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purplemountain · 3 years

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smiling like a fool under my blanket right now :’D

I don’t think you understand how happy I am to find a sfw ateez blog oml

Can I request a San e2l? where reader has a grudge against him because he’s an overachiever like the reader, yet he doesn’t actually have anything against them. Reader thinks his life is so perfect and their own is just empty that they don’t realise they’ve started to become envious of San, and it goes on from there.

(This is very much self indulgent because I can’t live without knowing I’m the best in all the people I know and it’s killing me)

If you could do it that would be great, dw if you can’t tho<3

𝙤𝙣𝙚-𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙮 — 𝑠𝑎𝑛

genre: enemies-to-lovers au, angst, fluff at the end, gn!reader

word count: 2.3k

summary: Pride, reputation, and a one-sided rivalry; all these are because of your fear of losing the top spot in the class. Even when you finally got what you wanted, why did you still feel unsatisfied?

a/n: I kind of relate to this and I tried to express my thoughts based from personal experiences. I also learned to accept the fact that we can have our lowest times, so let's stay humble and I hope you enjoy it!

𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

You didn't hate him, you didn't like him either. He's more like a rival than a friend. You had your pride and reputation as the class's top student, that's all you ever cared for. You were contented with yourself, not until someone challenged your position and managed to drop your rank to top 2.

Choi San, you hated that name.

Both of you get high grades all the time, one gets higher than the other and vice versa, a push and pull type of game. It wasn't just your grades that were put to the test, your reputation as well. San's confidence during oral recitations and discussions was undeniably admirable, and that's the problem. It pissed you off because your social anxiety was hindering you from defending your reputation, but you couldn't deny that he was more or less smarter than you, just a tiny bit.

You didn't like San, but San liked you.

He admired your intelligence, your leadership skills, your hard work, and he acknowledged your efforts every time. How could he not when you two were in the same group for the whole semester? Being known as the two smartest students in the group was alright with San, but it pressured you a lot.

Your classmates usually depended on you two but when they ask him for help instead of you, it hurts your pride. This fueled your motivation to try your best in contributing most of the work during group projects to prove your classmates wrong. Even during quizzes and exams, you'd secretly compare your scores with San's as if it was normal. Of course, you had your share of low times.

It was very selfish of you to think that way, you were aware of that. You knew he was trying his best as well and he even helps you with some lessons you're struggling with. You had no idea when or how this rivalry started, but you were obstinate.

Why do you not like him? For being smart? For challenging your position as the top student? Who were you to hate him for that? These were the questions that run through your head whenever you see him in class, but that wasn't the case for San, he was just there to learn and graduate.

At this point, you're just envious of him for the most unnecessary things. Seeing him hanging out with his friends, having a good relationship with his parents, his life was almost perfect and that made you bitter.

In contrast to his, your life felt empty. Talking to your parents casually was a once-a-day thing because you always lock yourself inside your room and you don't even have that many friends compared to San's, much more talk to them every day.

You were envious, there's no better word to describe how you felt about the guy. Your pride, your ego; you wanted to be the 'best' and you wanted to be in the limelight of the class in regards to academics. But no, someone had to be on your level to humble you down. You, a selfish overachiever, holding a grudge against the boy with an angelic smile, attractive dimples, and cute eye smile.

You thought surviving this semester by avoiding him, while silently boring deep glares towards his direction were going to be a piece-of-cake. That was until you realized that the heavens weren't on your side, it was like a punishment for you.

Out of all people, all the possibilities that could happen, you just had to be paired up with the one and only, Choi San, for your General Maths subject. Honestly speaking, you didn't need a partner and neither does he. You could do it on your own, but your teacher insisted on working in pairs to develop social relationships and to help each other.

If it wasn't for those reasons, you wouldn't be sitting here in the library after your last class ended. ‘Home’ was the only thing on your mind, going home and avoiding his presence that makes your blood boil. If only he didn't insist on finishing the assignment the right way, together, you would've been taking a nap on your bed right now.

You were answering the assignment silently, yet you couldn't focus well with him beside you. You weren't in your right mind and San caught on to that, as he looked over your paper and easily found small mistakes on your solutions.

"It's not supposed to be distributed, just remove the parentheses."

His voice made you groan in annoyance, knowing that he was right and he corrected your mistakes. Okay, Mr. Know-it-all. You rolled your eyes away from him and redid your solutions correctly.

San was aware of your grudge towards him, it's not his fault you were quite obvious with it. He found you cute, though. When your mad or when you glare at him, that doesn't get to him, he's too distracted by your kissable and welcoming cheeks when you pout.

"Are you done? Let's compare answers." San spoke over the silence of the room.

There it was again, the usual glare you give to him. "Give me time, this isn't a race."

"I didn't say...but, take your time."

See, despite your harsh treatment towards him, he couldn't bring himself to fight you back. He had no reason to, so why try to engage in something he's not going to enjoy anyway? After about 3 minutes, you passed him your paper and he did the same to his own. The way San scanned over your paper made you nervous as if he was the teacher checking your mistakes and right answers. His paper, on the other hand, was clean and readable. Confidence in getting every question right the first time written on it.

"Hmm, you lack a negative sign here...and here...and here as well." He pointed each mistake with the tip of his pen and you swore, you wanted to curse at him.

"Okay, Choi San. You're the smart one, you know best. Sorry for being dumb." You retorted with bitterness in your voice.

