purplechickensranting

[purplechickensranting]

In the first poetry workshop I ever took my professor said we could write about anything we wanted except for two things: our grandparents and our dogs. She said she had never read a good poem about a dog. I could only remember ever reading one poem about a dog before that point—a poem by Pablo Neruda, from which I only remembered the lines “We walked together on the shores of the sea/ In the lonely winter of Isla Negra.” Four years later I wrote a poem about how when I was a little girl I secretly baptized my dog in the bathtub because I was afraid she wouldn’t get into heaven. “Is this a good poem?” I wondered. The second poetry workshop, our professor made us put a bird in each one of our poems. I thought this was unbelievably stupid. This professor also hated when we wrote about hearts, she said no poet had ever written a good poem in which they mentioned a heart. I started collecting poems about hearts, first to spite her, but then because it became a habit I couldn’t break. The workshop after that, our professor would tell us the same story over and over about how his son had died during a blizzard. He would cry in front of us. He never told us we couldn’t write about anything, but I wrote a lot of poems about snow. At the end of the year he called me into his office and said, “looking at you, one wouldn’t think you’d be a very good writer” and I could feel all the pity inside of me curdling like milk. The fourth poetry workshop I ever took my professor made it clear that poets should not try to engage with popular culture. I noticed that the only poets he assigned were men. I wrote a poem about that scene in Grease 2 where a boy takes his girlfriend to a fallout shelter and tries to get her to have sex with him by tricking her into believing that nuclear war had begun. It was the first poem I ever published. The fifth poetry workshop I ever took our professor railed against the word blood. She thought that no poem should ever have the word “blood” in it, they were bloody enough already. She returned a draft of my poem with the word blood crossed out so hard the paper had torn. When I started teaching poetry workshops I promised myself I would never give my students any rules about what could or couldn’t be in their poems. They all wrote about basketball. I used to tally these poems when I’d go through the stack I had collected at the end of each class. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 poems about basketball. This was Indiana. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I told the class, “for the next assignment no one can write about basketball, please for the love of god choose another topic. Challenge yourselves.” Next time I collected their poems there was one student who had turned in another poem about basketball. I don’t know if he had been absent on the day I told them to choose another topic or if he had just done it to spite me. It’s the only student poem I can still really remember. At the time I wrote down the last lines of that poem in a notebook. “He threw the basketball and it came towards me like the sun”

[purplechickensranting]

roses are red

to you i talk sweet

[purplechickensranting]

[Image: tweet by Titanium Cranium (@FelicityTC) including three screenshots of a Harry potter book in three different formats on Amazon. Text:

“Harry Potter on Amazon -

Print: $6.39 Audio: $44.99 Braille: $100.00

#CripTax”]

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[purplechickensranting]

Oh my god I’ve been to this Savers and let me tell you something it is a wild place and they have a whole walk of random bundles like this it’s not just kitchen stuff either

A bag of knives. I guess they bundle kitchenware together.

Bottle opener, tongs, whisk and…. Dog nail clippers? I have concerns.

Butter knives, corkscrew, beater and …. surgical scissors.

DEEP CONCERN.

(Savers, Brookfield CT.

Op bought a totally different bag of knives as there were about a dozen to choose from)

[purplechickensranting]

is this

a 

cat on a hot tin roof

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I fucking love puffins

OMFG.

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do you think whoever was designing the default netflix avatar made a mistake somewhere but just sat there laughing at the result for so long that the whole design team decided to keep it

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🙌🙌

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stupid leftists and their belief in *checks notes* the intrinsic value of human life

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Me, assessing my bank account, education plans, career path, and living situation: this is not even close to the right time to have a baby

My ovaries while I’m looking at babies on Instagram at 3 in the morning and sexting my boyfriend: LET’S MAKE A BABY LET’S DO IT BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY LOOK I’LL GIVE YOU AN EGG RIGHT NOW MAKE A BABY DO IIIIIITTTTTT

Me: you make a compelling argument

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People on and off this site literally saw one meme that said “Pornhub promises to plant a tree for every five videos watched” and “Pornhub plows snow” back in 2015, never fact checked it, and in 2019 use it as the basis of “Pornhub is a quality company that does good work”.

[purplechickensranting]

Was Elrond in a gay marriage? We don’t know, because it’s none of our goddamn business. … No matter what Elrond got up to, it didn’t effect his ability to perform his job like a boss. And that is to provide travelers with great directions.

[purplechickensranting]

Boys who are sex-repulsed/don’t enjoy sex/are too uncomfortable to have sex - you’re doing an amazing job at coping in a society that associates your maleness with having strong sexual desires. You are valid, you are loveable, you are not ‘weird’ for not fitting into the stereotype of men wanting sex all time.