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Love, Fear, Pain, Happiness

Loving someone doesn't always come easy. It's complicated. Like a puzzle with numerous pieces missing, making you falter with every attempt to search for each one... Like a book still waiting to be written, giving you a hard time to think of what to write, you're brain might pop out of your skull... Like walking inside a dark tunnel, eager to see the light at the long end and breathe in the fresh air breeze.

It was never easy. It would always be accompanied by consequences and the most cliché element, Pain...

...and it dreaded my whole being. I became afraid of Love. Fear ate me up, blanketing my heart, covering me from the good side.

That love found its way to me. That there was a time when I was in desperate need for it. That I was dying to feel it. But when it came around, I regretted wishing. Because I was terrified of what might be the consequence...

...and then he came...

Love came back to me but with a new company--Pain. I settled Fear down and focused more on the new friend that had come. And then, it happened. I hurt him, but not just once, but twice already. It was one of the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire existence. But maybe it was bound to happen. Either way, I was really going to hurt him. There's no escaping fate.

I have let someone go. That someone who loves me for what I am...for who I am. He never tripped nor faltered in making me feel special. He made me feel like I was the only beautiful girl he has ever seen. But I became utterly stupid. I caused him too much pain. Just because I didn't feel the same way.

The stupidity vanished for a couple of days, snapping me out of it totally. My mind conditioned so well after. I was frozen in time when I realized what the hell just really happened and why am I feeling so heavy than usual.

At first, I ignored that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My whole being ached. My internal organs are starting to malfunction and stabs all of its nails and screws inside my damned veins. I needed a hammer out of love to put them in their right places. It was difficut to ignore.

Ignorance won't always place you in bliss. It would make you look pathetic. You'll die in regret if you stayed your eyes closed. That sinking feeling I had, never left my body.

Just like a snap of a finger, it all came crashing down on me like a heavy poured out rain. I was almost quivering, freezing with the realization that I rejected Love, welcomed Fear, and entertained Pain. That I forgot the other one that comes from loving.

HAPPINESS.

I didn't realize sooner that he was the one making me happy. Making me laugh. Making me cry. Making me sad. Making me feel all of those all at once. I didn't see it through that his effects were different than the way it was before. It became all foreign to me.

That my world just turned a 360 degrees and that guy... This guy that was just someone for me... Became my happy pill. My stress-reliver, my light in total darkness, my music in utter silence, and the caretaker of each animal in the zoo inside my stomach.

And then I realized, I just fell in Love! Each passing day, it gets stronger, deeper... It scares me how much my feelings evolved this quickly. But he is my Happiness. And he's worth every Fear, every Pain.

He made me experience Love, Fear, Pain, and Happiness at the very same time. I have no regrets. Because he's worth every penny of it.

He's worth every gaudy smiles, every worries, every tears, and every laughter. I owe him big time.

I love him big time.

(For R.C. 05.25.18)

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“And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in.”

— Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

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Constant

I thought it was only in books where every girl protagonist experiences weird circulation of butterflies inside her stomach. But only then did I realize that it can also happen in real life.

It was unexpected. It was a sudden occurrence that had me pinned on my spot, deeply thinking if it's really happening or it's just a misconception within my body. Or maybe, just plain teenage hormones.

He had me caught up in this gaudy bubble that cannot be popped. With just the mere thought of him, my lips automatically curves up into a gushing fulgent smile that can possibly light the world for the next hundred years.

When our fingers touched, a wave of electricity entered my nerves that caused a nerve-wracking volt of happiness. And it dreaded my whole being.

I became frightened of the truth. The truth that I might be drowning in love and no one can save me but him. I became terrified that I might never carry the pain of losing him.

Because feeling those things, it made my brain construct a very ethereal whim...

For him to be the only constant thing in my life.

(R.C. 05/15/18)

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Our fingers intertwined Send shivers down my spine--

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Amazed by lonestar

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby, I'm amazed by you🎶

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“It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.”

— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

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“Maybe there was no one way to define it. Maybe there were as many shades of love as the blues of the sky.”

— Mary E. Pearson, Kiss of Deception

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“And I never expected that you could have a broken heart and love with it too, so much that it doesn’t seem broken at all.”

— Jodi Lynn Anderson, Tiger Lily

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When He Was Gone

It was a cold December,

And waves of memories she remember;

A moment in time where sadness feels longer,

A moment of cries and a bit of laughter.

A story full of pain,

And a little cup of love;

Where everything feels so foreign,

With her heart thumping out loud.

She told everyone their story,

But only a few drown in worry;

After he left in a hurry,

Her life became a dump of misery.

When he came into her life,

Every chunk of her existence lit up;

But he left her in the dark,

Now darkness she had become.

She grew tired and sick,

Knowing that he will never be back;

Back in her life and in her arms,

Emptiness welled up in her heart.

Tears brimming her eyes,

Remembering the good o'l days;

While snow falls down on her window pane,

And her attempt of finding him went in vain.

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Poem # 5:

I love you

To the moon and stars I will say it

Both Orion and Lyria will know your name.

The constellations will tell of your hope,

The galaxies will sing of your grandeur.

Until Jupiter knows not but your laugh,

And our fate dances through colors of lore;

I will speak none but your presence,

And love you forevermore.

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Writing Prompt #68:

“Our words spill out colors our eyes cannot see.”

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“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.”

— Aristotle

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“The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.”

— Gustave Flaubert

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“We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.”

— Ellen Goodman

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“When you love someone, they become your reason.”

— David Levithan

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Today's one of the best days of my life...

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Happiness comes from within...