"What are you talking about? I was just trying to help."

"Well, I don't need your help."

"Well, good luck with your grades then. You got all the answers correct with only a few mistakes, but okay."

Not wanting to fight anymore, you corrected your mistakes as fast as you could. He smirked at you as you closed the cap of your pen and sighed deeply, "There we go, y/n. It wasn't so difficult now, was it?"

"Get a life." If I could just remove that smirk off your face, I would.

How could San even get a life when the missing piece of his life hates his guts? His day wouldn't be complete without you glaring at him at least once, though he still hoped that one day, you would change your false opinions about him. He wouldn't purposely fail his academics for your benefit, but he's going to find a way to win your heart and stop your childish jealousy towards him once and for all.

You didn't talk to him for a whole week, you spent most of your time preparing for the upcoming finals exams that would start tomorrow until Friday. You had no time to waste, this was your last chance to prove everyone wrong. The desperation to keep the top spot of the class for yourself motivated you a lot. So when finals finally started, you made sure to put your all in every exam and hoping for the best.

Congratulations! You did it, you actually did it!

You kept the top 1 spot, it was yours and you were beyond happy with the positive news. It boosted your pride, but that's besides the point. Once you pulled away from your friend's embrace, you accidentally caught sight of San standing alone from afar. He had a sad yet satisfied smile on his face, while he looked over the bulletin board again where the ranks were displayed.

You felt bad, that was true because yes, you worked extra hard for this and as much as you hate to admit it, he assisted you when you didn't understand some concepts of a certain topic and those concepts were essential parts of the exam. You never, not even once, thanked him for his help and that's enough reason for you to feel guilty. Now that you got what you wanted, why do you still feel unsatisfied?

San caught you gazing in his direction, so you immediately looked away in embarrassment. He only chuckled at your reaction, knowing too well what's going on inside your head at the moment. Your eyes traveled back to his figure once again and you couldn't hold it in anymore, his smile was too bright for your satisfaction. You needed to apologize to him as soon as possible before the semestral break starts, at least.

When the last bell rang indicating the end of classes, you decided to look for him. Ditching your friends with the excuse of stopping by the convenience store before going back home, you searched everywhere for him. Thankfully, he wasn't anywhere far from the school premises. There he stood outside the school gate with his AirPods on, most probably waiting for his friends to hang out later. Carefully, you tapped on his shoulder and he turned to you with a confused look as he removed an AirPod from his ear. He didn't expect you to talk to him personally, especially not you approaching him first.

"What's up?" San's voice was cheerful and no sign of bitterness at all.

"You're n-not busy right now, are you?" You stuttered out of nervousness.

San looked around for any sight of your friends and his but there's no one around he knew of. "I don't think I am, why'd you ask? Oh, congrats by the way for taking the top spot. You deserve it, y/n." The smile on his face was genuine, he was very happy for your success. He wasn't disappointed because he believed you deserve that spot, you worked extra hard to beat him earn it.

On the other hand, you were nervous as hell, fiddling with the hem of your uniform. "Thank you, San."

"It's no problem." How was it so easy for him to say that? You don't know.

You tried to form the right words to say to him, not wanting to waste this opportunity and bringing the guilt with you. "I just wanted to apologize for treating you, you know, in a not-so-good way. I'm sorry for always pushing you away, taking your help for granted, and for holding a grudge against you just because I was afraid of losing the position of being the top student in the class. It's very childish of me, I know."

You scoffed ridiculously at yourself, "Now that I got what I wanted, I'm happy but I feel guilty whenever I see you. You helped me so much, but I didn't even thank you once. No matter how embarrassing I probably sound right now, I'm taking this opportunity to apologize for everything I've done wrong and to thank you for all your help. I don't deserve your forgiveness and-"

"Yo, San. Let's- oh, sorry. I didn't see your friend there." Yeosang, one of his friends, interrupted your rambling.

You were more than embarrassed at this point, you wanted to scream, to run away and hide from everyone, but San noticed the panic in your eyes. The idea of confessing and not being able to finish your words was suffocating you, so you tried to make a turn. Unfortunate events really couldn't wait as a random rock made you trip your foot, but a strong arm held your waist so quick, you didn't even have time to process what had just happened.

San clicked his tongue teasingly, "y/n, still clumsy as ever."

Can the world just take you whole? His friends were watching the current situation, this is very bad.

"I think I'll pass today, guys. I have some important business to talk to with them, so just leave without me and don't forget to buy me that thing I talked about, I'll pay later." San called to his friends, who nodded at his request.

"San-"

"Don't worry, y/n. I know you hate me, but I think you got some explaining to do." A smirk was plastered again on that attractive face of his.

"But I already did."

"You didn't get to finish your words because of my friend and I want to hear more of it. Maybe if you treat me out for dinner, I might just forgive you."

"My money's not enough for the both of us." You haven't realized that you just indirectly considered his suggestion, he's got you in his trap.

"Perfect, a kiss it is then."

"What-"

He didn't let you finish as he interrupted you with his soft lips on yours and when he pulled away, he laughed at your flustered reaction.

"Cutie, let's go to that BBQ place nearby to celebrate your success." My success?

"What about you? Are you not mad at me for being the first in rank?" This was the question that had you worried about this whole time. What does he think of you now after everything?

"What's wrong with being 2nd? As long as we succeed together, that's enough for me. Now that you're here with me and I finally got a kiss from you, what more could I ask for?”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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