

The Art of the Table — S. von Drachenfels

The Poetics of Space — G. Bachelard

The Making of Home — J. Flanders

Twelve Months of Monastery Soups — V-A. d’Avila-Latourrette

Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy — S. B. Breathnach

The Twelve Teas of Inspiration — E. Barnes

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek — A. Dillard

Green Thoughts: A Writer in the Garden — E. Perenyi

The Sylvester Domostroy — V. V. Kolesov & V. V. Rozhdestvenskaya

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In your closet, do you have a favourite article of clothing, or is this question the equivalent of asking who is your favourite child?

This is a very difficult question 😂 I talk sometimes about my favourite skirt or favourite boots or whatever, but honestly, I think that it really is too hard to choose! My favourite clothes are those that mean something to me, and they’re usually homemade, or passed down, or designed just for me. I feel happiest when I’m wearing a story.

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Do you know much about prepping? I wouldn’t call myself a conspiracy theorist, but I think there’s no harm in having an emergency 'go bag' just in case. If you already have one, could you share what you keep in yours? Or if you were making one, what essentials would you include - like which bag you’d choose, a satellite phone, or freeze dried food? Btw, I'd recommend checking out @davidsjeong on tiktok - he makes freeze dried Korean meals for his hiking trips!

Honestly, I avoid this sort of thing; not because I think it’s bad, exactly, but because I find that it isn’t good for me, personally, to be thinking about prepping for hypothetical emergencies or escapes. I try to take each day as it comes, and remind myself that I’m safe and secure in my life and location. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful, and thank you so much for the recommendation! I love hiking, and I’ll definitely try out some freeze-dried carrots on my next big walk 💕

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Favorite hair refresher sprays? I hate traditional dry shampoo and think it clogs the scalp and smells weird/leaves a white or brown cast depending on the shade used.

Thank you for all your lovely advice!

I loved the Oribe ‘Côte d’Azur’ Hair Refresher, but it’s been discontinued. I can recommend the ‘Rehab Mist’ from Phyto Paris, for a light but effective refresh, and also the hair deodoriser from the Ghanaian brand Jeba Naturals for something a little more heavy-duty—it’s designed for refreshing long-term protective styles in afro-type hair, so it may not work so well on Eurasian hair types, but I personally find that it isn’t at all oily, and works very well if I’m not able to immediately wash my hair after a workout or a very hot day.

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You wrote about the "usual medieval mystics" and I'm intrigued. I recently read the book of Margery Kempe and I'd love to know what else there is!!!

If you liked Margery Kempe, then perhaps take a look at Julian of Norwich, Mechthild of Magdeburg, Hadewijch of Brabant, Hildegard of Bingen, Magdalena Beutler, Marguerite Porete, Bridget of Sweden, Angela of Foligno, Agnes Blannbekin, Catherine of Siena, Gertrude of Helfta, and Elisabeth of Schönau. Teresa of Ávila also follows on directly from their foundations, though she’s early modern, and other notable later similar writers would be Camilla Battista da Varano and María de Ágreda. There are also the anonymously-penned works attributed to the Katherine Group, the Wooing Group, and the Ancrene Wisse—all of which are written in the same variety of Middle English, and were almost certainly authored by High Mediaeval anchoresses in the West Midlands.

Other non-mystic mediaeval female writers, whom I love and you might enjoy, would be Hrotsvitha of Gandersheim, Herrad of Landsberg, Anna Komnene, Dhuoda, and Christine de Pizan. These women didn’t write strictly about mystical visions, but they offer their own fascinating spiritual, intellectual, or cultural insight into the mediaeval world from a woman’s point of view.

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Are there any English-language poets you like? You often recommend foreign literature

Yes, of course. I love English-language poetry; I think that English is one of the best possible languages in which to write poetry, and a lot of the anthologies on my bookshelf are written by Anglophone poets. Here are just a few I like especially, though I’ve almost definitely forgotten some, and I’m always glad for more recommendations.

Emily Dickinson, Christina Rossetti, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Kathleen Raine, R.S. Thomas, Geoffrey Hill, Denise Levertov, T.S. Eliot, Henry Vaughan, Elizabeth Jennings, Léonie Adams, Anne Ridler, W.H. Auden, Seamus Heaney, Rowan Williams, Sarah Klassen, Mary Szybist, Christian Wiman, Fiona Benson, George Herbert.

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To you, why is Polish literature one of the greatest underrated gems of Europe? What has convinced you?

It is underrated because it is good, and yet very much unheard-of and untranslated outside of its homeland, especially in comparison to great literary giants in French and Russian and German literature. It stands apart because it speaks from the edge, so to speak: the edge of empires, wars, languages, faiths. Yet, despite this, it never gives in wholly to despair, or spectacle. Polish literature, I find, is often very dignified, and it has a moral gravity to it, but also a strange sort of tenderness, and even humour, in the face of ruin. Hungarian literature is also quite similar in this regard, I think. Polish writers tend to witness more than they posture; they reflect a great deal, but not to the infinite ends of Russian writers, and whilst you can almost always trace the threads of their faith within their words, it’s a bruised, uncertain, mystical sort of faith. Even superficially secular fiction treats questions of personhood and divinity much more seriously than much overtly religious writing ever dares. You get the sense that they wrote because they had to; not to impress, but to survive something, be it war, exile, doubt, God. The urgency and the sparseness, the economical approach to words and concepts, is why it stays with me, I think, and why I am very often reading Polish writers and recommending them to others, and this applies to other art forms like film, too. This isn’t to say, of course, that Poland’s artistic scene is wholly unique in this regard, but I do think that it’s underappreciated in comparison to others, and there’s an incredibly rich tradition there that I think more people should know.

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Can you share some Polish writers you like?

Wisława Szymborska, Eliza Orzeszkowa, Zbigniew Herbert, Czesław Miłosz, Anna Świrszczyńska, Jerzy Liebert, Andrzej Stasiuk, Tadeusz Różewicz, Józef Wittlin, Bruno Schulz, Bolesław Leśmian, Anna Kamieńska, Gustaw Herling-Grudziński, Józef Czapski, Maria Janion, Jarosław Iwaszkiewicz, Janusz Korczak, some Olga Tokarczuk. I really do think that Polish literature is one of the greatest undiscovered gems of Europe, and there are so many authors for me still to read and love, but these are just a few that I’ve really enjoyed.

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What books are you reading right now?

Przed Sklepem Jubilera (The Jeweller’s Shop) is a play written by Karol Wojtyła under a pseudonym, before he became Pope John Paul II. I’ve had an evergrowing list of books to read before my wedding, and this was towards the end of it. It’s a strange little play, about a jeweller who helps couples with their marriages, and I think it reads something like a rosary; it’s simple and repetitive, and circles around and around the mysteries of love and sacrifice. It’s very earnest, and to a modern reader, I think that might make it seem a little odd or dated or overly simplistic, but I think that adds to its strength, in a funny sort of way. I like how Wojtyła understands love not as emotion or possession, but as vocation, choice, and offering. It’s a very interesting and unique read, and I’ll be thinking about it for a long time.

Seta (Silk) is a book I picked up from a little used bookshop in Ravenna, and I finished reading it on the flight to Istanbul. It’s hard to describe, honestly. On the surface, it’s a novella about an illicit French silk merchant who travels to Japan in the 19th century, and his experiences there, but the narrative feels much looser than that; it’s almost gossamer, like silk threads themselves, and it’s oddly dreamlike and unreal, both erotic and monastic in its restraint. It’s the kind of book that leaves you shivering slightly when it ends, as if you’ve heard a story whispered too close to your skin. Nothing is really explained, but you feel as though you know everything, and the words leave a texture, I think, even long after you finish reading.

Le Mirouer des simples âmes anienties (The Mirror of Simple Souls) is a book that Theresa recommended to me after I finished with the usual mediaeval mystics, and I’m still reading it, and I think I’ll still be reading it for quite a while. I’ve never read anything quite like it. It’s not really a book, or something you read at all. You feel as though you’re being unmade from the inside out, which, I suppose, is the whole point, because the author, Marguerite Porete, writes about how the soul must be annihilated in order to achieve oneness with God via divine love. It’s a strange, frightening, very difficult sort of book, but also very beautiful, and fascinating to read. When I have finished it, I don’t think I’ll read it again for a long time, but I’ll keep it always.

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Do you make bone broths? What're your favourite recipes to make it?

Answered here!

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Can you talk about clubs like the ANF and VdDA? You mentioned an Austrian one once if I recall correctly.

There’s extremely little to say that can’t be found by looking at the Wikipedia page for nobility associations. These are hereditary societies that pretty much exclusively accept members from their respective countries’ nobility. They aren’t usually clubs in the ‘clubhouse’ sense, though this isn’t a hard rule, and there are also very often brick-and-mortar clubs that have a de facto similar demographic in their lists of members, whether or not they exclusively accept (or accepted in the past) noble candidates for membership. The Austrian club I mentioned was St Johanns, which fits mostly within the latter category.

These sorts of associations are pretty much exclusive to Europe, and mostly relevant in current republics, although monarchies also have them. They are essentially a way for old noble families to stay in touch, support one another, preserve archives, and continue their traditions in countries where they no longer hold the visible power they had in the past. Unless you are a member of a noble European family (in which case I should imagine you or your parents are already members of your country’s association), these societies are very much closed to you. That’s basically their whole point: they’re not clubs where you can attend events and mix with the upper classes—they’re closer to family foundations and associations than they are to the brick-and-mortar clubs I mentioned earlier, to be honest. If you are very intent on meeting (former) nobility, there are much easier and less awkward ways to do it, I can promise you, and if you’re interested in reading about nobility associations, there are usually a few investigative news articles and not a great deal else.

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Do you have any subscriptions or memberships (to whatever it maybe be) that you feel comfortable recommending to us?🌷𖹭

I have a list of magazines here—I’m not subscribed to every single one, of course, but I can recommend each of them individually, and you couldn’t go wrong by subscribing to any one that piques your interest. I don’t really have any other ‘subscriptions’. I really dislike the current subscription-based commercial climate we have at the moment; I’m a ‘buy it and be done with it’ sort of girl!

As for memberships: I’m remaining an alumna member of several of my favourite student societies, and I’m still an active member of some sports clubs and multiple wine, textile, jewellery, history, etc. societies that I love and that host regular lectures and events for me to enjoy. I’m also a member of a few clubs and societies for alumni of my university, and a few for preserving museums and monuments that I care about. It’s really a mix, and it comes down to what you feel you could be genuinely passionate and involved with. I would always recommend joining clubs and societies that genuinely interest you, and that deal with niche topics that you love, or would love to learn more about.

I’m happy to talk a little bit more about the different types of clubs and societies you could join, and the sort of people you might meet, but it essentially just boils down to personal interest, goals, lifestyle, budget, and passions. I know some people that love being part of a livery guild, or the Freemasons, or MENSA, or a club like Soho House, and whilst I personally couldn’t see myself being part of any of these, they love the community and the events and perks offered, and that’s wonderful for them. Memberships can be costly, and so it’s always going to be best to put your money where it will best help you to enjoy yourself, learn something new, meet like-minded people, and help you on your way to wherever you want to go.

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Hi Kitty. Do you have any resources to give a full body massage to someone ? Have a nice day.

This video is intended for massaging men, but I think it works well (adjusted for intensity) for everyone. It depends completely on what sort of massage you want, whether there’s a particular philosophy or school you are interested in, etc., but I think this is a great place to start. Even if you don’t speak Russian, watching the video is very self-explanatory.

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Guide/routine to smelling good and not sweaty during the summertime?

Don’t wash your whole body multiple times a day with lots of skin-stripping soaps. Instead, shower as you normally would, but strip-wash at the sink, focusing especially on the parts of your body that sweat the most, at other times.

Use an antibacterial soap or, if your skin can handle it (mine can’t), a benzoyl peroxide wash, under your armpits and anywhere else that tends to collect sweat and odour.

Wipe your armpits with a glycolic acid toner and allow to dry fully before applying your deodorant.

On the subject of deodorant: make sure you buy a good one. Unfortunately, ‘all natural’ deodorants are not effective. Brands from hot countries (Italy, Spain, Mexico, etc.) are typically more effective. If you sweat a lot, a heavy-duty antiperspirant like Driclor is the answer.

Change your clothes daily, more often if you’ve sweated in them, and opt for loose, breathable fabrics like cotton and linen. Make sure you change your bra, too, not just your blouse.

Your hair holds a lot of sweat and odour. Make sure you’re washing it properly, that it’s off your neck and body when possible, and that you’re using a hair refresher spray in between wash days.

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Any advice for minimizing puffiness around the eyes after having a good, messy cry? I accept that crying is just what my body is wired to do when it comes to expelling stress and frustration and other intense feelings. But, I would like to not have to look like a puffy, red mess for hours afterwards. <33

Take it from an absolute crybaby: the best way to reduce puffiness around the eyes is a cold compress, a gentle massage, and drinking lots of water. Anything from frozen teaspoons to a proper eye compress will work.

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Lezginka is beautiful, the dance common throughout the North Caucasus - especially the black tops and flowy skirts the women wear. Could you explain what type of skirt fabric is used? Also what is that cinching element around the waist that snatches their body? I’ve watched soo many practice videos where some dancers don’t show a visible clip but still achieve that snatched effect.

Please recommend comfortable, high-quality tops and skirts that give that effect of that flow they have, also some affordable options too?

These clothes are what most Caucasian girls (both from the North and South) wear to dance classes, in much the same way as ballet dancers wear a leotard. It’s not a costume for performance, but just rehearsal clothing. I wear mine for basically all folk dance classes and rehearsals, even if they’re not strictly Caucasian dance, because it’s comfortable and practical and helps me to rehearse with long skirts, and, as you’ve pointed out, it’s very flattering, too.

The skirt is almost always made of a knitted jersey fabric, though I’ve seen some more expensive examples in woven chiffon, too. The cinch around the waist usually comes from a special belt, but not all girls wear it, and in other cases, it’s just from a combination of having a small waist (Caucasian dance shrinks your waist very effectively!) and tying the skirt tightly.

You will only really be able to buy this sort of dance clothing from a CIS nation. Mildance is a popular shop from Russia, and I also know of KB King based in Kazakhstan. I’ve bought from both, but I most recently bought my dance clothes from Saukune, a chain in Georgia, and I was really happy with the selection and quality. If you’re looking for similar clothing in the West, then I’d just suggest looking for long sleeved black tops and wraparound maxi skirts—it won’t be exactly the same, but the effect will be close.

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Hi, would you have any resources to learn polish as an english speaker? Thanks!

As I mentioned in this post, I learnt Polish when I was still living in Ukraine, and so I didn’t ever really learn the language from an Anglophone perspective. However, I found this list of resources very helpful once I reached C1–C2 level, and the resources listed there are either monolingual in Polish, or intended for native English speakers.